4real
Wade Wilson
Posts: 27,673
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Post by 4real on Dec 5, 2009 5:02:42 GMT -5
Being a stalker is fine.........as long as your a Vampire.
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Post by casualobserver on Dec 5, 2009 8:06:09 GMT -5
- Do not be the first woman on James Bond's mission to sleep with him. It will not end well for you.
- For the same reason, don't be the only black guy on any group trip where you're miles away from help.
- Somebody chasing you with his car? No problem! You'll be able to outrun it with ease.
- Nothing can save a relationship better than a last-minute chase to the airport to proclaim your undying love for the object of your desire before he/she boards the plane and leaves you forever.
- The killer is never completely dead. Never! Do not turn around even for a second after you have incapacitated him. I repeat! He is not dead!
- The police have a very slow response time when you need help. They will only show up either just after you have killed the bad guy, or long after the bad guy killed you and made his escape.
- Every championship final will come down to a last-second touchdown, homerun, goal, or shot to win the game. There can be no other outcome.
- No matter how badly beaten a fighter is, the referee will NEVER stop the fight.
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Dave at the Movies
Bill S. Preston, Esq.
VINTAGE D-DAY DAVE! Always cranking dat thing.
Posts: 18,224
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Post by Dave at the Movies on Dec 5, 2009 9:49:42 GMT -5
If you want to avoid a nuclear bomb jump into a fridge and you will be fine!!
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Post by Confused Mark Wahlberg on Dec 5, 2009 10:03:14 GMT -5
Serial killers aren't inept losers at life who live with their mom, but brilliant geniuses who outwit the cops at every turn, usually with some witty banter thrown in.
You don't say 'goodbye', you just hang up the phone when you're finished.
If you're a hero who wears a costume that doesn't cover your mouth, bad guys will NEVER think to aim at said mouth. See: Batman, Robocop, Daredevil.
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Post by Bobafett on Dec 5, 2009 12:12:40 GMT -5
NEVER tell anyone you got a sweetheart/ fiancee/ Wife expecting first child before a battle, you will not survive
to any teen women in horrors, if the killer is in the house NEVER run up the stairs..run out the door
on that note if someone is stalking youor chasing you, you're car won't work or will wait till they can clearly see /attempt to get at you before the engine springs to life, if you think you may get in situations like that buy a Volvo
Never be honorable in the last fight, the other guy has killed/kidnapped/generally been evil.. you REALLY think he's gonna be honorable? so no "lets settle this with our fists" crap or if you say that wait for him to drop his gun and bullseye him in the head, Indiana Jones knew the score
Computers can interact with alien when yet MACs and PC's can't
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Post by Confused Mark Wahlberg on Dec 5, 2009 13:56:23 GMT -5
If you're not the main hero and you have a gun pointed at the bad guy, the gun will never shoot. It will either jam, have no bullets, or you will have stupidly not taken off the safety.
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Post by casualobserver on Dec 5, 2009 14:22:23 GMT -5
When the godfather asks a favor from you, doing it is generally the best course of action. Calling him "a stupid f***ing guinea" is probably not the smartest thing to do.
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ddt
Don Corleone
The King of Strings
Posts: 2,015
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Post by ddt on Dec 5, 2009 14:42:39 GMT -5
Bad guys always have bad aim, but the good guys can hit any target from any distance with one shot and with perfect accuracy.
Only geeks and psychos are not attractive.
Any good looking person in their early-20s can be a veteran FBI agent who is heading up the world's most important crime investigation.
Any movie that is "based on a true story" is 99.9% fabricated by Hollywood.
University Deans are always unethical and mean.
Heroes and heroines always have near-perfect bodies, but are never seen in a gym and always eat fattening foods.
Any kid can outsmart any seasoned criminal.
Teenagers are a thousand times wiser and mature than teenagers actually are.
It will always be raining when two people finally profess their undying love for one another.
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Post by Bobafett on Dec 5, 2009 15:30:57 GMT -5
If theres someone onscreen in a group and their name has not been mentioned.. don't worry, he/she will die before you need to care (Redshirt syndrome )
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Grendel
Bill S. Preston, Esq.
But ... why is all the rum gone?
Posts: 17,593
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Post by Grendel on Dec 5, 2009 19:17:44 GMT -5
An evil, laughing businessman will jet ski into the mouth of a giant shark while trying to make his getaway. Same giant shark will change in size from shot to shot.
If you're going into an area with a monster, beast, killer, etc., and you have one doofus in the group who started all the trouble in the first place, it's best to cave their skull in on the spot and leave immediately before they get you all killed.
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Post by Confused Mark Wahlberg on Dec 5, 2009 21:36:14 GMT -5
If you're not really handsome, but not really ugly per se either, you'll always be the villain.
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Post by Silent Brad on Dec 6, 2009 0:38:04 GMT -5
You can make soap out of fat people.
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Post by Lair of the Shadow MaDaBa on Dec 6, 2009 0:40:17 GMT -5
Except for the extremely rare comedy, fat people cannot be taken seriously and they will never be the hero.
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mrrotten
Don Corleone
The #1 Kaneinite
Posts: 2,066
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Post by mrrotten on Dec 13, 2009 20:45:06 GMT -5
If you're part of a crew, whatever you do, don't take the red shirt!
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Post by Dr. Mantis Toboggan on Dec 13, 2009 20:57:18 GMT -5
You can make soap out of fat people. Urine is sterile,you know.... You can drink it....
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Post by Jackson "The Cool" Carter on Dec 13, 2009 21:36:08 GMT -5
Wearing white shirts is highly dangerous. You can be sure to be shot or/and stabbed tent minutes after leaving your house if you wear one. Unless your name is Vin Diesel, then the tighter and whiter the shirt. The more immune you become.
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Grendel
Bill S. Preston, Esq.
But ... why is all the rum gone?
Posts: 17,593
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Post by Grendel on Dec 13, 2009 22:32:40 GMT -5
The hotter a woman is, the less intelligent she will likely be. Unless you put glasses on her and then suddenly she's a freaking genius.
The fat guy can get the girl, but only if he's funny.
A superhero can tell the United Nations that he will get rid of all nuclear weapons on the planet, and everyone cheers.
Even though there are large fights with hundreds of thousands of collateral damage, people will still live in cities where heroes and villains slug it out on a daily basis. People still go about their business, even if they get caught in the crossfire.
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Post by RI Richmark on Dec 13, 2009 22:59:45 GMT -5
When you need a touchdown to win and there is only time for one more play, now is the time to debut that overly complicated trick play that your team hasn't practiced and most likely you just pulled out of your ass.
Once a season, that morbidly obese offensive lineman will recover a fumble and run for a touchdown. Attempted tacklers will just bounce off the lineman just before he collapses in a heap in the end zone.
In any sport, the last timeout lasts as long as the coach or star player needs to make an inspirational speech.
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Post by RI Richmark on Dec 13, 2009 23:08:12 GMT -5
Hire that coach that nobody else will take a chance on. His unorthodox methods will anger the press, but the players will start to believe in themselves and that's all it takes to turn them from losers into an unstoppable juggernaut.
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Grendel
Bill S. Preston, Esq.
But ... why is all the rum gone?
Posts: 17,593
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Post by Grendel on Dec 13, 2009 23:11:42 GMT -5
The most popular sport in the future will be the Death Race ... either that, or Jugging.
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