Spyke the Pacers Fan
El Dandy
Still hates himself for missing the last episode of Murder She Wrote
Go Indiana!
Posts: 8,061
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Post by Spyke the Pacers Fan on Jul 30, 2006 3:11:30 GMT -5
Sandman is already in the ring when we return from commercial. "Enter Sandman" is still playing in the arena. Beer cans are scattered about the ring.
Lillian Garcia: Ladies and Gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall! In the ring...
Suddenly, Lillian is cut off by "What You Waitin' For?" by Gwen Stefani. RLC makes her way out to the ring. RLC climbs through the ropes and swipes the mic out of Lillian's hands.
RLC: OK, yes, technically I am still Spyke Johannson's manager. But until he wins the Toolshed Title at Crap-A-Mania III, I am not accompyaning him to the ring. Oh, and yes, my ultimatum still stands, win the title, or I'M GONE!
The lights in the arena go dark. "Galvanize" by Chemical Brothers hits. The familiar light-blue and yellow spotlights hit the stage, and Spyke steps into the lights to a loud croud pop. Spyke walks down to the ring, stopping at times to dance and appeal to the crowd. As he gets closer to the camera, viewers at home can notice the wristband with a picture of a lime on it, in honor of Limey. Spyke climbs into the ring.
RLC: Spyke, you need to toughen up a little for your Toolshed Title match next month! So how about we make this match a Singapore Cane match?! I'm sure Sandman would oblige.
Sandman nods and holds up a kendo stick.
Spyke: Hell yeah, I'm up for it!
RLC looks a little disappointed that Spyke agreed to it so easily.
RLC: Umm... ok, let's... get... going...
RLC climbs out of the ring and the bell rings.
Spyke charges towards Sandman and hits him with a high-angle dropkick. Sandman drops the kendo stick and hits his head against the turnbuckle. Spyke picks up the kendo stick and waits for Sandman to stand up. Sandman makes it to his feet. Spyke tosses the kendo stick to Sandman, then hits a spinning heel kick forcing the stick into Sandman’s face. Sandman falls and rolls out of the ring. Spyke waits in the ring for Sandman to stand on the outside. Sandman finally gets to his feet, and Spyke runs and attempts a suicide dive, but Sandman sidesteps, and Spyke’s face gets introduced to the announce table! Sandman picks up the kendo stick and hits Spyke in the back! Spyke bends backwards in pain. Sandman hits Spyke in the back of his head with the stick, which makes Spyke’s head snap forward, and hit the announce table again. Sandman quickly rolls Spyke into the ring and attempts a pin.
1!
2!
Spyke gets a shoulder up. Sandman, with kendo stick in hand, stands and readies an attack on Spyke. But Spyke gets a drop toehold on Sandman. Sandman falls face first on the kendo stick. Spyke picks Sandman up, and connects with a full-nelson facebuster onto the kendo stick. At this point small streams of blood are noticeable on Spyke’s head, but they are much more prevalent on Sandman’s head. Spyke sits on Sandman’s back, hooks a leg, and locks on the Pop Lock. Spyke holds the move on for a few moments, but notices Sandman isn’t even close to tapping out. Spyke lets go of the hold, and slams Sandman’s knee down on the kendo stick a few times, then puts the Pop Lock back on. Sandman yells in pain, and looks as if he is about ready to tap, but suddenly, Rachael falls to the ground holding her ankle, and starts screaming in pain! Spyke lets go of the hold to see what’s happening. Spyke walks over to the ropes, and sees Rachael sitting there holding her ankle, Spyke is about to check on her, but Sandman rolls him up for a pin!
1!
2!
Spyke barely kicks out. As soon as Sandman rolled Spyke up, she immediately stood up on both feet, making it obvious she was faking it to distract Spyke. Rachael looks disappointed when Spyke kicks out. Spyke stands up, and trades rights and lefts with Sandman. Spyke hooks Sandman in a front facelock and hits a DDT. Spyke notices Rachael is on both feet.
Spyke: “What the hell happened?”
RLC: “It was my ankle. It’s uhhh… ok now.”
Sandman runs up to Spyke and drives a knee into his back. Spyke falls to one knee, but hits Sandman in the gut with an elbow. Spyke grabs the kendo stick and climbs to the top turnbuckle and holds the kendo stick horizontally, with both hands on each end. Spyke leaps off the top and breaks the stick over Sandman’s head! Before Sandman can fall to the mat, Spyke hits a SwedeDT! He goes for the pin!
1!
2!
3!
Bell rings
Lillian: Your winner! Spyke Johannson!
Spyke rolls out of the ring, and immediately walks to the back, not happy with Rachael trying to distract him. He manages to high five a few fans, but without a smile. Rachael pretends to be sorry, but Spyke is not buying it. Spyke walking through the curtain to the back is the last thing we see before going to commercial. Cut to commercial for “Crap-A-Mania, the Complete Anthology DVD set.” (all 2 Crap-A-Mania’s for only $85.95! Hey, Toomi’s got kids to feed, we can’t let these DVD’s go cheap!)
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Post by Chrysta on Jul 30, 2006 8:39:21 GMT -5
*As Ms. White and the thirteen hooded men are walking backstage, they are approached by Todd Grisham.*
Todd: Ms. White...it's good to see that you're still with EWT...and as we all see, Chrysta will be returning at Crapamania 3...but what's up with these guys?
White: They, Mr. Grisham, are the Cold. Thirteen beings with souls that are there...yet they do not exist.
Todd: I'm sorry?
White: Beings that feel no emotion, though they will fake them to throw their adversaries off.
Todd: I see.
White: Do you, Mr. Grisham? I highly doubt it.
*Ms. White shoves Todd out of her way, and the thirteen members of the Cold walk off as well, carrying their large block of ice with them.*
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Post by Ultimo Chocula on Jul 30, 2006 14:09:14 GMT -5
(Still backstage, but in different part of the arena, our hero exits from his dressing room but he's not wearing one of his expensive suits. Instead he's dressed in a pair of ratty ass jeans, checkered Vans, and an ill fitting "Mondale in '84! Where's the beef?" t-shirt. Instead of being finely groomed his hair is shagging in his eyes (dragging his feet to hit the street tonight). Needless to say, he's looking the total opposite of his previous handsome boy self. Hello, hello, hello, what's all this then? Terri's on the scene to find out.)
Terri: "Ultimo! What's up? You look like...........hell!"
UC: "If by that you mean "better than ever" then you got that right, sister!"
Terri: "So what's the deal? Did they kick you out of the HBMS or something?"
UC: "Feh! They didn't do jack! I quit! I've had it up to my eye teeth with Billy Jaggoff! You would too if you had to put up with his constant whining! "Waaaah! I'm a virgin! Waaaah! I've never seen a *BEEP!* since I was born! Waaah! Even the hookers won't take my money!" My gawd, you've never heard such drivel! And it was constant too! All damn day he went with his (makes the talky gesture with his hand and his voice goes high pitched) meeny meeny meeny meeny meeny meh meh meh! (knocks it off) And the clubs? Cripes! We'd go out to the clubs and he was the Charley's Horse of all crampings of style! He was all (gets uncomfortably close to Terri and bugs his eyes out, his voice gets high pitched again) "Oh boy, oh boy! Lookit alla those girls! I'm gonna score, I'm gonna score, I'm gonna score! You'll help me score, right? This is my first time! I hope I don't pop my cork early! I probably will though! Hey! Help me out with her! She looks like she's desperate enough to go out with me! Boobies ahoy! I like me some boobies! Ooh! She's drunk! I could hook up with her! Ooh! That one looks retarded! Her standards look low enough for me! Hey! You're not hooking me up! Hook me up, dammit!" (goes back to normal UC again) This.....was......all......day."
Terri: "C'mon. It couldn't be that bad."
UC: "And he smelled funny. Kind of a sour milk/urine combination. You have no idea what it's like to hang our a loser like that."
Terri: "Actually.........I kind of do."
UC: "Hmm?"
Terri: "Oh, nevermind. So needless to say this is the end of the Handsome Boy Modeling School, right?"
UC: "Oh it's the end all right! Done! Finished! Dead and buried! Well........I could have carried on without Billy. You know, The NEW Handsome Boy Modeling School! It would have been huge! But it didn't happen."
Terri: "Why not?"
UC: "Rick Fuller wouldn't return my calls."
Terri: "Rick Fuller? Him? He's not exactly what I'd consider a handsome boy. He looks like sasquatch took a dump on a donkey."
UC: "Yeah, true. But nevertheless the HBMS is no more! I'm on my own, bigger and better than ever! No more dressing up in over priced itchy rags that rode up in the caboose! No more pretending to be nice to coolies! Sure, the pay was good, but the rest of it? BLLAAARRGG!!! I wasn't made to look pretty for snobby numbskulls! Ultimo is back to his awesome self, and I'm going to rock this place as a solo act! A solitary eagle! A lone wolf! A cuddly little tapir! And that's why I love him!"
Terri: "That's a relief. You know, ever since you joined up in that fashion cult you've been really difficult to be around. You were abrasive, self absorbed, conceited, moronic, delusional.......more so than usual! But now that you're back to your old self maybe we can be friends again."
UC: "Old self? Oh no. I'm better than ever, honey pot! I'm cranking up the Ultimo to unparalleled heights!"
Terri: "Say what?"
UC: "Aw yeah! If you thought Ultimo 1.0 was hot stuff, wait'll you get a load of King Choculon: Jeebus Lord Gawd of everything all up in this *BEEP*!"
Terri: "King Choculon? You mean like on that t-shirt you gave me? Are you serious?"
UC: "Does this answer your question?"
(From off screen a crown comes flying in and UC catches it. He pushes a button and some neon lights reading "Super Rad" turn on and he places it on his head. A purple cape flies in and UC catches it and places it around his shoulders in one smooth motion.)
UC: "Ta da!"
Terri: (Looking off screen) "Where did those come from?"
UC: "Get an eye full, you creeps in the back! Especially you, Big Chief Never Gettin' Any! King Choculon is here all nice and proper, you you'd better get used to the fact that I'm gonna rule this fed with an iron fist! As my first act as king, I'm going to rid this world of one less virgin! Billy, you lost my number! Now I'm going to give you what you so rightly deserve, a grand royal kick in the teeth! So sayeth the King! (UC roosters his head and strokes his chin, then looks at Terri) Should I grow a beard?"
Terri: "Oooohh..............boy. This.........this isn't good."
UC: "What the hell are you slobbering about? I'm not leaving you out of the loop. There's room for you in this operation."
Terri: (gets hopeful) "You mean I could be Queen Terri?"
UC: "Not quite. You have to work your way up to that. The usual starting position is loyal subject. You can start by polishing my scepter."
Terri: "What?"
(From off screen a scepter gets thrown in and UC catches it. It's basically a Mattel Star Wars light saber spray painted gold.)
Terri: (rolls her eyes, turns around, and walks off while flipping the bird) "Polish this ya dumb slob!"
UC: "That's polish this ya dumb slob, SIRE!"
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Post by respectmeordye3 on Jul 30, 2006 14:25:55 GMT -5
Generic hard rock music blasts away as Clem Chowder makes his way out onto the stage with mic in hand. "I'm only gracing you bunch of redneck morons with my presence for one reason and one reason only!" he growls into the mic as the crowd begins to boo, "And that reason is that last week, some asswipe attacked me from behind with a pool cue and beat the hell outta me"
The crowd cheers loudly at the mention of the Singapore Cane weilding assailiant-even though they have no idea who the guy is-the mere fact he attacked Clem is reason enough for them to cheer him.
" I don't appreciate that and I refuse to let anyone get away with attacking me, simply because I beat some midget--which are useless anyway--close to death,so I am challenging Mr. Mystery Buttscrape to a match at Crap-A-Mania--Dude, If your watching this then gather your balls--if you even have any in the first place--put them in a Ziplock baggie, and bring them on down here to face me--IF your man enough and as I said before, IF you got the balls-hell, I'll tell you what--let's make this intresting-let's make this a loser gets fired match--both of us are relatively new and to be here for such a short time would be soooo humuliating to the guy who loses the ma--"
CRACK!
The rest of Clem's speech is lost as he is suddenly hit from behind by the same guy he's been trash talking just now and the New England native goes flying off the edge of the stage from the impact of the stranger's, singapore cane. Clem lands full boar onto the concrete floor.
hard.
The stranger grabs Clem's mic and begins to speak.
" Three things" he says "1. My name is not Asswipe, Mr. Mystery Buttscrape, or Dude, My name Is Singapore Caine." He holds up his weapon "2. This is ALSO named a Singapore Cane--It is not a pool cue, and 3. and most important, I accept your challenge to a "loser gets fired match at Crap-A-Mania-You got a deal!"
With that Singapore Caine storms backstage leaving the startled and beaten Clem Chowder laying in a heap.
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Post by pta on Jul 30, 2006 16:03:00 GMT -5
Pomp and Circumstance starts up as the crowd immediately starts booing, Principal Pain heading down towards the ring.
Announcer: The following contest is scheduled for one fall! Approaching the ring first, from Dover Delaware, weighing in at 235 pounds... Principal Pain!!!
Pain enters the ring, rather swiftly, taking the microphone immediately and smiles.
Pain: Hello my pupils...
The crowd responds with quite a number of angry boos.
Pain: Now I see Virus still has chosen not to accept my challenge for Crapmania 3... but personally, I can't really blame him. After all, he's quite simply not the monster you people think he is. He's a miserable little child... and without me, HE WOULD HAVE NEVER gotten a shot at the EWT Champion!
The crowd boos, onjecting apparently.
Pain: And Canceler... I brought you from that rat infested country you call a home... I taught you basica english... I taught you your wrestling skills... and you repay me BY SIDING WITH VIRUS?! Well rest assured my friend... I made you and I can certainly BREAK YOU!
He smirks satisfyingly as the crowd continues to smother him with heat.
Pain: And this brings me to opponent tonight...
Suddenly, Pain is cut off as Big Show's " new " theme starts up and he starts stomping down towards the ring, looking ready to kill.
Announcer: And introducing the opponent, weighing in at 497 pounds and standing seven feet tall, the Big Show!
Show starts heading towards the ring, only to run smack into a baseball slide from the principal to the skull. He groans stumbling back as Pain grabs him, slamming his face into the ring apron repeatedly. Show groans, the principal dragging him over with a bit of effort, slamming his face into the steel post! The crowd boos as Show slumps down to two knees, Pain grbbing him and blasting him with a series of stiff knees to the face, softening up the big man further. Eventually, these same knees manage to lay the Big man out. Pain looks to the back as Omega heads down towards the ring now! He drag Show into the center of the floor as Pain climbs onto the ring apron, springboarding into an Asai Moonsault right to the show! The crowd boos as Pain rolls off of him, Pain and Omega proceeding to stomp the hell right out a pretty much lifeless show. The referee has thrown this match out now. Pain lifts the helpless and dazed show up now as Omega begins to level him with a Frat Step Attack... putting him back on his knees. Pain backs up as Omega holds Show down... charging and nailing a VICIOUS Shining Wizard to the skull! Show screams in agony, clutching said skull as both men now set Show against the back of the ring apron. Omega smirks, giving Show the Pledges as he sits against, taking him further out of commission.
Pain smirks, lifting show back up, only to take him down swiftly with a Swinging Neckbreaker. Omega meanwhile has ascended the top rope, as Pain moves out of the way. He leaps off, hitting a flying leg drop across the chest. The crowd suddenly starts cheering as Canceler charges down! Apparently he's had enough of this beatdown too. Pain and Omega swiftly exit the ring area through the crowd for now... as Canceler walks over, helping Show up to his feet. Pain and Omega smiles, having shown their superior ring prescence to the man, quickly making their way out.
Fade to next segment.
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Post by chanceconfidence on Jul 31, 2006 15:22:03 GMT -5
Oh it's time... it's time... it's CHANCE TIME!!!
(The familiar tune starts up as Chance strolls down to the ring, with a bit of... wear and tear showing on him from that match he had with Spaz. As always, he's accompanied to the ring by various nameless goons and lackies. The crowd boos him angrily, as the ring has once again been set up for CHANCE TIME. He rolls right under the ropes and into the ring... this time dressed in a red silk shirt and a pair of tan satin pants as he takes a seat in that comfy easy chair of his, kicking up his italian leather shoed feet. Somebody puts that headset microphone on him again.)
Chance: Well well you lowly scum of the earth... you pathetic peasants... you ignorant... ignoramuses, it's time once again to witness the greatest experience that ANYONE could ever experience. The epitomy of greatness has arrived to entertain you... unwillingly... as he interviews yet another sad sap that couldn't equal a fifth of my greatness. But before we get to the festivities, let's cover somethings first.
(He takes out a remote and clicks it at the Chance Channel... showing a picture of Koda Kazar, the current Ox Division Champion.)
Chance: This is Koda Kazar... for some reason, he's the Ox Division Champion. Quite frankly... I don't understand why.
(He clicks the remote again, now showing that JCJ guy.)
Chance: And this is... Jackoff Colon Jallopy... I mean Junebug Cola Jeffy... I mean... actually, his name is important. I'll just call him that guy. THAT GUY... is facing Koda at Crapmania 3 for the title. But at the same time, there seems to be an opening in that match...
(Chance clicks the remote again... bringing up really small pictures of the five other guys involved in this Ox Division thing... with Chance's huge mug taking up the most space.)
Chance: Now then... it's quite obvious who is going to be the one to snatch that belt and put it around a deserving waist. Can you morons guess who it is?
(The crowd boos, not taking kindly to the fact that Chance called them all MORONS. Confidence doesn't care though.)
Chance: I'm not surprised you idiots are too stupid to answer that question. Well then, the answer is.... CHANCE... CONFIDENCE!!!
(He smirks, clicking the remote off for now and laying back in that chair again.)
Chance: Now then, let's bring on this week's guest. This guy just had a little tiff with his former tag partner and... well let's just bring him out. Virgin Boy.... COME ON DOWN!!!
("Like a Virgin" by Madonna starts up and down to the ring heads Ubermark. Billy is once again wearing his classic yellow tights with the green stripe down each side and his black wrestling boots. He also has a bandage on his forehead from where Ultimo Chocula had busted him open after his last match. He simply enters the ring as the crowd pelts him with heat. Billy grabs a microphone as he walks up to chance with a stern look on his face.)
Billy: Virgin boy?! Chance, you should know better than that! That's Virgin Discrimination, and I will NOT tollerate it!
Chance: Ahhh sorry bout that. Just take a seat there... and don't wipe those hands on my furniture... I know what you do with them backstage.
(Ubermark shoots a dirty look at chance, before quickly sitting down, simply folding his hands in his lap.)
Chance: Alright then, now first things first... welcome to the show. I've gotta admit, I enjoyed you ripping apart all those pathetic tag teams on that show you and Vanilla had together for awhile. Heh... pure entertainment.
Billy (giving a small smile): What can I say? When you're that head-and-shoulders above the competition, its just too easy.
Chance: I'll bet it was. A lot of those tag-teams had a lot of flaws, and you exposed them all, one after the next. But behind the scenes, things obviously weren't all duckies and bunnies with you and Ultimo Chocula, were they? And now, its official. The Handsome Boys Modeling School is no more. So how are you feeling after that?
Billy: How am I feeling? I'll be honest with you chance, I'm feeling GREAT! You know, being a Virgin, life for me here in the E.W.T. has always been a lot like swimming upstream, with all the flack and bias that get thrown my way regarding my sexual status. But for the past several months, not only have I been swimming upstream, but I've been doing it with a 200-plus-pound lead weight hanging around my neck. And the name of that lead weight is Ultimo Chocula.
(Billy pauses for a second and looks around at the crowd. As he does so, a mocking chant of "Vir-gin! Vir-gin!" starts up in the audience. Billy, however, pays no attention to it and keeps going with his interview.)
Billy: Its hard enough around here to make any headway against the current and make your mark in this business, but when you've got something like that holding you down, its damn near impossible. But now, I've cut that weight free, and not only is the swim going to get a whole lot easier, my stroke is going to become that much more dangerous around here!
Chance: Hmm. Its interesting that you should say that stuff about Ultimo Chocula, Billy. You know, that your parnter was the weight that was holding you back, and such, because King Choculan, as he's now known, is saying the same things about you.
(Billy looks at Chance with an incredilous look on his face.)
Billy: Is it really? You know, I figured as much. I saw him yesterday, waving his "sceptre" around and bragging about how (Billy gets a mocking tone to his voice) "The great King Choculan carried the Handsome Boys Modeling School to the tag-titles all by himself." (Billy drops the tone from his voice) Well, let me tell you a few things about the great "King Choculan." First off, King Choculan isn't the "king" of anything or anywhere. He's not the King of England. He's not the King of Swing. And he's definitely not the King of the E.W.T. The only place Ultimo Chocula is a king is in his own little mind. And the only throne that he's ever been fit to sit on is the one that's made out of porciline in the men's room in the back of this arena.
(Billy pauses for a second again, and looks into the crowd. He gets a mixed response from them as he turns back to Chance and goes back to speaking.)
Billy: Secondly, when Ultimo talks about being the superior wrestler in the Handsome Boys Modeling School.... when he flaps his gums about how he was shouldering the load on that team.... well, a simple look at history should tell everyone, including King Choculan, himself, that he's full of crap. Just take a look at my track record: I'm a former E.W.T. Tag-Team Champion..... former E.W.T. Tri-State Champion, and still considered one of the greatest Tri-State Champions of all time.... I've been considered a top contender for the E.W.T. World Championship.... and I'm STILL considered one of the hottest, young superstars in history of the E.W.T. Now, compare that to some second-rate punk who's two greatest accomplishments,..... aside from riding on my back all the way to the Tag-Team Titles,.... were to win a championship that involves nothing more than beating someone over the head with frying pans, and worse yet, stapling a couple of pieces of cardboard together and declairing himself the champion of some made-up division.
(Billy Ubermark turns to face the camera and stares icily into it.)
Billy: Ultimo Chocula, you can spin the facts all you want about who did what in the H.B.M.S. Tricks like that might work in the world of politics, but they don't cut it here in the world of the E.W.T. I've PROVEN that I'm the real deal here in the E.W.T. And for the record, I had no problem teaming with you in the H.B.M.S. when you knew your place. From the very beginning, Moniqua was said that you had the style, but I had the better athlete.... the PROVEN athlete, if you will. I was fine with that, and I agreed to team with you to carry your ass up the mountain so we could become the Tag-Team Champions that we were. But somewhere along the line, you apparently started to get a big head, and now you've got the dellusion that YOU were the one carrying us to the top of the tag-team ranks. Well, our respective track records should speak for themselves, but since you're too wrapped up in your fantasy world to see that, I guess I'll just have to prove it another way.
Chance: Ah... I see. So you are basically here to challenge that Vanilla guy. Makes sense. I mean, I guess can't call you a total loser for actually calling this guy out. But I can still call you a loser for spending most of your free time pleasuring yourself to anything you can find... television, internet, advertisments for bras in a Sears catelog....
(Billy quickly turns towards Chance. His face becomes twisted with anger, as he quickly stands up from his seat.)
Billy (yelling): SHUT YOUR HOLE, CHANCE!
(Chance Confidence, still seated, calmly puts his hands up in front of himself as if to motion to Billy to back off. Billy stares at Chance for a second, and then turns back to the camera.)
Billy (no longer yelling, but still with an angry look on his face and an intense stare): King Choculan, its time I took that paper crown off your head, and pounded some sense into your thick skull! You wanna tell stories about how you carried MY ass when we were a tag-team? You wanna act like you were the saving grace in the H.B.M.S.? And to top it off, you wanna stoop so low as to make fun of my Virginity? Well, here's what I wanna do: I'm want a chance to prove to you just who the better member of the Handsome Boys Modeling School REALLY was. But I don't just want to do it in some simple match in front of a few hundered people. I wanna do it on the biggest stage this company has to offer, so I can embarass your ass in front of the WHOLE, DAMN WORLD!!!
(The camera zooms in for a close-up on Billy as he continues.)
Billy: Crap-A-Mania 3! It'll be Billy "The Virgin" Ubermark vs Ultimo Chocula.... or King Choculan.... or Signore Chocula.... or whatever the hell you want to call yourself, now! Then we can see just who was really carrying the load in the H.B.M.S., and who was really just a load of crap!
(The camera pulls back from Billy Ubermark to include a shot of Chance, who is still calmly sitting in his chair watching Billy.)
Billy: Ultimo, I'll see you in the ring at Crap-A-Mania, and we'll settle this once and for all.... if you've got the balls!
(Billy tosses Chance Confidence the microphone and makes his way off the stage with the angry scowl still firmly implanted on his face. As he leaves, "Like A Virgin" starts playing over the loudspeaker, again. The crowd heckles him on his way out of the ring, but he pays them no mind.)
Chance: Ladies and gentlemen, there goes one pissed off virgin... Billy "The Virgin" Ubermark. (Chance quickly turns to a stage hand) Somebody give me a rag to wipe down his microphone with, will ya? I don't know where his hands have been, but I've got a pretty bad idea.
(The scene ends with Chance Confidence carefully handling Billy's microphone with only two fingers and giving it to a stage hand, who takes it with a rag and starts spraying it with ammonia as the scene fades to black.)
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Post by teamireland on Jul 31, 2006 17:16:44 GMT -5
Tony "The Garc" Garcya: The following contest is a six-man tag match & is scheduled for one fall. * A Rocked-up version of "Amhrán na bhFiann" plays over the EWT sound system as Team Ireland make their way to the ring. All the members of the team are wearing Gaelic shirts with numbers printed on the back. Coach O’Hare is waving a Hurley with an Irish Tricolour attached to it. The team stop about halfway down the ramp and raise their arms in the air as green, white & gold pyro goes off behind them.* Tony "The Garc" Garcya: Introducing first, at a combined weight of 679lbs, being accompanied by Coach O’Hare, proudly representing their home country of Ireland, Aidan Donnelly, "The Celtic Gaint" Shane Malone & Liam O’Neill. TEAM IRELAND!* "ARE YOU READY?" the crowd explodes as three of the original members of DX march down to the ring. All of them wearing the old DX colours & making "Suck It!" gestures.* * O'Hare grabs a mic & the crowd begins to boo.* O'Hare: Oooooooooh, I'm so scared of the big, bad has-beens. Please, lads. You're all past your prime & you really need to start counting your calories. There's just no way you can compare to any of these fine young specimens. * At this Shane Malone takes off his Team Ireland shirt & poses for the crowd to rather loud boos. However, unseen to Malone "Mr. 720" Chris Evans leaps from the crowd & attempts to attack him from behind. However, the rest of Team Ireland attack Evans & beat him down.
DX choose this moment to take to the ring., attacking the Irishmen from behind as Coach O'Hare slides out of the ring & continues kicking & pounding away at Evans. The match is officially underway.* Jerome "The Lord" East: I can't believe the crowd are in support of these, as Coach O'Hare so rightly put it, has-beens. Firstly they attack Team Ireland from behind... Nick Russ: Oh, please, they were helping to save Chris Evans from gang-style beatdown at the hands of Team Ireland. East: DX are only out for themselves! They don't care about Evans or anyone else. God, they've only just come back & I'm tired of their antics. * In the ring, DX are gaining the upper hand & making their usual "Suck It!" gestures towards Team Ireland. O'Hare, believing that Chris Evans is finally down is now concentrating on the match, shouting words of encouragement to his team.
Shane Malone is first back to his feet while DX are taunting. He rushes Triple H & takes him down with a mighty spear. Road Dogg & Billy Gunn look concerned at this & with good reason as Aidan Donnelly & Liam O'Neill take them out with dual dropkicks.* East: Ha! Now that's teamwork. * The New Age Outlaws have rolled out of the ring & Coach O'Hare is cheering his approval for Team Ireland. Malone is taking it to Triple H. Delivering powerful chops to the chest before finally picking him up & slamming him. He starts moving towards the Team Ireland corner when Chris Evans leaps into the ring again, taking Malone out with a springboard dropkick in full view of the referee. Evans has just cost DX the match, but he doesn't care. He's so desperate to get at Malone he'll do anything. The bell rings several times indicating that the match is over. Evans continues his assaukt on Malone trying to stay away from the ground & using his speed & the ropes to his advantage.* East: DX are nothing but cowards, they had to get themselves disqualified because they're too out of shape to compete. Russ: Just give it a freakin' rest! DX aren't responsible for Evans' actions. * One of Evans' forays to the top rope doesn't work out so well for him as Coach O'Hare blasts him with the hurley. DX have left the ring & that general area. O'Hare grabs a mic again.* O'Hare: I thought I made it clear! We're here to take you out, Evans! You're one of those losers standing in our way; one of the people who'll take a championship spot before any of my lads get an opportunity to! Consider this a message! Stay the hell out of our way! Because YOU WILL NEVER BEAT THE IRISH!* "Amhrán na bhFiann" plays again as O'Hare & the rest of the Team drape the tricolour over the fallen body of Evans* Cue the next segment...
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Queen Rosa
Mike the Goon
All hail the queen!
Posts: 30
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Post by Queen Rosa on Jul 31, 2006 23:04:29 GMT -5
RA: The following contest is scheduled for one fall and is for the EWT Girl Next Door Championship.
*Fans start up a "GND!" chant until "What You Waitin' For?" hits*
RA: Introducing the challenger, from Brooklyn Park, Minnesota, RACHAEL LEIGH COOK!
*RLC walks out all fired up and gets a big pop. After hi-fiving fans down the ramp, she gets in the ring and poses on the turnbuckle. "It's My Time" hits next*
RA: And her opponent, from Miami, Florida, she is the GND Champion, QUEEN ROSA!
*Rosa walks out to another big pop and also hi-fives fans. She slides into the ring and holds the title up high*
The bell rings to start the match. Rosa and RLC shake hands as a sign of respect before locking up. RLC applies a hammerlock. Rosa elbows her way out and applies a wristlock. RLC is able to maneuver her way out of it and slaps on a headlock. Rosa counters it into a back drop, but RLC lands on her feet. The two women have a standoff which the fans cheer.
They lock up again. Rosa now goes for a headlock. RLC gets to the ropes and whips Rosa. Rosa knocks RLC down with a shoulder block. She runs to the ropes and leaps of RLC to get to the other side. RLC gets up and takes down Rosa with a Frankensteiner. She runs to the ropes and hits Rosa with a spinning heel kick. RLC picks her up, hits a back drop, and covers her.
1...
Rosa kicks out. RLC picks her up and rams her into the corner. She attacks with a few punches and kicks, then climbs the turnbuckle to punch her 10 times. She only gets to 5 before Rosa grabs her and drops her with a falling powerbomb. She picks up RLC and strikes her with kicks and chops. She whips her to the ropes, hitting her with a standing dropkick. Next Rosa hits her with a butterfly suplex. After landing a quick leg drop, she goes for a pin.
1... 2...
RLC kicks out. Rosa picks her up and hits a spinning neckbreaker. Then she applies a reverse STF. It takes a while, but RLC eventually reaches the ropes. Rosa picks her up for a spinebuster, but RLC turns it into a rolling clutch pin.
1... 2...
Rosa kicks out. She attempts a clothesline, but RLC ducks it and hits a running enziguri. She follows that up with a springboard moonsault for a pin.
1... 2...
Rosa kicks out. RLC plants her with a DDT. The she catapults her into the turnbuckle. Rosa stumbles backward into the PRESSURE COOKER! The fans are on their feet now as RLC has the hold locked in. Rosa struggles to reach the ropes. She makes it there moments later, forcing RLC to break the hold. RLC picks up Rosa and performs a gutwrench suplex. She climbs the ropes. She jumps off, but Rosa is now back on her feet and counters with a dropsault.
Rosa attacks RLC with some punches and kicks. She whips her to the ropes, hitting a back body drop. Next Rosa runs to the ropes and connects with a flying lariat. She takes RLC and bangs her head on the turnbuckle. She runs at her with a handspring elbow attack followed by a facecrusher. Rosa goes for a cover.
1... 2...
RLC kicks out. Rosa picks her up to whip her to the ropes, but RLC counters with a kick to the stomach. She capitalizes with a running knee to the head. She goes for a pin.
1... 2...
Rosa kicks out. RLC hits her with a few punches. She runs to the ropes and is met with a jumping calf kick. Rosa climbs the ropes and lands a diving hurricanrana. She decides to finish the match with a Northern Lights Driver, but RLC wiggles her way out. She pushes Rosa into the ropes and goes for a Bridgebuster, but Rosa sees it coming, so she blocks it with a kick to the head. Then she goes for a crucifix pin.
1... 2...
RLC kicks out. She attempts a backslide pin on Rosa.
1... 2...
Rosa kicks out. RLC picks up Rosa and goes for an inverted piledriver. However, Rosa wiggles her way out and hits RLC with the Northern Lights Driver. She goes for the pin.
1... 2...
3! *Bell rings*
RA: Here is your winner, and STILL EWT GND Champion, QUEEN ROSA!
*The ref raises Rosa's arm in victory. Rosa helps RLC to her feet and grabs a mic*
Rosa: Rachael, I gotta hand it to you. You're a hell of a fighter, and one that is worthy of a rematch...that is, if you want one. Anytime, anywhere, it's all up to you.
*The crowd likes that idea and cheers. RLC thinks it over for a while*
RLC: Well since D'Zee is out for the time being, how about you and me go at it again at Crap-a-mania? You and me in a 30-minute Iron Woman Match for the GND title! What do you say?
*RLC then offers a handshake*
Rosa: You want it? *walks over to RLC and shakes her hand* You got it!
*The fans pop big time for that. Rosa and RLC then pose for fans and eventually head to the back*
*Cut to a commercial*
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Post by jester on Aug 1, 2006 2:24:29 GMT -5
.:. A sharp, black low-rider truck is shown pulling up in the parking lot as the cameras pan backstage. JCJ steps out and grabs his gear bag, with Kitty Midnight alongside him. He proceeds to walk into the building as Jeremy Borash stops him. .:.
Borash: JCJ! JCJ! Can I have a quick word with you?
.:. JCJ stops and removes his sunglasses, folding them up on his shirt collar inside his Crow Hoody. He turns around to face Borash. .:.
JCJ*intensely*: You want a "word" with me? You want a "word" with me?
.:. Borash hesitates. .:.
Borash: Um...Yes. I'd just like to find out as to why you were out of the building when you had a match with The Great Hugo?
JCJ: The Great who? .:. JCJ rips the microphone from Borash's hand. .:. The Great who? The only "Great" around this place is me, J-C-J. And for the record, I show up when I want, and wrestle against who I want...when I want! I had a tag match with that over-grown masked ass-clown and he walked out! So I simply didn't show up for a "match" with him. But...I do have a match tonight. A match against Sonjay Dutt. See how long that one lasts. Dutt can recieve the royal ass-kicking Hugo would of had I instead shown up.
.:. JCJ finishes and shoves the mic into Borash's chest, knocking him down. JCJ opens the building door for Kitty Midnight then spits in Borash's direction, before following Midnight inside. The camera pans over to Borash as he clutches his chest looking wide-eyed. The camera pans back over just to see the door shut as silence fills the parking lot and we cut to commerical. .:.
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Post by The Lach is very tired on Aug 1, 2006 6:52:28 GMT -5
*A video vignette starts to play. It shows Spaz sitting alone holding the EWT World Heavyweight Title.*
S: I have bled for this title. It took me years of hard work to get here & now I am in the main event of the biggest show in the history of this company. I have earned my place & I have earned the right to be called a champion. Both of the men I am facing are tremendous competitors. They will have to damn near kill me to take this title. The hour is approaching, Cometh The Hour, Cometh The Man. I am that man & at Crap-a-mania, in front of the world I will show everyone that it is still my time to shine.
*Cut To Promo For Crap-a-mania*
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Ratings
Dennis Stamp
Has a box of scraps
"YAY!"
Posts: 4,236
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Post by Ratings on Aug 1, 2006 15:24:33 GMT -5
(EWT ARENA)
("Stayin' Alive" by N-Trance plays throughout the arena as BK3K are currently in the ring, both members smiling like kids on Christmas morning. With the Disqo Duck in one hand and a mic in the other, MAXX AWESOME begins to address the crowd)
MAXX: "Ladies & Gentlemen, tonight is a night that will forever be remembered and equally cherished. For not since the dying days of a little promotion down in Atlanta, Georgia, has the greatest and most dominating tag team has stepped foot into the ring together. But tonight, they reunite and compete in an epic battle against "The Original Thriller" and "The Major Player". Our opponents are... The Boogie Knights. Disco Inferno and Alex Wright."
(The crowd boos)
MAXX: "Make no mistake, out of all the matches we've fought, whether it be tag, solo, GWE, KPW or EWT; this is by far the most important match. We have trained for this moment, we have counting the minutes till this moment and this moment is NOW. So without further adieu, allow me, "The Prince of the Mountain" to introduce to you, formerly of the nWo Wolfpac, the Filthy Animals, Sports Entertainment Xtreme and the NYC, the Disco Inferno; and "Das Wunderkid" ALEX WRI-------GHT!"
("Disco Fever" immediately begins to play and ERIK & MAXX grin from ear-to-ear. After moments, their opponents step out onto the entrance stage... and yet, something doesn't seem right. Both appear overweight and out of shape and look nothing like what MAXX & ERIK had expected. In fact, the two men making their way down to the ring aren't DISCO INFERNO OR ALEX WRIGHT AT ALL! Just two obese impersonators, "DISCO INFERNO" (DYSQO) is wearing bright orange bell bottom tights and fur vest, while "ALEX WRIGHT" (ALX RIGHT) wears a leather jacket and bright green trunks. The two enter the ring and dance horribly, much to the amusement of the fans and to the disgust of BK3K. Having seen enough, MAXX begins to scream into the mic)
MAXX: "Alright! That's it! No more! What the hell is this!? WHAT IN THE HELL IS THIS!? IS THIS SOME KIND OF SICK JOKE! WHO THE HELL ARE YOU TWO!?"
DYSQO: (horrible Brooklyn accent) "Me? You talkin' to me? Who d'ya I am!? I'm Disco Inferno! And I'm here to shake my groove thing for all you EWT cats!"
(Does to a little dance and disco pose)
MAXX: "No... No t-this has to be a dream! This can't be real..." (turns to ALX RIGHT) "And you are?"
ALX RIGHT: (French accent) "Bonjour! I and "Das Vunderkid" Alex Wright!"
MAXX: "NO! NO! YOU'RE NOT! ALEX WRIGHT IS GERMAN NOT FRENCH! YOU GUYS ARE NOTHING BUT PHONIES!!!"
(ERIK takes the mic from MAXX and puts a hand on his shoulder)
ERIK: "Maxx, calm down, dude. Take a breather and let me handle this."
(MAXX steps back calming himself down while ERIK approaches the imposters)
ERIK: "I don't know who the hell you two are or who put you up to this. Now, these pathetic insects known as EWT fans may get a kick out of this..."
(the crowd boos at the insult)
ERIK: "...And you two seem to be having a wonderful time. But I'm not impressed. Maxx is not impressed. And when you make a bad first impression to us, we make last impression on you that you'll never forget. So I suggest you take your fat asses out of here and go back to whatever gutter you crawled out of."
(DYSQO snatches the mic away from ERIK)
DYSQO: "Who, whoa, Wh~oa! I get it now! I see why you're mad. You two's are jealous, aren't ya?"
(ERIK & MAXX look at the imposters, confused)
DYSQO: "Yeah, yeah, that's right. You's just jealous that we got the better moves than you! Because lets face it Maxy, I'd school you any day of the week on the dance floor."
(Furious MAXX charges towards DYSQO only to be held back by ERIK MAJORS, who tries to keep things cool. DYSQO hands the mic to ALX)
ALX: "Oui, oui, comrade. And Erik, you are no doubt jealous about how I have better chance of scoring with Carla O. Woe than you ever will."
(ERIK freezes while the "BOOGIE KNIGHTS" laugh. However all jokes are out the door when whips around and punches ALX in the throat, causing the obese wrestler to collapse and writh in pain holding his neck. DYSQO goes to aid his partner, but is knocked down to the canvas by a superkick from MAXX AWESOME. BK3K proceed to dish out a beat down on the imposters while the crowd boos at what they are witnessing. MAXX hits MAXXimum Impact on DYSQO while ERIK clean ALX's clock with a BURNING LARIAT, followed by another with MAXX holding up ALX's barely conscious body. ERIK covers ALX while the REF counts the pin attempt)
1... 2... 3 (bell rings)
(TONI "THE GARC" GARCYA makes the announcement of BK3K being the winners while MAXX & ERIK head to back, furious at what has just happened)
(FADE OUT)
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Ass Dan
King Koopa
Curious about extra lines
Have you seen me?
Posts: 12,259
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Post by Ass Dan on Aug 1, 2006 16:58:11 GMT -5
(black and white)
(Radiohead's Everything in its Right Place place)
(shot of nuclear bomb going off, muted)
VO: My name is Joe One. I have more power than you can possibly imagine. I have come to EWT, not to win, but to convert. Convert my enemies to my friends. Convert the audience to my judgement. Convert the immovable objects to portable devices.
(shot of Joe)
One: My name is Joe One. It is impossible to defeat me.
(graphic) Joe One....coming at CrapaMania III.
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Spyke the Pacers Fan
El Dandy
Still hates himself for missing the last episode of Murder She Wrote
Go Indiana!
Posts: 8,061
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Post by Spyke the Pacers Fan on Aug 1, 2006 23:43:06 GMT -5
RLC is backstage with the makeup artist, Anne. The two are chatting casually while Anne makes RLC look pretty.
Anne: So what's going on with you and Spyke?
RLC: It's nothing really, I'm just trying to fire him up for his match wth Joe Ragnal at Crap-A-Mania.
Anne: Yeah, but the ultimatum?
RLC: I'm sticking by that. If he loses, I'm no longer gonna be his manager.
Anne: Well, the way you have been acting and messing with him, I'm not sure he would want you as his manager.
RLC: Trust me, he'd be nowhere without me.
Anne: So, why bother stick with him if he's such a "loser?"
RLC: *Looks around* Don't tell any body this, but *talks quieter* I get two paychecks for being his manager, one for wrestling, one for managing. And since Spyke was the one that brought me in, I figured, I'll manage him, and get double the pay.
Anne: That's awful!
RLC: Yeah, but it's made me awfully rich in a short time. I mean, I have been here a few months and already I have made more than my parents make combined in a year.
Anne: You are such a heel, Rachael.
RLC: So I may be a little money hungry, but who isn't? And I'll be making even more when I win that GND Title at Crap-A-Mania.
Anne: What are you planning for that? You gonna cheat?
RLC: No. I have respect for my fellow woman. I'm planning on keeping it fair as always. When I'm competing, I don't cheat.
Anne: There! You're all set!
RLC: *stands up* Thanks. Oh and what I told you, about Spyke and my extra paycheck. Let's keep that between us? OK.
Anne: OK.
*RLC turns and walks down the hall away from the camera. The camera pulls back to reveal Spyke standing around the corner from the makeup ladies' table. He does not look very pleased. Fade to commercial for "Schindler's List 2: Let's Get This Party Started." <---- (500 Confederate Dollars for whoever can guess what movie this is from!)*
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Post by jester on Aug 2, 2006 1:29:24 GMT -5
.:. Cameras fade in from black to the EWT arena. Sonjay Dutt is standing in the ring removing his ring attire. "Showcase" hits as JCJ walks out on stage, with Kitty Midnight right behind him. JCJ stops just short of the ramp and falls to his knees, crossing his arms across his chest in an "X". JCJ hops up to his feet and continues on down to the ring, swarmed by a chorus of boos. JCJ talks some "I-Am-Better-Than-You" trash to the crowd, recieving even more boos. JCJ slides in after removing his Crow Hoody, and immediately offers Dutt a handshake. Dutt reluctantly goes to accept, and the reason why becomes clear. JCJ slaps him heavily across the face with his left hand, then his right, then spins and delivers a backhand staggering Dutt. JCJ dives into Dutt applying a headlock, causing Dutt to fall back against the ropes and instinctly shoot JCJ off and across the ring. .:.
.:. JCJ comes back and goes for a headscissors, but lands standing beside a still-standing Dutt. JCJ goes for a Russian Leg Sweep, but changes it to a neckbreaker across the knee. Dutt rolls across the ring holding his neck. JCJ runs and meets Sonjay with a running knee to the face as he sits back against the bottom turnbuckle, overwhelming Dutt with a fast, intense, precise offense. JCJ follows up by running across the ring and charging back with a dropkick facewash, leaving Sonjay halfway out of the ring. JCJ picks Dutt up by the seat of his pants and steps one foot infront of him and grabbing his closest arm like a backsuplex. JCJ lifts Dutt's arm and destroys him with a hook kick across the bridge of his nose. .:.
.:. JCJ takes this time to showboat, the crowd intent on giving only disapproval. JCJ shrugs and picks Dutt up, hooking him in a front chancery. Jester applies a single-underhook and decimates a lifeless Dutt with a Jackal DDT. JCJ remains in a seated posistion next to a seemingly unconcious Sonjay, shrugging to the crowd. They continue to boo him. JCJ slams a closed fist on the canvas and gets up quickly, measuring Sonjay. Sonjay gets up to a reverse chancery by JCJ, who taunts to the crowd. JCJ obliterates Sonjay with his new Colt Cutter .45, and rolls through to lock in The Akron Homecoming! It doesn't take the ref long to check Dutt three consecutive times before ringing the bell - Sonjay Dutt has been choked out by JCJ. JCJ violently drops Dutt from the hold to the canvas, and gets up to a a awe-struck crowd, as two more refs come in and roll Sonjay from the ring. .:.
JCJ(grabbing a microphone from the ring crew and laughing arrogantly): I told you I'd have a match tonight. If you can call that a match...(JCJ egotistically feels his forehead) Imagine that! I didn't even break a sweat. (The camera man gets a close-up of JCJ and he stops laughing.) Koda...I hope you saw this one "bro". Because what you get at Crap-A-Mania III will be ten to twenty times worse. Don't call it obsession. Call it dedication. And my dedication will always make me...BETTER THAN YOU! Don't forget it, because just like these people struggle to swallow the fact that they will never, ever, never, ever, ever forget me, you struggle to accept the fact that I am just what I said...BETTER-THAN-YOU!
.:. JCJ throws the mic down as "Showcase" hits, and he jumps over the top rope and lands on his feet next to Kitty Midnight, and continues up the ramp and backstage as the crowd is semi silent, semi booing. .:.
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Post by Ultimo Chocula on Aug 2, 2006 9:54:55 GMT -5
(Backstage we see Ulti.......excuse me.........King Choculon, in full on king wardrobe, watching the tail end of Billy Ubermark's interview with Chance Confidence. He grumbles to himself as Terri walks into his dressing room.)
Terri: "I guess Billy didn't waste any time calling you out did he?"
KC: "BALLS!"
Terri: (taken aback) "Excuse me?"
KC: "Billy Uberfart, of all people, accuses me of having no balls! ME! Does he know who he's talking to? I gots me some balls, I'll tell ya! They're huge! They're gi-normous! I have to ride 'em around like a fleshy hoppity hop! Now Billy, he's the one who's balls are in question! His balls are laughable! HA! HA! HA! Why have a set if you're never gonna use 'em, eh Billy? His balls are still in mint condition! Never taken out of the box! In fact, why doesn't he form a tag team with Axl Rotten and change his name to Blue Balls Mahoney!"
Terri: "How many more times do I have to hear the word "balls" today?"
KC: "I'm done."
Terri: "Good. So I take it you accept his challenge to face him one on one at Crapamania?"
KC: "Accepted and ready to go! Hell, I was ready to take Billy out last week, but if he wants to embarrass himself on the world's biggest stage, then so be it! I'm a fair and partial king, so consider his request for a public execution granted!"
Terri: "Still on that king kick, are you? Great."
KC: "You doubt my skills as a magistrate?"
Terri: "I doubt your skills as a Battleship player!"
KC: "Silence! Just for that ill mannered retort, you have been demoted in your ranking! You are no longer "loyal subject"! You are now "indentured servant"! On your knees, peasant!"
Terri: "You have got to be kid....."
KC: "On your knees! So sayeth the king!"
(Terri lets out a big annoyed sigh and kneels down. She shoots KC a death glare but he's oblivious.)
Terri: "So, just you and me, is it? A dumb ass with a god complex and a former diva who's judgment in picking her friends is getting worse all the time. This is one crummy monarchy."
KC: "Every monarchy starts out slow, but alas, we are growing by the day! Before you arrived I happened to acquire the services of three men who will aid in my quest of ridding the EWT of that accursed Virgin!"
Terri: "Really? Who did you get?"
KC: "See for yourself!"
(KC claps his hands and into the dressing room walk three men wearing matching purple and red trunks. Each is wearing a jester hat modified into wrestling masks complete with jingle bells and everything. They line up side by side next to KC and salute. The third one raises his arms up in an exaggerated pose.)
KC: (slaps at the third guy) "Cut that out, ya helmet!"
Terri: "So who are these guys?"
KC: "Let me introduce you to my newest subjects, Jester One, Jester Two, and Jester Three!"
(After hearing his name Jester Three raises his arms up again.)
KC: (slaps at Jester Three) "I said knock it off!"
Terri: "So are these guys your goon squad or something?"
KC: "No, no, no. They are my loyal knights, who shall roam the country side and send a message to that varlet Billy that his kind will not be tolerated while King Choculon is on the scene."
Terri: "Right. Goon squad."
KC: "You say to-may-to, I say to-mah-to. Now then, to show you what is in store for our unfortunate little virgin, my Jesters will give you a demonstration of their skill. Observe!"
(KC sets up an old cardboard cut out of Goldberg as a target.)
KC: "Jester One! Do your thing!"
(Jester One, it should be noted, has a rather doughy physique. Not skinny, not fat, not muscular. Just not very impressive. His curly mullet pokes out from under his mask and he's missing a knee pad. Jester One walks up to the target and leaps up, almost a whole foot, and dropkicks the cut out, barely making a nick, and clumsily lands on the floor. He stands back up, dusts himself off, and stands back in his place."
KC: "See that? Billy had better guard his shin bones when Jester One is on the prowl."
Terri: "You call that a dropkick? Viscera gets more height!"
KC: "Oh ho! But wait! Jester Two! Do your worst."
(Jester Two, it should be noted, is about seven feet tall and through the eye holes on his mask you can see he's kind of cross eyed. He walks up to the target, stops, lifts his leg up. and holds it there. He doesn't even come close to hitting the target. Terri walks up and measures with her fingers the distance from Jester Two's shoe and the target.)
Terri: "He missed by about eight inches."
KC: "Maybe so, but if Billy were to run full speed into that then he'd be in a whole world of trouble!"
(Terri lightly pokes her finger on the bottom of J2's boot causing him to comically stumble backwards and land in a pile of unused hardcore weapons with a mighty crash.)
KC: "And now for the coupe de grace! Jester Three..........."
(Jester Three raises his arms again)
KC: "Not yet, you clown! Jester Three, finish him off!"
(Jester Three, raising up his arms again, which are covered in generic tribal tattoos, walks up to the target, and throws it down with a chinlock. He lays there with the chin lock applied for one minute..............two minutes.............three minutes......................(time passes)...............fifteen minutes.................sixteen minutes................)
Terri: "Is he going to do that all day?"
KC: "Wait for it......"
(Jester Three changes into a side headlock)
KC: "Whammo! And that's all she wrote for Mr. Uberdork!"
(Jester Three stands back up and raises his arms again)
KC: "Yes, yes. Now! Onward my Jesters! Go find that annoying virgin tool and give him a good blast! Away!"
(The three Jesters run single file in numeric order out the door, except Jester Three won't put his arms down and gets stuck. He tries unsuccessfully three times to get through but he bounces back. Finally, he scoots sideways out the door and into the hallway to find Billy Ubermark and beat him down. Terri watches this and turns to KC.)
Terri: "........Ultimo?"
KC: "Mmm-hmmm."
Terri: "If that's who I think that is under those masks, and I'm willing to bet my next ten paychecks that it is, I don't think your plan is going to work."
KC: "Really?"
Terri: "Really. In fact, I think you're going to lay an egg. Seriously, those are three of the worst workers in the business."
KC: "Maybe, maybe not. But I promised those guys a king's ransom in treasure if they completed their task, and that's incentive enough for anyone, no matter how fierce a fighter, to fulfill their mission."
Terri: "King's ransom, eh? What is it? Twelve bucks in loose change and a box of Mike N Ike's?"
KC: "No!.................................................I ate the Mike N' Ike's."
Terri: "Riiiiiiiiight. Well! I just remembered! I have to leave! I promised to go hang out with some friends who aren't bat *BEEP!* crazy so I'll see you around!"
(Terri leaves the dressing room as KC shouts after her.)
KC: "Hey! You're in the presence of royalty! Watch your *BEEP!*ing language!"
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Post by Gasoline: Gen. Tech Member on Aug 2, 2006 19:32:47 GMT -5
Coach: Joining me right now is the man they call "Big Daddy" Gasoline. Gas, what do you have to say for yourself after knocking Maelstrom off the stage last week?
Gas: What do I have to say? I did exactly what I said I was going to do: taking drastic measures to get my way. And now that Maelstrom is out of the way, I can focus on Crap-a-mania and the EWT title match. Spaz, you and I may be buddies, Gen Tech for life and all that, but don't think for one second that that's going to stop me from walking out the new EWT Champion. And if it takes dropping a Gas Bomb on you to get the job done, then so be it.
Coach: Well what about your opponents for this week? You can't be overlooking them.
Gas: Ah, Dorf and Heiden-dorf. One is a former EWT Champion; the other has an obsession with cheese sandwiches. I've been in the ring with both guys before, I guess one more time wouldn't hurt. And with this being Limey's last match here in EWT we'll be sure to show them how Gen Tech runs things...with a heavy dose of GAS POWER!
*Gas walks off as we cut to the next segment*
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Post by Moxie loves Natalie on Aug 3, 2006 17:55:45 GMT -5
<Moxie and HMark are standin in front of the EWT Logo at the EWT Arena. Both are carrying the EWT Tag-Titles on their shoulders.>
HMark: Times have come and gone, but one thing has always remained. The Legions of Fans that surround the Prophecy Reborn.
<The fans perk up>
Moxie: The Fallen Legion has spoken.
HMark: At Crap-A-Mania III, the tag-team champions...
Moxie: Of the World.
HMark: Take on two young upstarts. Rated X.
Moxie: Bolt Bacana and Chad Michaels.
HMark: Let me ask you, what are your chances? This is the ultimate David vs. Goliath.
Moxie: You're looking at two of the most DECORATED wrestlers in the history of the EWT. World Heavyweight Championships, The Originator of the Tri-State Championship, <points at HMark> and EWT Hall of Famers. And now, multiple time Tag-Team Champions.
HMark: We've defeated the greatest and the BEST. And we've always come out on top. <HMark pauses, and then in a shout...> I DON'T LOSE TITLE MATCHES. Remember that, Rated X.
Moxie: And after you've been beaten and broken, I will drop you on your head, and I will jump on your chest, and stop your heart. You're lookin at the man who has broken virgins, killed "kings", grinded limes, and the man that ended the Dorf Dynasty. Think long and hard about stepping into the ring with...
HMark: The Fallen Dragon...
Moxie: And the Soothsayer of the Prophecy.
HMark: And that... is...
<HMark pauses>
Fans: GOSPEL!
<HMark and Moxie step away, as we fade out>
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Oak: Certified Jade Hater
Bill S. Preston, Esq.
Edgier than Wayne Brady, Harder than Chinese Arithmetic, and Higher than the ratings for Blade: The Series
TOP ROPE CATCH A VIBE YEAH I SWERVE WHEN I DRIVE
Posts: 15,391
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Post by Oak: Certified Jade Hater on Aug 4, 2006 16:01:35 GMT -5
We cut to the back where Hoss Matthews is standing by with Rated X.
LGC: Hello, I'm "Lean" Gene Cummerbund, adn with me now are the number 1 contenders to the Tag Team titles, Rated X. Guys, first question: Are you at all nervous about the fact that you are taking on HMark and Moxie?
Hoss: *Impersonating Hogan* Well lemme tell ya sumthin Hoss-y, Rated X, we're feeling kinda nervous brother. But we're gonna go to Crap-A-Mania III brother, and we're gonna take the tag titles, from the Prophecy Reborn brother.
Bolt: HMark, you say you never lose title matches, well let me lay a little personal truth on you. All streaks, all of them, have to come to an end. Goldberg, my undefeated streak when I held the OX Title, and now your streak will end. Nothing personal, but if it comes down to us or you guys, we're coming out on top.
Hoss: Well let me just tell you this. Crap-A-Mania III is the Blandest Stage of 'Em All. For guys who are about to have their first match there, you couldn't have picked worse opponents. HMark and Moxie are former multiple-time Heavyweight Champs, Tri-State Champs, and Tag Champs!
Bolt: Yeah, so?
Hoss: SO?! That has to make you a little hesitant about going in the match with those two gentlemen.
Chad: One would think that Matthews. But see, in case you've forgotten, Bolt beat Moxie in the ring. He laid his ass down for the 1-2-3. Half the battle is won already Hoss. We have an edge over the champs because of that. Now all we have to do is maintain that edge and then, you're looking at the NEW tag team champions.
Hoss: Just one more question guys. About the OX Invitational.
Chad: Go on.
Hoss: Well, Koda announced that it will be you, "The Heartbreaker" Chad Michaels, taking on this man right here, Bolt Bacana.
Bolt: WTF?!
Chad: Why is Koda making us fight against each other?!
Bolt: Well, you gotta admit, if we went on to the semi-finals, we'd gang up on the other guy.
Chad: True, but come on.
Bolt: Well, good luck to you.
Chad: Same here. Later Hoss.
Bolt: Oh, and watch out.
Hoss: For what?
*Just then, Sum Guy comes out of nowhere and blasts Hoss Matthews with a steel chair to the back of the head.
SG: I'M THEIR INTERVIEWER!! NOT YOU!!!
Chad: Aaaaaaaaand we're out of here.
*FADE TO BLACK*
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Post by #Classic Hi-Definition X on Aug 4, 2006 17:34:23 GMT -5
*HBH and Cherry are in their dressing room watching what HBH did to Chris Jericho*
HBH: You see that? BAM! Maybe now he'll think twice about trying to make a comeback in EWT ever again.
Cherry: I hope nothing happened to that face of his. He's kinda cute.
HBH: Cute? Cherry, you're in the presence of greatness. Jericho is nothing but a joke. He used to be a somebody, but that was years ago. And besides, I'm way much better looking than he is.
*knock on door*
HBH: Come in.
*Sum Guy enters the picture*
SG: Bret, I hope you don't mind, but I'd like to ask you a couple of questions.
HBH: Well actually I do mind, but I'll answer your little questions anyway. You have 2 minutes starting now.
SG: OK. First off, how do you explain your actions to Chris Jericho this past week, refusing to give him a shot at your title?
HBH: It's simple. Jericho, in my proud and honest opinion, did not deserve to even be in the same city as me, let alone fight for my title. I had to teach him a lesson, being that he should've stayed with his crappy band and not come back to EWT ever again. Hell, as a matter of fact he shouldn't ever wrestle again. He used to matter in the wrestling world, but those days are long gone.
SG: Um, OK. And nextly, what are your thoughts on facing Mike Ragnal at Crap-a-mania?
HBH: Well congratulations Mike. You finally got what you wanted: a chance to fight for my title. But if you think for one second that it's gonna be a cakewalk for you, you're wrong. DEAD WRONG. The damage I did to Jericho is nothing to what I will do to you at Crap-a-mania. For I am not only the GREATEST Tri-State Champion in EWT history, but now I am also the longest-reigning Tri-State Champion in EWT history. And Mike, you will find out firsthand just why that is. *looks at watch, then turns to Sum Guy* Guess what, pipsqueak? Your time is up. Now get out!
*Sum Guy walks off dejectedly*
Cherry: I feel like going out tonight.
HBH: Any place you have in mind.
Cherry: Well there is one in particular.
*HBH and Cherry continue talking as we cut to the next segment*
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Post by teamireland on Aug 5, 2006 12:58:53 GMT -5
*Backstage, Marisol Kaneshall is standing by with Team Ireland's Coach O'Hare. A large EWT logo is on the set behind them.* Marisol: Mr. Coachman, as you know, The Nyrds laid down a challenge to any member of Team Ireland, have you any thouights on this?
O'Hare: Well, I'm surprised The Nyrds didn't join in on the cowardly attack by that little punk Chris Evans as we were facing DX this week, seems like their style, y'know. Aside from that, if they want to face any member of Team Ireland... fine, absolutely fine. Lads, we've got more than enough ability to tackle any one of youse. And since I'm in such a generous giving mood, I'll tell you what, I'll let Noel & Spike choose exactly which of them will be sacrificed & which one of my lads will be the executioner, ha, ha, ha. So, Nyrds, it's over to you.
Marisol: Thankyou, Mr. Coachman.
*O'Hare wanders off muttering to himself & rolling his eyes as we zoom in on the EWT logo.*
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