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Post by DASH 243✅ on Dec 2, 2016 21:48:26 GMT -5
What's the difference between a pregnant lady and a lightbulb? You can unscrew a lightbulb
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Post by bibboid on Dec 9, 2016 18:50:42 GMT -5
What did the thesaurus have for breakfast?
Synonym rolls.
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Dec 9, 2016 20:06:45 GMT -5
How did Ol' Dirty Bastard like his sausage in the morning? He liked it raaaaw.
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Mozenrath
FANatic
Foppery and Whim
Speedy Speed Boy
Posts: 121,061
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Post by Mozenrath on Dec 9, 2016 20:13:09 GMT -5
When is Lucy Hale not Lucy Hale?
When she wears a jewel-encrusted mask. Then she is Lucy in disguise, with diamonds.
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Post by taker1990 on Dec 9, 2016 20:44:05 GMT -5
Why did the Scarecrow win the nobel prize?
He was outstanding in his field.
What do insects study in school ?
Mothamatics.
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Post by DASH 243✅ on Dec 9, 2016 21:16:33 GMT -5
What's red and bad for your teeth?
A brick
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Dec 9, 2016 21:45:12 GMT -5
How do you shoot a blue elephant? With a blue elephant gun.
How do you shoot a green elephant? Hold its trunk until it turns blue, then shoot it with a blue elephant gun.
How do you shoot a pink elephant? Paint it green, hold it's trunk until it turns blue, then shoot it with a blue elephant gun.
How do you shoot a yellow elephant? Tickle it pink, paint it green, hold it's trunk until it turns blue, then shoot it with a blue elephant gun.
How do you shoot a purple elephant? There's no such thing as a purple elephant.
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Post by DASH 243✅ on Dec 14, 2016 21:22:46 GMT -5
Two scientists walk into a bar. Bartender: what'll you have? First scientist: I'll have an h2o. Second scientist: I'll have an h2o too The second scientist died
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Post by taker1990 on Dec 16, 2016 14:25:33 GMT -5
What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
He wiped.
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The Unconquered Sun
King Koopa
He has no pants! What a heathen!
Lord of Storms and Kittens!
Posts: 11,548
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Post by The Unconquered Sun on Dec 16, 2016 17:47:06 GMT -5
I use to have a ant farm but I had to get rid of it. I couldn't find tractors small enough for them.
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Post by DASH 243✅ on Dec 16, 2016 19:42:30 GMT -5
What's a ninjas favorite drink? Kara-tea
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Feb 3, 2017 15:46:40 GMT -5
How do you tell the sex of a chromosome? You unzip its genes.
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The Unconquered Sun
King Koopa
He has no pants! What a heathen!
Lord of Storms and Kittens!
Posts: 11,548
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Post by The Unconquered Sun on Feb 3, 2017 17:05:25 GMT -5
Gertrude had an over protective mother, one of those girls that was sheltered from the beginning. Despite her mother's constant overbearing control, Gertrude met a young man named Stan, and after a short courtship they decided to marry. On the night of the wedding Gertrude's mother went up to her new son in law with a request. "Look, you know how naive she is. Let me stay with you 2 tonight, in case she needs me to walk her through the process." Stan agreed, and after the reception the 3 went off to Stan's home. The time came for Stan and Gertrude's first night together and they went up stairs. Stan took off his shirt and Gertrude ran out of the room screaming "Mom!!! Mom! He's got nipples! Nipples!" "Honey, that's normal, men have nipples too, it's ok. Go back, have fun on your wedding night already." So Gertrude went back to the room, Stan checked if she wanted to continue and she said yes. So Stan took off his pants. Gertrude went running out the room and down the stairs. "Mom!!! Mom! He's got hair all over his legs! Oh my God, hair!!!" "Honey," her mother said, "that's normal too. Men have hairy leg, it's normal. Now go and make me some grand children already." So Gertrude went back upstairs and in to the room. Stan checked if she wanted to continue and she said yes. So Stan took off his socks, and to Gertrude's surprise Stan was missing part of his left foot. "MOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!" Gertrude came screaming down the stairs. "He's got a foot and a half!!!" "Ok, Gertrude, you stay here, this I want to see for myself."
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Feb 3, 2017 17:29:15 GMT -5
How many union workers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Just one, but he can't get to it until after his break.
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Brood Lone Wolf Funker
Ozymandius
Got fined anyway. Possibly a Moose
James Franco is the white Donald Glover
Posts: 61,903
Member is Online
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Post by Brood Lone Wolf Funker on Feb 3, 2017 18:07:38 GMT -5
Guy walks into a bar with a piece of asphalt and tells the bartender I'll take one for me and one for the road
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Post by DASH 243✅ on Feb 3, 2017 18:53:47 GMT -5
how many psychologists does it take to change a lightbulb? just one but it has to want to change.
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Feb 3, 2017 19:10:31 GMT -5
How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb? It's an obscure number. You've probably never heard of it.
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Feb 3, 2017 19:42:11 GMT -5
How many four star Generals does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Just one. He holds it still and the world revolves around him.
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Post by Porky's Butthole on Feb 3, 2017 20:46:57 GMT -5
I have an irrational fear of speed bumps. I'm slowly getting over it.
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Feb 10, 2017 9:09:18 GMT -5
Did you hear about the TV antennas that got married? The ceremony was okay, but the reception was excellent.
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