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Post by rnt on Nov 28, 2005 17:23:36 GMT -5
Rick Raskall is sitting on the bench on the locker room. His head is down. The camera does a close-up on him.
Raskall: That's twice. Two times in as many months, I've lost my tag partner. And all because of Curly and Big. Seems silly that we'd practically kill each other just for the sake of revenge, doesn't it?
I don't think so.
These guys crushed Marcus Trunk's throat. They crippled my girlfriend. And now, just for the sake of revenge, Marcus Trunk is in the hospital again. He may have taken out Mr. Big, but it was at the expense of his own health. I know Mr. Big is recovering from the fall from the scaffold. I know PsychoApeGuy nearly burned Curly Long to death. I know I might not see their faces in EWT for a long time.
But I know, that when they come back...
I'll be waiting.
Raskall exits the locker room.
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Curly Long
AC Slater
Midget Wrestling Master
Posts: 234
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Post by Curly Long on Nov 28, 2005 18:50:15 GMT -5
The Titantron shimmers into life and two angry eyes appear .... then a voice speaks ... a voice everyone can recognise as Curly Long's
CURLY: Rebirth they called it ....
Pause
CURLY: ... REBIRTH!!! ...
Dramatic Pause
CURLY: There is no Rebirth!! ....My scars will never heal!! .... of course the Ladies won't mind!! ... the important part survived the Fire .. heheh ...
A faint grin can be seen but nothing more
CURLY: .... but last night wasn't a time for celebration,my friends ... my Big man is down ...and whether he gets up agin ... only time will decide ...
The eyes blink
CURLY: ... As for me ... I'll let Toomi have his fun ... until the hype runs out ... heheh .... and then i'll be back!! ... you though I was nasty and sick before ? .... that was nothing .... Raskall! ... Psychoapeguy!! ... Toomi E Dangerously!!! .... saviour the moment ... for it will be Short!
The Toomitron flickers off
(cut to commercial)
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Maelstrom
AC Slater
The Tide Will Turn!
Posts: 236
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Post by Maelstrom on Nov 28, 2005 19:06:53 GMT -5
The two doors to the Aquarium swing open and out walks Maelstrom the Tri-State Title slung across his broad shoulders. A few stitches are across his forehead ... but otherwise he looks in good shape. Terri rushes up for an Interview
TERRI: Hey Maelstrom ..
MAELSTROM: Hi Terri ... lost Ultimo for the moment?
TERRI: Yeah ... he's still trying to impress me with this Toolshed ...
MAELSTROM: No offence Terri ... but I don't want to know what Ultimo gets up to in a toolshed ...
TERRI: ... RIght ..
Malestrom adjust the belt on his shoulders
TERRI: Anyway ... Rebirth was last night and you are still EWT Tri-State Champion after your match with Chance Confidence ... your thoughts?
Maelstrom flicks back his wet black hair
MAELSTROM: Well Terri, as I said before the pay-per-view, I will be a defending champion ... and thats what I did ... Chance gave his best ... but it wasn't good enough, like I new it wouldn't be .... If you go up against the current its always going to be a struggle ...
TERRI: I hear that Chance may want another shot at your title ...
MAELSTROM: Hey if that guy thinks he can just get another Title shot he better think again ... he needs to prove himself once more... but Hey i'm an equal opportunity kinda guy ... So if he wants another Ass-Kicking he can step right up ... but hey If there is anyone else out there who thinks they have what it takes to beat me ... come forward ... The Ocean isn't fickle ... It will swallow everyone up! ....
TERRI: So you'd be willing to put the Title on the line aginst more that one person?
MAELSTROM: Sure Terri ... Triple Threat, Fatal Fourway, Five-man Breakdown or a Super Six Slamboree ... I don't care ... because at the end of the day, for all those who think they can hang with me in the ring ...
Maelstrom stretches and gently grabs the Mike from Terri
MAELSTROM: ... THE TIDE WILL TURN!! ...
Maelstrom wanders off down the corridor, as Terri watches a slight smile on her face
(fade out)
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Post by girlnextdoor on Nov 28, 2005 21:33:07 GMT -5
* A dark corner of the arena, Mystery cowers in it, rocking back & forth.*
Last night, I had a dream I found myself in a desert called: CyberLand It was hot, my canteen had sprung a leak and I was thirsty.
Out of the abyss walked a cow, Diva-dorf I asked if she had anything to drink She said "I'm forbidden, to produce milk. In Cyberland we only drink DIET COKE...diet coke."
She said, Only thing to do is jump over the moon, They closed everything real down Like barns and troughs and performance spaces And replaced it all with lies and rules and virtual life.
But there is a way out (leap of faith, leap of faith) OOOoooooo Only thing to do is jump over the moon
IIIIIIIIIII've gotta get out of here It's like I'm being tied to the hood of a yellow rental truck Being packed in with fertilizer, and fuel oil Pushed over a cliff by a suicidal Mickey Mouse III've gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta gotta Find a way, to jump over the moon
Only thing to do is jump over the moon
Then, a little bull dog walked in His name, we have learned, is dorf And although he once had principles He abandoned them to live as a lapdog to a wealthy daughter of the revolution
"uh one two three that's bull" he said Ever since that cat took up the fiddle that cows been- jumping The dish and the spoon were evicted from the table and eloped She's had trouble with the milk and the moon ever since Maybe its a... female thing
'Cause who'd want to leave Cyberland anyway? Walls ain't so bad The dish and the spoon for instance, they're down on their luck THey come knocking on my doghouse door and i say, "NOT IN MY BACKYARD, UTENSILS, GO BACK TO CHINA!"
The only way out is up Diva-dorf whispered to me, "A leap of faith" Sill thirsty... parched, have some milk And I lowered myself beneath her and held my mouth to her swollen udder And sucked the sweetest milk I have ever tasted (slurp) "CLIMB ONBOARD!" she said
And as a harvest moon rose over Cyberland, we reared back And sprang into a gallop Leaping, out of orbit, i awoke singing
(leap of faith, leap of faith) OOOooo Only thing to do, only thing to is jump Only thing to do is jump over the moon Only thing to do is jump over the moon Over the moon Over the mooo Mooooooooooo MOOOOOOOOO
Moo with me moooo Come on sir mooooo mooooo mooooo moooo moooo MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO uh! thank you
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Post by Ultimo Chocula on Nov 28, 2005 22:51:16 GMT -5
(drumbeat...)
"I'm poor and I'm weird, baby! You got no time for me! I'm poor and I'm weird, baby! You got no time for me! I'm poor and I'm weird, baby! You got no time for me! I'm poor and I'm weird, baby! You got no time for me!"
(Yep, time for another Ultimo match! Whee! UC comes out from the back with the Toolbelt championship around his waist. He stands at the top of the ramp and poses, looks over his shoulder real quick, then heads down to the ring. He jumps in and poses before grabbing the mic.)
UC: "Who wants a nice fat cheeseburger?"
Crowd: "BOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!"
UC: "What? Are we at a vegan convention this week or something? Now then, before the Jolly Green Giant comes out here and shows us all six moves he knows, I would like to say a word or two to everyone's favorite alcoholic, Pow Sodapopinski. Pow, you need to realize one simple thing. You're reign as Toolshed champ? It's over! You had your little run and it was good. You beat the big bad tool guy robot thingy. Good for you. Now, it's all about me! The current and coolest Toolshed champ of all times! So if I were you I'd just give up trying to get the belt back and find solace somewhere in the bottom of a bottle. Kay? We clear on this matter? Good. Now, let's get this squash over with!"
Lillian Garcia: "And his opponent, from the Emerald City...."
UC: "He's from Seattle?"
Lillian: "Oh lord........Here is Oz!"
(Everything turns all green and out comes Kevin Nash in a wizard outfit accompanied by a guy in a rubbery wizard mask and similar get up. Oz lumbers down to the ring getting assorted giggles and guffaws from the smarks in the crowd. UC looks on at this pitiful display with an eyebrow cocked, wondering what the hell he's looking at. Oz is at the bottom of the ramp when suddenly...................................
WHAM!
The wizard accomplice just laid out Oz with a chair! Great goobily goo! He jumps in the ring with chair in hand and takes the mask off, revealing that it was Paul the whole time. Paul runs at UC and levels him with another chair shot. UC gets back up and Paul goes for another chair swing but UC ducks it and takes Paul out with a super kick in the face. UC shakes his head no and goes to pick Paul up, but suddenly Paul wraps up UC in a small package and the ref counts to three. Paul jumps up and takes back the Toolshed championship belt. He takes off up the ramp and UC follows in hot pursuit.)
(commercial for Slugs On A Stick)
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Post by Ultimo Chocula on Nov 28, 2005 23:21:48 GMT -5
Announcer: "That's Slugs On A Stick! Breakfast just got more disgusting!"
(The commercial ends and we pick up in the interviewers break room. Terri is sipping some coffee and Sum Guy just put some Pop Tarts in the toaster. Suddenly Paul and UC come charging in, followed by a referee, throwing fists at one another and knocking over everything. Sum Guy screams and runs out the door. Terri tries to cool everybody out.)
Terri: "Whoa! Guys! Break it up! You might hurt somebody!"
UC: "That's the point!"
Terri: "Will you two knock it off?!"
(Terri gets in between the two and tries to keep both men at bay.)
Paul: "Honey, you'd better tell your boyfriend here that if he doesn't keep his fat mouth shut I'll shut it for him!"
Terri: "Chill out! And he's not my boyfriend!"
UC: "Yeah! You'd better chill..........why did you have to say it like that?"
(Everybody stops fighting.)
Terri: "Like what?"
UC: "Like this. 'He's not my boyfriend!' What was that about?"
Terri: "Well, you're not."
UC: "I know I'm not but did you have to sound so snotty about it?"
Terri: "Sorry, it just came out wrong."
UC: "I get asked that all the time. 'Is Terri you're girlfriend?' they ask. And I politely say, 'No, we're just very good friends.' I don't get all weird about it. Damn, you sounded almost disgusted!"
Terri: "Look, I'm sorry, ok! You know I love ya! Well, not LOVE love but you know what I mean."
UC: "Yeah, I know."
Paul: (sick of the whole thing) "SHUT UP!"
(Paul reaches out and grabs a chair. UC instinctively grabs a chair of his own and the two are staring off holding their chairs waiting for the other to make the first move. Terri gets out from between the two before the crap goes down. Both men are holding their chairs like a couple of samurais and are just waiting to crack each other. The tension is so thick you could cut it. Then, suddenly.....................................the Pop Tarts spring up from the toaster.)
KAPOW!
(Both UC and Paul swing and crack each other in the head with their chairs simultaneously, all together, at the same time. Both hit the deck and are out cold. The referee does the classic "confused ref" bit. Terri comes back into view and looks at both men and asks the ref...)
Terri: "Which one has the title right now?"
Ref: "Paul won it about five minutes ago."
Terri: "Perfect!"
(Terri goes over to UC and tries to drag him on top of Paul to get the belt back. She grabs his arm but she slips and falls backwards, slightly banging her head on the table. She falls and lands right on top of Paul and grabs her head. The ref runs over and makes the count, 1, 2, 3. The ref grabs Terri's arm and raises it then gives he the Toolshed championship. She looks confused and stands up.)
Terri: "What just happened?"
Ref: "You just won the Toolshed title! Congratulations!"
Terri: "Wait! There's been a mistake! I was just trying to...."
Ref: "Hey, all I saw was you making a pin. I didn't see anything else. I am a WCW official after all."
Terri: "That makes sense."
(Terri takes her belt and drags UC out of the room. Paul wakes up and slowly staggers to his feet, holding his aching head. The referee gets out of Dodge before Paul loses his temper. Paul shakes the cobwebs out and suddenly realizes what happened.)
Paul: "What the?..........Aw dammit!"
(Just then Sum Guy comes back into the room.)
Sum Guy: "Is the coast clear? Hey! My Pop Tarts are done! Oh boy!"
(Paul blows his stack and levels Sum Guy with a stiff lariat. Paul then reaches into the fridge and grabs all the beer he can carry before storming off in a rage. Sum Guy staggers up.)
Sum Guy: "I'm Sum Guy and I................."
(He passes out.)
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Post by Virus aka Captain No-Nuts on Nov 29, 2005 1:15:34 GMT -5
(Virus is backstage, and is just lounging around waiting for the new match board, although he looks a little bit mad for some reason. There is no interviewer, but Virus begins to mutter audibly, oddly unaware of the camera in the room.)
I thought this entire thing would END at We Couldn't Be Arsed with a Name. But I was wrong. He pushed me to the limit. So then I wanted him at Rebirth. And I thought it would finally end there. But I was wrong again. We both turned pale and couldn't finish after we saw what Marcus Trunk had done to Mr. Big. So, for the second time in as many months, I am left unsatisified with my performance. And it's starting to piss me off.
(Virus looks up, and notices the cameraman. He gets up and stares directly into the lens.)
I know you're back here, somewhere, Bunk! I know you can hear me! I don't care what kind of match it is, I don't care when it is, I want this score SETTLED before the end of this year! And no matter where, no matter when, I can tell you one thing. You, EN Bunk, had better PREPARE... TO BE... INFECTED!
(Virus continues staring directly into the camera as we fade to commercial.)
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Post by craigkendo on Nov 29, 2005 2:45:18 GMT -5
*Backstage, in the Satanic Connection Locker room. Tony Chang and Holly Vaughn are meditating on their respective positions one the Pentagram-Ankh. Craig Kendo enters the room, slowly and methodically. Chang and Holly remain meditating until Kendo makes his way to the centre of the Pentagram-Ankh. He looks up at nothing in particular.*
Kendo: CONNECTION!!!!
*Tony Chang and Holly Vaughn suddenly stand up.*
Chang & Holly: YES, LEADER!!!!
*Craig Kendo walks slowly backwards, eventually kneeling at the head of the Pentagram-Ankh. Chang and Holly kneel also. Kendo closes his eyes, and inhales. He eventually speaks, calmly.*
Kendo: I wish to congratulate you. Through our teachings, there was nothing to save the Ice Queen from our wrath.
Holly: It was nothing personal, Leader. You simply told us to utilise our power to it's fullest, and we simply obliged our teachings.
Kendo: Even so, I feel I must express my congratulations.
Chang: (Snorts) Those heathens felt our wrath alright, Leader! I'm just sad we didn't get to do something a little worse!!!
Kendo: Indeed, Disciple.
*Kendo holds his arms out in prayer, Holly and Chang do the same. All three meditate for a few seconds before bringing their arms slowly down in unison.*
Kendo: There is a matter I wish to discuss. Observe the corner of the Icon.
*Kendo indicates to an unoccupied point of the Pentagram-Ankh (The "Icon") next to Tony Chang. Chang and Holly look at it.*
Holly: On observation, I can see no faults with the corner. It appears as flawless as the corners elsewhere on the Icon.
Kendo: Wrong. You are looking at it from a literal perspective. I wish you to look at from a wider perspective.
Chang: (After coming to a realisation) This corner...is unoccupied, Leader!!
Kendo: Excellent Disciple. And this is the matter I wish to discuss.
Holly: Leader, I apologise. I could not see our apparant flaw.
*Chang glares directly at Holly, anger in his eyes.*
Chang: "Flaw", Protege? How DARE you slander ourselves in such a way...
Kendo: DISCIPLE!!! CALM YOURSELF!!!
*Chang reluctantly takes a few deep breaths. Kendo resumes speaking.*
Kendo: It has come to my attention that that corner shan't be empty for much longer. There is a certain fighter in the EWT ranks that wishes to become....our newest Initiate.
Holly: An Initiate, Leader?
Kendo: Indeed. A strong fighter, who may prove useful in our conquest of this miserable wrestling promotion. This Initiate has brought to my attention some particular HEATHENS that may not accept us as we demand. We are to meditate on this matter further.
Chang: But Leader...who? Who is this "initiate"?
Kendo: Meditate on the matter, Disciple, and you will see.
*The Connection hold their arms out in prayer. Smoke rises from the centre of the Pentagram, and suddenly, Tony Chang gasps in surprise. He then laughs maliciously as he discovers the name of the "Initiate".*
Chang: Ah...an excellent choice, Leader. This "Initiate" will prove useful.
Holly: Indeed, Leader. Our ranks will increase, and our power will grow. Of this I am certain.
Kendo: Indeed. Let us continue to meditate.
*The Connection continue to meditate as the camera cuts away.*
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Post by The Lach is very tired on Nov 29, 2005 4:27:29 GMT -5
*Party Starter plays throughout the arena & Spaz appears at the top of the ramp with the OX Title.*
RA: Ladies & Gentlemen, now approaching the ring, From Sydney Australia, Weighing in at 216 lbs he is the New EWT OX Division Champion SPAZ!!
*Spaz walks down, he stops & points to a sign that says Spaz = Champion & gets into the ring. He grabs the mic.*
Crowd: SPAZ, SPAZ, SPAZ, SPAZ!!
S: Boy is it good to have gold again! Firstly I must thank all the Spazphiles for helping me across the line last night. Secondly I must congratulate Eddie Omega.
Crowd: BOOO!!
S: He gave me the fight of my career last night. I am glad I came out on top. I also dedicate this title win to Eddie Guererro. A man who helped shape my career! A man who put his heart & his soul into this industry. A man who I am proud to have known. *Tears start to flow.* Thank You Uncle Eddie.
Crowd: Thank You Eddie! Thank You Eddie.
*The crowd continue the chant as an emotional Spaz heads backstage.*
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Post by Gasoline: Gen. Tech Member on Nov 29, 2005 10:39:48 GMT -5
Coach: Joining me right now is none other than "Big Daddy" Gasoline. Gas, we all saw what you did to your former best friend, the Heartbreak Hitman Bret Michaels, at Rebirth. But the question is, why?
Gas: Why? I'll tell you why. Bret and I had made a deal to put our differences aside for this match. And what does he do? He goes back on his word. I told him that I would give him a Gas-powered beating if that happened, and that's exactly what I did.
Coach: Yes, but why? After all the things he's done for you, you're going to turn your back on him? He made you who you are, you know.
*Gas stares angrily at Coach*
Gas: If you're smart, you'll shut up right now, because you're one second away from a Gas-powered beating yourself.
*Gas shoves Coach out of the picture and looks into the camera*
Gas: Bret, the charades end now. I want you one-on-one for the next PPV. You started this thing, and I'm going to end it. The Gas-powered monster is on the loose, and headed straight for YOU!
*Gas walks off as we fade to commercial*
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Post by #Classic Hi-Definition X on Nov 29, 2005 10:52:19 GMT -5
*We come back from commercial to ringside where the ring is set up for The Heartbreak Hotel. "Sexy Guy" hits, and HBH walks out with Rosa. HBH is bandaged up due to the attack by Gasoline at Rebirth*
HBH: Ladies and gentlemen, it's time once again for the Heartbreak Hotel!
*Pyro goes off*
HBH: But before we get to that, I need to address something. Gas, you may have beat me down, but I'm still standing here. You didn't finish the job, therefore, you failed. And if there's one thing that the Heartbreak Hitman doesn't do, it's fail. So I accept your challenge. But this time, I WILL finish the job. I'll make sure you never set foot here in EWT again!
*Crowd boos*
HBH: And now on to the show. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Chrysta and Ms. White!
*Chrysta and Ms. White walk down to the ring. Ms. White is giggling and full of glee*
HBH: Well, it's great to have you both on the show.
*Chrysta stares emotionlessly at HBH as he offers a handshake*
HBH: Okay, let's start off with the both of you first. It seems that the both of you have been getting into a pretty close relationship. Is this true?
Chrysta: Yes...this is true.
White: Yes, that's right, Bret. But what goes on between us is our business. Nobody else's. Got it?
HBH: Geez, all I did was ask. But seriously-
Chrysta: Mr. Michaels! I insist that you stop with the subject immediately.
HBH: Alright, alright...how about we discuss the Connection? You took them on inside a broken down church, and MAN, did you get your-
Chrysta: Enough! As of the time being, I have shifted my focus off of the Connection. Let them celebrate their victory. For I have a much more important person to deal with?
HBH: And who's that? I bet it's Rosa. You want to compete against the #1 contender to prove you are worthy for the Girl Next Door title.
Chrysta: do not be ridiculous, Michaels. I would NEVER waste my time with such a female of low stadards inside the ring.
*Rosa and HBH just look in shock, Rosa throwing a fit.*
Chrysta: No. Instead, I have a much more important woman to deal with...dear, sweet, Linda Ragnal.
HBH: Ah, right, I remember now. You've screwed her of the title twice, just recently at Rebirth. Now, I'm sure everybody wants to know...what is the deal with you and Linda? You've been at her since your debut in EWT.
Chrysta: Would you truly care to know, Mr. Michaels? Because I will tell you.
*If You Close Your Eyes plays as Linda wlaks down to the ring, an angry look on her face. She rolls into the ring and takes a microphone.*
Linda: Don't...you...dare! I know what you want, Chrysta, and you are NOT sharing it with the world. I have never wanted to be associated with you! EVER!
Chrysta: linda...you know it's inevitable. You cannot let the past stay behind you for long, for soon, I shall avenge my mother, and take back what I rightfully deserve!
Linda: LIKE HELL YOU WILL!
*Linda drops the mic and clotheslines Chrysta to the ground. HBH and Rosa clear out of the ring, and let Linda and Chrysta duke it out. Ms. White pummels Linda from behind, and grabs Linda so Chrysta can lay a punch on her. Mike and Joe run down to the ring, and Ms. White lets go of Linda. She and Chrysta roll out of the ring, and walk up the ramp. Chrysta looks behind her with the emotionless glance and Linda shouts to Chrysta, "Never! You will NEVER get it!"*
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Post by Moxie loves Natalie on Nov 29, 2005 13:04:49 GMT -5
You...
Are...
Now...
Entering...
The World...
Of...
THE WARRIOR...
<The lights fade in and we see Moxie, standing in front of a colorful screen, his face painted, wearing a big brown wig, his face painted in a familiar fashion, ties around his arms, standing there in matching tights. He has tassles on his bots, and on his wrists>
Moxie: I WAS SENT IN A CAPSULE, FROM A PLACE NOT FAR FROM HERE!
I CAME HERE FOR ONE REASON, AND ONE REASON ALONE.
NOT TO ASK BUT TO GIVE, NOT TO TELL BUT TO SPEAK, NOT TO WANT BUT JUST TO SEND!
TO SEND THE POWAH OF THA WARYAAHHHHHH!!!
<Moxie raises his arms, and the tassles drop down off his biceps>
Moxie: I LOOKED ABOVE TO THE GODS AND THEY POINTED THE STINK FINGER THAT IS THE POWER OF THE WARYAH AND THEY HANDED THE POWER TO ME IN A WHITE BOX MARKED "MADE IN CHINAAAAAAAAA"!
THE POWER OF THE WARRYAHS CAN ONLY BE MULTIPLIED BY THE POWER OF PI SQUAREDDDDD!
THE FAMILY THAT I REPRESENT ONLY BREATHES THE BREATH OF BATTLE AND INSANNNNIIIITTYYYYYY!!!!!
<Moxie takes a deep breath and relaxes..>
Moxie: How does a WARYAHHH prepare for a match of a lifetime?! HOW MUST I PREPARE FOR THE BATTLE AND COMBAT THE LIKES NO ONE HAS SEEN BEFORE?!
MUST I LAY ON THE LAWN AND BE RUN OVER WITH LAWN MOWERS?!
MUST I HOLD MY BREATH AND DIVE IN THE WAHTAH UNTIL I CANNOT BREATHE NO LONGAHHHHH?!
SHOULD I GO TO THE ZOO AND FEED THA PETTING ZOO ANIMALLLLLLSSSSSS?!!!!!!!!
<Moxie relaxes, and turns away from the camera and raises his arms>
Moxie: So to you Champ-i-on Do-or-f....
WHEN THE GODS LOOKED DOWN UPON ME AS THEIR CHOSEN WARRYAH DO-OR-F THEY GAVE ME A PARCHMENT OF SARAN WRAP AND TOLD ME TO LAY DOWN THE ULTIMOXIMATE CHALLENGE!!!!
YOU WILL MEET THE ULTIMOXIMATE WARRRYAHHHH IN COMBAT! AND WHEN THE SKY TURNS RED AND THE VEINS OF THE ULTIMOXIMATE WARRYAH ARE PUMPED FULL OF THE ROCKET FUEL.... YOU WILL BECOME THE ULTIMOXIMATE SACRIFIIIIIICEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
<We fade out to black on the screen, but the camera shifts to the Ragnal's Locker Room, Mike and Joe are watching the TV.>
Mike Ragnal: ... What the Hell?
Joe Ragnal: He's completely lost it.
Mike Ragnal: I'd say...
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Post by Poker Joker on Nov 29, 2005 13:10:54 GMT -5
(The scene opens up in a livingroom. Sitting on a couch is EWT reporter Sum Guy. He is dressed up in a cheesey tweed suit and is smiling as he looks into the camera. As he begins his interview, the camera slowly zooms out from his face.)
*SUM GUY*: This is E.W.T. reporter Sum Guy with a special report. As many of you know, last month, E.W.T. superstar Billy "The Virgin" Ubermark was involved in a traumatic in-ring incident. In a match for the Tri-State Title against Maelstrom, Billy was powerbombed into a turnbuckle and then chokeslammed through a table on the outside of the ring. Needless to say, Billy suffered some serious injuries, including a concussion that has kept him on the shelf for the past month. Now, here to talk with me about his injuries and experience for the first time since that fateful day, is Billy "The Virgin" Ubermark.
(The camera keeps zooming out until it shows Billy Ubermark in the picture, as well. Billy is sitting beside Guy on the couch. He is wearing his "Fight Virgin Discrimination" t-shirt, a pair of jeans, and a neckbrace. He also has a scowl on his face, almost as though he's pouting.)
*SUM GUY*: It's a pleasure to be here with you, Billy.
*BU*: I wish I could say the same thing. You're not the one stuck with an over-sized dog collar around your neck.
*SUM GUY* (oblivious to Billy's comment): And thank you for having me into your home, by the way.
*BU*: Like I had a choice! I was sitting here catching a nap, and the next thing I know, you guys have just barged in here. You've already got your camera equipment set up. You've got microphones all over the place. (Billy takes a quick glance at Sum Guy's suit) And you're sitting beside me in a suit that a six-year-old girl wouldn't even put on a Ken doll, because it looks so stupid. (Billy suddenly looks straight forwards with a puzzled look on his face) By the way, did you turn off my t.v.?
*SUM GUY* (still smiling): As a matter of fact, I did.
(Billy rolls his eyes. His head moves slightly, but it's impeded by the brace around his neck.)
*BU*: Ah crap! Did you mess with the remote controll, too?
*SUM GUY*: Yeah. It took me a while to figure out how to work it so I could turn the t.v. off, and since you were sleeping, I didn't want to wake you up for something so trivial....
*BU* (with a hurt look on his face): Damn it! You screwed up my digital cable box. I was recording the "Naughty, Naughty Nurses: Parts 1-4" Marathon on the Pure Skin Network!
*SUM GUY*: Oh! Sorry about that. I don't think you were missing much, anyways. All I saw on the screen was a pair of women in white uniforms pouring chocolate sauce on one another. And then one took off the other one's shirt and started licking it off of her bra. Kinda boring if you ask me?
(Billy gives Guy a strange look.)
*BU*: Boring?... Are you kidding me?
*SUM GUY*: No. Why?
*BU*: Well, didn't that... you know... do anything for you?
*SUM GUY*: Not really.
*BU*: Are you sure?
*SUM GUY*: Well, it did kind of make me hungry for ice cream.
(Billy stares at Sum Guy for a couple seconds.)
*BU*: That's IT?!
*SUM GUY*: Well, maybe a Hershey's bar, too. But otherwise, yeah. Why?
*BU* (looking at Sum Guy with a wierd expression): No reason, man. No reason. Just... make sure you stay on your side of the couch. OK?
*SUM GUY*: OK. So, Billy, how have things been going for you since your injury.
*BU*: Terrible! Ever since that concussion, I've been pretty much laid up in my appartment, here. I get dizzy spells. I've blacked out once or twice. And I have to wear this stupid neckbrace, because if I move my head too much, the room starts spinning like a top in a tornado.
*SUM GUY*: Boy, that doesn't sound very fun. At least you're out of the hospital, though. How was your time in there?
*BU*: Not much better. You'd think that all the nurses would be swooning over me. I mean, here I was, this fallen mega-star in their midst. If you were in my position, wouldn't you think that these girls would be just DYING to get their hands on you?
*SUM GUY*: Hmm... Guess I'd never thought about that.
*BU* (giving Sum Guy a strange look again) No.... No, I reckon you wouldn't. But, anyways, there I was.... this famous wrestler, a former Tri-State Champion, the hottest young superstar in the E.W.T..... You KNOW that these women all want to help "tend to my needs," if you know what I mean. (Billy looks at Sum Guy, again).... Well, maybe you don't know what I mean. But, anyways.... what does the hospital do? IT KEEPS THEM AWAY FROM ME! In fact, the hospital started scheduling some of these girls so that they wouldn't be able to wait on me, and maybe even have sex with me when they realized how vaulnerable and helpless I was. I tell you, it was Virgin Discrimination from the get-go!
*SUM GUY*: Um, Billy... Are you sure this had nothing to do with the hospitals claims that you were hitting on the nurses and behaving inappropriately towards them at every chance you got? In fact, there was one incident they cited involving a box of latex gloves and hospital gown....
*BU* (cutting Guy off, quickly): That... That had nothing to do with anything! Trust me, it was Virgin Discrimination!
*SUM GUY*: What about the incident they brought up involving a packet of KY Jelly, a box of band-aids and a doctor's mask?
*BU*: I'm telling you.... VIRGIN DISCRIMINATION!
*SUM GUY*: And the incident with the....
*BU*: GET OFF IT, GUY! IT WAS VIRGIN DISCRIMINATION!!! All the way, man! That's why they kept the cute nurses away from me. In fact, then they assigned me this old hag of a nurse named Olga! UGH! She was with me night and day, because she was the only one the hospital would let answer my call light!
(Billy shakes his head in disgust, despite being hindered by the neckbrace.)
I didn't get any sponge baths from the cute nurses, or any special massages like guys get in the "Naughty, Naughty Nurses" movies. Instead, I get Olga forcing me to sit on a metal bed pan, and giving me enimas once every other day. The thought of her shoving that hose up my...uh, well..... (Billy visibly shudders).
*SUM GUY*: I don't suppose that counts as having sex does it? You know... the enimas? Then you wouldn't be a virgin anymore.
*BU* (looks at Guy with disgust): No, Sum Guy, having my ass violated with a rubber hose and a gallon of hot water because I can't take a dump doesn't qualify as "having sex." (He looks at Sum for a second.) Although, something tells me you MIGHT dig it more than I did.
*SUM GUY* (still smiling and oblivious to Billy's comments): Have you had much mail from fans wishing you well after your accident?
*BU*: No. Like they give a crap. I was one of the greatest Tri-State Champions EVER! I not only raised the bar for champions in the E.W.T., I gave them some of the best matches they've ever seen! But nobody could get past the fact that I'm a virgin, so all they cared about was my sex life, and seeing some bozo who smells like month-old tuna and lives in a fish tank damn near end my career. In fact, the only piece of mail I've had from anyone regarding my injury was that card that's sitting on the table, there.
(Sum Guy bends over and picks up the card. Its a pretty green card with pink flowers on the front. He opens it and begins reading it out loud.)
*SUM GUY*: I heard you got got injured And things are looking bleak Still I hope you've got money 'Cuz rent's due in a week.
Love, Your Landlord.
(Sum Guy looks up from the card) Hey, Billy! At least he sent you a card. He MUST be a fan.
*BU*: Oh, yeah. It sounds like he'd just LOVE to get my autograph... as long as its on the bottom of a check. At least he remembers me. Otherwise, it seems like everyone else has forgotten about me.
*SUM GUY: Anyways, Billy, the card makes a good point. Things DO look kind of bleak for you, right now. I mean, you've lost your Tri-State Title, your prestige of being an E.W.T. superstar, your place in the locker room, and even your health to an extent. About the only thing it seems like you haven't lost, is your virginity!
(Billy closes his eyes and clenches a fist. He appears to be trying to restrain his anger.)
*BU* (speaking through clinched teeth): Thank you... so VERY much for reminding me about all of that, Sum!
*SUM GUY*: No problem, Billy. So... any word on when you're coming back to the ring.
(Billy says nothing. Instead, his eyes tip downwards and he sits silently. Sum Guy turns to face the camera.)
*SUM GUY*: Well, folks. There you have it. Billy Ubermark's tragic tale in his own words. Will he ever return to the E.W.T. ring? We'll just have to wait and see. For E.W.T.'s Insider, this has been Sum Guy. (Guy turns back to face Billy.)
*SUM GUY*: Say Billy, do you have any chips around here? I'm kinda hungry.
*BU*: Sure. You barge into my appartment, disturb my sleep, ruin the program I was taping on t.v., and humiliate me in front of the world. Why don't you just go ahead and eat all my snack food, too?
*SUM GUY*: Really? Thanks Billy! Mind if I take some for the road, too? Oh, yeah.... and I'll get some stuff for my camera man, too, ok?
(Billy says nothing as Guy gets up and head over towards Billy's kitchen. Cupboard doors can be heard opening and closing as Guy and the cameraman help themselves. Suddenly, in the background, a glass is heard breaking. Billy simply puts his hand up to his forehead and closes his eyes with an anguished look on his face, as the camera fades to black.)
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Post by Toom E. Guci on Nov 29, 2005 13:43:07 GMT -5
*Toom E dangerously watches the interview with Billy Ubermark & sits down, calling his secretary into the office. She rushes in.*
Nancy, take a letter.
Nancy: Where do you want me to take it?
TED: Just write down what I say, type it uop, bring it back to me to sign, put it in an envelope, & mail it to Mr. Ubermark. Got it?
Nancy: What's his address?
TED: LOOK, I'll address the envelope. Ready?
Dear Mr. Ubermark,
Due to your recent injury as well as the Virgin Discrimination you received in the hospital, those of us here in Extreme Wrestlecrap Threaderation are behind you 100%. We wish you a speedy recovery in the travesty that was bestowed upon you in my absence under the supervision of Curly Long mishandling things in EWT.
We are also intent to give you this offer for your return. A new contract. Your current contract is still 100% valid, but with this new contract, it will entitle you to "Money In the Bank", if you catch my drift.
Money.
Girls.
Sex.
World Title Shot.
Main Eventing an EWT Pay Per View of Your Choice.
Just sign the dotted line on the enclosed contract to make everything official for your return & the One-Shot at fame, fortune, & women. The Road to the EWT Heavyweight Championship can be yours by signing, as a superstar of your talent is above & beyond the Tri-State Championship.
Sincerly,
Toom E Dangerously CEO, Extreme Wrestlecrap Threaderation
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Post by pta on Nov 29, 2005 15:08:34 GMT -5
Pomp and Circumstance starts up and the entire P.T.A. starts making their way out to the ring, the crowd responds in kind with plenty of booing.
Announcer: Ladies and Gentlemen. Please Welcome The P.T.A!
Pain, Canceler, and Confidence all enter the ring. Canceler snatches the announcer's microphone and presents it to Prinicpal Pain. Pain takes it and nods.
Principal Pain: Silence our music!
Pomp and Circumstance immediately cuts off.
Pain: Now then... you'll all notice that I have a very happy look on my face this week... and it's not just because I got to witness those idiotic Ragnals be beaten withen an inch of their lift at Rebirth! No... you see it seems your very fair and very open minded Toom E Dangerously has decided...
The crowd interrupts with more loud boosm at the mention of Toom E
Pain: Stifle yourselves you flock of ignorant animals! Don't you know never to interupt someone when they are currently speaking?!
The crowd dies down a bit after awhile. pain resumes speaking.
Pain: That's better. Anyway... it's seems our very fair Toom E Dangerously has decided that the P.T.A. deserves, not one title shot this week... but TWO! Honestly that has be an EWT first? have you ever seen an organization get two title shots in the same week? And if that's not a big enough bonus... we have the opportunity to beat the living hell... out of those damned Ragnals!
The crowd cheers at the mention of the Ragnals
Pain: The Ragnals are filth... garbage... litter. There wrestling consists of high spot after high spot after spot monkey high spots! That's not wrestling! It's going to be a privilege to rip those belts from off your waists... and into our worthy possession. Isn't that right Canceler?
The huge man simply nods.
Pain: And not only that but...
Confidence suddenly snatches the title away from Pain.
Chance: That's enough of that. What these swine should really be concerned with is that Chance Confidence... will be competing in a Lumberjack Match! Which means... I may select a few lumberjacks on the outside... and increase my chances of victory two fold... so I can finally once and for all...
Pain yanks the mike away from Confidence again.
Pain: I thought I told you and these ignorant fans that you shouldn't interrupt Principal Pain when he's speaking! I have a right mind to beat you down right here.
Chance stares down with Pain for a bit... the crowd chanting " Fight fight fight fight fight " as if to rile them up. Chance takes off his suit jacket, Canceler removing Pain's own and the two seem ready to explode. But at the last minute Pain changes his mind.
Pain: Hmmmph... well you know what Chance... if you think you're soooooo great, I'll tell you what. You want to be the big man in the P.T.A. Well... I have a wager for you. If you... somehow win the Tri-State Championship tonight from Maelstrom... i will step down and make you the leader of the P.T.A However... if you fail... then... well, you'll have to do all my small menial tasks for me for about a month! Wait... did I say a month... let's make it two.
Chance looks at Pain the chanting starting up again. Confidence smirks and grabs the mike again.
Chance: Very well... I always thought I'd make a better leader than you anyway!
Chance storms out of the ring, Pain glares and he and Canceler exit after him.
Fade to commercial for Borphoplex... the EWT official Non-Working Weight Loss Powder
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Post by Chrysta on Nov 29, 2005 17:14:01 GMT -5
*Chrysta and Ms. White are looking at the match board for this week*
White: Oh, look! I get a title against Carla O. Woe.
Chrysta: Amazing. I would never have assumed you to be in a match eventually.
White: Excuse me?
Chrysta: I brought you in as a manager, rembmer?
White: Good point. But still, not only do I get to be WWE Women's champion, but I can also get to be EWT GND champion!
*Chrysta stares emotionlessly at the match board*
White: Honey? Chrysta, you okay, sweetie?
Chrysta: I'm fine, Ms. White. But I have business to take care of with Dear Linda...
*Chrysta and Ms White walk off*
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Post by Toom E. Guci on Nov 29, 2005 17:21:07 GMT -5
*In the ring stands the newest intervuiew host, Rabbi Love stands in the ring.*
Oy vay, bruthas & sahsters. Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii lahve yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew. Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii lahve yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew. And Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii lave everybuddy, especially my first guest. Bruthas & sahsters, I give to you a very mysterious woman yet attractive woman.
Bruthas & sahsters, Sahster Maystery.
* Mystery makes her way down to the ring in a darkness. She climbs into the ring as Rabbi Love's first guest ever.*
RB: Sahster Maystery, welcome to the Rabbi Love Show. It is very much an honor to have a beautiful women of your caliber on my show.
Myst: Thank you Rabbi. I am very happy to be here, but it's to light for me. I don't like the light. I DON'T LIKE THE LIGHT!!
RB: Ok, please dim the lights for Sahster Maystery. Now, let me ask you this..what exactly did you mean by coming out at the end of Rebirth? Why were you yelling at Sahster Diva-darf?
*Suddenly, Mystery cowers up in a ball next to the podium & starts rocking back & forth, speaking.*
Myst: Diva-dorf, diva-dorf, she's not Diva-dorf. She's not Diva-dorf. I hate that name. I HATE THAT NAME!!! She hurt me with that name. She hurt me. She made me her puppet. I AM NOT A PUPPET!! I DO NOT HAVE A CRICKET FOLLOWING ME!! I HAVE NO STRINGS!!!
I knew her, oh yes I knew her. A long time ago. Little Sally Mason. Sally was my friend. She was my friend.
We played Barbie. We had tea parties. We had slumber parties. I told you a secret. Do you remember that secret Sally? Do you remember?
OF COURSE YOU REMEMBER!!! That's when your transformation started. You don't think I saw it, but I did. Rabbi Love, do you know how it feels? Do you know how it feels to have somebody use a secret against you? DO YOU?
RL: Yes, yes I do Sahster Maystery. Please, please get up. The fans, the fans...they want to see you. Please?
*Rabbi Love helps Mystery to her feet.*
RB: Oh please child, don't cry. It's unbecoming of a sewperstar of your caliber.
Myst: SHE HURT ME RABBI!!! SHE HURT ME!!! SHE USED ME!!! SHE USED ME!!!
She f***ing hates me trust she f***ing hates me la la la la I tried too hard and she tore my feelings like I had none and ripped them away
She was queen for about an hour after that s*** got sour she took all I ever had no sign of guilt no feeling of bad, no
In a trapped trip I can't grip never thought i'd be the one who'd slip then I started to realize I was living one big lie
*Mystery then suddenly turns & applies the Mandible Claw to Rabbi Love as security rushes out to pull her off him. fade to commercial.*
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Post by rnt on Nov 29, 2005 17:30:53 GMT -5
PN News comes a-hippety-hoppin' and bippety-boppin' down to the ring.
I'm PN News, and I'm here tonight To cut me a rap and give opponents a fright
I SAY YO BABY, YO BABY, YO I SAY YO BABY, YO BABY, YO
They said I'm wrestling Marcus Trunk But for him, the match at Rebirth really stunk
I SAY YO BABY, YO BABY, YO I SAY YO BABY, YO BABY, YO
He fell down, and crashed through some tables Now he's in the hospital, baby, he's disabled
I SAY YO BABY, YO BABY, YO I SAY YO BABY, YO BABY, YO
But I got no problem with him or Rick Raskall They're "o-tay", like Buckwheat the Little Rascal
I SAY YO BABY, YO BABY, YO I SAY YO BABY...
Guy in audience: You just rhymed Raskall with Rascal! That's not creative! That sucks!
Some guy in the crowd just said I suck Well, maybe I do. Okay, I quit.
I SAY YO BABY, YO BABY, YO I SAY YO BABY, YO BABY, YO
PN News exits the ring.
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Post by paulpodanski on Nov 29, 2005 17:31:18 GMT -5
Paul Podanski is standing by with... Not Sum Guy, Not Hoss Matthews, but Armbar?
Armbar: I'm armbar... and I'm here to armbar that armbarring armbarrer Armbar Ambariski!!1 armbar us armbar... how does it armbar to have armbarred your armbarshed armbarship to Armbar Chocarmbar? Armbar...
Paul looks over at armbar.
Paul: Oh heeeeeeeeeeeeell no! First Toomi hires that preacher and now this freak?! It's bad enough around here with that annoying Sum Guy.
Armbar: Hey... you don't armbar... you can go armbar yourself you armbarring armbar!!!
Paul: Let's just get this over with before I kick your armbarring ass...
Armbar nods.
Armbar: So armbar me... what I just armbarred.
Paul: What can I say? I'm pissed... Chocula... I don't know how you pinned me again after we knocked each other out. But as soon as I find you again... I'm taking back what's mine!
Armbar looks over
Armbar: Hey... arrrmmmmm Armbar didn't armbar your armbarship. It was Armbar.
Paul: Wait... what?
Armbar: Armbar armbarred your armbar when you were armconcious.
Paul: Ok forget this.
Podanski grabs Armbar and slams him into the wall behind him and walks off.
Paul: Geez... where does Toomi get his interviewers?
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Lily-Rose
Mike the Goon
Rockin' All Night.
Posts: 42
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Post by Lily-Rose on Nov 29, 2005 20:05:25 GMT -5
*Tanya Flaire is backstage with Linda Ragnal lacing up her boots. Linda is stretching for the match.*
TANYA: So who are we facing again?
LINDA: The Jumping Bomb Angels. I saw them in action once when Oceanic had her Scaffold Tables match against them.
TANYA: How'd she do?
LINDA: Pretty good. It was one of those first instances I saw her in action.
TANYA: Wow.
LINDA: No kidding. Though, I will go on record for saying I regret what happened a few months later.
TANYA: Well, it's in the past. I'm sure now Oceanic might respect you again.
LINDA: Yeah...
*Principal Pain and Canceler enter the room*
TANYA: You again.
PAIN: Surprised?
TANYA: Actually, yeah. It amazes me how you guys through me out of the PTA, yet recently you've been appearing and making me a part of some sort of plot.
PAIN: Well, we just thought we'd let you know something. We know that you hate us with a passion. So if you set a finger on either myself, Canceler, or Confidence, then we WILL be coming after you.
TANYA: Well, that's fine with me. I wouldn't touch you guys with a twelve foot stick.
PAIN: Oh, really? Well, you might want to keep that in mind as we defeat the Ragnals and win the EWT Tag team championshi-
LINDA: hey! Nobody i going to beat my brothers for those belts. In fact, I hope that Confidence does win his Tri-State title match, JUST to see the look on your face! Now get out of here!
PAIN: We were just leaving! No need for a woman to boss us around.
*Pain and Canceler exit.*
TANYA: Hey, you okay?
LINDA: YEah...I guess I'm still upset over Chrysta. I can't believe she would try and tell everybody!
TANYA: What? What was it?
LINDA:...I can't tell anybody yet, Tanya. Please realize this.
TANYA: Alright...let's go.
LINDA: Right.
*Linda and Tanya exit the locker room.*
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