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Post by Branimal on Oct 24, 2007 13:46:52 GMT -5
lol Nope, just Dave. And according to Batista'a book..." "Al Gore doesn't know how to lose properly. That's not wrestling. I'm wrestling. If I ran for President I would have won. And if I didn't, I would have marched right up to the President and tell him that's my title, and come someday, I'm gonna be needing it back." Wow..that is awesome. I have to stop reading this thread..its very hard to stop laughing. |
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Post by Arthur Digby Stamp on Oct 24, 2007 14:04:50 GMT -5
"...so then all of the sudden I get drafted to Smackdown. First day I show up, some little Mexican kid shows up and wants a handshake. I tell him to go f*** himself as I start waving over some security guards. Then the guy tells me his name is Rey Mysterio and he wrestles for Smackdown. I'm all like LOL, no way. And he says "Yes way, Jose". So then I'm pissed, and I'm all like "My name isn't Jose, it's Dave. You think I'm some kinda Spanish or something?" Then the little b**** clams up, so I walk off and do it with 3 sisters from Milwaukee.
I learned tons from Ric Flair, BTW.
CHAPTER 8: Did I tell you about me and D-Von comparing weiners?
It was an August afternoon like any other..."
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Big L
Grimlock
Posts: 13,883
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Post by Big L on Oct 24, 2007 14:05:58 GMT -5
"...so then all of the sudden I get drafted to Smackdown. First day I show up, some little Mexican kid shows up and wants a handshake. I tell him to go f*** himself as I start waving over some security guards. Then the guy tells me his name is Rey Mysterio and he wrestles for Smackdown. I'm all like LOL, no way. And he says "Yes way, Jose". So then I'm pissed, and I'm all like "My name isn't Jose, it's Dave. You think I'm some kinda Spanish or something?" Then the little b**** clams up, so I walk off and do it with 3 sisters from Milwaukee. I learned tons from Ric Flair, BTW. CHAPTER 8: Did I tell you about me and D-Von comparing weiners? It was an August afternoon like any other..." lol |
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Post by The Peoples Elbow on Oct 24, 2007 14:25:07 GMT -5
"Even sometimes Big Dave feels down. It's true. I know I'm the greatest wrestler in the history of not only this planet, but the entire known universe. I've recently discovered a new element, Batisterium, which I've been assured will be added to the Periodic Table very shortly. I've slept with every woman to be born within the last 50 years. But sometimes I still get sad, and so, I just remember the Batista Family Creedo: Steroids, steroids, yum yum yum......." Steroids, steroids, in a guy that's dumb! |
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Oct 24, 2007 14:27:04 GMT -5
"So, during high school on the football team coach tells me my field goals are a little shabby. I disagreed with him and told him his coaching was shabby but at this point I didn't have the Saliva music and the fireworks to show him who was boss. So; I stayed behind one day and to my suprise the groundskeeper had locked the door, not allowing me to get a football to practise, and considering it wasn't Sunday I didn't have that special rush that allows me to become the warrior you all see and love on Friday nights. Luckily there was a dog hostile event taking place near the field, so I took a few new born puppies and began kicking the field goald like there was no tommorow; you should've seen those kids, they where begging me to stop....They where so jealous. Then afterwards I got bored so I banged every woman within a five mile radius."
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Johnny Danger (Godz)
Wade Wilson
loves him some cavity searches
Lord Xeen's going to kill you.
Posts: 27,736
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Post by Johnny Danger (Godz) on Oct 24, 2007 14:27:28 GMT -5
"Even sometimes Big Dave feels down. It's true. I know I'm the greatest wrestler in the history of not only this planet, but the entire known universe. I've recently discovered a new element, Batisterium, which I've been assured will be added to the Periodic Table very shortly. I've slept with every woman to be born within the last 50 years. But sometimes I still get sad, and so, I just remember the Batista Family Creedo: Steroids, steroids, yum yum yum......." Steroids, steroids, in a guy that's dumb! "Hey, how'd you know? Are you a Batista too? Well, you're going to have to change your name. Because it's mine. You be....Joey Joe-Joe Shabadoo." |
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Post by Confused Mark Wahlberg on Oct 24, 2007 14:34:41 GMT -5
"People are always coming up to me and asking, 'Big Dave, why are you so awesome?" Well, it's not an easy answer. First, you have to have been born me, and I don't think there's a lot of people who were born me except me. I could be wrong, though. Second, you have to make sure Little Dave is in proper working order by banging hundreds of chicks. Now I know what you're thinking: Dave, aren't you married to some broad with cancer? Well, the answer is yes. But she's lazy so I can cheat on her without feeling guilty. Besides, she knew that all women love me when she married me. Me not letting them sex me up would be like a great singer not singing or Steven Hawking not...uh...science-ing. I can't help that I was born with a great gift."
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Sajoa Moe
Patti Mayonnaise
Did you get that thing I sent ya?
A man without gimmick.
Posts: 39,683
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Post by Sajoa Moe on Oct 24, 2007 15:32:51 GMT -5
"So, during high school on the football team coach tells me my field goals are a little shabby. I disagreed with him and told him his coaching was shabby but at this point I didn't have the Saliva music and the fireworks to show him who was boss. So; I stayed behind one day and to my suprise the groundskeeper had locked the door, not allowing me to get a football to practise, and considering it wasn't Sunday I didn't have that special rush that allows me to become the warrior you all see and love on Friday nights. Luckily there was a dog hostile event taking place near the field, so I took a few new born puppies and began kicking the field goald like there was no tommorow; you should've seen those kids, they where begging me to stop....They where so jealous. Then afterwards I got bored so I banged every woman within a five mile radius." Fortunately footballs don't hold grudges. |
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Johnny Danger (Godz)
Wade Wilson
loves him some cavity searches
Lord Xeen's going to kill you.
Posts: 27,736
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Post by Johnny Danger (Godz) on Oct 24, 2007 15:41:33 GMT -5
"How do I wrote book?"
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Spyke the Pacers Fan
El Dandy
Still hates himself for missing the last episode of Murder She Wrote
Go Indiana!
Posts: 8,061
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Post by Spyke the Pacers Fan on Oct 24, 2007 15:43:34 GMT -5
"...so then all of the sudden I get drafted to Smackdown. First day I show up, some little Mexican kid shows up and wants a handshake. I tell him to go f*** himself as I start waving over some security guards. Then the guy tells me his name is Rey Mysterio and he wrestles for Smackdown. I'm all like LOL, no way. And he says "Yes way, Jose". So then I'm pissed, and I'm all like "My name isn't Jose, it's Dave. You think I'm some kinda Spanish or something?" Then the little b**** clams up, so I walk off and do it with 3 sisters from Milwaukee. I learned tons from Ric Flair, BTW. CHAPTER 8: Did I tell you about me and D-Von comparing weiners? It was an August afternoon like any other..." Stop! Stop! You're killing me! You win! You win! |
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Post by Ringmaster on Oct 24, 2007 15:48:11 GMT -5
"its a warm august night, and im relaxing on my couch, as i speak my stenographer jots it down, you know i fondly remember being tiny and 150 pounds then i discovered weight lifting, and in just afew years time i was winning body building compition's, then i ran into vince who said i would be perfect for his wrestling show, i tried to tell him i dont know how, but for some reason he seemed not to care"
Chapter: 5 My family history.
As i start this chapter keep in mind these are dark memories told by my great great grandmother and the abuse she suffered at the hands of a one Mr.James Naismith.....
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Post by ghettooverlord on Oct 24, 2007 15:53:31 GMT -5
..."Dave, ol' buddy," Trips said, "you didn't see any of this." It was at this point he started pushing the puppy closer to the blender...
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Post by Confused Mark Wahlberg on Oct 24, 2007 16:39:41 GMT -5
"So my mom caught me masturbating while looking into a mirror..."
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The F'N Captain
King Koopa
I was captain **** till Captain America Beat the crap out of me and left me in a dumpster
Posts: 10,929 
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Post by The F'N Captain on Oct 24, 2007 16:53:56 GMT -5
"People ask my about the whole Shelly Martinez thing, and I'm tired of explaining it over and over so here's the deal. I just had a grueling 4 minute match where I had to not only walk to the ring and wrestle, but WALK BACK to the lockerroom. You can't even imagine the exhaustion since most of you don't know how hard it is to carry 150 lbs. of muscle around. Anyway I'm walking to the back, and about to get ready for an amazing night of sex with some random hometown girl. She said she was over 18 and everything! So I'm putting on my t-shirt, and about to throw my suit coat on when I hear stuff outside my lockerroom. I walk out and Shelly Martinez and Melina are arguing which is better, chicken soft taco's or beef. Now Melina's my occasional buddy/bootycall so I YELL at that stupid Shelly "CHICKEN SUCKS!" and give the thumbs down. Yeah, it looked as awesome as it sounds. Shelly complained to the higher ups, and Triple H called me about it. He asked me if chicken really did suck. I said hell yeahs, and said he should fire that slut. He gave me a phone high-five and said we'd go looking for some hot action later. We never did. HHH is such a kidder."
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Post by Cela on Oct 24, 2007 17:08:39 GMT -5
Chapter 45: You Talkin to me?
... ... ... ... ... You talkin to me?
The End
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Post by DeuceDominoMark on Oct 24, 2007 18:42:34 GMT -5
"...Hunter was asleep in the limo, we'd been traveling for hours. That's when Randy dared me to do the unthinkable, but I couldn't! I mean, Ric was in there with us, how could I be so immature in front of a legend? But then, to my surprise, Ric pulls out a video camera! So now, I just had to do it; I pulled down my pants and bare-ass farted right in Hunter's face!!
Ric played the video in the locker room that night, everyone had a good laugh about it. And from then on, that was my thing. Every chance I got, I'd pull my pants down and fart in someone's face! And years later, some little noob in the company starts doing it too. I pulled her aside one day and bluntly stated: 'That's my gag and I'll be needing it back'. But, of course, she wouldn't listen. So I went and had a little chat with Vince about her; she had to go..."
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Oct 24, 2007 18:43:42 GMT -5
One question...what was the "fake quote" mentioned at the start of the thread?
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Post by johnnyblaze on Oct 24, 2007 18:53:18 GMT -5
"Remember what Carlos Mencia said about your duties as a friend? Well, that happened while me and Ric were travelling together. Ric was really kicking it to this beautiful brunette. Just as Ric was about to leave with his new prize, her fat f--- friend shows up. Now, this b---- was as big as Jabba The Hutt. I mean Vis was smaller than this fat ass. She made it clear that she wasn't leaving without her friend. She said in a Jabba The Hutt-like voice: "We came here together, we're leaving together!" So, Ric gave me the sign like "C'mon motherf---er! HELP!" So, I went up to this fat b----, and I agreed to leave with them. Now, it's me, Ric, the brunette, and Jabba The Hutt all packed in to this sedan,(well, except for the friend. We tied her to the roof.) We get back to the hotel and I "Batista Bombed" this b----. Then, me and Flair proceeded to have our way with the brunette. But, I felt bad so, after 300 beers, I f---ed that fat slob, because hey, fat b----es need love to. Right,Hunter?"
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Post by MysteryPartner on Oct 24, 2007 19:36:54 GMT -5
"I came to the WWE for one reason and one reason only.. cheap cambodian breast milk.. GOD I LOVE that stuff!"
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SAJ Forth
Wade Wilson
Jamaican WCF Crazy!
Half Man-Half Amazing
Posts: 27,214
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Post by SAJ Forth on Oct 24, 2007 20:25:37 GMT -5
"So my mom caught me masturbating while looking into a mirror..." You Almost gave me a Heart Attack that was so funny. |
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