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Post by pillmansgotagun on Nov 25, 2007 3:18:26 GMT -5
oh god, these threads are hilarious, i dont know why but i find this kind of humour the best
lol, crowd cheering for batista batista-bombing MVP for no reason after having mauled vickie guerrero and edge lol
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Post by pillmansgotagun on Nov 25, 2007 3:31:32 GMT -5
smackdown begins with Vickie in the ring telling the fans that since she is in love with Edge, next month at armageddon, or whatever PPV is next, Batista will take on Edge in a no DQ match. Big dave is not happy and walks out to the arena where he slaps vickie across the face and then gives her the spin buster and batista bomb on the belt.
Vickie starts crying and her make up is running, Batista smears the makeup over her face calling her a whore repeatedly, the crowd pops huge, he then throws a fireball in her face, edge comes down pissed off and tries to attack Batista, but he whips him down with a spinebuster and gets a chair where he busts open edge, and an unconscious vickie, the hard way.
Then he places edge on top of vickie in a sexual position while they are both knocked out, and blows a whislte attached to his neck that appears to be silent but is actually a dog whislte, and wild pit bulls charge the ring mauling edge and vickie. Batista gives both of them the thumbs down, crowd pops huge. Batista hugs his daughter at ringside.
Undertaker is show backstage watching a hidden camera video feed of the divas changing in their locker room, his tights are down at his ankles, crowd pops huge. Mysterio is shown crucified on the "symbol" behind undertaker as the camera pans out, crowd pops even BIGGER.
haha
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Post by rrm15 on Nov 25, 2007 3:33:59 GMT -5
Vickie Guerrero should learn that a dead husband doesn't mean I want to see her on my TV I found that hilarious for some reason.
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Post by pillmansgotagun on Nov 25, 2007 3:42:13 GMT -5
edge and vickie are arriving at the arena in a limo. Undertaker blindsides them in his black monster truck, the limo tips over. Glass is shattered everywhere. The fans pop big time. Undertaker yells "that'll show you, that will show you to show affection towards each other in public, your love cost me my title shot, and you thought a triple threat match with me with Batista and edge would make up for all of that, F u both, now both of you will REST IN PEACE." Crowd pops huge!
The rest of the show focuses on emergency teams trying to evacuate edge and vickie before the leaking gas tank catches fire.
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Post by SWH - Shane Hero on Nov 25, 2007 4:53:44 GMT -5
Next week SmackDown opens with Vickie and Edge sitting down to discuss Vickies conflicted emotional state, and how she has feelings for Edge, but part of her is still in love with Eddie. Edge tells her he understands, and because of how he feels for her, he'll be there for her regardless. The two share an embrace as the opening credits roll.
As Cole and JBL open the show, discussing how that filthy whore Vickie is betraying the memory of her husband, we are interrupted by Batista's music as he makes his way to ringside. He says that tonight he's scheduled to face MVP in a title match. He calls out MVP, who begins to tell Batista he is looking forward to the opportunity to face him when Batista pulls out a samurai sword and stabs him in the neck. The crowd pops as Batista poses with both US and World title held above his head as paramedics attend to MVP.
Back from the break, Vickie announces that MVP has died. The crowd pops. JBL says what a tragedy it is for a young man like MVP to be cut down in his prime. Cole tells him to shut up as MVP got what was coming after running his mouth like that.
Wrestlemania promo video airs.
Back from Commercial and it's Miz and Nitro defending the tag titles against Deuce and Domino and Jesse and Festus. After a few minutes of Miz and Nitro in control, the lights go out and the crowd pops. The lights come back on and all 6 men have been tied and gagged. Undertaker is standing in the ring with a large knife and proceeds to stab each man to death as they beg for mercy. Cole chuckles to JBL that that's why they call him the Phenom, and clearly he's sending a message to Edge, whom he will be facing in two weeks time.
Back from the commercial and we cut backstage where Vickie is crying and shaking, as Edge consoles her. Cole scoffs at Vickie for saying the numerous deaths tonight have brought back horrible memories of her late husbands passing, saying she's trying to manipulate the fans. Batista comes into the office and attacks Edge from behind while the crowd cheers. He pours the contents of Eddies exhumed coffin onto her, as he reminds her that's what she gets for booking him in a title match.
Highlights of Undertaker murdering 6 wrestlers in cold blood from earlier tonight.
Vince McMahon is in the ring to host an underage stripping/oral sex contest as part of the new Diva Search. Highlights include one of the contestants crying in shame. Vince announces that next week he'll be doing the same to his daughter Stephanie. Crowd pops.
Promo video for 'The Condemned'. Special offer now on WWE Shop Zone where WWE will pay you $6 to take a copy of the DVD.
The main event has been changed to Edge Vs Batista. Edge come to the ring to admonish Taker and Batista for their actions tonight, and tells them he's called the police who are on their way to the arena to arrest both men. Crowd boos. Cole sneers at what a cowardly act that is from Edge. Batista comes out and tells Edge there's no way he'll be defending his title tonight, and proceeds to drag Vickie out to the entrance stage and slap her about for 5 minutes straight while the crowd pops huge. Once she's no longer moving, Batista tells a distraught Edge that he has one more surprise for him. Teddy Long's music hits, and he dances out onto the stage and high five's Batista. He tells Edge that since he wants a match so badly, and since he called the police on two men, he will face the other man he called the police about... THE UNDERTAKER (crowd erupts!). "And you can believe that PLAYER!"
Back from commercial and the match is underway, as Edge has been handcuffed to a chair and Edge and Batista are beating him with lead pipes. The match ends in count out when Batista picks up Edge's lifeless corpse and throws it out of the ring. The Undertaker makes a hat out of Edge's head and the crowd goes wild as the show finishes.
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Post by TromboneMan on Nov 25, 2007 5:05:02 GMT -5
Book It!
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Post by Allison Reynolds on Nov 25, 2007 5:26:37 GMT -5
Awesome thread.
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Post by Chris the Bambikiller on Nov 25, 2007 8:05:35 GMT -5
I love this thread!
Batista walks to the ring in a black uniform while the German anthem plays. He then explains that he was cloned from Adolf Hitler's DNA, and will take over the WWE as a first step to world domination. He also says that he, as the company's top face, has had a talk with Vince and that they agreed that all Jewish, Black, Latino, and Asian wrestlers will be sent to "training camps". All the remaining divas have to report to his locker room to get impregnated by him.
The crowd is confused for a minute, then a huge pop. At least from the white, non-jewish guys.
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Post by pillmansgotagun on Nov 25, 2007 8:24:45 GMT -5
Edge is in the showers, talking to himself about how he needs to look good for his date with Vickie. He feels a soapy hand on his ass and says, "JBL?" He turns and sees the Undertaker holding a bar of soap in one hand and a rubber duckie in the other, rolling up his eyeballs and doing "the hiss." Crowd pops huge. "Big" Dave Batista bursts into Vickie's office with Chuck Palumbo and Michelle on the motorcycle. The gentle "Big" Dave kindly explains that Edge is just manipulating Vickie, since the guy wouldn't be attracted to someone so old and fat and disgusting. The evil Vickie tries to explain that looks don't matter as long as you feel good about yourself, but Chuck, with a huge grin, revs up the motorcycle and drowns her out. The skinny and ultra-sexy vixen Michelle McCool struts around to a huge crowd pop and says she's "lovin' life." The 3 babyfaces leave the office, and the camera cuts to Vickie looking devastated and crying, then to "Big" Dave, who is doing his "slap his chest and yell" thing. Crowd pops huge again as Cole shouts, "That damn Vickie got what she deserved! Take that, Edge!!" Later that night, "Big" Dave is in the ring cutting a promo about how no one deserves a shot at his title, when he is cut off by the evil Vickie, who announces at the next PPV that the title will be determined in an exciting fatal 4-way cage TLC match between "Big" Dave, Undertaker, Edge, and Kane, and because it's a fatal 4-way, the champion does not have to be pinned for the title to change hands. Suddenly, "Big" Dave is speechless, and there's a shocked silence in the arena. The camera immediately cuts to close-ups on no fewer than 6 different horrified girls in the crowd. 3 of them are weeping openly. As the broadcast ends, the arena crowd is treated to the lights going down and Undertaker coming out of nowhere to grab Vickie by the throat and drag her to the ring. Crowd goes nuts. For the next 10 minutes, "Big" Dave and Undertaker start a friendly rivalry, taking turns to see who can deliver the best powerbomb on Vickie and playing to the crowds to judge each one. As the EMTs haul Vickie off to the back in a stretcher, the two big men have a staredown, then slowly shake hands. Both men take out American flags and start waving them as the crowd explodes. The WWE logo comes up on the screen. that is licence to print money right there
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Libertine
Unicron
Cerebral Caustic
Posts: 3,082
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Post by Libertine on Nov 25, 2007 9:33:48 GMT -5
Batista, the ultimate babyface, kid's hero and all-round good egg takes a leaf from the Bible of Orton:
"Eddie's down there, in hell!"
*POP*
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Post by th3ruffian on Nov 25, 2007 9:44:26 GMT -5
Edge is in the showers, talking to himself about how he needs to look good for his date with Vickie. He feels a soapy hand on his ass and says, "JBL?" He turns and sees the Undertaker holding a bar of soap in one hand and a rubber duckie in the other, rolling up his eyeballs and doing "the hiss." Crowd pops huge. That mental image is going to haunt my dreams... But I just can't seem to stop laughing about it.
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Post by Topher is Human on Nov 25, 2007 10:48:56 GMT -5
Edge Is in a soup kitchen. Batista Rides in on a dog sled pulled by the homeless. Bahahah that was easily the funniest thing I've read in a while, the mental image simply rules, you could've just ended it at that.
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mrjl
Fry's dog Seymour
Posts: 20,319
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Post by mrjl on Nov 25, 2007 12:08:47 GMT -5
Who has Batista denied a title shot to?
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Post by Citizen Snips on Nov 25, 2007 12:44:21 GMT -5
Smackdown starts with a battle royal to declare the number one contender. Great Khali wins. Batista comes out and not only denies Khali a title match, but also shows footage of himself using his machine-gun pyro to set fire to the entire Punjabi village Khali hails from. He then eats Khali's work visa, but since Khali's home no longer exists, Batista freezes Khali with liquid nitrogen, ties several cinder blocks to him, has Teddy Long drive him out to the ocean, hop onto a boat, and sink Khali to the bottom of the Marianas Trench. Crowd pops.
Khali's manager begins to protest, Batista interrupts. He claims he read on a dateless Internet dirt-sheet that lives with its mother that the manager's name is Arab Bischoff. Immediately accusing him of being the mastermind behind 9/11, Batista calls in the FBI. When the FBI begin to merely arrest Arab Bischoff, Batista uses his pyro to turn Arab Bischoff and the FBI into atoms. Crowd pops huge.
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Post by Palatial Regalia on Nov 25, 2007 12:58:34 GMT -5
Edge, MVP and the great Khali visit a local hospital to spend sometime with some sick children. Michael Cole goes on about how he doesnt trust the 3 and how they are up to no good. Camera pans across the ward showing Khali giving piggyback rides to the kids. Camera then cuts to outside of the hospital revealing Batista, dressed in baby seal furs, driving a fuel tanker towards the hospital at over 80 mph. Huge crowd pop. Cut back to inside the hospital showing Edge giving hugs to the children. Cut back to Batista driving and cackling maniacally yelling how those were his sperms and how he'd be needing them back come Sunday, crowd still popping like mad. Batista jumps out of the rig before it crashes into the hospital. Hospital explodes into flames as Batista does his Gun Jack mannerisms. Crowd pops so hard a fan's head explodes ala scanners. Crowd pops even harder.
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Post by jcdenton on Nov 25, 2007 12:59:58 GMT -5
Edge, MVP and the great Khali visit a local hospital to spend sometime with some sick children. Michael Cole goes on about how he doesnt trust the 3 and how they are up to no good. Camera pans across the ward showing Khali giving piggyback rides to the kids. Camera then cuts to outside of the hospital revealing Batista, dressed in furs, driving a fuel tanker towards the hospital at over 80 mph. Huge crowd pop. Cut back to inside the hospital showing Edge giving hugs to the children. Cut back to Batista driving and cackling maniacally yelling how those were his sperms and how he'd be needing them back come Sunday, crowd still popping like mad. Batista jumps out of the rig before it crashes into the hospital. Hospital explodes into flames as Batista does his Gun Jack mannerisms. Crowd pops so hard a fan's head explodes ala scanners. Crowd pops even harder. MY head nearly blew up!!
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Post by Citizen Snips on Nov 25, 2007 13:06:56 GMT -5
Edge, MVP and the great Khali visit a local hospital to spend sometime with some sick children. Michael Cole goes on about how he doesnt trust the 3 and how they are up to no good. Camera pans across the ward showing Khali giving piggyback rides to the kids. Camera then cuts to outside of the hospital revealing Batista, dressed in baby seal furs, driving a fuel tanker towards the hospital at over 80 mph. Huge crowd pop. Cut back to inside the hospital showing Edge giving hugs to the children. Cut back to Batista driving and cackling maniacally yelling how those were his sperms and how he'd be needing them back come Sunday, crowd still popping like mad. Batista jumps out of the rig before it crashes into the hospital. Hospital explodes into flames as Batista does his Gun Jack mannerisms. Crowd pops so hard a fan's head explodes ala scanners. Crowd pops even harder. On a wwe.com exclusive, Batista drives back to the arena after hijacking a fire truck on its way to a 3 alarm fire, running over several old ladies. He runs into the crowd and replaces the Scanner Fan's head with a basketball. He then yells "You may not hold grudges, but I do!" He pops the basketball with bare hands. Roof blows off the arena.
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Post by Palatial Regalia on Nov 25, 2007 13:11:16 GMT -5
Edge, MVP and the great Khali visit a local hospital to spend sometime with some sick children. Michael Cole goes on about how he doesnt trust the 3 and how they are up to no good. Camera pans across the ward showing Khali giving piggyback rides to the kids. Camera then cuts to outside of the hospital revealing Batista, dressed in baby seal furs, driving a fuel tanker towards the hospital at over 80 mph. Huge crowd pop. Cut back to inside the hospital showing Edge giving hugs to the children. Cut back to Batista driving and cackling maniacally yelling how those were his sperms and how he'd be needing them back come Sunday, crowd still popping like mad. Batista jumps out of the rig before it crashes into the hospital. Hospital explodes into flames as Batista does his Gun Jack mannerisms. Crowd pops so hard a fan's head explodes ala scanners. Crowd pops even harder. On a wwe.com exclusive, Batista drives back to the arena after hijacking a fire truck on its way to a 3 alarm fire, running over several old ladies. He runs into the crowd and replaces the Scanner Fan's head with a basketball. He then yells "You may not hold grudges, but I do!" He pops the basketball with bare hands. Roof blows off the arena. 10% of the fans in the arena spontaneously combust setting fire to nearby fans. Batista begins throwing water balloons filled with gasoline into the crowd. Fans pop like mad.
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Post by Palatial Regalia on Nov 25, 2007 13:17:31 GMT -5
Next week on Smackdown...
Batista's music and pyro hits. Batista emerges from the back with the decapitated head of Ariel. He proceeds to the ring and cuts a promo. He then skullsmurfs the head, all while Michael Cole shouts, "She's getting what she deserves, she should have put out when the Animal demanded, I know I would of." Camera cuts to Cole daydreaming of Batista. Crowd pops huge.
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Post by PTBartman on Nov 25, 2007 13:26:30 GMT -5
Edge Is in a soup kitchen. Batista Rides in on a dog sled pulled by the homeless. Bahahah that was easily the funniest thing I've read in a while, the mental image simply rules, you could've just ended it at that. You know a line like that is useless without photos(hop).
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