Women are Nature's worst communicators

[HMARK Center]

Tell me I'm not the only one who's dealt with this:

Why do women own cellphones if they never use them to tell you that they have to cancel on plans for the night?

I mean, seriously, I'm pretty sure, in dealing with almost every girl/woman I've known from the time I was 16 to today, that any time I've made plans with one and she's had to cancel, I've only learned that the plans fell through when I ask her about them, usually less than a day (or even less than an hour) before we were supposed to meet up.

It doesn't matter if it's a girl you're getting to know casually, a girl you're just friends with, or a girl you've dated for months; women don't seem to communicate anything to you (and that's even ignoring how they don't communicate to you why they're angry, or whether they're interested in you, or anything at all, for that matter).
Just tonight, I made plans with a girl I've been seeing for a little bit, called her a few minutes before I was gonna leave to meet her, and she JUST THEN decided to inform me that she forgot about a birthday party she had to go to. Really? You mean you couldn't have left me a text two hours ago saying "Forgot I had a birthday to go to, can I get a rain check?", and instead I had to completely change around my entire evening's worth of plans? How come you had to wait until I called to let me in on the little secret?

It never seems to matter; you can check a day or week ahead of time to make sure your plans are solid, but then it turns into "I forgot I had to go <name a place here>", or "My family just made plans for this and that", or whatever other excuse that apparently wasn't important enough for her to actually go out of her way to tell you.

The worst part? Most of these excuses are VALID! They're perfectly reasonable! Anybody, on any given day, could forget about plans they had previously made. Anybody could have a situation where something comes up and they have to cancel on other plans. It happens all the time.

So why not just pick up the @#$% phone and TELL US, ladies?!


...I'm sorry, I haven't had a good rant on these boards for a long time.

Any ladies who have stories about why us guys are worse communicators, feel free to fire away.

[Thaal Sinestro]

Women are strange mystical creatures we just have to get used to it.

[EAT IT]

Women like shiny things.

[Rorschach]

Actually, most studies show women are better at communicating than men are...they actually have richer, more in depth communication with each other than we do amongst ourselves. Women, for some reason, are more in tune with body language and facial expressions...the whole communication enchilada. Men speak and then wait for their turn to speak again, usually.

[HMARK Center]

May 9, 2009 0:03:54 GMT -5 Thaal Sinestro said:

Women are strange mystical creatures we just have to get used to it.

Not mystical, just not worth the energy necessary to figure out.

Rubix Cubes aren't mystical.

Actually, most studies show women are better at communicating than men are...they actually have richer, more in depth communication with each other than we do amongst ourselves. Women, for some reason, are more in tune with body language and facial expressions...the whole communication enchilada. Men speak and then wait for their turn to speak again, usually.

Probably a fair assessment on one level, but they still don't know how to use the friggin' phone.

[carter 15]

Most ladies i know, communicate far too much.

Your experiences are the total opposite of mine.

[Vice honcho room temperature]

I can never tell what a sloth has to say

[Dr. T is an alien]

May 9, 2009 0:15:25 GMT -5 Rorschach said:

Actually, most studies show women are better at communicating than men are...they actually have richer, more in depth communication with each other than we do amongst ourselves. Women, for some reason, are more in tune with body language and facial expressions...the whole communication enchilada. Men speak and then wait for their turn to speak again, usually.

That may be true, but it bites them in the ass enough that they should learn better. When a guy wants to get a certain message across, their less complex communication skills inspire them to just come straight out and say what they mean. The fact that you don't learn about the blown plans means one of a few things:

1) You did not learn about the change of plans because you did not ask about them right.
2) She never intended to go through the plans but you were too dense to get it when she tried to "tell you".
3) You were the back-up plan.
4) She was just using you to make someone else jealous.
5) Any other possible reason that my piddly man-brain can't get.

[Chuckie Finster]

Women are complicated so they think men are as well and are over-analytical when it comes to men. And for some women, they're just airheads. Either one or the other.

Free advice for women. Men are not complicated. We are minimalistic when it comes to functioning and thus mind games or emotional chess is something you come up with because of your over-analytical ways. Just be straight forward with us.

[laughytaffy]

OMG MISOGYNIST! HOW DARE YOU CRITICIZE WOMEN?!

[Rube]

These girls just don't want to go out with you, dude. Sorry.

[Alexander The So-so]

May 9, 2009 3:08:02 GMT -5 Chuckie Finster said:

Women are complicated so they think men are as well and are over-analytical when it comes to men. And for some women, they're just airheads. Either one or the other.

Free advice for women. Men are not complicated. We are minimalistic when it comes to functioning and thus mind games or emotional chess is something you come up with because of your over-analytical ways. Just be straight forward with us.

I honestly don't see how that applies to the situation the OP described. When a woman who you only know casually from a few brief dates doesn't bother to tell you well in advance, on her own without being asked, that she needs to change plans, that's not a matter of overanalysis or being complicated. If anything, it suggests the opposite; that it barely crossed her mind to give him the courtesy of a warning. How was he supposed to know that she had plans, when they only have a casual relationship, and are neither close friends nor intimate, and therefore don't know everything going on in her personal life?

Furthermore, if she was as complicated and overanalytical and thought social things through as much as people here suggest women do, then surely it would've crossed her mind that not bothering to tell her date until the last minute, only after he asks, could be a major inconvenience and/or very rude and hurtful towards his feelings. It doesn't take a psychologist to reach that conclusion, because it's common sense.

If anything, my take on it is that this kind of inconsiderate behavior on these women's parts is due in large part to this "oh, we men aren't complicated, we don't get complex social interactions, blah blah blah" idea being so pervasive. Far from frequently assuming that men overanalyze, I'd say that most women are the opposite, and assume the same thing you do about men not being complicated. Because of this, they don't think it as necessary to put in the effort and the courage towards such things as, say, an honest and firm but polite rejection upon being asked out, or a courteous phone call canceling or rescheduling a date as soon as she learns of a scheduling conflict. They figure they can just get away with making some lame, intelligence-insulting excuse, or stringing you along until the last minute, because so many men will just chalk it up as "oh well, I must've missed the signs, 'cause she's a complicated woman and I'm just a dumb man!" That attitude is bullexcratory matter; honestly, I'd strongly suggest that if you were to speak up about this and actually call them on such behavior and make it clear that it's hurtful and inconsiderate, it'd stop soon enough.

Being straightforward and honest in relationships is not a matter of complicated vs. simple. It's common courtesy and respect. Playing mind games and overcomplicating relationships is not some admirable trait coming from the mind of a superior species; it's cowardice, plain and simple. It's the sign of a person too scared and lazy to work hard enough to reach definitive solutions to problems that arise in social interactions, so they run from them and drag them on into oblivion rather than be faced with the fact that they are not, in fact, perfect people.

Of course, that's just my take on it, as someone who neither feels the need to apologize for being male, nor finds it necessary to worship at some babe's goddess altar in exchange for the wondrous privelage of some decent sex and companionship.

[sloride]

We're strange creatures, you will never be able to figure us out!

[Shy Guy]

May 9, 2009 3:08:02 GMT -5 Chuckie Finster said:

Men are not complicated. We are minimalistic when it comes to functioning and thus mind games or emotional chess is something you come up with because of your over-analytical ways.

false.

[Loki]

I've come to the conclusion that when they don't bother to tell you, and you have to ask/check yourself, it's just because they don't care enough about the plan and/or you.

BTW, every excuse and "last minute plan she had all along but just forgot to tell you about" might sound valid and reasonable, but that doesn't take away from the fact it's rude and disrespectful.
And there are just so many times [like, 2...] when I can accept you forgot you have to drive grandma to the doctor, or cousin Doofus from Hicksville is coming to visit you, before it gets fishy...

To me, it counts just as if I've got stood up by them. Knowing it one hour before the planned "date" [term used loosely, also in a non romantic way] is no different than no showing at all, and having me wait like a fool.

It's not a matter of men being straightforward or women being complicated.

It's a matter of basic politeness and courtesy.

[HMARK Center]

May 9, 2009 3:13:26 GMT -5 Rube said:

These girls just don't want to go out with you, dude. Sorry.

In a couple of cases you're absolutely right, but this has happened with girls I've dated for multiple months or had some sort of previously established relationship with, as well. It hasn't been exclusive to casual dates.

I do think there's something to be said for women just never really wanting to be direct with guys, which ironically enough is, 95% of the time, the best way to get something across to us, directly. Not because we're "dumb, oafish men", but because that's how we process most information of that type. We're not incapable of non-verbal communication, but our minds seem to prefer direct answers to questions (call us crazy).

BTW, every excuse and "last minute plan she had all along but just forgot to tell you about" might sound valid and reasonable, but that doesn't take away from the fact it's rude and disrespectful.

That's exactly the point I was making. The last minute plans, 99% of the time, are valid, so why not just make a call or text saying "My bad, let's reschedule"? To me, it IS a matter of common courtesy.

[mikeyb]

On a related subject, I found this helpful Rosetta Stone for communication:

WANTS AND NEEDS (wontz and nedz) n.
Female: The delicate balance of emotional, physical and psychological longing one seeks to have fulfilled in a relationship.
Male: Food, sex, and beer.

THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female: Any part under a car's hood.
Male: The strap fastener on a woman's bra.

LESBIAN (lez-bi-an) n.
Female: A woman who makes love to other women.
Male: A woman who has sex with other women so men can watch and get really turned on.

GLASS CEILING (glas see-ling) n.
Female: The invisible barrier that stops women from rising to the upper levels in business.
Male: What would really be great at work since that hot babe took over the office one flight up.

VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female: Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male: The exhaust port on the Death Star

COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
Female: A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male: Not trying to pick up other women while out with one's girlfriend.

ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female: A good movie, concert, play, or book.
Male: Anything with one ball, two folds, or three stooges.

MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female: The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male: What we have to call f***ing to get women to f***.

TASTE (tayst) v.
Female: Something you do frequently to whatever you're cooking, to make sure it's good.
Male: Something you must do to anything you think has gone bad, prior to tossing it out.

[Tarik Dee]

May 9, 2009 7:39:37 GMT -5 mikeyb said:

On a related subject, I found this helpful Rosetta Stone for communication:

WANTS AND NEEDS (wontz and nedz) n.
Female: The delicate balance of emotional, physical and psychological longing one seeks to have fulfilled in a relationship.
Male: Food, sex, and beer.

THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female: Any part under a car's hood.
Male: The strap fastener on a woman's bra.

LESBIAN (lez-bi-an) n.
Female: A woman who makes love to other women.
Male: A woman who has sex with other women so men can watch and get really turned on.

GLASS CEILING (glas see-ling) n.
Female: The invisible barrier that stops women from rising to the upper levels in business.
Male: What would really be great at work since that hot babe took over the office one flight up.

VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female: Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male: The exhaust port on the Death Star

COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
Female: A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male: Not trying to pick up other women while out with one's girlfriend.

ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female: A good movie, concert, play, or book.
Male: Anything with one ball, two folds, or three stooges.

MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female: The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male: What we have to call snorking to get women to snork.

TASTE (tayst) v.
Female: Something you do frequently to whatever you're cooking, to make sure it's good.
Male: Something you must do to anything you think has gone bad, prior to tossing it out.

WOW I think more like a woman than a man.

[Janitor From Mars]

Not to judge all women but when a woman tells you that she appreciates your honesty but she doesn't want anything to do with you, well, WHAT IS THAT?

It's all good. It just means that I've got to work on myself some more.

[Lair of the Shadow MaDaBa]

Here's another good question.

If you had no intention of going out with him in the first place...why didn't you just say "no"?

By that, I don't mean coming up with a bullshit excuse like "I think of you as a friend" (even though we've shared maybe six words with each other) or "I don't think my boyfriend would approve" (you may as well just laugh in our face). You don't need an excuse; you think you're letting us down easy, but all you're doing is toying with us and patronizing us.

This is how it should go:

"Wanna go out sometime?"
"No."
"OK."

BAM! No time wasted, no imagination wasted...no problems whatsoever with that.