Lester Bangs: The Doors? Jim Morrison? He's a drunken buffoon posing as a poet.
Alice Wisdom: I like The Doors.
Lester Bangs: Give me The Guess Who. They got the courage to be drunken buffoons, which makes them poetic.- Almost Famous
As the judges were hard at work deliberating on Round 13's songs, the 15 remaining FAN Idol contestants had to endure the bizarre antics of WWE Superstar Goldust. The would-be auteur had no shortage of avant-garde plans for his unwilling cinematic victims. What one had to do to become FAN Idol...
Goldust (on the FAN Beach Set, speaking through a megaphone): Now Knalsic, I need you to run. Run and don't look back... (Knalsic starts to run on the white sand, ocean waves crashing against the rocks before him). Yes, that's it. Now, you need to think. You just escaped from the FAN Boarding School, such tedious work was never meant for a free soul like yourself, and now you're thinking about the future. Yes, the Future (twitches a bit like he's undergoing electric shock) Knalisic, so many moments ahead of you, so many songs you've yet to sing. That's it. Stop and think... you can look around for a bit. You're on a beach and there's the rocks and the ocean and- yes?
Knalsic:.... are there supposed to be sharks here? (Looks out to the ocean, sees rather sinister fins bobbing up and down)
Goldust: Sharks? Yes, use them. Use the sharks. As I said, I want you to think about the future. Your mother is a flirt, your father a buffoon, all the children at school are jealous of your sensitivity and your wide-eyed wonder and-
Knalsic (jumping back from the sea shore, almost getting attacked by a shark): Look, I know we're filming a scene here for the Freakin' Awesome movie but, really, sharks? It's bad enough they let Tigers and Bears host this dumb thing but sharks? I didn't sign up for this and I don't care about your artistic vision, I'm just here to play and- why are you looking at me?
Goldust: End Scene. You need to stop. You are running on a beach, the future is bright and uncertain, and then, BAM, you stop. End scene.
Knalisc: What in the world are you talking about-
Goldust: Yes! Perfect. No matter how many blows life delivers you... you can always run Knalsic. Run towards your future!
Knalsic: What do you me-
Goldust: Remember, it's FIN. You can't move or say anything. Just use your eyes.
Knalsic (thinking to himself when you notices a shark inch forward): Oh damnit.
The other contestants met similar fates in the hands of Goldust.
Majin Brad (Dressed up a in costume vaguely resembling an exterminator's uniform, a crossed out ghost insignia on his chest): Now, when you say "Then you capture the Ghost", you don't really mean "Capture the Ghost", do you?
Goldust (grimacing with his eyes closed, hand on his left temple): I do indeed. Capture the ghost. You didn't read the book I fed-ex'd you before shooting began, did you?
Majin Brad: No, I didn't. That book was weird and it said creepy things to me that I really don't want to think about.
Goldust: That weird book, as you call it, is truly a gateway to a higher order of reality, Mr. Brad. (Starts barking like a seal for a moment) Yes, indeed, a Golden Reality, if you will.
J (covered in green ectoplasm): Yeah, well, screw that Golden Reality. I got slimed. Let me tell you, I've played in a lot of these Idol Games over the years and I judged in the last one. I've been under-payed, over worked, and subjected to abuse by a big jackass who likes to dress up as a Tiger. But this (shakes off green ectoplasm from his hands) takes the cake. Nah (charging up a photon gun), this time, this time it's on.
*J gets up, screams at the top of his lungs, and runs down a hall way*
Goldust (excitedly): Oh my! J has such fire! I can see a golden future for that young man. He may be the Mifune to my Kurosawa! The De Niro to my Scorcese! The Tommy Wiseau to my Tommy Wiseau!
Majin Brad (thumbing through the Necronomican): The Bruce Campbell to your Sam Raimi?
Goldust (lighting up): Yes!
*J chases a rather familiar Ghost that appears to be wearing a mask, missing it by mere centimeters with a photon blast*
Majin Brad (surprised, addressing the Ghost): ANONYMOUS GM!?! When did you become a ghost?
ANONYMOUS GM: (Slimes J) Dear boy, I've been a ghost since Season 1! (Flies off into the night, as J tries to shoot her again)
Senor Tyger: Contestants,
Round 13 asked you to choose a song related to Film. From spy thrillers to cyberpunk anime, classic Hollywood romance to slice and dice martial arts action, you plunged the depths of the medium to present us with some amazing musical choices. The winner of this Round will be able to select an additional song for Round 14:
Film Club, a considerable advantage at this crucial stage of the competition. Now for the results:
In 13th place, with a score of 21 points, is a contestant who was inspired by one of the most controversial films of all time. There's still a lot of fight left in...
{Spoiler}{Spoiler}
Moonie!!! who partook in the old ultraviolence, selecting Buckethead's maddening The Ludovico Technique, referencing Stanley Kubrick's A Clockwork Orange!!!
Gathering 23 points and garnering 12th place is a contestant who chose a song that first appeared on the debut album of one of the most famous (and infamous) pop stars of all time. Taking a hard-earned break is...
{Spoiler}{Spoiler}
Alex Hayden: Weapon X!!! who still plays hard, even on vacation, bringing us Madonna's Holiday, from the Rugrats Go Wild soundtrack!!!
In a tie for 11th place, receiving 25 points a piece, are two contestants inspired by the shadowy worlds of espionage and cyberpunk...
{Spoiler}{Spoiler}
Gus "The Predator Richlen!!! who checked off a song from his Idol bucket list by producing Kenji Kawai's Making of a Cyborg from the anime classic, Ghost in a Shell!!!
and
radradsley!!! who isn't shaken this Round nor stirred, taking a cosmic risk with the legendary Shirley Bassey's title song for the spy thriller Moonraker, starring Cinema's true icon, James Bond!!!
Breaking into the top ten, bringing in 31 points, is a contestant who isn't here to amuse you. He's a tough talking goon who's gonna give it to you straight. Stay out this contestant's trunk...
{Spoiler}{Spoiler}
J!!! who sure is a wise guy, jumping into this Round head first and lighting it up with Harry Nilsson's Jump into the Fire, as heard in Martin Scorcese's Goodfellas!!!
With 33 points, is a contestant who wrapped up 9th place with a song featured in a quirky film about a kid who likes his extracurricular activities. Always thinking outside of the box is...
{Spoiler}{Spoiler}
Pegasus Warrior!!! who danced the night away while The Faces' Ooh La La played in Wes Anderson's Rushmore!!!
Summoning up 35 points, just one point shy of a tie for 7th place, is a contestant who payed homage to B-movies and shock rock. Coming in 8th place and creeping forward is...
{Spoiler}{Spoiler}
Knalsic Loves to Boogie!!! who hosted a creature feature fit enough for Rob Zombie's spooky mind with horror punk group The Misfits' Astro Zombies, from Walk Among Us!!!
Stomping into 7th place with 36 points, is a contestant who also turned his eye to the horror genre. Fleeing the zombie apocalypse has never been as catchy, thanks to...
{Spoiler}{Spoiler}
Mr. B: Natural: Law/Disorder!!! who howled at the moon even as he ran from the brain eaters, finding success with Sea Wolf's You're a Wolf from Zombieland!!!
In 6th place, drawing up 40 big time points, is a contestant who decided to take a little break, maybe go on vacation on an island in the middle of nowhere. There's a lot of sun and surf for...
{Spoiler}{Spoiler}
Roxie Daggers!!! who can bask in the sunlight while listening to Cake's Love You Madly featured in Forgetting Sarah Marshall!!!
In 5th place is a perennial favorite who never monkeys around, even when choosing a horror classic. With 43 points, this contestant is always looking to the sky and seeing some scary things going on...
{Spoiler}{Spoiler}
Square!!! who unleashed his wild side, picking The Lillington's I Saw the Ape Man (On the Moon), inspired by the Ape Man!!!
4th place is the site of our second tie!!! Just two points short of a three way tie for third place are a pair of contestants who chose songs inspired by movies that are vastly far part in both time and space. Earning 52 points a piece are...
{Spoiler}{Spoiler}
Sloth Spartan!!! who's starting to play dirty, as exemplified with Tomoyasu Hotei's Battle Without Honor or Humanity from Quintin Tarintino's modern day samurai revenge Kill Bill!!!
and
suavegentleman!!! who hopes to move forward into a bright future by going back to a simpler past, using Marvin Berry and the Starlighter's take on Johnny B. Goode!!!
Cracking the top three, with 54 points, is a contestant who has a knack for returning from the dead, more determined than ever to become FAN Idol. There are plenty of shocks in store for us from...
{Spoiler}{Spoiler}
Lodi "Wyatt" Rulz!!! who continues to rise, finding inspiration in the hockey masked slasher Jason and shock rocker Alice Cooper's He's Back (The Man Behind the Mask), as featured in Friday the 13th part 6: Jason Lives!!!
{Spoiler}{Spoiler}
Majin Brad. Orange. Please step forward.
You two are the highest scorers for Round 13: Moving Pictures. The winner will have the option of selecting an additional song for Round 14: Film Club. Songs from across genres, both film and musical, were sent in for this Round. The variety speaks highly of this Season and I hope it is a sign of the diverse music to come.
With 70 points, the winner of Round 13: Moving Pictures is...
{Spoiler}{Spoiler}
Majin Brad!!! who is not just some Anakin Guy, he may be FAN Idol later if he keeps this up, selecting Weird Al's The Saga Begins, a parody of Don McLean's American Pie for the Star Wars Episode One: The Phantom Menace!!! Congratulations!
Not to be outdone, with 61 points, is Orange!!! who secured second place with Deep Blue Something's monster hit, Breakfast at Tiffany's, which references Audrey Hepburn's turn as Holly Golightly in the film of the same name!!!
Judge's Rankings:
{Spoiler}{Spoiler}
1. Majin Brad
The Saga Begins- Weird Al (references Star Wars: Episode 1 The Phantom Menace)
CF-11, D-15, FW-14, NC-15, S-15= 70
2. Orange
Breakfast at Tiffany’s- Deep Blue Something (references Breakfast at Tiffany’s)
CF-15, D-11, FW-15, NC-7, S-13= 61
3. Lodi “Wyatt” Rulz
He’s Back (The Man Behind the Mask)- Alice Cooper (Friday the 13th Part 6)
CF-14, D-13, FW-10, NC-13, S-4= 54
T-4. Sloth Spartan
Battle without Honor or Humanity- Tomoyasu Hotei (Kill Bill)
CF-12, D-12, FW-11, NC-11, S-6= 52
T-4. Suavegentleman
Johnny B. Goode- Marvin Berry and the Starlighters (Back to the Future)
CF-10, D-14, FW-9, NC-5, S-14= 52
5. Square
I Saw the Ape Man (On the Moon)- The Lillingtons (references The Ape Man)
CF-13, D-1, FW-12, NC-10, S-7= 43
6. Roxie Daggers
Love You Madly- Cake (Forgetting Sarah Marshall)
CF-9, D-5, FW-6, NC-9, S-11= 40
7. Mr. B Natural: Law/Disorder
You’re a Wolf- Sea Wolf (Zombieland)
CF-4, D-6, FW-5, NC-12, S-9= 36
8. Knalsic Loves to Boogie
Astro Zombies- The Misfits (Walk Among Us)
CF-6, D-3, FW-7, NC-14, S-5= 35
9. Pegasus Warrior
Ooh La La- The Faces (Rushmore)
CF-2, D-2, FW-13, NC-4, S-12= 33
10. J
Jump into the Fire- Harry Nilsson (Goodfellas)
CF-7, D-7, FW-8, NC-1, S-8= 31
T-11. Gus “The Predator” Richlen
Making of a Cyborg- Kenji Kawai (Ghost in the Cell)
CF-3, D-10, FW-1, NC-8, S-3= 25
T-11. Radradsley
Moonraker- Shirley Bassey (Moonraker)
CF-5, D-4, FW-4, NC-2, S-10= 25
12. Alex Hayden: Weapon X
Holiday- Madonna (Rugrats Go Wild)
CF-8, D-8, FW-3, NC-3, S-1= 23
13. Moonie
The Ludovico Technique- Buckethead (references A Clockwork Orange)
CF-1, D-9, FW-2, NC-7, S-2= 21
