Do people feel unsafe around those with ASD?

[agent817]

This has been on my mind since last month. I don't know I waited to talk about this but it's a good time as any to discuss this.

During the spring semester, some concerns were raised about me. Not sure why. I know I mentioned something in passing that I could have left out in a conversation but for the most part, I try not to discuss taboo topics or anything like that. Hell, when it comes to female classmates, I hardly pay them any mind. Do I interact with some? Yes. Am I trying to score points with them? No. As a matter of fact, being that we are living in an age where unattractive guys are considered creepy and attractive guys can't be creepy despite some of their behaviors saying otherwise, I usually don't do anything to be perceived as such. I didn't stare at anybody, get too close to anybody, and get touchy-feely, either. So with that being clear, here's where I am really coming from.

However, talking with a professor and a dean of a department, I was told that some people didn't feel safe around me. Now I am not sure what I did, but then I thought maybe it had to do with some erratic behavior. I mostly zoned out with my lines of vision being towards to the floor, the wall, or a table. Sometimes I zoned out completely where I almost looked like I was far gone that someone could wave in my face before I snap out of my trance. I also had moments of anxiety that I needed to leave the classroom to breathe or go to the restroom so that I could rinse my face and snap out of my predicament.

The dean and professor wanted to help me, though. They thought that maybe I could try reaching out to counselors about some of my erratic behavior. So I was never in trouble.

So why do some people feel unsafe around people who are autistic or have Asperger's Syndrome? Is it because they don't understand them? It's not like I posed any threat to people. I know my behavior can be unpredictable but to feel unsafe, I don't get it.

[UN PLOMBIER NIGHTMARE #blm]

I don't think any of this has to do with being autistic or having aspberger's syndrome, I think it has to do with the mindset you're carrying after reading that post.

If people don't want to be around you, it is because they don't want to be around you. Not some shit like... "unattractive guys are considered creepy and attractive guys can't be creepy", believing that is being a full on incel. Nobody should want to be around that.

[Spider2024]

I'm very sorry that you're going through this.

From my own experiences I think there's still some stigma about people not really wanting to talk to the 'weird, loner kid.' Not for any particular reason really, it's just that... idk, they're not that fun to get around with? I don't know, dealing with people overall is an inexact science. Like how friendly do you get, or not get, what are the guidelines for friendly chatter or discussions or even arguments? It gets downright confusing. I still don't know how to deal with people really.

(Also anger issues. I tend to blow up and scream more frequently than the average person. Is that an issue with you, by chance?)

[Spider2024]

For the record, I don't think it's because of the autism, per se. But, people with Aspberger's do tend to over think and second guess things a lot. Maybe that's our main problem here.

[agent817]

Jun 15, 2023 22:30:55 GMT -5 Spider2024 said:

I'm very sorry that you're going through this.

From my own experiences I think there's still some stigma about people not really wanting to talk to the 'weird, loner kid.' Not for any particular reason really, it's just that... idk, they're not that fun to get around with? I don't know, dealing with people overall is an inexact science. Like how friendly do you get, or not get, what are the guidelines for friendly chatter or discussions or even arguments? It gets downright confusing. I still don't know how to deal with people really.

(Also anger issues. I tend to blow up and scream more frequently than the average person. Is that an issue with you, by chance?)

I am calm for the most part. I hardly get angry, but the most recent times I was angry were in March and last month. I was livid enough, but I hardly have anger problems because again, I am usually calm.

I did say that I space out often. I stare off into space with my line vision facing something or someone but not directly looking at anything or anyone. So my thoughts are on something else. I did say that I have gone into a trance when I spaced out.

[The Legendary Ring Troll {BLM}]

Jun 15, 2023 22:21:21 GMT -5 UN PLOMBIER NIGHTMARE #blm said:

I don't think any of this has to do with being autistic or having aspberger's syndrome, I think it has to do with the mindset you're carrying after reading that post.

If people don't want to be around you, it is because they don't want to be around you. Not some shit like... "unattractive guys are considered creepy and attractive guys can't be creepy", believing that is being a full on incel. Nobody should want to be around that.

That “unattractive guys are considered creepy and attractive guys can't be creepy” line is like a straight up incel rally call. If you or anyone you knows feels this way, please seek professional assistance, because you are on a dangerous path.

[JasonVoorhees1988]

Jun 16, 2023 0:41:47 GMT -5 The Legendary Ring Troll {BLM} said:

Jun 15, 2023 22:21:21 GMT -5 UN PLOMBIER NIGHTMARE #blm said:

I don't think any of this has to do with being autistic or having aspberger's syndrome, I think it has to do with the mindset you're carrying after reading that post.

If people don't want to be around you, it is because they don't want to be around you. Not some shit like... "unattractive guys are considered creepy and attractive guys can't be creepy", believing that is being a full on incel. Nobody should want to be around that.

That “unattractive guys are considered creepy and attractive guys can't be creepy” line is like a straight up incel rally call. If you or anyone you knows feels this way, please seek professional assistance, because you are on a dangerous path.

Yea dude that's the most terrifying part of your post.

[Baldobomb-22-OH-MAN!!!]

Yeah that line about unattractive guys versus attractive ones isn't a healthy attitude to have. I won't jump down your throat or anything but yeah that's a bias you'll be a lot happier with discarding. Love yourself!

That said I don't think it's about your autism per se, it's very likely your classmates aren't even aware you have ASD (trust me, as a guy who did the university circuit, if your classmates aren't friends with you they probably don't think of you one way or the other at all). It may be the way you interact with people. Couldn't hurt to find out what people find alienating about you and work a way around that to the best of your abilities.

[mc74]

Jun 16, 2023 6:14:17 GMT -5 Baldobomb-22-OH-MAN!!! said:

Yeah that line about unattractive guys versus attractive ones isn't a healthy attitude to have. I won't jump down your throat or anything but yeah that's a bias you'll be a lot happier with discarding. Love yourself!

That said I don't think it's about your autism per se, it's very likely your classmates aren't even aware you have ASD (trust me, as a guy who did the university circuit, if your classmates aren't friends with you they probably don't think of you one way or the other at all). It may be the way you interact with people. Couldn't hurt to find out what people find alienating about you and work a way around that to the best of your abilities.

This, I'm not going to be down your throat about it either, but I will echo what Baldo is saying because it's not a healthy mindset to have. Discard that altogether, learn to love yourself, and perhaps find out what it actually is that people might find alienating about you rather than trying to microanalyze the situation.

[Mr PONYMANIA Mr Jenzie]

just plain old paranoia
or plain old ugly
LIKE ME

[Dr. T is an alien]

Look man, whether you are attractive or not has little to do with how you are perceived. Take it from someone who’s not particularly attractive himself. I’m not being down on myself, mind you. There have just been plenty of signs through the years that my superficial attributes are not on par.

I have a form of muscular dystrophy (Bethlem Myopathy, which was not identified as a thing in my youth so it was undiagnosed) so I’ve always struggled with having little musculature on top of struggling with weight (you know, since muscle, which I don’t really have, burns a lot of calories). On top of that, my face is unremarkable at best. Not truly ugly, but certainly not handsome either.

I also tick off some of the items on the ASD checklist, but not enough to be diagnosed as such. It was enough, however, that I was poorly equipped to deal with the bullying that came with being the scrawny, undiagnosed disabled kid who was a little awkward. It was a combination that led virtually everyone I grew up (I went to a relatively small high school) with feeling comfortable openly voicing the thoughts that anyone being attracted to me laughable. My high school days sucked all of the ass. I know that’s not unusual now. I wish it wasn’t so. We’d be a happier society if we were better at that.

Things got different after graduation. It’s amazing how much bullying can have a negative impact on your mental health. While the damage to your psyche lingers in perpetuity, when it ends you can start healing quickly. In the absence of that negative impact, I stopped being afraid to draw attention to myself and stopped being closed off. While I was still scrawny, overweight, and not particularly handsome, I no longer carried myself like an abused animal. As a result, I started getting positive reactions from females, even several that I thought of as way, way out of my league. Sadly, for at least a few years I usually convinced myself that what I thought might have been light flirting was me misinterpreting simple friendliness. I had it confirmed for me later that my inability at the time to contemplate the possibility that a female might be attracted to me meant that I completely missed the subtle hints and only vaguely notice the attempts to no longer be subtle (the things I misinterpreted as just being friendly). Fortunately for me, the woman that eventually became my wife (26+ years of marriage now) decided to be even more forward and straight up ask me out.

My point is that physical attractiveness is only a small part of the equation that becomes less and less important as people mature. It sounds to me that you might be even less prone to notice any positive responses to you than I was, which I promise just leads to a negative feedback loop that is not unlike the ones that incels fall into. They interpret a lack of attention from the opposite sex to be a byproduct of superficial things that they can’t help when their response to those thoughts are far more likely to be the issue.

My advice is to accept the offers of help. You really need to get your perception of self to a much healthier position. If you do, I think you might be surprised how different the responses you notice are.

[poodoojenkins]

I stopped reading at the part about society and people being attractive. Major Reddit nice guy vibes.

[agent817]

Okay, maybe that paragraph threw everyone off but the reality of this had nothing to do with it. Because usually, I don't actively pursue women. I'll tell you what really went on.

Like I said, I often spaced out and I went through some anxiety enough to have to excuse myself from the group. Fyi, this class was not like any regular class but rather a campus newspaper staff. Whenever I had to interact with some people, I would probably speak in a certain tone, trying to be straightforward or all business, but I think there was a bit of a tone to it that came off as timid, which I felt those moments. Maybe that was what threw some people off? Some were right that maybe I should have asked some people about my behavior.