|
Post by THE Dinobot on Jun 11, 2005 1:43:56 GMT -5
Moments after the events that occured at Extreme Sausage Mayham, Maria comes to interview David Adams for the dvd release and the EWT website.
Maria: David, everyone....
*David takes the mic from Maria*
Adams: Get away you skank. Everyone saw what happened tonight. I was the REAL winner, but those paid-off refs declared Limey the winner? What kind of organization is this? I got DQ'ed for using a WRESTLING move. I am NOT a gimmick people, I just so happen to be the best damned technical WRESTLER in the whole world, and to have me here is a privilege for all you ungrateful fans. *hits his chest in a Benoit manner* I am a WRESTLER. We say that, that, punk use a pool stick on me, he cheated. Yet, I'm the one to get DQ'ed, and for what? For using a WRESTLING move? This is more bull**** then when that ape defeated my father in his retirement match.
*Someone comes runs over to David to tell him what Limey just said in the ring*
Oh, so Limey, offered me the money he finds it worthless. Or he offers me a match, witch I find worthless to be in the same ring with him. You make sure he gets this message, Limey, I don't need your petty money, I've already got more in the bank then everyone else here combind. And a match, with you is never taking place, 'cause I found out tonight, you're not in my league.
Now, I declare this interview over.
|
|
Limey
Unicron
It's been awhile.
Posts: 3,062
|
Post by Limey on Jun 11, 2005 2:45:26 GMT -5
*Limey is watching what Dave just said on a monitor. He sighs and mutters to no-one in particular.*
Limey: Not in your league, eh?
*Hoss Matthews approaches Limey*
Hoss: Limey, David Adams just...
Limey: I saw. He probably didn't understand me. I told him to make a decision between ONE choice and ANOTHER. To choose NEITHER...kind of upsets me. But you know what? Right now, I'll be NICE. I'll humour him...for now.
Hoss: You mean you're not bothered about...
Limey: Hoss, shut up. As far as *I'm* concerned, Dave's right to be annoyed at me. But I gave him an opportunity to face me, and I gave him an opportunity to take the money. You really can't say fairer than that. I will say this, though. Dave, you may tell yourself over and over that I am beneath you, that I don't deserve to face you in the ring. But I know you will always feel doubt. This doubt will eat you up inside. It'll...make you feel madness, delerium. Soon, you'll run out of excuses. You'll come to the conclusion that you don't want to face me because...you fear me. Well, Dave, I'll tell you this; I don't fear defeat. I don't fear the Crowning Achievement. I know it hurts like hell, though. I still have the bruises, I still hear ticking every time I move my head! The one thing I do fear is the death of metal, and I know because of wrestlers like Siren and Maelstrom, metal will NEVER DIE. So, again, I remind you. Any time you feel like a match, I'm right here. No more excuses this time. And we'll make it perfectly square. No DQs on piledrivers, but no-one can use pool cues. Oh. That reminds me.
*He gets out a pool cue from his bag. It's put together with duct tape, and looks worse for wear.*
Limey: Cue Paul, I fixed your cue. I remember the sound it made as I hit you over the skull with it. Nasty stuff. If you still want it, I'm handing it in to lost property.
Hoss: Well...
Limey: No more questions. I've said what I needed to say...
*Limey solemnly walks off.*
|
|
|
Post by Toom E. Guci on Jun 11, 2005 13:49:48 GMT -5
*Toomi Bischoff sits in his office, Ogre next to him.*
Son of a b***. SON OF A B***!!!
Ogre: What is it Rog?
TB: Ogre, get the f*** out of my office. YOU'RE FIRED!!!
Ogre: Huh?
TB: You did NOTHING to prevent the Nyrds from winning the title. Get the hell out of my office, NOW!!!
*Ogre walks out, saddened.*
TB: Now, onto more important matters. I must see how the f*** to fix these screw ups.
*Just then, Spaz burts into the office.*
TB: And just what the f*** do you want?
Spaz: What do I want? What do I want? You know damn well what I want. I WANT MY F***ING TITLE SHOT!!!
TB: Well, isn't that to damn bad.
Spaz: You will give me what I want or I will not be held responsible for what happens around here.
TB: You know what Spaz? You're right. You do deserve a title shot. Afterall, you did interfere in a match, attacked Addy Bomb, & pinned him for a 3-count officiated by a sanctioned EWT referee in a non-sanctioned EWT match. So, you know what? You will get a chance for the championship...after you have truly earned it.
Spaz: And how the hell do I earn what I already have earned?
TB: You will find out in due time....in due time. No, GET THE HELL OUT OF MY OFFICE BEFORE YOU'RE UNEMPLOYED, TOO!!!
*Spaz gives a real nasty look & walks out as Bischoff goes over some more papers.*
|
|
Maelstrom
AC Slater
The Tide Will Turn!
Posts: 236
|
Post by Maelstrom on Jun 11, 2005 21:12:26 GMT -5
*We return to the ring where a match between Chuck Palumbo and The Godfather is about to start*
*the match is a brawl as both men trade punches, Godfather gets the advantage Irish whipping Palumbo into the corner he goes for the Ho Train but misses as Palumbo rolls out of the way, Palumbo goes for a school boy pin but only gets 2. One powerslam later and Godfather is down*
*There's commotion in the audience as Maelstrom leaps the guard rail and enters the ring . . . Palumbo tries to stop him but gets a ChokeSlam for his trouble . . . Maelstrom grabs the mike*
Maelstrom: Godfather! You wear rings on you fingers . . . you were seen at the PPV by some guys backstage . . . You cost me chance at becoming a true title contender! The tides out ! and your all washed up!
*Maelstrom goes to set up Godfather for the Whirlpool but his Ho's come into the ring to stop Maelstrom . . . Godfather gets away from the hold and grabs the Mike*
Godfather: Now hold on a second there big guy! I was there at the PPV, but I was just drumming up some business with my fine lookin' Escorts here . . . because you know 'Pimpin ain't Easy!'
M: You can prove that?
G: Sure just go ask Val Venis, Cue Paul or those ever ho' lovin Nyrds . . . .
M: Arrghh! Turns to the camera . . . I know your out there hiding in the shadows . . . and when the waters reveal you . . . the wave is going to come crashing down!
G: Maybe I can help you out Maelstrom . . . how about you get some action to calm your nerves . . . c'mon Light a big fatty for this pimp daddy! . . . aboard the Ho'ooo Train!
*Maelstrom turns to Godfather looking menacing . . . and then smiles*
M: . . . looks like there's gonna be a strong tide tonight girls . . .
*As the Pimp Daddy's music plays the Godfather, Maelstrom and the Ho's head to the back, as EWT goes to Commercial*
|
|
El Unorigino
AC Slater
iTotally NOT an alt!
RIP, Huracan Ramirez
Posts: 144
|
Post by El Unorigino on Jun 11, 2005 22:19:48 GMT -5
*Unorigino slowly walks into the Nyrds' dressing room, in full gear, with a bedpan in one hand and a stable title belt in the other.
Unorigino: iHOLA!
*Sexy Translator rushes to the arms of the unoriginal luchadore.
Sexy Translator: Oh, thank gawd! These nerds are alright, but I missed you soooooooo much.
Mike: Oh man, for awhile there, it was just us and her, Unorigino...we don't know how to talk to girls.
Unorigino: I'm sure...you Nyrds...adapted well, homes.
Sexy Translator: <whispers> Please don't leave me alone with these people.
*Sexy Translator clutches Unorigino tighter.
Unorigino: Can't...breathe...angel.
Sexy Translator: Oh! Sorry.
*End scene.
|
|
|
Post by The Lach is very tired on Jun 11, 2005 23:42:19 GMT -5
*Spaz is sitting in his locker room getting changed into his regular person clothes after his win over Botchberg & his little chat with Toomi. The camera shows his reflection in a mirror from around a corner.*
S: Damn Toomi I have already shown that I am worthy of the EWT Heavyweight Title. I am the best technician in the EWT, I have the best finisher, I have all the Spazphiles & I proved I can beat Addy Bomb 1-2-3. What else do I have to do? Whatever it is I will do it, I will not stop until I am the EWT Heavyweight Champion. I don't care what I have to do to get it I will hold that title into the air as my own.
|
|
|
Post by THE Dinobot on Jun 12, 2005 6:17:44 GMT -5
David Adams, sits on a bench in his locker room when interviewed.
Adams: Well, I'd like to put the Limey thing behind me. So, technically, I'm still undefeated. I'd like to say I see how this place is finally ran, and boy, they say WCW had problems. I hear Spaz complaining about not getting his shot against Addy Bomb, he's the best technician. Nah-ah. We have a couple of nerds as the tag champions, that's a bigger gimmick then Heiden-Dorf. There's a virgin. I could go on and on and on. This place isn't a wrestling promotion, it's a damn circus. And quite frankly, it's making me sick. Addy Bomb is the only one here, minus myself, who can back-up everything he says. How long as he been world champion? So long I've lost count, and I respect that. Now, I know I may be hated for having what some call "old-school" values as to what should happen, but that's how I was raised. I have a match tomorrow night, and I'm not even sure yet against whom, but come on, we all know it's just another quick victory for everyone's favorite wrestler, Mr. EWT David Adams.
|
|
Maelstrom
AC Slater
The Tide Will Turn!
Posts: 236
|
Post by Maelstrom on Jun 12, 2005 9:46:14 GMT -5
*Were at the exit to the EWT arena and Ogre is about to leave, his career seemingly over here in the EWT. A couple of the Godfathers Ho's walk past looking a bit disheveled . . . Ogre is about to follow . . .when we hear*
Maelstrom: Whoa Ogre . . . those girls have had enough current for one day . . . if you know what I mean
Ogre: huh . . oh . . .
*Ogre is about to walk through the door now*
Maelstrom: Ogre . . . . I need a word . .
Ogre: What do you want M - - - Mog?
Maelstrom: Mog? ah close enough . . . I have a job for you, if your interested . . . you see I saw Toomi fired you . . . but I see your true talent and this might get you back in to the EWT . . .
Ogre: Mog?
Maelstrom: Not the vocal type I see . . . not a problem . . . You see Ogre the Tide has been having trouble locating this man . . .
*Maelstrom shows Ogre a photo of the mysterious light bearer that knocked him out of the Battle Royal*
Maelstrom: . . . Now I have come to the conclusion that for a man to own a ring that creates that sort of light . . he must be fairly technical . . .and have a lot of time on his hands . . . I suspect it might even be a class ring from a local college . . . .therefore he must be a Nerdy type of gu . . . .
Ogre: NEEERRRRDDDSS!!
Maelstrom: Yep . . . So I want you to find this Nerd for me . . . will you aid the tide? . . .
Ogre: I Smell NEERRDDSS!
Maelstrom: I'll take that as a yes . . . . when you find him . . . bring him to the aquarium here in the EWT . . .
Ogre: Raagghhh
*Ogre begins to storm off on his search . . but his held back by Maelstrom*
Maelstrom: One more thing don't go grabbing Mike & Joel . . . yeah the tag team champ Nyrds . . . I know they are not responsible . . . . cause they arn't stupid enough to piss me off like that . . . Right that clear? Good off you go . . .
*Ogre charges off out of sight in search of the ring bearing nerd . . . . Maelstrom watches before walking off himself . . . . . a couple of Janitors for the EWT walks into frame*
Janitor 1#: I hope that guy knows what he's doing . . .
Janitor 2#: Yeah he's taking an awful risk . . . unleashing Ogre like that . . .
*We cut to a commercial*
|
|
Limey
Unicron
It's been awhile.
Posts: 3,062
|
Post by Limey on Jun 12, 2005 14:14:33 GMT -5
*RIP Hits. Limey comes to the ring. He has a serious look on his face. He is carrying a large briefcase. He grabs the stick.*
Limey: Ladies and gentlemen. As many of you know, I am the $10,000 winner of the Screaming Sausage battle royal. As many of you also know, I don't need this money. I offered it to Dave, but he declined. But enough about Dave. Right now, I have money that I don't need, and up until this point, nothing I could do with it. Therefore, I offer up a challenge to anyone in the locker room to face me for the money. Whomever can defeat me will earn the money. I extend this challenge to anyone. As long as we make it an official match, you can fight me for the money. My first challenge is...right now. Remember; anyone, be it Billy Ubermark, Mike and Joel, or even Toomi himself. Anyone at all. Face me here and now.
*The Heart Throbs music hits, and Antonio and Romeo come out. They come into the ring, and gesticulate wildly that they both want to face Limey.*
Limey: Clubbers. *tut* Always a personal pet peeve of mine. Alright. I'll take on both of you.
*The bell sounds, and the match is underway. The Heart-Throbs attempt to double-clothesline Limey, but he ducks, and nails both of them with a double bulldog. Antonio rolls out of the ring as Romeo struggles to get up. He instinctively goes for the corner, and as Limey goes to pick him up, Romeo rakes the eyes of Limey. Limey staggers around, and then Romeo charges at him and hits a neckbreaker. Cover, one, two, kickout. Antonio rolls back into the ring, and both of them pick up Limey and attempt a double-suplex. The manage to lift him, but then Limey pulls off a double-DDT manouver. Antonio gets up, and walks right into Limey's STO. Romeo sneaks up behind Limey and does a back-drop, but Limey lands on his feet and catches Romeo into a reverse DDT. He goes for a cover, one, two, and Antonio breaks up the pin. Antonio tries to drop an elbow, but Limey rolls out of the way, gets up quickly and rolls under a clothesline by Antonio. Limey bounces off the ropes and does a flying lariat. Romeo is up, and sees Limey picking up Antonio, so he rushes at Limey. Limey ducks out of the way, and Romeo is about to hit Antonio, but stops at the last minute. The two then laugh about it, and high-five, then Limey dropkicks Romeo into Antonio, causing Antonio to fall to the outside. Romeo staggers around, and as he turns around, he gets placed into an Emerald Fusion. Limey then bounces off the ropes, and stops at Romeo before doing an air guitar windmill and dropping an elbow. Limey gets up and throws up the devil horns. Antonio on the outside, picks up the briefcase full of cash, and rolls into the ring with it. He rushes at Limey, attempting to hit him with it, but Limey notices and drops Antonio with a drop-toe-hold. As Antonio hits the briefcase, he staggers around clutching his head, Limey stops him with a kick to the gut, followed by the TWIST OF LIME!!! With Antonio down, Limey goes over to Romeo, and locks in the Lime Disease. Romeo is reeling, and after a few seconds trying to resist it, taps out.
Here is your winner: LIMEY!
*Limey picks up the briefcase, and solemnly walks to the back, shaking his head.
|
|
|
Post by invaderdave on Jun 12, 2005 14:56:38 GMT -5
Toomi sits in his office, doing paperwork.
Toomi: Why am I doing paperwork? This is dumb.
Suddenly, the door swings open, and in steps Dave, a horn intro playing. He stops, and the words of introduction appear:
HE'S A HOMO-SAPIEN HURRICANE!
Toomi: Uh, how did you make those words appear just now?
Dave: Toomi, Toomi baby, it don't matter how I did what, it's that I did it, and baby I'm back.
Toomi: ...You were gone?
Dave: You better believe it, and when I was gone, I saw the light. I realize what I have to do now!
Toomi: What's that?
Dave: Pimp my hoes!
Toomi: ...Okay. So...how am I supposed to help?
Dave: Toomi baby, alls I need is some matches, and it's the perfect soap box to stand on to spread the good pimp word, word! I'm back on the book, baby, Davemite Davies is back on the book!
Toomi: Davemite, eh? That's...that's nice. Hope everything works out for. I'll see what I can do about matches for you. ...What kind of hoes you got in stock?
Davemite: (back to normal) Uh...I don't really have any hoes yet, uh...(boisterous pimp again) But they'll be the finest hoes as far as the mind can imagine! See ya later ya rat-soup eatin' mutha f***a!
Toomi: Hey...
Davemite steps out of the office.
|
|
Maelstrom
AC Slater
The Tide Will Turn!
Posts: 236
|
Post by Maelstrom on Jun 12, 2005 15:17:31 GMT -5
*Back in the ring we are about to start a match between Shawn Stasiak and Maelstrom*
*Maelstrom's music hits and heres the pyro, the smoke is clearing. . . and Here comes the Master of the Vortex . . . . . *
*The bell sounds . . . Stasiak goes for a clothesline he misses . . . atomic drop by Maelstrom . . . a kick to the gut . . ooh here it comes . . The Whirlpool . . . 1,2,3 . . its over . . . *
Ventura: That's the most one sided match I've ever seen!
J.R: Bahh Gawd that was a slobberknocker!
*Maelstrom looks out to the audience . . . half the crowd is missing . . Maelstrom face's is in confusion as to why its so empty . . . wait he's shaking his head . . . now he's broken into a sprint backstage*
Ventura: Where the hell is he going so fast?
J.R: I dunno Ventura . . we'll get back to you folks after this commercial . . . .
|
|
|
Post by 'Foretold' Joker on Jun 12, 2005 15:26:18 GMT -5
(Commercial)
*David Shwimmer appears on the screen*
DS: Hi there, you tired of having sweet looking lushous black hair like mine? Then you need Hairstolisisis . . . the rapid hair removal cream!
*Image of it at work is shown, destroying the hair folicles*
DS: Yes, you too can look like superstar Ben Kingsley after 2 day of Hairstolisisis Cream use . . . . Just Like Me!
*Cut away to David Shwimmer now completely bald. . . still with that incredibly cheesy smile*
Hairstolisisis Cream . . . . Hair today . . Gone Tomorrow!
*Cheesy Jingle Plays as a bald David Shwimmer dances around the studio* (back to EWT Live!)
|
|
Maelstrom
AC Slater
The Tide Will Turn!
Posts: 236
|
Post by Maelstrom on Jun 12, 2005 15:59:34 GMT -5
J.R: our cameras have caught up with Maelstrom backstage . . . *We see Maelstrom running along the corridor . . . he's muttering inaudible curses under his breath, as we get closer to the room he's heading for, low whiny murmuring is heard . . we catch brief conversation with a couple of cleaners on the way* Cleaner #1: I hope they don't leave a mess in there. . . Janitor #1: I was telling Bill, that guy was taking a huge risk. . . . *We get back to Maelstrom who has just entered the far room, its the aquarium, It is filled with thousands of people who are sitting on the floor, quietly whispering* Maelstrom: What the!? Whats going on? . . . *Maelstrom picks up a guy from the floor* Guy #1: He kept screaming that word! . . . no don't ! leave me alone! Maelstrom: Bah . . . *Maelstrom picks up another person* Maelstrom: What happened? Why are you all in my Aquarium? . . . Answer me ! Guy#2: He wanted to know . . . . I only told him I liked Chess . . . M: Who? Guy2#: the big man . . he kept shouting . . (A distant voice is heard shouting: NEEEERRRDDSS!)
*Maelstrom drops the man and puts his hand to his face* Maelstrom: OGRE! *Ogre runs in with two more people under his arms * Maelstrom: what are you doing? Ogre: NEERRDDSS! Maelstrom: I asked you to find me one . . . . who wears a ring . . . . not the entire EWT audience! Ogre: Mog? Maelstrom: I never should have asked you for such a big task . . . Drop those two people . . Drop! *Ogre drops the two members of the audience onto the floor* Maelstrom: Now there's some beer in the fridge . . . go get drunk, calm down and watch the fish . . . . Ogre: but the . . . NERDS! Maelstrom: they aren't nerds they are respectable wrestling fans . . . now . . .GO! *Ogre walks off to an empty part of the aquarium . . . While Maelstrom turns to the rest of the audience* Maelstrom: OK . . . people this current has now changed course! get out of my Aquarium . . . you all saw what happened to Jindrak last time . . . *The large crowd of EWT Audience members flee the room and return to the arena seats . . . Maelstrom helps the odd one or two who aren't quite quick enough with a slight push . . he turns to his not so clean Aquarium* Maelstrom: Dammit one guy with a ring . . . thats all I wanted . . . *Maelstrom picks up a program that one of the fans has left . . . he looks at a program for tomorrows show . . . on the front cover it says . . . Debut of Homo-Sapien Hurricane! Davemite Davies . . * Camera Fades out . . .
|
|
jzbadblood
Unicron
Christ, man. Can't you see what's happening? Can't you read between the lines?
Posts: 3,052
|
Post by jzbadblood on Jun 12, 2005 22:12:06 GMT -5
Big Shot by Billy Joel hits over the arena and backstage Jz is standing by.
Jz: LIMEY!! HEY, LIMEY!!! I tried to get your attention earlier in the week, but you must not have heard me. BASTARD!!
Jz pushes the camera man to the ground and the screen is looking up at Jz's face, and he's kneeling with a pissed off look on his face.
Jz: I'll accept your open challenge Limey, and not because I want the money...I WANT TO KICK YOUR ****ING ASS!!
He knocks over the camera to it's side and we go to commercial break.
|
|
|
Post by Toom E. Guci on Jun 12, 2005 22:47:18 GMT -5
*Toomi Bischoff rides a golf cart to the ring due to his injured leg & grabs a microphone.* You know, I have been doing some thinking & realized I haven't been fair to you fans. You deserve a damn good challenge to Addy Bomb's title. And you know what? YOU'RE GOING TO F***ING GET IT!!! And you know what? Spaz, the question is...will you ever get your shot? I don't know...you tell me. Tell me Spaz. Will you get a shot? Spaz, find out on Tuesday if you will get your title match. Why? Because, for the first time ever...EWT brings to you This Damn Tuesday Thanks to F***ing Ape LIVE on pay per view!!! And the main event will be a 3 F***ing Way Dance. And in that f***ing ring will be Spaz versus fettster versus an opponent to be named later. And why? Because, after the other night....Addy Bomb will have the night off to take care of his marital problems courtesy of that son of a b*** ape. And we will crown a NEW EWT Tri-State Champion. How? TUNE IN & FIND THE F*** OUT!!!!
|
|
|
Post by curtrok on Jun 12, 2005 23:08:46 GMT -5
*Curtrok storms into Toomi's office.*
CR: Did you see what happened out there tonight?
Did you see that injustice? Botchberg the best wrestler
on this pathetic program was cheated by the referee.
Cheated! I demand that you overtrun the decision>
TM: Curt you know I can't do that. You know the rules
better than any of the boys in the back. Its your
Knowledge of the rules and tricks that keep you around
as long as it did.
CR: Alright I don't expect you to bend the rules for me.
Next week I want him right here then in that very ring!
TM: Ha! You want Spaz next week.
CR: Now you fat tub of lard. I want that referee in the
ring next week. And I want a rematch clause for Botch
against spaz if I win.
TM: I'll think about the rematch clause but Curtrok in the ring = ratings so I'll allow it.
CR:
Break
|
|
|
Post by THE Dinobot on Jun 13, 2005 1:24:29 GMT -5
David Adams with mic in hand rushes to the ring.
Adams: Dorf....Dorf, you want to talk about MY father? You want to talk about the movie I personally put all I had on the line to get made? You want to think YOU were a big part of his life? Well, well, well, let me tell you something you injured piece of crap, you meant absolutely NOTHING to my father. You, along with that big, dumb bull Heiden-Dorf and Fuzzy weren't lucky enough to ever clean his boots, much less have a stable with him. He was doing you guys a favor, and now you want to insult me and my decisions in the film? Well, guess what, I only put you guys in the film just because I felt sorry for you. BYE!
|
|
|
Post by The Lach is very tired on Jun 13, 2005 4:11:39 GMT -5
*Spaz is sitting backstage drinking a Jim Beam & Cola when Hoss Matthews approaches.*
Hoss: Spaz your thoughts on the upcoming PPV match?
S: I have saod it before & I will say it again, it doesn't matter who you put up against me I will get the win, fettster is a washed up hoss & a mystery opponent ooohhh I'm sooo scared. Please Toomi you really have lost the plot haven't you? The sooner you realise that I am the man that is the most worthy EWT Heavyweight Champion the sooner this company is back on top of the wrestling business.
Hoss: Indeed, we will be back after these commercials.
|
|
|
Post by obi on Jun 13, 2005 9:17:01 GMT -5
*sara knocks onto toomi bischoffs office door. there is no answer. she swings the door open, and it is empty. grabbing a pen and paper she jots a note down*
ToomiBischoff
Obi will Be able to wrestle on your PPV if need be. however he will not be able to show up to the EWT arena at anytime beforehand. He is away cleaning his wounds.
Sara
|
|
|
Post by Poker Joker on Jun 13, 2005 9:18:13 GMT -5
*COMMERCIAL*
(Sappy music plays in the background. In front of a dark back drop, Billy Ubermark walks out onto the set and begins talking).
*BU*: Every day in our fair country, a crime committed. Its not always a violent crime, like murder or rape or theft, but it can hurt every bit as much. It occurs every time an individual is judged not by who they are, but by whether or not they've had sex. This crime is called "Virgin Discrimination."
(Camera switches angles. Billy walks over to a stool while he talks.)
*BU*: Hi. I'm EWT Superstar Billy Ubermark, and I know all about virgin discrimination because I've been a victim of it, myself. Virgin Discrimination hurts, no matter how its committed. Whether that be by somebody making jokes about virgins to your face, or in the work place by....oh, say.... a wrestling commssioner not giving his top superstar a title match because he's a virgin. Even laws can be examples of virgin discrimination, such as prohibiting prostitution which would help many of us lose our virginity.
(Billy takes a seat on the stool.)
*BU*: But there is hope. You. You can help fight virgin discrimination. Simply pick up your phone and call 1-800-668-5243.... That's 1-800-NOT-LAID.... to receive information on how you can fight virgin discrimination, and end the sufferings of millions of people, like me.
(Camera cuts to a close-up of Billy.)
*BU*: Remember, virgin discrimination happens all the time in American. I'm not sure how often or anything like that, but I DO know that it happens. I know, because it happens to me. Won't you please make a difference.
(Screen goes black. White letters appear on the screen reading: "FIGHT VIRGIN DISCRIMINATION: CALL 1-800-NOT-LAID!")
*ANNOUNCER*: Virgin Discrimination.... it's not like they aren't trying to get lucky. So why make fun of them. Paid for by the "Anti-Virgin Discrimination Administration." Billy Ubermark... president and only member.
(COMMERCIAL ENDS)
|
|