fg
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Gaming
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Post by fg on Aug 22, 2021 21:03:13 GMT -5
I have been in the workforce for a long time. I have people say things that are funny as well as heard of funny incidents. Well, I can safely say I never heard of an employee get each hand stuck in vending machines because they refuse to let go of the item that was stuck in the vending machine as well as employees running around the place when the fire alarm goes off, like I said, I have seen many incidents.
When I was working for Sears Hardware stores in 2004, on y shift there was an employee that was pushing a faulty cart full of paint cans to the paint desk. He is push8ng it and accidentally crashes it against a wooden pallet next to the paint desk which caused the paint cans to tumble and well…let’s just say that the floor next to the paint desk got a BRAND NEW PAINT JOB. He along with another associate had to clean it up and they got paint all over themselves. I felt so bad for them. Fortunately, nobody got hurt and no one got fired. According to one of the associates, customers were asking: “Was this an accident?” The associate felt like saying: “No, we do this on purpose.”
When I worked for the Sears full line store in package pickup, me and my foreman had to empty out the DDC truck which is a small truck full of big items like refrigerators. They are a cinch to empty out but the receiving area was full of items from the previous day’s truck as well as a mess that one of our coworkers caused (this is the same coworker that I mentioned that was lazy, bossy, refused to clean up after h8mself etc.) Nevertheless, we tried to empty out the truck. The loss prevention guy comes by due to…reasons. He can’t believe the mess that the other worker left and when he sees where my foreman was putting the items, he to,d h8m he can’t put them there. My foreman hilariously responds by saying: “When you think of a better idea, please let me know.”
The following month, I was out on the salesfloor and I got a message on my snick (Sears palm pilot like device) that we had 15 merchandise pickup requests which was and still is unreal. I got back there since Sears has a ready-in-5 minutes guarantee when a customer picks up an item or we have to give them a $5 coupon. I asked if this was a joke. Of course it wasn’t. A customer the previous night, went onto Sears.com and did 15 different transactions. My foreman called the store manager and told him: “I have to unplug the merchandise pickup kiosk or we have to give this customer 15 $5 off coupons.” The store manager says ok. He does and when he plugs it back in, the merchandise pickup requests are still there but the customer has already left with their items. Their was a lot of work that had to be done to eliminate those requests and nevertheless it caused a lot of anguish. When I got home, I remembered what my foreman said about the 15 $5 coupons, I was laughing my head off. That was something that you would hear on let’s say I Love Lucy.
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Post by Fade is a CodyCryBaby on Aug 22, 2021 21:14:02 GMT -5
At my old job at Dinnyland, the funniest things I ever probably saw were doubles walking on set and into each other. Some of the most awkward, cringiest sights. Between them freaking out, people yelling, yeah.
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fg
Unicron
Gaming
Posts: 2,949
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Post by fg on Aug 22, 2021 21:18:31 GMT -5
At my old job at Dinnyland, the funniest things I ever probably saw were doubles walking on set and into each other. Some of the most awkward, cringiest sights. Between them freaking out, people yelling, yeah. Dinneyland?
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Cranjis McBasketball
Crow T. Robot
Knew what the hell that thing was supposed to be
Peace Love and Nothing But
Posts: 41,919
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Post by Cranjis McBasketball on Aug 23, 2021 1:43:51 GMT -5
There’s so many ridiculous stories. I don’t know what to even tell. Here’s a quick one.
Guy is outside having a smoke. He sees a kitty. He decided to shoo it away. The kitty sprayed him. The kitty you see, was a skunk.
Another time, he decides he needs to “borrow” some drain cleaner from work. Now, this is serious cleaner. You don’t get it at the grocery store. It’ll f*** shit up. So rather than just steal the bottle, use what he needs and bring the rest back like a normal person, he rummages through the trash, gets a Coke bottle, fills it up and tosses in the back of his brand new $75000 SUV. The cleaner ate through the Coke bottle and straight through his SUV in short order.
So many amazing stories of him I could tell. We still tell them at work. He’s a legend.
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Sam Punk
Hank Scorpio
Own Nothing, Be Happy
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Post by Sam Punk on Aug 23, 2021 1:55:54 GMT -5
We were doing work at a high school gym. One of the guys was in a real bad mood. As we were finishing up he saw a volleyball on the ground, ran over and kicked it as hard as he could. Only after hitting it did he realize that it was actually a medicine ball. Down he went. I'm surprised he didn't break his foot.
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Cranjis McBasketball
Crow T. Robot
Knew what the hell that thing was supposed to be
Peace Love and Nothing But
Posts: 41,919
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Post by Cranjis McBasketball on Aug 23, 2021 1:57:24 GMT -5
Here’s a better one from when I worked retail. I worked in the electronics section. They decided we had to ask every single customer “Any film or batteries today?” As retail jobs go, sometimes we did, sometimes we didn’t, but one coworker always got the ire of management for various things. He would never ask. As we were in the middle of the store, to take your till in, you had to be escorted by management. So, one day, all the stars align. He’s helping a customer, while management waits to escort someone with their till. The customer is buying only film and batteries. “Would you like any film or batteries today?” The customer asked him what he was on about. “I gotta ask everyone. No exceptions. Ask my managers”. The customer declared that f***ing stupid.
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Paul
Vegeta
Posts: 9,245
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Post by Paul on Aug 23, 2021 8:40:48 GMT -5
There’s so many ridiculous stories. I don’t know what to even tell. Here’s a quick one. Guy is outside having a smoke. He sees a kitty. He decided to shoo it away. The kitty sprayed him. The kitty you see, was a skunk. Another time, he decides he needs to “borrow” some drain cleaner from work. Now, this is serious cleaner. You don’t get it at the grocery store. It’ll f*** shit up. So rather than just steal the bottle, use what he needs and bring the rest back like a normal person, he rummages through the trash, gets a Coke bottle, fills it up and tosses in the back of his brand new $75000 SUV. The cleaner ate through the Coke bottle and straight through his SUV in short order. So many amazing stories of him I could tell. We still tell them at work. He’s a legend. These are great. Please share more.
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Cranjis McBasketball
Crow T. Robot
Knew what the hell that thing was supposed to be
Peace Love and Nothing But
Posts: 41,919
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Post by Cranjis McBasketball on Aug 23, 2021 20:43:57 GMT -5
There’s so many ridiculous stories. I don’t know what to even tell. Here’s a quick one. Guy is outside having a smoke. He sees a kitty. He decided to shoo it away. The kitty sprayed him. The kitty you see, was a skunk. Another time, he decides he needs to “borrow” some drain cleaner from work. Now, this is serious cleaner. You don’t get it at the grocery store. It’ll f*** shit up. So rather than just steal the bottle, use what he needs and bring the rest back like a normal person, he rummages through the trash, gets a Coke bottle, fills it up and tosses in the back of his brand new $75000 SUV. The cleaner ate through the Coke bottle and straight through his SUV in short order. So many amazing stories of him I could tell. We still tell them at work. He’s a legend. These are great. Please share more. Same guy. He's a single dad, I'll spare you the sad story, but he's got two boys maybe like 12 and 9. In times past, he expressed his frustration his oldest had discovered porn on the internet. One night he says, "Hey, my youngest is at a sleepover, my oldest is home alone. I really don't want him to be. Would you mind if I went home and got him and brought him to work?" I said I didn't care, so he went and fetched him and put his boy to work doing half his job. It's just cleaning, it's not a huge deal. Anyway, end of the night, they left a little ahead of me and my coworker. We're walking down the sidewalk and single dad's SUV, previously featured in the drain cleaner story, zooms by, with single dad hanging out the passenger window, double hang loose signs flashed, "IT'S GREAT HAVING A DESIGNATED DRIVER!!!!!" So, do the math. THe next day, we asked him what the f*** was with that, he says to us, like we're the assholes and we've missed the completely obvious, "He's been driving since he was 8" One day, he shows up late to work. I don't care, he'll always be there, if he's late, he'll make it up anyway. Finally gets in. "You're lucky I came in today" Why is that? "Ah, my tires are f***ed, I drove all the way here on my rims". And he did. His front tires were barely hanging on and he drove all the way across town on his rims. He then just abandoned his car in the parking lot of work. For weeks. Not sure if he finally moved it or it finally just got towed. But that's when he went out and got the brand new $75000 SUV.
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Cranjis McBasketball
Crow T. Robot
Knew what the hell that thing was supposed to be
Peace Love and Nothing But
Posts: 41,919
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Post by Cranjis McBasketball on Aug 24, 2021 0:15:30 GMT -5
There’s so many ridiculous stories. I don’t know what to even tell. Here’s a quick one. Guy is outside having a smoke. He sees a kitty. He decided to shoo it away. The kitty sprayed him. The kitty you see, was a skunk. Another time, he decides he needs to “borrow” some drain cleaner from work. Now, this is serious cleaner. You don’t get it at the grocery store. It’ll f*** shit up. So rather than just steal the bottle, use what he needs and bring the rest back like a normal person, he rummages through the trash, gets a Coke bottle, fills it up and tosses in the back of his brand new $75000 SUV. The cleaner ate through the Coke bottle and straight through his SUV in short order. So many amazing stories of him I could tell. We still tell them at work. He’s a legend. These are great. Please share more. Another guy. A friend. We had a women's hockey game coming in. He figured he had time to duck into the referee room before the game to take of business. We often go there, it's private, not often used. While in the middle, suddenly two young girls show to use their dressing room. Now he's stuck. The terlit is kind of hidden, you couldn't tell someone is in there by looking for feet, but they complained amongst themselves of the smell. He had no choice. He finished up. Walked out. Gave them a "ladies" and a nod...
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Cranjis McBasketball
Crow T. Robot
Knew what the hell that thing was supposed to be
Peace Love and Nothing But
Posts: 41,919
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Post by Cranjis McBasketball on Aug 24, 2021 0:17:29 GMT -5
There’s so many ridiculous stories. I don’t know what to even tell. Here’s a quick one. Guy is outside having a smoke. He sees a kitty. He decided to shoo it away. The kitty sprayed him. The kitty you see, was a skunk. Another time, he decides he needs to “borrow” some drain cleaner from work. Now, this is serious cleaner. You don’t get it at the grocery store. It’ll f*** shit up. So rather than just steal the bottle, use what he needs and bring the rest back like a normal person, he rummages through the trash, gets a Coke bottle, fills it up and tosses in the back of his brand new $75000 SUV. The cleaner ate through the Coke bottle and straight through his SUV in short order. So many amazing stories of him I could tell. We still tell them at work. He’s a legend. These are great. Please share more. Keep giving me attention, I'll keep telling you stories. Once I exhaust the ones that are kind of universally funny, we can move into the ones where, you really do gotta know a guy.
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Cranjis McBasketball
Crow T. Robot
Knew what the hell that thing was supposed to be
Peace Love and Nothing But
Posts: 41,919
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Post by Cranjis McBasketball on Aug 24, 2021 0:29:21 GMT -5
There’s so many ridiculous stories. I don’t know what to even tell. Here’s a quick one. Guy is outside having a smoke. He sees a kitty. He decided to shoo it away. The kitty sprayed him. The kitty you see, was a skunk. Another time, he decides he needs to “borrow” some drain cleaner from work. Now, this is serious cleaner. You don’t get it at the grocery store. It’ll f*** shit up. So rather than just steal the bottle, use what he needs and bring the rest back like a normal person, he rummages through the trash, gets a Coke bottle, fills it up and tosses in the back of his brand new $75000 SUV. The cleaner ate through the Coke bottle and straight through his SUV in short order. So many amazing stories of him I could tell. We still tell them at work. He’s a legend. These are great. Please share more. We have a PA system at work that plays radio. Now, usually, at my demand, it plays classic rock. So, classic rock is on. Co-worker is a giant AC/DC fan. Thunderstruck is on. At the time, our uniform is red. Red shirt, red hoody. It's closing time, people are leaving, but it's not time for everyone to be out yet. Thunderstruck is on. Co-worker runs up to a guy in a red hoody, grabs him by both shoulders, shakes him violently, and f***ing screams "THUNDER!!!!" Of course, it was just a patron who happened to be wearing a red hoody.
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Cranjis McBasketball
Crow T. Robot
Knew what the hell that thing was supposed to be
Peace Love and Nothing But
Posts: 41,919
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Post by Cranjis McBasketball on Aug 24, 2021 0:35:35 GMT -5
There’s so many ridiculous stories. I don’t know what to even tell. Here’s a quick one. Guy is outside having a smoke. He sees a kitty. He decided to shoo it away. The kitty sprayed him. The kitty you see, was a skunk. Another time, he decides he needs to “borrow” some drain cleaner from work. Now, this is serious cleaner. You don’t get it at the grocery store. It’ll f*** shit up. So rather than just steal the bottle, use what he needs and bring the rest back like a normal person, he rummages through the trash, gets a Coke bottle, fills it up and tosses in the back of his brand new $75000 SUV. The cleaner ate through the Coke bottle and straight through his SUV in short order. So many amazing stories of him I could tell. We still tell them at work. He’s a legend. These are great. Please share more. There's a door we're supposed to have locked. It's basically never been locked. To this day, it's still not locked. It's just an annoying door to lock. No one but employees should ever be there, we don't lock it. It leads into a tool room. Well, one day it's locked. Co-worker is not happy. Walks across the building, to another tool room. Gets himself a hammer. Walks back to the door that should be locked. Proceeds to bash it a hammer until it no longer locks.
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Cranjis McBasketball
Crow T. Robot
Knew what the hell that thing was supposed to be
Peace Love and Nothing But
Posts: 41,919
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Post by Cranjis McBasketball on Aug 24, 2021 0:44:11 GMT -5
There’s so many ridiculous stories. I don’t know what to even tell. Here’s a quick one. Guy is outside having a smoke. He sees a kitty. He decided to shoo it away. The kitty sprayed him. The kitty you see, was a skunk. Another time, he decides he needs to “borrow” some drain cleaner from work. Now, this is serious cleaner. You don’t get it at the grocery store. It’ll f*** shit up. So rather than just steal the bottle, use what he needs and bring the rest back like a normal person, he rummages through the trash, gets a Coke bottle, fills it up and tosses in the back of his brand new $75000 SUV. The cleaner ate through the Coke bottle and straight through his SUV in short order. So many amazing stories of him I could tell. We still tell them at work. He’s a legend. These are great. Please share more. Want more yet? There's tales of the guy who got arrested at work, and there's tons of stories just on him. Spoiler alert. Being arrested on shift, not close to the final straw.
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Cranjis McBasketball
Crow T. Robot
Knew what the hell that thing was supposed to be
Peace Love and Nothing But
Posts: 41,919
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Post by Cranjis McBasketball on Aug 24, 2021 0:54:41 GMT -5
There’s so many ridiculous stories. I don’t know what to even tell. Here’s a quick one. Guy is outside having a smoke. He sees a kitty. He decided to shoo it away. The kitty sprayed him. The kitty you see, was a skunk. Another time, he decides he needs to “borrow” some drain cleaner from work. Now, this is serious cleaner. You don’t get it at the grocery store. It’ll f*** shit up. So rather than just steal the bottle, use what he needs and bring the rest back like a normal person, he rummages through the trash, gets a Coke bottle, fills it up and tosses in the back of his brand new $75000 SUV. The cleaner ate through the Coke bottle and straight through his SUV in short order. So many amazing stories of him I could tell. We still tell them at work. He’s a legend. These are great. Please share more. The time a co-worker chose to answer the phone thusly, "Housekeeping! Housekeeping! Housekeeping, you want towel? Housekeeping, you want mint for pillow? Housekeeping, you want me jerk you off?" When the terrified woman said, "Hello?", he only could respond, "I thought it was my boss!!!"
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Post by bibboid on Aug 24, 2021 1:04:04 GMT -5
There was a warehouse I used to work in where we made, packed and shipped cleaning supplies. Manufacturing and packing were at one end of the building. There was a 10’ x 10’ door that led to the rest of the warehouse. One guy picked up a pallet of product with his standup forklift, ran it to the other end of the building, put it on a top rack, and returned. He did not remember to lower his forks, but did manage to get the forklift into high gear. So he was going full speed when the 15’ high forks failed to go through the 10’ high door. The cinder block wall cracked but did not break. The forklift stopped instantly. Dumba$$ was launched off the machine and slammed into the far wall. I was amazed he didn’t get fired once the boss finished fishing the forklift and the wall.
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Cranjis McBasketball
Crow T. Robot
Knew what the hell that thing was supposed to be
Peace Love and Nothing But
Posts: 41,919
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Post by Cranjis McBasketball on Aug 24, 2021 1:07:27 GMT -5
There’s so many ridiculous stories. I don’t know what to even tell. Here’s a quick one. Guy is outside having a smoke. He sees a kitty. He decided to shoo it away. The kitty sprayed him. The kitty you see, was a skunk. Another time, he decides he needs to “borrow” some drain cleaner from work. Now, this is serious cleaner. You don’t get it at the grocery store. It’ll f*** shit up. So rather than just steal the bottle, use what he needs and bring the rest back like a normal person, he rummages through the trash, gets a Coke bottle, fills it up and tosses in the back of his brand new $75000 SUV. The cleaner ate through the Coke bottle and straight through his SUV in short order. So many amazing stories of him I could tell. We still tell them at work. He’s a legend. These are great. Please share more. There was a kid, maybe like 16. He had intellectual disabilities. We all knew him. He's harmless, but he's a smartass, with intellectual disability. One day, he has words with some other kids. My co-worker goes in, ex cop, knows how to talk people down. "Guys, take it easy. He has intellectual disability" They go, "No he doesn't" About that time, he comes f***ing combat rolling out the front door, makes finger guns and makes machine guns noise. Then he starts running and throwing imaginary grenades, complete with sound effects, straight to the bus station. They go "Ohhhhhhh"
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Paul
Vegeta
Posts: 9,245
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Post by Paul on Aug 24, 2021 1:10:08 GMT -5
There was a warehouse I used to work in where we made, packed and shipped cleaning supplies. Manufacturing and packing were at one end of the building. There was a 10’ x 10’ door that led to the rest of the warehouse. One guy picked up a pallet of product with his standup forklift, ran it to the other end of the building, put it on a top rack, and returned. He did not remember to lower his forks, but did manage to get the forklift into high gear. So he was going full speed when the 15’ high forks failed to go through the 10’ high door. The cinder block wall cracked but did not break. The forklift stopped instantly. Dumba$$ was launched off the machine and slammed into the far wall. I was amazed he didn’t get fired once the boss finished fishing the forklift and the wall. Pictured: Your Co-Worker.
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HeyYo
Trap-Jaw
Posts: 447
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Post by HeyYo on Aug 24, 2021 5:19:09 GMT -5
One of my good buddies is from Africa. He started his first job in Canada with us and was still new to the culture and learning the language.
One day they are serving hot dogs for lunch. He was perfectly normal before seeing everyone eating them and then had a horrified look on his face. He starts projectile vomiting in front of everyone like he's a wasted college kid. He thought everyone was eating dog dicks.
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Ultimo Gallos
Grimlock
Dreams SUCK!Nightmares live FOREVER!
Posts: 14,398
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Post by Ultimo Gallos on Aug 24, 2021 13:46:13 GMT -5
So when I got to my BCT base I messed up my left knee got sent to Training Corp till I was healed. Which is where they sent the guys that couldn't do 15 pushups in 3 minutes and the ladies that couldn't do 1 pushup in 3 minutes. They also would send any ESL person there for 2 weeks to get them adjusted to stuff.
3rd week I was there I get called into the Captain's office "Private we just got in a new guy from Haiti. Help show him around." I go meet the guy and show him where the barracks are,shower/bathroom and all that stuff. Then I had to go pull guard duty so asked a guy I had been in school with to take over introducing this new guy to our daily routine.
Well the guy I knew told the dude from Haiti that "Calling someone a Mother f***er is a sign of respect." I came back from guard duty for our afternoon PT time. That day our DI was this guy that had done 20 years in the Marines. Real tough guy. Haiti guy walks over "How are you doing today Mother f***er!"......
We all get dropped for 500 push ups. And while we are doing them the DI is talking to the dude from Haiti. Asking him who told him to use that term. After we finish the punishment pushups myself and the guy I knew from school get called into the office. Get handed two pairs of scissors and are told to go "cut the grass". Spent the next 5 hours cutting the grass with scissors.
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J. Hova
Don Corleone
Emotionally exhausted and morally bankrupt
Posts: 1,990
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Post by J. Hova on Aug 24, 2021 23:44:48 GMT -5
I think if you work somewhere long enough, you eventually get some great stories. I have a few.
When I was waiting tables and slinging drinks at the local country club:
The All-American cook and the pregnancies. This guy was about as Anglo-Saxon as can be imagined. He had fair skin, blonde hair, etc. He looked like the Nazi propaganda ideal. He got two of the waitresses pregnant at the same time and decided he didn't speak English anymore. What did he speak? Damned if I know, it was like a conglomeration of different languages. My Spanish was a lot better back then and I think he was trying to pass it off as that, but he would mix in German and I think some Klingon. It didn't turn out well.
The Executive Chef that when he got fired stole every single knife in the kitchen on his way out.
The black cat who somehow got let inside during a wedding reception. I've seen some brides lose it on their big day, but this was next level. I don't believe in omens, but if I did, just wow.
Another wedding reception someone had a little too much fun in the moonlight on one of the greens with one of the females at the reception. Let's just say there were some more divots in that green in the shape of various body parts the next morning.
The clubhouse had a bar and dining room that had a series of windows that looked out onto the golf course. We had been having racoon problems and one was on the patio area one night as we were locking up. I was closing out the register and look up to see one of the waiters chasing the racoon with a broom through the series of windows and then was blocked by a wall. I then see him running back the other way with two or three racoons chasing him. If it wasn't for the fact that racoons could be rabid and whatnot, I would have held that door shut or locked it for a moment to mess with him.
Now at my current job doing IT work, specifically when I was doing help desk work years ago:
We had this help desk tech contractor who had to tip the scales somewhere in the neighborhood of 500 pounds. He sat along the wall with his back to me and worked a later shift with some overlap. Every day I'd listen to the chair squeak and sound like it could go at any time. I had mentioned that maybe he needed a different chair and sort of hinted around to my boss at the time that I thought we should get a more robust chair for someone of his size. After a few weeks, I was sitting at my desk and he comes in and sits down and I can only describe the sound I heard as the chair moaning or gasping its last gasp and it exploded into about 10 pieces. I couldn't see and I couldn't hear anything but I ran and ran right past him because I was going to lose it. I ran past my boss's desk and she asked what was wrong and all I could say was...."Chair, boom, on his ass!!!" and continued running until I got outside and erupted in laughter. I know that probably wasn't my best moment as far as being a decent human being, but I'm not claiming to be either.
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