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Post by Leaving after 1,600 on Jan 4, 2008 21:42:36 GMT -5
Here is John he is not a celebrity so to help him out we hired the Iron Shiek.
John- I had the cheap insurance because i was a safe driver.
Shiek- I was a cheap jew bastard no good mothersmurfer.
John- Then i was hit by a bad driver.
Shiek- That no good mothersmurfer worse then a Michael Jordan ehh ehh eh a Michael Jackson he hit Shieky baby.
John- Turns out my insurance didn't cover it.
Sheik- Those no good son of bitches they didnt give me my money and i told them dont be a cheap jew bastrard.
John- So i switched to geiko and they covered everything.
Sheik- After i broke there backs f***ed them in the ass and made them humble i left them and had Mr. Kennedy Mitchman help me out by sending me to some no good mother f***ing lizard.
Horrible i know, but why not.
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Sajoa Moe
Patti Mayonnaise
Did you get that thing I sent ya?
A man without gimmick.
Posts: 39,683
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Post by Sajoa Moe on Jan 4, 2008 21:58:17 GMT -5
Jim Fullman is a real Geico customer, not a celebrity. So to help make his story more interesting, we hired a roided-up guy wearing chain mail and sunglasses.
Jim Fullman: My wife was in an accident...
Scott Steiner: THE ONLY ACCIDENT SHE MADE WAS NOT HOOKIN' UP WITH THE BIG BAAAAAD BOOTY DADDY!!
Jim Fullman: The car was banged up pretty bad...
Scott Steiner: DAT AIN'T THE ONLY THAAANG THAT GOT BANGED UP! 'CAUSE I MADE 'ER HOWL AT DA MOON WHEN I WENT BEHIND AND DID THE BUMP'N'GRIND!!
Jim Fullman: Fortunately, it was covered by Geico and everything was okay.
Scott Steiner: BUT DA NEXT TIIIIME, YOU FIND YUSELF IN AN ACCIDENT, IT AIN'T GONNA BE OF THE CAROMOTIVE VARIETY! ISS GONNA BE YER ASS INNA STEINER RECLINER!
Jim Fullman: We got a new car for even less than we paid for the original.
Scott Steiner: BIG POPPA PUMP AIN'T GOTTA PAAAAY FER NUTTIN! CUZ DA LADIES PAY ME FER DA SATISFACTION, WHEN WE GET DOWN TO DA DIRTY ACTION! HOLLER! IF YA HEAR ME!
GEICO: Fifteen minutes could save you 15% or more on car insurance.
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Post by Z-A Sandbaggin' Son of a b!%@h on Jan 4, 2008 22:10:08 GMT -5
I fully endorse these parody commercials.
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Post by Hypnotix on Jan 4, 2008 22:18:35 GMT -5
Paul Sodano is a real Geico customer from Brooklyn, New York, not a celebrity. So to help tell his tale, we hired a real celebrity, TNA Superstar Tyson Tomko.
Paul: So I'm drivin' my Lincoln down 38, right? And this mooly in a Prius pulls out and clips my front bumper. I get outta my car and tell this mutha f***a right to his face, "Hey ya little green hippy ass f**, you hit my f***ing car! I suggest you get your little sissy ass out here before I blow ya' f***in' brains out!" Does the little s*** get out of his car?
Tomko: No.
Paul: That's right he didn't. So I walk up to his car and pull out my .38 and fill his f***ing tires with lead. Yeah, You think that little b***ch is going anywhere now?
Tomko: No.
Paul: Heh, heh. That's right he ain't. I pull this little b***ch out of his car and feed him a few knuckle sandwiches before he falls down unconscious in the f***ing street. So he ain't going nowhere, right?
Tomko: No.
Paul: So I'm like, EH? Better see if this little b***ch has any insurance, because I'm about to take this little sh** for all he's got! So I pull out his wallet and rifle though. Did I find an insurance card?
Tomko: No.
Paul: NO! This little pissant goes and hits my car, but ain't got no insurance to pay for his sorry ass driving. Am I gonna let this little b***ch get away wit' this?
Tomko: No.
Paul: That's right. I throw this little b***ch in da back of his trunk and give a quick call to Joey Salzano from uptown. So Joey shows up and tows this litte panzy back to 'da garage. Thirty minutes later, that panzy little b***ch is tied up to a chair watching Joey turn his Prius into a pile of scrap. Looks like 'dat little panzy is gonna be takin' the subway from now on.
Tomko: No.
Paul: No what?
Tomko: No.
Paul: No what? 'Dat doesn't make any f***ing sense. You just say "no?" Is that all you do?
Tomko: No.
Paul: Is this some f***in' joke to you?
Tomko: No.
Paul: You want summa this, jack?
Tomko: No.
Paul: Yeah 'dats what I thought.
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Boku AKA Da Green Guy
El Dandy
WC's Resident Pirate Otaku and Official Scapegoat
Always and Forever, Hurricane.
Posts: 8,371
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Post by Boku AKA Da Green Guy on Jan 4, 2008 22:25:02 GMT -5
I wanna see a Delirious one.
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bagsley
Samurai Cop
Demolition Bear is da king of Ruthless.
Posts: 2,139
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Post by bagsley on Jan 4, 2008 22:41:26 GMT -5
Jim Fullman is a real Geico customer, not a celebrity. So to help make his story more interesting, we hired a roided-up guy wearing chain mail and sunglasses. Jim Fullman: My wife was in an accident... Scott Steiner: THE ONLY ACCIDENT SHE MADE WAS NOT HOOKIN' UP WITH THE BIG BAAAAAD BOOTY DADDY!! Jim Fullman: The car was banged up pretty bad... Scott Steiner: DAT AIN'T THE ONLY THAAANG THAT GOT BANGED UP! 'CAUSE I MADE 'ER HOWL AT DA MOON WHEN I WENT BEHIND AND DID THE BUMP'N'GRIND!! Jim Fullman: Fortunately, it was covered by Geico and everything was okay. Scott Steiner: BUT DA NEXT TIIIIME, YOU FIND YUSELF IN AN ACCIDENT, IT AIN'T GONNA BE OF THE CAROMOTIVE VARIETY! ISS GONNA BE YER ASS INNA STEINER RECLINER! Jim Fullman: We got a new car for even less than we paid for the original. Scott Steiner: BIG POPPA PUMP AIN'T GOTTA PAAAAY FER NUTTIN! CUZ DA LADIES PAY ME FER DA SATISFACTION, WHEN WE GET DOWN TO DA DIRTY ACTION! HOLLER! IF YA HEAR ME! GEICO: Fifteen minutes could save you 15% or more on car insurance. This is one of the funniest things I've ever read. Thank you.
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Post by Leaving after 1,600 on Jan 5, 2008 1:23:11 GMT -5
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Slim Loves Lily
El Dandy
I'm gonna want the milksteak boiled over hard.
Posts: 8,983
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Post by Slim Loves Lily on Jan 5, 2008 2:14:26 GMT -5
Someone make Batista and Lashley ones...
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Post by "Nature Boy" Ric Moranis on Jan 5, 2008 9:19:06 GMT -5
In all honesty, it boggles the mind as to why Randy Savage hasn't been in one already. Maybe they asked and Savage didn't want to do it, but that's a missed opportunity. He's pitch perfect.
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Post by x on Jan 5, 2008 9:23:12 GMT -5
Announcer: This is Mike. Mike is not an actor, so to tell his story we hired a professional wrestler.
Mike: So I was driving one day and I got hit by some Irish guy. He was drunk and tried fighting me.
Lashley: You say your name is Finlay and you love to fight!
Mike: So I then started yelling at him for hitting my car.
Lashley: Well I say your name is Finlay and your a bathturd!
Mike: I threatened to scalp him with my switchblade
Lashley: You'll be one bald headed son of a bitch!
Mike: Then he got out a shilleghlee and I told him to put it down.
Lashley: NO!
Mike: Luckly I had Geico auto insurance and saved a ton of money.
Announcer: Geico. One call could save you 15% or more on car insurance.
Ron Simmons: DAMN!
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Sajoa Moe
Patti Mayonnaise
Did you get that thing I sent ya?
A man without gimmick.
Posts: 39,683
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Post by Sajoa Moe on Jan 5, 2008 12:54:09 GMT -5
Rachel McFadden is a real Geico customer, not a celebrity. So to help tell her story, we hired a former professional wrestling champion.
Rachel McFadden: The car came out of nowhere. I tried to hit the brakes.
Ron Simmons: SLAM!
Rachel McFadden: But I ended up colliding head-on with it.
Ron Simmons: WHAM!
Rachel McFadden: At first I was upset...
Ron Simmons: DAMN!
Rachel McFadden: ...because the insurance company I had at the time was unreliable and didn't get me my money on time.
Ron Simmons: SCAM!
Rachel McFadden: So I switched to Geico, and they helped me with my problem. The insurance agent was very nice.
Ron Simmons: PAM!
Rachel McFadden: So I sorted everything out with the guy I hit, and he was so grateful, he actually invited me to dinner.
Ron Simmons: LAMB!
GEICO: Fifteen minutes could save you 15% or more on car insurance.
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Agent P
Bill S. Preston, Esq.
Wooo
Posts: 18,180
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Post by Agent P on Jan 5, 2008 13:06:33 GMT -5
Voice Over Guy: Emerson Witner is a real Geico customer, not a paid celebrity. So to help tell his story, we hired the WWE announce team.
EW: I was driving down the street with my dogs in my back seat.
JL: PUPPIES!
EW: After stopping at a red light I was rear ended by a bastard driver
JBL: He's not a bastard! I'm sure his parent's weren't named Mr. and Mrs. Bastard!
EW: When I hit the dashboard, I almost injested my holy roasary
JS: OH MY GOD!
EW: At first the other driver didn't want to share his insurance information.
MC: Not like this!
EW: After I got his info I called Geico.
Tazz: The most dominant force in the history of insurance.
EW: They were able to get me a new car and pay for the damage on the old one.
JR: It was a slobberknocker!
VOG: Geico. 15 minutes could save you 15% or more on car insurance.
I know, it was bad.
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FHgrad99
Vegeta
Never mind that s***, here comes Mongo!
Posts: 9,024
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Post by FHgrad99 on Jan 5, 2008 14:04:03 GMT -5
I'll take a crack at this.
Voice Over Guy: Betty Simmons is a real Geico customer, not a paid celebrity. To help her tell her story we hired professional wrestling announcer, Don West.
Simmons: "I was driving to the grocery store when I somebody pulled out in front of me."
West: "You have got to be kidding me."
Simmons: "I called Geico and the represenative that was very helpful."
West: "Get on the phone lines and dial! dial! dial."
Simmons: "Within an hour a represenative was at my door with an estimate."
West: "That was freaking insane!"
Simmons: "It turns out that my car was totaled and they gave me a check for a whole new car.
West: "It was Gem Mint 10."
Voice over Guy: "Geico. 15 Minutes can save you 15% or more on car insurance."
I know it might have sucked but there wasn't much more I could do.
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Post by Save_Us.Voicebox on Jan 5, 2008 14:22:22 GMT -5
Here is Fay Wahler she is not a celebrity so to help her out we hired ECW Champion CM Punk to help tell her story:
Fay: Well I was driving in my new car out of the dealership and I got stuck on the train tracks and then the dividers came down on my car.
CM Punk: My name is CM Punk and I come from the Southside Streets of Chicago, and my only addiction is competition
Fay: I knew it was on a matter on time before a train would hit my car.
CM Punk: Meanwhile on the straight-edge express...
Fay: So I saw the train coming towards my car so I ran away, before it would crush me too.
CM Punk: The train had freaky-retard strength.
Fay: As I watched my new Beamer flip in the air I called Geico.
CM Punk: Flippy Mcguillicuty is at it again
Fay: I talked to a representative who assured my that this would be covered.
CM Punk: He must have not been straightedge....
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Post by Widow's Peak on Jan 5, 2008 18:24:04 GMT -5
I apologize in advance for this:
Susan Miller is not a celebrity. So to tell her story, we hired WWE Superstar The Great Khali:
Susan: I was driving home from the supermarket when suddenly, a llama ran out in front of my car!
Khali: BLARGGH! GAR! BLARRGH! KHALI!
Susan: I swerved to miss it, but I ended up hitting the side of an ice cream truck!
Khali: BLARGGH! GAR! BLARRGH! KHALI!
Susan: Geico handled my claim right away and it was no trouble at all!
Khali: BLARGGH! GAR! BLARRGH! KHALI!
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damna
Don Corleone
Sorry Anderson Silva, but Fedor is still number 1!
Posts: 1,819
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Post by damna on Jan 5, 2008 18:46:14 GMT -5
Michael Chavez is a real GEICO customer, so to tell his story, we've hired the Hurricane to tell his story...
MC: I was driving home from work when a big storm came throuh the area
H: STAND BACK....THERE'S A HURRICANE COMING THROUGH!
MC: All of the sudden...I was rear ended out of nowhere...
H: DASTARDLY FIEND!
MC: He then fled the scene without even stopping..
H: WUZ UP WIT DAT!?!
MC: I called my GEICO agent for help
H: CITIZEN GEICO AGENT, CAN YOU HELP ME WITH MY HURRIMOBILE?
MC: He made sure all my expenses were covered, and helped track down the other car.
H: HE WAS A SUPER HERO IN TRAINING!
GEICO can save you up to 15% on your car insurance...
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Agent P
Bill S. Preston, Esq.
Wooo
Posts: 18,180
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Post by Agent P on Jan 5, 2008 18:50:38 GMT -5
First of all, I know Crying Wrestling Fan's on this board (I keep forgetting his name), if you are offended I apologize.
Mike Hunt is a real Geico customer, not a paid celebrity. So to help tell his story, we hired the Crying Wrestling Fan.
MH: I crashed my car and had no one to turn to.
CWF *starts to sob*: I told him my recollections of a true legend in the insurance business: Geico.
MH: They processed my claim and I was very grateful.
CWF *sobbing increases*: I told him to thank them for everything they did to his car body.
MH: I know there's a lot of fakes and frauds in the insurance business, but I got my check within 24 hours.
CWF *Full blown crying*: It's still real to them, damnit!
VOG: *As Hunt consoles Fan* Geico. 15 minutes could save you 15% or more on car insurance.
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Post by hypnoticgenes on Jan 5, 2008 22:06:28 GMT -5
Someone need to do a Luger one.
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FHgrad99
Vegeta
Never mind that s***, here comes Mongo!
Posts: 9,024
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Post by FHgrad99 on Jan 6, 2008 2:15:52 GMT -5
I'll try another one:
Brad McAllister is a real Geico customer, not a paid celebrity. To help tell his story, we hired New Jack.
Brad: "I was driving to work one day when somebody drifted into my lane and hit my car."
New Jack: "Some stupid mother f***er f***ing ran into my f***ing car."
Brad: "I called Geico and they processed my claim and I got my car back very quickly."
New Jack: "I called those f***ers at Geico and they got me my mother f***ing money so I could get my f***ing car back right f***ing away."
Brad: "It is hard to find good service like Geico."
New Jack: "They are a bunch of good mother f***ers."
Voice Over Guy: "Geico. 15 minutes could save you 15% or more on car insurance."
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Post by Leaving after 1,600 on Jan 6, 2008 2:42:21 GMT -5
First of all, I know Crying Wrestling Fan's on this board (I keep forgetting his name), if you are offended I apologize. Mike Hunt is a real Geico customer, not a paid celebrity. So to help tell his story, we hired the Crying Wrestling Fan. MH: I crashed my car and had no one to turn to. CWF *starts to sob*: I told him my recollections of a true legend in the insurance business: Geico. MH: They processed my claim and I was very grateful. CWF *sobbing increases*: I told him to thank them for everything they did to his car body. MH: I know there's a lot of fakes and frauds in the insurance business, but I got my check within 24 hours. CWF *Full blown crying*: It's still real to them, damnit! VOG: *As Hunt consoles Fan* Geico. 15 minutes could save you 15% or more on car insurance. Win close thread, go to bed we have a weiner.
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