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Post by sunwukong on Aug 1, 2009 22:28:48 GMT -5
Platinum Dunes are the wrong people to do a "The Birds" remake when it clearly should be Rob Zombie He'll make the birds white trash hillbillies that attack people because they were abused as children. It'll make forty seven trillion dollars.
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Post by GuyOfOwnage on Aug 1, 2009 22:35:05 GMT -5
Platinum Dunes are the wrong people to do a "The Birds" remake when it clearly should be Rob Zombie He'll make the birds white trash hillbillies that attack people because they were abused as children. It'll make forty seven trillion dollars. The birds would also be twice their normal size, suddenly learn to talk, and swear approximately 20 times per sentence.
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Post by Rorschach on Aug 1, 2009 23:56:15 GMT -5
He'll make the birds white trash hillbillies that attack people because they were abused as children. It'll make forty seven trillion dollars. The birds would also be twice their normal size, suddenly learn to talk, and swear approximately 20 times per sentence. Sooo....giant black vultures that inexplicably speak like parrots? Parrots who grew up listening to Lenny Bruce and George Carlin albums? ;D Though I think, were someone to remake this, that it would be an awesome trailer image to have a Bald Eagle just swoop down on this redneck who's fishing in a creek....a redneck who happens to be wearing one of those American flag bandannas...and just deftly snatch his eyeball out. Then the flock of ospreys descends on him..... I mean, if you're gonna do this, why the hell would it just be ONE type of bird that gets affected? Why not ALL of them? That way you'd get all sorts of aviary terrors flying around, and not just seabirds. Ravens, crows, eagles, hawks, vultures, even old lady McKenzie's little prized cockatoo...no bird is safe.
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Post by Sir Woodrow on Aug 2, 2009 0:15:23 GMT -5
The birds would also be twice their normal size, suddenly learn to talk, and swear approximately 20 times per sentence. Sooo....giant black vultures that inexplicably speak like parrots? Parrots who grew up listening to Lenny Bruce and George Carlin albums? ;D Though I think, were someone to remake this, that it would be an awesome trailer image to have a Bald Eagle just swoop down on this redneck who's fishing in a creek....a redneck who happens to be wearing one of those American flag bandannas...and just deftly snatch his eyeball out. Then the flock of ospreys descends on him..... I mean, if you're gonna do this, why the hell would it just be ONE type of bird that gets affected? Why not ALL of them? That way you'd get all sorts of aviary terrors flying around, and not just seabirds. Ravens, crows, eagles, hawks, vultures, even old lady McKenzie's little prized cockatoo...no bird is safe. Hell it doesn't have to be a remake of the Birds but I think there is gold in this idea now.
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Post by DSR on Aug 2, 2009 3:30:10 GMT -5
Eh, you got a few responses. I honestly didn't have much to contribute. I love the Friday the 13th series, I love the Creature from the Black Lagoon trilogy (I did notice that your list skewed towards more recent franchises, mostly 80s-90s fare. Halloween and Psycho started earlier, but didn't become franchises until the 80s. Not that there's anything wrong with liking the more recent stuff, just an observation). There's other franchises I like, but I don't often view those franchises as a whole, more just continually revisiting the films I liked and generally ignoring those I don't. *shrug* Well, I got one response to the actual list - two were just to congratulate me on finally buying some Lucio Fulci movies (which I'm surprised you didnt' join in on ). As for the older franchises...call me a moron, but I just generally don't like them. Never been a particularly big fan of the old-school Dracula, Frankenstein or Wolf Man franchises, and (hopefully this will get me some heat or maybe spark SOME anti-TR sentiment discussion) I hate the Godzilla movies with a passion. I don't know if I'm qualified to comment intelligently on them since I've seen 6-7 movies in the series (let's see...the original, Megalon, Sea Monster, Godzilla's Revenge, the 1985 debacle, Emmerich's turdwich - yup, that's six), but the appeal of them is just lost on me. I don't find them charming or whimsical, I don't find them scary, I don't find them funny in the campy way...just blegh. On that note, I was actually considering doing a ten most hated horror franchises list, but wanted to have some positivity in this thread, hence the ten best. Meh, that's fair. I've always just generally liked the mood and atmosphere of the Classic Universal Monsters, though now I kind of have to admit that it's been only recently that I've actually been able to see them in a way where they don't all just sort of gel together in my mind. And, while a lot of that output has proven to be more hit-and-miss than outright awesome (and I find the Bela Lugosi Dracula movie to be an insanely overrated bore), I still enjoy the movies. As for Godzilla: I can't honestly explain why I love the big lizard, but I could see how others wouldn't. I should point out, though, that a couple years back I bought the special edition, with the American cut (Godzilla: King of the Monsters) and the Japanese cut (Gojira), and now that I've seen the original cut, I find it difficult to take the version with Raymond Burr seriously. It feels like a really corny commercial for a more serious (though still flawed) work. Also, uh...BOOOOO! *throws popcorn at TR* You suck! Sorry, you asked for some heat, I thought I'd provide. ;D
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Jiren
Patti Mayonnaise
Hearts Bayformers
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Post by Jiren on Aug 2, 2009 8:22:41 GMT -5
I honestly hate the "Sleepaway Camp" series, I thought the first was a forgettable (At best) slasher movie that was only popular because of it's ending (Which I'll admit is very good).
The sequels were just dire, especially "Return" which is one of the worst movies EVER (And I'm not joking).
I'd do my own list, but no one cares what I think
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Lick Ness Monster
Dennis Stamp
From the eerie, eerie depths of Lake Okabena
Posts: 4,874
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Post by Lick Ness Monster on Aug 2, 2009 10:37:01 GMT -5
I honestly hate the "Sleepaway Camp" series, I thought the first was a forgettable (At best) slasher movie that was only popular because of it's ending (Which I'll admit is very good). The sequels were just dire, especially "Return" which is one of the worst movies EVER (And I'm not joking). I'd do my own list, but no one cares what I think Believe me, I agree with you 110% on Return to Sleepaway Camp. VERY disappointed with that one, especially considering how jazzed I was to see it. I can definitely understand why it layed dormant for so damn long - if I owned the rights to the damn thing, I wouldn't want the world watching it either. Anyway, what I think is so cool about the original Camp is that virtually everything in the movie takes on an entirely different meaning once you actually know the secret of its ending. On a second viewing, it's no longer just a cheesy slasher movie, it's a pretty damn deep exploration of sexual confusion with lots of murdering and dumb humor thrown in. ;D Also, uh...BOOOOO! *throws popcorn at TR* You suck! Yes! Also, I've only seen the American version of the original Godzilla. Maybe I should track the other cut down.
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Post by Rorschach on Aug 2, 2009 13:44:07 GMT -5
Yeah, Jaws 2 is quite good, but still a BIG dropoff from the first...but then again, what isn't? Believe it or not, I've actually come to enjoy Revenge in the train wreck sort of way that I enjoy Nail Gun Massacre, but the movie definitely deserves its legendary bad status. Another X-E tribute that you'll find funny: www.x-entertainment.com/messages/543.htmlI've read that before, but it was nice seeing it again. One thing about that article is...the writer give the film a lot of attention, and even STILL only manages to discuss a handful of the problems with that movie...of course, if you're going to cover them ALL, it's going to take a monster review a la that which Jabootu's Bad Movie Realm did on the JAWS franchise. Seriously, there's so much wrong with that movie that to cover it all....is damn near impossible with just ONE document. It's the definition of "franchise killer" for a reason. Actually, come to think of it, PD's TEXAS CHAIN SAW remake might just take that crown nowadays. It did reboot and kill off the series in one fell swoop, though it wasn't nearly as technically bad as JTR. Might have to call it a tie.... Oh, and some interesting reading, while I'm at it: www.ew.com/ew/article/0,,20293304,00.html "Horror Films and the Women Who Love Them." Discuss. ;D
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Lick Ness Monster
Dennis Stamp
From the eerie, eerie depths of Lake Okabena
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Post by Lick Ness Monster on Aug 2, 2009 14:16:41 GMT -5
I don't know quite what to make of that article. My preliminary thoughts are this: horror movies are excellent date movies, and yeah, the numbers that this article quote are likely pretty accurate, seeing as how movies like The Ring and The Grudge probably made a lot of their buck by young couples out on dates. While I was in college, I overheard a few conversations among groups of women ('cus you know I wasn't actually with 'em) mulling over the merits of the latest Saw movie. So that's my thesis - the numbers are there because there are more CASUAL female horror fans than males, but I'd be willing to bet that the males still outnumber the females by about a 4-1 margin when it comes to the hardcore level, who actively seek out old slasher movies and pepper their walls with posters of their favorite franchises. Yup, that was an autobiography.
I'll have to seek out that Jabootu review and let you know what I think. Should be fun reading.
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Post by Rorschach on Aug 2, 2009 15:09:52 GMT -5
I don't know quite what to make of that article. My preliminary thoughts are this: horror movies are excellent date movies, and yeah, the numbers that this article quote are likely pretty accurate, seeing as how movies like The Ring and The Grudge probably made a lot of their buck by young couples out on dates. While I was in college, I overheard a few conversations among groups of women ('cus you know I wasn't actually with 'em) mulling over the merits of the latest Saw movie. So that's my thesis - the numbers are there because there are more CASUAL female horror fans than males, but I'd be willing to bet that the males still outnumber the females by about a 4-1 margin when it comes to the hardcore level, who actively seek out old slasher movies and pepper their walls with posters of their favorite franchises. Yup, that was an autobiography. I'll have to seek out that Jabootu review and let you know what I think. Should be fun reading. LOL...a couple of my best friends are female, and one of them LOVES horror, while the other one doesn't mind it per se, she just isn't crazy about it to the point of having posters, pictures, memorabilia, ect. all over her place like I do. The one that loves horror actually likes the SAW movies, though she HATED both HOSTEL films with a passion, seeing them more as "movies with a lot of gross parts, but no real substance to them" to quote her. I'm trying to get her to give some of the older horror films a go, stuff from Hammer or maybe a few of the Fulci films that I've got...see what she thinks about that. As for the article, it strikes me more that EW was trying to trump up something that's not entirely there, just because there's a mainstream horror film coming out that was concieved by women. Truth be told, there have been PLENTY of female voices in horror over the years...lest we forget, Frankenstein's creator was a woman, and she spawned a cottage industry through her novel. But Mary Shelley must not be quite the touchstone that Diablo Cody is, I guess... ;D Here's that JTR link, by the way: www.jabootu.com/jawstr.htm ;D
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Jiren
Patti Mayonnaise
Hearts Bayformers
Posts: 35,163
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Post by Jiren on Aug 2, 2009 15:11:24 GMT -5
Yeah, Jaws 2 is quite good, but still a BIG dropoff from the first...but then again, what isn't? Believe it or not, I've actually come to enjoy Revenge in the train wreck sort of way that I enjoy Nail Gun Massacre, but the movie definitely deserves its legendary bad status. Another X-E tribute that you'll find funny: www.x-entertainment.com/messages/543.htmlI've read that before, but it was nice seeing it again. One thing about that article is...the writer give the film a lot of attention, and even STILL only manages to discuss a handful of the problems with that movie...of course, if you're going to cover them ALL, it's going to take a monster review a la that which Jabootu's Bad Movie Realm did on the JAWS franchise. Seriously, there's so much wrong with that movie that to cover it all....is damn near impossible with just ONE document. It's the definition of "franchise killer" for a reason. Actually, come to think of it, PD's TEXAS CHAIN SAW remake might just take that crown nowadays. It did reboot and kill off the series in one fell swoop, though it wasn't nearly as technically bad as JTR. Might have to call it a tie.... Oh, and some interesting reading, while I'm at it: www.ew.com/ew/article/0,,20293304,00.html "Horror Films and the Women Who Love Them." Discuss. ;D Hey, JTR is better than PD's TCM Reboot. At least I had some fun watching JTR, It was at it's expense but it was fun non the less. Robocop 3, THAT'S a Franchise killer (And a Career killer)
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Post by Rorschach on Aug 2, 2009 15:26:52 GMT -5
There is some debate over whether or not JTR really killed that franchise, actually. The people who claim it didn't usually state that the series didn't ever have the makings of a franchise anyway. Had JTR never been made, it's not like the series would have revived and gone on to spawn more sequels anyway, they maintain.
And I KIND OF see that logic.
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Lick Ness Monster
Dennis Stamp
From the eerie, eerie depths of Lake Okabena
Posts: 4,874
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Post by Lick Ness Monster on Aug 2, 2009 16:59:31 GMT -5
Sounds like your friend who loves horror loves it in the way that one of my female co-workers does - I was admittedly pretty jazzed when I found an honest-to-christ female who said that she was a big fan of horror movies, but just like it appears (at least from what I gleamed of your post - I may be wrong) to be with your friend. She really likes Saw and some of the more well-known recent flicks, but I brought up Suspiria and a few movies that were, you know, more than five years old and she didn't know what the hell I was talking about. Bottom line: when it comes to nerdy hobbies, I think it's safe to say that males outnumber females by quite the margin, and it's pretty telling that there aren't any (I think) female posters in these threads.
And as it turns out, there wasn't even a need to post that link - I searched it out and spent the last two hours reading the reviews of Jaws, Jaws the Revenge and The Beast (the Benchley made-for-TV abomination).
One other thing from that EW article that I thought was a little ludicrous - the line "horror movies are continuing to churn out more movies with female leads in response to this new trend" or somesuch (not exactly quoted). See also: almost every slasher movie made ever. You don't see a lot of final guys in those movies.
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erisi236
Fry's dog Seymour
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Not good! Not good! Not good!
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Post by erisi236 on Aug 2, 2009 17:31:39 GMT -5
Honestly I thought that Jaws 3 was better then part 2. Part 2 is just such a prototypical sequel, the exact same plot with more carnage, at least part 3 mixed it up a bit by changing the setting and adding the 3D gag, the part where the shark explodes and the teeth float towards the screen is worth the price of admission.
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Lick Ness Monster
Dennis Stamp
From the eerie, eerie depths of Lake Okabena
Posts: 4,874
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Post by Lick Ness Monster on Aug 2, 2009 17:38:20 GMT -5
Honestly I thought that Jaws 3 was better then part 2. Part 2 is just such a prototypical sequel, the exact same plot with more carnage, at least part 3 mixed it up a bit by changing the setting and adding the 3D gag, the part where the shark explodes and the teeth float towards the screen is worth the price of admission. OK...first, your new sig made me choke on my milk. Second, it's been a legit 10 years since I've seen Jaws 3, but I remember thinking it was a pretty decent little flick. The thing I remember the most is the hotness of a very young Leah Thompson in a bikini.
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Post by Rorschach on Aug 2, 2009 18:26:56 GMT -5
The end of that Jabootu article does provide an interesting nugget of information though...were they to WANT to do a JAWS 5....I could see a studio head seizing on the idea of a grown-up Thea Brody being the lead.
How much you want to bet that said lead would end up being Megan Fox? ;D
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erisi236
Fry's dog Seymour
... enjoys the rich, smooth taste of Camels.
Not good! Not good! Not good!
Posts: 21,904
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Post by erisi236 on Aug 2, 2009 18:31:39 GMT -5
Given how ruinous Jaws IV was added to the time's been since it was made the only thing that could be made is today a remake/boot. or maybe a prequel.
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Post by Rorschach on Aug 2, 2009 18:37:57 GMT -5
Coming Soon:
Platinum Dunes presents JAWS: The Beginning
Starring Jessica Biel, Dane Cook, Ryan Reynolds, Shia Lebeouf, and Megan Fox.
The story centers around a young Bruce the Shark before he came to Amity, and his attempts to eat a pair of vacationing couples (Biel and Cook, along with Lebeouf and Fox) and thier oceanographer sidekick, Matt Hooper (Reynolds). The big climax comes when the shark tries to drag Biel into the water a la Quint, but she chops one of his fins off instead and escapes to shore along with Hooper.
Oh dear God....I've given them another idea, haven't I? ;D
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Jiren
Patti Mayonnaise
Hearts Bayformers
Posts: 35,163
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Post by Jiren on Aug 2, 2009 18:40:53 GMT -5
How much you want to bet that said lead would end up being Megan Fox? ;D Please god NO!!!!!!!
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Lick Ness Monster
Dennis Stamp
From the eerie, eerie depths of Lake Okabena
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Post by Lick Ness Monster on Aug 2, 2009 19:11:11 GMT -5
So if they decided to do a grown-up Thea Brody Jaws flick, which would mean that Jaws: The Revenge is canon, how many years would the Jaws movies cover? Since Sean is a 5-6 year old in the original movie, and is in his late 20s-early 30s when he's chomped in JTR, that's about 25 years right there...add in another 15-20 years to age Thea and you're talking the freaking Godfather of horror franchises.
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