I Think I'm Done With Dating...

[theryno665]

Not that I was ever all that adept at it anyway, I just feel like the constant failure of getting a girl to notice and like me isn't worth the constant trying. I tried not focusing on it for the past few months, instead focusing on my stand-up comedy, but I've been feel pretty lonely lately and my depression is kicking back in. I just can't stop thinking about a girl I fell for over a year ago and I just don't have any options with anyone else. I'm just trying to rationalize it because if I've learned anything over the course of my life, it's that "being myself" is pretty much poison to the opposite sex. Add to the fact that people keep saying there's nothing wrong with me, now I don't have any idea as to what to work on so that I can get better.

So I just need to be done with it. There has to be a way I can stop thinking like this and just be. Any ideas?

[agent817]

Nov 12, 2011 12:20:01 GMT -5 theryno665 said:

Not that I was ever all that adept at it anyway, I just feel like the constant failure of getting a girl to notice and like me isn't worth the constant trying. I tried not focusing on it for the past few months, instead focusing on my stand-up comedy, but I've been feel pretty lonely lately and my depression is kicking back in. I just can't stop thinking about a girl I fell for over a year ago and I just don't have any options with anyone else. I'm just trying to rationalize it because if I've learned anything over the course of my life, it's that "being myself" is pretty much poison to the opposite sex. Add to the fact that people keep saying there's nothing wrong with me, now I don't have any idea as to what to work on so that I can get better.

So I just need to be done with it. There has to be a way I can stop thinking like this and just be. Any ideas?

Well, throughout this week, I was pretty depressed about women not noticing me and I did do a thread about "repelling women" if you guys remember that one. However, towards the end, I became less depressed and back to confident (to a degree) again. My confidence fluctuates a lot. Times vary. I can be pessimistic one day and then be optimistic the next.

[HMARK Center]

Working to get a girl to like you/notice you means you're not likely "being yourself".

[theryno665]

Nah, I do be myself but girls don't notice me. Or they do notice it and go out of their way to ignore me.

Getting up in front of crowds doing stand-up comedy is a big step for me and I'm still getting used to it. But still, no girls are lining up after the shows to meet the guy that makes superhero dick jokes.

[Alex Shelley]

A lot of people judge their worth based on whether or not they can find somebody to date or whether or not they're in a relationship. Even if you're doing it subconsciously that sounds like what you're doing.

[Deleted]

Maybe they do notice you? I rarely ever notice women noticing me, but my wife sees it all of the time. Try and be more observant. Also I'm not going to say not be yourself, but maybe tone it down. I don't know you, so don't get offended by me saying that. I'm different around people compared to my wife, and she's noticed that from our first date until now.

[theryno665]

Nov 12, 2011 14:05:32 GMT -5 Alex Shelley said:

A lot of people judge their worth based on whether or not they can find somebody to date or whether or not they're in a relationship. Even if you're doing it subconsciously that sounds like what you're doing.

My worth is debatable. People say I need to think better of myself but the thing is I do. I think I'm pretty funny and cool to be around. But girls don't see that or don't want to. And it just sucks being lonely and unwanted all the time.

[riseofsetian1981]

My advice? Simply stop looking and just go about your life the best way you know how. I found that once I stopped looking and stopped giving a crap, they would notice me a lot more. Just play the field my friend.

I used to get depressed whenever I felt a girl didn't notice me. Now? I just don't care. If they notice me that's great, if they don't, that's fine too. Not the end of the world or anything.

[Vice honcho room temperature]

My last relationship and the other tries have killed my ego about that

[Alex Shelley]

Nov 12, 2011 14:57:09 GMT -5 theryno665 said:

Nov 12, 2011 14:05:32 GMT -5 Alex Shelley said:

A lot of people judge their worth based on whether or not they can find somebody to date or whether or not they're in a relationship. Even if you're doing it subconsciously that sounds like what you're doing.

My worth is debatable. People say I need to think better of myself but the thing is I do. I think I'm pretty funny and cool to be around. But girls don't see that or don't want to. And it just sucks being lonely and unwanted all the time.

If other people say you need to think better of yourself, then you probably do. Believe me, I know how possible it is to convince yourself that you're happy or something when everybody else around you can see that it's not true, and you don't realize it until you look back and go "damn, I really hated myself back then, didn't I?". And, even if you truly do think well of yourself, since other people tell you you don't, then you're obviously giving off those vibes, which is going to turn most potential partners off.

Nov 12, 2011 15:17:33 GMT -5 riseofsetian1981 said:

My advice? Simply stop looking and just go about your life the best way you know how.

This is very good advice. Don't "give up" on dating, just stop looking.

Another thing is that I think so many people feel like finding a partner is the ultimate goal in life, which isn't necessarily a healthy way of looking at relationships or going about life. For me, my ultimate goal in life is a whole lot of things, and if I end up finding somebody to spend the rest of my life with, that's cool, as long as they don't get in the way of my other dreams because those are more important. I am more important than a relationship, if that makes sense.

[theryno665]

Nov 12, 2011 15:17:33 GMT -5 riseofsetian1981 said:

My advice? Simply stop looking and just go about your life the best way you know how. I found that once I stopped looking and stopped giving a crap, they would notice me a lot more. Just play the field my friend.

I used to get depressed whenever I felt a girl didn't notice me. Now? I just don't care. If they notice me that's great, if they don't, that's fine too. Not the end of the world or anything.

That's what I've tried to do recently. But then I realized that even though I do comedy, that's only like 1-2 nights a week. And other than that, I don't do anything but sit in my apartment. Even my friends don't feel like doing anything but playing D&D, which is fine but it seems like that's the only thing we do together anymore and I'm kinda bored with it. And I think the perpetual loneliness is really starting to get to me.

[theryno665]

Nov 12, 2011 15:51:07 GMT -5 Alex Shelley said:

Nov 12, 2011 14:57:09 GMT -5 theryno665 said:

My worth is debatable. People say I need to think better of myself but the thing is I do. I think I'm pretty funny and cool to be around. But girls don't see that or don't want to. And it just sucks being lonely and unwanted all the time.

If other people say you need to think better of yourself, then you probably do. Believe me, I know how possible it is to convince yourself that you're happy or something when everybody else around you can see that it's not true, and you don't realize it until you look back and go "damn, I really hated myself back then, didn't I?". And, even if you truly do think well of yourself, since other people tell you you don't, then you're obviously giving off those vibes, which is going to turn most potential partners off.

Believe me, as depressed as I am now (which is the worst I've been in a while), it still doesn't compare to back in high school. I REALLY hated myself then. I have a better sense of who I am now than when I did then. However, another thing that might be worth mentioning, my 10 year high school reunion is in a few weeks. Not that I'm dreading on going but just about everyone I graduated with has either gotten married and/or has kids and/or has a career of some sort. Not that I want to get married and have kids, but it is strange that it's been 10 years since graduation and I still have problems getting a girlfriend. It feels like it's something I should have learned how to do by now.

[The Ichi]

Eh, could be worse, you could overhear a girl call you ugly when she doesn't know you're in the room.

FML

[Dat Dude]

You may already do this, but have you ever thought about incorporating aspects this subject in your stand-up routine? I'd think it would be a good way vent, and maybe express yourself artistically. You could point out all the various double standards and difficulties of courting women. Rant about all times you were done wrong under the guise of humor. Use this as inspiration.

[Starshine]

I recommend anyone with women trouble to read The Mystery Method. Okay yes, it's a book designed to help you sleep with women. But it's also a really good book to help anyone work on their self confidence and how to approach people which IMO is invaluable.

[alabastergrim]

Nov 12, 2011 15:57:37 GMT -5 theryno665 said:

Nov 12, 2011 15:51:07 GMT -5 Alex Shelley said:

If other people say you need to think better of yourself, then you probably do. Believe me, I know how possible it is to convince yourself that you're happy or something when everybody else around you can see that it's not true, and you don't realize it until you look back and go "damn, I really hated myself back then, didn't I?". And, even if you truly do think well of yourself, since other people tell you you don't, then you're obviously giving off those vibes, which is going to turn most potential partners off.

Believe me, as depressed as I am now (which is the worst I've been in a while), it still doesn't compare to back in high school. I REALLY hated myself then. I have a better sense of who I am now than when I did then. However, another thing that might be worth mentioning, my 10 year high school reunion is in a few weeks. Not that I'm dreading on going but just about everyone I graduated with has either gotten married and/or has kids and/or has a career of some sort. Not that I want to get married and have kids, but it is strange that it's been 10 years since graduation and I still have problems getting a girlfriend. It feels like it's something I should have learned how to do by now.

Jeez man, I feel your pain. Replace "stand-up" with sketch comedy on a podcast and I swear that I could've written all the posts you did in this thread. Don't give up the good fight, best of luck to ya, and where can I see this "superhero penis" routine of yours?

[Alex Shelley]

Nov 12, 2011 22:22:37 GMT -5 Starshine said:

I recommend anyone with women trouble to read The Mystery Method. Okay yes, it's a book designed to help you sleep with women. But it's also a really good book to help anyone work on their self confidence and how to approach people which IMO is invaluable.

I recommend NOT reading that book. It's awful shite. I skimmed through it at a bookstore and found almost everything in there complete bullshit at best, and misogynistic as hell at worst.

[Starshine]

Nov 13, 2011 3:14:44 GMT -5 Alex Shelley said:

Nov 12, 2011 22:22:37 GMT -5 Starshine said:

I recommend anyone with women trouble to read The Mystery Method. Okay yes, it's a book designed to help you sleep with women. But it's also a really good book to help anyone work on their self confidence and how to approach people which IMO is invaluable.

I recommend NOT reading that book. It's awful s***e. I skimmed through it at a bookstore and found almost everything in there complete bulls*** at best, and misogynistic as hell at worst.

You may not like it. But here's the thing, it actually works.

Plus it really can help someone boost their confidence, regardless of what you choose to take out of it.

[Mozenrath]

Nov 13, 2011 5:30:13 GMT -5 Starshine said:

Nov 13, 2011 3:14:44 GMT -5 Alex Shelley said:

I recommend NOT reading that book. It's awful s***e. I skimmed through it at a bookstore and found almost everything in there complete bulls*** at best, and misogynistic as hell at worst.

You may not like it. But here's the thing, it actually works.

Plus it really can help someone boost their confidence, regardless of what you choose to take out of it.

It could produce short term results, but ultimately it might not be great for someone's esteem to see themselves as a user of people. Not having read the book, I can't say for sure that'd be the case, but it'd be a concern.

[Starshine]

Nov 13, 2011 5:36:42 GMT -5 Mozenrath said:

Nov 13, 2011 5:30:13 GMT -5 Starshine said:

You may not like it. But here's the thing, it actually works.

Plus it really can help someone boost their confidence, regardless of what you choose to take out of it.

It could produce short term results, but ultimately it might not be great for someone's esteem to see themselves as a user of people. Not having read the book, I can't say for sure that'd be the case, but it'd be a concern.

Seriously? User of people?

Some of us are very judgmental tonight. I'd suggest you actually read it before you start labeling people as such.