Bautista Clears Up His Age

[Confused Mark Wahlberg]

From the Book:

FAMILY

I was born January 18, 1969.

For some strange reason, the date is a big controversy in the wrestling world. At some point very early in my career, someone wrote a story somewhere saying that I had been born in 1966. That year seems to have stuck with a lot of people for some reason. There have been other dates published, too. There have been so many, in fact, that when I give the right date, some people think I'm lying about my age.

I swear to God, it's like it's a big deal.

Just last week some guy told my girlfriend I was lying about my age, that I wasn't really thirty-eight, that I was forty-two. Maybe he was trying to pick her up, I don't know.

I don't lie about my birth date -- I try not to lie about anything, but especially not that. It's no secret that I came to the business really late. I was almost thirty when I got into wrestling. That's real old for a wrestler starting out. I never lied about my age then, so it would be really crazy to lie now. And if I was going to lie about my age, I wouldn't say I was thirty-eight. I'd knock at least five more years off.

I have a sister, who was born about a year later than I was. Our parents weren't very original when it came to naming us. I was named after my father, David Michael Bautista. I'm Dave Junior.My sister was named after my mother, Donna Raye Bautista. She's a junior, too. It made it easier for people to remember our names.

[nerdinitupagain]

Really.. a ghost writer isn't that expensive...

[Sajoa Moe]

I swear to God, it's like it's a big deal.

Tcha, like totally.

[Branimal]

Batista's Dad: "You could be Dave Jr...the kids could call you Da-Ju"

[Virt McGirt]

He writes like he wrestles, Yeesssh!

I'm willing to bet the "controversy" continues though.

[doytch]

hahaha batista is acted like a dummy

[poi zen rana]

[Johnny Danger (Godz)]

Oh my god, reading that was horrible. Screw Dave. he's 50. See 50 is an easy number for him to remember, because.........ah I got nothin.

[Christianv2]

poisonrana said:

What?

[Christianv2]

godz said:

Oh my god, reading that was horrible. Screw Dave. he's 50. See 50 is an easy number for him to remember, because.........ah I got nothin.

Because thats how many title shots he still has left. Hes like Mario after you beat Super Mario 64 and meet Yoshi, you get 99 lives. Im pretty sure Batista has used up about 49 of his so 50 sounds about right.

[Cranjis McBasketball]

Just last week some guy told my girlfriend I was lying about my age, that I wasn't really thirty-eight, that I was forty-two. Maybe he was trying to pick her up, I don't know.

So, if, come 2060 I decide to read his book, does Dave remain 38? Does a guy still try to hit on his girlfriend? Or will each printing of the book edit this up, "Two years ago....." "Four years ago....."

Don't tell stories that begin with "Just last week" in your book, unless it's a journal entry or something.

[Johnny Danger (Godz)]

wordlifevolutionv1 said:

godz said:

Oh my god, reading that was horrible. Screw Dave. he's 50. See 50 is an easy number for him to remember, because.........ah I got nothin.

Because thats how many title shots he still has left. Hes like Mario after you beat Super Mario 64 and meet Yoshi, you get 99 lives. Im pretty sure Batista has used up about 49 of his so 50 sounds about right.

"Yoshi is a Japanese name. I don't like the japanese because their wrestling is silly. Too many flips and "head drops" and not enough stero-....exercise and strength conditioning in the gym. You know they call me the Animal. Animal was funny on the Muppet Babies. Say what was up with that Nanny chick? You never saw anything but her legs. Mmm...and what legs they were. God, I'd impregnate that, I'd drop a Batista Bomb so far up her youterus....yooteros...snatch."

[The F'N Captain]

wordlifevolutionv1 said:

godz said:

Oh my god, reading that was horrible. Screw Dave. he's 50. See 50 is an easy number for him to remember, because.........ah I got nothin.

Because thats how many title shots he still has left. Hes like Mario after you beat Super Mario 64 and meet Yoshi, you get 99 lives. Im pretty sure Batista has used up about 49 of his so 50 sounds about right.

I'm pretty sure Dave has w-blue sky lives left.

[poi zen rana]

wordlifevolutionv1 said:

poisonrana said:

What?

that is what i was hoping batista's book would be like when i heard he had one.

[Blindkarevik]

Basketballs may not hold grudges... but that article didn't hold my attention either.

[The Peoples Elbow]

I swear to god, it's like he can't even wrestle. ;D

[Jay Carroll]

in other news, i've created a new euphemism...
everytime someone plays with self, batista is granted another title shot. *rim shot*

ill be here all week.

[General Zod]

virtomac said:

He writes like he wrestles, Yeesssh!

Like senior citizens who might fornicate.

[jobber2thestars]

Has anyone read his book, yet? If so, we need a run-down on the whole thing.

[Virt McGirt]

darthfaker said:

virtomac said:

He writes like he wrestles, Yeesssh!

Like senior citizens who might fornicate.

Nah, they at least put some passion into it.

(Wait, what?!?!)