FAWA Promos #16

[Deleted]

*We cut to Evil M*

Well, it's been quite a while since I've addressed the FAWA Galaxy. The last several weeks have been quite interesting, however. After my cage match with Jordan Mac, I was attacked by his gang of thugs. But the big shocker was who came out to help me? None other than Jonathan Michaels.

My past with ol' Jono is well-documented, I was his mentor, he beat me for the Hardcore Championship, I stalked his girlfriend, he threw me off a rusty scaffold, I beat him for the Championship of Honor, his girlfriend's father hand-picked me to marry his daughter, Hideo had a heart attack, then finally, Jono beat me in a last man standing in a cage match.

So imagine my shock when he, of all people, made the save for me. Not that I wasn't grateful, of course. But our reunion as a team was not exactly an affair to remember, as we were beaten by Jordan Mac and Michael Hayden. And of course Mac found his way into ANOTHER World Championship match. But that's fine. Because even though we loss, teaming up with Jono again reminded me of the glory days of this company. And some of the great tag teams this company used to have.

Justice and Providence
The Southwest Connection
Stryker Duck Silence
The Non-American Heroes
Voodoo Champagne
The Human Hate Machines
Ryan Blood and Johnny Stone

Jono, we've spent plenty of time beating the hell out of each other. But now, I think it's time we try to function as a unit. Because don't think I've forgotten about my crusade to restore the glory that was WWCF. But I could use an ally. And just in case you need some motivation...

*M reaches off-screen and grabs a bag. He opens it...*

Maybe this will do?

*M holds up...

The WWCF Tag Team Championship belts.*

[Gus Richlen: Ruffian]

It's 2015, not 2009.

WWCF is finished.

FAWA a thousand years.

[Jonathan Michaels]

Jonathan is on the roof, sitting in his beach chair, holding an Evil Masked wordlifeecw action figure, his jacket is closed.

The past is a funny thing.

We have such fond memories of the past, but sometimes those memories can play tricks on us.

For a while now, I have lamented the direction this company has taken, and now my old friend is imploring me to restore the former glory to this organization.

So I have had to take time to reflect on the past and think about whether it was all it was cracked up to be, and whether it's time to let progress march on, leave history in the books where it belongs.

Jonathan takes the action figure and flings it away, standing out of the chair and opening his jacket to reveal a FAWA shirt.

Well, I've made my decision, M.

JoNo takes his jacket off and removes the shirt, he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter.

He pulls out a smoke and lights it, taking a long drag.

Then he holds the shirt up, flicks his lighter and holds it to the shirt, setting it ablaze.

The future IS the past.

The future is now.

The future is th WWCF.

And, cut.

[Gus Richlen: Ruffian]

Time to make sure that I can take care of some unfinished business....

[Seth Drakin of Monster Crap]

Jessica: Easter NiteRaw has come and gone, so now we have to go to the next NiteRaw show. And I have an excellent main event lined up for you guys. Kerri wants a piece of Talia, Nicole, and Tracy and I am going to give her that opportunity, with two partners of course as she will be teaming with Shaelin Marie O'Hara and Nurse Mary Harper in a six-woman tag team match.

Another match that will be happening is a triple threat match between the an wrestler of Comedian's chosing, a wrestler of Sorrow's choosing, and a wrestler of Michael Rose's choosing. The winning wresler will allow the person who chose them to pick the stipulation for the triple threat match at Spring Breakdown between Rose, Riggs, and Sorrow.

And finally, our opening encounter will the first of a pick your poison match where King of the Ring winner Jonathan Michaels will face an opponent of Gus Richlen's choice. Of course, the show after that....Gus Richlen will be facing an opponent of Jonathan Michaels' choice.

Join us for another episode of NiteRaw this Wednesday.

Oh and to that little rat who attacked my security guards and interrupted the end of my show, I am calling you out to reveal yourself at Spring Breakdown.

[Seth Drakin of Monster Crap]

Jessica: Well it seems before Spring Breakdown, I have a few things to discuss.

First, I will mention that despite my telling these two not to how up this week as well as last week, Beth Graham and Lauren Jamison did show up. Now normally I will punish them immediately and be done with it, but Dario Cueto of Lucha Underground has inspired me to decide that they will instead be getting a unique penalty for their actions and when I feel like letting them know what that unique penalty is, I will tell them.

Then we have the whole mystery rogue situation who for some reason seems to be wanting something from me and seems to at times have harsh words for my husband Seth. Well, first off....let me say that my husband is doing what is best for the industry by staying home and taking his hiatus. In fact, the best part is that at Spring Breakdown, I will be watching all of the matches and I may actually decide who gets the honor of facing him at Gookermania based on their work in the ring.

And finally, we have the world title issue. Evil M seems to be causing a lot of issues between the two men and I think it is best that for this match, he is barred from ringside. I want my main event to be a hard-hitting and fair affair so I don't need a wild card to screw things up.

Well, that is all so I will see you all at Spring Breakdown.

[Deleted]

That's fine by me, Mrs. Drakin. All I care about is seeing the right man leave Spring Breakdown with the FAWA Championship. And I'm confident that will happen, whether I'm involved or not. So ban me from ringside during the match. It won't change anything. Because as much as Gus tries to fight it, the WWCF Revolution is the future. And we will take back what's ours. But Jono doesn't need my help. In fact, I'm only in the building for moral support.

I guarantee you of this: By the end of Spring Breakdown, the FAWA Championship will be exactly where it belongs. One way...

*M smiles.*

Or another.

[Gus Richlen: Ruffian]

Apr 27, 2015 22:45:43 GMT -5 @wordlifeecw said:

That's fine by me, Mrs. Drakin. All I care about is seeing the right man leave Spring Breakdown with the FAWA Championship. And I'm confident that will happen, whether I'm involved or not. So ban me from ringside during the match. It won't change anything. Because as much as Gus tries to fight it, the WWCF Revolution is the future. And we will take back what's ours. But Jono doesn't need my help. In fact, I'm only in the building for moral support.

I guarantee you of this: By the end of Spring Breakdown, the FAWA Championship will be exactly where it belongs. One way...

*M smiles.*

Or another.

The future is 2015, not 2009. And I am not about to allow you and Michaels to try to bring back something that is long dead.

I am the future, and I will keep FAWA moving towards the future whether you like it or not, M. Unlike you and Michaels, I don't try to cling to a dead past in order to try to keep a flimsy grasp on relevancy. I push this company, the PEOPLE'S company, to new horizons, not old depths. The new blood has been infused, and it keeps the body that is FAWA alive.

WWCF is dead and buried, and at Spring Breakdown I will banish Michaels to the forsaken past as well. Attempt to cash in and I will send you following him.

You want to kill FAWA and raise a dead past in its place?

You will have to kill my career first.

And that...




















....is a promise.

[Seth Drakin of Monster Crap]

*Jessica is sitting at her desk while U.N. Owen and Mr. E are at each of her sides

At Spring Breakdown, we all saw a new world champion gained and a career ended both in what is believed to be controversial fashion when Evil M cashed in his Money in the Bank Briefcase and became world champion after former champion Gus won a very hard fought match against Jonathan Michaels. I would like to state that I was in no way behind Evil M doing this, but I did know he was going to do it as the night of the show, he told me straight out that he was going to do this if "Jonathan Michaels couldn't get the job done".

Now that we have that thing cleared up, let's get to the upcoming NiteRaw.

First, both Sorrow and Michael Rose will both be in action because they both requested to wrestle on NiteRaw.

Secondly, AmericAnt has asked (nicely, might I add) if he could stage a celebration for his Fan Forums Title victory over former champion Jeremy Dupoe and since he did ask nicely, I will give him that celebration.

Third, Evil M has decided to grant an interview in the ring at the end of the show and he has demanded that the man to interview him be Jesse King. Sorry Tim Hoss and Jerry Fish, but that was his wish and thus I shall give it to him.

Finally...Antihero, I apparently have to reinstate you because you are apparently who Seth has decided to face at Gookermania. Sadly, you will expect your contract to reach your attorney soon.

[Oak: Certified Jade Hater]

Did ya miss me, folks?

Huh? Did ya miss me?



........ no seriously did you guys miss me?

[Hulk With A Mustache]

TNT: Howdy do to you and you. It's me. It's me. It's TNT. Toby Nicholas Tucker, coming to you all live and in living color out here in TV land. I'm here to do what I've always planned to do in FAWA. And, that's not to procrastinate. That's not to pontificate. That's not to masticate. That is to dominate! So, I'm calling you all out! That's right! I'm calling you out, Evil M! I'm calling you out, AmericAnt! I'm calling you out, Jordan Mac! I'm calling you out, Jonathan Michaels! I'm calling you out, Seth Drakin! I'm calling you out, Antihero! I'm calling out the whole damn FAWA Galaxy! I'm here to take over the whole damn company! I am officially staking my claim as the King of FAWAndia! This is my kingdom, and I'm gonna be making all the rules! Now, I know what you're thinking! TNT, how can you such bold claims!? Well, it all harks back this comment Vince McMahon made about brass rings. You see, I tried to get into WWE, but I never got a chance. Then, I hear about Vinnie Mac saying that his wrestlers don't dare to grab for the brass ring! Well, that's when the light bulb went off! In that moment, I knew, right then and there that's why I'm not in WWE! They knew I wouldn't just grab that brass ring but never let it go. I'd be Gollum and that'd be my precious! I would've been the most dominant force in WWE. I would have wipe everyone's memories of all their top stars! No more 8 years of Bruno Sammartino as WWF Champion! No more Hulkamania, brother! No more STONE COLD!!!! STONE COLD!!!! STONE COLD!!!! No smelling LA-LA-LA-LA!!! What the Rock... *does the People's Eyebrow* is cooking! No more YOU CAN'T SEE ME!!!! THE CHAMP IS HERE!!!! REAL RECOGNIZING REAL!!!! All of that would have been gone, and only one thing would've remained... T... N... T... Well, if I couldn't get the chance to do it there, I'm gonna do it here! I'm gonna rewrite the history books! FAWA will begin and end wiht me. I'm the Alpha and the Omega! I'm the Big Bang! Forever expanding until one day it collapses in on itself! I am both time and existence! I am THE man who will remake history into his own image! I AM TOBY NICHOLAS TUCKER!!!! I AM TNT! AND, I AM DYNOMITE!!!!

[Seth Drakin of Monster Crap]

Jessica: Last week was a great show considering we had to make a late change due to the world champion having issues with travel. Hopefully he gets that mess sorted out because Jesse was not happy about his interview being scrapped.

Now AmericAnt has asked for a tournament to decide who will face him at the Independence Day NiteRaw and I have agreed to that. So this week will be the first triple threat match, which will feature Brandon Barger, "The Comedian" Bobby Riggs, and "Black Gold" Jordan Mac.

We will also have the match that was sort of set up for last week with Michael Rose take on Sorrow.

And finally after last week's altercation, I will be booking Nick Britt vs. Antonio "Tony" Colon.

That is all for the matches and on a side note, I have still had no word from Antihero on the contract I sent him and his attorney. Hopefully this is because Antihero's brain got fried by the sun because I wont have to deal with that pest anymore.

[Jeff Mangum PI]

And here we go! I can't thank Jessie girl enough for giving me a match against........USA...Insect?........No, no wait, I got this.....AMERICA-ANT! AmericAnt, our very own Fan Forums champ. *Tyrus whispers in Jordan's ear* Wait, I got---I got two matches to win to get the match? LIKE I WAS SAYING, I can't give my thanks enough to Jess for putting me in a match for the FAN Forums title on the Independence Day NiteRaw. Especially after her beau lost his balls and decided to duck from me.

That reminds me, I've got an audition coming up for the lead in Independence Day 2: Independence Harder next week. tThe life of an A-lister never ends!

[Oak: Certified Jade Hater]

Jessica, baby, it's Ya boy The Dream here. Former King of Television, never really lost the tag titles, hero to America. I'm kind of a big deal. Or was. I don't know, I think I'm pretty popular.

Anyhoo, there's a tournament? Can I be in? I'll wrestle really good and stuff! I might even win!

Anyway, call me back! My number is 867-5309. Call me!

[Hulk With A Mustache]

*Killing Joke’s “Eighties” plays: www.youtube.com/watch?v=x1U1Ue_5kq8 A graphic that says “Living In The Eighties” pops up onto the screen. We then open onto a room with Eighties memorabilia all over the wall. Sitting in front of the wall is The Breakfast Pack. They all are wearing their non-wrestling attire: Brandon: denim coat, white shirt, blue jeans, biker’s glove, and Doc Martin’s; Nick: a letterman’s jacket, plain T-shirt, and jeans; Beth: black sweater, plaid scarf, long skirt, and Doc Martin’s; Lauren: an expensive white European blouse and blue jeans; and Shaun: plaid shirt, khakis, white socks, and black shoes. Sitting at the far left is Brandon Barger, and to his left, in order, is Nick Britt, Beth Graham, Lauren Jamison, and Shaun Clark.*

Brandon Barger: Hello, and welcome to another episode of Living In The Eighties. It’s been a while, so here’s a reminder: we are your hosts, The Breakfast Pack. As always this show is designed to let all you Breakfast Packers out there in TV land to get to know the most rad, ace, and tubular group to ever come to the Freakin’ Awesome Wrestling Alliance. So, allow ourselves to introduce… ourselves… again… I am the leader of the Pack… Hey! I just realized that! Anyway, I’m Brandon Barger. As always, the jock to my left is our resident enforcer, Nick Britt.

Nick Britt: Hey…

Brandon: To Nick’s left is our resident wildcard, Beth Graham.

Beth Graham: Hello…

Brandon: Next to Beth, is our resident princess, Lauren Jamison.

Lauren Jamison: Like, hello or whatever…

Brandon: And, last, but not least, our resident, Shaun Clark.

Shaun Clark: Hello…

Brandon: First, I would like to start with a congratulations to… well, me! I have won the triple threat match against “The Comedian” Bobby Riggs and “Black Gold” Jordan Mac. Both fine competitors who gave me quite a challenge. I wish them both good luck in the Second Chance Fatal Fourway. As for me, I’m moving on in the tournament to become the Number 1 Contender for the FAWA Fan Forums Title. I will not only win but also beat the crap out of that Patriotic Pest, AmericAnt. I will take his title. I will take his mask. And, I will take his dignity once I’m done with him. Isn’t that great?

Everyone else: Yeah…

Brandon: As for my stablemates, I just have one question for you guys… WHAT THE HELL, GUYS!!!!? ARE YOU TRYING TO MAKE US LOOK LIKE JOKES!!!!? WE HAVE BEEN GETTING HUMILIATED FOR THE PAST FEW MONTHS!!!! WE LOST THE BEER BATH!!!! SHAUN HAD TO BE THE FREAKING EASTER BUNNY!!!! WE’VE BEEN GETTING SCHOOLED BY THE CARIBBEAN CREW!!!! WHAT THE f*** IS WRONG WITH YOU LOSERS!!!!?

Lauren: Hey! Me and Beth like totally won our tag match at Spring Breakdown!

Beth: Yeah! You gotta give us credit for that!

Brandon: Okay, I will. But, I’m taking that credit back for the fact that you guys looked like the losers after The Caribbean Crew kicked your asses after the match.

Lauren: How were we like supposed to know that those Betty’s would bring in Bob Marley and Ricky Ricardo to help them out.

Brandon: You should have know because this has been going on ever since Gookermania. You lost to Rita Perez. You were unable to take her out. And, you forced her into bring in not one, not two, but THREE friends to help her out! We’re suppose to be dominating FAWA, taking people out not bringing people in! To make matters worse, one of them beat Nick last week!

Nick: Hey! I almost beat him!

Brandon: Almost doesn’t count!

Nick: I did my best!

Brandon: Losers whine about their best! Winners go home and f*** the prom queen!

Nick: Dude! That quote is from the Nineties!

All: Ugh… Nineties…

*They all spit.*

Brandon: I know where it’s from! That’s how pissed I am! Now! We gotta make it up next week. Shaun, you’re wrestling the other Caribbean dude, Benjamin Bannock. You better win, dammit!

Shaun: I’ll try.

Brandon: Do or do not! There is no try!

Shaun: Whatever you say, Yoda.

Brandon: And, cut it out with the f*** sarcasm!

Shaun: Yes sir.

Brandon: And, you two girls better not lose that lumberjack match!

Lauren: It’s like totally unfair that we have to wrestle that match, especially when we like don’t know what Betty’s we’ll be facing.

Brandon: I don’t give a shit if it’s fair! Just do it! Okay!?

Lauren: Okay.

Beth: What she said.

Brandon: As for you, Nick, don’t f*** up!

Nick: I’m not booked next week!

Brandon: You could still find a way!

Nick: Eh, blow me…

Brandon: SHUT UP!!!! Now, with all that said, it’s time to sign off.

*Killing Joke’s “Eighties” plays: www.youtube.com/watch?v=x1U1Ue_5kq8 *

Brandon: For all of us here in The Breakfast Pack, we say good night, and…

Everyone: CHOOSE BREAKFAST!!!!

[Hulk With A Mustache]

*Killing Joke’s “Eighties” plays: www.youtube.com/watch?v=x1U1Ue_5kq8 A graphic that says “Living In The Eighties” pops up onto the screen. We then open onto a room with Eighties memorabilia all over the wall. Sitting in front of the wall is The Breakfast Pack. They all are wearing their non-wrestling attire: Brandon: denim coat, white shirt, blue jeans, biker’s glove, and Doc Martin’s; Nick: a letterman’s jacket, plain T-shirt, and jeans; Beth: black sweater, plaid scarf, long skirt, and Doc Martin’s; Lauren: an expensive white European blouse and blue jeans; and Shaun: plaid shirt, khakis, white socks, and black shoes. Sitting at the far left is Brandon Barger, and to his left, in order, is Nick Britt, Beth Graham, Lauren Jamison, and Shaun Clark. Next to Shaun is an empty chair.*

Brandon Barger: Hello, and welcome to another episode of Living In The Eighties. We are your hosts, The Breakfast Pack. For those Betty’s and Barney’s who don’t know, this show is designed to let all you Breakfast Packers out there in TV land to get to know the most rad, ace, and tubular group to ever come to the Freakin’ Awesome Wrestling Alliance. So, without further ado, here are our usual introductions. I am your lead, Brandon Barger. To my left is our resident enforcer, Nick Britt.

Nick Britt: Hello!

Brandon: To Nick’s left is our basket case, Beth Graham.

Beth Graham: Yo, amigos.

Brandon: Next to Beth, is The Pack’s princess, Lauren Jamison.

Lauren Jamison: Oh my God! I’m like totally excited to be here again! I’ve been giddy all week! I haven’t been this happy since the Royal Wedding!

Brandon: Really? I thought you didn’t like Princess Diana.

Lauren: No! Luke and Laura!

Brandon: Okay… Finally, the brains of the group, Shaun Clark.

Shaun Clark: Hello again to all of those who are watching.

Brandon: And, this week’s episode is much better than last week’s! The reason? WE DID IT!!!! We totally stuck it to those losers, the Caribbean Crew!

Lauren: Oh my God! Those dweebs totally got what they deserved!

Nick: Exactly! How dare they try to unseat us as the most dominant stable in FAWA!

Beth: Well, they now know that it won’t be so easy to take out the Pack.

Shaun: You have got that right. We are as dominant as the 1985 Chicago Bears. And, nothing can stop us!

Brandon: Totally true! But… To be fair, we did have some help in taking down the Crew. We owe a big thank you to one Toby Nicholas Tucker and his girls, collectively known as TNT. And, to say thanks, we have asked that they come here in person. However, there isn’t enough room here to them and us. So, just Toby is coming on. Now, please welcome, for the first time ever, Toby Nicholas Tucker!

*TNT’s music plays: *

*TNT comes out as the Pack claps. He is wearing a Western-style button and collar shirt, blue jeans, and cowboy boots. They give him a standing ovation. TNT soaks it in and bows a little. The Pack then sits down, and TNT takes his seat at the empty seat by Shaun.*

Brandon: Thank you for coming on our little show, Mr. Tucker.

TNT: Thanks for havin’ me, baby. And please, call me Toby!

Brandon: Okay, Toby. Sorry we could have your ladies out here with us.

TNT: That’s a-okay, baby! I totally understand that there is no room. And, I must say that is a travesty that FAWA has you in such a rinky-dink space. If I was running this place, you guys in the luxury suite with all the perks. Big screen TVs. Nice leather furniture! A dining table with steak, lobster, all manners of fruits, and a Chocolate fountain, because I just love those things. The main reason I’m always taking the girls to Golden Corral is for that damn fountain. They get a little sick of always eating there, but I make it up to them all the time.

Brandon: Okay… So, we asked you here us to say thank you. And, we are most appreciative for your help in taking down the Caribbean Crew.

TNT: And, you are most welcome. I know we’ve had a little dust up between our groups in the past. But, we met in the ring as honorable equals. These Limes in the Coconuts, they don’t one motherhumpin’ thang about honor! They just go around attackin’ people from behind like a bunch of bushwhackers. And, not good kind! Not funny old Luke and Butch, walkin’ around with their arms goin’ up and down and lickin’ people! They are the bad kind. And, I don’t like to be bushwhacked! It’s no fun, baby! And, that’s why I wanted to help you guys. I mean, the people in charge weren’t doin’ it. Their solution was to put the Crew in matches against me and my girls. That’s their punishment!? To go do their jobs? Get a payday!? No! That ain’t punishment! They should’ve been suspended or fined or whipped! Well, we provided the whippin’! I don’t know why FAWA didn’t do it! Honestly, it sounds like a conspiracy to me!

Shaun: Yes! Exactly!

Brandon: Oh God no.

Shaun: I am telling you that Communist forces have taken over this company and are punishing us because we are proud, Patriotic, red-blooded Americans.

Nick: Dude! Why would Communists take over a wrestling company? And, why would they allow the Patriotic Pest to be the Fan Forums Champion?

Shaun: Communist forces are trying to take over EVERYTHING in this country! And, the Pest is such an obvious Communist that it is not even funny.

Lauren: Oh God! Like, just because there’s a popular show on FX about Communist spies in America does not mean that there totally are Communists spies in America!

Shaun: What about that Russian spy ring that got arrested a few years ago?

TNT: He’s got a good point, there! I mean, it’s possible! If Elvis can become a Government agent, then there can be Ruskis in America hidin’ in plain sight!

Shaun: What are you talking about?

TNT: Don’t you know? Elvis didn’t die on the toilet like they said. You see, he, like most celebrities, made a deal with the Illuminati to become famous. But, he wanted out. And, the government helped him get out. But, they had a price. In order to get out of the Illuminati’s control, he had to become a CIA agent. And, it wasn’t just Elvis! Jimi Hendrix, Jim Morrison, Janis Joplin, Kurt Cobain, Tupac Shakur, Biggie Smalls. They all became CIA Agents.

Beth: Wow, we’ve met a bigger loon in a tin foil hat than Shaun.

TNT: I’m not a loon. I just know what’s goin’ on, thanks to all my truthful motherhumpers on the Internet.

Beth: Really? Can you tell us how they faked the moon landing?

TNT: What are you, crazy? They didn’t fake the moon landin’. We landed on the moon, baby! But, what most people don’t know is that we kept on goin’ to the moon. There are NASA astronauts on the moon right now. They’re walking around in their secret moonbases makin’ moon babies who will go on to colonize Mars and Venus and all those moons on Jupiter and Saturn and maybe a few asteroids. I’m telling you! We’ll know all about it once NASA comes clean in 2020.

*The Pack looks at TNT like he’s crazy.*

Brandon: Okay… Well, it was a real pleasure having you on the show, Toby.

TNT: The pleasure was all mine. I had just as much fun here as I did growin’ up in the Eighties. And, I’m gonna continue to party like it’s 1989. Because I feel so pretty and look so fine. And, when I get I’m gonna enjoy me some cheese and wine. Because, I’m the life of the party, I’m smarter than Marty, I’m healthy and hearty, and I feel so arty. I’m a man of good taste, I don’t cause any waste, I’ve never been chaste, and I get the job done, post haste. Because I am the man of the hour, I’m too sweet to be sour, I’m smell just like a flower, and I’m filled with power! Because, I am Toby Nicholas Tucker! I AM T-N-T!!!! And, I am… DYNOMITE!

Brandon: Alright! Well, that as good an exit as any.

*Killing Joke’s “Eighties” plays: www.youtube.com/watch?v=x1U1Ue_5kq8 *

Brandon: So, For all of us here in The Breakfast Pack, we say good night, and…

Everyone: CHOOSE BREAKFAST!!!!

TNT: Oh yes! Choose Breakfast, baby! It’s the most important meal of the day!

[Jeff Mangum PI]

This right here? This is what we call bullshit. Why exactly is this bullshit? Well first off, let's start with the match itself. I come out of the gate swinging, I've got the gold in the palm of my hands, I've got AmericAnt right on the ropes and then.....Barger blows it by getting pinned by someone other than me! Now I'm not sure why Barger got pinned. Maybe he had Molly Ringwald on his mind, maybe he just got a beating he wasn't prepared for. Either way, I didn't lose, he did! But luckily Jessie came to her senses and tried to atone for that bullshit by putting me in the tournament for the FAWA World Heavyweight Championship. This might be the easiest path I've gotten to the gold so far! When all's said and done, Summerfest will be the coronation of a king, the marriage of the millennium between gold & Black Gold!

But then there's the gnat I have to keep swatting at, Michael Hayden. I'll explain myself here: when you've been in the celebrity world like I've been, sometimes you run into liabilities. Sometimes your agents pick the wrong scripts, sometimes your co-stars trash your lights, sometimes your teammates start asking for a higher salary, etc. And sometimes you recognize the liability for what it is and you just...cut it off. Michael Hayden was a liability. He was a pathetic little bug that stood in my way of being World Champion, so I did what most people do to bugs and I squashed him under my damn boot. Was I a lil' too violent with it? Maybe. But this is a wrestling league, if you're not being violent then what's the goddamn point?!

I just wanna know if Michael Hayden knows the definition of insanity. It's doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting a different result. I already beat the man like he was Janay Rice in an elevator but for god knows what reason, he decided to come back for more! As if I'm didn't demolish him for the whole world to see! Oh but he got my boys, ohhhhhhhhh, I'm quaking in my boots now! Newsflash, Mikey: those men ain't me. There's only one World Champion, there's only one A-Lister, there's only one Black Gold, and Summerfest is when the planet when no choice but to realize it.

[Seth Drakin of Monster Crap]

Jessica: I know it has been a while since we have done one of these, but with Summerfest having so many questions, it needed to happen.

First, let's talk about Summerfest and the two ties that happened with the two matches before the main event. No one is more disappointed with the two draws than myself. Because of what happened, I have made a match at NiteRaw where the two matches will compete with and against each other in a tag team match as AmericAnt and Michael Rose team up to take on Brandon Barger and Sorrow. Now I have also added that we do know that the Fan Forums Title (that is currently in my office) will be contested in a rematch between AmericAnt and Brandon Barger in a Cage X Match, but I have taken measures to make sure that Michael Rose and Sorrow do not fight each other.

Now onto the great main event at Summerfest that had Jordan Mac become the new champion, barely beating out Jonathan Michaels and maybe getting a monkey off his back with that victory. But with my curious minds, I always wonder what would have happened if things were different. If Bobby Riggs beat Jonathan Michaels, would Jordan Mac be with the world title. If Michael Hayden had beaten Jordan Mac, would Jonathan Michaels have faired better? Well those questions will be answered at NiteRaw as Michael Hayden takes on Jonathan Michaels and "The Comedian" Bobby Riggs gets a non-title match against our new world champion "Black Gold" Jordan Mac.

And I have decided to make things even more interesting for those matches. Right now, we will get a world title rematch at Gookermania with "Black Gold" Jordan Mac defends against Jonathan Michaels. But if Michael Hayden beats Jonathan Michaels or Bobby Riggs defeats Jordan Mac or both, those winner(s) will also be in the main event of Gookermania as well.

Until then, enjoy the show.

[Jeff Mangum PI]

Hello, ladies and gentlemen across the world that just finished watching another thrilling episode of NiteRaw! As we just learned as the cameras finished rolling, the main event of GookerMania will now be a triple threat match. The competitors of that match including the former #1 contender, Jonathan Michaels, "The Comedian" Bobby Riggs, and of course our new World Heavyweight Champion, Jordan Mac.

Damn right, Tim. That's damn right.

I know you must be loving how life's been for you these past few weeks, Jordan.

I really have. I think you remember when I first entered this company and started these lil' interviews with you, Tim. And I know you remembered when I said that my goal was become World. Heavyweight. Champion. And here I am now, a man that fulfilled all of his promises and sits before you as the shining new face of FAWA.

I've said a lot about you in these interviews and on the commentary table, but I will say......congratulations, Jordan. You did what you said you would do.

Of course I did, Timmy. What on Earth would make you think that I wouldn't? Now yeah, there were some bumps in the road, but nothing can stop Black Gold when he puts his mind onto something. Nothing on this planet.

Again, congrats on winning the championship. But moving on from Summerfest, I wanted to talk to you a little bit about your match at GookerMania. It was only a year ago that you made your debut in the Money in the Bank or Botch Match, and now you're defending the belt in the main event. Has it all set in yet, to have a career this big, this fast?

.....I honestly can't answer that question for ya, Tim. I don't like looking back on things I've done. I'm more of a "live for the moment" type of brotha. But yeah, it feels good knowing that all that the "veterans" and dinosaurs that thought I was just talking big were proven wrong at Summerfest. Now, GookerMania......that's gonna be a challenge. But Black Gold always loves a challenge! I just can't respect how Bobby Riggs squirmed his way into the title picture. To do something that low, I mean......to just stoop that low! Bobby Riggs disgusts me. Terrible jokes, too.

I can see that you and Bobby have no love lost between you.

Tim, I don't really pay attention to the little "gang warfare" we have going on here in FAWA. The Breakfast Club, the Caribbean Cabana, I couldn't care less! But this Toby punk? He, Bobby Riggs, and the rest of their little pack have no idea what they just entered themselves into. Now I could get the Crew to take out these jackoffs and end it there, but I don't want to. I wanna torture all of them. I want all of them to look back on this night and realize that it was the moment that their lives were over.

Jordan, you have a title match to focus on. The biggest match of your career! Don't you think you should focus on Michaels & Riggs instead of some hooligans.

Oh, I'm not gonna get back at them at all! I'm gonna let everyone else do that for me. You know I'm a very wealthy man, right?

You're very fond of reminding us of this, yes.

Well I'm gonna put some of that wealth to good use. Starting now, I'm putting a bounty on TNT. I'll give $500,000 to anyone that can put Toby Nicholas Turner on the shelf between now and GookerMania. His little....compatriots are worth $100,000 each. But Toby's the big game here. I don't want him, his crew, or ANYONE interfering in my match at GookerMania. This will guarantee that the match ends like it should, with the most honorable man on the roster retaining the World Heavyweight Championship and proving to the world that he is the greatest wrestler alive today.

[Seth Drakin of Monster Crap]

*Backstage, we see AmericAnt with a towel on his side after a hard workout.*

AA: Finally.....I finally was able to get that Brandon Barger monkey off my back. Brandon, I told you that without your Breakfast Pack, I will beat you. You tried and tried to screw me over and take this...

*He points at the Fan Forums Title on the bench*

..away from me. Now that I have beaten you in Cage X and throw you from the scaffold that is where challengers for this title are, I can now move on to other things. Like Toby Nicholas Tucker...

*He looks at the camera and holds up the belt*

Toby, you tried to help the Breakfast Pack and Brandon take this from me. And all because you wanted a shot and Brandon promised you one if he won. Seems funny to me that you wasted all your time trying to make sure Brandon won when all you had to do is wait till I beat that man.........and just asked. I would have accepted. Now, you're going to have to earn an opportunity. You want a shot at this, you gotta beat me and trust me, that will not be an easy feat because I am not one who is just going to allow you to win.

*He looks at the belt and kisses it.*

Glad to have this belt back.

Now, I'm sure a lot of people have wanted to talk about afterwards where I stopped Antihero from doing more damage to Seth Drakin and anyone else. Now I know that Antihero, you is responsible for me being here and I do not like Seth Drakin whatsoever. However, like I showed with the one time I along with Gus saved your hide from Seth doing further damage, I will NOT allow you to do further damage to a man who was in all sense of the words, beaten. Seth was beaten. You stabbed him in the eye and last I heard, he is now with an eye patch. You had won. But for some reason, that wasn't enough for you and because you wanted to not only hurt him, but his friends and family....I had to come out there and defend him. It's not something I wanted to do, but I will do it.

You have a problem with it, Antihero. Well, that is fine. I did what was right and deep down inside, you know that is true.