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Post by The Lach is very tired on Jun 8, 2005 3:46:58 GMT -5
*SHOCKWAVE Spaz's music hits & he makes his way to the ring still carrying the EWT Heavyweight Title getting major heat.*
S: I'm back in the building baby. After my enforced absence thanks to Toomi I have returned. Unfortunately my title shot requests have been denied.
*Crowd cheers.*
S: But don't all you Spazphiles out there worry my time will come soon enough. But now I have a more pressing issue. Botchberg. The last time we met in this ring I threw you off the Scaffold through a damn table but that isn't enough. *Rips off shirt to show his scarred shoulder* You see this Botchberg you did this to me & I use these scars to remind me to never let my guard down & to always watch my back every time I look at these scars I think of you & I think of revenge. Come the PPV Sausage Sunday or whatever that freak ape has called it I will do to you ten times worse than what you have done to me.
*Spaz's theme hits & he leaves still carrying his ill gotten EWT Title Belt.*
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Post by foghornleghorn on Jun 8, 2005 10:16:18 GMT -5
Bob appears on the screen and he appears expressionless again as he picks up a small microphone and utters in a deppressing tone "I'm ready to begin my crusade here in EWT and I want to take on any 'sports-entertainment' personality right here, right now. Defend your excuse for being primarily crowd pleasers by proving that you can last in the ring in a special stipulation match. The stipulation is that you can't use the same move more than once - and that includes pin attempts, although there are different pins that you can use. If you can still outwrestle me, I will admit that 'entertainers' can also be wrestlers." As the picture fades, Bob assumes a slightly ticked off expression at the thought of having to concede defeat.
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ape
Unicron
Aunt Blabby Tells All.
bea wants all you sweathogs to take a look at what a REAL man is supposed to look like
Posts: 3,223
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Post by ape on Jun 8, 2005 10:55:53 GMT -5
*the camera fades into an extreme close up of psychoapeguy's face. he is quietly laughing to himself. after a moment, the laughter stops and he begins to speak.*
a-bomb...hehe...buddy....i finally figured out who your opponent is going to be at screaming sausage mayhem...your opponent will be.....hehe.....stevie.....richards.....have fun at the ppv....
*the ape begins to laugh again as the camera fades to black.*
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Post by foghornleghorn on Jun 8, 2005 14:31:17 GMT -5
Bob's entrance music (a classical piece) plays and he struts to the ring, microphone in hand. After sliding under the ropes, he signals for his opponent (the entertainer who accepted the no repetition of moves challenge) to come out and the Undertaker's gong sounds. The crowd marks as the dead man slowly slides down the entrance ramp and climbs into the ring.
At the start, Undertaker dominates with an irish whip, big boot and various types of punches and kicks. But he eventually runs out of basic moves to do and starts to do power moves like the bodyslam on the seemingly helpless light-heavyweight. 'Taker hits the snake eyes and picks Bob up for the last ride in the corner as the crowd goes wild, but the wrestling purist hits a hurracanrana sending his opponent to the mat.
Not failing to capitalise on his momentary advantage, he starts to go through several basic holds that wear down the back, not allowing the big man to get up. Finally, the newcomer locks in a variation of the half-crab in which one of the victims arms is trapped underneath his own face while the other arm is locked under Bob's free knee. The Undertaker assumes a constrained expression, but refuses to tap or even groan in pain. The referee eventually forces the heel to break the hold as his opponent was near the ropes and would have reached them if it wasn't for the fact that his arms were incapacitated.
Allowed to stand back up, the 300 pound man immediately starts fighting back with punches to the midsection and eventually has his oppressor dazed near a corner. The dead man then decides to work on his opponent's arm and climbs up to the second turnbuckle for the old-school. It hurts Bob slightly, but since it is the first time that his arm has been the focus of attack in the match, it doesn't do that much damage. However, the smaller man lures his enemy into a sense of false security by over-selling and pretending that it really hurts.
Satisfied that his nemesis will not be able to counter, the dead man sets up for another old school, but this time Bob catches him out by quickly jumping to the second rope and hitting a devastating superplex. He tries for the hook of the leg, but the Undertaker does his patented sit-up after the 2 1/2 count, fixing the cheeky debutant in his gaze. Not really daunted at all, Bob clotheslines him to the floor, quickly slides out of the ring and gets a steel chair, yelling "Oh and 'Taker, did I mention that this was a hardcore match as well? I respect hardcore wrestlers as they try to wrestle their own style instead of playing to the fans with fancy gimmicks."
The surprised babyface, is however able to duck out of the way of a wild swing and chokeslams Bob onto the steel chair, going for a cover. As he didn't hook the leg, the annoying villian is able to catch his foot on the ropes. An angry sports-entertainer starts to argue with the referee, but this allows his opponent to quickly hit a dragon suplex pin from behind and pick up the win.
Immediately after the bell, Bob slides out again and brings a table into the ring. He picks up his fallen foe with great effort and puts him on top, setting up for a suplex. However, the fan favourite is able to reverse it into a last ride, powerbomb, which then gets reversed into a DDT through the table. A smiling Bob walks away the winner, much to the dislike of the live crowd.
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Post by invaderdave on Jun 8, 2005 19:20:32 GMT -5
Hoss Matthews stands backstage, in front of a monitor.
Hoss: Ladies and gentlemen, I regret to inform you that David Davies' plane to Japan has went down in Africa. Surprisingly, Dave survived, and we were somehow sent the following footage.
The screen fills with an African hut. Dave stumbles into the hut, and walks up to a small alter. Dave is beaten and battered, due to the plane crash (der).
Dave: Uh, sir. I was told by the tribe outside that I should ask you for some sort of help and...
The camera reveals who Dave is talking to...
Dave: Rudy Ray Moore?
RRM: That's right, son. Somehow, the tribe has seen Dolemite and it's numerous sequels. I did a visit here to support my brothers and sisters, and they suddenly made me the tribe figurehead.
Dave: Groovy.
RRM: That ain't the half of it, though. I'm losing all of my Pimp Powuh.
Dave: Pimp Power?
RRM: No, Pimp Powuh. Due to my inability to pimp my hoes, the magic is leaving. I need someone to take my place.
Dave: I'll do it.
RRM: Good. You need to get back to America, and get the good pimp word out, in the best way you know how.
Dave: I think I have a way.
RRM: Good. Now, take my cane you rat-soup eatin' mutha f***a.
Rudy Ray hands Dave his cane.
RRM: And to complete the transition...my pimp ring.
Rudy Ray hands Dave his ring, and the ring begins to glow. The camera shorts out, and the footage ends. *** Back to Hoss Matthews.
Hoss: We have no idea what is going on, but we hope to see David Davies safely return soon.
Commercial.
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DQorDie
Bubba Ho-Tep
Believe in yourself & ROCK N ROLL!!!
Posts: 635
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Post by DQorDie on Jun 9, 2005 15:46:35 GMT -5
*the mystery stone is one again spotlighted by the entrance way as soft church music with vocals plays*
Gorilla Monsoon: Welcome back to EWT Supercrap. As we saw last week that mysterious stone is once again lingering by the entrance way as that heavenly music is permeating throughout the arena. What do you think it's all about, Jess?
Jesse The Body: I don't know, Gorilla. Maybe you can tell me since you were around back in the STONE age.
Gorilla: Would you please, Jess. This could be the coming of a fantastic superstar to the EWT.
Jesse: My apologies Gorilla. Maybe whom this stone is for maybe HE can use it to sink the careers of guys like Maelstrom, David Adams, & the rest of those whiny losers in the back. Hahaha.
Gorilla: That is yet to be seen, Jess. BUT WE'll be right back after a word from our sponsor, George Foreman.
*commercial break...yet again with George Foreman in the backyard with his family.*
George Foreman: Hi, I'm George Foreman. Now before I say the catchphrase I'd like you to introduce you to my latest in grill technology. The George Foreman Lean Mean Baby Roasting Machine.
*grill is displayed*
George Foreman: With an inhuman appetite like mine any normal grill & food for that matter just won't just do it, but with the George Foreman Lean Mean Baby Roasting you can satisfy both!
*grabs an aborted fetus*
GF: Mmmm just like mom use to make.
*stickes rod through the fetus & places it in the rotisserie & closes the grill*
*cuts to a shot of George's face doing a big "Ooooooo" with his mouth as he watches it cook*
GF: With the George Foreman Lean Mean Baby Roasting Machine You can have you're aborted infant glazed & roasted within minutes. Not only that, but with the special marrow, bile, & other fluid secreting tubes *shows tubes in action* you'll be sure to have a healthy dinner for the whooole family
*actress brings a plate to Mr. Foreman with his dinner & he takes a bite ripping into it's belly welly*
GF: Mmmm George XXVIII you're tasty! Mmmm *lips smack* You won't pay a lot, but you'll eat a lot at Meinieke....Uummm I mean...Available at Sears. KNOCK OUT THE FAT!
*big smile & CUT! PRINT!*
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Post by *"@-BoMb" R.I.P Deus/Dinobot on Jun 9, 2005 17:55:29 GMT -5
*A-Bomb and Stevie are in their locker room when they hear the news*
*Stevie is shaking his head*
A-Bomb:What the f***! That retarded son of a b****! How dare he book me in a match against you! I'm gonna go kick his ass!
*Stevie blocks Addy from going out the door*
Stevie:No don't do that. Addy, chill.
A-Bomb:Why?
Stevie:It's just a match....I mean it's not like anything is going to come between us....we are better than that.
A-Bomb:I don't want to hurt you.
Stevie:I was in ECW remember I can take it. Come on it's going to be fun.
A-Bomb:You got a point there. I mean it's not going to be that long of a match anyway.
Stevie:What do you mean by that!?
A-Bomb: Come on now... you are a *cough* lower midcarder and I'm a proven maineventer.
*Stevie is pissed*
A-Bomb:What!?
Stevie:I can't believe you said that! You selfish asshole! *Stevie smacks A-Bomb and the two begin to brawl. A few wrestlers come in a seperate the two.*
A-Bomb:I'm gonna beat your jobber ass!
*Stevie breaks free and attempts to choke A-Bomb before being restrained*
Stevie:Addy! You bastard! I'm gonna take that tacky ass belt Sunday!
A-Bomb:Oh, no that hefer didn't! Let me go! *Stevie is being dragged out the door*
A-Bomb:Lose some weight while you're at it! You're starting to look like you did when you were in the Right to Censor!
Stevie:F*** you!
*cut to commericals*
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Post by Toom E. Guci on Jun 9, 2005 22:46:17 GMT -5
*Toomi Bischoff sits in his hospital bed, recuperating from the surgery a few days ago & an afternoon of rehab.*
Son of a b***. What the hell has been going on since I been gone?
Looks like I have a pay per view to attend.
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El Unorigino
AC Slater
iTotally NOT an alt!
RIP, Huracan Ramirez
Posts: 144
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Post by El Unorigino on Jun 9, 2005 23:10:04 GMT -5
*The curtain next to Toomi's bed shoots open, revealing that Unorigino has been sharing the room in the hospital with Toomi.
Unorigino: <broken English> iHola, Toomi! I am...ready...to...return to...the ring. I'm sure...the fans...and my buddies...all miss me...I'm ready, homes.
*Unorigino runs around, yelling "iOLE!" over and over again, with the back of his hospital gown flapping in the breeze, and bedpans in both of his hands. Toomi pages a nurse, who flashes her "goodies" to Unorigino, which calms him and quiets him. Toomi laments being at a bad angle and missing the flashing. End scene.
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Post by The Lach is very tired on Jun 10, 2005 1:32:11 GMT -5
*Hoss Matthews runs up to Spaz backstage. He is still walking around with the EWT Heavyweight Title.*
Hoss: Spaz, your thoughts on your PPV match.
S: You notice that since the match announcement Botchberg hasn't been seen or heard from? That's coz he is scared Hoss, scared of what I will do to him & you know what? He has every right to be scared coz come match time I will annilhate him & prove once & for all that I deserve to be the No1 Contender for this. *holds up belt*
Hoss: Just on that Spaz, A-Bomb is still the champ you know that right?
S: Of course I do. If he wants his belt back you tell him to come & try to take it from me.
*Spaz walks into his locker room & slams the door.*
Hoss: Strong words there from Spaz, EWT will be back after this message.
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Post by THE Dinobot on Jun 10, 2005 1:56:16 GMT -5
David Adams has a backstage crew member take a hand written message to temp. GM ape, with reads:
"I'm scared.
David Adams."
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Post by #Classic Hi-Definition X on Jun 10, 2005 9:53:52 GMT -5
*HBH heads down to the ring with Rosa and Gasoline as it's time for the Heartbreak Hotel*
HBH: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the show that everybody has been talking about for the past week. This is the Heartbreak Hotel!
*Pyro goes off*
HBH: We had a heartbreaking debut last week, when we had the Nyrds or Geeks or whatever the hell they call themselves. Anyway, here's what happened.
*Footage airs of the Nyrds trying to come on to Rosa, then with HBH and Gasoline attacking them and throwing out of the ring*
HBH: (laughing) As far as I know, they're still desperate for a date, so if there's any females out there who are as hard up and pathetic as they are and want to hook up with them, I'm sure they'll be delighted. But now let's focus on this week. My guest for this week claims to be for the people. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you PZA!
*PZA walks out to thunderous cheers. He poses for the crowd*
HBH: It is my pleasure to welcome you to the Heartbreak Hotel. How are you feeling?
PZA: I'm feeling great, but I want to know if these people are feeling great!
*Crowd cheers*
PZA: Then let's make some noise up in this mutha!
*Crowd cheers loudly*
HBH: Now PZA, lately you have been involved in a bitter feud with Ultimo Chocula. Last week you two brawled and literally had to be pulled apart. Is there anything you want to say to him?
PZA: Chocula seems to think that he's better than me just because he carries around that Jean Grayburn title. He flaunts it around as if it's supposed to make people like him and take him seriously. Chocula, I've said it before and I'll say it again. You are a disgrace to this company! I'm not going to put up with it, and I'm damn sure these fans aren't going to put up with it either! Chocula, I am going to take you out! AND I'M GOING TO DO IT NOT JUST FOR MYSELF AND EWT, BUT ALSO FOR.......THE.......FANS!!
*Crowd cheers loudly, but they quickly turn to boos when Ultimo Chocula comes out. He walks to the ring silently and stands toe to toe with PZA. The two then exchange punches. HBH, Gasoline, and Rosa quickly leave the ring. PZA and Chocula continue to exchange punches before PZA takes Chocula down and pummels on him. He gets up, ready to finish off Chocula. However, when he lifts up Chocula for his finisher, Chocula gives him a low blow. He then throws PZA through a window. The stunned crowd lets out a collective gasp. Chocula then grabs a mic*
UC: And that's why the call me the greatest GENE RAYBURN MEMORIAL CHAMPION EVAH!!
Jim Hoss: Bah Gawd, we need help out here!
*Ultimo Chocula leaves the ring, satisfied with what he did. Meanwhile, EMTs rush down to the ring to check on PZA. They carry him out on a stretcher. The fans look concerned*
Jim Hoss: What the hell else is going to happen here tonight?
*Fade to commercial*
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Post by Poker Joker on Jun 10, 2005 11:26:31 GMT -5
(NOTE: I just wanted to let folks know that I DID get Moxie's permission to make this promo beforehand.)
*Immediately following the PPV! Moxie is leaving the arena after going through a tough match, only to be stripped of his Tri-State Championship. He's in an extremely foul mood, and hasn't even bothered to change out of his wrestling attire. He's carrying his gym bag, and walks out the door of the arena to the parking lot.
Suddenly, Billy "The Virgin" Ubermark runs up behind him and smashes Moxie in the back of the head with a bottle of Mexican tequela! Moxie goes down in a heap, bleeding from the back of his head!
*BU* (in a complete and total rage): HEY, MOXIE! HOW'S THAT FOR A TASTE OF MEXICO FOR YA, HUH?!!
*Billy bends over and picks the tired and bleeding Moxie up by the hair!*
*BU*: How about another trip?!
*Billy locks Moxies up and nails him with a DDT, sending the battered wrestler face first into some of the shattered glass on the pavement. Moxie's face and hair are now covered in blood as he lies motionless on the ground. Billy Ubermark kneels down beside Moxie and starts yelling into Moxie's unconscious face.*
*BU* (seething with rage): How did you find out about the match you had tonight, huh, Moxie? How did you learn that you were going to be facing Hieden-Dorf for the EWT Tri-State Title? Did you get a call? Did someone write you a letter? Did Ape call you into his office and go over the details with you? I'll bet that one of the details he left out was that that was supposed to be MY Tri-State Title Match!!! I'm the better wrestler, Moxie! I'm the greatest, young superstar in EWT today! After all this time of having to overcome Virgin Discrimination, I should've had that title shot! ME!
Instead, do you know how I found out about MY match, Moxie? After that unexpected trip to Mexico you sent me on, and being shot at, chased by dogs, forced to live out of garbage cans, having to bum rides from bordertown low-lifes, sneaking across the Mexican border, getting chased AGAIN by dogs, and finally hitchhiking all the way to this arena, I found out FIVE MINUTES BEFORE MY MATCH that I was enrolled in some battle royal!! Instead of being booked in a Tri-State title match that I was CLEARLY worthy of, I had to settle for being part of some silly battle royal I didn't even have time to get ready for!!!
*Billy pauses for a second and gazes into the bloddy mess that currently is Moxie's face. Shards of glass can be seen embedded in the cuts on Moxie's forehead. Billy's face, on the other hand, is beat red and his eyes are locked on Moxie.*
*BU*: I really enjoyed seeing you get screwed over by Ape, Moxie! I don't care if you have the Tri-State Championship, or not; I'll get that belt eventually, whether I take it off of you, or someone else! I just wanted to see you get screwed out of a title, just like you've screwed me SEVERAL TIMES, NOW! But just seeing you get rooked out of your belt isn't enough for me, Moxie! Oh no!!! I'm FAR from being done with you! Just like you've made me suffer, I'm going to make YOU suffer... only worse!! From here on out, I'm going to go out of my way to make your life a living Hell until I get you in the ring! And when I finally do, I'm going to take my revenge out of your hide!!!
*Billy stands up, still staring down at the fallen Moxie. He gives Moxie's unconscious form a final swift kick in the ribs before turning around a leaving. The camera focuses in on Moxie, lying in a pool of his own blood, for several seconds. Eventually some people pass by and see Moxie.*
*Bypasser* (off camera): Hey! Hey, mister! Are you alright? .... Hey, Corey! Call an ambulance! This guy's hurt.
(The picture fades to black)
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Post by foghornleghorn on Jun 10, 2005 12:41:31 GMT -5
Bob makes his way to the ring, with many fans mocking him for his performance in the battle royal. Scowling and swearing at them, the Englishman grabs a microphone and yells "SHUT UP! I did my best wrestling without resorting to cheap shots in that battle royal. However, I was eliminated by someone who did resort to cheap shot, namely a weapon. Speaking of weapons," the cheated heel picks up a steel chair that was randomly in the middle of the ring.
"Here's one that I shall utilise as it was intended to be. I shall sit on it. Now, back to what I was talking about - I want a match with the man who eliminated me, Cue Paul. And it isn't going to be any kind of match - oh no, it's going to be in the first round of the Sulphur Rush tournament for the Tri-State title (so that the winner can move on to better things), and it will have a special, savage stipulation that will allow me to get my revenge (I'll win primarily due to my superior wrestling ability, but this time I'll have a counter for that dreaded weapon - I won't even mention it's name). So what do you say Mr Bischoff - do you approve of NO HOLDS BARRED?"
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Maelstrom
AC Slater
The Tide Will Turn!
Posts: 236
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Post by Maelstrom on Jun 10, 2005 13:32:35 GMT -5
*Were backstage with everyone's favorite host Chris Trainerman*
Trainer: Hi everyone . . . i've got a special interview with a man who was distracted from winning the recent Screaming Sausage Mayhem Battle Royal . . . Maelstrom
*Maelstrom walks up to Trainer*
T:So Maelstrom what happened out there you were doing so well?
Maelstrom: Last night was supposed to be night for the current to rise and show the world that only I maelstrom was worthy. . . . but something happened . . .
T:thats right folks Psychoapeguy was fired, it wa . .
M: What? Hell I don't give a damm about that fruitcake and his turkey eating fetish. I'm talking about the man who got me eliminated in the Battle Royal. I had Adams ready for the finish after my thunderous Chokeslam . . . and then this shadowy figure appears on the stage with some fancy light show which blinds me, and then in the confusion elminatined me from the ring.
T:lets show the audience a clip of this . . .
*Film footage of the event is shown to the audience*
T: So Maelstrom got any ideas on who this man is?
M: I have a few . . . the swirling waves will reveal this jackass to me soon enough . . . he has a ring . . . so I have something to go on.
T: well fol . . .
*Maelstrom pushes Trainer out of the way*
M: Listen up punk! Whoever you are I will see to it that you are crushed beneath the waves. The ocean is beginning to Churn. The Tide Will Turn!
*Maelstrom pushes the cameraman over and storms off*
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jzbadblood
Unicron
Christ, man. Can't you see what's happening? Can't you read between the lines?
Posts: 3,052
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Post by jzbadblood on Jun 10, 2005 15:18:09 GMT -5
Big Shot by Billy Joel hits and Jz walks to the ring with the same ripped up shirt from his loss in the tag team match, the bloody steel chair, and a microphone. He climbs into the ring and stares at the fans who are clapping.
Jz: Well, here we are again...same position at the end of every ppv recently. I'm standing alone, without a title, and without a clue as to what to do next. Well, it doesn't matter, because I got payback last night.
The fans look on in confusion.
Jz: When I put Ape through that table, it wasn't because I was pissed at the result of our tag match. He was the one who attacked me! He put me in the hospitial! He was that mystery attacker, and he though he could get away with it....so not only did I take his eye, but his last wrestling related moment in the EWT was going headfirst through a flaming table..curtousy of me!
The fans chants Jz's name.
Jz: So now what? I'm finally on your good side, and now that Ape is gone I can move on with my career. No worrying about that bastard trying to get revenge anymore. Well, I'll tell you what I'm going to do now. Jz is going back to single's competition, and after I beat the hell out of all these new guys who showed up while I was busy defending the Tag Team Titles, I'm taking back the World Heavyweight Title!
Jz holds the chair up over his head and the fans chant his name like never before.
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Limey
Unicron
It's been awhile.
Posts: 3,062
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Post by Limey on Jun 10, 2005 15:52:32 GMT -5
*"RIP" Starts playing, and out comes Limey, winner of the $10,000 Battle Royal. He grabs the stick.*
Limey: As well you know, *I* am the new proud winner of the $10,000 Battle Royale, and I know I owe it all to the essence of METAL. Screaming Sausage Mayhem saw many wrestlers...no...gifted, talented, fighters, and I survived. I overcame the odds!
*Limey looks towards the back.*
Limey: But even with this money, I would still give it up for one thing. Siren. She is worth more than this money ever could mean to me! With this money, I could buy a whole lot of things. I could start up a metal concert that would rival Ozzfest! I would form a band the likes of which have never been seen! But it won't do to convince the many peoples out there...the non-believers in metal...that there is only one true music. Siren. You are worth more than the money, you are worth more than the pride! You are worth everything!
*Limey then turns to the camera.*
Limey: But I am not without my sense of honour. Maelstrom, you may have lost the Battle Royal, but it was due to circumstances that were out of your control. Therefore, I give you my full support in finding this mysterious figure. Oh, and to David Adams...
*Limey looks forward.*
Dave, you may have felt cheated that night. You may have felt that you deserved to win, that that night you took away my pride! But don't think that it was your last chance at getting to me. I offer you a choice. You can come out here, take the money you feel you are rightly owed and we'll never speak of this again. Or you could come out here, and accept my challenge for a match! As I said before, this money is worthless to me. You can regain one of two things. Your dignity, or your money. The choice is yours. One or the other. I'm sorry if I can't give you both, but that's life. And life has just...given...you...LIMES.
*Throws down the stick, and walks solemnly to the back.*
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Post by obi on Jun 10, 2005 16:35:49 GMT -5
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jzbadblood
Unicron
Christ, man. Can't you see what's happening? Can't you read between the lines?
Posts: 3,052
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Post by jzbadblood on Jun 10, 2005 16:40:13 GMT -5
Limey walks back through the curtain and Jzbadblood is standing their with his steel chair..looking him in the eye. He begins to speak in a very soft tone.
Jz: I see that you won the battle royal.
Limey: Yeah, and..
Jz: and...I don't even know your name.
Limey: Limey...it's Limey.
Jz: Well isn't that peachy.
Limey: What the hell do you want?
Jz: Watch your back around here. If you and these other new kids aren't careful you could get taken out..
Limey: Is that a threat?
Jz: I don't make threats or promises...I'm just sayin...
Jz walks past him and Limey watches him take off.
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Post by Ultimo Chocula on Jun 10, 2005 21:48:28 GMT -5
(Terri Runnels is backstage interviewing Ultimo Chocula.)
Terri: "Hello everyone, I'm here with Ultimo Chocula. Ultimo, you were eliminated from the battle royale in 12 seconds. What happened? I had 50 bucks on you!"
UC: "You did?"
Terri" "Yes!"
UC: "That was a pretty dumb bet...uh..wait. What did I just say? Skip that. My point is this. I could have won that battle royale easy, if I wasn't blindsided by PiZzA in that cowardly Pearl Harbor attack..."
Terri" "He attacked you head on."
UC: "Whatever. He still came at me when I clearly wasn't ready. I was all set to take out Uberdork and that's when that gutless toad hit me by surprise. Totally lame. I don't know what his deal is."
Terri: "Maybe it was when you put him through a window on Heartbreak Hotel."
UC: (starts laughing) "Aw yeah! That was some cold s*** throwing PiZzA through the window. Just picked him up and threw him through the g** damm window! Heh heh....he's one ugly son of a gun now."
(Just then Michael Cole runs up with a microphone.)
Cole: "Sorry I'm late. Hey! I thought I was doing this interview!"
UC: "Shaddap, small fry. The lady is talking."
(UC back hands Cole in the nose which starts bleeding profusley. Cole runs off crying.)
UC: "I don't like that guy. He bugs me."
Terri: "No argument here. He's a total load. But back to the subject at hand. This feud between PZA and yourself has been going on for several weeks and it's only getting worse. When are you two finally going to square off in the ring?"
UC: "Whenever that melon baller grows a set and meets me face to face. It's not difficult. Just sign the damn contract. The simple truth is that PiZzA is getting old. I'm ready any time he is. All he has to do is take off his dress, put his Barbies back in the Dream House, finish eating his EZ Bake light bulb warm sugar cookies, and be a man. Like me! I'm a man! Yes I am! Want to count my chest hairs?"
Terri: (Looks closely for a second) ".......I see two."
UC: "Oh....right. Um........ So are we done?"
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