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Post by Trik Turner on Feb 19, 2006 13:25:52 GMT -5
(Trik Turner is walking down Main Street, USA. As he's walking, a teenage boy with his family bumps into him.)
Teenage boy: Oh, I'm sorry sir. I didn't mean to....HEY!! You're Trik Turner from EWT. Wow! Dad!! Dad!!! Look, it's Trik Turner. I was hoping we'd run into some EWT wrestlers when I found out you guys would be here. This is so cool. Can I have an autograph?
(The teenage holds out a Disney Land map & Trik just looks at the kid. Trik takes the map & scribbles on it, then walks away. The teenager looks down on it & then gets confused. He shows it to his father.)
Father: He said it "HitmanMark"? I always thought his gimmic was a little weird, but this?
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Post by Ultimo Chocula on Feb 19, 2006 16:00:51 GMT -5
(Over in Adventure Land, Terri is sitting with Ultimo on the safari ride. Tourists are still getting seated as Terri begins the interview. They recognize UC and make faces like "what's he doing here?")
Terri: "Hey everyone. Terri hear once again with one half of the Handsome Boy Modeling School, Ultimo Chocula. First of all, why did you want to meet here?"
UC: "The lines for the Indiana Jones ride was too long. Plus I figure this would be a good time for me to model my new safari jacket. Whattaya think?"
Terri: "When have you ever been on a safari?"
UC: "Right now."
Terri: "This doesn't count. It's a ride at Disneyland. It's not a real safari."
UC: "And you're not a real blonde. So we're even."
(Terri punches UC in the arm.)
UC: "Ow!"
Terri: "Anyway, in the second round in the tournament for the World Title you have to go against Virus, one of the biggest, toughest guys in the EWT. How do you plan to go up someone so large?"
UC: "Same thing I always do. Knock his fat legs out from under him and yell "TIM-BURRRRR!!!" This Pie Russ guy is no different than any other ham 'n egger that gets thrown my way every week. The long and short of it is that this overgrown man cow is just one more step toward me becoming World Champ. He should be happy though. He'll be the answer to a trivia question someday. "Who did Ultimo cream in the second round during his successful title run?" And then they'll all say, "I don't know." Cuz nobody ever remembers the losers."
(The ride is on it's way and the boat travels past some automated crocodiles.)
UC: "Hey, those make some good shoes. Moniqua got me a pair when we were over in Frankfurt."
(UC elbows the guy next to him.)
UC: "Hey buddy. Have you ever tried a pair of crocodile shoes before?"
(The guy doesn't say anything and goes back to looking over the side of the boat.)
UC: "Oh right. I forgot. If they don't sell it at Walmart then you don't know about it."
Terri: "Ultimo, will you stop harassing the tourists and get back to the interview? Now, you and Billy have been rather, for lack of a better word, jerky towards The Nyrds lately. Don't you think you're being just a little bit too hard on those guys?"
UC: "Too hard? We're not being hard enough! It's a sad state of affairs when The Noobs are the most popular tag team in the EWT when guys like me and Billy are around! What do those geeks have that we don't? I'll tell you what! Greasy hair, zits, halitosis, and weak, puny, muscles! Why would anyone want to cheer on those space cadets?"
Random Tourist: "The Nyrds rock! Go Mike and Joel!"
UC: "How would you like to go over the side, *BEEP!* monkey?"
Terri: "Ultimo! Stop harassing people! Sheesh, how many times do I have to tell you?"
UC: "Not enough, apparently."
Terri: "Look, why don't we just sit here silently for the rest of the ride. Then we'll finish the interview when it's over. Ok?"
UC: "Fine."
(The ride keeps going and the boat passes a robotic elephant spraying water out of it's trunk.)
UC: "Look! It's Mike's mom!"
Terri: "Will you stop it?"
UC: "What?"
Random Tourist: "Hey buddy! What's your big problem with the Nyrds? They never did anything to you!"
UC: "You wanna know? Ok, I'll tell you!"
(UC hops up to the front of the boat and grabs the cb from the skipper. He then starts to sing a little tune that sounds suspiciously like "I Want To Be Like You.")
UC: "Oh, I'm the King Choculon, the wrestling V.I.P.! But I can't reach the top cuz some anus drop keeps interfering with me! I wanna be the man, you butt plug! Not just another clown! And with the Noobs as the top draw It's dragging this company down!
So, Ooby doo! I'm gonna beat those two-oo-oo! I'm gonna stomp on you! Whomp on you! Into goo! You see it's true-oo-oo! That I'm the man, you see-ee-ee If you can't learn to be Into me Then *BEEP!* you-oo-oo!"
(The crowd is in total silence after UC's impromptu song and dance number. Terri is slinking down as far as she can in her seat, embarrassed beyond recognition.)
UC: "And I ain't lyin' either! Now for my next number, you may remember this from back in the day. It's an oldie but a goodie, but I think you'll all enjoy it!"
"Uh, Breaker One-Nine, this here's the Rubber Duck You got a copy on me Pig-Pen? C'mon. Uh, yeah 10-4 Pig Pen, fer sure, fer sure. By golly it's clean clear to Flag-Town, C'mon. Uh, yeah, that's a big 10-4 Pig-Pen, Yeah, we definitely got us the front door good buddy, Mercy sakes alive, looks like we got us a convoy......"
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Post by paulpodanski on Feb 19, 2006 16:28:39 GMT -5
Paul Podanski is at the Disney Land Food Court... there's a huge line behind him.
Paul: What do you mean you don't serve alcohol here?! You've got to be friggin kidding me!
Stand Operator: Sorry sir... but there are kids here... and we don't want to set a bad example right?
Podanski looks at the guy and growls.
Paul: Look... you expect me to go into a match sober... if you watched the last time, you know it cost me my friggin Toolshed Championship!!! Which is now in the hands of a guy... who wouldn't know true hardcore wrestling if it bit him on his ass!!!
There's a huge gasp from the crowd... as various kids start crying.
Parent: Shame on you... using bad language in front of children.
Paul turns around.
Paul: Oh yeah... blame me... you parents are all alike. You try to blame something else on your shortcomings... because you don't have the guts to say no to your spoiled brats... do ya?!
The parent looks wide eyed as Podanski turns back to the Stand operator.
Paul: Now give me some friggin beer or I'll snap you like the skinny little toothpick you are...
The guy screams and vaults over the stand... running away as everyone behind Paul gets disgusted and leaves. Well everyone except... Sum Guy.
Sum Guy: I'm Sum Guy and I'm hugnry... and thirsty. I'm apparently here with Paul Podanski... whose making a huge scene. Mr Podanski... is there any reason why you got all mad because there's no beer? Are you an alcoholic or something?
Paul turns around and looks down at Sum
Paul: No... I'm not an alcoholic Sum. I just like getting wasted before my matches...
Sum: I see... speaking of matches, your going up against the EWT new Comer whose yet to really make a name for himself, but he's pretty good as far as I can tell. What do you think of... Koda Kazar.
Paul thinks for a bit... stroking his hobo-like beard.
Paul: Well to be honest... he's pretty damn impressive in my eyes. I've seen him and what he can do... but then again there was also a man I believe named... Deamon Colhn... and we all know what happened to him... right?
Sum: Oh yeah... Fettster came in and helped you win the match right?
Podanski sighs and shakes his head.
Paul: No you... idiot. I didn't ask Fettster to get involved... but like I use anything as a weapon... I use any interference to my advantage. But hopefully, this match want involve another disqualification.
Sum: I see... so...
Paul slaps his palm over Sum's mouth.
Paul: I'm not finished. Paraslice... if you're watching this... let me just tell you that you are not going to get away with taking my belt... after you gagged me... locked me in a closet with El Drunko... and forced me to watch one of the world's worst sitcoms ever thought up! When we meet in that ring again... I will tear you F***** APART!!! Just like I did to Tim...
Sum looks a bit wide eyed and steps back.
Sum: Okay then... I'm Sum Guy and I'm still hungry and thirsty...
Paul scoffs and walks off...in search for more beer as Sum Guy stands in front of an empty stand...
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Queen Rosa
Mike the Goon
All hail the queen!
Posts: 30
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Post by Queen Rosa on Feb 19, 2006 20:09:07 GMT -5
*Cut to the arena*
Ring Announcer: The following contest is scheduled for one fall. Making her way to the ring, Sherri Martel!
*Sherri walks out and greets fans as she heads to the ring. She gets a decent-sized reaction. Then "It's My Time" hits*
RA: And her opponent, on the way to the ring, Rosa!
*Rosa gets a great reaction as she walks down to the ring. She has a big smile on her face*
The bell rings to start the match. Rosa acknowledges Sherri with a simple nod. They lock up. Sherri forces Rosa into a corner. She backs off, then hits her with a knee to the midsection. Next comes some chops. Sherri hits Rosa in the back of the head with an elbow. She whips her to the opposite corner. Sherri runs at her, but Rosa counters it with a kick. Rosa then takes advantage with a running neckbreaker. She picks her up and hits a fisherman's suplex pin.
1... 2...
Sherri kicks out and gets to the corner to help herself up. Rosa gets her with a handspring elbow attack followed by a facecrusher. She picks up Sherri and hits a butterfly suplex. After hitting a knee drop to the head, she covers her.
1... 2...
Sherri kicks out again. Rosa picks her up and is surprised with a jawbreaker. Sherri capitalizes with a back drop. She smashes Rosa's knee into the mat. Next she whips Rosa to the ropes and lands a dropkick. After a bodyslam, Sherri runs to the ropes and hits an elbow drop. She covers Rosa.
1... 2...
Rosa kicks out. Sherri picks her up and hits a backbreaker. She then applies a leg lock. She keeps the hold locked in for a few moments, then breaks it. She picks Rosa up and kicks her in the stomach. She sets up for a piledriver, but Rosa reverses it into a back body drop.
Rosa crawls to the ropes to help her up. Then she goes on the offensive by hitting some punches and kicks. She whips Sherri to the ropes and hits a spinning heel kick. She keeps the momentum going with a couple of armdrags and a dropsault. She goes for the cover.
1... 2...
Sherri kicks out. Rosa picks her up, but Sherri takes her down with a DDT. She picks Rosa up and whips her to the ropes. Rosa ducks an attempted clothesline and hits Sherri with a Capoeira Kick. Rosa then climbs the ropes and hits Sherri with a flying hurricanrana. She waits for Sherri to get up and performs the Northern Lights Driver. She goes for the pin.
1... 2...
3! *Bell rings*
RA: Here is your winner, Rosa!
*Rosa helps Sherri to her feet. They share a hug in the ring and raise their hands high. The fans show a sign of respect and cheer the two women. Rosa heads to the back*
*Cut to commercial*
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Doomrider
Hank Scorpio
I wanna bang Marla.
Posts: 6,058
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Post by Doomrider on Feb 19, 2006 23:10:15 GMT -5
-=Scene=- The scene opens with Senor Splash walking through Disney alone. Delicious Dick and Mama P have been taking Minnie Mouse’s Maternity Massage class lately and Splash has needed to entertain himself. He reaches for a map in his raggedy, stained board shorts and unfolds it. He rubs his chin as if making a game plan, then throws the map in the air.
-=Senor Splash=- Ole!
-=Scene=- We cut to outside of the Haunted Mansion, where a horde of tourists are running from the exit terrified. You’d think they’d be running from ghosts, but instead, Senor Splash comes tumbling out of the exit with one of the ghost animatronics from the ride. His board shorts are around his ankles and he seems to be humping the young female robot ghost who looks as if it’s having a spasm. The loving stops as Senor drops the robot, pulls up his shorts, and bolts as we see Disney police chase after him.
-=Senor Splash=- Aye carumba. Yo better lay low-o for awhile…Ah! I’ll hide aqui!
-=Scene=- Splash runs into “It’s A Small World” which of course never has a line. He immediately hops into a boat as it takes off. We cut to a front shot of Splash as he enters the ride and the song begins. Splash’s eyes begin to widen. He shoots his head to the right as we get a few Carnival of Souls-esque close-ups of the small world animatronic faces. He juts his head to the left and the same happens. We get a close-up of Splash’s wide, bloodshot eyes which slowly pans back. Sweat is visible dripping through the holes in his mask. Eerie twilight zone like music mixes with the “It’s a Small World” song in Splash’s head. He finally breaks down and screams at the top of his lungs. Splash rises to his feet and turns around to the boatload of people.
-=Senor Splash=- They’re gonna kill us all! They're here already! You're next! You're next, You're next...
-=Scene=- Splash dives into the murky ride water and out of the entire exhibit. He walks the park soaking wet, smelly, and stained. Splash plops down on a bench next to a little kid. The kid takes one look at Splash and bolts. He uses this opportunity to rest his feet on the bench as well. A bulky, disgusting shadow overlooks him. It’s “Delicious” Dick Slater with a ratty, oil stained box that probably used to hold meat or cheese or blackmarket body parts.
-=“Delicious” Dick Slater=- Splash, my boy…I got the stuff. We can start working!
-=Senor Splash=- Awesome-O, just lemme take a little siesta. Did you get everything?
-=“Delicious” Dick Slater=- Well, all I could muster. I found a set of Ed Grimley scent-filled markers, a tube of Alf gluestick, some Monster In My Pocket safety scissors, some cotton balls, some construction paper, and a set of all the crayons with suggestive named that Crayola banned.
-=Senor Splash=- Bueno enough…
-=Scene=- Senor hops to his feet with a second wind.
-=Senor Splash=- LET’S GET TO WORK-O!!!
-=Scene=- The two give each other a super-cheesy 80s movie jumping high five and start to walk into the distance as we fade to a commercial for Toomi’s Home Made Cock Cream…keep your roosters extra smooth with Toomi’s Home Made Cock Cream!
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Post by #Classic Hi-Definition X on Feb 20, 2006 0:40:06 GMT -5
*We're back at the arena. HBH and Cherry are in the ring*
HBH: Now, as you people probably already know, we're currently in the middle of a tournament to determine the #1 contender for the EWT Heavyweight Championship. Twenty-four men, all with the desire to be champion. So now the question looms: Who will win the tournament? Will it be Maelstrom?
*Crowd cheers*
HBH: Sorry to disappoint you, but no, it won't be him.
*Crowd boos*
HBH: Could it be Chance Confidence?
*Crowd cheers*
HBH: He may have confidence, but it's not going to be enough to win this tournament, sister.
*Crowd boos*
HBH: How about Spaz?
*Crowd cheers loudly*
HBH: Yeah, as if HE has a chance of ever winning anything remotely close to the EWT title, let alone this tournament.
*Crowd boos*
HBH: Or maybe it'll be my former buddy Gasoline?
*Crowd cheers loudly*
HBH: Well, seeing as I'm facing him this round, that ain't gonna happen either.
*Crowd boos*
HBH: Now now, I know you're thinking, "But Bret, he beat you in the middle of the ring last Sunday 1, 2, 3." And that's true, but only because a certain someone who shall remain nameless decided to turn her back on me. Well now I've found another. Someone who does what is asked of her without complaints. Someone who knows greatness when she sees it. Someone who will stop at nothing to reach the top and get what she wants. Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for "Sensational" Cherry!
*Crowd boos Cherry and start chanting "SHE'S A HO!"*
HBH: Don't worry about them, Cherry. These ingrates obviously wouldn't know greatness if it hit them where the sun don't shine.
*Crowd boos loudly and chants "YOU SUCK" at HBH*
HBH: Even when I suck, I'm still 1000x better than you people will ever hope to be.
*Crowd continues booing loudly*
HBH: And now, here to sing my theme song, "Sensational" Cherry. Now hit my music!
*"Sexy Guy" starts playing*
(Cherry) Oh, oh, Bret He's very cute And super sexy He's got the looks That make me lose control He's got the moves That make me weak I get chills Up and down my spine
He's such a sexy guy Sexy guy And he's so super fly Super fly Cause he's a sexy guy Sexy guy And he's so super fly Super fly
He's really hot And uber fine I melt with glee Whenever he's around He walks the walk And talks the talk He's so supreme And he's mine, all mine
He's such a sexy guy Sexy guy And he's so super fly Super fly Cause he's a sexy guy Sexy guy And he's so super fly Super fly
(HBH) Eat your heart out, girls
(Cherry) Paws off girls, he's mine
He's such a sexy guy Sexy guy And he's so super fly Super fly Cause he's a sexy guy Sexy guy And he's so super fly Super fly He's such a sexy guy Sexy guy And he's so super fly Super fly Cause he's a sexy guy Sexy guy And he's so super fly Super fly
*Crowd continues booing HBH and Cherry*
HBH: And see, this is just the beginning. When I win this tournament and become the new EWT Heavyweight Champion, the era of greatness will commence!
*Fans are still booing as HBH and Cherry celebrate in the ring. They eventually head to the back*
*Cut to commercial*
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Post by The Lach is very tired on Feb 20, 2006 5:33:40 GMT -5
*Spaz is sitting, watching HBH's promo.*
S: That is typical of the attitude of many here in EWT, they underestimate me. Well once I win this tournament & then win the World Title at Freek Show nobody will underestimate me again. It is fate that I win that title. Fate has brought me to this point in time, in this place. I am destined to wear that belt & nobody, not Maelstrom, not A-Bomb, not Chance Confidence, not even a Hall of Famer like HitmanMark can stop fate. Fate has decided that my time has come. Believe The Hype! Soon all the Spazphiles will be chanting Spaz = Champion!
*Cut To Commercial*
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Post by The Bad Man on Feb 20, 2006 5:53:20 GMT -5
(after the commercial break)
The Fink is in the ring with a mike
FINK: The following match is for one fall ... first making her way to the ring .. she is from Bridgeport, Connecticut ... she is the Harlot Hunt 2006 winner ... she is D'Zee!!
D'Zee walks out as her music "My Elastic Eye' by Chemical Bothers begins to play ... D'Zee is clearly not happy with the music choice as she heads to the ring ... she enters the ring to a modest pop from the crowd and awaits her opponent
FINK: ... and her opponent .. she is from Long Island, New York ... and she is the WWE 2006 Diva Search Winner! .. she is Ashley!!
Ashley's indie music hits and she heads to the ring ... as we go to the announcers table .. which tonight is being manned by Josh Matthews, Jerry Lawler and Tazz
JOSH: Hi everyone, I'm Josh Matthews alongside Jerry 'The Puppy King' Lawler and Tazz ...
LAWLER: Hey! ...
TAZZ: Off the Hook!
back in the ring and the two competition winners are about to Tie up in D'Zee's debut match
JOSH: D'Zee and Ashley are about to go toe-to-toe, this might not be pretty!
TAZZ: Your right there Josh, this could be off the Charts!!
LAWLER: I just hope there are some ... Bra and Panties!
Back in the ring and the bell rings
The two women tie up, and D'Zee is quick to throw a European style uppercut knocking Ashley back. Not liking that Ashley throws a slap of her own, but D'Zee blocks it and gives Ashley a boot to the gut into a DDT! .. cover ..
1,2,3 ...
Ashley puts her foot on the ropes! .. The Referee breaks the count ... D'Zee lifts up Ashley and locks in a headlock ... but Ashley squirms out of it and tries a spinning kick .. but D'Zee ducks and goes for a roll-up ..
1,2,3 ...
Ashley kicks out and rolls to the corner ... D'Zee follows the Diva Search winner and lays into her with some nasty bodyblows and brutal forearms to the face ....
JOSH: Well she certainly knows how to throw a punch ...
TAZZ: Thats a real smashmouth style, she got there!
Ashley remains in the corner holding her head as D'Zee backs off clearly aiming for a more damaging offense .. she charges and goes for a cross-body ... but Ashley dives out of the way, D'Zee collides with the Turnbuckle and collapses to the floor ...
LAWLER: Now that was a rookie mistake ...
Ashley tries to gain her bearings and brings up D'Zee to a standing position .. Ashley gives D'Zee a shoddy looking bodyslam .. and follows with a cover ..
1,2 ...
D'Zee kicks out ... Ashley undeterred tries for an STO on D'Zee .. but D'Zee elbows her way out of it and nails Ashley with a reverse DDT instead ..cover ..
1,2,3 ...
Ashley barely kicks out ... D'Zee isn't amused and backs off waiting for Ashley to get to her feet .. Ashley stands up and turns ... D'Zee goes for a superkick but Ashley dips under the move she has seen Trish Stratus do a million times before. Ashley tries to go for a backdrop but D'Zee flips out of it. Ashley turns around ... Harsh right hand to the face by D'Zee, sending Ashley down to the canvas hard!
The crowd gives an audible "Ooooooh" at the shoot style punch
Ashley stumbles back to her feet, her front lip is split from that last punch ... She woozily turns towards D'Zee only to get a another brutal punch to the face ... Ashley crumples to the floor her face bis busted open ..D'Zee seeing Ashley down runs to the side ropes and .. with shades of Chris Jericho .. a lionsault! ... cover ...
1,2,3.
The bell rings
FINK: Your winner by Pinfall! ... D'Zee!!
D'Zee celebrates on the turnbuckle ... as medics attend to an upset Ashley who's mouth is still bleeding from the brutal assault.
cuts to a backstage educational segment on why leaving hot items around the house in easy reach of children can be dangerous. Wrestlers used in this segment were Curly Long (playing the child, with a Curly Long attitude to his mum) and Carla O Woe (playing the parent, and distressed Mum)
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Maelstrom
AC Slater
The Tide Will Turn!
Posts: 236
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Post by Maelstrom on Feb 20, 2006 7:02:49 GMT -5
Backstage and The Coach is looking for an Interview ... as he walks along, he goes past the doors of the Aquarium ... the Off Limits sticker tape has been removed and the doors look to have been refurbished ... Coach being the inquisitive clown that he is decides to enter the Aquarium... he reaches for the door handle when a large shadow fall across him .. tHe coach truns to find himself face-to face with .... Gene SnitskySNITSKY: Hi Coach .... Nice Shoes!! COACH ... er ... Hey Snitsky ... Unfortunatly this romantic moment doesn't last as two chairshots send both men down to the floor ...as Maelstrom appears .. he takes the now unconscious Coach's mike and hands it to a more capable interviewer ... MariaMAELSTROM: Ok Maria lets get this going ... MARIA: Where are we going? MAELSTROM: A good question .. and the Answer is ...the all new Aquarium!! Maelstrom pushes both doors open and the New Aquarium is unveiled ... gone are the dank tanks and grimy murk of old .. and in its place a massive hall that spans into a double spiral staircase. Cream coloured walls adorned with a gold-like border tries to find space amidst the marble pillars ... MAelstrom and MAria head up the staircase, which then leads onto a corridor of aquatic marine life from basic Fish to nasty looking Lobsters ... whilst in the stairwell a huge 16ft bronze statue of a hammerhead shark can be seen .. a plaque next to it reads ...
To a great friend and Killing Machine - Barracus - 1993 -2006
All of this is quite the shock for Maria who stares at it in wide eyed wonder .. before realising that this is an interviewMARIA: .. Well ... this is amazing ... but how did you ? ... MAELSTROM: ... A secret of the tide my dear ... MARIA: .. still to gobsmacked for words ... MAELSTROM: ... But despite all this ...it is not what my aim is in the EWT .. No I have two main targets ... an EWT Heavyweight titel shot ... and I'm sorry Spaz .. but despite our friendship I'm not going to holdback in our match .. you want to go on and get that shot at Limey? .. the you'll have to be able to Turn the Tide!! MARIA: ... err .. and the second thing? ... They have moved to beneath the memorial statue of BarracusMAELSTROM: The second thing .. has upset the current greatly ... I know it, Barracus knew it and Flex is going to feel it ... This isn't over Flex, the fact that your still breating means it isn't over ... you go along with your jolly notion that you are the best thing to hit wrestling since the bodyslam .. but know this Herr Steroid! Maelstrom takes the mike from MAria and gets realclose to the cameraMAELSTROM: Nothing stays on the surface for long ... sometime you'll slip up and I'll be there to drag you down into the Murky depths of the Whirlpool! ... because as we all know .... THE TIDE WILL TURN!! fade out
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Limey
Unicron
It's been awhile.
Posts: 3,062
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Post by Limey on Feb 20, 2006 9:16:31 GMT -5
*Carla O Woe is at the concession stand at Main Street USA. She pays for a Mountain Dew, and exits, taking a few sips. However...Holly Vaughn is right behind her, holding a live raven. Holly walks up behind Carla...*
Holly: Frozen code, Miss Woe...Frozen code....
*Carla turns, startled by Holly.*
Carla: YOU! What the hell do you want?
Holly: (calmly stroking the raven) I simply bring a gift to you. Miss White found this raven in the rafters of what you claim to be a "haunted mansion". She is very much alive, I assure you. We have debated as to what her name should be, and we decided...Carla...
Carla: You're giving me a raven? What the hell's your problem??
Holly: You...intrigue me, Miss Woe, as I have said. You have so much talent...and yet you choose to fight...supressed...with your GND Code. I would be honoured to fight you, Miss Woe...but under the rules of the Frozen Code. It is how we fight...and how we conquer our foes.
Carla: Listen...I don't know what your problem is...but I fight on MY TERMS. If it's Frozen Code or nothing...then I guess it'll have to be nothing.
Holly: Miss Woe...you disappoint me. You could at least accept my gift...
Carla: SCREW YOU AND YOUR GIFT! I'm not going to ask you again, Holly! Leave me alone!
*Carla storms off. Holly strokes at the raven, tenderly*
Holly: (To the raven) Shhh....a gift that cannot be accepted...has no purpose.
*In one swift motion...Holly breaks the ravens neck!!!! Holly drops the raven, and stares down at it expressionless.*
Holly: It is unfortunate that you had to be hurt this way...Carla...
*Holly walks off as a custodian sweeps the dead raven up. We fade to a commercial hyping the tournament.*
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DQorDie
Bubba Ho-Tep
Believe in yourself & ROCK N ROLL!!!
Posts: 635
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Post by DQorDie on Feb 20, 2006 20:19:23 GMT -5
”The PsychaDeli Theme” plays as the screen shot & logo appear. The set is located on the streets of Tomorrow Land which is more visible when the Deli’s logo disappears. Unlike the set located at EWT’s prized Bingo Hall the PsychaDeli has been reduced to a mere hot dog stand, but much like a Deli counter as it contains a small glass case as the body of the stand. Although to maintain the “Deli look” a glass door with bells & glass window is erected to the side as an entrance. The set is decorated to the nines with balloons & banners announcing Paraslice’s title win.
To fit in with the area of the park that they’re in the stand is made to look futuristic with cardboard plane wings duct taped to the sides & an actual rod of rad lodged into a toaster which is also duct taped to the stand which contains flames made of construction paper coming out of it to propose that the stand is radium-toaster powered. The staff is in theme as they are all dressed up in tie-die garbage bag space suits & aluninum foil space party hats all complimented by each staff member adorning old school Ghostbuster toy proton packs. All except one...Senor Splash....Who is nowhere to be seen.
The camera immediately goes over to the Salami Swami. Salami Swami: Ah gracious future salutations to you as today is the very special Victory Celebration edition of thee Psycha Deli deeerect from Tomorrow Land. Today shall also home the most blessed baby shower of our own Delicious Dick Slater & Mrs. Podanski. Along with the EWT’s brand new Girl’s Next Door Champion... Oceanic So let us no further hinder your viewing pleasure as we give a warm welcome of reception to thee one & only, brand new TOOLSHED CHAMPION...... PARASLICE The camera motions to the hot dog stand & rocket ship looking deli counter where Paraslice is obviously kneeling behind. Upon being introduced he walks out with his newly won Toolshed championship around his waist & acts like he popped out of some back room & is amazed at the decorations adorning the counter/stand like it was a surprise party. Noise makers go off from all attending. Slice goes over to the Salami Swami & gives him a big hug. He moves on to Ol’ King Cold Cuts who is laid out on a park bench right next to the stand in his full body cast. Slice forgoes hugging him & flashes him a peace sign & moves on. Next is Delicious Dick & Mrs. P. who are by the counter which is adorned with gifts for their wedding shower. He smiles at them & gives Dick a big hearty handshake. Dick is so proud of his boss that he pulls him in for a big hug Slice feels a bit awkward hugging him as Dick forgone the garbage bag space suit & used it to make a new thong & apron. The friction between Dick’s butt cheeks makes an awkward squeegee like sound that is now being accompanied by Mrs. P who joins in the hug fest. Luckily she is wearing a tie-die moo moo but the fact that this understudy for the Creature of the Black Lagoon is rubbing up against Slice is enough for him to bare Paraslice: Uuuuuuuuuh. HEY YA WANNA OPEN YOUR GIFT FROM ME The Slater-Taylor-Podanski orgy love sandwich ceases as they finally let go of Paraslice. He immediately reaches over to one of the gifts & pulls it out, handing it to Dick.
Dick has a big smile on his face.Delicious Dick Slater: Wow...Thanks boss. *begins opening the package* I know I’m gonna love the........*confused look as he pulls it out of the box* Husky navy blue slacks.....From Sears? *Paraslice nods quickly with an eager grin* Ooooh &......a sweater......Just like Cosby.......Oh and......a bra for Mrs. P.....Wow.....Geeeez. I don’t know what to say? Paraslice: That’s alright, Dick You can thank me later Why don’t you open some of your other gifts? DDS: OK? *grabs one* Aaaww it’s from my own tag team partner, Senor Splash. *Dick opens it up & it’s a coat hanger. Sarcasm exudes from Dick* Oh wow a coat hanger....Uuh Just what me & Mrs. P need.....to.....uh.....Hang up that shirt & pants you gave me *gives a weak smile to Paraslice. Though upon further inspection Dick finds something else* Wait there’s a card. Let’s see what the ol’ Splash Man’s got to say, “Dear-o Dick & Mrs. P, In case tings don’t work out-o between you two-o or con Senor Wilson-o you can avoid the mess of clinic bills, but then again-o there will still be a mess to clean up afterwards-o. Sincerely Senor Splash.” Wow whatta guy . Paraslice: Speaking of Splash....Where is he? He hasn’t reported to work at all today. SS: Uuuh that would have to be my fault? Paraslice:YOUR FAULT? He was suppose to clean up since he is the janitor What did you do? SS: Well the poor beast was panting & giving me these sad eyes as he clawed on the door. I figured he had to go to the bathroom & let him out in the back. Paraslice: YOU DID WHAT? You let him out into the park ALL BY HIMSELF? Oh God.....I’m gonna hear about this soon....very soon.....BUT WE HAVE A CELEBRATION TO CELEBRATE Everybody: YEAH Noise makers go off as everyone is siked to celebrate the recent Toolshed title win. Dick gives a big goofy thumbs up as Paraslice takes center stage & begins to speak.Paraslice: You know ladies & gentlemen....Every now & then a man has a mountain to climb *the camera quickly shifts to Delicious Dick who has Mrs. P’s flappy breast in his mouth chewing on it like taffy* Ugh, get that back on me FOR THE LOVE OF GOD *camera is back on him* Better. Let me rephrase myself.....Every now & then a man has challenges to overcome *The camera shifts back to Dick who is struggling to put the pants on* I SAID STOP THAT *camera is back on Slice* OK.......Let me be frank & IF YOU DARE TRY TO MAKE A CLOSE UP ON DICK’S well.....YOU KNOW....DON’T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT OK....*adjusts his afrowig* Last Sunday Paul Podanski tried to put me to the test & well it didn’t work out as you thought Paul because what you see here....This is a real family unit. Ever since you retired my brother from the EWT & drove him to suicide I haven’t been able to forget it Paul. Every night I’d think about the good ol days with my brother Tim. You know telling the wife I had an interview but instead spending her paycheck at Harry’s Tool shop drinking coffee & B.S.ing with the guys. Then when everyone was leaving I’d ask Tim for some money & he’d reluctently agree or try to set me up with a godawful job. Man, whatta bro. But you wouldn’t know anything about that, Paul. Seeing as you come from a broken home. You’re poor mother desperate & destitute came running to us for that stability, that love, that Boar’s Head ham & swiss & muenster all on a kaizer roll. Ain’t that right? She was looking for some freedom Paul.....The freedom you took from her by living with her after being oh let me guess THIRTY SOMETHING YEARS OLD You strangled your mother to death with all the farting, the boozing, & the eating What kind of a son have you been, Paul Poodanski? WELL I’M HER NEW SON And with Dick & divine intervention we will be bringing a NEW Taylor into the EWT. And we shall certainly be one happy family. Much like you have been replaced in the Toolshed Division.....You have been replaced in your own biological family. As you did TO MY OWN BROTHER....I do onto you But we’re not finished. Not by any means. You destroyed my brother You left him broken....to the point where he couldn’t live with himself. And he took his own life.....That’s pretty intense, Paul. To get to that state of degradation must feel pretty horrible. Enough to take your own precious life. A life is precious, Paul, & I won’t stop until you do likewise. And ........ Paraslice’s speech is interrupted as a customer has walked through the entranceway. The Deli staff gather up in their positions to best satisfy their customers.Paraslice: Aaah welcome to THE DELI OF THE FUTURE’S PAST How may we help you? Customer: Yeah, I’d like a.... Paraslice: We do not recognize such language We speak the language of the future And much like the future we participate in.... EATING OF THE FUTURE Customer: Hey Mack, I just want a..... Before he can even finish Dick comes out with several slices of ham & a bottle of vinegar.Delicious Dick: In the future we send the food straight to where it belongs the stomache. And now I shall demonstrate....EATING OF THE FUTURE Dick begins to grab a hunk of his stomache & makes it as if the folds in his gut are a mouth with teeth & are eating the ham. He then caps it off by pouring vinegar into his navel.DD: And that concludes our presentation. *belly begins making weird rumbling sounds* Customer: Sick I’m out of here. Paraslice: BUT SIR WAIT Oh crap. Oh well. We still have a very special guest today at the Deli. She is the brand spanking new Girl’s Next Door Champion, OCEANIC The Salami Swami pops in a cassette tape of her theme song into a boom box as she makes her way through the entrance door. The bells jingle as she steps into the interview area. She waves to all 15 fans who are standing & watching the Deli segment.Oceanic: Wow....Nice place you have here. Very spacious....Uh why do you have a glass door & windows when you’re not inside of a building. Paraslice: *gives her a blank stare & says real fast* Yo mama. Oceanic: What did you just say? Paraslice: Uh nothing. Let’s get down to business so this past Sunday lightning was in the bottle as we had a brand new champion crowned Oceanic: Yes, there was. Carla was a..... Paraslice: *interrupts* It was the toughest battle of my life Not because of Paul’s skills because I can rassle circles around him, but because the stench emanating from him It was like a combination of dried up cat crap & a used bandaid just magnified by 1000 It was insane. Oceanic: I’m sure it was, but you know....I won a championship too that night? Paraslice: Really? What kind of belt? Oceanic: *sarcasm mode* Well it’s the belt that I am currently wearing & oh let me see...You announced me as the champion of this division before I came out Paraslice: Oh yeah...The girl’s thing. So how is that treating you? Oceanic: *rolls her eyes* Weeeellll *grabs the mic* Winning the belt has been such a tremendous honor, I can't really say anything that would do it justice. After all the things I've gone through in my time here I can honestly say that it was all worth it. And now that I'm the champion, I want to elevate the status of the GND division even more. It's not about T&A. It's not about silly gimmicks. It's no about animosity. It's all about competition. I think that with the current roster, and hopefully some new comers in the near future, the GND will become the must see event of each PPV. Paraslice: *grabs the mic from her hands* Well ya know I happen to differ. *has a smug grin on his face* Because you see I believe after my match at Magic; The Gathering Toomi is gonna make the Toolshed Division the highlight of the PPVs. In fact I’ve been in talks with him to make my next Toolshed Title defense at the PPV be the main event Because the fans pay their hard earned money to see some classic mat action with a the right dash of athleticism to SLICE THINGS UP Hahahaha you get that last line? SLICE THINGS UP Haha that’s me *nudges Oceanic with his elbow which is received with a stone cold expression as a reply* Haha ya get it? C’mon Aaaaaa you don’t get it Anyway.... Oceanic: Well after seeing your big TWO matches you’ve had here I must say you’re certainly a Grade A something, but I’ll pass on telling you & let you guess. Paraslice: Well I’m glad to see you know that me & the PsychaDeli give Grade A action personified. We always give the fans exactly what they want High Flying Deli Fresh Hand Made Delicious Dick: AND FRESH SQUEEZED *lets Mrs. P baste his chest with canola oil* Paraslice:...Action AM I RIGHT PEOPLE Paraslice looks to the fans... All 15 of them are either bored, tired, hungry, or stratching themselves. A number of them walk out as another guy wakes up from all the commotion& looks around & walks off too.Oceanic: The people have spoken or let the walking do it for them. Hehe. Paraslice: Well I’ll bite Daddy’s little champion do YOU have any fans? Oceanic: After I had won the title, I took a little walk around the park. It was late so I figured nobody would recognize me. Imagine my surprise when some fans ran up to me and screamed 'Congratulations ' They gave me a big hug and they told me I did a good job. Since then my inbox has been bombarded with e-mails from fans, wishing me luck in my title reign. This is the best feeling in the world for me. Winning the title was fantastic, but the fan's reaction was beyond anything I could have hoped for. So to all of you out there in the crowd, I want to thank you for all of the support you've given me. I appreciate all of it. Paraslice: E-mail? What the hell is e-mail? Oceanic: *getting very peeved* It’s ELECTRONIC MAIL Paraslice: Oh hot shot huh? You know about all those microchips & megabytes, but you missed one thing. Oceanic: Oh God, what? Paraslice: This right here, baby *taps the belt* Oceanic: Are you kidding me? What the hell is that suppose to mean? It’s a toolbelt not a championship belt. Paraslice: What? This is not just a toolbelt... IT’S A LEGACY So since you’re so great almighty Jane of the Jungle wearing no shoes into MY DELI, who the heck did you beat for that peace of crap belt of yours? Did you have to send in some cereal boxtops or drop by the local Bradlee’s for your mom to pick it out for you? Oceanic: *getting very angry* I beat one of the finest compeitors in the female division & that’s...... Paraslice: Mama Podanski? Oceanic: NO Carla O. Woe Paraslice: Say what? Doesn’t that stand for cow? You know we have plenty of fine choice beef here at the PsychaDeli. Oceanic: Listen *grabs the mic* Since this interview is suppose to be about ME *adds a light growl when pronouncing “ME ”* I guess I’ll have to do the interview myself *Paraslice curls his lip at Oceanic. Oceanic continues the interview starting off a question in a bubbly voice to get a point across to Oceanic.* Well Oceanic what are your thoughts on Carla O. Woe? *in normal voice* I'm glad you brought Carla up. There's something that I've wanted to get off my chest ever since our match. I have a confession to make. When Carla had me in that Devil Lock, I thought I was done. I came very close to tapping out. I don't know how I did it but somehow I managed to get out of it and eventually win the match. But Carla had me dead to rights. I actually felt like I had lost. That's why I'm going to do make Carla this offer. Carla, I want a rematch. You took me to limits that no other person has ever taken me to before. I know deep down in my heart, you can beat me. That's why I want you again. I'm at my best when I know, not think, know, that I'm facing someone who is very capable of beating me. And everybody here knows that Carla more than deserves another shot at the belt that she held so very proudly. So Carla, how about it? Me and you one more time for the gold. You pick the time, place, and I'll even let you pick the stipulation if you want one. Nothing would make me prouder than to step into the ring with you again. As soon as she finishes her face turns to horror. It must be contageous because all the members of the PsychaDeli follow suit. Whatever they are gawking at isn’t making itself known, but wait....A squeegee like sound is being made by the door way. We begin to hear some dog wimpering as the camera slowly moves to the door....
IT’S SENOR SPLASH TOTALLY NUDE, WASTED, & HIS NAKED. HAIRY BELLY IS MOVING ACROSS THE GLASS DOOR MAKING THAT REVOLTING SOUND Oceanic: Oh my God.....That is sick. I said I wanted NO T&A while I was on here. I’m out of here Paraslice: Hey I kept my agreement. But I never said anything about C&B & YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS Plus hey We don’t want you here Didn’t you see the sign NO SHOES, NO SERVICE NOW GET OUT Oceanic bulges her eyes at Paraslice as she huffs off in anger. Meanwhile Senor Splash is crying like a dog to be let back in. Paraslice: Well....I guess that’s it for today folks. We’ll see you again next week with ME PARASLICE The Toolshed Champion...OF THE WOOOORLD Now get him in & make sure to wipe him off Ugh. Fade to a Bastion Booger Bicycle/Stomach Pump Commercial.
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Post by Virus aka Captain No-Nuts on Feb 20, 2006 23:47:27 GMT -5
(As we return from commercial, Virus is shown walking near Space Mountain, taking in all the rides he used to enjoy as a kid. Sum Guy walks up to him, microphone in one hand, Nintendo DS in another.)
SG: Hi, I'm Sum Guy and my Nintendog just made a poopie. (Sum Guy turns the DS off and puts it away as Virus just gives him a somewhat piteous stare.) Virus, I'm sure you heard what your Round 2 opponent had to say about you in his recent interview, correct?
Virus: Yes, I did hear about it. And I've got a lot to say about it. Give me the microphone.
(Virus takes the microphone as the camera zooms in slightly on him, taking SG out of the picture.)
Virus: Chocula, Chocula, Chocula... I'll admit, you made some pretty decent points. Yes, I am a big, tall man. Yes, I am a hoss, in a matter of speaking. And yes, me and most of the people in this park are rednecks. Meanwhile, you seem to have all the makings of a successful male model: the wardrobe, the fashion designer, the face, and let's not forget the crappy attitude. We're at two opposite ends of the spectrum.
Virus: Now, looking at all that, any other person would be jealous of you, Chocula. You seem to have it all laid out before you. But there's one thing you don't have that is vitally important to your survival in this federation, and that's TALENT. Ever since I've been here, you've relied on cheap shots and sneak attacks to win matches. And that's all well and good in the Toolshed Division, where hardcore is the way to go. But in regular matches? You've never won a match against an EWT superstar cleanly, or at least from what I've seen.
Virus: Meanwhile, not once have I relied on a sneak attack. Not once have I used a cheap shot to get the upper hand. I have lived and died in that ring by my wrestling skills alone. And this week, in that ring, my skills are going to be the reason why your dream of becoming the next #1 contender will be shattered into a million pieces.
Virus: And if you don't believe that, then you had better PREPARE... to BE... INFECTED!
(Virus storms off, in a decidedly worse mood then he was at the start of the segment. Sum Guy takes the microphone back and goes to close the segment out.)
SG: Well, strong words there from Virus. For now, I'm Sum Guy, and I'd say I'm going to Disneyland, but I'm already here!
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Deamon Cohln
Don Corleone
AND THAT'S THE GODDAMN TRUTH!
Posts: 1,962
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Post by Deamon Cohln on Feb 21, 2006 0:22:40 GMT -5
*The camera fades into Sum Guy standing in the EWT interview area in front of the castle in DisneyLand. He is wearing very crappy Disney clothes and the Mickey Mouse ears.*
Sum Guy: Hello, I’m Sum Guy and I look like an idiot again. Today we are in the heart of DisneyLand with *gulp* The uh… Cohlns.
*Sever and Jacola, who is dragging Deamon along, enter the screen. They are in their trench coats with the Cohln’s star on them and Jacola has his festive mask on.*
Jacola: Sum! It’s been a long time! We haven’t kicked your ass in a while!
Sum: Yeah, ah, good times. Anyway, my first question is for Sever. What do you think about your match against Raven this week?
Sever: What do I think? I think that it is some ploy by Toomi to keep me down. Toomi is scared to put me in…
Jacola: *whispers loudly* Sever, we did that already.
Sever: You did? Oh, well, still I should have been in that #1 contenders tourney. But hell, at least we still have Deamon to fall back on with that thing. Right Deamon?
Deamon: …
Sever: Jesus Christ… anyway, I know I can defeat Raven. Hell he can’t even beat freaking X-Pac. For god sake, you could beat X-Pac.
Sum: I could!?
Sever: On second thought, No. But Raven, I will see you in that ring, and I will get that 1-2-3, kid.
Sum: So what about Scott Andrews, he seems to have a bit of a vendetta against you after you screwed him over at Magic; the Gathering.
Sever: Nah, I’m not worried about him. He can gather his little group with EN and Maverick but that still won’t beat me and the power of the Cohln Family. I know he won’t be able to do anything to me because of this big guy right here.
Jacola: Who?
Sever: Oh my god. Anyway, let’s drop those idiots and move on.
Sum: Ok, Deamon, how do you feel about facing Dorf in the #1 contender’s tourney?
Deamon: …
Sever: For god’s sake Deamon wake up. She has to get out of your mind if you want to move on in the tournament.
Deamon: …
Sum: Speaking of that who is this chick that Deamon apparently had a relation with?
Deamon: *suddenly turns violent, grabbing Sum* She. Screwed. Me. Over. She. Betrayed. Me.
Jacola: Hey! Like old times!
Sever: Now, Sum. I wouldn’t think you want to ask that question again. Now what’s your next question.
Sum: *gagging* What is the future for the Cohlns?
Deamon: The World Title.
Sever: And that’s the Goddamn Truth.
*Deamon lets go and They leave. Jacola stays behind and kicks Sum for good measure. The camera fades on Sum’s twitching body.*
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DQorDie
Bubba Ho-Tep
Believe in yourself & ROCK N ROLL!!!
Posts: 635
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Post by DQorDie on Feb 21, 2006 1:08:19 GMT -5
We’re on location at Burger Invasion in the California Adventure Park as Mean Gene is with Flex Magnificent & Dr. Frederick Delavier who are in their ring gear.
Mean Gene: Ladies & Gentlemen right now I am here with Flex Magnificent & his creator the “Doctor of Muscletology” Dr. Frederick Delavier. Guys it’s been quite a journey for you here at Disney Land. Not only did you & Maelstrom take it all over the park, but indeed you certainly found out that Maelstrom isn’t as easy as you thought he would be.
Flex Magnificent: Listen politely at wut I huv do say, Mean Gene.......I huv been everyplace in dis godforsaken Land und not one place serves anyting healthy. I got a hot tip early in de day dat dis place has grilled chicken und salads. So I um ere do place und orduh.
MG: Well that is great in the meantime can you please speak on the subject of Maelstrom.
FM: Yes, Gene, de Fish Monger.....I huv seen dat de poor liddle Fish Monger has opened up a new Aquarium. Frankly, I see no use in compensating for your lost fish und lost tidle, Male Strum. I huv been here too long do be witness do such pathetic rituals. I yam here do take exactly wut is mine und has been decreed do me through ManiFlex Destiny. You Male Strum huv taken me do de limit on 3 occasions. Und dat is reputable for de time being, but as uv late tings huv gone off course fo you. Any man ooo can no continue do defend his tidle aftuh such an onslaught does not deserve my respect no anyone else’s. I saw yo immediate lost do dat s### shoveling Bonanza understudy und wutevuh respect I had or anticipation I had in a rematch has now gone do de current. LOOK AT ME MALE STRUM!!!! Look at dis body.....It has been a little ovuh a week since our match und I am almost back do 100% healt. You on de otha hund I hear is not at 100%. It seems yo back is still suffering from the Triple Treat match und de PPV. Male Strum I huv noting do hide I wheel take advantage of yo weakened state und I will do everyting in my powuh do descale you und tenderize yo do be sold at market. I will huv no mercy. I will not show my weakness as you huv shown yours. So do wut you must Male Strum. Watch my matches, speak do my friends, do wutevuh because I promise you dat dere will be no more matches thrown out. No more disqualifications. No more draws. Because next time Fish Monger....I yam going do make it count!
Flex is next in line to make his order.
FM: Yes, wut do you huv dat is healthy?
Pimply Faced McDonald’s Cashier: *in a voice that cracks more than Rice Krispies* Uuuuuh sir well we have the McGrilled Chicken & well uuuuh
FM: Jus give me dat und a salad, painty waist. OK, you hear me?
Kid: OK, sir.
MG: As we wait for your food...You have a match this week against an EWT Hall of Famer & also one of the EWT’s most technically sound wrestlers ever, Hitman Mark. What are your thoughts?
FM: Well Gene, I yam glad do see dat I will be rustling a man wit similiar ring capabilities. Fo so long I huv wished do go toe do toe wit someone almost on par wit my technical skills.
MG: What? You’ve gotta be kidding me.
FM: No Gene, I yam quite serious. You may not tink much about Hitman Mark, but I believe he has worked hard enough to face me und he’ll finally get de opportunity dat he hus been dreaming of.
MG: That’s now what I am trying to say at all.
FM: Den wut in de hell are you trying do say?
MG: Ugh, I give up.
FM: Give up wut, Gene? But furder mo on Hitman Mark....You may de tidle of EWT Hall of Famuh....But Hitman Mark....Befo you get indo de ring wit me. Just remembuh wut happened do de las’ Hall of Famer dat tried do get in my way. Hitman Mark dough you are a remarkable rustler be fowarned dat I will make arrangements fo you do join Psycho Ape Guy if you dare try do make a name fo yoself. Pay heed do ManiFlex Destiny Hitman Mark because dose ooo don’t will BE SENT BACK TO DE DARK MATCHES COURTESY OF DE FLEX CAPCITOR!!!!
Kid: Sir, that will be $25.50.
FM: WUT!!! Led me see why dis is $25.50!!!
Flex opens up the packaging & examines the grilled chicken burger. He takes a bite has a facial expression of discontent. He gives a perturbed look to Dr. Delavier.
Dr. Delavier: What is wrong my creation? What can I do?
Flex stops & begins to pull something out of his mouth.
It’s a.....
It’s a.....
USED FEMALE DIAPHRAM!!!
But that’s not it! He keeps digging into his mouth! THERE’S MORE!!!
He pulls out a.....a......a.........
a........
BLOODY TAMPOON!!!!
He immediately throws it down & inspects the salad. Surely lightning couldn’t strike twice at a McDonald’s sponsored restaurant at Disney Land of all vendors & places....Surely there couldn’t be a..................
CRUSTY OLD ROTTEN HALF EATEN SEMI DIGESTED OVERCOOKED FREEZER BURNED CHEWED FINGER NAIL COVERED...........
....................
EDITION OF THE NEW DIVAS DVD!!!!!!
FM: *grabs that skinny runt by the Mickie D’s wear knocking his visor off his head* WUT IN DE HELL ARE YOU TRYIN DO DO, MAN?!?!?!?!?!?!? I WAS TOLD DIS WAS A HEALTHY ALTERNATIVE TO EVERYTING ELSE IN DIS FAIRY FRUIT CAKE GIRLY TRAINING BRA TOWN LAND VILLAGE BORDELLO?!??!?!
Kid: I assure you sir, we can make another on if you’d like.
FM: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mean Gene hits the deck as Flex palms the kids face in his hand & sends him flying into the prepared burger tray. Fellow Burger Invasion transport their asses to another solar system away from Flex Magnificent. Flex hops the counter & catches up with the kid. He immediately drags him over to the grill & says.....
FM: So you wunt do make Flex Magkneeficent LESS DAN MAGKNEEFICENT HUH?! Well how bout I add more of dat grease do dat forehead of yours??!??!!
Flex rams the poor child’s face into the grill as he sizzles in agony. Flexes presses with all his might & tries to stop but HE CAN’T!!!! Roid Rage has set in as fellow employees try to jump Flex! He throws them off & catches one guy who goes for a swing. He has a hold of his hand & puts it into the deep fryer! The employee cries like a fat kid who was denied a third Happy Meal!
All of a sudden BUZZ LIGHTYEAR SHOWS UP!
He’s had enough of Flex’s parlor games & lets Flex know he’s gonna send him to infinity & beyond.
The man & person dressed up like a freak face off. Lightyear begins shooting on Flex & has him in a Stu Hart-esque submission pulling on Flex’s arm & driving a knee to the side of his head.
Flex powers out of it & pushes Lightyear off with sheer intensity. Enraged Flex begins leveling Lightyear with everything in the damn book! Flex in his moment of rage takes time out to RIP THE KITCHEN SINK OUT & BELT Lightyear with it!
Flex drops down & applied the Flex Capacitor to flex capacity as Lightyear taps out!
Flex lets go after a good minute & dusts his hands off. He looks around & pulls out a fry & eats it. Immediately he spits it out & vomits all over Lightyear. Dr. Delavier makes his way through & ushers his creation out of the kitchen as quickly as possible.
Fade to next segment.
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Post by HMARK Center on Feb 21, 2006 1:42:51 GMT -5
<Gary Michael Cappetta makes his way to the hall leading to the entranceway>
GMC: HMark! HMark! A couple words before your match with Flex Magnificent, please! Did you happen to see what he did to that McDonald's stand nearby?
HMark: <staring at a wall, a priest's sash around his neck, loosening up his shoulders> Yep.
GMC: Well, aren't you worried at all? This man can become a certifiable monster at any moment, what with his Roid Rage (tm) and all-
HMark: Nope.
GMC: Huh?
HMark: <turning around> GMC, I know I'm in for a beating here. This guy has over a hundred pounds on me, so it's gonna be pretty damn tough to avoid a beat down. But I made my peace with things like that a long time ago. I have my gameplan, I have my skills...I have no worries. What is it they say around here? "Hakuna Mattata". So don't fret, Rafiki.
GMC: A very confident sounding HitmanMark-
HMark: <interuppting> You have no idea. It's Gospel, Cappetta. Gospel.
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Post by HMARK Center on Feb 21, 2006 1:43:46 GMT -5
<The camera pans in to the Hollywood section of Disney’s California Adventure park, right in front of the Twilight Zone: Tower of Terror attraction. A ring is set up in the middle of the street, and a crowd is gather both around the ring and onto the sidewalks. On a raised dais, we see new part-time commentators, “DP” Dave Prazak and Lenny Leonard.
DP: Welcome back, EWT fans. DP here with Lenny Leonard, and we’re ready for some second round action in the #1 Contender’s tourny!
LL: That’s right, DP. Up next, we’ve got the genetic super freak, Flex Magnificent, against the Icon himself, HitmanMark.
DP: Just a little bit of a contrast of styles, don’t ya think, Lenny?
LL: <laughs> Oh God, you can say that again. In one corner, Flex, 6’7’’ of what Disney should call their next ride: Muscle Mountain, minus any technical skill whatsoever. Across is Hmark, who, in this match, gives up more than half a foot to the Roid Monster from Across the Rhine, plus more than 100 pounds!
DP: But then, Hmark is arguably the best technical wrestler the EWT has ever seen, and he’s going to need to put those skills to work as he takes on, quite literally, his biggest challenge yet in the EWT. Let’s take it away to ring announcer Bobby Cruiz.
Bobby Cruiz: The following match-up is a second round match in the #1 Contender Tournament for the EWT World Championship! It is scheduled for one fall with a 30 minute time limit.
<Handel’s “Messiah” begins to play as the lights go out, and the signature choir of EWT’s favorite hoss begins to sing the “Hallelujah” chorus.>
BC: Introducing first, being accompanied to the ring by Dr. Frederic Delavier, from Hamburg, Germany, weighing in at 330 pounds, this is FLEX…MAGNIFICENT!
<Flex, seemingly calmed down just a little since his first round match, does a little bit of posing on the entranceway, displaying his disgustingly large muscles for all the world to see. Nevertheless, his demeanor is still very much one of anger, as he still hasn’t gotten over the match with Maelstrom from the last PPV. The crowd boo’s mercilessly, as Flex’s latest outburst has made him an even more loathsome figure.>
DP: Flex and Dr. Delavier, definitely still focusing their rage.
LL: Let’s just hope he doesn’t go Roid-Freak again. I’d give Hmark more of a chance to survive than many, but how the hell do you stop a 330 pound wrecking ball?
<The lights again dim, but Flex’s choir actually stays on the stage! They begin singing the chorus to “Never Let Me Down Again”, swelling, making a great crescendo until they nearly reach the breaking point, before the great screeching begins and “Disposable Teens” hit’s the PA, leading to a small eruption from the audience.>
BC: From Newark, New Jersey, weighing in at 218 pounds, the Fallen Dragon, HITMANMARK!
<Hmark, this time simply wearing a blue priest’s sash around his neck (falling down over both sides of his chest and down near the floor) and his black pant-length tights, makes his way to the ring, signaling to the fans. A row of college-aged guys in the front row, decked out in the “Fallen Legion/In Hmark We Trust” T-shirts, begin bowing towards him, and he simply gestures towards them with a smile. However, his demeanor changes as he looks towards the ring, and the tower of rage therein.>
LL: Again, Hmark is gonna have to rely on his technical skills and his speed if he has a prayer at putting away Flex.
DP: Interesting note, Lenny: since his EWT return, HitmanMark has not yet been defeated in singles competition.
LL: Well, there ya went and put the kabosh on him.
DP: Hey, just stating fact! He didn’t win the title at Toomi’s House Party, but he has not yet been defeated in any matches since coming back.
LL: Well, Flex is a big enough road block to send THAT train careening off the tracks, so we’ll see.
<Both men stand in their corners as the bell rings. Immediately, Hmark dances around a bit, moving his feet a little quickly, not wanting to get too close to the big man. Flex lunges for a lock up, but Hmark ducks under him, getting behind. Flex manages to turn around before Hmark can do anything. Flex lunges again, but this time tosses Hmark into the opposite corner, back-first. He stands in the center of the ring, displaying his arms to his opponent, while Hmark takes a moment to think.>
DP: Tell me, Lenny, who do you think the other tournament participants would like to see win this match?
LL: They gotta be pulling for HitmanMark. If Hmark eliminates Flex, then that’s a, literally and figuratively, big problem out of the way for a lot of these guys. But even if Hmark wins, he’s probably in for a good deal of punishment at the hands of the powerhouse; it’d be a win-win situation for everyone else!
<Hmark begins to smile a bit as he comes out of the corner. He begins jumping about again, but this time leans in, and pops Flex right in the jaw!>
DP: A right hand from Hmark!
LL: Is he INSANE?!
<Flex is pissed. He goes after Hmark, only for Hmark to duck under him once more, lean in, and hit another jab! The process repeats, and Hmark hit’s a LOUD open-hand slap to the face! Flex is breathing heavily, veins bulging, as his anger grows. Hmark fakes another strike, but ducks out, and slides outside the ring. Flex, in a rage, chases after, and both men begin circling the ring, until Hmark finally slides back in. Flex goes to slide in, but Hmark runs over and slaps him again, before bailing out of the ring once more! The chase continues, and Hmark even runs through the crowd, grabbing a cup of water along the way to pour on himself, like a marathon runner. Flex begins to slow down a bit, and Hmark once again makes his way to the ring. Flex is huffing at this point, not used to such exertion and cardio. As he goes to roll into the ring, Hmark stands back, waiting.>
<As Flex gets to his feet, Hmark runs forward and clips Flex’s knee!>
LL: No better way to take a giant off his feet!
<Flex stands up again, only to receive a running dropkick to the knee from Hmark, who immediately sets about going to work. He grabs Flex’s leg, tugging at it, snapping it back; he also puts it on the bottom rope, and leaps up, only to crash down on it with all his weight. Flex feels the pain, and Hmark doesn’t let up. He grabs Flex’s tree-trunk like appendages, and begins twisting them. Eventually, through some miracle, Hmark manages to get them into a Reverse Stepover Toehold! He immediately bridges back, putting pressure on the legs, tearing at them, but has to break it as Flex grabs at the ropes.>
DP: Sound strategy so far by the Icon, but he’s gonna have to do a LOT of work if he wants to wear Flex’s legs down enough.
<Flex gets to his feet, and Hmark takes a chance at throwing some forearms. Flex staggers, but, much to Hmark’s surprise, he throws one hand out, and manages to push the smaller man down to the mat. Hmark tries again, but Flex just flat out tosses him this time. Flex walks over and stomps on Hmark, but Hmark grabs his boot, trying to twist his ankle; Flex responds by just walking on top of Hmark’s chest, causing the smaller man to begin to cough like his lungs are coming up. A cover by Flex gets only 2.>
<Delavier begins yelling instructions at Flex, who angrily turns and scoops Hmark up. He throws him into a corner, and begins ramming his shoulder into the now hurt sternum of Hmark, following it up with a couple knees to the same area. Hmark sags in the corner.>
LL: In boxing, stuff like this is known as “Puncher’s Chance”; Flex isn’t an incredibly hard hitter, but he’s so strong, that just a couple moves from him, and the entire complexion of a match can change.
<Flex now takes Hmark from the corner, bends him down, and starts hitting big clubbing forearms on his back. Hmark falls under the weight, but Flex drags him back up to do it again. And again. Another cover gets two, and Flex slowly brings Hmark to his feet. Flex tries to throw a knife-edge chop, but can’t get it to sound like anything more than a wet fish against grass, though it still pushes Hmark back to the ropes. The fans boo the botched chop, but Hmark runs off the ropes with a running knife-edge, letting out a loud *SMACK*! The fans cheer as Flex cringes, but he grabs Hmark by the hair and slams him down to the mat.>
<Flex goes about taking the advantage. He clasps his arms around Hmark’s head in a sort of bicep-driven chinlock, but Hmark gets his boot on the rope. Flex picks him up, and unceremoniously dumps Hmark outside of the ring. Following slowly, Flex picks him up for a front slam, but just rams Hmark’s back into the steel post of the ring. Not letting go, he tosses Hmark into the air, allowing him to crash, again sternum-first, into the steel guardrail.>
DP: Flex’s offense now clearly centered on the sternum and back of Hmark; you injure one, you’re inevitably going to hurt the other.
<Back in the ring, Flex goes for a punch, but Hmark drops down, avoiding it, and kicks Flex right in the knee! Flex drops to one knee, allowing Hmark to hit a few forearms to the face before hitting the ropes, going for a Shining Wizard! To the utter SHOCK AND AWE of everyone watching, Flex actually manages to catch Hmark before the knee hits, hefts him up, lays Hmark’s back across his shoulder, and wraps his arms around Hmark’s torso, in a sort of Torture Rack/Bearhug combination!>
DP: Oh sweet Jesus! I think Flex might have added a move to his repertoire, bringing the grand total to three!
LL: Oh, be fair, Prazak; he knows AT LEAST seven!
<Hmark’s back and sternum are in agony as Flex has him trapped. The fans rally behind him as he struggles to find a way out. Mustering all the strength he can, he starts unleashing blows to Flex’s head, hoping to loosen the grip. Flex loosens ever-so-slightly, and Hmark, like a shark, immediately capitalizes. He slips out a bit, grabs Flex’s left arm, and wraps himself around it, trying to stretch it into a standing Fujiwara Armbar! Flex fights back, but, suddenly, his base gives out! Flex’s knee is still hurting, and he’s still winded from before, and he falls to his knee, allowing Hmark to slap the hold on better. Flex is close to the ropes, though, and manages to reach them, but the damage is done, and Hmark is free.>
<Hmark knows this is his chance, but he needs a second to get his breath, which is hard to do with his midsection ailing. He gives some swift kicks to the kneeling Flex’s leg, but then locks in a headlock! He REALLY wrenches it in, cranking back for all that he’s worth. Flex, tiring, slumps down, allowing Hmark to change the hold into a front chancery/facelock. Hmark holds it on for a few seconds, and then opts to begin dropping knees to Flex’s head, knocking the big man silly! When he finishes, he gets on Flex’s back, wraps the hoss’ arms in front of his own neck in a Japanese Stranglehold, and proceeds to pull back on them, trying to suffocate Flex in his own arms!>
DP: I think I get it now! Hmark has no intent of beating Flex with a leg submission! I think he knows how much work that would take, so he’s opting to take out the knee as best he can for the pure purpose of grounding Flex!
LL: It’s a good plan, something I don’t think Flex could’ve seen coming, like a bait and switch! He winds Flex early by having him run around, he takes his base out from under him, and now he’s got an exhausted big man that he might be able to put away with a headlock or a sleeper hold, anything to cut off his oxygen!
<Many fans are cheering “TAP! TAP! TAP!” at Flex, but, from the outside, Delavier pulls Flex’s boot to the ropes, breaking the hold. Hmark, like a man possessed, runs to the ropes, and hit’s a beautiful Double-Jump Moonsault, hoping that Flex is weakened enough!>
1.
2.
2 ½.
DP: FLEX GETS THE ARM UP!
LL: Gotta give it to the guy, Prazak, his knee’s hurtin’, his oxygen’s been depleted, but he’s still in this thing.
<Hmark’s face is a picture of disappointment, as he gets to his knees, breathing heavily, his hands at his waist as he kneels in thought. His face turns resolute. He doesn’t want to take him off the mat, since this is where he has the advantage, but things are getting desperate. He gets up and turns towards the crowd.>
Hmark: DRAGON’S WINGS!
<The crowd pops, but Hmark knows he’s taking a BIG risk. He pulls the big man to his feet, and sets him up for the DW; Flex is so large, that Hmark’s almost off his feet as he sets it up! Hmark pulls, trying to hit it, but Flex is like dead weight…or just something really, really heavy. The crowd stands as Hmark manages to get the big man off his feet, almost getting him high enough to hit the move, but Flex, too large, comes back down. Delavier calls from the outside, getting the ref’s attention for a split second…long enough for Flex to hit the dreaded low blow.>
<As Hmark recoils, Flex manages to get up and lock in the Flex Capacitor! Hmark is again reeling and fading, reaching out for the ropes that seem so far away.>
DP: And now some strategy from Flex! He locks in his headlock submission after working over Hmark’s sternum. Breathing must be hell for Hmark right now, and he’s in a vise-like headlock, cutting off HIS air this time!
LL: Do you honestly think Flex was thinking about that when he was hitting all those moves before?
DP: …well, uh…no. But you can’t argue with results!
<Hmark fades again, and the fans are chanting. The ref checks the arm…no good. Checks it again…nope. A third time? The arm doesn’t spring up, but Hmark’s fingers are still moving; he’s still in the match. The crowd claps in unison, urging him on. They’re near a turnbuckle, and Hmark, still in the hold, scales it. He gets to the second turnbuckle and pushes backwards violently; Flex’s knee gives! His base can’t hold, and both men crash to the mat, allowing Hmark to slip out from the giant’s grip!>
<Both men are down as the ref administers the count. As he gets to five, Flex slowly gets to his feet, but Hmark is barely moving. Flex gets up, and limps heavily towards Hmark’s prone form. As he goes to pick him up, Hmark pulls an inside cradle!>
1!
2!
<NO! Flex kicks out, but Hmark is up! He starts signaling for Flex to get up, and as he does so, he charges him, balls-to-the-wall desperation style, and hit’s a running flying boot to the big man’s chest, sending him back into a turnbuckle. Flex stumbles out, dazed, and Hmark leaps up and puts him in a reverse cravat! He runs towards the opposite corner, steps onto the bottom turnbuckle, and springs off, brings Flex down into a backbreaker across his knee! Not stopping, he runs up the actual ropes themselves while stilling holding the cravat, and pushes off backwards from the top one, bringing Flex crashing down into a Shellshock/Flatliner variation! Step three follows, as he wraps his legs around and puts on the crossface, locking in the Koji Clutch! The crowd erupts, feeling the match may be near it’s finish.>
DP: I don’t believe it! Hmark pulled off Heretic’s Delight on Flex Magnificent! Not as pretty as it usually is, but it got the job done, and the big man is once again getting his air supply cut off!
<The fans are really into this now, and Flex’s eyes are glazing over. Hmark’s yelling at the top of his lungs for him to tap. Flex’s foot is again near the ropes, and, again, Delavier attempts to bring his boot closer! Out of nowhere, though, Devalier goes down! A dark hooded figure stands over him, putting the boots to him! He did manage to get Flex closer, though, and the big man is able to get to his salvation on the ropes.>
<Hmark is getting furious at this point. He hit’s a couple blows to Flex, who’s slow getting to his feet. He hit’s the ropes, but Flex gets the big boot up on the return! Hmark hit’s the mat hard! Flex signals once again for the Flex Capacitor, thinking this is the end…>
DP: WHAT THE HELL?!
<A loud *CRACK* is heard as a chair is absolutely smashed across Flex’s back! The ref sees it in plain view, and immediately calls for the bell!>
LL: Oh, I think we can tell who the guy in the hood is.
<The figure unzips his hoodie, revealing Trik Turner, still wearing a Hmark t-shirt. Without making a sound, without looking at anyone, without giving anything resembling an emotional reaction, he drops the chair, steps out of the ring, and just quietly walks up the entrance ramp, and behind the curtains.>
Bobby Cruiz: Ladies and gentleman, the referee’s decision: the winner of this bout, as a result of interference and subsequent disqualification, FLEX MAGNIFICENT!
<Hmark pulls himself up to his feet, his eyes wide in shock. He grabs the mic out of Cruiz’s hand, and looks towards the entrance ramp.>
HM: What the HELL just happened?! What’s in your head, Turner? Two times now, two times you’ve cost me my chance at the EWT World Title…but why him? I’m right here, come after me next time! What the hell are you trying to prove-
<Hmark is abruptly cut off as he’s leveled from behind by a staggering clothesline by the now recovered Flex. Flex’s face is contorted in rage as he lifts his arms to the crowd, triumphant, and moving on to the tournament Quarterfinals. Hmark, barely stirring, brings a hand to the back of his head and neck…>
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Post by The Lach is very tired on Feb 21, 2006 5:11:22 GMT -5
RA: The following contest is scheduled for one fall & is part of round 2 of the No1. Contender’s Tournament.
*Party Starter hits & Spaz appears at the top of the ramp. He heads to the ring high fiving Spazphiles as he goes.*
RA: Introducing first, from Sydney, Australia, weighing in at 216 lbs he is Spaz!
*: 'Apocalypse Please' hits & Maelstrom heads out to a good pop. Maelstrom is moving a little slower then normal due to his back injuries from Magic: The Gathering. He makes his way to the ring. Spaz is standing in the corner & clapping as his friend rolls in.*
RA: And his opponent from his Aquarium, weighing in at 287 lbs he is Maelstrom!
*The two friends shake hands & wish each other luck. The ref calls for the bell & the crowd cheer in anticipation of a good match. The two lock up & Maelstrom throws Spaz back into the corner. He walks up & whips Spaz hard across to the other corner. Spaz hits it chest first & bounces back Maelstrom lifts Spaz up & hits a Back Suplex. Maelstrom tries a pin.*
1 2 NO!
*Spaz kicks out both men rise & Spaz is rubbing his chest after the impact with the corner. The two trade punches until Maelstrom levels Spaz with a big uppercut. The crowd all wince at the impact which lifts Spaz off his feet & sends him across the ring. Maelstrom pulls Spaz to his feet & hits him with a Swinging Neckbreaker. He tries a cover.*
1 2 ROPEBREAK!
*Spaz gets his foot up on the ropes. Maelstrom nods in respect to Spaz’s courage & lifts Spaz up he picks Spaz up looking for The Whirlpool but Spaz counters it with a Tornado DDT! Both men are down. Spaz is slowly able to drape the arm across.* 1 2 NO!
*Maelstrom kicks out! Both men are slow to rise, the two trade blows, Spaz is able to send Maelstrom into the corner with a stiff chop. Spaz charges at Maelstrom but he is met with a boot to the face. He is reeling & Maelstrom grabs Spaz by the throat & Chokeslams him! Maelstrom gingerly hooks the leg.*
1 2 NO!
*Spaz kicks out & Maelstrom is shocked. Both men use the ropes to get up & the crowd has really come alive. Maelstrom grabs Spaz’s arm & whips him across the ring, he bounces back & ducks under an attempted clothesline from Maelstrom. Spaz comes back off the ropes & Maelstrom grabs him by the throat looking for another Chokeslam. But Spaz takes a leaf out of his mentor Chris Benoit’s playbook & counters it into a Crippler Crossface! The Spazphiles are popping as Maelstrom screams in pain. Maelstrom looks like he is about to tap when with a final burst of strength is able to stand up & slam Spaz down with a Sidewalk Slam. Both men are down again & Maelstrom is able to get up slowly. Spaz is still down so Maelstrom pulls him up by the hair. He hits Spaz with another Swinging Neckbreaker & he waits, Maelstrom waits in the corner for Spaz to rise under his own power. When he does he charges at Spaz but on instinct Spaz is able to hit a Spinebuster! Maelstrom is screaming, he took that impact right on his injury. Spaz is relentless though & he grabs Maelstrom legs & locks in a Sydney Cloverleaf. This has Maelstrom screaming in agony. Maelstrom refuses to tap even though he is in extreme pain. Somehow he is able to kick Spaz away, Maelstrom is lying on the mat holding his back. Spaz tries to apply the Cloverleaf again but Maelstrom kicks him away again, he bounces back off the ropes & Maelstrom rolls him up.*
1 2 KICKOUT!
*Spaz just gets his shoulder up. Both men are exhausted & slow to get up. As they do the crowd cheer wildly for what they have seen so far. The two soak it up for a second then Maelstrom charges, Spaz ducks a clothesline & grabs Maelstrom around the waist, he hits one German Suplex, followed by a second, a third, a fourth & a fifth all of these impacts on Maelstrom’s injured back. Spaz stands & signals to the Spazphiles. He heads to the corner & climbs up. He leaps off & hits a big Shooting Star Press. He hooks the leg.*
1 2 NO!
*Maelstrom kicks out! Nobody can believe it, least of all Spaz. He is standing there in shock as Maelstrom stands. Spaz backs Maelstrom into the ropes with chops but Maelstrom kicks Spaz in the gut & picks him up looking to Vertical Suplex him to the arena floor! Spaz fights back & instead hits Maelstrom with a Vertical Suplex, followed by a second & a third amigo. Spaz stands & Maelstrom is obviously favoring his back as he gets up. Spaz charges but Maelstrom catches him in the gut with a kick & he sets him up for The Whirlpool but as Maelstrom lifts Spaz into position he punches away at Maelstrom’s head forcing him to drop Spaz. Spaz then hits Malestrom with a Down Under DDT! He tries a cover.*
1 2 KICKOUT!
*Maelstrom kicks out again! Spaz does not believe it. But this time he doesn’t waste time. He pulls Maelstrom up & heads to the corner. Spaz tries to lift him up for the Super Shockwave but Maelstrom elbows Spaz & he breaks the hold. Spaz is now in a bad position Maelstrom grabs him & looks to hit a Superplex. But Spaz fights out of it & into a Sunset Flip to the mat. The ref drops to count.*
1 2 NO!
* Another kickout from Maelstrom! Both men are down & need to use the ropes to get up. Maelstrom whips Spaz into the ropes & he nails him with a big Clothesline on the way back. He lifts Spaz up but Spaz fights him off, kicks him in the gut & out of nowhere hits The Shockwave! He is down but able to gingerly drape an arm across Maelstrom.*
1 2 3!
* Maelstrom kicks out but it is too late Party Starter hits & the ref raises Spaz lifeless hand. *
RA: Here is your winner Spaz!
*Spaz uses the ropes to get up & he checks on Maelstrom. Maelstrom is in a lot of pain & Spaz helps him too his feet. The two men shake hands & gingerly they use each other as support to head up the ramp. They stop at the top for a few seconds to absorb the ovation they are receiving. As we fade to commercial the two friends head behind the curtain.*
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Curly Long
AC Slater
Midget Wrestling Master
Posts: 234
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Post by Curly Long on Feb 21, 2006 5:31:36 GMT -5
Back in the Disney park and we come to Curly Long and Mr. Big, they are sitting in Redd Rockett's Pizza Port having a bite to eat ... Curly is dubiously inspecting his pizza
CURLY: You know Big, I heard real bad rumours about Disney food ...
... Mr. Big who is vaguely listening, is tucking into 3 different types of pizza ...
CURLY: ... Flex was saying that this food is pure 'Filsh!' ..
Mr. Big looks up in a puzzled expression
Mr. BIG: .. Filsh? ... what the hell is Filsh? .. you know Curly we gotta stop being buddies with that guy ... ever since he started attacking Maelstrom the guys gone more loco than usual ...
CURLY: .. yeah but the guys a big hit ...
Mr. BIG: .. A Big hit? ... the guy struggles to hit a clothesline ... and lets not get into his ego problem ...
CURLY: Yeah I know ... the only one he knows is a better fighter than him ... is me!
Mr. Big rolls his eyes in disbelief and goes back to his pizza ... Curly looks out across the park and sees Joe & Mike Ragnal wandering around looking at a map trying to find the Indiana Jones Experience ...
CURLY: look its those pathetic Tag Team champions the Ragauffins!
Mr. BIG (with a mouthful of pizza): .. thats .... Ragnals boss ...
CURLY: Yeah whatever ... another couple of untalented smallfry in a big pond .. they have yet to face the real big challenges of the EWT .. like ME! ....
Mr. Big continues munching, trying to ignore the ego overload from his diminutive buddy
CURLY: but you know Big, recently I get the feeling i've become something of a joke .. ever since that bloody Chariots of Fire match ... I mean look at whats happened recently .... I've been a host of a ridiculous game show cross beauty contest ..
Mr. BIG: .. Well I wouldn't say it was a jo ...Hi D'Zee
D'Zee smiles waves and walks past Redd Rockett's Pizza Port ... Curly and Mr. Big wave half-heartedly
CURLY: I've been in a feud with a human turkey ... and the last title shot I had I got taken out in the first round! ... and then even more recently I get jumped by a group of kids, and had a fight with a half man-half goat creature ...
At this moment the waiter who places the bill and then walks away. Mr. Big picks it up and starts looking in his wallet, whilst taking a big gulp of his drink
CURLY: So I have got us a tag team title shot!
Mr. Big spits out his drink all over the table in shock
CURLY: You .. don't want some of the tag team gold?
Mr. Big wipes away the mess
Mr. BIG: Well it's not that I don't some gold .. but Curly we are both still in the Tournament for the number one contender spot .. shouldn't we concentrate on that? .. I mean I have to deal with that Trik Turner guy! ... while your up against Billy Ubermark ... and last time you two met he beat you ...
Curly is lightly annoyed by this remark from Big but soon lightens up again
CURLY: Jeez, back then we were new to the EWT scene ... he had the edge of knowing his surroundings ... this time I have his number! ... which is more than I can say for any girl he knows .. heheh
Mr. Big smiles at the last comment ... they get up to leave Redd Rockett's Pizza Port having paid the bill ... as they go we catchj the end of the conversation
CURLY: .. So Big what's a Trik Turner?
Mr. BIG: ... erm .. you know ... I'm not entirely sure ...
fade out
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Curly Long
AC Slater
Midget Wrestling Master
Posts: 234
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Post by Curly Long on Feb 21, 2006 7:31:28 GMT -5
We return from a commercial break to find ourselves ringside ... the fans are restless as some really heavy metallic style music starts up ... and here comes Mr. Big! with Curly by his side .. in the ring Jimmy Hart is doing announcing for some reason ... his meagphone irritating the hell out of anyone within earshot
JIMMY HART: OH Yeah Baby! .. here he comes its the Big man Mr.Big baby .. he's in the 400 pound range baby and that's not too shabby for 7ft monster of a man, yeah!
Mr. Big enters the ring as Curly goes round to the commentary table. Mr. Big grabs the megaphone from Jimmy Hart and crushes it in his bare hands ... Jimmy takes one look at this and heads into the crowd,quicker than a rabbit in heat, outside and Tony Chimel takes over as announcer
CHIMEL: and his opponent in the second rounf of the number one contender tournament ...he hails from somewhere in america ... and weighs in at around 225 pounds ... he is Trik Turner!!
On that Trik's music hits the speakers as he runs to the ring and slides over to the corner to do a brief pose, he still sports the HitmanMark T-Shirt. A light'VlB chant is aimed at Curly as Mr. Big clenches his fist in anticiapation of the match ... the two men watch each other carefully as the bell rings .. back in commentary and Good ol'J.R is struggling with his co-workers of Jerry Lawler and Curly Long
J.R: Hello Everyone .. I'm good ol'J.R alongside my very special guest Cameron Diaz and ..
CURLY: .. the most amazing and gifted man in EWT today .. Me, Curly Long ...
J.R: What the hell do you mean gifted man? .. your win/loss record isn't exactly stellar ..
CURLY: HEY! .. i'm gifted in areas oher men only dream of J.R ... ain't that right honey ..
DIAZ: Get your hands off me you sick litle freak!
CURLY: Who said that was a hand!
DIAZ: you perverted midget .. ugh!
Back in the ring and Trik is looking up at Mr. Big
Mr. Big take a swing but Trik dodges and runs off the ropes and goes for aflying shoulder charge .. but Trik just bounces off. Trik tries again with little impact .. much to Big's amusement .. Trik goes foor a third but tries a flying Leg Lariat instead which clips Mr. Big in the head with his right foot. Mr. Big takes a few steps back from the move. Trik celebrates this achievement as Mr. Big raises his hand to his forehead a small trickle of blood is coming from where boot and skull connected. Mr. Big's happy demeanour disappears as he begins to stalk Trik around the ring.
CURLY: Oooh he made Big bleed .. he's in trouble now ...
Mr. Big takes a swing at Trik but he dodges under the tree trunk of an arm. Mr. Big turns to face his agile nemesis and takes a dropkick right to the chest, whihc sends Big into the corner .. Trik follows up by climbing the 2nd rope and hitting a ten punch cont which the crowd joins in with .. he truns to thank them and then turns back straight into a heavy clothesline from Mr.Big. Mr. Big covers ...
1,2 ..
Trik kicks out and rolls to the outside. the referee starts a ten count ..
1..2..3..4..5..
Mr. Big backs off to the far corner to allow Trik back in as his imposing presence is clearly off-putting for Trik ..
..6..7..8..
Trik carefully re-enters the ring and then runs at Mr. Big. Mr. Big preares to catch his foe, but at the last minute Trik dips past Mr. Big and climbs up the turnbuckle behind him.Big truns around only to get locked in a headlock ... Tornado DDT by Trik Turner!! ... Trik covers ..
1,2 ...
Mr. Big hurls Trik off and gets up slowly to his knees, but Trik is quickly back on Mr. Big and gets a modified wrist lock applied ... Mr. Big struggles against the painful hold ... The ref is asking if Mr. Big will submit? ..but he shakes his head and begins to stand while the hold is till applied. Mr. Big gets to his feet .. Trik is now just hanging on off the ground, Mr. Big decides to fall forward his entire bodyweight crushing Trik Turner ...
J.R: Well that certainly wasn't a technical masterpiece of a move ...
CURLY: How would you know, you refer to Chris MAsters as the Msterpiece every week .. and that guy is hardly the next Kurt Angle is he! .. what do you think honeybutton?
DIAZ: I think I need a better agent!
back in the ring and Mr. Big has trik over his shoulders in a big powerslam position ... and there it is what impact! .. Mr. Big covers ..
1,2 ..
Trik kicks out again! ... Mr. Big is furious and lifts Trik up for a press slam, but he rolls down out of it and tries for a German Suplex ...
J.R: Thats not going to move Mr. Big ...
Indeed J.R's statement is accuarate as Mr. Big doesn't budge, he gives a quick elbow to Trik's head and goes to grab Trik but only gets hold of the HitmanMark shirt which tears off like a Hulk Hogan pose down.
J.R: I think business is about to pick up!!
CURLY: Really? .. I don't see any Pimps or prostitutes?
Back in the Ring and Trik Turner is in a molten rage of fury at having his beloved shirt destroyed by Mr. Big (in the backstage area a salesmen of EWT merchandise rubs his hands in glee) .. Trik charges at Mr. Big like a caged animal .. with kicks,punches chops and headbutts .. Mr. Big fallsback from the onslaught. A swidesweep by Trik drops the giant to one knee and a dropkick to his head sends Big to the canvas ... Curly stands on the commentary table in concern as Trik goes to the top rope .. he leaps ...and hits a perfect Corkscrew 450° splash! ..cover ..
1,2,3 ....
Mr. Big kicks out ... but Trik isn't finished and climbs the turnbuckle again and catches Mr. Big with a missile Dropkick from the top-rope ... but Mr. Big was able to paw it away and remains vertical but stunned ... Trik boots Mr. Big into he midsection and sets up for the Trik Turner manouver (aka a Flip Piledriver) ...
J.R: Bawhhh GAwwd he's going to try it!
Trik tries but Mr. Big is just too heavy and tall for such a spectacular move. Mr. Big fights out of it and shoves Trik away into the ropes ... Trik comes back with a spinning wheel kick but Big ducks the move. Trik quickly gets back to his feet and truns straight into the massive hand of Mr. Big ...
CURLY: It's HFD time! .. heheh
J.R: What does HFD mean then? ...
Curly whispers in J.R's ear
J.R: Right well I can't possibly repat that on air ..
Mr. Big has Trik up by the throat .. but Trik is fighting out of it and manages an arm twist .. but Mr. Big just clotheslines him down with the his left arm sending Trik intoa sprial! ... Mr. Big lifts Trik up by the throat ... HFD! .. cover ..
1,2,3.
Bell rings
CHIMEL: Your winner Mr. Big!!
Mr. Big celebrates in the ring with Curly
DIAZ: So J.R, What was the meaning of that move the HFD?
J.R: ..Simple really ... He's *CENSORED* Dead!
As we cut to commercial, Trik Turner can be seen heading to the back his HitmanMark T-Shirt in tatters ...
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Post by Gasoline: Gen. Tech Member on Feb 21, 2006 11:33:21 GMT -5
*Gasoline is just coming off the Space Mountain ride when a little kid approaches him*
Gas: Hi, kid.
Kid: Hi, Gasoline. Can you sign this for me? *hands Gas a poster*
Gas: Sure. What's your name?
Kid: Timmy.
*Gasoline signs the poster and hands it back to Timmy*
Timmy: Cool! Can you also take a picture with me?
Gas: Only if it's OK with your parents.
Timmy's mom: Oh, absolutely.
*Timmy's mom pulls out her camera. Gas gets down on one knee and poses with Timmy*
Timmy's mom: Smile.
*Gas and Timmy smile as Timmy's mom takes the picture*
Timmy: Wow, thanks Gasoline. Good luck on winning the EWT title.
Gas: Thanks, Timmy. You take care now.
Timmy: Bye!
*Gasoline waves as Timmy and his mom walk away. A smile comes across his face and he goes to prepare for his match*
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