FAWA Promos #16

[Hulk With A Mustache]

*Killing Joke’s “Eighties” plays: www.youtube.com/watch?v=x1U1Ue_5kq8 A graphic that says “Living In The Eighties” pops up onto the screen. We then open onto a room with Eighties memorabilia all over the wall. Sitting in front of the wall is The Breakfast Pack. They all are wearing their non-wrestling attire: Brandon: denim coat, white shirt, blue jeans, biker’s glove, and Doc Martin’s; Nick: a letterman’s jacket, plain T-shirt, and jeans; Beth: black sweater, plaid scarf, long skirt, and Doc Martin’s; Lauren: an expensive white European blouse and blue jeans; and Shaun: plaid shirt, khakis, white socks, and black shoes. Sitting at the far left is Brandon Barger, and to his left, in order, is Nick Britt, Beth Graham, Lauren Jamison, and Shaun Clark.*

Brandon Barger: Hello, and welcome to another episode of Living In The Eighties. We are you host with the most, The Breakfast Pack. As always this show is designed to let all you Breakfast Packers out there in TV land to get to know the most rad, ace, and tubular group to ever come to the Freakin’ Awesome Wrestling Alliance. So, allow ourselves to introduce… ourselves. I am the leader and man who will be running the proceedings, Brandon Barger. The jock to my left is our resident enforcer. Say hello to Nick Britt.

Nick Britt: Hey! What’s up, dudes and dudettes?

Brandon: To Nick’s left is our gorgeous goth, our beautiful basket case, and our wonderful wildcard, Beth Graham.

Beth Graham: Hello. And, thanks for the kind words.

Brandon: You deserve it. Anyway, next to Beth, is our bodacious bimbette, the bitchin’ Valley Girl, Lauren Jamison.

Lauren Jamison: Oh my God! I’m like totally excited to be here again! Even after our humiliated defeat. Though, we were robbed!

Brandon: In good time, babe. In good time. And, last, but not least, the Doc Brown to our Marty McFly, Shaun Clark.

Shaun Clark: Hello. It’s a pleasure to be here as always.

Brandon: First, I would like to start with a congratulations to… well, me! Yes, I have been entered into the Round Robin Tournament for the Fan Forums Title! Now, I would have liked to won the Costume Battle Royal and gone on to the FAWA World Heavyweight Title Match. But, that wasn’t meant to be. At least I got the consolation prize. And, I couldn’t have done it without the help of Shaun and Nick. Thanks, guys.

Nick: You’re welcome, dude.

Shaun: Likewise. Though, it would have been nice if I had not gotten poked in the eye and eliminated by you to do it.

Brandon: Hey! It was every man for himself.

Shaun: True, but I could have helped you win the whole thing if that had not happened.

Brandon: True, but I got way into character. And, you can’t tell me that “Rowdy” Roddy Piper wouldn’t have done that.

Shaun: No, he would have.

Brandon: Okay, let’s move on to our main purpose. Now, our last installments of this show were all about us, the things we liked about the Eighties. But, today, we’re moving to the present and making this show about our FAWA colleagues. After we spending some time here, we feel that we’re fully ready to share our opinions on the FAWA roster. And, to help us out, we have a little something left over from an old colleague of ours—the COMEDY-TRON 5000!

*Suddenly, a large flat screen TV monitor comes down from the rafters.*

Brandon: We figured that since he was gone and no longer using it, we’d help ourselves. Plus, Sorrow said it was okay. So, here we go! We begin with the FAWA World Heavyweight Champion: “The Predator” Gus Richlen.

*Footage of Gus Richlen appears on the Comedy-Tron.*

Brandon: Now, I have to say that this guy reminds me a lot of James Dalton, the hero of the classic film “Roadhouse.”

Nick: Because he’s a tough, soft-spoken man who takes no shit from anyone?

Brandon: No, because he’s a lot smaller than I thought he would be.

Shaun: Completely true.

Lauren: I know, right!

Nick: Yeah. I mean, when I saw him, I was like, that’s him!? He’s so tiny! His head is like a peanut!

Beth: He makes Rey Mysterio look like a giant.

Brandon: Exactly. Okay, let’s move on to Richlen’s girlfriend, Shaelin Marie O’Hara.

*Footage of Shaelin Marie O’Hara appears on the Comedy-Tron.*

Nick: Now, I like her! Total hottie! Don’t know why such a babe is with a shrimp like Gus. I think she should drop the zero get with the hero! *pause* I’m the hero.

Lauren: We, like, totally got that. Anyway, I don’t like her.

Nick: Oh, you’re just sayin’ that because she pinned you.

Lauren: Hey! She got lucky! And, that’s all thanks to that Betty, Rita Perez!

Brandon: Speaking of that match, let’s move on to her partner: Nurse Mary Harper.

*Footage of Nurse Mary Harper appears on the Comedy-Tron.*

Beth: I have to say that I wasn’t impressed by her skills. Same goes for Shaelin.

Lauren: Totally agree! But, I did like that bitchin’ purple dress she wore! Do you think Mary would like tell me where she got it?

Shaun: I doubt it.

Beth: ANYWAY… I would just like to add that if those two pathetic excuses of wrestlers are what FAWA has to offer in a women’s division, then me and Lauren should dominate this place for years to come.

Lauren: Totally agree!

Brandon: Moving on, we go to the former world champ, “The King Cobra” Seth Drakin.

*Footage of Seth Drakin appears on the Comedy-Tron.*

Brandon: Now, this guy I like. He just gives off this cool badass vibe. It’s like he’s always thinking, “I will destroy you.”

Nick: Agreed. I wouldn’t want to run into this guy in a dark alley. It’s a shame that he’s taken a sabbatical. FAWA could really use his asskicking ways.

Shaun: I like how he does not care what the fans think of him. Most heels claim to not care, but they actually do get riled up by the fans. Drakin, not so much. That is the mark of a good wrestler.

Beth: Agreed. He’s the kind of guy who can lead this company to new heights.

Lauren: Totally agree! And, he’s like a total hottie as well!

Brandon: And, on that note, we move on. Next up is Seth’s wife and the woman in charge—Jessica Drakin.

*Footage of Jessica Drakin appears on the Comedy-Tron.*

Nick: Man, I like a woman in charge.

Brandon: Careful. She is our boss.

Beth: I’m not so sure about her. I mean, what kind of woman puts her husband in a Hell In A Cell match.

Nick: Maybe there’s trouble at home.

Brandon: Seriously dude.

Nick: Hey! I’m just saying that if she isn’t happy at home, then…

Brandon: Dude! Remember what happened at that Orange Julius and your boss Rebecca!?

Nick: Oh, yeah… Sorry…

Brandon: Next up is a friend of ours—Sorrow.

*Footage of Sorrow appears on the Comedy-Tron.*

Brandon: As I said, not only is Sorrow our friend, he’s also paying us to take care of a little bug problem he has. However, we are professionals. So, we’re gonna judge him impartially. And, on that note, I just have to say that Sorrow is a great wrestler. He’s big and powerful but also quite intelligent. He may be the best wrestler in FAWA. And, I say that not because he’s paying us nor for the fact that he scares me a little.

Nick: I agree.

Shaun: Completely.

Beth: So true.

Lauren: Totally agree! I wish I had a mask like his!

Brandon: Next up is Evil M.

*Footage of Evil M appears on the Comedy-Tron.*

Shaun: I have to say that he is an unknown anomaly.

Nick: I know! I mean, what does the ‘M’ stand for?

Shaun: That is not what I meant.

Nick: Okay, but still! What does the ‘M’ stand for? It’s a mystery.

Shaun: Maybe ‘mystery’ is what the ‘M’ stands for.

Nick: Oh man! You just blew my mind.

Brandon: I don’t know. I got a good look at the guy at the Money In The Bank Ladder Match. And, I was surprised by a certain aspect of him.

Shaun: And, what was that?

Brandon: His fingernails. They were so well manicured.

Nick: Maybe that’s what the ‘M’ stands for. The Evil Manicurist.

*Everyone laughs at this.*

Lauren: I’m guessing like totally stabs people with a nail file.

Brandon: He probably leaves his victims with a hangnail.

*They keep on laughing.*

Beth: You guys better watch out. He might not smooth your cuticles!

*They laugh some more for a good while until it eventually dies down.*

Brandon: Okay, let’s move on to “Black Gold” Jordan Mac.

*Footage of Jordan Mac appears on the Comedy-Tron.*

Nick: I like this guy. He reminds me of a young Lawrence Taylor—he talks a lot of trash and kicks a lot of ass.

Lauren: Plus, he like purple.

Beth: Okay, what is up with you and purple?

Lauren: I just really like purple! Is that so wrong!?

Shaun: To get back on track, I have to say that it was impressive that he became the Number One Contender for the FAWA World Title in just his third match. I have to say that he is going places.

Brandon: Next up is “Hollywood’s Own” Michael Hayden.

*Footage of Jordan Mac appears on the Comedy-Tron.*

Lauren: Now, I like him. He’s great in the ring. He’s from Hollywood. And, he’s a total hottie!

Beth: Are you gonna comment on how hot every male wrestler is?

Lauren: Can you honestly tell me you don’t find him attractive?

Beth: Well… *stares off into space for a good few minutes* Um… no… I can’t…

Brandon: Well, that was enlightening commentary from our ladies.

Lauren: Hey! You never specified what exactly we were suppose to talk about.

Brandon: True. Moving on, we have Jonathan Michaels.

*Footage of Jonathan Michaels appears on the Comedy-Tron.*

Brandon: I like this guy. He used to be a stuntman, which is my dream job. Well, my other dream job. I’m currently in my dream job.

Lauren: He’s from Hollywood, too! I need to talk with him and Hayden.

Beth: Why? Don’t you need talent to make it in L.A.?

Lauren: Well, don’t you like need to totally shut up your face!

Beth: Oh, you really got me there!

Shaun: Getting back on track, I have to say that while Mr. Michaels looks tough, I think that stuntman side of him makes him look tougher than he actually is. Plus, he is just coming back to FAWA. There has got to be a lot of ring rust there.

Nick: Yeah! He hasn’t proven that he has what it takes to go in FAWA again. I mean, he didn’t even make it into the Round Robin Tournament.

Brandon: Yeah, but he came in close.

Nick: But, there’s a reason close doesn’t get you a cigar.

Brandon: Good point. Up next is Michael Rose.

*Footage of Michael Rose appears on the Comedy-Tron.*

Brandon: Now, we all know him as the man who is responsible for “The Comedian” Bobby Riggs no longer being employed here. And, that’s quite shocking. I mean, this guy comes off as a wimp. He throws flowers to the crowd! How did he beat Riggs and sent him packing.

Nick: I agree! This dude is total douche. He’s a whiny dweeb who somehow got lucky. Riggs should have wiped the floor with him. How he’s still here and Riggs isn’t is a mystery.

Lauren: I like flowers. But, I prefer tough guys. And, he’s no tough guy.

Beth: Tell me about it. He’s the kind of guy who writes poetry and sings a long to Depeche Mode. This guy is gonna get slaughtered in FAWA.

Shaun: And, the worst thing about him—his theme song is “Kiss From A Rose,” a Nineties song.

Brandon: I know… The Nineties.

All: Ugh… Nineties…

*They all spit.*


Brandon: From Michael Rose, we go to his girlfriend, Kerri Thompson.

*Footage of Kerri Thompson appears on the Comedy-Tron.*

Nick: How a guy like Rose got a total babe like Kerri I’ll never understand.

Lauren: Eh… She’s not all that.

Nick: Are you kidding me!? She’s all that and a bag of potato chips.

Lauren: How do you know that? She hasn’t even wrestled in FAWA.

Beth: I agree with her. She needs to show how good she is and that she’s not just the girlfriend to a wimp.

Nick: Hey! She took down Sorrow! Isn’t that impressive!?

Lauren: I’ll be impressed when I see her in a match.

Nick: Well, maybe you should fight her.

Lauren: Well, maybe I will.

Brandon: Okay. Let’s move on. Our next guy is Jeremy Dupoe.

*Footage of Jeremy Dupoe appears on the Comedy-Tron.*

Brandon: Now this guy is nuts. He thinks he can bring about the end of the world through a wrestling company! That’s just crazy! And, I like it!

Shaun: I know this will sound weird, but I can sort of see his logic.

Brandon: How so?

Shaun: Well, if you wanted to bring about the end of the world, would not a wrestling company be the least likely place to set you plan in motion? Would it not be the one place people would not suspect? Could you not get away with your plans from there since everyone would think you are crazy?


Brandon: I have to say, it’s hard to argue with that logic.

Shaun: There is a method to his madness.

Brandon: Yes, there is. Anyway, our next wrestler is AmericAnt.

*Footage of AmericAnt appears on the Comedy-Tron.*

Brandon: Ah, the Patriotic Pest. I have to say, after fighting him in the Money In The Bank Ladder Match at Gookermania, I’m not impressed. He doesn’t have the heart of Hulk Hogan, the toughness of Kurt Angle, or the chin of Sgt. Slaughter. In other words, he doesn’t look like a true patriot to me.

Shaun: You know, he had challenged either Nick or me to a match.

Nick: Oh yeah. He’s lookin’ for a fight with us.

Brandon: Really? Well then, I guess one of you will have to give him one.

Nick: Alright! But, um… who’s it gonna be?

Brandon: Hmm… *thinks about it* You know what? We’ll flip a coin.

Shaun: Right now? Because, I have quite a few. I was going to go to the arcade after this.

Brandon: No. I was thinking we’d wait until the day of the match. Let the Patriotic Pest worry over who it will be.

Shaun: Smart move.

Nick: Yeah, boy! Keep the ant guessing! I like it

Brandon: Exactly. Okay, up next is Rita Perez.

*Footage of Rita Perez appears on the Comedy-Tron.*

Lauren: Ugh! Her! Gag me with a spoon! She is just the worst! Not only did she beat me while I had the flu, but she also cost us the victory in that big tag team match. She is a huge bitch who likes to stick her nose in business that doesn’t belong to her. And, she never thanked me for getting her a contract here. Because, her fluke victory over me is the only reason she’s in FAWA! But, she totally won’t be here for long. Because Betty’s like her don’t last against me. I’m Madonna, and she’s Anne Murray. She’s nothing but a little…

*Suddenly, Rita Perez runs into the ring and attacks Lauren. They punch and kick with one another. Brandon, Nick, and Beth come to Lauren’s aid. Brandon and Nick pull Rita off of Lauren and drag her out of the room. Beth checks on Lauren, who quickly brushes her aside and rushes after Rita. They all go offscreen, leaving Shaun alone on screen.*

Shaun: Well, I guess that marks the end of this episode.

*Killing Joke’s “Eighties” plays: www.youtube.com/watch?v=x1U1Ue_5kq8 *

Shaun: So, that is it for the Breakfast Pack for now. On behalf of the Pack, I’m Shaun Clark, saying so long for now and to remind you all to chose breakfast!

[Deleted]

*We go backstage to Evil M.*

Sorrow. Who is this Sorrow person? Who are any of these people?! It's like I left for three years and the entire company changed! I mean, Drakin's still around, but he's injured. And Richlen's still here and still crazy. And my old pal Jono's still here too. But Sorrow? Michael Rose? Brandon Barger? Who the hell are you people?!

*Evil M pulls out a piece of paper.*

This is a list of the WWCF roster. I see names like Boiler Room Brawler, like Jazzman, Motor-Colt, John S. Amigo, Ryan Blood, The General of the Monkey Army, Square, Starshine, Viva Los Bio Dome, Whitey Fats, all WWCF Legends. All these new guys and girls? Nobodies. Yeah yea, I know. "Don't bury the competition," rule one of cutting a promo. But what have any of these guys done? Those names I just read? Five former WWCF World Champions. Three former Inter-Forums Champions. Four former Hardcore Champions. One former Champion of Honor. Six former Tag Team Champions. Everyone at that list was somebody. Add in myself, Seth, and Jono, that's two more World Champions, two more Hardcore Champions, two more Champions of Honor, one more Tag Team Champion, and one more Inter-Forums Champion. We were the ones that paved the way! Without us, there wouldn't be an FAWA right now!

So I am making it my mission to win this tournament and become the new Fan Forums Champion. Because it's time to take back what WE built! These newcomers, they've spit on everything WE worked so hard for! Michael Rose, The Breakfast Pack, Sorrow, Rita Perez, AmericANT, Jordan Mac, Michael Hayden, and even the FAWA World Champion Gus Richlen, consider yourselves warned. This is not your company. This is OUR company. And WE will take it back. Who is "we?" You'll find out in due time. But this week on NiteRaw, it all begins with Sorrow. A man with an ax to grind, into someone's head if they're not careful. Don't be fooled, though, because while I may be long past the days when I was a monster, I never lost my sadistic side. And I'm not afraid to let it out if the need arises...

And after I've taken the first step and claimed the Fan Forums Championship, well...

*M raises the Money in the Bank briefcase.*

...Enough said.

*M places the briefcase down as we fade out.*

[Gus Richlen: Ruffian]

Nov 2, 2014 0:38:04 GMT -5 Jeff Mangum PI said:

*Jordan Mac is in the arena parking lot, walking back into his Escalade, panting yet grinning from ear to ear over his victory at the Costume Battle Royale. His bodyguard Tyrus opens the door for him and the rest of his crew, but Jordan notices the camera following him and decides to give a message to the world*

Jordan: What did I tell youuuuuuu? What DID I TELL YOU?! The minute I stepped foot into this company, I knew I was meant to be the World Heavyweight Champion! Every time a challenge comes into my life, I jump over it, I dunk over it, then I catch a rebound and cross it up just to embarrass it. I came in like a wrecking ball and I knocked over every "star" this place has got in one night. And now you're looking at the fastest-rising star in FAWA, the King of Bling, and the NEW #1 Contender for the World Heavyweight Championship, Mistah Black Gold, Jordan Mac! Now I ain't got anything against Gus Richlen but he needs to know that we've all got roles in life. My role is to be the man that all other men judge themselves by, while Gus' role is to keep my title warm.

*Jordan takes off his trenchcoat, pants, and gloves, revealing he's still been in his usual wrestling gear the entire time.*

Jordan: Find that homeless dude and give him back these duds.

Tyrus: The ginger dude with the sign that was hanging around that newspaper stand?

Jordan: Do I look I remember homeless people off the top of my head? Just give it back and try not to catch rabies or something.

*Jordan enters the Escalade but before shutting the door, he gives one final saying to the camera*

Jordan: Thanks for keeping it warm, Gus-man. Be seeing ya' real soon.

Seriously? You think my only purpose is to just drop what I have had to work so hard for? TO YOU?

You've been here a few weeks and already I don't like you or your attitude. You haven't done that much to justify any amount of arrogance. Sooner rather than later, you're going to learn that my role is to bring you back down to Earth.

And M? I suggest you think EXTREMELY carefully before you even lay a finger on your briefcase.

[Hulk With A Mustache]

Sorrow: Well, well. It seems like I'm moving up in this company without Mr. Riggs. Though, I do miss his presence. Nevertheless, I must press on without him. So, the Fan Forums Title Tournament. Quite a field we have. I'd like to address all my competitors. So...

To Brandon Barger--I admire you. You're a great competitor. But, when I'm in the ring with you, I will do everything in my power to win the match. So, you better prepare yourself.

To Michael Rose--I'm quite glad I get to face you again. Fair warning, you better keep Kerri away from the ring. I would hate to have to repeat what happened the last time.

And, for Evil M. It seems you have no idea who I am. Well, I am just a man. A man on a mission, just like you. Though, my mission is a lot grander than yours. I want to bring about this wretched experiment we call happiness. I want to bring about a great era of sadness and depression. You seem like the type of man who would embrace this. You seem sad about the FAWA that was. You embrace this sadness and this hatred over the matter. I like that. But, your goals of bringing back what is now gone is futile. The past is over. Things changes. The old dies out, and the new takes over. I am the new. And, I cannot be stopped. So, I look forward to our match, to show you why people still say "Out with the old and in with the new." To quote another cliche, "The only constant in this world is change." But, fear not, once you learn to live with this fact, once wallow in the pity and sadness over the loss of the way things were, you will truly be free. I would suggest you try to learn this yourself. But, if you choose not to, don't worry. I'll show you myself. Don't worry, you will be the better for it.

[Jeff Mangum PI]

Tim Hoss: Hello to all of you at home watching the newest web-exclusive FAN interview; this week's NiteRaw had a show-stopper of a match as Evil M and Michael Rose fought each other to a draw in the main event. Next week, NiteRaw will present what should be another show-stopper in the main event of Sorrow vs Michael Rose for the FAN Forums Championship. What's also on the horizon is the highly anticipated main event, Gus Richlen defends his newly won World Heavyweight Championship against the challenger, the newcomer "Black Gold" Jordan Mac. I'm here again today with Jordan to talk about this match. First things first, congrats on the winning the Costume Battle Royale, Mac.

Jordan: Thanks man, appreciate it.

Tim: Now Jordan, in just three matches, you've gone from rookie to heavyweight contender. Does it feel overwhelming to have such a fast rise to the top?

Jordan: Hell to the no. Timmyboy, what did say my goals were in that last we had? "Win some gold", WIN SOME GOLD, TIMMY! I've never been to type to just sit on my ass and wait for something to happen, when I want something, every inch of being is focused on that goal. The minute I stepped foot in this biz, I knew that belt was gonna be round my waist.

Tim: No shortage of confidence I see. Jordan, you gave an interview a while ago where you stated that Gus Richlen's role in FAWA was to keep the championship warm. Gus didn't take too kindly to that.

Jordan: Nobody ever likes knowing that there's someone out there that's better than them.

Tim: Gus is a veteran of the company and won the world heavyweight championship in one of the most sickening and brutal matches of the year. He put Seth Drakin's career on hiatus, but you're not taking this man seriously at all.

Jordan: Everything ends, Tim. Lemme tell you something, is this really what you want? The same tired "veterans" taking up space, always coming out hawking the same merch and mottos and crap to the fans? Everything on this rock changes, and Gus has to accept that the time of him, Seth Drakin, and all the other dinosaurs roaming the company is over. I'm not just the best damn wrestler on this roster, I'm the breath of fresh air the fans have been waiting for. You can talk about how much of a newcomer or rookie I am, but here's the deal: Gus has no idea who he's dealing with. That's gonna be his downfall.

Tim: You've talked a big game ever since you've stepped foot here, Mac. My final question is this, you could go on and win the gold and back up everything you've ever said, but what if the opposite happens?

Jordan: Excuse me?

Tim: Gus is one of the most accomplished wrestlers in FAWA today and just put another veteran on the shelf. Gus could easily do the same to you and retain his gold.

*Jordan's bodyguards Tyrus, Ron, and Owen suddenly step into Tim's personal space*

Jordan: Leave him, crew. We're done here.

[Hulk With A Mustache]

*Killing Joke’s “Eighties” plays: www.youtube.com/watch?v=x1U1Ue_5kq8 A graphic that says “Living In The Eighties” pops up onto the screen. We then open onto a room with Eighties memorabilia all over the wall. Sitting in front of the wall is three members of The Breakfast Pack: Brandon Barger, Nick Britt, and Lauren Jamison. They all are wearing their non-wrestling attire: Brandon: denim coat, white shirt, blue jeans, biker’s glove, and Doc Martin’s; Nick: a letterman’s jacket, plain T-shirt, and jeans; and Lauren: an expensive white European blouse and blue jeans. Sitting at the far left is Brandon. Nick is in the center. And, Lauren is on the far right.*

Brandon Barger: Hello, and welcome to another episode of Living In The Eighties. We are you hosts with the most, The Breakfast Pack. As always this show is designed to let all you Breakfast Packers out there in TV land to get to know the most rad, ace, and tubular group to ever come to the Freakin’ Awesome Wrestling Alliance. I am the leader of the Pack, Brandon Barger. To my left is the jock who rocks: Nick Britt.

Nick: What up, homeboys!?

Brandon: And, to his left is the babe who… um… I can’t think of a good word to rhyme with babe. Anyway, it’s Lauren Jamison.

Lauren: Hey! I’m like totally stoke to be here again!

Brandon: Our partners Shaun Clark and Beth Graham are obviously not here with us. They had a very special errand to run. Never the less, we will carry on. Today’s episode is very special. We are using this time to call out our enemies. It’s the Call Out Show! You hosers are on notice!

*A graphic that says Call Out Show explodes onto the screen. After a good minute of explosion sounds it fades away.*

Brandon: I’ll go first. And, I’m calling out Evil M! Though, we have something in common. It turns out that our match is mainly for bragging rights as neither one of us will be competing for the Fan Forums Title. But, whatever! I don’t wanna end up in last place. And, a win over Evil M will be a feather in my cap. So, watch out, Evil M! I’m gonna bring my best! And, your best ain’t gonna be good enough!

Nick: Did we ever figure out what the “M” stood for?

Lauren: I thought we agreed it stood for “Manicurist.”

Brandon: You know, I thought so, too. But, I found some other appropriate nouns for that letter. *pulls out a piece of paper* I even made a list.

Nick: How many items are on there? A thousand and four!?

Brandon: NO! Anyway, here is the list of things the M in “Evil M” could stand for: moron, manure, muchacha, manny, milquetoast, mundane, moose, mule, milk, mutilated—as in he will be mutilated by me during our match—anyway, McDonald’s, mint, misses, mistake, mono, macaroni, macaroon, mackerel, malarkey, makeover, marching band, megaflop, menstrual, midriff, minimal, miscarriage, misprint, mole, molehill, mobile, moist, moocher, mailbox, mailman, mayfly, measles, melon, Menudo…

Lauren: I totally love that band.

*Brandon and Nick just stare at Lauren.*

Lauren: What?

Brandon: Anyway… back to my… Oh screw it! *throws the paper away* It doesn’t matter what the “M” stands for. It’s a stupid letter for a stupid man who doesn’t scare me in the least. So, bring it on, Evil Mermaid or Merger or whatever the hell you wanna call yourself. Okay, let’s move on to Nick.

Nick: Thank you. I’m calling out the Patriotic Pest! That’s right, AmericAnt! Funny how the word “can’t” is in his name. As in, he can’t win. Against me that is! Sure, you got lucky against my boy, Shaun Clark. But, the keyword there is “lucky.” You could have easily lost. VERY easily! And, that will be the difficulty I will have against you! That is, if you face me! That’s right! I want you, in the ring! Mano e bugo! And, I’m gonna squash you like the bug that you are! That is, if you’re brave enough to take me on! Or, are you scared I’ll bring my rolled up newspaper! Well, you better be, because I got the Sunday edition in my back pocket!

Brandon: Um… Nick… You do realize that ants are really hard to squash, right?

Lauren: Yeah, a newspaper probably wouldn’t hurt him if he really were an ant. And, it wouldn’t do much to him as is.

Nick: Well, it was just a metaphor.

Brandon: Okay, I get you. But, I do have another question. Why are you asking him to fight you?

Nick: Why wouldn’t I wanna fight him!? He beat my boy, Shaun, and I want revenge.

Brandon: I get that. But, why are you challenging him to a match when you are actually scheduled to fight him on the next NiteRaw?

Nick: I am?

Brandon: Yeah! It’s been announced for the next show!

Nick: Oh… well… Cool! I’ll see you in the ring, AmeriCANT!

Brandon: Okay, that leaves just one person left. So, take it away, Lauren.

Lauren: I think it’s like totally obvious whom I’m calling out. For you dummies who need an explanation, I’m calling out Rita Perez. This Betty has been stickin’ in my craw ever since Gookermania! First, she beats me by taking advantage of the sick condition I was in. Then, she has the gall to not only attack me and interfere in the first tag team match me and Beth have had here in FAWA, but she also poured tequila all over me when I gave it to her as a peace offering! I mean, that crap totally got into my hair! I still smell like a Mexican bar! Do you know how much Pantene it’s gonna take to get that smell out!? Well, missy, you have gone too far! So, I say we go at it again! One more match, womano e womano! Let’s see how well you do in a fair fight!

Nick: But, don’t we know how well she’ll do since she’s beating once before?

Lauren: Shut up, you dweeb! You didn’t even know you were fighting the guy you were challenging to a fight!

Nick: At least that guy did knock me out with a piñata.

Lauren: She threw me through a table, and you know it!

Brandon: Enough! Let’s reserve this anger for our opponents, okay?
Nick: Yeah.

Lauren: Fine!

Brandon: Good. So, with that done, we bid you all goodbye for now.

*Killing Joke’s “Eighties” plays: www.youtube.com/watch?v=x1U1Ue_5kq8 *

Brandon: For all of us here in The Breakfast Pack, we say good night, and…

Everyone: CHOOSE BREAKFAST!!!!

[Seth Drakin of Monster Crap]

AA: So I face you, Nick Britt. I beat already one of you Breakfast punks and you know what, I'm going to do the same to you. Since you are the jock of the group, I'm going to quote an Eighties movie I'm sure you are familiar with....No Holds Barred. And I'm going to call you what you are, a Jock Ass.

Now when I beat Nick and since I don't really believe in hitting girls, that only leaves one member left of those punks and that is you, Brandon so since you and your crew have been making challenges on your little show, let me make a challenge of my own. After I beat Jock Ass over there, how about you fight me?

In all the terrible schemes your little crew has tried to do to me, the only one person who I have noticed was absent in those things is you. So since your crew won't be able to get it done, why don't you try it yourself or are you more comfortable having someone else do the work?

Ball is in your court.

[Deleted]

Sorrow, I'll give you credit where it's due. You beat me. Can't say I'm happy about that, but what's done is done. But while I'm certainly not happy with this result, I'll be rooting for you when you face Michael Rose for the FAN Forums Championship this week. Because Rose, you didn't beat me. You got lucky that my shoulders were down too.

And whichever one of you wins, you're only delaying the inevitable, the retaking of OUR company. Because I can guarantee you that both the FAN Forums Championship and the World Heavyweight Championship will be back under the WWCF banner before long. Gus Richlen can make all the empty threats he wants, but he knows he's a marked man. His reign could end tonight, next week, Christmas, St Patrick's Day, Arbor Day, whenever I choose to end it. And despite his boasts, nothing can delay the inevitable.

As for this week, Brandon Barger, I don't have a personal issue with you. In fact, as far as I'm concerned, our match this week might as well be a throw away, seeing as neither of us can win the tournament. But that doesn't mean I won't go all out to defeat you. Bragging rights are bragging rights, and wins do mean something in this business. Beating you moves me one step up the ladder, one step closer to where I want to be. It's nothing personal, Brandon. Just business...

[Gus Richlen: Ruffian]

Nov 17, 2014 16:33:18 GMT -5 @wordlifeecw said:

Sorrow, I'll give you credit where it's due. You beat me. Can't say I'm happy about that, but what's done is done. But while I'm certainly not happy with this result, I'll be rooting for you when you face Michael Rose for the FAN Forums Championship this week. Because Rose, you didn't beat me. You got lucky that my shoulders were down too.

And whichever one of you wins, you're only delaying the inevitable, the retaking of OUR company. Because I can guarantee you that both the FAN Forums Championship and the World Heavyweight Championship will be back under the WWCF banner before long. Gus Richlen can make all the empty threats he wants, but he knows he's a marked man. His reign could end tonight, next week, Christmas, St Patrick's Day, Arbor Day, whenever I choose to end it. And despite his boasts, nothing can delay the inevitable.

As for this week, Brandon Barger, I don't have a personal issue with you. In fact, as far as I'm concerned, our match this week might as well be a throw away, seeing as neither of us can win the tournament. But that doesn't mean I won't go all out to defeat you. Bragging rights are bragging rights, and wins do mean something in this business. Beating you moves me one step up the ladder, one step closer to where I want to be. It's nothing personal, Brandon. Just business...

I suggest you look back at my history and the list of those I have made prey before you declare my words "empty threats."

[Deleted]

Nov 18, 2014 11:34:15 GMT -5 Gus Richlen: Ruffian said:

Nov 17, 2014 16:33:18 GMT -5 @wordlifeecw said:

Sorrow, I'll give you credit where it's due. You beat me. Can't say I'm happy about that, but what's done is done. But while I'm certainly not happy with this result, I'll be rooting for you when you face Michael Rose for the FAN Forums Championship this week. Because Rose, you didn't beat me. You got lucky that my shoulders were down too.

And whichever one of you wins, you're only delaying the inevitable, the retaking of OUR company. Because I can guarantee you that both the FAN Forums Championship and the World Heavyweight Championship will be back under the WWCF banner before long. Gus Richlen can make all the empty threats he wants, but he knows he's a marked man. His reign could end tonight, next week, Christmas, St Patrick's Day, Arbor Day, whenever I choose to end it. And despite his boasts, nothing can delay the inevitable.

As for this week, Brandon Barger, I don't have a personal issue with you. In fact, as far as I'm concerned, our match this week might as well be a throw away, seeing as neither of us can win the tournament. But that doesn't mean I won't go all out to defeat you. Bragging rights are bragging rights, and wins do mean something in this business. Beating you moves me one step up the ladder, one step closer to where I want to be. It's nothing personal, Brandon. Just business...

I suggest you look back at my history and the list of those I have made prey before you declare my words "empty threats."

And I suggest you talk to TheSam, or Sparks, or Ryan Blood, before you pick a fight you can't win. Oh wait... none of them are around anymore. Wonder why...

[Hulk With A Mustache]

Sorrow: After last night's NiteRaw, I feel it's necessary for me to address how things ended. First, let me congratulate Michael Rose on winning The FAN Forums Title. Yes, you heard right. I am congratulating him. Why? Because he won against me. And, he owes that victory to me. You see, I tapped not because of the pain. Sure, there was pain. But, I like pain. Pain and sadness go hand and hand. So, no, it wasn't the pain. I simply tapped because simply to get out of the match. I lost the battle on purpose in order to win the war. And, I will win the war. Whether or not that ends with me holding the FAN Forums Title does not matter. I would like to take that title from you, Rose. But, I would much rather see you broken and beaten before me. That is my ultimate goal. And, nothing will stop that.

Now, I want to make it clear that I'm exactly happy with how things ended either. So, now I would to address the other participant in last night's shenanigans--Jeremy Dupoe. Your attack on Rose was quite something. And, I just have to say... WHAT IN THE HELL IS WRONG!? What? Did you think I would like that? Well, no! I didn't! And, the reason is simple--ROSE IS MINE! Michael Rose didn't disfigure your face! Michael Rose hasn't forced you to live with a mask for the rest of your life! Michael Rose didn't send your good friend away! Michael Rose isn't a thorn in your side! He's mine! I am the one who plays mind games with him! I am the one who goes after Kerri Thompson! I am the one who will break and beat him! You are not the one who does that! Do you think that you can just run away because your pathetic little ancient ones didn't bring about the end of the world like you wanted!? Do you think that you can just waltz back in and go after whomever you want!? Well, you are WRONG!!!! YOU WANNA BEAT UP SOMEONE, GO AHEAD!!!! BEAT UP ANYONE YOU WANT BUT NOT MICHAEL ROSE!!!! MICHAEL ROSE IS MINE!!!! So, go fight someone else. And, yes, I know you are the Number 1 Contender for his title. I don't care. Just wait. I'll probably take it from him very soon, and then you can come after me. You will lose, of course. But, the thing you really need to take away from this is that you need to leave Michael Rose alone. Understand?

[Seth Drakin of Monster Crap]

AA: So Brandon, you want me to accept a gauntlet against your crew?

And of course, King thinks it is stupid if I do it so it must be you only want to face me if I deal with your other boys.

Well, I guess I must be not that smart because I accept. You want me to run over Shaun and Nick to get to you? So be it. On Thanksgiving NiteRaw, the streak continues as I beat all three men of the Breakfast Pack.

[Hulk With A Mustache]

Rita Perez: You know--I probably should have not answered that phone call. I could be at home in Puerto Rico, sitting on the beach, getting some sun, checking out the hot guys as they walk by. But, no. I just had to answer that phone call. It was a recruiter from FAWA. Apparently, some redheaded puta who thinks she's Molly Ringwald had stormed into the boss's office and threw a hissy fit until she got a match. And, they decided to call me. They had heard about my work in CCW--that's Caribbean Championship Wrestling, a wrestling company that runs shows all over the Caribbean and parts of Central and South America. And, yes, it is my dad's company; but he's never shown me any favors. In fact, he's been a bit of a thorn in my side. But, that's a huge digression I don't wanna get into. My point is that I could be at home with friends, wrestling women who don't whine and complain about fictional flus when they lose. But, no. I just had to prove myself. I didn't ask for this crap. I just wanted to fight and prove that I could make it here in America, in FAWA. But, some puta seems to think she can get herself over on me. Now, I know should just ignore her and move on, but she just won't stop. She keeps on calling me, leaving nasty texts, insulting me with fake gifts and not even bothering to learn my heritage, just blindly assuming I'm Mexican because if ya speak spanish and have brown skin, that must be where you come from. Now, she wants to fight me. I should just say, "No!" I mean, I don't need to beat her again. I've proven that I can. But, she just won't stop. So, I gotta teach her a lesson. And, that's what I'm gonna. So, Lauren, you wanna fight me? Fine. I'll beat you again. And, this time, you won't be challenging me to another fight after I'm through with you.

[Gus Richlen: Ruffian]

I see you think you are some sort of comedian, Mac.

There's just a huge problem: I ain't laughing.

In fact, all that farce you pulled has done has seal your doom.

You go around complaining about how I supposedly am keeping arrogant punks like you down, and yet you refuse to see what I've had to go through to get the FAWA World Championship, the PEOPLE'S World Championship, back in the possession of Predator Nation. I've been bloodied, I've been broken, I've been exiled, and yet I've come back, and FINALLY, FINALLY, I am reigning atop the food chain. I've tortured myself for over a year to get here, and if you think I'm just going to hand it over to you because you think you're entitled to something after barely being here a couple of months, if you think I'm going to throw all of that work, all of my career away just because you want me to, then you need to have your head examined PredNation-style. I've come too far, done too much, worked too hard, to have my title reign, the PEOPLE'S title reign, end this soon.

I idolize the legends of this business: Harley Race, Dusty Rhodes, the Funk brothers, Ric Flair, Roddy Piper, Bret Hart, Ricky Steamboat, Vader, Sting, Randy Savage, Shawn Michaels, Stone Cold Steve Austin, Kenta Kobashi, Great Muta, Eddie Guerrero. You idolize your reflection in the mirror. That's not only the difference between us, that's the one thing that ensures that the FAWA World Championship remains with the people. Like Harley Race, I am not going to allow you to insult me or this, and when I say it I mean it in dead sincerity. When I walk into that ring next week, I walk in as THE World Champion, the man that can truthfully say that he can beat anyone in the world.

You want to take from me what I've spent so much of my life trying to get then go right ahead, but I guarandamntee you that you will only find out first hand why I AM The Predator.

And that...




















...is a promise.

[Jeff Mangum PI]

Jordan Mac: Well this is it. Once again Jordan Mac finds himself in the spotlight, fighting for championship gold. None of this surprises me, not one lil' bit of it. Y'know why? I'll tell you exactly why, because I was meant for this. When I won two championships in the FABA, it was because I was meant to win that. When I became the most popular talk-show host in America, it was because I was meant to be a star. And when I win that World Heavyweight Championship, it'll be because I was meant for it. 

I know Gussie-boy is gonna be studying every move I make, and every word that comes outta my mouth, so I wanna tell him a story. My boy Tyrus has always been a big wrestling fan, even stays up at night watching the Japanese stuff. So one day I'm in my personal gym training for the ass-whooping I'mma give Gus when Tyrus comes up and looks like he's about to die on the spot if he doesn't show me whatever the hell it is that he wants. So I follow him into the theater room and he puts in a tape of one of his Japanese matches. The two guys we were watching are throwin' bombs at each other completely, one of them's apparently the alpha male of the company, and the other dude's the new kid on the block. Man, they just went back and forth, tic for tac, just giving each other every little ounce left in their bodies to end that match. Then the camera pans to Alpha Male after he can't pin New Kid for the three-count, he's got this look of....shock on his face. Like he's seen a ghost. Then I knew exactly what it was, since I've seen it before back in my basketball days. It's the look the old dog gives when he realizes he's been shown up. Like Jordan getting crossed up by Iverson, like Jobs taking up every bit of relevancy from Gates. It's the look a man gives when he realizes that after all these years, he's just not the best anymore. The look that tells you that father time just passed him by.

What I'm tryin' to get at here is that when we're in that match, throwing bombs at each other, giving it everything we've got for that championship, you're gonna get that look in your eyes. The look that says that after all these years fighting all the people you've seen a thousand times before, it's the guy you never knew a thing about that took you out. The look that after all these years of scratching, and clawing, and grinding for a title, a young buck just came up and snatched it right from you. You talk all about honor and dignity and hard work and a whole buncha cliche bull***, but you and I both know that ain't mean a damn thing when all's said & done. Because despite all your prayer-saying and vitamin-eating, you still couldn't get the job done. You were beaten by someone stronger, faster, and just straight better than you. That's the lil' secret I'll let you in on, in the world we live in, there's always someone stronger, someone faster, and someone just better than you and no amount of fatasses in "Predator Nation" shirts cheering you on can change that. It ain't personal, it's just that guys like me were meant to be the best, it's in our veins.

When I step out of that ring with heavyweight gold around my waist, I want you to think about that. That no matter how much you scratched, and clawed, and grinded just to get that belt around your waist, it was snatched from you. That you were passed by by someone who was just better than you.

[Deleted]

*Evil M sneers as he watches the conclusion of NiteRaw*

So, I'm sure some people were expecting me to make an appearance at the conclusion of the FAWA Championship match. After all, I was shown, on camera, watching the match from backstage. So I must have had plans of cashing in tonight.

For one thing, I didn't even know I was on camera. Secondly, why wouldn't I be watching the match? Briefcase or not, I pride myself on being a student of the game. I watch every match, every night, whether it's Richlen/Mac or Rose/Twister. The point being, don't read too much into it. I've already said, when I cash in, it's going to be at the most opportune time for ME. I want Gus to sweat. I want him to be looking over his shoulder during his matches. I want him to be so paranoid, that he begs me to just cash in.

But right now, he has to focus on a certain Michael Hayden. And I would never want to interfere with the affairs of others...

*M smirks*

Besides, don't forget that I have plans of my own to keep me preoccupied. It's only a matter of time before we reclaim the glory of the WWCF. And I think that this week on NiteRaw, it's time to up the ante. Jessica Drakin, I hope you pay close attention. Because this is only the beginning...

[Seth Drakin of Monster Crap]

Good evening and welcome once again to the offices of Jessica Drakin here at FAWA HQ.

I hope everyone in the FAWA Galaxy enjoyed the month of December off and now has their creative juices flowing once again.

This month of January will be especially special as once again, we here at FAWA get to decide a new Lord of the Ring. Last year, the Lord of the Ring took longer than usual and was won (as well as the world title) by my husband and former 3 time FAWA Champion Seth Drakin. This year, we will be going back to a 8 man tournament format and the winner of this year's Lord of the Ring will have a World Heavyweight Championship Match in April at this year's new special we will be calling Spring Breakdown.

There are 8 spots in this tournament and half the spots have already been filled by stars like AmericAnt, Jordan Mac, Sorrow, and the former Cody Wyatt who will now be debuting as CW Who. Now I have also asked The Breakfast Club to once again pick one member into their group. There will also be four people who have already been booked for other matches at Lord of the Ring so will be excluded from the tournament.

The first two are FAWA Fan Forums Champion Michael Rose and Jeremy Dupoe as they will be having a title match at this special event. I have also made a decision to ban Sorrow from ringside due to the fact that he may be motivated to interfere in this contest.

The final two superstars who also will be having a match and thus will be excluded from this tournament will be FAWA World Heavyweight Champion "The Predator Knight" Gus Richlen and his old arch-rival Michael Hayden. After the actions of the Thanksgiving NiteRaw perpetrated by Mr. Hayden, I was tempted to fire him on the spot, but Gus has told me not to and to make a match between them to settle this situation. Thus since Gus has recovered from the blindness in his eyes from that trick camera uses to create a fire to blind the champ, I have decided this world title match will be decided in an Inferno Match, where the loser of this match must be set on fire and they will have ample opportunity to do so as the ring will be surrouneded by just that: fire.

So good luck to you all, welcome to the new year of FAWA, and hopefully soon, we will have those other four spots in this tournament filled soon.

[Hulk With A Mustache]

Michael Rose: You’d think I’d be happy since I have this. *holds up the FAN Forums Title* I mean, not only am I a champion once again, but I have also vanquished by long time rival, Bobby Riggs, from FAWA. But, I’m not. I’m not happy at all. You see, Riggs may be gone, but his lackey, Sorrow, is still around. And, he wants to end my career. I don’t really blame him. We do have a past. We went to high school together, and we didn’t get along. He was a bully who made my life a living hell. I never stood up to him until I saw him making out with my current girlfriend, Kerri Thompson. To be fair, she was just a friend at the time, and I was a shy guy who never told her how I really felt about her. So, she had no idea that she could break my heart like that. But, the fact remains, she did. And, I smashed Sorrow’s face in. That’s why he wears that mask. He claims to be a changed man now. He says that he believes in the power of depression. That we can all be saved if we just accepted the fact that happiness is a lie and accept sadness. He has all these wild beliefs that he never had when he was a teenager. So, I guess you could say that he’s changed. But, that’s the thing—he’s not. He’s the same bully he was in high school. He’s just bigger, he has on a mask, and he likes to play mind games. And, it’s working. I can’t have my girlfriend around me for fear he’ll come and attack her. He’s winning. *pauses* But, here’s another thing that needs to be taken into consideration—I’ve beaten him before. And, I’ll beat him again.

Of course, he’s not the only nutjob after me. There is someone else: Jeremy Dupoe. Now, I don’t know him like I do Sorrow. But, I know his type. He’s like Sorrow and Riggs. He’s just some crazy loon who believes in this ethos that will change the world. He believes in Cthulu or the Ancient Ones or the Flying Spaghetti Monster will bring about the end of the world and that he needs to help or something. But, like Sorrow and Riggs, what he believes in is crap. There have been men like him in professional wrestling before, and there will be men like him long after he’s gone. Men like Kevin Sullivan and Raven and The Undertaker and James Mitchell. Men who believed that they could change the world and influence the masses. Dupoe is like. He believes like they believe. But, that’s not the only thing he has in common with them. The other? They all failed. He’s just a wrestler. And, no one is gonna let a professional wrestler rule the world. He’s just another nut who thinks he can succeed in God knows what the f*** he wants to do. But, he’ll fail. He’s just a man. And, I’ll prove that. When he comes for my title, I will beat him. I will break him. I will destroy him. And, I will make him realize that he is nothing but a man. Because, I’m also a man. I’m also a wrestler. And, I’m a thousand times better at being both than he will ever be.

[The Blue Nova]

*CW is sitting in the locker room with a knapsack and his doll Alies* Hi there CW here wishing you a very Merry Christmas and Happy new years from me and Alies *holds up his knapsack* She even got me a christmas gift from that trash can its very pretty but I can not show anyone till the right time.

Now to more important things Sorrow I have you one on one in a match in the lord of the rings tournament. Sorrow you are very tough but I have seen scarier on saturday morning cartoons!!! You may be tough and violent but It is hard to beat someone who has a high threshold for pain. So come Nite Raw be prepared to be sent back to the cast of the Lost boys because C.W is going to win the match and go on to win the Lord of the ring tourney

*looks down at allies and I am going to do it for you*

So Sorrow to quote Nirvana come as you are because I may come from the Land of confusion but there won't be any confusion when I pin you with the Breakdown

*fades to black*

[Seth Drakin of Monster Crap]

*AmericAnt is backstage*

AA: Well, it is the new year and NiteRaw is about to begin again. And this week, I have a Lord of the Underground first round match against a man who has done a lot in this company in Jonathan Michaels. Now, I may be a young gun and he may be an accomplished veteran, but this seems like a perfect opportunity to test myself against one of the best and Jonathan, I hope you are ready because I sure will be.

And as far as the Breakfast Pack causing me to lose my first match, all I have to say is this...I am making a new year resolution and that resolution is to kick Brandon Barger's ass. You took my undefeated streak here away from me, I should be more than willing to give you a receipt in the form of my boot to your face.

See you all on NiteRaw.