The six remaining Fan Idol hopefuls found themselves called to the FAN Safe Room, a vast secret storehouse reinforced by the bamboo fencing of the infamous Punjabi Prison match and filled with sundry foreign (or international, as WCW would refer to in a politically correct manner) objects for which the contestants to protect themselves with in the event of Demented's attack. Hacksaw's 2x4, William Regal's Power of the Punch brass knuckles, Jimmy Hart's Megaphone, Big Bossman's nightstick, Mick Foley's Barbed Wire bat that fw91 had on him for some reason (don't ask) were all taken up for protection per the Host's orders. Huddled together, the Fan Contestants, wearing "I'm a FAN, please Help" t-shirts with a picture of old school jobber tag team extraordinaire the Mulkey Brothers underneath those words, drew up escape plans in case the Demented one would spring upon them.
KingOrangeTyger (the words "This Space for Rent-Demented" scrawled on his forehead in green and red ink, ink that would take four weeks to wash off his fur or skin or whatever the Host has): *Damnit, grumble, grumble* I'm sorry to say, contestants, that these precautions are necessary. Demented is not one to be trifled with, as the many bruised FAN testicles left in his wake can attest to. So, we must abandon the auditorium that we are accustomed to and take refuge in this Safe Room. In case of emergency, please consult Judge Strong Brad, as his skills in the secret arts of the Ninja have proved valuable in similar situations in the past. I will, of course, reveal the Scores for Round 25: The Seven Deadly Sins and announce the theme for Round 26. The Seven Deadly Sins, as a concept, allows the contestant an unbelievable amount of freedom if one has the musical prowess and vivid imagination required to become a Fan Idol. (Taking out and opening a suspicious envelope) And now the scores... OH DAMNIT, THAT BASTARD!!!
As the Host opened a box that had "Judge's Results" stamped upon it, countless "4"s dropped out it: 4s of innumerable shapes and colors clipped out of newspapers and magazines; Pictures of the every era of the Four Horsemen showing their legendary symbol; building blocks of the Number 4 and Lincoln Logs shaped into 4s that ranged to near microscopic to enormous, 4 ft long and 2 feet tall 4s, Miniature Connect Four Game boards and pamphlets excerpting the Joy of Sex's "Foreplay" section; Oddly colored Cookies and cupcakes shaped like the number 4 with an enormous cake showing the Host with crudely drawn glasses and a beard and "KingOrangeTyger is Poopy" written in frosting with 4 candles.
The Host spent a good four minutes pulling the string of a talking Harley Quinn doll that said, in Demented's disturbing voice, "There is no 4! There is no 4! There is no 4!" over and over again.
After a while, a Judge dressed up as an Orange Million Dollar Man Ted Dibiase gave the real results to the Host, laughing in a distinct, deep voiced manner, sticking an Orange dollar bill quickly into the Host's fanged mouth and taking out even quicker, talking about prices and expostulating his belief that everyone had them. The Orange Million Dollar Man sat at a dais next to a stoner-slow moving judge dressed as The Brian Kendrick-era Brian Kendrick with a stylized Brain helmet on his head, a pillow with a picture of Jushin Thunder Liger upon it underneath his head, stretching out with dubious colored smoke coming from his mouth; a Host hitting on all the Ladies in sight (not that there were too many of them), gyrating provocatively at intervals, and calling himself the Big Jaybowlski, a white towel monogrammed "J" wrapped around him, hiding his Fandango from the world; A Judge primping and fluffing the hair coming out of His "G" stylized mask and applying guy-liner to his masked face, an atomizer with "Save Us Gus, you Sexy Beast" sticker upon it, a "Yes, I am a Model" trademarked hand mirror; A Host dressed as Lord Tensai (putting on the pounds pounds tbh) with a big smile on his face, well, as large a smile as one could display while wearing a ninja mask, eating countless pieces of sushi and sashimi dipped in soy sauce, ginger, and wasabi, enormous pieces of blue crab, sweet eel, sea urchin, and fatty tuna while listening to his mix tape; A Horse Headed Judge dressed as a Kliq-hating Dean Douglas, his Past FAN/Wrestlecrap Idol Trophies (one a Platinum Gooker medal, the other an Arn Anderson is a Bear Meme trophy depicting the Horseman as half Man- Half Bear, with "Hosted by the esteemed Cageking" written on a platform upon which Bear Anderson crouched) shook his fist at a picture of Anonymous GM proudly displaying of her FAN/Wrestlecrap Idol Trophies Ultimo Dragon style, fully outfitted with a Crown, Scepter, and a stuffed Gobbeldy Gooker doll in her gloved hand. Finally, a Judge with a pronounced Widow's Peak and dressed as "Electric Cowboy"-era Mach Man Randy Savage, with shades, tasseled boots, and filled with rage about having only five personal chauffers and not the six she requested (plus, they were the Spirit Squad, and who likes those guys?), started to throw a fit, stating that she refuses to judge any longer with these inadequate conditions, saying that her agent informed her that all her needs would be met and heaven help the jobbers that faced her wrath.
(the Seven deadly Sins in the anime Full metal Alchemist; I imagine the shadowy one to the right is Strong Brad)
With all these natural born sinners surrounding him, the Judge hurried with the results, still befuddled on how Demented could acquire so many 4's on such short notice.
KingOrangeTyger: And now for the results of Round 25: The Seven Deadly Sins. The winner will receive an advantage that will be stated in an upcoming post:
In Sixth Place, taking home a smooth 45 points, is a contestant who has shown to be a slumbering giant at times this Season, one who's wrath is great if disturbed. Walking with ease into the next Round is...
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Sloth Spartan!!! who's doing a whole lot to earn the judges' favor with Trombone Shorty's Do To Me and, regardless of what he says, it was him with Shaggy's It Wasn't Me!!!
Sloth Spartan also stole us something a bit ethereal with a Little Piece of Heaven by Avenged Sevenfold!!!
Nothing to be envious about here for this contestant, who scored 48 big points. In Fifth place, standing on their own two feet without a jealous bone in their body is...
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Stinger4Christ!!! who brought us a tune from a mega famous musician who has no need to be jealous with John Lennon's Jealous Guy and gave us a world of hurt with the bombastic All-American Reject's Gives you Hell!!!
Eating up this deliciously sinful Round is a contestant on the rebound, finding room at the table in Fourth place. Stuffing their mouth full and still talking on and on is...
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fw91!!! who told us the unsettling tale of one freaky "Mommy Dearest" with the enraged Tracy Bonham's Mother, Mother and let us know just jealous those guys down the hall are about the freakin' awesome network with 3 Doors Down Be Like That!!!
Earning the bronze for this unholy Round, raking in 62 jangling points, is a contestant who's gonna make it rain in here with riches. Everybody has a price and this contestant has third place...
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The Anonymous GM!!! who must be doing the good stuff as we all got a bit giddy from Architecture in Helsinki's Contact High and who may have thrown a wrathful fit but, really, she's a nice, docile kid, bringing us Little Baby Nothing by Manic Street Preachers!!!
Knalsic Loves to Boogie. Roxie Daggers. Please step forward.
We have a real pair of Natural Born Sinners (not jobbers like those WCW guys though) at work here, both of whom did a wonderful job interpreting perhaps our most abstract Round yet. I feel that this Round has shown that all six of our remaining contestants are strong contenders for the FAN Idol championship moving forward and that the next Round will go a long way to show who's a bit a head of this impressive curve.
The biggest sinner of all, earning 77 points and winning round 25: The seven Deadly Sins is...
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Roxie Daggers!!! who stole this Round right under me with Jane's Addiction's Been Caught Stealing and then took a nap alongside Lilly Allen's Alfie!!! Congratulations!!!
Someone else who should be going to church more often is Knalsic Loves to Boogie, who gained 70 sinful points, showing that he was all about the benjamins with Barrett Strong's Money, That's what I want and sleeping away a lazy summer day with Eddie Cochran's slothful classic Summertime Blues!!!
Judges' Rankings:
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1. Roxie Daggers= 77
Been Caught Stealing- Jane’s Addiction (Greed)
J-12, P-12, SB-2, WP-11= 37
Alfie- Lily Allen (Sloth)
J-7, P-13, SB-7, WP- 13= 40
2. Knailsic loves to Boogie= 70
Barrett Strong "Money (That's What I Want)" (Greed)
J-13, P-6, SB-12, WP-5= 36
Eddie Cochran "Summertime Blues" (Sloth)
J-6, P-5, SB-13, WP-10= 34
3. The Anonymous GM= 62
Lust- Contact High- Architecture in Helsinki
J-11, P-7, SB-6, WP-9= 33
Little Baby Nothing- Manic Street Preachers (Pride, Envy, Gluttony, Lust, Wrath, Greed, Sloth)
J-9, P-10, SB-3, WP-7= 29
4. Fw91= 51
Wrath- Mother, Mother- Tracy Bonham
J-10, P-11, SB-4, WP-6= 31
Envy- Be Like That- 3 Doors Down
J-3, P-4, SB-10, WP-3= 20
5. Stinger4Christ = 48
Jealous Guy- John Lennon (Envy)
J-8, P-1, SB-11, WP-12= 32
Gives You Hell- All-American Rejects (Wrath)
J-2, P-3, SB-9, WP-2= 16
6. Sloth Spartan- 45
Do To Me- Trombone Shorty (Lust)
J-5, P-2, SB-8, WP-8= 23
It Wasn’t Me- Shaggy (Lust)
J-4, P-9, SB-5, WP-4= 22
A Little Piece of Heaven- Avenged Sevenfold (Envy, Pride, Lust, Anger)
J-1, P-8, SB-1, WP-1= 11