Jerry The King Lawler's Funny Jokes

[Squirrel Master]

This thread is for Jerry. Most of the time The King's comedy is lame but every now and then he makes a hilarious observation. I'll start it off:

Wrestlemania 23: as we see Vince McMahon getting his head shaved and his cuttings on the mat:
Jim Ross said "King, what do you think that hair is worth?"
Lawler: "I'll tell you what, if Vince McMahon wants to run his hands thru his hair tonight, he's gonna have to cut a hole in his pants!"

[Push R Truth]

I'm a huge sucker for all the variations of his Red Headed Girlfriend joke.

"I dated a redhead once, no hair just a red head"


Such a lame dad joke but I still laugh every time

[Clash, Never a Meter Maid]

During the segment when Steve Austin drove a Zamboni to the ring, Lawler screams at the police officers, "Get your guns out!"

[Jiren]

"You'll never hear the words "Jake 'the snake" Roberts got a DUI". He would never drive drunk. He'd be too afraid of hitting a bump and spilling his drink!"

"The other day I told Stu Hart to start acting his age, so he died."

"Max Mini could commit suicide by jumping off a curb."

[2coldMack is even more baffled]

His absolute dissection of Jake Roberts in 1996 is so wrong, but so so funny. "Poor Jake the Snake's got barthritis. He's stiff in a different joint every night!"

[MrElijah]

Jun 21, 2018 8:27:59 GMT -5 Squirrel Master said:

This thread is for Jerry. Most of the time The King's comedy is lame but every now and then he makes a hilarious observation. I'll start it off:

Wrestlemania 23: as we see Vince McMahon getting his head shaved and his cuttings on the mat:
Jim Ross said "King, what do you think that hair is worth?"
Lawler: "I'll tell you what, if Vince McMahon wants to run his hands thru his hair tonight, he's gonna have to cut a hole in his pants!"

Lawler shitted on Vince so much on commentary.

[Jiren]

Another good Roberts riff

"The only reason Jake married his wife is because she has a kiss that tastes sweeter than wine"

[dav]

Wasn't there a promo where Lawler was utterly destroying Jake Roberts and Mark Henry was laughing throughout it, despite supposedly being Roberts' ally?

["Gizzark" Mike Wronglevenay]

Jun 21, 2018 11:43:19 GMT -5 dav said:

Wasn't there a promo where Lawler was utterly destroying Jake Roberts and Mark Henry was laughing throughout it, despite supposedly being Roberts' ally?

Yeah, he laughed at all Lawler's jokes about Roberts. I think they pulled him off air for six months or something after that.

[2coldMack is even more baffled]

Jun 21, 2018 11:43:19 GMT -5 dav said:

Wasn't there a promo where Lawler was utterly destroying Jake Roberts and Mark Henry was laughing throughout it, despite supposedly being Roberts' ally?

Summerslam 1996, yeah. You can hear Henry cracking up as Lawler promos his way to the ring.

[mrbananagrabber]

Tell you what, Lawler as the mouthpiece for some new team or monster heel would still be money.

[2coldMack is even more baffled]

Jun 21, 2018 12:35:38 GMT -5 mrbananagrabber said:

Tell you what, Lawler as the mouthpiece for some new team or monster heel would still be money.

They would have to be Memphis as f***, though, and totally self-aware about it.

[Fundertaker]

*insert LittleKuriboh's gaping mouth face while going to an amusement park or wrestling show clip here*

[mrbananagrabber]

Jun 21, 2018 12:37:13 GMT -5 2coldMack is even more baffled said:

Jun 21, 2018 12:35:38 GMT -5 mrbananagrabber said:

Tell you what, Lawler as the mouthpiece for some new team or monster heel would still be money.

They would have to be Memphis as f***, though, and totally self-aware about it.

I'd be fine with that. Hell, a heel stable called the King's Subjects or something trying to rule the WWE, with Lawler at his heel best, still able to take the odd bump.. I'd prefer that to the boring sludge we have to sift through now.

[Bub (BLM)]

There was one show, and I'll never forget this. The camera shows a really homely kid dressed in Shawn Michaels merch, and Lawler says "So that's why animals eat their young". So wrong, but I laughed for like a minute straight.

[cjh]

Jun 21, 2018 13:15:54 GMT -5 Bub (BLM) said:

There was one show, and I'll never forget this. The camera shows a really homely kid dressed in Shawn Michaels merch, and Lawler says "So that's why animals eat their young". So wrong, but I laughed for like a minute straight.

On the subject of Lawler lines that were so wrong, here's one from WrestleMania 13 during Rocky Maivia vs. The Sultan.

"At the Slammy Awards the other night, Rocky got up there and thanked his dad with that long, boring speech.  It was so boring, even Christopher Reeve got up and walked out."

[government mule]

Jun 21, 2018 9:00:58 GMT -5 Jiren said:

"You'll never hear the words "Jake 'the snake" Roberts got a DUI". He would never drive drunk. He'd be too afraid of hitting a bump and spilling his drink!"

"The other day I told Stu Hart to start acting his age, so he died."

"Max Mini could commit suicide by jumping off a curb."

The Stu Hart one is genius. Made me chuckle.

[Surfer Sandman]

Jun 21, 2018 9:49:33 GMT -5 MrElijah said:

Jun 21, 2018 8:27:59 GMT -5 Squirrel Master said:

This thread is for Jerry. Most of the time The King's comedy is lame but every now and then he makes a hilarious observation. I'll start it off:

Wrestlemania 23: as we see Vince McMahon getting his head shaved and his cuttings on the mat:
Jim Ross said "King, what do you think that hair is worth?"
Lawler: "I'll tell you what, if Vince McMahon wants to run his hands thru his hair tonight, he's gonna have to cut a hole in his pants!"

Lawler shitted on Vince so much on commentary.

I think Vince liked it..except when he didn't. 

[Jobes]

Lawler losing his mind over Taka's elimination in the 2000 Rumble.

["Evil Brood" Jackson Vanik]

"Koko B. Ware is a crossword wrestler: he enters the ring vertically, and leaves horizontally."