Book the worst PPV ever

[Mid-Carder]

As the title says, really. The absolute worst case scenario matches and results for you, so bad that you’d never watch WWE again

[crankypants]

Isn't this how Day 1 is being booked?

[Wieners=$$$]

Is this a trick, Vince?

[Gerard Gerard]

That Crown Jewel in 2018 defeats literally any worst case scenario I could ever dare dream up. The actual definition of audience dissatisfaction. It's followed closely by Crown Jewel's 2019 outing.

[FinalGwen]

I'm not going to do Vince's job for him.

[Gus Richlen Was Wrong]

There's not enough matches that can end with LOLBECKYWINS, LOLROLLINSWINS, and CENAWINSLOL.

[bob]

challenge accepted!

Byron Saxton vs Corey Graves - Corey wins via Carmella run in

Reggie and Dana Brooke vs Tamina and Commander Azeez - Tamina and Commander Azeez win after Apollo interferes

Nakamura and Rick Boogs vs Jinder Mahal and Shanky vs Corbin and Moss - Corbin and Moss

Kevin Owens and Adam Pearce vs RK-Bro for RAW tag titles - KO and Pearce

Stephanie McMahon vs Charlotte Flair for Smackdown women's title - no contest when Lily the doll interferes

Drew McIntyre vs Mace in a sword on a poll - Mace wins clean as a sheet

[MrElijah]

Step 1: Hire Vince Russo

Step 2: Give him full control

Step 3: Sit back and watch the clusterf***.

[Bo Rida]

Crown Jewel 2022

Winner gets an ironclad contact saying nobody can ever be mean to them again match
Sami Zayn Vs Ricochet
Zayn no shows, Richochet wins by default

Goldberg Gauntlet
Goldberg Def New Day - wins an actual Thanos style gauntlet and half the roster are released

Mae Young memorial hand Vs hand match - Loser gets hand chopped off
Seth Def Rey Mysterio


30 minute submission iron man match
Omos Def AJ Styles

Losing team leaves WWE
Toxic Attraction Def Three Horsewomen (minus Charlotte).

Women's title unification - MMA match
Charlotte Def Shayna

Interpromotional Orange bowl - best ever Orange wrestler
Hogan Def Orange Cassidy

WWE title - MMA rules
Sheamus Vs Mystery opponent
Del Rio wins

First ever MMA rules electric lions den triple threat match for the Universal title
Brock (c) Vs the one man he was scared to face Jindar Mahal and Cain Vasquez for some reason
Ends in triple dq

[The Creepo Man]

Dec 21, 2021 11:28:48 GMT -5 MrElijah said:

Step 1: Hire Vince Russo

Step 2: Give him full control

Step 3: Sit back and watch the clusterf***.

Russo would be an improvement. Just don’t allow him to force anyone into the rafters. I’d rather watch Drawn Together type TV that doesn’t age well then dull repetitive programming that I won’t care to remember next month. And everyone on the roster will at least have a better chance of holding a championship at least once compared to the glass ceilings established today.

[Mr T L Wolf]

I mean, December to Dismember already happened.

[Lizuka #BLM]

Okay so, like, you do WrestleMania, except the heels win every match especially when it doesn't make any sense, the match a lot of people are most hyped up for is a complete squash, the match that sold the most tickets that everyone's expecting to be crazy and overbooked is instead an interminable boring slog, the main event's a match zero people want to see, the whole thing goes two hours longer than anyone expected it to, and toward the end you devote half an hour to The Rock dicking around with a flamethrower.

[Moppy]

I don't know what it involves, but I know how it ends. Comedy mallet, dark red lighting and a no-contest Hell in a Cell finish.

[Jindrak Mark]

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/December_to_Dismember_(2006)#Results

This exact card except have the Hardys and MNM go 5 minutes and give the extra 15+ minutes to the mixed tag.

[Deleted]

Roman Reigns beats every male wrestler in the company in a gauntlet match.

[4real]

WWE waiting for VEER

The whole roster and the crowd in attendance sits around and waits for Veer to debut for 3 hours. Announcer says at the end of the show Veer is coming to RAW and not PPV. End of show everyone leaves.

May contain Happy Corbin & Madcap Moss appearance.

[Deleted]

Dec 21, 2021 12:33:39 GMT -5 Bo Rida said:

Mae Young memorial hand Vs hand match - Loser gets hand chopped off
Seth Def Rey Mysterio

Losing team leaves WWE
Toxic Attraction Def Three Horsewomen (minus Charlotte).

Hold on now. These actually sound awesome.

[Push R Truth]

My PPV card started off with a Verbal Debate between Omos and Skanky and then I realized my plan was already more entertaining tham a normal WWE PPV so I gave up

[Celexa Bliss 54]

Show opens with a forty minute in-ring promo with Liv, Charlotte and Becky, who buries everyone (like, not just Liv and Charlotte, but Michael Cole, Jimmy Smith, Big E, Reggie, John Cone, Nicholas Cone... everyone). Then Toni comes out with a hotel pushcart loaded with pies, which leads to the opening match...

1. Charlotte def. Toni Storm in a "Loser Must Eat 50 Pies Match"
- Toni vomits after the first ten pies, so they move it to the back, where she will have to eat the other 40 pies by the end of the night.

2. Happy Corbin def. Nakamura to win the IC Title

- Backstage, Toni gets the runs from all the pies, but she still has to eat thirty more, so the cameraman follows her into the toilet

- Half hour 24/7 Title segment, ending with Austin Theory winning the title

3. Sami Zayn wins a fifty man battle royal to earn a World Title shot

4. Liv Morgan def. Becky Lynch by flash-pin to win the Women's Title, then Becky beats Liv down

- Backstage, Austin Theory tries to take a selfie with Toni Storm on the toilet and gets arrested

- In the ring, Becky is still beating up Liv

- Backstage, John Cena, Hulk Hogan, The Rock, Batista and Shawn Michaels play poker backstage, while a trash barrel full of money burns in front of them; Ric Flair runs in with a "BRYAN SUCKS" t-shirt to put out the fire and grab the money

5. Becky Lynch def. Liv Morgan in 1 second to win the Women's Title

- Ric Flair finds Toni Storm on the toilet and everyone awkwardly laughs at the uncomfortable woman and the drunk, senile coot

6. Big E def. Sami Zayn to retain the WWE Title

- Toni finishes the last of the pies, but now has a comically big stomach. Ric Flair is still there, look at how funny it is!!!!

7. Roman Reigns wins
- Brock Lesnar comes out, farts and leaves

THE END

[Non Banjoble Tokens]

Man I live for this kind of crap so I'll give it shot.

WWE Presents:
December 2 Dismember

Charles Robinson comes out to address the crowd. He is dressed in Ric Flair's robe and doing a terrible impression of the Nature Boy. He says Lil Naitch is back and he's running the show now. He proceeds to strip to his underwear and elbow drop his robe in the ring. Several Backstage officials have to come to the ring to escort him out.

Corey Graves and Jerry Lawler are on commentary for RAW and for Smackdown Booker T and Liv Morgan are on commentary.

Otis vs. Ivar Otis comes to the ring with Doudrop as his main squeeze and Ivar is now doing a ladies man gimmick as "Handsome" Hanson. He comes to the ring with Toxic Attraction hanging all over him. Handsome Hanson gets the win after Mandy and the rest TA attack Doudrop and rub lipstick all over her face which distracts Otis so Hanson can win with a roll up. They all make out as they go backstage.

Becky Lynch open Challenge:
Beckys open challenge is answered by none other than Joe Gacy. He says it is sexist for a the RAW women's title to only be available to women. Joe Gacy basically acts like the Genius from that Saturday Nights Main Event when Genius wrestled Hulk Hogan, That is all I will say on that matter. Gacy pins Becky with a roll up. New RAW Women's Champion

Shinsuke Nakamura Open Challenge Another open challenge as Nakamura puts his Intercontinental championship on the line. The challenge is answered by.....Von Wagner....Oh joy. After an incredibly boring match Von Wagner becomes the new Intercontinental champion when Rick Boogs turns heel and costs Shinsuke the match. New IC Champ.

Damien Priest Open Challenge Priest offers anyone a shot at his US Title. The challenge is answered by....Veer Mahaan!!! Veer gets the win and becomes the new US Champ after his old pal Rinku from Indus Sher runs down to the ring and distracts Damian Priest and Veer pins him with a rollup.

Charlotte Flair Open Challenge Charlotte's open challenge is answered by....Lash Legend!!! A match for the ages occurs(I will leave it up to you all to decide if that is sarcasm or not) and Lash pins Charlotte with a rollup to become the new Smackdown Women's champion!!! After the match Charlotte begins to cry in the middle of the ring and starts throwing a temper tantrum by flailing her arms and legs around. Lil Naitch comes out to console her, and then hits her in the face with a cream pie. Mmmkay...

MVP and Bobby Lashley vs. Apollo Crews and Commander Azeez Apollo barely gets any time in the match as most of it is Azeez fighting off MVP and Lashley witha Herculean like effort and he finally murks Lashley with a Nigerian Nail and pins both MVP and Lashley in the middle of the ring. After the match Apollo declares that Azeez is no longer a commander but officially names him 5-Star General Azeez.

Goldberg vs. Kane Kane comes out but he is dressed in his suit and still wearing his Kane mask for some reason. He shakes hands with people on the way to the ring and waves to apparently nobody. Goldberg and Kane stare each other down for an unfathomable amount of time then have a fifteen minute match with a test of strength, lots of rest holds, and Goldberg botching the jackhammer three times. The match finally ends when the ref makes a fast three count after Goldberg tries to pin Kane after a stiff clothesline.

Roman Reigns vs. Shanky for the Universal Title The Usos are with Roman and Jinder is with Shanky. After a lot of nonsense with Jinder fighting the Usos, they all get sent to the back. Roman gets set to spear SHanky. He nails him but Roman acts like he ran into a brick wall. Shanky rolls over on him and pins him for the Universal championship. People are confused until Shanky lifts his shirt and reveals that he has a metal plate strapped to his body. Jinder comes back out and he and Shnaky celebrate on their way to the back. It is the era of Shanky!!!

Big E vs. Omos for the WWE Title Omos wins after a hard fought slog of a match when Retribution inexplicably reunite and cost Big E The match and Omos becomes the new WWE Champion. Mustafa Ali, Mace, and T-Bar stand in the ring with Omos after the match and Omos puts on a hockey mack and officially becomes the new Slapjack as he holds the title up high in the air.

Yeyeah???