FAWA Promos #16

[Oak: Certified Jade Hater]

War? Let me tell you about war, General.

War is what I went through to win the Television title over a year ago. War was Battlebowl. War was my match against Gus Richlen for the FAWA Heavyweight Title.

And I did more than just survive those wars. I won. I thrived. It's kill or be killed, and if I was going to be the man you see before you today, I needed to be the hunter. The man that would fight tooth and nail, who would give three punches for every one that was taken. I showed Potato what Michael Hayden was capable of, I proved that I was more than a "wet behind the ears" rookie, and I showed everyone that I deserved to be called the champion.

It's been a while since I held my FAWA Title, a title that was taken from me by force. I admit, after I had to relinquish my title, I was lost. I wandered aimlessly, as if in a daze. Hell, even when I won something, I ended up fired! Gone from this company! And look at me now. One match, just one single match away from reclaiming the title I never lost.

You don't want to be a joke, well I'm not laughing. This triple threat match is as important to me as anything else I've done during my time here. I want my title, a title I never truly lost back around my waist, and no one is going to stop me. Not you, not Martin, not Connor, not Antihero.

No one.

[Some Baritone guy IS REDEEMED!]

So Hayden please tell me if you win at Battle Bowl, what's keeping me from cashing in Money in the Bank to absolutely destroy your dreams again? Why also would I not do that? I mean you completely ruined my moment when I won the contract so why shouldn't I ruin yours? You act like you've been screwed every time you do something so let me ask you this. How is it you can justify that you received 2 opportunities at the world title before I even got one? How is it you act like you're so much better than me? Is it because you've headlined Gookermania? Well who knows maybe I would have too if I'd actually gotten a spot in the Battle Bowl last year. It just seems to me Hayden you're always a victim in your mind, yes you were screwed out of the TV title, yes Richlen unfairly targeted you for no real reason, yes you got fired and I got a world title shot. But do you know what you selfish prick? Why shouldn't it have been me who got the shot? It took you three shots to get that belt around your waist, I haven't even gotten two shots! To be honest who grabbed the briefcase? YOU! Could I have very easily gotten the pink slip? ABSOLUTELY! Would I have been happy if I'd been fired? NO! But I wouldn't have ruined your moment because of it!

But regardless I'm not going to ruin your moment if you win the title at Battle Bowl, If you do I'll embarrass you at Gookermania and prove that I once and for all am better than you! Because this year I'm winning Battle Bowl and I'll either humiliate you, and win the title, or win the title while you lament what could have been.

[The Man They Call Asher]

Battlebowl huh?

A ten man battle royal for a shot at the World Heavyweight Championship on the biggest show of the year? That'd be quite a way to make a statement, don't you think?

Well unfortunately for my partner, Mr. S, that's just not in the cards for me. And trust me, it's not that a shot at the title doesn't appeal to me, hell I'd love to win Battlebowl and trade shots with the world champ and walk home with some gold around my waist. No the thing is, last week I made a promise, didn't I?

Yeah, Jeremy Dupoe... Bet you're feeling pretty smug right now huh? Sitting there with your wife-to-be Ophelia, thinking to yourself “Who's this rookie who thinks he can come after me?”. You've even got BRB in your pocket thanks to a little black magic, that's quite an advantage. But here's the thing:

No one's untouchable, Jeremy. Not even you. See you might think you're safe with your little cult and your magic book and your pal Disturbance, but between that and the Reign of Chaos, you've given me everything I need.

You've built yourself a house of cards, Jeremy. And I'll be the one that sends it crashing down. It's already begun too, you're just too ignorant to see it. Take this tag match for instance. Where's your partner, Jeremy? D'you know where he is right now? How about Ophelia? Is she safe at home there in Arkham, Mass?

Don't count on it, Jeremy.

I'm coming.

[Seth Drakin of Monster Crap]

It has been a while since I have been on NiteRaw in a booked wrestling capacity. I think the last time was the NiteRaw before Summerfest and in that match, The Hydra of Evil was victorious against the now gone Gus Richlen and the man who can never beat me, Michael Hayden. This match will decide if we get our rematch against the team that believes they are the best, but only proved that they are just some punks with props. But the good news is MiscreAnt and I get to get revenge with our opponents. I get my chance to get my hands on Connor Mackenzie, who took the world title and MiscreAnt gets to get his hands on Antihero in a fair fight and not some cheap shot.

So Connor and Antihero, you are going to be in the fight of your life and you will lose because the true best team in this company, they sin with a grin.

Oh and Jonathan, I'm waiting for your answer.

[Oak: Certified Jade Hater]

Aug 17, 2013 20:30:26 GMT -5 Some Baritone guy IS REDEEMED! said:

So Hayden please tell me if you win at Battle Bowl, what's keeping me from cashing in Money in the Bank to absolutely destroy your dreams again? Why also would I not do that? I mean you completely ruined my moment when I won the contract so why shouldn't I ruin yours? You act like you've been screwed every time you do something so let me ask you this. How is it you can justify that you received 2 opportunities at the world title before I even got one? How is it you act like you're so much better than me? Is it because you've headlined Gookermania? Well who knows maybe I would have too if I'd actually gotten a spot in the Battle Bowl last year. It just seems to me Hayden you're always a victim in your mind, yes you were screwed out of the TV title, yes Richlen unfairly targeted you for no real reason, yes you got fired and I got a world title shot. But do you know what you selfish prick? Why shouldn't it have been me who got the shot? It took you three shots to get that belt around your waist, I haven't even gotten two shots! To be honest who grabbed the briefcase? YOU! Could I have very easily gotten the pink slip? ABSOLUTELY! Would I have been happy if I'd been fired? NO! But I wouldn't have ruined your moment because of it!

But regardless I'm not going to ruin your moment if you win the title at Battle Bowl, If you do I'll embarrass you at Gookermania and prove that I once and for all am better than you! Because this year I'm winning Battle Bowl and I'll either humiliate you, and win the title, or win the title while you lament what could have been.

Should I win at Battlebowl, I can guarantee you won't be able to cash in. Mainly because I'm not letting you take that title from me.

See, the reason I got three shots was because they were earned. I won Battlebowl, I wasn't pinned or made to submit at Gookermania, and I beat you, Jason Flynn, and Connor Mackenzie en route to becoming the Lord of the Ring. You can hate all you want, but I earned my shots.

As for you, I didn't hear any complaining when you were the Freakin Awesome Champ. Nor did I hear complaining when you were a two time Freakin Awesome Champ. So the whole "woe is me" thing, while nice, doesn't really fit.

Now, yeah, I grabbed the wrong briefcase, and I ended up with the pink slip. And during my rage, I may have ruined what you feel is your moment. So I suggest you make a new one. Win Battlebowl. Get to the main event of Gookermania. Let that be the moment where you make your name. Because at Gookermania, I will do what I should have done last year: Leave with the FAWA Heavyweight Title. No matter who I'm going up against.

[BoilerRoomBrawler]

BOIRAA RUUMU BURAARA: Kingusuree-san, I have fight foh fyuu weeksu now wid no payshecku. Deesutoorlubanzu, dat eebilru supeerleetu hoo tayk obah Buraara-sama, he not pay me foh my wohk hee een eff-ay-dubba-yoo-ay.

I am getting apprehensib abowt my fuchah hee. Onlree a fyuu moh pausheckso befoh I rleeb on suturleetso! I fight, but naht at fohlru suturlengd!

Yoo weelru get Helru furlohm me dees Nightohrlah, Keenguzulree-san, butto I hope I get payshecku. I woolrdo eeben axeptu Amehrleecon sheezuboorgah!

[TMK]

Last week on Niteraw I overcame the odds. It may seem like I had a fair match, two vs two, but the deck was stacked against me from the beginning. Yet despite having a partner I couldn't rely on and despite the formidable duo in the opposite corner...I won. I won and I took the first step to cementing my legacy in the FAWA. Sure the record books may credit the victory to the TEAM of Tobias Kingsley and The Dream but I know and even the FAWA sheep herd know that I beat three men that night. It was 3-on-1 and that STILL wasn't enough to stop me. Brian Alexander? You're a strong guy...but not strong enough. BoRaBu? I'll get back to you. Dream? If you think you're capitalising on MY victory and winning the Battlebowl then DREAM ON. You should consider yourself lucky I didn't take that tag belt you're so fond of and smash it into your face. You're worse than a joke, you're a symbol to all fans and there's absolutely nothing funny about that. You rely on them to win matches for you just like you had to rely on me to carry you into the Battlebowl. Well you're in for a very rude awakening because as easy as I brought you in I can take you out.

Moving on to BoRaBu, my esteemed opponent for next Niteraw. I'm curious as to what makes you think you have a chance of beating me 1-on-1 when you couldn't even manage it with help last week? There's confidence and then there's naivety. Don't get me wrong, you're a seasoned fighter and you hit pretty hard...just not hard enough. Everything you learned in Japan still wont be enough to prepare for what I have in store for you. You see, I really want that television title. I want it bad. I want it enough to seriously hurt you. That television title guarantees that I'll be on every Niteraw, every week, and that will upset a lot of people. Simply put, the idea of me holding that title belt would piss a LOT of people off...and that's what I live for. The idea of me being the face of FAWA TV would disgust the world because how can someone like me carry that belt around?

With ease.

[BoilerRoomBrawler]

DISTURBANCE!BRB: Paychecks? Oh, I guess you were contracted, Buraara. Unfortunately, "Buraara sama's" body here is under new management. Way I see it, you keep losing matches since you moved up from the enhancement talent. Try winning some matches for once.

Speaking of American cheezeburgers, I feel like gorging myself on those tonight. I forgot why you meatbags eat until you spoke up Buraara.

Good luck facing Kingsley. I did not contract you. I got seals to break. Ready when you are, Dupoe.

[Deleted]

Please Antihero continue to focus on Hayden as we inch ever so closer to our match on Niteraw. The number one contenders match for the tag team titles. Anti you continue to amuse me. I could see the rage in your face when I popped on the titian tron. Yet this is the first time you have me in a scheduled match and you continue to prove that I still have so much more to torment you with.

Anti there is no team better than Seth and I. We proved it for weeks. Yet those titles were stolen from us because of you. Connor, considering how unstable Antihero is you might as well not come to the ring. It will give you more rest as we inch closer to Battlebowl. Where I will walk out with one half of the tag titles as well as a shot at you. Or maybe someone will beat you at Nattlebowl. We will see.

I look forward to Niteraw. Hope you are as well Antihero

[chasermcgrady]

*Camera reveals Hardcore Hensley playing a video game in the locker room. Some Guy waltzes in.*

SG: Did you no show your title match?

HH: Nope, played my part. What's wrong with you?

SG: Forget it, what are you playing?

HH: MLB: The Show...09

SG: All the money, and you're playing a four some year old-out of date game?

HH: Ha ha, foursome...

*Guy sits down next to Hensley, staring blankly at him in a state of bewilderment. Hensley turns to him.*

SG: Are you f****** kidding me...

HH: I'm in like my fifteenth season bro...

SG: Whatever, Ben Affleck?

HH: Eh, I'm content.

SG: You didn't like Daredevil!

HH: I liked The Town!

SG: What's the new plan?

HH: Same plan.

SG: Same plan?

HH: Same plan.

SG: Refresh me on the plan, please.

HH: He beat me at my own game, I get to try him in his.

SG: If you couldn't handle him in a brawl, how exactly are you going to best him in whichever environment he elects? Better yet, why would he even agree to a rematch with you?

HH: He's not a coward...

SG: My first question?

*Hensley cusps Guy's shoulder, flashing his customary s***** grin.*

HH: All apart of my plan.

*Guy jerks the PS3 controller out of his grasp.*

SG: What the s***!

HH: Dude, I'm at the plate!

SG: You're a pitcher! What's your deal with this S?

HH: I don't have any deal with him...

SG: Somebody does...

HH: Somebody...

*Hensley smacks Guy over the head.*

HH: Don't ever jerk nothing out of my hand again you psycho!

*Commercials for Saints Row IV and Madden 25 ensue.*

[Some Baritone guy IS REDEEMED!]

*Antihero is throwing everything that isn't nailed down backstage

What the hell was that Connor? We could be challenging for the Tag Titles now if you'd just accept what needs to be done to take care of this Hydra! This company could be rid of part of the evils that beset it but apparently, doing what has to be done is wrong now? Tell me this are you FAWA or are you Hydra of Evil? Jesse King raised a good question for once, Who's side are you on?

If I stand alone in this fight, fine so be it. If anyone tries to get in my way you're my enemy, and an enemy receives the treatment the Hydra of evil receives.

[General Adam]

I am just one step closer to finally becoming a legend in the FAWA. I am just one step away from becoming the world heavyweight champion. I am just one step away from having a title that as eluded me for many years. With all due respect Connor it is now my time to have that title around my waist. You're and very wrestler Connor I will say that, but you're going aganist a man that has everything to gain and nothing to lose. I am going to slay the dragon at Battlebowl and I am going to be the next world heavyweight champion and I am going to become the legend that I deserve to be.

[Jeremy Dupoe]

Congratulations David, you wanted my attention, and you got it. Hanging the easily replaced is one thing, attacking me is another. Get your ass in the ring next week, lets talk. Oh and thank you for breaking Netts neck, its quite annoying trying to remove a soul from a paralyzed body.

[Connor Mackenzie]

*Connor is in the Parts Unknown Arena after the show has long been over. Walking down the entry ramp he has the FAWA Heavyweight title over his shoulder as he looks around the empty arena, looking at the empty seats which just a few hours before were filled. Slowly moving up the ring steps he gets into the ring and looks around once more before moving to a turnbuckle and moves to sit on the top of it.*

CM: Sometimes it’s almost peaceful to come out here like this. Just look around. Sort of gives me a scope of things. Put things in perspective. It’s humbling in a way. You ever count the seats in here? I started to once and once I got to around a thousand or so I just thought it best to stop since that was just a portion of this lower bowl. But to think…week in and week out this arena, those seats…have people in them every week. People who come here looking to see what happens next. Bring their kids here, their friends to see what will go on this week in the FAWA. Only now…it’s chaos.

*Connor slings a leg around and sits in reverse on the turnbuckle as he looks out at the empty seats.

CM: Madness has consumed the Freakin’ Awesome Wrestling Association. And it started when I became the World Heavyweight Champion…

*Connor moves to hold the belt in front of him before setting it down on his lap.*

CM: Almost as soon as the bell was rung. After working so hard for so long and once I got to the top it’s like the base just started crumbling away. Guys like Antihero, guys who I respected are taking this age of instability and unrest as a chance to settle long overdue scores. This past week I told Anti I didn’t want any part of that. Not the way he wanted to do it. Anti I respected you, respected what you had done and how you had done it. But now…now I see you slowly becoming what you think you need to in order to prove you are the better ant compared to Misc. The thing you’re failing to realize is you already were the better ant but now Misc has gotten you so worked up, gotten you so warped that you think you need to lower yourself to his standards. That you need to meet him down in the dirt and mud to beat him.

*Connor looks around the arena now, taking it in as he takes a deep breath.*

CM: And as for you General…William. Mr. Anderson if you prefer. You’ve already had my respect. You were the longest reigning hardcore champion in this companies history. You wore that honour with pride. You’ve made a name for yourself for being extreme and hardcore and tough as nails. And now…now you’ve maybe even ruined some guy’s career and you didn’t even blink an eye. The rules have changed. They’re in your favour. Or as you and many would believe. You cling to the notion that without rules that there is no filter, no invisible hand to stop you for from taking all the risks, going to the most extreme to get what you want. Frankly General. I think it’s going to blind you. Because while you are looking at what you will do next, what rule you will break, what risk you will take…I’ll be right here, in this ring living by my rules. The rules that got me here. The rules that got me this…

*Connor holds up the Heavyweight title before looking over his shoulder.*

CM: And it’s my rules that allow me to be the best in the FAWA. The best wrestler in this company. Not just today, or yesterday, or last month. Being the World Heavyweight Champion doesn’t make me stop. It doesn’t make me take a break or resign myself to saying I’ve done it all. Because I am not going to stop. I am not going to lay down for you or anybody just because you say you’re going to make me. I am going to Battlebowl to battle for this title, for the people who fill this arena and I’m going to show you and all of them and everyone who watches that while some rules are made to be broken. My rules are golden.

[The Man They Call Asher]

Aug 24, 2013 10:55:25 GMT -5 Jeremy Dupoe said:

Congratulations David, you wanted my attention, and you got it. Hanging the easily replaced is one thing, attacking me is another. Get your ass in the ring next week, lets talk. Oh and thank you for breaking Netts neck, its quite annoying trying to remove a soul from a paralyzed body.

"Lets... Talk." Hmm, now there's an interesting proposition. Surely you don't want me to come down there into that ring with you just for a bit of the old face-to-face, do you? This whole thing screams ambush but y'know what? I'll bite.

I'll see you at Niteraw, Jeremy.

[Jeremy Dupoe]

Aug 24, 2013 18:20:39 GMT -5 The Man They Call Asher said:

Aug 24, 2013 10:55:25 GMT -5 Jeremy Dupoe said:

Congratulations David, you wanted my attention, and you got it. Hanging the easily replaced is one thing, attacking me is another. Get your ass in the ring next week, lets talk. Oh and thank you for breaking Netts neck, its quite annoying trying to remove a soul from a paralyzed body.

"Lets... Talk." Hmm, now there's an interesting proposition. Surely you don't want me to come down there into that ring with you just for a bit of the old face-to-face, do you? This whole thing screams ambush but y'know what? I'll bite.

I'll see you at Niteraw, Jeremy.

My main enforcer is currently getting put in a new body, my fiancee is busy watching over the ritual making sure no number of horrible creatures from beyond the realm of human understanding get loose. Its hard to ambush someone with only 2 people David when they come out together.

[TMK]

What did I tell you, BoRaBu? I told you that you were beneath me, that you just couldn't hit hard enough, that you just couldn't move fast enough, that you just flat out could not beat me and what happened? You were left laying on your back with yet another loss and yet another missed paycheque. Next time take note, I don't say these things just to hear my own voice, I say them because they are true. I am an honest man and a better man than you, not to mention the rest of the FAWA Galaxy and the rest of those vermin populating the locker-room. I understand, BoRaBu, that you may be angry, that you feel as though you're not being recognised for your worth...but don't think like that, because truth is you are worthless. Here's a dollar, go buy yourself a bucket to collect all those tears.

Mr. S, you have something that belongs to me. Sure, it may have your name on it, but that's just a temporary arrangement. You've done a good job keeping that belt warm for me and now I suggest at Niteraw you lay down in the centre of that ring, allow me to take my well-deserved victory, hand the Television title over to me and say "thank you, sir." Otherwise, I'll just have to take it from you the hard way. You wont like the hard way. You want money? I have plenty...but to give it to you would just be throwing it away. You haven't earned it and you don't deserve it. You either lay down or I see to it that you stay down, permanently. I'll take great pleasure in holding that title, great pleasure in unsettling all these "beloved" fans and perhaps even greater pleasure in ending your miserably short reign, along with both your wrestling and bounty hunting career if I feel the need to. The TV title is just the first step to solidifying the Kingsley legacy in the FAWA and I'll be damned if I let anyone stand in my way.

The second step will be winning the Battlebowl and this brings me to you, Connor Mackenzie. I hope, I beg, I prey you manage to keep hold of that title against General William Anderson. A snake like you should be able to find some way. But if you do then that victory will be very short-lived because your reign will end at Gookermania at the hands of yours truly. And what a fitting end it would be. Connor, you say FAWA has descended into madness well my question for you is who better to survive that madness than me? Who better to brave the chaos? Who better to lead the vermin? See, Jeremy Dupoe, for all his parlour tricks, demonic rituals and evil spirits has overlooked the real monster that lurks in the FAWA locker-room. Reign of Chaos? Nah, it's the Reign of Kingsley.

You know there's an old saying; "there's nothing to fear except fear itself". Well I AM FEAR ITSELF! I am the physical incarnation of all your fears, one that towers above all men, and my boots will be stained red from all the people I step on to cement my legacy and claim the FAWA in the name of Tobias Madoc Kinglsey!

[Waffel113]

Well, if you've come to hear me bitch about losing the World Championship #1 Contender's Match, you've come to the wrong place. My mind is all on next week, and for very good reason. That's the V1. That is our first title defense, and I'll be damned if I go to BattleBowl without this belt.

You know, for props, it sure seems like you want these back, so I'll give you credit. Beating the World Champion ain't the easiest thing in the world, so yeah, props and whatever. But Seth, Misc, I wasn't raised to go down without a fight. If The Dream and I have anything to say about it next week, we are not letting these titles go back under Hydra control so soon. I haven't worked my ass off day in and day out only to go down in round one! You cut off the head of a Hydra, two more grow in it's place. Well looks like I've gotta burn the stalks one more time.

[Oak: Certified Jade Hater]

AND THE DREAM DEFINITELY HAS SOMETHING TO SAY ABOUT IT SCOTTY!

Granted, your hero and mine has not been as vocal as he would like to be. But with this PSA deal I inked, apparently the suits want me to save my precious voice. Who else is going to shill the delicious footlongs from Subway or mention how, just like Nike, The Dream just does it? Seth and Miscellanious couldn't bring the pizzazz, Connor's busy being a title holder, and everyone else has Battlebowl. The Dream is needed!

But when it comes to championship duties, The Dream says nuts to that deal! I have a moral obligation to make fun of my opponents on a weekly basis, and by golly, I can't miss this opportunity to make jokes! They are the backbone of my tenure here in FAWA, and without the jokes, I might as well not even wrestle!

But enough with the quiet reflection on my life. It's time for shit talking! For insults! For mocking our opponents because that's what we do!

Um.... we beat you before, and we'll beat you again. Jerks.

*Awkward pause.

Wait for it....*

OH! BURN! YOU'VE DONE IT AGAIN DREAM, YOU VERBALLY DESTROYED THEM!

*The Dream smiles wide before dancing off, obviously pleased with himself.

Hey, he's been busy lately. Cut him some slack.*

[Seth Drakin of Monster Crap]

Last show, we beat Antihero and Connor Mackenzie where we debuted our new tag team finisher that well, we don't have a name for it yet. But I will acknowledge that there may not have been the opening if Antihero and Connor didn't have that issue they had with each other. But that is why MiscreAnt and I are the best tag team in this company. We get along and have the same viewpoint of whatever happens, both of us will not lose a moment's sleep over what happens.

Dream & Scott Martin, this coming NiteRaw.....we are going to show why we are the best tag team in the company. The Hydra of Evil will be nothing like the team that wants to be Greg Valentine and Brutus Beefcake. In fact, we will be better than those wannabes because we have that reality of what is good for the gander is good for the goose. The tag titles are going back around our waists and you can try to stop us, but you will fail.