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Post by The Peoples Elbow on May 15, 2012 18:25:20 GMT -5
Alright guys, it's time for our 3rd annual create the worst Raw thread. Bring your very worst ideas and let the havoc ensue. Create a Raw so vile and devoid of logic that it rips the very fabric of the universe into pieces!
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Post by AnActualBear on May 15, 2012 18:30:40 GMT -5
Just redo last night's but replace the first tag match with a Great Khali vs Giant Gonzales ladder match.
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Lila
El Dandy
Slip N Slide World Champion 1997
Posts: 8,905
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Post by Lila on May 15, 2012 18:35:26 GMT -5
Hello and Welcome to Monday Night Raw live from Madison Square Garden! I'm Michael Cole here along side with WWE Hall Of Famer.....
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MrBRulzOK
Wade Wilson
Mr No-Pants Heathen
Something Witty Here.
Posts: 26,719
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Post by MrBRulzOK on May 15, 2012 18:37:30 GMT -5
"Drew Carey!"
"Thanks, Michael. Welcome to the WWE where there are no rules and the match results don't matter."
We cut to the ring where Yoshi Tatsu, Lord Tensai, Great Khali, and Jinder Mahal are about to partake in the first ever Whose Line Is It Anyway Number One Contendership match for the Diva's championship. However before the match can begin...
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Post by CATCH_US IS the Conversation on May 15, 2012 18:47:52 GMT -5
The camera comes backstage, and we see Alex Riley & CM Punk step out of a room together. A-Ry zips up his pants. Punk wipes off his mouth and says "Don't forget my 50 bucks" before walking away...
Yoshi, Tensai, Khali, and Jinder are left dumbfounded by what they just saw on the Titantron before Kane comes out and hits the new and improved chokeslam on all of them...
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543Y2J
Patti Mayonnaise
Seventh level .gif Master
Posts: 38,794
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Post by 543Y2J on May 15, 2012 18:54:40 GMT -5
Show opening segment: The Great Khali enters the ring for a promo describing how for many years he has had a voodoo doll of John Cena which he uses to make Cena's promos stupid and immature, with out of date refrences. His motivation for doing this is because he feels he is the greatest at everything he does and the IWC doesnt appreciate him for who he is. Chris Jericho enters through the crowd admiting that nobody hates the IWC as much as him but he shall join Khali to get rid of it for good. Tensai enters he does not say a word all he does is his weird kung fu moves, then leaves. Johnny Ace gets on screen as says that he loves the IWC and that he visits FAN on the lonely nights that he has curled up in his single bed, he says tonight Khali and Jericho are going to be in a tag match *camera pans out to Teddy Long crying* Match 1: Kevin Nash vs A tub of lard (everyone who gets the refrence wins 1 internet ) The tub of lard wins via shenanigans Segment 2: John Cena enters bouncing and joyful down the ramp as normal, he then gets on the mic and says that since his divorce he appreciates a blue sky, the warm summer breeze and a pint of beer like he never could before he was married. But he cannot compete tonight due to a doctors note saying that because Cena has acted like a child for so many years was because Drew Mcintyre sent him to a strip club when he was little, unknowingly having a lapdance from his future wife who abused him and he blocked it out of his memory until he realised and got a divorce. Mcintyre enters and says that Cena does not appreciate his friendship and he says he will never be Cena's wingman again. Cena irate tells him that he is going to see him on Sunday, even though there is no ppv then. Drew agrees and says he has a very important piece of information he is going to share with everyone at the end of the night. Match 2: The Miz vs Big Show Big Show wins by drowning Miz in a pool of his tears Final segment (a short Raw): Khali, Jericho, Tensai and Cena are all in the ring waiting for Drew to come out and make the statement he said he was going to make earlier. While waiting, Tensai takes out of his trunks the John Cena vodoo doll that has been controling him for all these years and begins to manipulate Cena. Khali and Jericho realise the love for eachother and say they will have a live sex celebration next week on Raw. Mcintyre apears and states that infact he was John Cena's wife all along and has been leading a double life. Cena now dramatically staring at the voodoo doll that he managed to take off Tensai looked a lot like Darren Young begins to wonder how and why Mcintyre was able to do this and why he held a grudge against him as he didnt remember getting a divorce. Cena drops the doll and looks dramatically at Tensai realising that it was him all along that manipulated him to get a divorce from Drew Mcintyre's alter ego
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on May 15, 2012 18:59:57 GMT -5
Make it a Rock birthday special.
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Post by Ecks Ecks Ringout Ecks Ecks on May 15, 2012 19:03:14 GMT -5
The camera comes backstage, and we see Alex Riley & CM Punk step out of a room together. A-Ry zips up his pants. Punk wipes off his mouth and says "Don't forget my 50 bucks" before walking away... Yoshi, Tensai, Khali, and Jinder are left dumbfounded by what they just saw on the Titantron before Kane comes out and hits the new and improved chokeslam on all of them... ... including three chokeslams on Yoshi in exactly the same place, as he's trying to do one of those dramatic "slam through the ring" spots, but it doesn't seem to be working. Unbeknownst to him, he's chosen the wrong corner. Frustrated, Kane puts his hands on his hips and tromps over to the other side of the ring, where he promptly steps onto the gimmicked canvas and plummets through to the floor. After a suitably awkward pause, the camera cuts to ...
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Post by The Peoples Elbow on May 15, 2012 19:21:41 GMT -5
The camera comes backstage, and we see Alex Riley & CM Punk step out of a room together. A-Ry zips up his pants. Punk wipes off his mouth and says "Don't forget my 50 bucks" before walking away... Yoshi, Tensai, Khali, and Jinder are left dumbfounded by what they just saw on the Titantron before Kane comes out and hits the new and improved chokeslam on all of them... ... including three chokeslams on Yoshi in exactly the same place, as he's trying to do one of those dramatic "slam through the ring" spots, but it doesn't seem to be working. Unbeknownst to him, he's chosen the wrong corner. Frustrated, Kane puts his hands on his hips and tromps over to the other side of the ring, where he promptly steps onto the gimmicked canvas and plummets through to the floor. After a suitably awkward pause, the camera cuts to ... Oh wow, man. Tears are streaming down my face. Congrats!
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Post by DSR on May 15, 2012 22:35:40 GMT -5
The camera comes backstage, and we see Alex Riley & CM Punk step out of a room together. A-Ry zips up his pants. Punk wipes off his mouth and says "Don't forget my 50 bucks" before walking away... Yoshi, Tensai, Khali, and Jinder are left dumbfounded by what they just saw on the Titantron before Kane comes out and hits the new and improved chokeslam on all of them... ... including three chokeslams on Yoshi in exactly the same place, as he's trying to do one of those dramatic "slam through the ring" spots, but it doesn't seem to be working. Unbeknownst to him, he's chosen the wrong corner. Frustrated, Kane puts his hands on his hips and tromps over to the other side of the ring, where he promptly steps onto the gimmicked canvas and plummets through to the floor. After a suitably awkward pause, the camera cuts to ... Jim Ross, who throws Jerry Lawler onto the Spanish announce table, then rips the King's shirt off! Ross slathers Lawler's nipples with BBQ sauce, before seductively exclaiming "you're about to be broken in half!" Just then...
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Post by Can you afford to pay me, Gah on May 15, 2012 22:42:34 GMT -5
Out come Tank Abbott with big square in hand. Who forces JR too sign his "My Ass" rap from youtube. While he dances on the square.
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Post by joebob27 on May 15, 2012 22:46:20 GMT -5
Then Tank Abbott has had enough and pulls out his knife and puts it to JR's throat. He forces JR over to the table and piles him on top of the prone Jerry Lawler and begins to unzip his pants. The crowd is completely silent in anticipation when bad 70's dance music plays.... and Richard Simmons and a troupe of male dancers head to the ring!
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Post by That Mickie Fan on May 15, 2012 22:50:09 GMT -5
Val Venis calls out all the divas and suggests they take turns playing with His "Tool"
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Post by An Old Villain on May 15, 2012 23:52:13 GMT -5
Back from break we see Mark Madden has assumed announce duties in a solo booth. Madden recaps tonights action.
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Post by joebob27 on May 16, 2012 0:01:03 GMT -5
Finally it's time for a wrestling segment, not something resembling softcore gay porn. Headed to the ring, are the Great Khali, Jinder Mahal, and new WWE signee Sonjay Dutt. And they're wearing tracksuits in a Canadian Flag design!
Great Khali steps to the front and takes the mic, and puts over Canada as only he can.
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Post by mystikz on May 16, 2012 1:15:41 GMT -5
Jack Swagger vs Alex Riley in a finisher only match
Kane vs Big Show in a chokeslam challenge
Comedy Hour with John Cena. Cena tries to be funny for a whole hour.
Best 2 out of 3 Lord Tensai vs Brodus Clay Dance Off Political Debate Rap Battle
Special In the Gym Beat the Clock Challenge Drew McIntyre vs Himself (special guest referee: Kelly Kelly)
Obstacle Course Challenge The Great Khali vs Titus O'Neil
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Essential1
Hank Scorpio
Sigs/Avatars cannot exceed 1MB
Posts: 6,080
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Post by Essential1 on May 16, 2012 1:47:09 GMT -5
Show Opens:
Laurinbotchitus is in the ring with Eve and says farewell to WWE after losing to John Cena. Brodus Clay walks out to cheer him up. Eve Torres turns face by dancing with Brodus Clay.
Match 1: Miz vs Kofi Kingston vs Dolph Ziggler vs Swagger vs R-Truth
No Contest due to interference from Lord Tensai, who sprays green mist in everyones eyes and decides to take a chair and sit and eat Sushi while his music plays. Sakamoto then places a large piece of wood in front of Tensai who then proceeds to chop through it. Sheamus musics hits and Tensai falls of his chair.
Match 2: Sheamus vs Lord Tensai
Tensai wins after Sheamus gets counted out signing autographs for the young fans
Segment:
Santino is backstage training for tonights match, a mystery opponent is to face him.
Segment: Natalya backstage, turns face on Drew Mcintyre by kicking him in the nuts, then turns heel by slapping Alex Riley.
Match 3: Great Khali vs Jinder Mahal in a Punjabi Prison Match.
No Contet as Kane enters and his pyro sets fire to the Prison.
Kane cuts a promo talking about Subway Sandwices.
Match 4: Santino Marella vs Eugene
Winner: Eugene and new United States Champion
Segment John Cena is in the ring, then decides to trash talk Brock Lesnar, then Triple H walks out, pedigrees Cena for no reason. Then Brock Lesnar enters the ring and breaks both their arms. Paul Heyman walks out offers an open challenge.
Match 5: Brock Lesnar vs Daniel Bryan
Brock Lesnar defeats Bryan via Kemora, Bob Backlund comes out of the crowd and trys to give Lesnar a crossface chickenwing but then falls backwards and out of the ring. Lesnar celebrates while Paul Heyman is attacked by Bob Backlund.
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Post by joebob27 on May 16, 2012 1:52:26 GMT -5
That sounds like a halfway decent show by today's standards. The Match 3 segment is awesome.
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Ryanar
Samurai Cop
Posts: 2,429
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Post by Ryanar on May 16, 2012 2:59:28 GMT -5
Show Opens: Laurinbotchitus is in the ring with Eve and says farewell to WWE after losing to John Cena. Brodus Clay walks out to cheer him up. Eve Torres turns face by dancing with Brodus Clay. Match 1: Miz vs Kofi Kingston vs Dolph Ziggler vs Swagger vs R-Truth No Contest due to interference from Lord Tensai, who sprays green mist in everyones eyes and decides to take a chair and sit and eat Sushi while his music plays. Sakamoto then places a large piece of wood in front of Tensai who then proceeds to chop through it. Sheamus musics hits and Tensai falls of his chair. Match 2: Sheamus vs Lord Tensai Tensai wins after Sheamus gets counted out signing autographs for the young fans Segment: Santino is backstage training for tonights match, a mystery opponent is to face him. Segment: Natalya backstage, turns face on Drew Mcintyre by kicking him in the nuts, then turns heel by slapping Alex Riley. Match 3: Great Khali vs Jinder Mahal in a Punjabi Prison Match. No Contet as Kane enters and his pyro sets fire to the Prison. Kane cuts a promo talking about Subway Sandwices. Match 4: Santino Marella vs Eugene Winner: Eugene and new United States Champion Segment John Cena is in the ring, then decides to trash talk Brock Lesnar, then Triple H walks out, pedigrees Cena for no reason. Then Brock Lesnar enters the ring and breaks both their arms. Paul Heyman walks out offers an open challenge. Match 5: Brock Lesnar vs Daniel Bryan Brock Lesnar defeats Bryan via Kemora, Bob Backlund comes out of the crowd and trys to give Lesnar a crossface chickenwing but then falls backwards and out of the ring. Lesnar celebrates while Paul Heyman is attacked by Bob Backlund. I was crying at the thought of Tensai eating Sushi in a steel chair while his music plays. Sakamoto then showers his bowl in salt because it needs flavor.
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Gus Richlen Was Wrong
Patti Mayonnaise
Metal Maestro: Co-winner of the FAN Idol Throwdown!
Fun while it lasted
Posts: 38,466
Member is Online
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Post by Gus Richlen Was Wrong on May 16, 2012 8:31:25 GMT -5
Finally it's time for a wrestling segment, not something resembling softcore gay porn. Headed to the ring, are the Great Khali, Jinder Mahal, and new WWE signee Sonjay Dutt. And they're wearing tracksuits in a Canadian Flag design! Great Khali steps to the front and takes the mic, and puts over Canada as only he can. He tries eating a jar of pickled maple leaves, but he doesn't get the jar open before Triple H runs down and Pedigrees everyone. Vince McMahon's head explodes.
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