The six remaining contestants were gathered into the video room of the Freakin' Awesome Network Compound for a briefing on the escape from the Freakin Awesome Network asylum of one Demented, notorious for his crimes against his fellow FAN members. Demented, who once went deep into the FAN Idol competition, was a brilliant if unstable contestant who even lent his stabbing knives to the Judge's table on occasion. That was long ago, however, a far more stable time for the Demented one, the Cactus Jack to his current Mankind period. The days of good natured pranks and stabbing have since given way to, well, mean-spirited pranks and stabbing (for the benefit of the Freakin' Awesome Network, let's assume his knives are all rubber, so I won't be a Host with a bunch of mod warnings, lol). Amid copies of Ready to Rumble and No Holds Barred and full Seasons of Thunder in Paradise, the would-be FAN Idols watched the finest offerings of wrestling related cinema and television. One shudders to think that they endeavored to watch Verne Gagne's the Wrestler before their Host asked for their attention.
KingOrangeTyger (addressing the Contestants who sat in the video room): I would ask for your full attention. This is a serious matter, as our esteemed FAN member Demented has demonstrated the most off-putting behavior in Past Seasons, behavior that has since spiraled out of control.
*Clicks on a mouse on what appeared to be a York Foundation computer*
(I was looking for a picture of the actual computer but this pic of Terri and IRS in their York Foundation days screamed absolute soft core 80s porn that it will do just fine
)
KingOrangeTyger: Here is Mr. Demented with his nurse, kidglov3s, who was the first to suspect that all was not well with Mr. Demented's transfer from his holdings to the FAN stage to guest Host Elimination Round 10. One can only speculate as to the relationship between kidglov3s, FAN's head nurse, and her brain-addled charge but Ms. kidglov3es was found to have been dressed up to resemble the DC Villainess Harley Quinn, consort of the Joker and a constant thorn in Batman's side.
Even as strong a will as Ms. kidglov3s's could be bent to suit Demented's warped plans- Excuse me, Mr. Sloth Spartan? I know it is difficult to hold strong against your nature but please stay awake during this proceedings...
Sloth Spartan, who was sunk down in a rather expensive Pininfarina’s Aresline Xten chair (worth $1.5 million), yawned and waved, employing a maximum effort, muttering about how he would pick his songs soon enough.
The Host sighed and continued. "Mr. Demented has been terrorizing members of the FAN network for approximately 48 hours now." The host clicked on his mouse again. "Here is a picture of Demented interrupting our yearly Rick Martel "Yes I am a Model" FAN fashion show, giving our unsuspecting FAN models make-up that would transform them into grotesque clowns and t-shirts that were far too tight for them to wear. Gah, I'm afraid that I may never be able to pay them back. Sigh... Please, Miss Anonymous GM, that is enough...
Anonymous GM was powdering her face to an outrageous degree, going a bit heavy on her lip stick and eye shadow as well, so much that you could barely make out her face... She made a little O with her mouth and pretended to pay attention to the briefing.
KingOrangeTyger: Demented then decided to pay a visit to the Ernest Miller "Caturday Night Fever" dance party that your Judges and I planned for would-be investors of FAN Idol IX at the Alex Wright Fandangotorium next to the Parts Unknown mini mall. How can I explain to our investors that I allowed for a deranged man-clown to go around goosing everybody in sight, stabbing security with a (rubber) knife which, since I employ WWE security i.e. FCW wrestlers, they sell like it's an actual knife. I mean, this guy's going around grabbing more ass than Cageking at a Bear mee- What's wrong, Knalsic loves to Boogie?
Knalsic: Sigh, I wish I was there. Sounds like so much fun. I've only gotten a chance to Boogie five times since this Season has started. I always need to boogie. I should've been goosing those disco wome-
KingOrangeTyger: Enough! I know it seems like all fun and games to you but this is a serious problem! He's goosing everyone. Everyone! He's pinched more bottoms than Pat Patterson on a European beach and - Stinger4Christ, what in Steve Borden's name are you doing?
Stinger4Christ, with a shapely woman dressed in NWA era Surfer Sting regalia snuggling up to him on another obscenely expensive couch, remarked, "Tyger, I'm sorry but, really, what does this have to do with us? So he'll likely stab one of us, hell if not him, Yami Redgrave would go to town on us. Stabby stab stab. Honestly, I've got to get mine. You know what I mean? Stingers gotta Sting. Rawr, hehe, gonna have to show what the ol' Stinger can still do! (PG of course, don't want to get fired here)
Returning to the computer, the Host continued the slide show:
KingOrangeTyger: And here he is feeding Daniel Bryan a roast pig! Daniel Bryan! Yeah, yeah, he's not a vegan anymore but he's kayfabing it. All those kids were crying about how Bryan eats meat, real water works and then this guys goes on to tell them that there's caffeine in Pepsi and that C.M. Punk is not a man of his word and then all these smarks started to cry and say "Nuh-uh! Phil Brooks is Straight Edge! XXX!" and Demented then teases the Ryback into eating more and you know he shouldn't do that, the poor man has to many carbs in his diet as it is and...
fw91: "Yes I'd like to place a delivery. Right, the Serengeti. Yeah, KingOrangeTyger, that's my name. I know, right? Anyway, Quart of Sesame Chicken, Quart of Mu Shu Pork, Pu Pu Platter, Quart of Shrimp and Almonds, Big tub of Wonton Soup. Ooh, yeah, bunch of Fortune Cookies and Wings."
KingOrangeTyger: Fine, since it's coming out of my FAN credit account, that Pu Pu Platter is mine. Heaven knows that you've been loading up on all our food since we've returned to the compound. Making poor Primo and Natalya run out and pick up your Marella pizza. Extra Bacon of course.
KingOrangeTyger: And here's Demented trying to steal from the Freakin' Awesome Network Compound's treasure Room. We found his finger prints all over the tennis rackets donated by Jim Cornette and he ended up stealing Coach's whistle. Why he would want Big Show's Sumo gear from his Wrestlemania match with Akebono, I don't have the foggiest idea but it's now his. Probably intends to go camping somewhere. Pepper's dog collar, all those 100 dollar bills we took from the mouths of the Enhancement talent the Million Dollar Man would leave, the Katie Vick mannequin, my on-going collection of Darren Young's afro picks... all gone. Fortunately, we were able to save the stun gun used by Kevin Nash to end Goldberg's undefeated Streak. There is that.
Roxie Daggers: Yes, yes, have to keep optimistic... (Hides the stun gun used by Kevin Nash to end Goldberg's Undefeated Streak that she stole in her leather jacket).
KingOrangeTyger: So, be on the look out for Demented, stay safe, best to have a FAN Buddy to watch your back. Don't trust knives and maybe we'll all make it out of here alive. Be on your best behavior ok?
After the briefing, the FAN Contestants gave the Judges (who were all out doing who knows what kind of sinful debauchery) the following Songs:
Be Like That- 3 Doors Down (Envy)
www.youtube.com/watch?v=HHpMtWtgUvcGives You Hell- All-American Rejects (Wrath)
www.youtube.com/watch?v=uxUATkpMQ8AContact High- Architecture in Helsinki (Lust)
www.youtube.com/watch?v=IxjcszKEcHEA Little Piece of Heaven - Avenged Sevenfold (Envy, Pride, Lust, Wrath)
www.youtube.com/watch?v=VurhzANQ_B0Money (That's What I Want)- Barrett Strong (Greed)
www.youtube.com/watch?v=oeKBPDg1ma8Summertime Blues- Eddie Cochran (Sloth)
www.youtube.com/watch?v=fZZD8ckwLJABeen Caught Stealing- Jane's Addiction (Greed)
www.youtube.com/watch?v=jrwjiO1MCVsJealous Guy- John Lennon (Envy)
www.youtube.com/watch?v=DzhyKn1ThpUAlfie- Lily Allen (Sloth)
www.youtube.com/watch?v=3bXxo5QFF88Little Baby Nothing- Manic Street Preachers (Pride, Envy, Gluttony, Lust, Wrath, Greed, Sloth)
www.youtube.com/watch?v=wM3N54avEQcIt Wasn't Me - Shaggy (Lust)
www.youtube.com/watch?v=GH_StQ6KdW0Mother Mother- Tracy Bonham (Wrath)
www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Xi8NvSetZcDo to Me - Trombone Shorty (Lust)
www.youtube.com/watch?v=KBgMGuEf87Y