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Post by bibboid on Mar 30, 2010 22:49:34 GMT -5
A guy goes into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender serves him, but when he turns away he hears a crash and turns back to find they guys beer glass spilled all over the bar. "It's not my fault. Really," the guy says. The bartender cleans up the mess and puts a fresh beer in front of the guy. He steps back and sees a tiny man hop up on the bar, kick over the glass of beer, snicker and then jump back under the bar. "What the hell?" asks the stunned bartender. "It all started about a month ago," the guy explains. "I was walking along the beach and found a magic lamp in the sand. I rubbed it and a genie popped out and told me he would grant me one wish." "And what did you wish for?" asked the bartender. The guys blushes and shrugs and says, "A twelve inch prick."
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Post by Orange on Mar 30, 2010 22:51:56 GMT -5
Knock knock who's there? Whiskey whiskey who? whiskey opens the door?
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smokinvokoun
Dennis Stamp
Daffy's Gonna Kill You
Posts: 4,770
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Post by smokinvokoun on Mar 31, 2010 1:13:40 GMT -5
Here's the oldest one I can remember.... Why did the football coach go to the bank? {Spoiler}He wanted to get his quarterback. {Spoiler}Chirp Chirp Chirp
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Post by Real Folk Bruce on Mar 31, 2010 1:48:51 GMT -5
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little which made him rather frail and with his odd diet he suffered from bad breath. This made him..... ... ... ...a super calloused fragile mystic vexed by halitosis. How did this get no-sold?! This is pure genius.
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Post by SsnakeBite, the No1 Frenchman on Mar 31, 2010 5:12:39 GMT -5
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Boo.
Boo who?
You f'n pussy.
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Mozenrath
FANatic
Foppery and Whim
Speedy Speed Boy
Posts: 121,955
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Post by Mozenrath on Mar 31, 2010 8:45:04 GMT -5
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little which made him rather frail and with his odd diet he suffered from bad breath. This made him..... ... ... ...a super calloused fragile mystic vexed by halitosis. Where did you hear that one? That's hilarious.
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Gus Richlen: Ruffian
Patti Mayonnaise
Metal Maestro: Co-winner of the FAN Idol Throwdown!
BAU BAU
Posts: 39,142
Member is Online
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Post by Gus Richlen: Ruffian on Mar 31, 2010 10:45:58 GMT -5
the board of directers at Hanes sat in shock as the ceo tearfully announced the closing of the udnerwear division. to be brief, the board sat in disbelief as the chief, in grief, briefly briefed on the brief briefs.
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Post by SsnakeBite, the No1 Frenchman on Mar 31, 2010 11:10:55 GMT -5
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Post by Ash Kingston on Mar 31, 2010 11:21:14 GMT -5
If you want horrible puns, go read some of the later Xanth novels by Piers Anthony. There's enough bad puns in each book to kill a man with a low tolerance for them. >_>
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Post by ani on Mar 31, 2010 11:26:51 GMT -5
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little which made him rather frail and with his odd diet he suffered from bad breath. This made him..... ... ... ...a super calloused fragile mystic vexed by halitosis. Where did you hear that one? That's hilarious. I'd like to know too. This is the second time I've heard it this week.
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Post by bibboid on Mar 31, 2010 12:16:41 GMT -5
Where did you hear that one? That's hilarious. I'd like to know too. This is the second time I've heard it this week. It was from one of those "Here's a bunch of jokes" e-mails that my dad sent me four or five years ago. Another one from that is: A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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hassanchop
Grimlock
Who are you to doubt Belldandy?
Posts: 14,910
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Post by hassanchop on Mar 31, 2010 15:53:06 GMT -5
It was my first day as a fireman, I felt I was too hot for the job, then I realize couldn't really keep the fire from spreading, the chief was steaming up and went flaming mad, so I decided to face the heat, and after that I was fired.
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Sajoa Moe
Patti Mayonnaise
Did you get that thing I sent ya?
A man without gimmick.
Posts: 39,683
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Post by Sajoa Moe on Mar 31, 2010 17:43:01 GMT -5
What did Christopher Lloyd say after wrestling Mitsuharu Misawa? {Spoiler}I WAS FROSIONED TODAY!!
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Goldenbane
Hank Scorpio
THE G.D. Goldenbane
Posts: 7,331
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Post by Goldenbane on Mar 31, 2010 18:27:42 GMT -5
What did Christopher Lloyd say after wrestling Mitsuharu Misawa? {Spoiler}I WAS FROSIONED TODAY!! What's the opposite of Christopher Walken? CHRISTOPHER REEVES!! Haw haw haw haw....what...too soon?
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Post by G✇JI☈A on Mar 31, 2010 18:29:36 GMT -5
Too many Grizzlies outside. I can't BEAR it.
*gets dragged out of thread*
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Post by Beets by Schrute on Mar 31, 2010 18:37:12 GMT -5
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Post by Ultimo Chocula on Mar 31, 2010 18:40:16 GMT -5
Arnold Swartzenegger was interviewed by Entertainment Weekly about what he'll do when his run as governor of California was over. Arnold said he was going to do a film biography about one of the most well known pianists in music. When asked which pianist he'll be playing Arnold replied, "I'll be Bach."
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Post by bibboid on Apr 1, 2010 16:20:52 GMT -5
A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named Ahmal. The other goes to a family in Spain and they name him Juan. Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! You've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
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Post by BoilerRoomBrawler on Apr 1, 2010 18:53:02 GMT -5
Here's one I remember someone posting somewhere, maybe even here.
Ahem...
"Arnold Schwarzenegger should play Namor the Sub-Mariner and there should be a mystery villain and everyone insists that its the undersea supervillain Atuma.
"It's Atuma" this, "It's Atuma" that, when Namor says, "It's not Atuma!"
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Post by ani on Apr 1, 2010 18:54:45 GMT -5
Arnold Swartzenegger was interviewed by Entertainment Weekly about what he'll do when his run as governor of California was over. Arnold said he was going to do a film biography about one of the most well known pianists in music. When asked which pianist he'll be playing Arnold replied, "I'll be Bach." Time to play Captain Nerd here! Bach was an organist and the piano was not around until his later years.
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