Post by schma on Dec 23, 2021 0:44:29 GMT -5
Man I live for this kind of crap so I'll give it shot.
WWE Presents:
December 2 Dismember
Charles Robinson comes out to address the crowd. He is dressed in Ric Flair's robe and doing a terrible impression of the Nature Boy. He says Lil Naitch is back and he's running the show now. He proceeds to strip to his underwear and elbow drop his robe in the ring. Several Backstage officials have to come to the ring to escort him out.
Corey Graves and Jerry Lawler are on commentary for RAW and for Smackdown Booker T and Liv Morgan are on commentary.
Otis vs. Ivar Otis comes to the ring with Doudrop as his main squeeze and Ivar is now doing a ladies man gimmick as "Handsome" Hanson. He comes to the ring with Toxic Attraction hanging all over him. Handsome Hanson gets the win after Mandy and the rest TA attack Doudrop and rub lipstick all over her face which distracts Otis so Hanson can win with a roll up. They all make out as they go backstage.
Becky Lynch open Challenge:
Beckys open challenge is answered by none other than Joe Gacy. He says it is sexist for a the RAW women's title to only be available to women. Joe Gacy basically acts like the Genius from that Saturday Nights Main Event when Genius wrestled Hulk Hogan, That is all I will say on that matter. Gacy pins Becky with a roll up. New RAW Women's Champion
Shinsuke Nakamura Open Challenge Another open challenge as Nakamura puts his Intercontinental championship on the line. The challenge is answered by.....Von Wagner....Oh joy. After an incredibly boring match Von Wagner becomes the new Intercontinental champion when Rick Boogs turns heel and costs Shinsuke the match. New IC Champ.
Damien Priest Open Challenge Priest offers anyone a shot at his US Title. The challenge is answered by....Veer Mahaan!!! Veer gets the win and becomes the new US Champ after his old pal Rinku from Indus Sher runs down to the ring and distracts Damian Priest and Veer pins him with a rollup.
Charlotte Flair Open Challenge Charlotte's open challenge is answered by....Lash Legend!!! A match for the ages occurs(I will leave it up to you all to decide if that is sarcasm or not) and Lash pins Charlotte with a rollup to become the new Smackdown Women's champion!!! After the match Charlotte begins to cry in the middle of the ring and starts throwing a temper tantrum by flailing her arms and legs around. Lil Naitch comes out to console her, and then hits her in the face with a cream pie. Mmmkay...
MVP and Bobby Lashley vs. Apollo Crews and Commander Azeez Apollo barely gets any time in the match as most of it is Azeez fighting off MVP and Lashley witha Herculean like effort and he finally murks Lashley with a Nigerian Nail and pins both MVP and Lashley in the middle of the ring. After the match Apollo declares that Azeez is no longer a commander but officially names him 5-Star General Azeez.
Goldberg vs. Kane Kane comes out but he is dressed in his suit and still wearing his Kane mask for some reason. He shakes hands with people on the way to the ring and waves to apparently nobody. Goldberg and Kane stare each other down for an unfathomable amount of time then have a fifteen minute match with a test of strength, lots of rest holds, and Goldberg botching the jackhammer three times. The match finally ends when the ref makes a fast three count after Goldberg tries to pin Kane after a stiff clothesline.
Roman Reigns vs. Shanky for the Universal Title The Usos are with Roman and Jinder is with Shanky. After a lot of nonsense with Jinder fighting the Usos, they all get sent to the back. Roman gets set to spear SHanky. He nails him but Roman acts like he ran into a brick wall. Shanky rolls over on him and pins him for the Universal championship. People are confused until Shanky lifts his shirt and reveals that he has a metal plate strapped to his body. Jinder comes back out and he and Shnaky celebrate on their way to the back. It is the era of Shanky!!!
Big E vs. Omos for the WWE Title Omos wins after a hard fought slog of a match when Retribution inexplicably reunite and cost Big E The match and Omos becomes the new WWE Champion. Mustafa Ali, Mace, and T-Bar stand in the ring with Omos after the match and Omos puts on a hockey mack and officially becomes the new Slapjack as he holds the title up high in the air.
Yeyeah???
Skanky paying homage to the brilliant Bret Hart does not belong on the worst PPV ever.