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Post by Mister Pigwell on Apr 17, 2008 18:41:55 GMT -5
Ah, Bravo. That one is a classic. If I had one of those applauding .gif thingies, , it would be put right here. how do you get gifs on here as a sig anyway? Exactly the same as any other image.
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Post by The Harbinger of Tragedy on Apr 17, 2008 18:43:53 GMT -5
So this family walks into a talent agency... ... Actually, nevermind. "Continue the joke"
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Post by The Harbinger of Tragedy on Apr 17, 2008 18:45:10 GMT -5
Sorry if this is too political for some, I can't remember where I read this:
How do you know the CIA was not involved in the Kennedy assassination?
He's dead, isn't he?
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cart
Mephisto
Why do wrestlers think that inernet fans don't get laid? anyone wanna cyber?
Posts: 749
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Post by cart on Apr 17, 2008 18:46:25 GMT -5
how do you get gifs on here as a sig anyway? Exactly the same as any other image. as in put that img at the start and slash img at the end ? I can't make gifs anyway....where is a good place to get them or how do i make them??
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Max
Hank Scorpio
Played Radar on M*A*S*H
im smokin skunk and poppin the truck to make me feel good
Posts: 5,374
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Post by Max on Apr 17, 2008 18:49:40 GMT -5
knock knock whos there boo boo who? ARE YOU CRYING HAHAHA ITS A JOKE HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Apr 17, 2008 18:57:02 GMT -5
Two old men had been best friends for years, and they both live to their early 90's, when one of them suddenly falls deathly ill. His friend comes to visit him on his deathbed, and they're reminiscing about their long friendship, when the dying man's friend asks, "Listen, when you die, do me a favor. I want to know if there's baseball in heaven."
The dying man said, "We've been friends for years, this I'll do for you." And then he dies.
A couple days later, his surviving friend is sleeping when he hears his friend's voice. The voice says, "I've got some good news and some bad news. The good news is that there's baseball in heaven."
"What's the bad news?"
"You're pitching on Wednesday."
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Post by G✇JI☈A on Apr 17, 2008 19:05:51 GMT -5
A young man just back from Boot Camp is telling his Dad about parachuting out of a plane. 'Well it was so darn scary I locked up and could not go out. Well then the Sergeant came up to me and said in my ear "Son if you don't go I'm gonna f*** you up the ass"'. 'So' said the Dad 'did you jump?' to which the son replied 'A little at first'.
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Post by Silent Brad on Apr 17, 2008 19:38:22 GMT -5
See, there were these two guys in a lunatic asylum... and one night... one night they decide they don’t like living in an asylum any more. They decide they’re going to escape! So like they get up on to the roof, and there, just across the narrow gap, they see the rooftops of the town, stretching away in moon light... stretching away to freedom. Now the first guy he jumps right across with no problem. But his friend, his friend daren’t make the leap. Y’see he’s afraid of falling... So then the first guy has an idea. He says “Hey! I have my flash light with me. I will shine it across the gap between the buildings. You can walk across the beam and join me.” But the second guy just shakes his head. He says... he says “What do you think I am, crazy? You would turn it off when I was half way across." Ah, Bravo. That one is a classic. If I had one of those applauding .gif thingies, , it would be put right here. I shall supply you with an appropriate one
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Post by General Adam on Apr 17, 2008 20:06:51 GMT -5
A women takes her father to the doctors for his annual check-up. The women leaves the father with the doctor so he can work.
"How are you today Mr.Smith?" said the doctor "I'm doing fine for a 82 year old man. But I do have to go to the bathroom and night a lot though." said the old man. "Well that is very common at a man of your age." "It doesn't bother me. You see when I start God turns on the light for me and when I am done he turns it off."
After this the doctor gets up and tells his daughter what he told him. Then she said
"Oh dad! You've been pissing in the fridge again!"
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Annette
Unicron
Love Feels Amazing ♥
Posts: 2,533
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Post by Annette on Apr 17, 2008 20:44:42 GMT -5
A pirate walks into a bar. The bartender say "Hey, you have a steering wheel sticking out of your zipper!" The pirate responds "Arrr, and it's drivin' me nuts!"
Also, what is 6 inches, has a head and women love to blow it?
Keep going...
Cash, ya perv.
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Post by The Lach is very tired on Apr 17, 2008 21:56:37 GMT -5
I'm a Knicks fan & I laughed a bit.
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Post by thesam07 on Apr 18, 2008 0:39:07 GMT -5
What do Yoko Ono and african children have in common?
They both live off dead beetles.
[everyone] BOOOOOOOOOOOOO! [/everyone]
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Post by G✇JI☈A on Apr 18, 2008 1:57:50 GMT -5
Did you hear about the Polak who thought his wife was going to kill him? On her dressing table he found a bottle Polish Remover. Hello to all our Polish board members
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El Duderino
AC Slater
don't talk about my moms yo, sometimes he rhyme quick sometimes he rhyme slow.
Posts: 197
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Post by El Duderino on Apr 18, 2008 2:00:53 GMT -5
What a jerk -Sighs-
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default
Bill S. Preston, Esq.
Blames Everything On Snitsky. Yes, Even THAT.
Posts: 17,056
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Post by default on Apr 18, 2008 2:06:45 GMT -5
So Brock Lesnar walks into a bar...
A KNEEBAR!
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El Pollo Guerrera
Grimlock
His name has chicken in it, and he is good at makin' .gifs, so that's cool.
Status: Runner
Posts: 14,723
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Post by El Pollo Guerrera on Apr 18, 2008 2:34:27 GMT -5
My friends think I'm addicted to brake fluid, but I can stop any time I want to. HA! My joke: A blonde chick calls her boyfriend on the phone... "Honey, I'm trying to put together a puzzle with a picture of a tiger and I need help. Can you come over?" The guy says sure, and he goes to her apartment and finds little pieces all over the table, along with the box...
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Post by The Beast Disincarnate on Apr 18, 2008 3:04:45 GMT -5
Two explorers are lost in the jungle after a plane crash. They are kidnapped by a cannibal savage tribe with very scary faces and no less freaky intentions.
Here comes the chief of the tribe : "my friends...you're our property now. And if you want to live, you must do everything i will told you to do. If not, we will eat you alive and you will die in horrible sufferings. You got to go back to the jungle, find 100 identic fruits and take them back to the village, and don't even try to escape, our people will be after you!
The 2 explorers go. One hour after, the first one come back with 100 acerola cherries. The chief is happy. "Ok now, you will stick these 100 fruits in your ass, one by one, without laughing, speaking or screaming, or i kill you!!" The guy is nowhere near the desire of laughing, and he starts putting the cherries in his own ass
One, two, three, four...in the beggining it hurts...10,20,30....at 35 he almost cry....40,50,60...at 72 he almost laugh....96,97,98...and suddenly the guy burst out and laugh like a mad man.
You idiot say the chief, you were about to suceed, and you would have been offered 10 virgins, now i will kill you like an animal.
I know i know say the man, laughing to tears like an idiot, but when i saw my friend come back with his 100 coconuts...
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Post by strykerdarksilence on Apr 18, 2008 4:52:48 GMT -5
A very elderly, decrepit man is having his annual physical at the doctors. The doctor asks,
"Do you do anything to keep in shape?"
"Yes!" replies the elderly man. "I recently married a beautiful 25 year old lingerie model, and we have a very active sex life. In fact she has recently become pregnant!"
The doctor looks at him for a moment and says "I`d like to tell you a story". The man nods, so the doctor continues, "A friend of mine went hunting in the woods, but instead of a gun, he took an umbrella. After about an hour of walking he happened upon a dear in a clearing. He steadied himself, took aim with umbrella, pulled the trigger and the dear fell down dead."
"Thats inpossible!" says the elderly man, "Someone else must have shot the dear!"
"Bingo!" replies the doctor.
------------------------------------------------------------------
Two men are drinking in a bar on the 50th floor of a hotel. One turns to the other and says,
"Do you know that this building is very unique. There is a thermal current that runs around this building at the 30th floor, so if you jump off the balcony here, it will catch you and float you around the building, all the way back up to where you jumped from!"
"Thats utter rubbish" replies the other man. "I`ve never heard such a lie in all my life!"
"I`ll prove it!" says the first man.
So the two walk to the balcony and the first guy leaps off. He plummets down to the 30th floor where sure enough, he stops gently and slowly, majestically he floats around and around the building, spiralling up to the spot on the balcony he jumped from.
"That....thats incredible!" says the other guy. "That has to have been a fluke! Do it again!"
So again the first guy leaps off the balcony, plummets to the 30th floor, comes to a gentle stop and soars around the building up to the point where he jumped off.
"Wow!" says the other guy, totally in awe. "I`ve got to try this for myself!"
He takes a running leap over the balcony and falls 50 floors to a grizzly death on the street below. The first guy quietly and calmly walks back to his barstool and resumes drinking, and the barman says,
"Superman, you`re such a bastard when you`re drunk"
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Post by G✇JI☈A on Apr 18, 2008 6:09:41 GMT -5
A man is in a bar when out of nowhere he hears 'Your Beautiful' the man thinks nothing of it and keeps drinking and then he hears 'Your the greatest' the man looks around and sees nobody. He goes back to drinking when a minute later he hears 'Seriously I love you man, way to go champ'. Finally the man calls over the bartender and says 'I think I might be pissed but I keep hearing a voice. And it's giving me some encouraging comments.' The Barkeep says 'Oh don't worry bout that sir. Thats just the Complementary Nuts.'
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Post by SsnakeBite, the No1 Frenchman on Apr 18, 2008 6:13:11 GMT -5
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