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Post by Seth Drakin of Monster Crap on Aug 11, 2014 22:52:41 GMT -5
*AmericAnt looks into the camera*
This week's NiteRaw, I will be facing the archrival of "The Comedian" Bobby Riggs, the man I defeated two NiteRaws ago in Michael Rose. Now Rose, I hope that you do not mind, but I am going out there for one reason and one reason only and that is to win. I don't care about this stuff with you and Riggs because that is none of my problem. I do however appreciate you taking care of that no-good Sorrow in my match.
Riggs, Sorrow, you two guys are guys who do not understand that you two are not the only two people allowed to have fun around here so if you two decide to interfere in this match, you will be making enemies with the wrong person.
And Antihero, I hope you slap the taste out of that scoundrel who is our world champion right now. And hopefully, you do the right thing and give Gus an opportunity at that title because Seth never beat him last NiteRaw and although he may have escaped with the belt, I hope that doesn't put Gus in the back of the line because he still deserves a chance to rightfully win or lose that opportunity.
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Post by Hulkshi Tanahashi on Aug 12, 2014 22:13:23 GMT -5
*Killing Joke’s “Eighties” plays: www.youtube.com/watch?v=x1U1Ue_5kq8 A graphic that says “Living In The Eighties” pops up onto the screen. We then open onto a room with Eighties memorabilia all over the wall. Sitting in front of the wall is The Breakfast Pack. They all are wearing their non-wrestling attire: Brandon: denim coat, white shirt, blue jeans, biker’s glove, and Doc Martin’s; Nick: a letterman’s jacket, plain T-shirt, and jeans; Beth: black sweater, plaid scarf, long skirt, and Doc Martin’s; Lauren: an expensive white European blouse and blue jeans; and Shaun: plaid shirt, khakis, white socks, and black shoes. Sitting at the far left is Brandon Barger, and to his left, in order, is Nick Britt, Beth Graham, Lauren Jamison, and Shaun Clark.* Brandon Barger: Hello, and welcome to another episode of Living In The Eighties. We are you hosts with the most, The Breakfast Pack. As I mentioned in our debut episode, this show is designed to let all you Breakfast Packers out there in TV land to get to know the most rad, ace, and tubular group to ever come to the Freakin’ Awesome Wrestling Alliance. I am the leader of this Eighties Envoy, Brandon Barger. To my left is our resident All-American boy, Nick Britt.Nick Britt: Yo! What’s up, all you people out there in TV Land?Brandon: To Nick’s left is our beautiful basketcase, Beth Graham. Beth Graham: Aw. Brandon: Next to Beth, is the girl with many tastes, all of them fine and expensive, Lauren Jamison. Lauren Jamison: “Fine and expensive” is totally right. If it ain’t at least a hundred bucks, then it is like totally bogus.Brandon: And, finally, our Einstein and we don’t mean that sarcastically, Shaun Clark. Shaun Clark: Hello. Again, it’s a pleasure to be here.Brandon: Okay. Enough introduction. Let’s get to why we’re here. Now, as I mentioned in our last episode, we figured that one of the best ways to get to know someone is to learn about what they like. Someone’s favorite movie, TV show, book, et cetera, tells you a lot about a person. And, like we did with movies, we’re gonna do just that. But, this time with music. So, ladies and gentlemen, sit back and relax as we share with you our…*A graphic appears on the screen as Brandon is talking.* Brandon: Top 5 Albums Of The Eighties. *The graphic goes away as they all clap and cheer.* Brandon: Alright. I’ll go first. Now, my number 5 is… *drumroll plays* Back In Black! *AC/DC’s “Back In Black” video plays: www.youtube.com/watch?v=pAgnJDJN4VA Then, we go back to the Pack.* Brandon: This was an important album for the band. On 1980’s, Back In Black, the band had a lot to prove. Not only were they attempting to follow a string of powerful records, but they also had to replace the band’s original vocalist—the late Bon Scott—with the relatively unknown Brian Johnson. And, the band overcame those challenges effortlessly, putting out a great album of rock music. With such classics as the title track, “You Shook Me All Night Long,” “Shoot To Thrill,” and “Hells Bells,” AC/DC crafted a great album of hard rock that has endure to this day. Okay, on with Nick’s Number 5!Nick: My Number 5 is Run-DMC’s Raising Hell!*Run-DMC’s “It’s Tricky” video plays: www.youtube.com/watch?v=l-O5IHVhWj0 Then, we go back to the Pack.* Brandon: Good album.Nick: GREAT album! This album did something a lot of people had never seen before—rap-rock. While the group had been using rock beats for their rap songs since they started releasing albums, this album brought it to the mainstream. It was their cover of Areosmith’s “Walk This Way” that not only made the group superstars but also allowed Aerosmith to make a comeback. But, the best songs on the album, like “It’s Tricky” and “My Adidas,” show off the great chemistry and back-and-forth style of the duo. And, it was this album that made the group hip-hop legends as it influenced hip-hop long after its release. Brandon: Well said. Now, for Beth’s Number 5.Beth: Okay, my fifth pick for best album is Peter Gabriel’s So.*Peter Gabriel’s “Big Time” video plays: www.youtube.com/watch?v=PBAl9cchQac Then, we go back to the Pack.* Beth: Ever since his time in Genesis, Gabriel has been known for his weird, artistic music. Here, he went conventional and made a straight-up pop album. But, the music is still uniquely Gabriel. Songs like “Red Rain” and “Mercy Street” still have Gabriel’s dark, brooding sense of experimentalism, while “Sledgehammer” and “Big Time” showed that he could make crowd pleasing hits on his own terms. The irony is that by going pop and commercial, Gabriel ended up making his most unique album.Brandon: And, that Sledgehammer is pretty damn cool.Beth: Damn straight it is!Brandon: Okay. Now, we move onto Lauren. She surprised us last time. But, I’m sure her Number 5 will feature a certain fabulous singer whose name starts with an M.Lauren: You’re like totally right on that part! My number 5 is The Smith’s Meat Is Murder.Brandon: I knew… Wait… That’s not Madonna?Lauren: Oh, you were like talking about Madonna. I thought you totally meant Morrissey. Brandon: Why would you think that? *thinks about it for a second* Wait… Nevermind.*The Smith’s “How Soon Is Now?” video plays: www.youtube.com/watch?v=ojbEWJFF3Dw Then, we go back to the Pack.* Lauren: Now, I want to specify that this is the U.S. version, which includes probably the band’s best song, “How Soon Is Now?” Even though it wasn’t on the original U.K. version, it fits right in with the rest of the album. Of course, even without it, Meat Is Murder would have been a classic. Musically, the band had grown more adventurous, with guitarist Johnny Marr and bassist Andy Rourke channeling rockabilly and funk influences in "Rusholme Ruffians" and "Barbarism Begins at Home." Inspired by Can riffs and bookended by lengthy, brutal songs about corporal punishment and the horrors of the cattle industry, Meat Is Murder is the darkest entry in the U.K. group's catalog. On "How Soon Is Now?", Morrissey sums up with great pathos and hilarity what a drag it is to be shy. More pathos would come, which is why the band ended up splitting up. But, this album showed that we should be grateful they were able to make as much great as they could while they were still together.Brandon: Okay, interesting choice. So, let’s wrap up the Number 5’s with Shaun’s pick. Shaun: My number 5 is Freedom Of Choice by Devo.*Devo’s “Whip It” video plays: www.youtube.com/watch?v=IIEVqFB4WUo Then, we go back to the Pack.* Brandon: Really?Shaun: Yes. You all know that I like Devo.Nick: Yeah. That’s why we’re shocked. We figured that this would be your Number 1.Shaun: Oh no. There are other albums I prefer. But, this one is good too.Brandon: Okay. Care to explain why you like this album?Shaun: Sure. I guess you could say I have felt a kinship with the band. They seem like the kind of guys I could hang out with. And, that is why I like there music, this album in particular.Lauren: And, it’s Devo’s most ironic album, which is saying something. The music is polished synth-pop. Synthesizers are now fully integrated into the band's sound, frequently dominating the arrangements and at least sharing equal time with the guitars. Everything is played with a cool, polished precision that mirrors the stylized uniformity of the band's visuals. The dissonance is more subdued than in the past, and the uptight rhythms are no longer jarring, instead locking the band into a rigidly even keel. Yet, even though the music is the least human-sounding Devo had yet produced, their social observations were growing less insular and more sympathetic. Several tunes, like the oft-covered "Girl U Want," have a geeky but pragmatic romantic angst that was new to Devo albums, although the band's view of relationships is occasionally colored by their cultural themes of competition and domination. Those preoccupations also inform their breakthrough hit single, "Whip It," but elsewhere, they're finding enough connection with the rest of the world to moderate their cynicism, at least a little bit. Songs like "Gates of Steel," "Planet Earth," and the title track reveal a frustrated idealism under their irony, one that can't quite understand why Americans don't use more of their freedom to search for happiness. Altogether, there's a little less of the debut's energy, and a little less variety as well. But the songwriting is a match for consistent quality, and moreover, the music on Freedom of Choice is the sound that defines Devo in the minds of many. In the end, that makes it the band's only other truly necessary album. Brandon: Um… Okay. Is that why you feel such a kinship with Devo?Shaun: No.Brandon: Okay. So, what is the reason?Shaun: I don’t know. It’s hard to explain.Brandon: Okay. Let’s move. Now, my Number 4 is Dire Straits’ Making Movies.*Dire Straits’ “Tunnel Of Love” video plays: www.youtube.com/watch?v=GrDK0UoAkfY Then, we go back to the Pack.* Brandon: Even though the band debuted in 1978, Dire Straits was pretty much an Eighties band when they started. They were ready to bring about the end of disco and helped to shape the sound of mainstream rock in the decade. And, this album showed that. Making Movies was the record on which Mark Knopfler comes out from behind his blues influences. It was also the record on which Dire Straits came out from behind Mark Knopfler. Here, he doesn’t let his guitar work dominate but allows it to blend well with the bass and drums. The combination of the star's lyrical script, his intense vocal performances, and the band's cutting-edge rock & roll soundtrack is breathtaking. Making Movies was everything the first two albums should have been but weren't; and those are two great albums. Now, we move on to Nick’s Number 4.Nick: My Number 4 is Bon Jovi’s Slipper When Wet.*Bon Jovi’s “Livin’ On A Prayer” video plays: www.youtube.com/watch?v=lDK9QqIzhwk Then, we go back to the Pack.* Brandon: Good album.Nick: GREAT album! Bon Jovi always walked a thin line between pop and metal. And, this was the album that best shows that thin line. The album’s sound presented a streamlined combination of pop, hard rock, and metal that appealed to everyone: especially girls, whom heavy metal often ignored. Yeah, if you want to get down with the ladies, then you needed this album. Now, Slippery When Wet was more pop than metal, and the band made no attempt to hide its commercial ambition. But, it paid off as it was the best selling album of 1987 and many of its hits, like “Livin’ On A Prayer” and “You Give Love A Bad Name,” are still played on the radio today.Brandon: Well said. Now, we move on to Beth’s Number 4.Beth: Okay, my Number 4 is Paul Simon’s Graceland.*Paul Simon’s “You Can Call Me Al” video plays: www.youtube.com/watch?v=uq-gYOrU8bA Then, we go back to the Pack.* Beth: This album is Paul Simon at his most experimental. And, he did his experimenting by going around the world and cherry picking different musical styles, like zydeco, Tex-Mex, and African music. Simon risked a lot of criticism by going to South Africa, which was then under apartheid, and working with the best musicians from the black townships. With the fluid energy and expertise of guitarist Ray Phiri and the vocal troupe Ladysmith Black Mambazo, Simon created an album about isolation and redemption that transcended "world music" to become the whole world's soundtrack. And, it made Ladysmith Black Mambazo famous for a bit.Brandon: Well said. Now, we move on to Lauren’s Number 4, which I’m sure will surprise us all.Lauren: Okay, my totally tubular Number 4 is the Pixies’ Surfer Rosa.Brandon: Of course.*Pixies’ “Where Is My Mind” video plays: www.youtube.com/watch?v=5iC0YXspJRM Then, we go back to the Pack.* Lauren: Now, I know this album had a big influence on a certain band that shall not be named.Beth: What are you talking about?Lauren: Nirvana. Duh! Oh shoot! Anyway, the Pixies are better as they created a unique sound way ahead of its time. Smack in between hardcore punk and alternative, it was difficult to make sense of the Pixies' ferocious noise. Their secret weapon was leaping from sweet to screaming, pensive to pummeling. No one hard ever heard anything like it, which made it so great. On songs like "Something Against You," Black Francis' cryptic shrieks and non sequiturs are backed by David Lovering and Kim Deal's punchy rhythms, which are so visceral that they'd overwhelm any guitarist except Joey Santiago, who takes the spotlight on the epic "Vamos." Producer Steve Albini's high-contrast dynamics suit Surfer Rosa well, especially on the explosive opener "Bone Machine" and the kinky, T. Rex-inspired "Cactus." But, like the black-and-white photo of a topless flamenco dancer on its cover, Surfer Rosa is the Pixies' most polarized work. For each blazing piece of punk, there are softer, poppier moments such as "Where Is My Mind?," Francis' strangely poignant song inspired by scuba diving in the Caribbean, and the Kim Deal-penned "Gigantic," which almost outshines the rest of the album. But even Surfer Rosa's less iconic songs reflect how important the album was in the group's development. The "song about a superhero named Tony" was the most lighthearted song the Pixies had recorded, pointing the way to their more overtly playful, whimsical work on Doolittle. Francis' warped sense of humor is evident in lyrics like "Bone Machine"'s "He bought me a soda and tried to molest me in the parking lot/Yep yep yep!" In a year that included landmark albums from contemporaries like Throwing Muses, Sonic Youth, and My Bloody Valentine, the Pixies managed to turn in one of 1988's most striking, distinctive records. Surfer Rosa may not be the group's most accessible work, but it is one of their most compelling. *Everyone just stares are her.* Lauren: What? Is this about the Nirvana thing?Brandon: Um… no?Lauren: Okay! So, do you like wanna move on?Brandon: Oh! Right. Right. Okay, so let’s end the Number 4’s with Shaun’s pick.Shaun: My Number 4 pick is Whitney by Whitney Houston.*Whitney Houston’s “I Wanna Dance With Somebody” video plays: www.youtube.com/watch?v=eH3giaIzONA Then, we go back to the Pack.* Brandon: Really? You chose that over Devo?Shaun: Yes.Brandon: All right. Care to explain why?Shaun: Okay. I like it more than Devo. And, I thought Whitney Houston looked cute on the album cover.Brandon: That it?Shaun: Yes.Brandon: *sighs* Okay. Let’s move on to the 3’s. I’ll go first, like I have been. My Number 3 is Metallica’s Kill ‘Em All.*Metallica’s “Seek And Destroy” video plays: www.youtube.com/watch?v=J-tvJcTPxHc Then, we go back to the Pack.* Brandon: True story: this album was originally called “Metal Up Your Ass,” but their label made them change it. So, they did to “Kill ‘Em All,” hoping the label would find this more offensive. They didn’t. That just goes to show what Metallica was like when they made this album. On Kill 'Em All, Metallica fused the intricate riffing of bands like Judas Priest, Iron Maiden, and Diamond Head with the velocity of Motörhead and hardcore punk. James Hetfield's highly technical rhythm guitar style set new standards of power, precision, and stamina. But really, the rest of the band is just as good, playing with tightly controlled fury even at the most ridiculously fast tempos. There are several songs on the album that foreshadow the band's later progressive epics. Though, these are driven by adrenaline, not texture, which is why I prefer their debut to their later work, especially that in the Nineties.All: Ugh… Nineties… Brandon: Okay, let’s move onto Nick’s Number 3.Nick: My Number 3 is Bon Jovi’s Slipper When Wet.*U2’s “Sunday Bloody Sunday” video plays: www.youtube.com/watch?v=EM4vblG6BVQ Then, we go back to the Pack.* Brandon: Good album.Nick: GREAT album! Here’s the thing about U2’s early work—it’s heavily political. This album is no different. “New Year’s Day” was about that Polish solid movement thing…Shaun: It was called Solidarity.Nick: Yeah, that. And, “Sunday Bloody Sunday” is about all that trouble that was going on in Ireland at the time.Shaun: You mean, Bloody Sunday, an incident in Derry where British troops shot and killed unarmed civil rights protesters and bystanders who were there to rally against internment.Nick: Yeah, that’s right. I think.Shaun: It is. Nick: Anyway, they don’t feel like those namby-bamby wimpy protest songs those hippies were singing in the Sixties. These songs rock! Which is what made U2 so great! They could take a heavy subject and write a kick-ass song about it. And, it was before they got all pretentious about it.Brandon: Well said. Okay, let’s move on to Beth’s Number 3.Beth: Okay, my Number 3 is The Clash’s London Calling.*The Clash’s “London Calling” video plays: www.youtube.com/watch?v=EfK-WX2pa8c Then, we go back to the Pack.* Beth: Now, most people thought punk was dead by the Eighties. The Clash proved them wrong. Recorded in 1979 in London, which was then wrenched by surging unemployment and drug addiction, and released in America in January 1980, the dawn of an uncertain decade, London Calling is 19 songs of apocalypse, fueled by an unbending faith in rock & roll to beat back the darkness. The Clash's third album skids from the bleak punk of "London Calling" to rampaging ska of "Wrong 'Em Boyo" and disco resignation of "Lost in the Supermarket." The album ends with "Train in Vain," a rousing song of fidelity unlisted on the back cover because it was added at the last minute that became the sound of triumph as it was The Clash's first Top 30 single in the U.S. Not bad for a band that was pretty much broke at the time.Brandon: Good choice. Now, we move on to Lauren’s Number 3. I’m sure it’s gonna be some kind of critically acclaimed alternative rock album.Lauren: Guess again.Brandon: Okay. So, now is when we get the Madonna music.Lauren: Wrong again.Brandon: Oh. Well, what is it?Lauren: Public Enemy’s It Takes A Nation To Hold Us Back.*Public Enemy’s “Black Steel In The Hour Of Chaos” video plays: www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZM5_6js19eM Then, we go back to the Pack.* Brandon: Seriously!?Lauren: Yeah!Beth: You chose a Public Enemy album?Lauren: Well duh! I just said that!Beth: Why?Lauren: Because, it’s amazing. Loud, obnoxious, funky, avant-garde, political, hilarious—Public Enemy's brilliant second album is all of these things and all at once. Chuck D booms intricate rhymes with a delivery inspired by sportscaster Marv Albert. Sidekick Flavor Flav raps much-needed comic relief. And, production team the Bomb Squad builds mesmerizing, multilayered jams, pierced with shrieking sirens. The title and roiling force of "Bring the Noise" is truth in advertising. As Chuck D said, "If they're callin' my music 'noise,' if they're saying that I'm really getting out of character being a black person in America, then fine – I'm bringin' more noise.” And, that’s precisely what he did. Public Enemy rewrote the rules of what hip-hop could do with this album, taking it from party music to something political. They took the template Run-D.M.C. created of a rap crew as a rock band, then brought in elements of free jazz, hard funk, even musique concrète, via the Bomb Squad, creating a dense, ferocious sound unlike anything that came before. It’s a beautiful blend, something similar to what Nick said that U2 was doing: creating political songs that sound great and party to. That’s what makes this album amazing: how the words and music become intertwined, gaining strength from each other. Though this music is certainly a representation of its time, it hasn't dated at all. It set a standard that few could touch then, and even fewer have attempted to meet since.Brandon: Okay. Now, let’s end the Number 3’s with Shaun’s pick.Shaun: My Number 3 pick is No Jacket Required by Phil Collins.*Phil Collins’s “Sussudio” video plays: www.youtube.com/watch?v=r0qBaBb1Y-U Then, we go back to the Pack.* Brandon: Again, why chose this over Devo?Shaun: Like I said earlier, I like this more.Brandon: Okay. So, why is it your Number 3?Shaun: It’s a good album with cool funky pop music.Brandon: I’m guessing that’s it.Shaun: Yes, that is correct.Brandon: Very well. I’ll move on to my Number 2. And, that album is Iron Maiden’s The Number Of The Beast.*Iron Maiden’s “The Number Of The Beast” video plays: www.youtube.com/watch?v=jsmcDLDw9iw Then, we go back to the Pack.* Brandon: This is classic heavy metal. You got Bruce Dickinson practically screaming the songs with that badass operatic voice. You got kick ass guitar work from Dave Murray and Adrian Smith. And, you got a rockin’ band singing about the devil. It doesn’t get more metal than that. But, not all the songs are about the devil. “Run To The Hills” is about the plight of the Native Americans. “The Prisoner” is about that cool Sixties TV show. “Children Of The Damned” is about the cool movie. Heck, this album is just perfect. I almost made it my Number 1, but I preferred that choice just a little more. Everything fell into place for Iron Maiden here at exactly the right time, and the result ranks among the most essential heavy metal albums ever recorded. It is truly a cornerstone of the genre. Now, we move on to Nick’s Number 2.Nick: My Number 2 is The Police’s Synchronicity.*The Police’s “Every Breath You Take” video plays: www.youtube.com/watch?v=OMOGaugKpzs Then, we go back to the Pack.* Brandon: Good album.Nick: GREAT album!Brandon: Though, I’m a little surprised you picked it.Nick: Yeah, I know. It’s got Sting and all. And, it’s not as rocking as the other albums I chose. But, it’s still a cool album. Sting once said that he does his best work when he’s in pain, and this album proved it. The end of his first marriage led him to write “Every Breath You Take,” a dark, stalkerish song, and “King Of Pain,” a beautiful song about the pain of an ending relationship. It’s a great song that speaks to anyone who had their heartbroken by say, a certain cheerleader who claims to love someone but is just using them for money to go to the mall and rides around town and goes behind a certain football player-slash-wrestler and cheats on him with all his teammates and doesn’t show any goddamn remorse when she gets caught. I MEAN, HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO ME KARREN!? WHY ARE YOU SUCH A f***ING…*The broadcast is suddenly cut-off with a screen that says “We’re experiencing technical difficulties. Please stand by.” After a few minutes, we come back to the Pack. Nick is wiping away tears from his face.* Nick: I’m sorry. I want to apologize to the ladies here and at home for my language. I let my anger take over, and I shouldn’t have. I’m terribly sorry.Brandon: Okay. Let’s move on to Beth’s Number 2.Beth: Okay… My Number 2 is Michael Jackson’s Bad.* Michael Jackson’s “Bad” video plays: www.youtube.com/watch?v=dsUXAEzaC3Q Then, we go back to the Pack.* Beth: Michael had a very difficult task in the mid Eighties: create a good follow up to Thriller. The task was pretty much impossible. But, he tried his hardest and created a great album. He approached Bad much the same way he approached Thriller. He took the basic formula of the predecessor, expand it slightly, and move it outward. This meant that he moved deeper into hard rock, deeper into schmaltzy adult contemporary, deeper into hard dance, essentially taking each portion of Thriller to an extreme. He wound up with a sleeker, slicker Thriller, which isn't a bad thing, but it wasn’t a rousing success, either. But, it was still a great album. The songs painted a portrait of Michael as a multi-faceted man. On “Man In The Mirror,” he’s showing his charitable, compassionate side. On “Smooth Criminal” and “Dirty Diana,” he’s showing his violent tendencies and paranoia. On “Leave Me Alone,” he’s showing his anger with the hassle of fame and its lack of privacy. And, on the title track, he’s showing that he can kick ass and be tough. Brandon: Well, he failed on that marked.Beth: Hey! He proved it on that video!Brandon: Did he really?Beth: Yes!Brandon: Did he?Beth: Okay, no. But, he tried!Brandon: Well, on that note, let’s move on to Lauren’s Number 2.Lauren: Okay. My Number 2 is like shares its name with another famous album.Brandon: And, what Madonna album… Oh, I don’t know why I’m asking that.Lauren: Anyway, it’s The Replacement’s Let It Be.*The Replacements’ “I Will Dare” video plays: www.youtube.com/watch?v=RJcCzWcgPsY Then, we go back to the Pack.* Lauren: Now, copping The Beatles’ title was cheeky. But, attaching it to a post-punk masterpiece was a sign of maturity. Let It Be looms large among Eighties rock albums, generally regarded as one of the greatest records of the decade. So large is its legend and so universal its acclaim that all the praise tends to give the impression that the Replacements' fourth album was designed as a major statement, intended to be something important. And, the album itself backs those claims up. Songs like "I Will Dare" sizzle with ambition. Mixing punk and country with wry lyrics, "Unsatisfied" sounds like Paul Westerberg demanding more of himself and of his band. The irony of the album is that its genius feels accidental. Nothing about Let It Be is clean. It's all a ragged mess, careening wildly from dirty jokes to wounded ballads, from utter throwaways to songs haunting in their power. Unlike other classics, Let It Be needs those throwaways—that Kiss cover, those songs about Tommy getting his tonsils out and Gary's boner, that rant about phony rock & roll—to lighten the mood and give the album its breathless pacing. And, without these asides, the album wouldn't be true to the Replacements. They never separated high and low culture, celebrated pure junk, and reluctantly bared their soul. This blend of bluster and vulnerability is why the Replacements were perhaps the most beloved band of their era, as they captured all the chaos and confusion of coming of age in the midst of Reaganomics, and Let It Be is nothing if not a coming-of-age album, perched precisely between adolescence and adulthood. There's just enough angst and tastelessness to have the album speak to teenagers of all generations and just enough complicated emotion to make this music resonate with listeners long past those awkward years, whether they grew up with this album or not. Beth: I still say she’s been abducted and replaced by an alien.Lauren: *laughs* Oh you.Brandon: Anyway, we move on to Shaun’s Number 2.Shaun: My Number 2 pick is Suddenly by Billy Ocean.*Billy Ocean’s “Loverboy” video plays: www.youtube.com/watch?v=7JjhBv2dqsk Then, we go back to the Pack.* Brandon: Again, you like this over Devo?Shaun: Yes.Brandon: Why?Shaun: Well, the music is good, Billy Ocean’s voice is nice, and I like that video to “Loverboy.” It’s weird but cool and reminds me of Star Wars.Brandon: *sighs* Okay… Time for the honorable mentions. As I mentioned last time, choosing just 5 picks for best album of the eighties was a difficult task. So, we decided to recognize three albums we really wanted to feature on our list but couldn’t. Now, my first honorable mention is Metallica’s Master Of Puppets.*Metallica’s “Master Of Puppets” video plays: www.youtube.com/watch?v=xnKhsTXoKCI Then, we go back to the Pack.* Brandon: As I mentioned earlier, I preferred Metallica’s first album, Kill ‘Em All, to their other stuff, which is why this one didn’t make my main list. But, this is a good album. This was Metallica’s first album to get acclaim from outside of heavy metal’s core audience, which would lead to their greatest success, for better or worst. Here, it’s for the better as the band plays hard and fast, just like they do best. My next honorable mention is Judas Priest’s British Steel.*Judas Priest’s “Breaking The Law” video plays: www.youtube.com/watch?v=L397TWLwrUU Then, we go back to the Pack.* Brandon: Another great metal album, this one helped to bring heavy metal to the mainstream. But, unlike other such albums, like Metallica’s black one, it did so without the sellout baggage. While it was less heavy than the band’s previous output, it didn’t betray their core sound. Still, I decided to not put it on my list because I prefer the band’s early work. And, my final honorable mention is Queensryche’s Operation: Mindcrime.*Queensryche’s “I Don’t Believe In Love” video plays: www.youtube.com/watch?v=2c3g6tTYoxM Then, we go back to the Pack.* Brandon: This great album tells a cool story about Nikki, a drug addict who ends up in becoming an assassin for a revolutionary group. Amazingly, with such a detailed story, the group keeps the music focused well. I thought long and hard about putting this on my list, but I ultimately felt that Dire Straits told better stories in single songs than Queensryche did in this one album. Still, it’s a great story. Now, let’s go to Nick’s honorable mentions.Nick: My first honorable mention is LL Cool J’s Radio.*LL Cool J’s “I Can’t Live Without My Radio” video plays: www.youtube.com/watch?v=SavVH4W1lxc Then, we go back to the Pack.* Nick: LL Cool J was just seventeen when he made this album. And, it became a classic, following in Run-DMC’s footsteps. It put LL Cool J, Rick Rubin, and Def Jam records on the mat, showing the world that there was a great label making cool hip hop. It is rap at its most skeletal, with a hard-hitting, street-level aggression that perfectly matches LL's cocksure teenage energy. I almost put this on my list, but I felt Run-DMC was more important to the genre. So, I gave them the nod. Still, this album rocks. My next honorable mention is The Beastie Boys’ License To Ill.*Beastie Boys’ “Fight For Your Right” video plays: www.youtube.com/watch?v=eBShN8qT4lk Then, we go back to the Pack.* Nick: Another great album that made Def Jam famous, this one making hip hop safe for white rappers. And, the Beastie Boys were nothing like the rappers who came before them. Rolling Stone said it best: three idiots made a masterpiece. It took Run-DMC’s blending of rock and rap to a new level. Though, again, I had to consider Run-DMC’s importance to the genre over this album. Still, it’s a great album. And, my last honorable mention is Genesis’s Invisible Touch.*Genesis’s “Land Of Confusion” video plays: www.youtube.com/watch?v=zU9lv_WqK6k Then, we go back to the Pack.* Nick: I've been a big Genesis fan ever since the release of their 1980 album, Duke. Before that, I really didn't understand any of their work. Too artsy, too intellectual. It was on Duke where Phil Collins' presence became more apparent. I think Invisible Touch was the group's undisputed masterpiece. It's an epic meditation on intangibility. At the same time, it deepens and enriches the meaning of the preceding three albums. Listen to the brilliant ensemble playing of Banks, Collins and Rutherford. You can practically hear every nuance of every instrument. In terms of lyrical craftsmanship, the sheer songwriting, this album hits a new peak of professionalism. Take the lyrics to Land of Confusion. In this song, Phil Collins addresses the problems of abusive political authority. In Too Deep is the most moving pop song of the 1980s, about monogamy and commitment. The song is extremely uplifting. Their lyrics are as positive and affirmative as anything I've heard in rock.Shaun: Dear, God. You plagiarizing putz! That’s from “American Psycho.”Lauren: Yeah, that’s totally from “American Psycho.”Nick: Okay! Yeah, I took it from “American Psycho.” I left my honorable mentions for last and kind of ran out of things to say. I was hoping you guys wouldn’t notice since it’s from the year 2000.Brandon: But, it takes place in the eighties.Nick: I realize that now.Brandon: Anyway, those were good choices.Nick: No, they were GREAT choices!Brandon: Now for Beth’s honorable mentions.Beth: My first honorable mention is Kate Bush’s Hounds Of Love.*Kate Bush’s “Running Up That Hill” video plays: www.youtube.com/watch?v=wp43OdtAAkM Then, we go back to the Pack.* Beth: Much like Peter Gabriel’s So, Kate Bush made Hounds Of Love as a pop album but without sacrificing the things that made her music so unique, like her music’s complication structure, beautiful imagery, and extra-musical references. However, I felt Gabriel did a better job at making a pop album, which is why I chose his over hers. But, that doesn’t make Bush’s album any less great. My next honorable mention is the Talking Heads’ Remain In Light*Talking Head’s “Once In A Lifetime” video plays: www.youtube.com/watch?v=aca77Je7Jms Then, we go back to the Pack.* Beth: The Talking Heads were the weirdest band to be popular in the eighties. And, Remain In Light would mark as a transition from their art rock of the Seventies to their more popish-but no less artistic Eighties output. It was a big hit for the band, showing that music fans were going along for the ride with the band and up for whatever weird music they wanted to make. This was the hardest to keep off my list, but I knew I had to go with my other choices. Anyway, my final honorable mention is The Jacksons’ Victory.*The Jacksons’ “Torture” video plays: www.youtube.com/watch?v=DxSfQeCoFUM Then, we go back to the Pack.* Beth: Victory has the distinctions of being the only Jacksons album to feature all six brothers and the last Jacksons album to feature Michael Jackson. And, before its release, Michael had become the biggest pop star in the world. He had no reason to do this album other than for his brothers, but he did anyway, creating a competent album of slick contemporary R&B, occasionally goosed toward greatness by the appearance of one of pop music's most identifiable voices. Which is the same thing you can say about nearly the entire Jackson 5 catalog. I didn’t include this one on my main list because I already had two Michael albums on there. *realizes what she just said* Whoops.Brandon: It’s okay. We all had a feeling what your Number 1 was gonna be. Anyway, let’s move on with Lauren’s honorable mention.Lauren: Okay, my first honorable mention is the Pixies’ Doolittle.*The Pixies’ “Debaser” video plays: www.youtube.com/watch?v=PVyS9JwtFoQ Then, we go back to the Pack.* Lauren: Black Francis began to exert more control on this album, which is why I chose Surfer Rosa over it. But, it’s still classic Pixies. Doolittle reins in the noise in favor of pop songcraft and accessibility. Producer Gil Norton's sonic sheen adds some polish, but Black Francis' tighter songwriting focuses the group's attack. Doolittle's most ferocious moments, like "Dead," a visceral retelling of David and Bathsheba's affair, are more stylized than the group's past outbursts. Meanwhile, their poppy side surfaces on the irresistible single "Here Comes Your Man" and the sweetly surreal love song "La La Love You." The Pixies' arty, noisy weirdness mix with just enough hooks to produce gleefully demented singles like "Debaser," inspired by Jose Luis Bunuel's classic surrealist short Un Chien Andalou, and "Wave of Mutilation," their surfy ode to driving a car into the sea. Though Doolittle's sound is cleaner and smoother than the Pixies' earlier albums, there are still plenty of weird, abrasive vignettes: the blankly psychotic "There Goes My Gun," "Crackity Jones," a song about a crazy roommate Francis had in Puerto Rico, and the nihilistic finale "Gouge Away." Meanwhile, "Tame," and "I Bleed" continue the Pixies' penchant for cryptic kink. But the album doesn't just refine the Pixies' sound; they also expand their range on the brooding, wannabe spaghetti western theme "Silver" and the strangely theatrical "Mr. Grieves." "Hey" and "Monkey Gone to Heaven," on the other hand, stretch Francis' lyrical horizons: "Monkey"'s elliptical environmentalism and "Hey"'s twisted longing are the Pixies' versions of message songs and romantic ballads. Their most accessible album, Doolittle's wide-ranging moods and sounds make it one of their most eclectic and ambitious. A fun, freaky alternative to most other late-'80s college rock, it's easy to see why the album made the Pixies into underground rock stars. My next honorable mention is Siouxsie And The Banshees’ Tinderbox.*Siouxsie And The Banshees’ “Cities In Dust” video plays: www.youtube.com/watch?v=_hMagNuhLkk Then, we go back to the Pack.* Lauren: Tinderbox is the most musically up-tempo of all Siouxsie and the Banshees' albums and the most stylistically consistent one since The Scream and Join Hands. Most of the selections here feature urgently rocking drumming, drivingly aggressive yet fully textured guitar playing, and masterful, gutsy singing. The songs here are intense and unfold slowly, some starting off less vigorously but becoming hard rockers further along. There is of course a fine line between consistency and lack of contrast, but this album stays firmly on the side of the former. In fact, there's a certain satisfying feel to the musically uniform wall of sound here. The arrangements are less complex than in immediately preceding albums, but there are still plenty of subtle, effective production touches to be found throughout, most notably in the song "Cannons." "Cities in the Dust," a dance-pop number with a bell-like synthesizer opening section, stretches the above-mentioned boundaries the most, though typically bleak lyrics keep this selection from any sense of vacuity. This was my hardest choice to leave off my main list, but I felt that I had more of a connection and more to say about the other albums. So, it’s here. Anyway, my final honorable mention is Sonic Youth’s Daydream Nation.*Sonic Youth’s “Teenage Riot” video plays: www.youtube.com/watch?v=BKMD8vI1MaM Then, we go back to the Pack.* Lauren: By refining the song-oriented breakthroughs of Sister and developing their fascination with noise and alternate tunings, Sonic Youth created a masterpiece of post-punk art rock with the double-album Daydream Nation. Though the self-conscious sprawl of the album might appear self-indulgent on the surface, Daydream Nation is powered by a sustained vision, one that encapsulates all of the group's quirks and strengths. Alternating between tense, hypnotic instrumental passages and furious noise explosions, the music demonstrates a range of emotions and textures, and in many ways, it's hard not to listen to the record as one long piece of shifting dynamics. But the songs themselves are remarkable, from the anti-anthem of "Teen Age Riot" and the punky "Silver Rocket" to the hazy drug dreams of "Providence" and the rolling waves of "Eric's Trip." Daydream Nation demonstrates the extent to which noise and self-conscious avant art can be incorporated into rock, and the results are nothing short of stunning. Much like Tinderbox, this was a tough one to leave off my list, but again I had to go with my gut, which was more in tune with my official picks.Brandon: Lauren Jamison, surprising as always. Okay, let’s finish up the honorable mentions with Shaun.Shaun: My first honorable mention is Sports by Huey Lewis & The News.*Huey Lewis & The News’s “I Want A New Drug” video plays: www.youtube.com/watch?v=N6uEMOeDZsA Then, we go back to the Pack.* Shaun: I like the band’s nice pop rock sound. And, Huey Lewis as a nice voice. My second honorable mention is Whitney Houston by Whitney Houston.*Whitney Houston’s “How Will I Know” video plays: www.youtube.com/watch?v=m3-hY-hlhBg Then, we go back to the Pack.* Shaun: It’s a good album and was a great debut for Ms. Houston. My final honorable mention is She’s So Unusual by Cyndi Lauper.*Cyndi Lauper’s “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun” video plays: www.youtube.com/watch?v=PIb6AZdTr-A Then, we go back to the Pack.* Shaun: This was a good album, and I always liked how different Cyndi Lauper looked compared to other pop stars.Brandon: Okay. Again, you should explain why you didn’t put those on your official list.Shaun: Well, I liked the other albums more than those.Brandon: Very informative. Okay, we’ve now reached the big ones. The Number Ones. And, we start with mine. So, without further ado, my Number 1 is Dire Straits’ Brothers In Arms.*Dire Straits’ “Money For Nothing” video plays: www.youtube.com/watch?v=lAD6Obi7Cag Then, we go back to the Pack.* Brandon: It shouldn’t be surprising that I chose this album, especially since this album’s “Money For Nothing” is my entrance music. This cool track with its great computer animated video helped to make the band extremely popular, which ironically made them the rich musicians who easily make money for nothing that they were singing about. But what kept the record selling was Mark Knopfler's increased sense of pop songcraft. "Money for Nothing" had an indelible guitar riff. "Walk of Life" is a catchy up-tempo boogie variation on "Sultans of Swing." And, the melodies of the bluesy "So Far Away" and the down-tempo, Everly Brothers-style "Why Worry" were wistful and lovely. Dire Straits had never been so concise or pop-oriented, and it wore well on them. Though they couldn't maintain that consistency through the rest of the album—only the jazzy "Your Latest Trick" and the flinty "Ride Across the River" make an impact—Brothers in Arms remains one of their most focused and accomplished albums, and in its succinct pop sense, it's distinctive within their catalog. So, let’s move on to Nick’s Number 1.Nick: My Number 1 is U2’s The Joshua Tree.*U2’s “Where The Streets Have No Name” video plays: www.youtube.com/watch?v=GzZWSrr5wFI Then, we go back to the Pack.* Brandon: Good album.Nick: GREAT album.Brandon: Though, not shocking that you picked this.Nick: Yeah, but it was a no brainer for me. I had to go with it. For this album, the band immersed itself in America, in its music and culture, to make music that sounded nothing like the previous work but still quintessentially U2. A big part of this new sound was the Edge exploiting the poetic echo of digital delay, drowning his trademark arpeggios in rippling tremolo. One of the most moving songs is "Running to Stand Still," a stripped-down slide-guitar ballad about heroin addiction. Of course, the album is more known for its epic opener “Where The Streets Have No Name” and "I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For," a rock anthem with a gospel soul, but its best songs are the darker ones, like “Bullet The Blue Sky,” “One Tree Hill,” and “Mothers Of The Disappeared.” So it might seem a little ironic that U2 became superstars on the back of such a dark record, but their focus has never been clearer, nor has their music been catchier, than on The Joshua Tree. For the most part this is an album that turns spiritual quests and political struggles into uplifting stadium sing-alongs. Brandon: Well put. Now, we move on to Beth’s Number 1, which also probably isn’t much of a shocker, is it?Beth: It’s not. I chose Michael Jackson’s Thriller.*Michael Jackson’s “Beat It” video plays: www.youtube.com/watch?v=oRdxUFDoQe0 Then, we go back to the Pack.* Beth: Michael Jackson towered over the Eighties the way Elvis Presley dominated the Fifties, and the reason why is Thriller. The best selling album of all time with sixty-five million copies sold. And, it will never be top. It’s not hard to see why. On Thriller, the child R&B star ripened into a Technicolor soulman: a singer, dancer and songwriter with incomparable crossover instincts. Jackson and producer Quincy Jones established the something-for-everyone template with 1979's Off the Wall, a crisp fusion of pop hooks and dance beats. On Thriller, the pair heightened the sheen with "The Girl Is Mine," pumped up the theater with the title track and deepened the funk with “P.Y.T.” He even rocked out with “Beat It.” But the most thrilling thing was the autobiography busting through the gloss: the hiss of denial on "Billie Jean"; the to-hell-with-haters strut of "Wanna Be Startin' Somethin'." Jackson was at the peak of his art and adulthood. He would never top Thriller, but its success would make his work after hyped up events the likes of which we’ll never see again.Brandon: Normally, I’d accuse you of hyperbole; but it’s hard to argue with those numbers and that music.Beth: Damn straight.Brandon: Okay. Onto Lauren’s Number 1. I would say that I have a hunch about her top choice, but she’s surprised us all throughout. So, I don’t know what she’s picking.Lauren: Oh, c’mon! My number is totally Madonna’s Like A Prayer.Brandon: Damn! I’ve been surprised by the choice I figured you’d pick. *Madonna’s “Like A Prayer” video plays: www.youtube.com/watch?v=79fzeNUqQbQ Then, we go back to the Pack.* Lauren: Madonna is just the best, and this is her greatest album. It is pop music at it’s finest. And, a big reason for that is that Madonna finally achieved her ultimate goal of merging commerce with art.Brandon: Excuse me? Lauren: As the Material Girl once famously said, "I like the challenge of merging art and commerce." And, out of all of her albums, Like a Prayer is her most explicit attempt at a major artistic statement. Even though it is apparent that she is trying to make a "serious" album, the kaleidoscopic variety of pop styles on Like a Prayer is quite dazzling. She won artistic recognition with her most personal set of songs to date. The lyrics deals with themes from Madonna's childhood and adolescence, such as the death of her mother in "Promise to Try," the importance of family in "Keep It Together," and her relationship with her harsh father in "Oh Father." Madonna also preaches female empowerment in "Express Yourself," in which she expresses a 30-year-old's view of life unshadowed by rebellion and lingering lapsed Catholic pain. "Till Death Do Us Part" is about the violent dissolution of Madonna's marriage to Sean Penn; it’s an anxious jumpy ballad that describes a marriage wracked with drinking, violent quarrels and a possessive, self-hating husband. Its ending finds the couple locked by their unbreakable marriage vows into a miserable cul-de-sac. Madonna noted that could have happened to her and Penn had they followed the Roman Catholic doctrine and not filed for divorce. "Dear Jessie" was inspired by her songwriter Patrick Leonard's daughter. It is a musical fantasia about pink elephants, lemonade and the land of make-believe, offers a stylish swatch of late Beatles-style psychedelia. The album also includes themes of love on "Cherish" and "Love Song," a yowling come-hither duet with Prince. "Spanish Eyes" is said to have "confronted the still-taboo issue of AIDS." But, she also found commerce as most of the songs on the album were hits, like "Express Yourself" and the title track, whose infamous video had the Vatican talking about blasphemy and Pepsi backing out of her endorsement deal. All in all, Like A Prayer was nothing like anything she had put out at the time. Madonna displayed a commanding sense of songcraft, making this her best and most consistent album.*Everyone just stares at her.* Lauren: Why does everyone keep staring at me like that?Nick: Um… Your hair looks really nice today…Lauren: Aw, thanks.Brandon: Okay, let’s finish this up with Shaun’s Number 1 pick.Shaun: My Number 1 pick is Crushin’ by The Fat Boys.*The Fat Boys’ “Wipeout” video plays: www.youtube.com/watch?v=r-kAnNgqN9o Then, we go back to the Pack.* Nick: Are you f***ing serious? You chose those f***ing jokes as your Number 1 pick? You could have chosen any great hip hop album, but you picked The Fat Boys!? I mean, my God! Lauren picked a better rap album than yours!? Hell, all of her picks were miles better than your Number 1!? I mean, they did have some mad skills, especially the Human Beat Box, but they f***ing made a song with the Beach Boys. They nearly ruined two different music genres with one song! Why in the hell did you pick this!?Shaun: Well, I thought they were funny.Nick: Are you messing with us? Are we on Candid Camera? I mean, you they were funny!? SERIOUSLY!?Shaun: Hey! I don’t see why you are getting so offended. You only picked one hip-hop album for your list. And, it was at the bottom.Brandon: He’s got you there.Nick: Yeah… but… Aw, screw it…Brandon: Well… I guess that does it for us here. *Killing Joke’s “Eighties” plays: www.youtube.com/watch?v=x1U1Ue_5kq8 * Brandon: We’re The Breakfast Pack, we’re signing off with a good night, and a friendly reminder to…Everyone: CHOOSE BREAKFAST!!!!
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Post by Seth Drakin of Monster Crap on Aug 15, 2014 23:59:19 GMT -5
Jerry: I'm here with the man who is still the world champion although I am not proud to call him one, Seth Drakin.
Seth: You upset about something?
Jerry: I think everyone in this company is. What are you thinking, doing what you did? Not only did you end a man's career here in FAWA, but you went further than that and may have made sure the man may never walk again. I can't believe you did that.
Seth: Jerry, Jerry, Jerry...did you not hear what I said earlier. I didn't want to end that man's career, but he put it on the line along with his stakes in the company and if he just decided to come back at some point, it would be lying to these fans. So what I did out there was make sure that you will never see Antihero here again. I want all of you people to understand that if I am going to put ending your career on my list of accomplishments, I'm going to make sure you can never take that away. And I did exactly that.
Jerry: Well, I think what you did is still despicable, but moving on...with that victory, apparently you have the stakes in the company now so what should we expect from the new boss.
Seth: Like I said out in that ring, I'm not going to abuse my power like everyone else here in this company not named Seth Drakin. What I am going to do with those stakes is give it to someone who I believe will play fair.
Jerry: Well, I'm afraid of what that will mean, but I guess we will have to find that out next week.
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Post by Seth Drakin of Monster Crap on Aug 23, 2014 23:05:00 GMT -5
Good evening, this is your new boss here in the Freakin' Awesome Wrestling Alliance, Jessica Drakin. This upcoming show will be of course be my first show as the authority figure here.
So unfortunately, I only have one match to announce for next week's show and it will be a tag team match. In one corner, we will be have for the first time, "The Comedian" Bobby Riggs and Sorrow (who have been partners in crime on the Comedy Club segment) will see what they can do as a team. Their opponents will be more of a mish-mash team as really the only thing they have in common is their disdain for Bobby Riggs and Sorrow and that team will be Michael Rose and his partner for the night, AmericAnt.
But like I said, that is the only match to announce for now, if anyone else wants to be on the show, all they have to do is ask and I have also been talking with talent from the past and maybe future talent about coming here.
That is all for now, but stay tuned as I am sure you will see more of these videos in my future as the person making decisions for this company.
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The Blue Nova
Don Corleone
Sigs/Avatars cannot exceed 1MB
Posts: 1,385
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Post by The Blue Nova on Aug 29, 2014 1:01:09 GMT -5
They cue back to an empty locker room where they see a leather jacket and a guitar in the trash can They show a person in a mask and a shirt and tie talking to a doll*
See Alies just great another week and another week I am not booked!!! every time i try to get book they say who?!? I do not even know who I am anymore I guess I am CW Who. I think that I should finally get my shot look at me I am a snappy dresser I can get over!!!! Just pin me and Pay me!!!! I am challenging anyone in the locker room to a match and I will make you remember my name.
*Laughs maniacally as fade to black*
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Post by Seth Drakin of Monster Crap on Aug 30, 2014 16:10:00 GMT -5
Good day, this is the authority figure for FAWA, Jessica Drakin.
Now I know last week, we had only one show and I will work to fix that this week as we actually have three matches.
The two matches that will happen off of the tag match last week.
After last week's victory for Comedy & Tragedy, Bobby Riggs has demanded a rematch against AmericAnt from AmericAnt's first match and victory. I have decided to grant him the request despite not taking too kindly to talent making demands here.
However, I have decided that his partner Sorrow, unlike the first time, will be tied up this time as he will have a match against Michael Rose.
Finally, the superstar formerly known as Cody Wyatt, who now calls himself CW Who, will be in action. Now I know last time he was here CW didn't feel he got a fair shake so I plan to give him his opportunity to prove himself here in FAWA. Now all that has to be done is for CW to live up to his end and prove that he belongs in FAWA and deserves better opportunities.
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Post by Hulkshi Tanahashi on Sept 11, 2014 22:16:34 GMT -5
*Killing Joke’s “Eighties” plays: www.youtube.com/watch?v=x1U1Ue_5kq8 A graphic that says “Living In The Eighties” pops up onto the screen. We then open onto a room with Eighties memorabilia all over the wall. Sitting in front of the wall is The Breakfast Pack. They all are wearing their non-wrestling attire: Brandon: denim coat, a Choose Breakfast shirt, blue jeans, biker’s glove, and Doc Martin’s; Nick: a letterman’s jacket, a Choose Breakfast T-shirt, and jeans; Beth: black sweater, plaid scarf, long skirt, and Doc Martin’s; Lauren: an expensive white European blouse and blue jeans; and Shaun: plaid shirt, khakis, white socks, and black shoes. Sitting at the far left is Brandon Barger, and to his left, in order, is Nick Britt, Beth Graham, Lauren Jamison, and Shaun Clark.* Brandon: Hello, and welcome to yet another episode of Living In The Eighties. We are, once again, your hosts with the most, The Breakfast Pack. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again—this show is designed to let all you Breakfast Packers out there in TV land to get to know the best, baddest, and bitchin’est group to ever come to the Freakin’ Awesome Wrestling Alliance. I am the leader of this Eighties Envoy, Brandon Barger. To my left is the charming, charismatic, Clydesdale, Nick Britt.Nick: Hello. I would like to start by apologizing to my high school girlfriend Karren Walker. I’m sorry for the remarks I made on the last show, and I’m sorry I stood outside your house, holding a boombox playing Peter Gabriel’s “In Your Eyes.” I understand now that our relationship is long over. And, the restraining order is a good reminder.Brandon: And, now you know why there was such a delay between this and the last episode. Anyway, to Nick’s left is the goofy Goth girl, Beth Graham.Beth: Goofy? Who are you callin’ goofy?Brandon: I just said that for alliteration.Beth: You better have.Brandon: Okay! Moving on, we have the voluptuous valley girl, Lauren Jamison.Lauren: Um… thanks, but could you like totally cool it with the alliteration?Brandon: Never! And, finally, we have our dorky dweeb, Shawn Clark.Shaun: I hate you.Brandon: Terrific… terrific… Okay, as I mentioned in our last two episodes, we figured that one of the best ways to get to know someone is to learn about what they like. Someone’s favorite movie, TV show, book, et cetera, tells you a lot about a person. So, like we did with movies and music, we’re gonna share our…*A graphic appears on the screen as Brandon is talking.* Brandon: Top 5 TV Shows Of The Eighties. *The graphic goes away as they all clap and cheer.* Brandon: Alright. I’ll go first, since I have done so for the last two installments. Now, my number 5 is… *drumroll plays* L.A. Law! *The L.A. Law theme song plays: www.youtube.com/watch?v=DouX9Ubw-Xw Then, we go back to the Pack.* Brandon: This was a pretty cool show about lawyers in Los Angeles. My mom loved this show and pretty much me and my dad watch it. My dad hated it, but I got into it. It had a lot of cool moments, like that lesbian kiss and that one lady falling down an elevator shaft. It was like a soap opera but not low brow. It was smart but didn’t make you feel dumb. It was a socially minded but not preachy. Well, it was a little preachy, but it didn’t feel that way.Lauren: You know what I liked about L.A. Law?Brandon: Let me guess—it’s fearlessness to talk about the social issues of the era.Lauren: No… Blair Underwood. That man was totally hot. And, he’s just like gotten even hotter.Beth: Amen sister.Nick: I don’t know. I always found Jimmy Smits sexier.*Everyone looks at him funny.* Nick: What? A straight man can’t find another straight man attractive?Brandon: No… no! It’s cool. So, Nick, why don’t you continue the show with your Number 5?Nick: Okay. My Number 5 is Simon & Simon.*The Simon & Simon theme song plays: www.youtube.com/watch?v=IDhz_mVcVCQ Then, we go back to the Pack.* Brandon: Good show.Nick: GREAT show! This was a pretty cool show a p.i. show with two brothers, Rick and A.J. Take a guess what their last name was? Anyway, Rick was a former Marine and the tough, street smart guy, while A.J. went to college, being the sophisticated, book smart brother. It was the classic scenario of two partners who were different and had to work together. And, it had plenty of good action, like any good Eighties crime show. Brandon: Short but sweet.Lauren: You know what I liked about Simon & Simon?Brandon: The interesting dynamic of familial bonds overcoming personality differences?Lauren: No… Gerald McRainey. He had a Earthy quality to him that I found strangely attractive.Brandon: Okay. Now, let’s move on to Beth’s Number 5.Beth: My Number 5 is Newhart.*The Newhart theme song plays: www.youtube.com/watch?v=g0StDroRiCs Then, we go back to the Pack.* Beth: This show started out normal. Bob Newhart played Dick Louden, a man who moved to Vermont to run a cozy inn. And, in it’s first two seasons, that’s what the show was pretty much about. But then, the suits at CBS had some notes for the show’s writers. And, amazingly, these notes were to add more weird characters and situations. It may be the first time the suits were right as making Bob Newhart play to straight man to a bunch of weirdoes, most notably Larry, his brother Darryl, and his other brother Darryl, would be hilarious. The show just got weirder and funnier, eventually culminating in a hilarious series finale that revealed that the whole show was a dream of Dr. Bob Hartley, Newhart’s character from his first TV show in the seventies. It just goes to show you that crazy can equal comedy.Brandon: Nice.Lauren: You know what I liked about Newhart?Brandon: The show’s experimentation into surrealism?Lauren: No… Peter Scolari. He was so cute for a short guy.Brandon: Okay. Well, it’s your turn. So, what’s your Number 5?Lauren: Frank’s Place.Brandon: What?*The Frank’s Place theme song plays: www.youtube.com/watch?v=kpig9t0VdEE Then, we go back to the Pack.* Brandon: I have never heard of this show before.Lauren: Well, that’s no surprising. Frank’s Place comes from the versatile pen of WKRP in Cincinnati creator Hugh Wilson. Set in a sleepy restaurant in New Orleans, the series boasted a great cast of mostly black faces and some of the signature weirdness Wilson had brought to WKRP, including a voodoo curse that kicks off the whole series. At its most basic level, though, Frank’s Place is a moving show about the power of community and what it means to find the place you belong, even though you thought you belonged somewhere else entirely. The show’s sprawling cast, headlined by the terrific Tim Reid, sentimental-but-not-cloying writing, lack of laugh track, and use of original jazz music marked it as substantially different from anything else airing on TV at the time. Critics loved it, and the Emmys responded in kind, but audiences couldn’t have been less interested, and the show was canceled after one season. Wilson never quite seemed to recover from the show’s failure, but he left behind yet another beloved cult show with its blend of film-like rhythms and hard-earned sentimentality that set it apart from much of the decade’s output.Brandon: Lauren Jamison, always a surprise. Now, let’s finish up the Number 5’s with Shaun’s pick.Shaun: My Number 5 is Star Trek: The Next Generation.*The Star Trek: The Next Generation theme song plays: www.youtube.com/watch?v=HnDtvZXYHgE Then, we go back to the Pack.* Brandon: I would say that I’m surprised you put this so low, but after the last episode. Anyway, why did you pick this?Shaun: Well, I like Star Trek, and this was the one that started in the Eighties. So, it’s here.Brandon: I’m guessing that’s it.Shaun: Yes, it is.Brandon: Very well. Let’s move on. My Number 4 is Remote Control.*The Remote Control theme song plays: www.youtube.com/watch?v=_RKamrCuwEE Then, we go back to the Pack.* Brandon: This was the best game show ever! You had Ken Ober, Colin Quinn, and the bodacious Kari Wurher presiding over a show that destroyed all those old game show clichés. The questions were usually presented as skits. The categories had cool names like “Dead Or Canadian” and “Celebrity Flesh.” The contestants were thrown off the show in their chairs. Denis Leary would show up and get into fights with Colin. It was great! There had been nothing like it on game shows and gave the genre a good kick in the ass! It also made MTV more than just a music channel, which would later come back to bite us viewers in the ass. But, if the channel would air cool shows like this again, then things wouldn’t be so bad. Anyway, let’s move on to Nick’s Number 4.Nick: Alright! My Number 4 is Hunter.*The Hunter theme song plays: www.youtube.com/watch?v=FiZaqhuL6nU Then, we go back to the Pack.* Brandon: Good show.Nick: GREAT show! Imagine if Dirty Harry had a kickass chick for a partner. That’s Hunter. The show starred Fred Dryer and Stephanie Kramer as these L.A.P.D. detectives who solve crimes with sheer force. Now, this usually ended with the criminals ending up dead. And, the show sometimes seems like a stereotypical Eighties crime drama with shocking acts of violence pasted on for no apparent reason. But, it remains worth watching for the ways it pushed at the era’s envelope. This show wasn’t afraid to get gritty and violent, paving the way for shows to come.Brandon: Okay, let’s move on to Beth’s Number 4.Beth: My Number 4 is St. Elsewhere.*The St. Elsewhere theme song plays: www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZdNXBgces1Q Then, we go back to the Pack.* Beth: Taking place in the crumbling St. Eligius hospital in Boston, St. Elsewhere had a huge ensemble cast, storytelling packed with social issues, and ongoing plotlines. Its biggest innovation over previous medical dramas: patients died on St. Elsewhere. That made the show too grim for some viewers, but opened up space for hospital dramas to come. The show’s other innovations came from its often-experimental writing. There were weeks when St. Elsewhere could be as much a comedy as a drama, with a great, gritty sense of when laughter could punctuate drama to deepen the pathos. It was also wildly innovative with the different kinds of stories it told. Characters from other series crossed over. There were numerous references to earlier shows the writers loved and revered. There was rampant meta-commentary about the show’s consistently low ratings and the threat of cancellation. And, the writers didn’t think episodes had to begin and end with the treatment of patients. A memorable fifth-season episode involved one character having a hallucination (or was it a vision?) of the afterlife. The fourth-season episode “Time Heals,” one of the great episodes of TV drama, told the story of St. Eligius throughout its entire history over two hours of spellbinding television in which tiny events in the past rippled outward into the present. Even the series finale was an ambitious experiment, revealing that the entire show had been the vision of an autistic kid. Though, that worked better on Newhart. And, many viewers complained about it. But, that doesn’t change that this was a good show with an airtight ensemble and that relished in seeing just how far the premise of the show could be pushed before it stopped being a hospital drama.Brandon: Well said. Now, let’s move on to Lauren’s Number 4.Lauren: My Number 4 is Blackadder.Brandon: Blackadder? What the hell is that?Lauren: Only one of the finest British sitcoms ever made!*The Blackadder theme song plays: www.youtube.com/watch?v=qzCJegFK2Ec Then, we go back to the Pack.* Lauren: Technically, it was four shows in one, as each series, which is what they call seasons in the U.K., depicts a conniving member of the Blackadder clan in different generations of British history. The first was Prince Edmund, the Black Adder, the son of the fictional king Richard the Fourth in medieval England during the War Of The Roses. The second was Edmund, Lord Blackadder, an advisor to Queen Elizabeth the First. The third was Edmund Blackadder, Esquire, the butler to Prince George during the Regency, when George was made the Prince Regent after his father became unable to act as king. And, the fourth was Captain Edmund Blackadder, an officer in the British Army during World War I. The show played fast and loose with history, mainly using it to make fun of certain trends of the series’ eras. But, the whole show had a main theme. In each series, Blackadder has to suffer many fools, charlatans, and dweebs. He’s a man who’s smarter than most of the people around him, especially those he serves under, and is constantly scheming to either get more power or save his own ass. And, each series showed that no matter how much the times change, stupidity, greed, and dishonesty remains a part of human nature, causing most of the unpleasant aspects of history. This is greatly represented in the show’s fantastic series finale in which Capt. Blackadder, who had spent most of the series trying to get out of the war and not die, could no longer escape his fate and charged over the trenches into no man’s land with his friends. Edmund dies like so many men did in the war, pointlessly at the whims of men who happened to be more powerful than them. It was a dark, cynical show that offered a little optimism in its black comedy, proving that laughter can get anyone through any horrible fate.Brandon: Okay… That was… Something… Let’s move on. Shaun, your Number 4.Shaun: My Number 4 is Small Wonder.*The Small Wonder theme song plays: www.youtube.com/watch?v=81Oe03Z39rA Then, we go back to the Pack.* Brandon: That stupid show with the little girl robot?Shaun: Yes, that’s it.Nick: Dude! Why would you pick that stupid show!?Shaun: Well, it was funny. And, I thought the premise was smart. That’s all I got.Brandon: Okay. Onto the threes. My Number 3 is G.I. Joe.*The G.I. Joe theme song plays: www.youtube.com/watch?v=gc8mVs2H4Vc Then, we go back to the Pack.* Brandon: Yeah, I know it was a cartoon; but it was an awesome cartoon. You had G.I. Joe, a counterterrorist organization, fighting the evil Cobra. Each week, they shot lasers at one another. And, the best part, they were toys. So, you could play along. It was a kick-ass cartoon that made kid show’s more violent, which is a great way to let them know how violent the world is.Shaun: But, is that not a bad thing? And, doesn’t exposing kids to violence early on make them violent in adulthood?Brandon: Hey! I watched it as a kid, and I turned out fine.*Suddenly, a fly lands on the table next to Brandon. Brandon smashes it, destroying the table. He then picks up one of the legs and smashes it mercilessly over and over again! He eventually stops and drops the leg.* Brandon: Okay. Time for Nick’s Number 3.Nick: Okay… Um… My Number 3 is Remington Steele.*The Remington Steele theme song plays: www.dailymotion.com/video/xtprsy_remington-steele-intro_shortfilms Then, we go back to the Pack.* Brandon: Good show.Nick: GREAT show! This show had a killer premise. You had Laura Holt, played by total hottie Stephanie Zimbalist, a female private investigator who had trouble getting hired by clients because of sexism—they all refused to hire a woman P.I. So, she invents this fake male persona, Remington Steele, to be her boss. It works for a while. But then, this one client insists on having Steele personally protect his shipment of rare jewels. But, she lucks out when this shady man played by Pierce Brosnan, who was hanging around looking for profitable opportunities, well-knowingly steps into the role of Remington Steele against Laura Holt's wishes. However, she now has to go along with him being Remington Steele since he’s firmly established himself as Steele. So, the whole series is pretty much Pierce Brosnan being James Bond a decade before he became Bond. And, the chemistry between Brosnan and Zimbalist was hot. Plus, it was enlightening in trying to get people to take Laura seriously as a detective.Brandon: Brosnan was a good Bond. Too bad it was in the Nineties.All: Ugh… Nineties… *They all spit.* Brandon: Okay. Now, for Beth’s Number 3. Beth.Beth: My Number 3 is Family Ties.*The Family Ties theme song plays: www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZdzfOowQ0xY Then, we go back to the Pack.* Beth: Created by producer Gary David Goldberg, Family Ties followed the Keatons of Ohio, a family begat by aged hippies who had settled down into a respectable liberal life in the Columbus suburbs, only to find their oldest child, son Alex, was a Reagan-worshipping Republican. Where the Seventies TV landscape was littered with shows that tackled political and social issues, the networks shied away from series in this vein in the Eighties, believing that fatigued audiences wanted simple, silly shows. Family Ties was far less politically loaded than All In The Family or Maude, but the series at least attempted to engage with the United States’ rightward shift and understand people like Alex. Furthermore, Goldberg assembled a great cast. Michael Gross and Meredith Baxter became the era’s epitome of good TV parents, while Michael J. Fox became a megastar. It’s easy to forget how versatile and funny an actor Fox can be, but watching any given episode of Family Ties, even an awful one, makes clear just why he became so famous so quickly. He was charismatic talent that could easily elevate the material he was given, no matter how good or poor its quality was. A lot of Eighties shows turned to Family Ties for inspiration, but the original remains the best of the decade’s high-concept family sitcoms.Brandon: Good choice, but did your crush on Fox have anything to do with it?Beth: NO!*Brandon looks at her with disbelief.* Beth: Okay, a little.Brandon: Still a good choice. Okay. Moving on, I can’t imagine what Lauren has picked for her Number 3.Lauren: My Number 3 can be summed up with one letter: V.*The V theme song plays: www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wa2aCC-1JEs Then, we go back to the Pack.* Lauren: Now, I know it was a miniseries. But, it spawned a sequel and a full-blown series. So, I figured it could count. Besides, it deserves to be mentioned for being one of the best miniseries of the decade. While most miniseries in the 1980s were a bit soap opera-ish. V was different. With its then-impressive special effects and creepy scenes of rodent consumption, the 1983 miniseries became a nationwide event, offering a vision of history repeating itself when seemingly friendly aliens land and quickly insinuate themselves into human civilization. But beneath those clean-scrubbed human faces and Nazi iconography and social practices, they hide a serpentine secret, one that prompts skeptics to form a resistance movement. As I said, V spawned a sequel, V: The Final Battle, and a spin-off series and later a remake, but neither found the tone of cheesy effectiveness that marked Kenneth Johnson's original. As a parable about it-can-happen-here fascism, V was far from subtle. The show was a bit obvious with its inspiration from Nazi Germany and World War II, but it took that inspiration to inspired heights by applying it to a global scale with great sci-fi action. It also contained genuinely shocking moments, like the aliens eating ginea pigs and the birth of the half-alien baby. And, it carved a place for lavish and intelligent sci-fi on TV.Brandon: I’m kind of surprised that you’re a V fan.Lauren: Well, I tuned in for Marc Singer. I stayed for the sci-fi allegory.Brandon: Okay. Let’s finish the threes with Shaun’s Number 3.Shaun: My Number 3 is Mr. Belvedere.*The Mr. Belvedere theme song plays: www.youtube.com/watch?v=GPhojHwGjkE Then, we go back to the Pack.* Brandon: Seriously!? That show? Why?Shaun: I liked the idea of a regular suburban family having a butler.Brandon: Okay. Is that it?Shaun: I also thought Bob Uecker was funny.Brandon: Well, it’s hard to argue with that last bit. Anyway, onto the twos. My Number 2 is Dallas.*The Dallas theme song plays: www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZsVZUJVVaIE Then, we go back to the Pack.* Brandon: Yeah, I know it began in the Seventies, but the apex of the show’s popularity came in the early Eighties, and of the major soaps of the era, it’s the one that remains the most entertaining today. The show focused on the trials and tribulations of the Ewings, a rich oil family living and working in Dallas. J.R. Ewing, played by the late, great Larry Hagman, is one of the all-time great TV heels, a guy who simultaneously made audiences root for his death and for his success at crushing his enemies. And, yes, the show went on far too long, and yes, some of the cliffhangers strained to re-attain the instant pop-culture status of “Who shot J.R.?,” and yes, the dream season was a terrible idea. But, Dallas is still a lot of fun to watch. Even its later, flawed seasons have a sprawling cast filled with fun characters and the occasional gem of an episode. Heck, it was so watchable that they brought it back on TNT. Producer Lee Rich shepherded the show, and though Dallas was far more over-the-top than his previous series, The Waltons, both reflected his interest in the ways that families hang together and fall apart. Okay, let’s move on to Nick’s Number 2.Nick: My Number 2 is Magnum, P.I.*The Dallas theme song plays: www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZsVZUJVVaIE Then, we go back to the Pack.* Brandon: Good show.Nick: GREAT show! Now, a lot of people would say that Magnum, P.I. isn’t great television. Well… Those people are somewhat right. But, it is endlessly watchable television. And, it’s not nearly as formulaic as its reputation suggests. The show experimented at times, such as an episode where Thomas Magnum got trapped under an old World War 2 plane for most of an episode and another that cuts back and forth between a female pulp writer’s trashy novel and Magnum’s real case that closely mirrors it. Though it was nowhere near as serialized as, Hill Street Blues, the characters grew and changed over time. Hell, the whole point of the series was to get Thomas Magnum, who took up the private investigator life because he felt he never got to be a kid, back to being a mature adult. It even had an interesting mystery in the identity Robin Masters, at whose behest Magnum lived so easily, grew over the course of the series. The show was a testament to the strength of solid writing and likable actors on TV. Bellisario has always been a solid craftsman, and his scripts tend to emphasize fun, tough-guy action. Plus, it made Tom Selleck one of the biggest TV stars of all time and featured a fun John Hillerman performance as Higgins. All in all, it was a cool show and an entertaining way to kill an hour.Brandon: Okay, let’s move on to Beth’s Number 2.Beth: Okay. My Number 2 is The Cosby Show.*The Cosby Show theme song plays: www.youtube.com/watch?v=V_oGFvYtSFc Then, we go back to the Pack.* Beth: The Cosby Show dominated the Eighties landscape like All In The Family did before it and Seinfeld would do after it. It was a bit of a gamble giving Bill Cosby his own show as he previous ones weren’t very successful. But, once NBC and critics saw the pilot, it was obvious the show would be a hit. So much so that NBC made it the building block of its Thursday night, setting up its three-decade dominance over the night. And, the thing that made the show work was giving Bill Cosby carte blanche over his show. He got to create a decidedly low-concept, gimmick-free show centered on an affluent African-American family. His show was simply warm, funny, and humane. It was legitimately like nothing on the air at the time, and populated by a proven TV star, a funny, sexy woman to play his foil, and a bunch of amusing kids. What made The Cosby Show so different was its episodes’ stories. There are no big plots. There often weren’t plots at all. The whole idea of the show was to come up with an extremely basic sitcom situation, drop Cosby into the middle of it, and let him do some funny things. This absence of structure grew enervating over the show’s run, especially as the series kept expanding the central Huxtable family to include more children and grandchildren to compensate for the aging of the five original kids. But in that first season, it never felt forced. This was just a funny, normal family, and hanging out with them for Thanksgiving dinner or a goldfish funeral always promised at least one or two amusing moments. And at the center was Cosby, a consummate mugger who lapped up audience laughter. The Cosby Show no longer feels revolutionary thirty years after it debuted, but it brought plenty to the TV landscape, beyond just being the mega-hit that saved the sitcom business.Brandon: Well said. Now for Lauren’s Number 2.Lauren: My Number 2 is Hill Street Blues.*The Hill Street Blues theme song plays: www.youtube.com/watch?v=oUX3TPKVf_Y Then, we go back to the Pack.* Brandon: Really? You liked that show?Lauren: Totally! In 1980, Steven Bocho was asked by the legendary TV producing company, MTM, to create a cop show for NBC. He was hesitant at first, but Bochco’s reluctance faded once he paired with fellow writer Michael Kozoll, who shared his interest in getting to know police officers as characters and not as interchangeable crime-solving parts. MTM gave them carte blanche and went to the wall with NBC, first getting the network to pick up Hill Street Blues, then convincing it to renew after a little-watched first season, making it the lowest-rated program ever to be renewed up until that time. The innovations it brought to TV drama reads like a laundry list of elements we now take for granted. Characters had interpersonal relationships that didn’t stop at the end of each episode and deepened over time. Although the cases in each episode were usually sewn up by the end, the show’s universe was affected by previous events, meaning that Bochco and Kozoll were able to build an entire world centered on one police precinct in a run-down, crime-ridden neighborhood. The two brought in the sort of soapy relationship material that worked for Dallas, getting viewers interested in who was sleeping with whom and the cops’ occasionally oddball home lives. Furthermore, the ensemble was massive for its time, and while Bochco and Kozoll had a lead in Daniel J. Travanti’s Captain Frank Furillo, they lavished just as much attention on supporting characters. Multiple storylines took place within the same episode, and there was no guarantee that any given one would end with that particular episode. It was shot in a faux-verité style, the camera moving freely and characters often talking over each other as the show tackled the world of early-’80s inner cities, where poverty and rot had created a neighborhoods where just walking to your car at night could mean danger. Two characters were seemingly shot to death in the show’s pilot. Another two ended the episode in bed together. It was unlike any other television show up until that point and would influence many others to come. Brandon: Okay. To finish out the Number 2’s, here’s Shaun’s pick.Shaun: My Number 2 is Diff’rent Strokes.*The Diff’rent Strokes theme song plays: www.youtube.com/watch?v=iAwagCwJj-g Then, we go back to the Pack. There’s a pause. Everyone looks at Shaun, waiting for him to speak. Eventually, Nick breaks the silence.* Nick: Dude! You gonna explain why you like that show!?Shaun: Well, usually you guys question my choice. So, I was just waiting for that to happen.Nick: Well, I technically just did. So, go on!Shaun: Okay. I thought it was funny.Brandon: That it?Shaun: Gary Coleman was funny, rest in peace.Brandon: Anything else?Shaun: No. That is all I got.Brandon: Very well. Time for the honorable mentions. As we did for the movies and the albums, choosing just 5 picks for best TV shows of the Eighties was a difficult task. So, once again, we will recognize three TV shows we really wanted to feature on our list but couldn’t. I’ll go first as usual. My first honorable mention is the WWF.*The WWF’s Coliseum Video theme song plays: www.youtube.com/watch?v=1qUDLL-2bf0 Then, we go back to the Pack.* Brandon: One of the reasons I became a wrestler was because of the WWF in the Eighties. Watching guys like Hulk Hogan, “Macho Man” Randy Savage, “Rowdy” Roddy Piper, and The Ultimate Warrior go at it was great. With such great feuds and stories like the Mega-Powers Explode, Paul Orndorff VS Hulk Hogan, and the Million Dollar Man screwing Hogan out of his title, the WWF was great to watch. And, I really wanted to put this on my list. However, I just didn’t know what to pick. Do I go with Superstars, Saturday Night’s Main Event, or the pay-per-views. It was just too much to choose from. So, I ultimately decided to save it for the honorable mentions. As for my second one, it’s Transformers.*The Transformers theme song plays: www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ae-Pl-Q34ng Then, we go back to the Pack.* Brandon: Yeah, another cartoon, but like G.I. Joe, this cartoon rocked. It was robots that turn into kick-ass vehicles shooting lasers at one another. Great stuff. And, it had a cool story with the good Autobots taking on the evil Decepticons. And, also like G.I. Joe, it had a great toyline. Probably the best toy ever! I mean, it’s two toys in one! If you get tired playing with the robot, you can change it into a car or a jet fighter and continue on. Though, I have to admit I like the toys more than the show. G.I. Joe was the opposite—I liked the show more than the toys. Which is why Transformers is an honorable mention and G.I. Joe is on the main list. And, my final honorable mention is MTV.*An “I Want My MTV” commercial plays: www.youtube.com/watch?v=jWaq0vwI4oc Then, we go back to the Pack.* Brandon: MTV was great in the Eighties. It was nothing but music videos all the time. Sure, it was broken up by special events, like that big news doc when Michael Jackson’s hair caught fire or the Video Music Awards. And, Remote Control came along, marking the begin of non-music video programs. But, when they played nothing but music videos, MTV was the best. This channel brought a whole new medium to music and changed the industry as videos made visuals just as important as the music. With great videos from the likes of Madonna, Michael Jackson, Peter Gabriel, and others, the youth of the Eighties had a new opportunity to see and hear the music they liked in a whole new way. This was the hardest to leave off my main list, but I thought Remote Control was a better choice since it was an actual show and represented a time when MTV was still cool and not just a repository for reality TV shows. Though, that Teen Wolf show is pretty cool. Anyway, let’s move on to Nick’s honorable mentions.Nick: My first honorable mention is the NFL.*“Are You Ready For Some Football?” plays: www.youtube.com/watch?v=K8LLKO0-PAE Then, we go back to the Pack.* Nick: The Eighties was the best decade for football. You had great players like Walter Payton, Marcus Allen, Joe Montana, Lawrence Taylor, Eric Dickerson, and Jerry Rice making awesome plays and leading their teams to the Super Bowl. Well, not Dickerson. Anyway, the decade also had great games like Super Bowl XXIII, the Fog Bowl, and the Epic In Miami. Plus, you had the greatest team of all time, the 1985 Chicago Bears. It was an awesome decade for football. Though, I left it off my main list because it was more sports than TV. And, the other Super Bowls that decade weren’t that great, mostly blowouts. My next honorable mention is Manimal.*The Manimal theme song plays: www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ugb_TIpPoWA Then, we go back to the Pack.* Nick: This show had a great premise: you had this guy who could transform into any animal he wanted. And, he used this power to solve crimes. It was great. The actual show itself was merely okay. The premise was definitely better than the execution, which is why I left it off my main list. But, I still think this show could have been a big hit with better writing, which is why I honorably mentioned it. And, my last honorable mention is Spencer For Hire.*The Spencer For Hire theme song plays: www.youtube.com/watch?v=TY3xEJ4RxcA Then, we go back to the Pack.* Nick: Spenser For Hire starred Robert Urich as the erudite, deeply moral PI Spencer, who originated in a series of novels by Robert B. Parker. Unlike a lot of the tough-guy shows of the Eighties, Spenser For Hire was more in the classic pulp tradition, rich with detail about its Boston setting and its iconoclastic hero. It's worth noting that fans of Parker's novels aren't always so kind to the TV version, which they consider simplistic, but compared to the other detective shows on the air in the waning days of The Golden Age of TV detectives, Spenser is a throwback to the time when location and character mattered as much as cases. I almost put it on my main list, but I didn’t because I always liked Spencer’s cool badass sidekick Hawk a lot more. Now, that guy should have gotten his own show.Brandon: Good choices.Nick: GREAT choices.Brandon: But, I should point out that Hawk from Spencer For Hire did get his own show.Nick: Are you serious!?Brandon: Yeah. It was called A Man Called Hawk, but it only lasted thirteen episodes.Nick: Still! I’m gonna go watch it!*Nick gets up, but Brandon stops him.* Brandon: Dude, wait until we’re done here.Nick: Okay. *sits down*Brandon: Okay, let’s move onto Beth’s honorable mentions.Beth: My first honorable mention is Fame.*The Fame theme song plays: www.youtube.com/watch?v=tze87LfeOtY Then, we go back to the Pack.* Beth: Fame was one of the first teen soaps. Based on the 1980 movie and set at a performing-arts high school, the series had a rudimentary sense of the teen soap clichés that would become dominant in the next decade but is mostly notable for its generally enjoyable performance numbers spearheaded by Debbie Allen. It was basically like Glee only actually good. The reason this show didn’t make it onto my main list was the fact that the others were more influential and better remembered today. My next honorable mention is Saturday Night Live.*The Saturday Night Life theme song plays: www.youtube.com/watch?v=xrHc7OBVD7M Then, we go back to the Pack.* Beth: SNL may have started in the Seventies, but it was the Eighties that made the show the institution it is today. Now, there were two seasons in the Eighties that nearly killed the show—the 1980-81 season, which came right after the original Seventies cast and crew left and the 1985-86 season, which had Lorne Michaels coming back and experimenting heavily with the show. But, it was the seasons after those failures that proved that the show could go on. From 1981-85, the show was run by Dick Ebersol, who loaded the show with talented comedians like Billy Crystal, Martin Short, and Christopher Guest. He also let Eddie Murphy do his thing, making him one of the decades biggest comedy stars. After Ebersol left and Michaels came back with is failed 85-86 season, Michaels created a formula for the show that exists to this day and loaded it with a lot of funny people who would go onto bigger things, like Phil Hartman, Dennis Miller, Mike Myers, and Dana Carvey. It was those years that made SNL the powerhouse and preeminent comedy training ground it is today. However, the failure of those two seasons as well as better years in the seventies and the nineties…All: Ugh… Nineties… *They all spit.* Beth: Is what kept the show off the main list. And, my final honorable mention is… um… *weakily* the Care Bears.Lauren: I’m sorry. Did you say the Care Bears?Beth: *begrudginly* Yes.*The Care Bears theme song plays: www.youtube.com/watch?v=ASzFs4_4kvk Then, we go back to the Pack.* Lauren: You like the Care Bears?Beth: It mellowed me out whenever I got angry as a kid.Lauren: So, why didn’t you like put on your list?Beth: Because I couldn’t really justify it.Brandon: I don’t know. Shaun has somehow justified his choices.Shaun: What does that mean?Brandon: Um… Nothing… Let’s move on to Lauren’s honorable mentions.Lauren: Okay, my first honorable mention is The Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy.*The Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy theme song plays: www.youtube.com/watch?v=ywKilWkX4jA Then, we go back to the Pack.* Lauren: Undoubtedly the most beloved piece of fiction to open with the complete destruction of Earth, Douglas Adams' The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy has been a radio program, a series of novels, a movie, and a video game, proving remarkably adaptable in each medium. When holograms and virtual-reality programming become commonplace, it will probably resurface there as well. Though, the TV miniseries is perhaps my favorite. Though, in some respects, it's an odd piece of work to have found immortality in so many different mediums. A product of a particular time and sensibility, it's pretty much an exact cross between the concept-heavy science-fiction adventures of Dr. Who and the dry absurdity of Monty Python's Flying Circus. Which isn’t that surprising, since Adams wrote for both shows. On the other hand, Adams's frustrated everyman humor and sweet, slightly despairing humanism haven't aged a bit. So long as a new generation of fans needs to be told "There's no need to panic, because in the end, we're all equally screwed," Hitchhiker's has a built-in audience. Hitchhiker’s main plot revolves around Arthur Dent, an Earthling who survives Earth’s destruction to make way for a new intergalactic highway and ends up traveling the galaxy with his friend Ford Prefect, whom Arthur learns is actually an alien; Zaphod Beeblebrox, the rogue two-headed president of the galaxy (a nominal position); Trillian, the last remaining human besides Arthur to survive Earth’s destruction (she left a party early); and a clinically depressed robot named Marvin The Paranoid Android. Along the way, they all get into hilarious hijinks that satirize just about every aspect of life as we know it. I badly wanted to put this on my main list, but after much thinking, I felt that V was the better miniseries. Still, Hitchhiker’s is a great adaptation of one of the best stories ever told. My second honorable mention is Lonesome Dove.*The Lonesome Dove theme song plays: www.youtube.com/watch?v=SnGEudfNRvA Then, we go back to the Pack.* Lauren: The last great miniseries based on an epic novel, Lonesome Dove revitalized both the miniseries and Western genres, both of which had been considered dead for several years. Robert Duvall and Tommy Lee Jones starred as fun-loving Gus MacRae and taciturn Woodrow Call, respectively, a pair of longtime friends and former Texas Rangers who crave one last adventure before they bow to their advancing years. Convinced that animals will thrive on the lush grasslands of Montana, Woodrow persuades Gus to undertake the arduous, 3,000-mile cattle drive there. Storms, hostile natives, poisonous snakes, and rustlers take their toll on the company before Montana is reached in an adventure that is equal parts Greek tragedy and classic, John Ford-style oater. Originally developed in the 1970s as a script by McMurtry for director Peter Bogdanovich and stars Henry Fonda, John Wayne, and James Stewart, Lonesome Dove earned 18 Emmy nominations and inspired a pair of miniseries sequel as well as two attempts at an ongoing television series. Lonesome Dove was the last of TV’s great miniseries events, creating a buzz that hasn’t been seen since, which is fitting since it tells the story of two old men looking to live their final days with some measure of glory. Much like with Hitchhiker’s, I wanted it on my main list, but again I felt that V was the better choice. And, my final honorable mention is Cosmos.*The Cosmos theme song plays: www.youtube.com/watch?v=bzS39oghcnY Then, we go back to the Pack.* Lauren: Cosmos was the best televised science lesson ever. It beautifully blended awe-inspiring explorations of the universe with earthbound tales of scientists and thinkers. Carl Sagan managed to wonderfully explain how the universe works in a way that non-scientists could understand but without talking down to anyone. For example, Sagan boiled down the history of the universe into a single year. This helped audience to understand how vast the universe was and how small our role in it is since the entirety of human history only fits into several seconds at the end of the cosmic year. It also allowed people to see the wonders of the universe, giving them a glimpse of images that they probably won’t be able to see in person in their lifetime. This was the hardest to leave off my main list, but I ultimately felt that the others had a bigger influence on TV history. So, it remains here.Brandon: Okay. Now, we finish up the honorable mentions with Shaun’s.Shaun: My first honorable mention is The Hogans.*The Hogan Family theme song plays: www.youtube.com/watch?v=UumiZKltAPQ Then, we go back to the Pack.* Shaun: This show went through a lot of changes, first called Valerie and starring Valerie Harper. Those episodes dealt with a lot of social issues, which I didn’t really like. After Harper left and Sandy Duncan came in, it became The Hogan Family and more of a traditional sitcom, which I liked. My next honorable mention is Webster.*The Webster theme song plays: www.youtube.com/watch?v=wAmy4t2SqY4 Then, we go back to the Pack.* Shaun: This show was about a white couple who adopts a young African-American boy, similar to Diff’rent Strokes, which I also liked. Both were really funny. And, my final honorable mention is Doctor Who.*The Doctor Who theme song plays: www.youtube.com/watch?v=XZ1kRxgKft4 Then, we go back to the Pack.* Shaun: The show had been on the air since 1963, but it was at its best in the Eighties. The Sixth Doctor’s run was the best, and he had a terrific coat that I really like.Beth: Really? But, the Sixth Doctor’s run is usually considered the worst.Shaun: Well, I do not know who says that, because I found those episodes to be a delight.Brandon: Okay. Are you gonna explain why those shows weren’t on you main list?Shaun: Yes, I liked the other ones better.Brandon: Of course. Okay. Now for the finale—our Number 1’s. And, I’ll go first as always. My Number 1 is Cheers.*The Cheers theme song plays: www.youtube.com/watch?v=rS0VQOHX7lM Then, we go back to the Pack.* Brandon: This isn’t just the funniest sitcom of the decade, it’s one of the funniest of all time, managing to not lose a step after major casting changes and lasting all the way up to 11 seasons. Of all the sitcoms in the Eighties, Cheers feelt most like a culmination of what was going on in the Seventies. It’s as if the show took the basic precepts of an MTM show like The Mary Tyler Moore Show or The Bob Newhart Show, then honed them to the sharpest possible point. Every element was perfectly calibrated for maximum comic value, every cast member precisely chosen, and each character played a specific role within the ensemble. Even the show’s setting, a bar which allowed for many colorful characters and situations to walk in every week, seemed calculated. And yet Cheers never felt dry or airless. Creators Glen and Les Charles built a show about a gang of lovable losers, much like they had learned to do while working on Taxi. But the central device of the will-they/won’t-they romance of Sam and Diane would never be done better. Ted Danson and Shelley Long had such great chemistry that they could hook up, then break up, then hook up again and somehow make it enthralling every time. S ome of that may have been due to co-creator James Burrows—unquestionably the most influential multi-camera director in television history—who kept the pace light and effervescent and gave Cheers a sense of elasticity that allowed it to survive even the departure of Long, a move that effectively cleaved the show into two different series. The first is a witty romantic comedy about a dunderhead and the bright barmaid who tries not to love him; the second is a more traditional workplace farce. Both are terrific. Now for Nick’s Number 1.Nick: My Number 1 is Miami Vice.*The Miami Vice theme song plays: www.youtube.com/watch?v=sTPu4hjfHKg Then, we go back to the Pack.* Brandon: Good show.Nick: GREAT show! Anthony Yerkovich created Miami Vice off a two-word pitch from Tartikoff, “MTV cops.” Director Michael Mann then took the basic idea and heaped tons of style on top of it. From the pilot, it was obvious that this was going to look like no crime drama before and very few since. Miami Vice has seen its reputation diminish over the years, largely because it attracted so much attention and inspired so many imitators, both on television and in the fashion of the time. And though it shares some of the goofiness of other cop dramas of its era, the series’ best episodes, like season two’s “Out Where The Busses Don’t Run,” replaced that goofiness with cold, dark cynicism by episode’s end. The conclusion of “Busses” set a new standard for TV direction: The nearly wordless sequence is set to Dire Straits’ “Brothers In Arms” and takes place in an abandoned wasteland where Sonny Crockett and Rico Tubbs, played by Don Johnson and Philip Michael Thomas, discover a terrible secret. Emboldened by the other acclaimed NBC dramas discussed above, Mann and the other producers took the show darker and darker as the seasons went on until it eventually became one of TV’s grimmest shows.Brandon: Okay. Now for Beth’s Number 1.Beth: My Number 1 is a little unconventional. I decided to go with the music videos of Michael Jackson.*Michael Jackson’s “Beat It” plays: www.youtube.com/watch?v=oRdxUFDoQe0 Then, we go back to the Pack.* Brandon: Do those really count?Beth: They originally aired on television! And, they told better stories than a lot of TV shows in the decade did! “Beat It” had a cool West Side Story-like gang war, updated for the decade. “Billie Jean” and “Leave Me Alone” did a great job of telling Michael’s torment with the media over his privacy. “Bad” was a cool short film, featuring a young Wesley Snipes and directed by Martin Scorsese! And, of course, who could forget the greatest music video of all time—“Thriller”!? It was scarier than a lot of those new Twilight Zone episodes that came out in the Eighties! Plus, Michael made a believable were-cat and zombie! He was a bit of a chameleon in the decade, going from con man in “Say, Say, Say,” to lover is “The Way You Move” to a gangster to a monster! And, he did it all in the comfort of our living rooms. Oh, and an honorable mention to Michael’s appearance at Motown 25, where he debuted the Moonwalk.Shaun: Actually, the moonwalk had been around a lot longer than that. In fact, Cab Calloway was doing it back in the Thirties.*Beth stares at him angrily, like she’s trying to set him on fire with her mind.* Shaun: But… then again… I could be wrong…Brandon: Okay… Let’s move on to Lauren’s Number 1.Lauren: Right… My Number 1 is Night Court.*The Night Court theme plays: www.youtube.com/watch?v=tUltrX-ICew Then, we go back to the Pack.* Brandon: Well… That’s an unusual choice. I didn’t even know that you liked that show.Lauren: Oh, totally! It was hilarious! Night Court was a midseason replacement that was basically kept around on NBC to fill out the Thursday Night lineup. Created by Barney Miller vet Reinhold Weege, the show began, much like Barney Miller, as an opportunity to address a variety of social issues. Instead, Weege and his writers realized their crackerjack ensemble—which included such players as John Larroquette, Harry Anderson, and Richard Moll—worked best when doing truly weird stuff. A s such, they took the series to increasingly surreal extremes, largely abandoning the attempts at social realism the show had feinted toward in its first two seasons. But, it never completely ignored them. The sitcom was one of the few shows to show the poor and down-trodden, who had largely been ignored by most popular shows and movies of the decade. It refused to let the upper class, the rich and famous to forget that there were those who weren’t as well off and didn’t live as nice as they did. It let middle class suburbanites know that there were people who lived in squalor and had to resort to desperate means like crime to survive. It let sane people know that not everyone is normal and that being weird and different is okay. The Eighties is always seen as a decade of bright colors, but there were dark hues underneath; and Night Court shown a light on those hues, and it did so while also being freaking hilarious in such unusual ways. In time, Night Court would become too weird, but outside of Cheers, it’s the Eighties sitcom that’s aged the best, thanks to the way all involved got out of the way of scripts packed with wall-to-wall jokes with a little nice dramatic parts sprinkled it. Night Court was never as sophisticated as Cheers or as revolutionary as The Cosby Show, but it settled, instead, for being a very funny show that wanted to remind the haves about the have-nots and for being the pinnacle of the decade’s surreal comedy.Brandon: Okay... Now, to finish us off, here’s Shaun with is Number 1.Shaun: My Number 1 is The Facts Of Life.*The Facts Of Life theme plays: www.youtube.com/watch?v=k_GxXRbSFDg Then, we go back to the Pack.* Brandon: Are you serious!? You mean to tell me that you seriously think that The Facts Of Life is the best TV show of the Eighties.Shaun: Yes. I do. It was a really funny show. And, I thought Nancy McKeon was cute.Brandon: That’s it!? That’s all you have!? That’s all you want to say about the TV show that you think is the best of the Eighties!?Shaun: Well, what else is there to say?Brandon: Dear God almighty! You do realize that out of all your picks, and I include your movies and albums list, that only three of them are any good! Everything else SUCKS!!!! I mean, how is that possible!? How can you like such crap!?Shaun: What do you mean?Brandon: YOU’RE THE SMARTEST GUY HERE!!!! You’re a freaking genius! You read books like The Bonfire Of The Vanities and A Brief History Of Time! How can you like such shit entertainment! I mean, my God! Lauren picked better choices and explained a thousand times more eloquently that you did with yours! And, she’s a bimbo! *to Lauren* No offense.Lauren: *sarcastically* None taken.Shaun: Well, this is entertainment.Brandon: So!?Shaun: I partake in entertainment for escapism. If I want intellectual stimulation, then I read. But, when I want to be entertained, I want something that will not make me think. Besides, I find those artistically incline pieces of entertainment to be boring and a little pretentious.Brandon: Why didn’t you tell us this earlier!?Shaun: You did not ask.Nick: He’s got you there, chief.Brandon: *to Nick* SHUT UP!!!!Beth: Are we done now?Brandon: I guess so!Killing Joke’s “Eighties” plays: www.youtube.com/watch?v=x1U1Ue_5kq8 * Brandon: We’re The Breakfast Pack, yada, yada yada… Choose breakfast….Everyone else: *weakly* Choose breakfast.Shaun: You do know that “yada, yada, yada” became popular in the...Brandon: *to Shaun* SHUT UP!!!!
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Post by Hulkshi Tanahashi on Sept 26, 2014 9:13:39 GMT -5
*We open on the ring. Inside it is a coffin with flowers surrounding it. Next to the coffin is a podium, a big picture of Michael Rose, and a wreath with a sash that says “RIP Michael Rose.” Suddenly, Pink Floyd’s “Shine On You Crazy Diamond” starts playing: *
Tim Hoss: What is going on?
Jesse King: I don’t know, but it looks like a farewell to Michael Rose.
*As the music plays, “The Comedian” Bobby Riggs and Sorrow come out. They are both wearing black suits. Riggs is holding a rose bouquet. The crowd boos as they walk to the ring. Both men are pretending to cry as they walk down. Eventually, they enter the ring and walk up the podium. Riggs places the bouquet on the podium.*
Comedian: Dearly beloved, we have gathered here today to get through this thing called life. Electric word life. It means forever, and that's a mighty long time. But I'm here to tell you there's something else—the afterworld, a world of never ending happiness, you can always see the sun, day or night. So when you call up that shrink in Beverly Hills, you know the one Dr. Everything'll Be Alright. Instead of asking him how much of your time is left? Ask him how much of your mind is left, baby. 'Cause in this life things are much harder than in the afterworld. This life you're on your own. And if the elevator…
Sorrow: *interrupting* Sir, you’re stealing Prince lyrics again.
Comedian: Oh, right! Better stop before he takes this down. Um… Allow me to start over. Dearly beloved, *pulls out an envelope from his coat pocket* I hold in my hand...the envelope! This envelope is hermetically sealed. It's been kept in a mayonnaise jar on Funk N Wagnall's porch since noon today. NO ONE knows the contents of this envelope, but I, in my borderline mystical way, will ascertain the contents without having to read what's inside!
*The Comedian holds the envelope up to his forehead and pretends as if he's telepathically reading what's inside.*
Comedian: 20,000 Leagues Beneath the Sea. *Riggs rips the envelope open, pulls out a piece of paper and pretends to read from it.*
Comedian: Where is Michael Rose headed at Gookermania?
*Dead silence*
Comedian: May a crazed Arab repairman board up your girlfriend.
*More silence*
Comedian: Okay, enough tomfoolery. This is neither the time nor the place. Friends, Romans, countrymen… and women… lend me your ears… I’ve come to bury Michael Rose, not to praise him. Mainly because there is no praise to be had with Rose. Just pity. Pity that such a whiny, pathetic loser had to get a hair up his ass and come messing with me. Because, I’m not someone to mess with. I do not suffer fools, and there was no bigger fool in the business of professional wrestling than Michael Rose. And, that includes “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan. Nevertheless, Michael Rose bit off more than he could chew when it came to me. And, he suffered for it. Well, he will suffer for it. You see, he’s not actually dead. But, after I’m through with him, he will surely succumb to the massive beating I deliver to him before that ice cream truck takes him away from here. Either that, or he dies from the embarrassment of losing. Either way, I will be rid of him once and for all. And then, I can move on to bigger and better things! So, since his inevitable defeat is… um… inevitable… Let us mourn his future passing with a special funeral. We will start with his friends. Would they kindly come to the ring to say some kind words?
*Riggs and Sorrow turn to the entranceway. They wait for a good minute, but no one comes out.*
Comedian: Well, this is embarrassing. Apparently, Michael Rose had no friends. I don’t know why I thought otherwise. Though, he obviously had family. I mean, he existed. That proves he had parents. So, why don’t his family members come out to say some sweet parting words?
*Riggs and Sorrow turn to the entranceway again. They wait for another minute, but still no one comes out.*
Comedian: Wow! That’s pathetic! Not even his family will come out stay something about him. I guess they didn’t love him. Who know? Well… We do have at least one person who knew Michael Rose long before any of us did. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Michael Rose’s old high school chum, Sorrow.
*Riggs moves away from the podium, and Sorrow takes his place.*
Sorrow: I knew Michael Rose in high school. Back then, he was a whiny little punk, always complaining about how his beloved Kerri Thompson didn’t love him, as if he was entitled to be with her simply because they were friends. It was sad and pathetic. Naturally, I, in my days before the sweet freedom of sadness came along, found this funny and joked with him about this. However, he took this the wrong way because he had no sense of humor and would fight me. Of course, I would defend my honor and beat the crap out of him because… Well… Let’s be honest… Anyway, I tried to talk with Kerri about getting him to stop this foolishness, but all she wanted to do was make out with me. Being a teenage boy, how could I say no to a pretty lady? Of course, she was just a harpy who liked to toy with Michael’s emotions. I was but a mere pawn in her mind games. And, that led to Michael destroying my old visage. But, I am grateful for them as that beating began the road that would lead me to the joys of depression. For that, I forever thank you, Michael. But alas, they just wouldn’t stop. So, my associate and I have taken things to their natural conclusion, with your demise. So, I say goodbye, Michael Rose. I’m not sorry that your gone, but I will miss beating you two up.
*Sorrow moves away, and Riggs takes his place. He’s holding a handkerchief and rubbing “tears” from his eyes.*
Comedian: *pretending to cry* That was beautiful. I promised myself I would cry, but… MY EMOTIONS!!!!
*He walks over to Sorrow, who hugs him. After a good minute, Riggs “composes” himself and goes back to the podium.*
Comedian: Anyway, I would just like to say some things about Michael Rose. And, I have put these words down into a poem.
*He pulls a piece of paper from his coat pocket.*
Comedian: Michael, dear Michael Sweet, sweet Rose Parting in sweet sorrow With nothing but a pose Roses are red Violets are blue Michael is dead And, Kerri will be. too But, fret not, fair people The Comedian is here to stay Spring, summer, winter, and fall I will be here every day For the rest of your lives I will be here in this ring Showing no mercy To my opponents’ suffering.
*He crumples up the paper and throws it into the audience.*
Comedian: Now, I know that ended up being about me in the end, and there’s a reason for that… I hated Michael Rose. Didn’t care for him at all. Quite frankly, I say good riddance to him. And, to say goodbye to him once and for all, *grabs the bouquet* I place this bouquet in the coffin. You know, it’s fitting that his name was Rose. They look pretty and have those sharp thorns. But, beauty fades, and those thorns aren’t very harmful. They mostly annoy when they prick someone. And, that’s all Michael Rose was… A very small prick.
*He walks over opens the coffins. The crowd goes wild to see Michael Rose laying in the coffin, pretending to be dead. He has on a suit as well. Riggs places the bouquet on Rose and closes the coffin, not realizing that Rose was in it. He then walks back to the podium.*
Comedian: Well, that is the end of out… Wait a minute… Was that…
*Suddenly, Rose throws open the coffin lid. Riggs turns around, and Rose jumps onto him with a senton. He knocks him down onto the podium and starts punching him in the head. Sorrow quickly grabs Rose and pulls him off of Riggs. As Sorrow is punching him, Rose surprises him with a Rose Thorn (lungblower). He bounces up, and Rose suddenly kicks him in the crotch. Sorrow bends over in pain. Rose gets up, grabs Sorrow, and throws him into the casket. He then grabs the lid and slams it down onto Sorrow over and over again. Riggs finally gets up and charges after Rose. However, Rose sidesteps him, and Riggs hits the coffin at full speed. He doubles over, and Rose slams the coffin lid down on both of them. After several slams, Rose then tips over the coffin on top of them. Sorrow manages to lift it off of them, but Rose is stomping on Riggs. Sorrow gets up and punches Rose. He falls back into the ropes. Sorrow charges at him, but Rose kicks him in the crotch again. He then kicks Sorrow in the face as he doubles over. Sorrow falls to the mat, and Rose kicks him as he rolls out of the ring. Riggs tries to crawl away. But, Rose catches him. He tries to pull him back to the center of the ring by his pants, but Sorrow comes over and grabs Riggs. They are in a tug-o-war with Riggs. As this goes on, Riggs’s pants start to slip off. Eventually, they come off, knocking Rose down. Sorrow pulls Riggs out and helps him up, revealing to the world that he wears smiley face boxer shorts. As Sorrow checks on Riggs, Rose suddenly charges at them, jumping through the ropes and landing on them with a suicide dive. Rose punches at both men as referees and security people come down to pull him off of Riggs and Sorrow. As this goes on, we cut to commercial.*
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Post by Seth Drakin of Monster Crap on Sept 26, 2014 22:43:56 GMT -5
*FAWA Boss Jessica Drakin is in her office.*
Good evening ladies and gentlemen.
As you know, there are only two matches booked for Gookermania VII thus far and personally, I feel that is not enough so due to my dissatisfaction with the number of matches on our biggest show of the year, I will be adding a third match and in this third match, I will be having an invitational MITB Ladder Match. The number and names of participants will only be revealed at Gookermania. The winner of this match will have a briefcase and inside that briefcase will be a contract to a world title at any time they want one for a whole year.
I have asked though that with the stable of the Breakfast Pack that if they want in, that they only have one person in this match so we will not have any advantages for anyone.
From what I have heard from so far, prepare for some shocking entrances into this match and I almost guarantee you that you will enjoy this third match at Gookermania.
Thank you and I wish you all a good night.
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Gus Richlen Was Wrong
Patti Mayonnaise
Metal Maestro: Co-winner of the FAN Idol Throwdown!
Fun while it lasted
Posts: 38,466
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Post by Gus Richlen Was Wrong on Oct 1, 2014 15:37:45 GMT -5
I can hear what you're thinkin' All your doubts and fears And if you look in my eyes in time you'll find the reason I'm here....
*Hell In A Cell is lowered around the ring, and the arena is dark.
And a certain someone is sitting in the middle of the ring, head lowered:*
Has it finally dawned on you yet?
Has it finally dawned on you yet that this is the end...
Of you?
*He raises his head, and a familiar emerald-and-black face paint pattern can be seen.*
The day that I've been waiting for for two years is almost at hand now, Seth. And every day that passes is one less day that seperates me from my goal.
Two years of the same haunting that I have had to suffer from will disappear.
And the nightmare that was once mine will become your own.
Nowhere to run, nowhere to hide.
Are you scared yet?
You should be.
But in time, your time will be no more....
*There is a pause.
And then laughter.
And more laughter.
And the laughter gets louder and louder and more and more insane until the feed cuts out-*
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Jeff Mangum PI
Hank Scorpio
11 herbs and spices for the rest of eternity; Is Number Two. Number Two!
The 2nd Coming
Posts: 6,957
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Post by Jeff Mangum PI on Oct 5, 2014 12:32:45 GMT -5
Tim Hoss: Hello to all the FAWA fans watching this from the warm screen on of your laptop, as we've got a exclusive online interview for all of you today! GookerMania VII has come and passed and the world has been a-buzz non-stop since it happened! We had an electrifying start to the show with the Invitational Money in the Bank Ladder Match, a star-making debut featuring newcomer Rita Perez & Lauren Jamison, the final appearance of the Comedian Bobby Riggs, capped off with one of the most brutal, disturbing, and just plain ugly fights we've ever seen in the FAWA with the main event of Seth Drakin and Gus Richlen inside Hell in a Cell for the World Heavyweight Championship.
One thing that had the world twittering though during GookerMania was the debut of the former basketball superstar and talk show host, Jordan Mac, in the Invitation Money in the Bank Ladder Match. I'm here today with Mr. Mac to comment on one of the most shocking arrivals we've had in recent memory.
*camera pans to Mac, who is sitting in a comfortable chair while three of his bodyguards wearing shirts with "Black Gold Crew" on it stand and stare at Tim intensely*
Mac: Great to be here talking with you, Bill!
TM: It's Tim Hoss, thank you. Now Mac, you've been no stranger to media headlines and highlight reels, but after living a comfortable life for most of your career, what made you want to join the back-breaking business of professional wrestling?
Mac: I was reading my Twitter wall one day after filming my hit show "Mac & White: Starring Jordan Mac & Shaun White", and saw instead of my name's space in the Trending Worldwide box, it was replaced by a whole bunch of brothers I never even heard of! Bobby Riggs, Sorrow, Brandon Barger, my head was doing 360's reading that, but then, my boy Tyrus back here told me that these guys were pro wrestlers. I decided that if I was ever gonna be the number one trend worldwide again, I had to jump on the wrestling bandwagon before that train left the station!
TM: That doesn't come across as a bit shallow to you?
Mac: Shallow or proactive? After all, I was the biggest topic coming out of GookerMania.
TM: If anything that would be Gus Ri...moving on, I wanted to get some insight on you and your past. You were a star center for the Nashville Thunderbirds and a finals MVP during your career-
Mac: Two-time Finals MVP.
TM: My apologies. But you announced your retirement from the FABA after Commissioner Roger Silver declared that the FABA was investigating a possible scandal involving you, the mob, and the possible fixing of your 2009 Finals series against the Williamsburg Mustaches.
Mac: That was just a load of garbage, man. I couldn't handle my rep being slandered like that, so I decided to leave the league while I still had my dignity. "Be the better man" was what my momma always taught me.
TM: After three years you joined ESPN and starred in the daily talk show "Mac & White: Starring Jordan Mac & Shaun White".
Mac: One of the best times of my life I'd say. Looking back, I think show business always felt right for me.
TM: Are you sure this didn't have anything to do with how the show was cancelled after the leaked TMZ video of your drunken rant during one of the tapings where you shouted, and I quote, "f*** Roger Silver and the whole damn league!"
Mac: C'mon with that noise, Jim! I wasn't even drunk when I said that! I was just being my eccentric self, you know how I do. I don't even drink, I'm round-edge!
TM: Straight-edge.
Mac: Yeah!
TM: *sighs* Well Mr. Mac, my final question for you is, what is your goal here now that you're a member of the FAWA roster?
Mac: Three things, Kevin. One: win some gold here. My name's "Black Gold" for a reason. I see that World Heavyweight Championship calling out my name, and when I cash in my title shot, I'm getting it quicker than a Kardashian files some divorce papers.
TM: But you didn't win the-
Mac: Second: make some bank! It's never hurts to have some green with all that gold. And third: Become the most trending pro-wrestler of all time!
TM: Can that be measured?
Mac: It can when you're a celeb like the King of the Bling, Colin!
*stands up and shakes hands with Tim*
Mac: It's been good talking with you. You know, I think I might let you write my biography when all's said and done. You ain't doing the intro at my FAWA Hall of Fame induction though, Tyrus already called dibs on that.
*walks out of the door while his guards follow him*
Mac: We're going to be seeing a lot more of each other soon, you can bet on that!
*room is empty, Tim mutters under his breath*
TM: How the hell do you mistake Tim for Colin?
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Oak: Certified Jade Hater
Bill S. Preston, Esq.
Edgier than Wayne Brady, Harder than Chinese Arithmetic, and Higher than the ratings for Blade: The Series
TOP ROPE CATCH A VIBE YEAH I SWERVE WHEN I DRIVE
Posts: 15,391
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Post by Oak: Certified Jade Hater on Oct 7, 2014 22:11:40 GMT -5
Michael Hayden can be seen sitting in the bleachers here at the Parts Unknown Arena, simply looking on as several crew members begin setting up for the ext installment of NiteRaw. Hayden has an amused smirk on his face as he looks on, taking special notice of the stage.
Over one year ago, I sat on that very stage, I looked out into the sea of fans, and I told them exactly how I felt about Gus Richlen. I told them my views on the FAWA Champ, I told them the truth, and yet I found myself vilified for it. I was told that I had gone too far, that I "showed my true colors".
And yet, in that moment I commanded the stage like no one else could.
You see, Gus and I don't particularly care for one another. Not here, not in the 101 Colony, not in NGIW, nowhere. We are oil and water, the mongoose and the snake. In layman's terms, we are enemies. Utterly incompatible. Oh, we tried being a tag team to take away the belts from Seth and MiscreAnt, but even then we couldn't be trusted not to tear each other limb from limb.
Now, a lot has changed since I last set foot in the FAWA. A lot of time has passed. But even now, I can tell you that I still do not like Gus Richlen, much like I'm sure he doesn't like me and while there are countless reasons, one particularly sticks out in my mind.
Wheel Of Misfortune. The night I lost the FAWA Title.
Make no mistake, I understand why Gus surrendered that night. I probably would have done the same thing. But what angers me and keeps me up at nights is the fact that Gus put himself in that position. He targeted me and me alone, never sparing more than a glance at Seth. He was so desperate to prove he was better than me that he lost sight of the main goal. And because I had to fight in a damn handicap match for all intents and purposes, Seth was able to pick the bones and walk away champion. All because of a foolish man's pride.
So why come back? A multitude of reasons, really; some more obvious than others. Why did I walk out of my match against Gus? Because while I may despise him, I had nothing to gain from that match. It was Gus who had to send his message to Seth, and I refused to be a pawn in their game. Once I did what I set out to do, there was no need to be there. And believe me, I proved my point.
I can still match you move for move Gus. I can still dazzle you with aerial attacks and leave you in knots with ease. That match was more than my way of telling the world I was back, it was to send you a message.
I'm coming for my title. The one that you lost.
And I will not rest until that title is once again in my grasp.
Hayden leans back in his seat, a satisfied look on his face as we fade out.
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Post by Seth Drakin of Monster Crap on Oct 8, 2014 0:49:30 GMT -5
Good evening, this is Jessica Drakin once again.
I can safely say after our biggest show of the year, that Gookermania VII was a huge success.
In our great opening match, we saw the debut of Jordan Mac, the big return of Jonathan Michaels, and the even bigger return of Evil M (who was able to win the match).
In our next match, we saw an upset when newcomer Rita Perez defeat Breakfast Pack member Lauren Jamison and I am happy to announce that I have signed Rita Perez to a FAWA contract.
Then we saw an interesting concept of a match with the Loser Leaves Town In An Ice Cream Truck between Michael Rose & Bobby Riggs.
We saw just part of the shoot interview of Jonathan Michaels that shows that I am more than willing to allow people to speak their mind, especially those of a former 2 time world champion.
And finally, we saw the crowning of a new World Champion when Gus Richlen reclaimed the world title inside a Hell in a Cell against my husband and now former champion Seth Drakin. Now, after the huge fall that Seth took and the fact that he broke Gus' fall on that same drop, he will honestly not be here next week, but as someone who has personal knowledge of what he is thinking, I will reveal what he said to me when talking about that match and if he plans on cashing in his rematch clause against Gus.
So along with that, I have an interesting idea that I will reveal next week and I hope you will all be there to hear it.
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Post by Seth Drakin of Monster Crap on Oct 8, 2014 0:56:23 GMT -5
I know it would be obnoxious for me to say that I was going to win the match if this didn't happen.
But I do know how I lost this match and that is because of those brats at the Breakfast Pack decided assault me. Sorrow and Breakfast Pack, I don't know what you think is your problem with me, but you did knock me out with your St. Elmo's Fire and you cost me a very important opportunity. Now opportunities like having a briefcase that can give you a title shot whenever you want it come once a year and I will have to wait another year to get that chance because of you punks. So you know what, I am going to make it my mission to beat every last one of you into submission.
So get ready because you wanted a war and now you have one.
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Gus Richlen Was Wrong
Patti Mayonnaise
Metal Maestro: Co-winner of the FAN Idol Throwdown!
Fun while it lasted
Posts: 38,466
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Post by Gus Richlen Was Wrong on Oct 8, 2014 13:26:55 GMT -5
Michael Hayden can be seen sitting in the bleachers here at the Parts Unknown Arena, simply looking on as several crew members begin setting up for the ext installment of NiteRaw. Hayden has an amused smirk on his face as he looks on, taking special notice of the stage. Over one year ago, I sat on that very stage, I looked out into the sea of fans, and I told them exactly how I felt about Gus Richlen. I told them my views on the FAWA Champ, I told them the truth, and yet I found myself vilified for it. I was told that I had gone too far, that I "showed my true colors".
And yet, in that moment I commanded the stage like no one else could.
You see, Gus and I don't particularly care for one another. Not here, not in the 101 Colony, not in NGIW, nowhere. We are oil and water, the mongoose and the snake. In layman's terms, we are enemies. Utterly incompatible. Oh, we tried being a tag team to take away the belts from Seth and MiscreAnt, but even then we couldn't be trusted not to tear each other limb from limb.
Now, a lot has changed since I last set foot in the FAWA. A lot of time has passed. But even now, I can tell you that I still do not like Gus Richlen, much like I'm sure he doesn't like me and while there are countless reasons, one particularly sticks out in my mind.
Wheel Of Misfortune. The night I lost the FAWA Title.
Make no mistake, I understand why Gus surrendered that night. I probably would have done the same thing. But what angers me and keeps me up at nights is the fact that Gus put himself in that position. He targeted me and me alone, never sparing more than a glance at Seth. He was so desperate to prove he was better than me that he lost sight of the main goal. And because I had to fight in a damn handicap match for all intents and purposes, Seth was able to pick the bones and walk away champion. All because of a foolish man's pride.
So why come back? A multitude of reasons, really; some more obvious than others. Why did I walk out of my match against Gus? Because while I may despise him, I had nothing to gain from that match. It was Gus who had to send his message to Seth, and I refused to be a pawn in their game. Once I did what I set out to do, there was no need to be there. And believe me, I proved my point.
I can still match you move for move Gus. I can still dazzle you with aerial attacks and leave you in knots with ease. That match was more than my way of telling the world I was back, it was to send you a message.
I'm coming for my title. The one that you lost.
And I will not rest until that title is once again in my grasp.Hayden leans back in his seat, a satisfied look on his face as we fade out. Come on, Hayden. Do you REALY think anyone believes or should believe your reason for walking out of the match?
Wait, wrong way to put it.
RUNNING AWAY from the match?
RUNNING AWAY from me?
You and I both know why you ran away from that match. It's simple, really, because it's the same reason why I'M World Champion again and you're not: I'VE done nothing but get better and better with every match, while you're merely content with coasting.
And you realized that because you're content to be complacent, you're suddenly not good enough. You can't beat me anymore.
And it scared you.
You want to try to take away something I can say with all sincerity that I've earned? Go right ahead, but this time, I won't let you run away when the truth finally reaches you.
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Post by Seth Drakin of Monster Crap on Oct 28, 2014 14:20:19 GMT -5
Hey what font color do you want for Rita?
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Post by Hulkshi Tanahashi on Oct 28, 2014 18:45:53 GMT -5
Hey what font color do you want for Rita? Color 9c19e6
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Post by Seth Drakin of Monster Crap on Oct 28, 2014 18:59:29 GMT -5
OOC: Yeah, I meant to private message you this, my bad.
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Post by Seth Drakin of Monster Crap on Nov 1, 2014 14:05:48 GMT -5
*AmericAnt is looking at the camera
Breakfast Pack, I think it is time we fight. It is obvious that you have created an alliance to eliminate me with Sorrow because of my partnership with Michael Rose, a partnership that would have never happened if Sorrow and his buddy who is no longer here, Bobby Riggs didn't get involved in my match with him. So now that we are in this situation so next week, I know that Brandon has a match already so Shaun or Nick, I'm calling one of you out for a match.
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Jeff Mangum PI
Hank Scorpio
11 herbs and spices for the rest of eternity; Is Number Two. Number Two!
The 2nd Coming
Posts: 6,957
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Post by Jeff Mangum PI on Nov 2, 2014 0:38:04 GMT -5
*Jordan Mac is in the arena parking lot, walking back into his Escalade, panting yet grinning from ear to ear over his victory at the Costume Battle Royale. His bodyguard Tyrus opens the door for him and the rest of his crew, but Jordan notices the camera following him and decides to give a message to the world*
Jordan: What did I tell youuuuuuu? What DID I TELL YOU?! The minute I stepped foot into this company, I knew I was meant to be the World Heavyweight Champion! Every time a challenge comes into my life, I jump over it, I dunk over it, then I catch a rebound and cross it up just to embarrass it. I came in like a wrecking ball and I knocked over every "star" this place has got in one night. And now you're looking at the fastest-rising star in FAWA, the King of Bling, and the NEW #1 Contender for the World Heavyweight Championship, Mistah Black Gold, Jordan Mac! Now I ain't got anything against Gus Richlen but he needs to know that we've all got roles in life. My role is to be the man that all other men judge themselves by, while Gus' role is to keep my title warm.
*Jordan takes off his trenchcoat, pants, and gloves, revealing he's still been in his usual wrestling gear the entire time.*
Jordan: Find that homeless dude and give him back these duds.
Tyrus: The ginger dude with the sign that was hanging around that newspaper stand?
Jordan: Do I look I remember homeless people off the top of my head? Just give it back and try not to catch rabies or something.
*Jordan enters the Escalade but before shutting the door, he gives one final saying to the camera*
Jordan: Thanks for keeping it warm, Gus-man. Be seeing ya' real soon.
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