JacopeX
Dennis Stamp
Patience! Pashunz!
Posts: 4,182
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Post by JacopeX on Feb 26, 2009 19:21:15 GMT -5
You know the rules! Lets begin crapping!
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It is now the beginning of Monday Night Raw. Vince Mcmahon appears on the titantron as the camera keeps zooming in and out on Vince's face for five minutes until the cameraman finally adjusts it correctly. The crowd went from full apathy to silence over those five minutes alone as vince kept a straight face the entire time.
Vince Mcmahon: "Thank You.....Tonight will a special night. The reason is because......."
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Matt Dunn
Hank Scorpio
It was inevitable.
Posts: 5,596
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Post by Matt Dunn on Feb 26, 2009 19:31:31 GMT -5
I'M PREGNANT!!!
Michael Cole: Oh my!!!
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JacopeX
Dennis Stamp
Patience! Pashunz!
Posts: 4,182
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Post by JacopeX on Feb 26, 2009 19:33:43 GMT -5
The Crowd goes crazy as Vince is seen nodding with a surprised look.
Vince Mcmahon: I am due on May 19th.....And i will give birth in that very ring.
This cause Kane's pyro to combust as he comes out with a mic and turns to Vince.
Kane: ........Wait a minute!.......
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Post by Jock Ass on Feb 27, 2009 0:04:28 GMT -5
...In order to properly talk about this, we need to bring out my friend. Please welcome to the ring, MAURY POVICH! Maury strolls down the ring...
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Matt Dunn
Hank Scorpio
It was inevitable.
Posts: 5,596
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Post by Matt Dunn on Feb 27, 2009 3:29:11 GMT -5
While entering the ring, Maury busts both his quads. The EMTs rush down to help him. Cole and Lawler give their low-key "genuine concern" commentary.
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JacopeX
Dennis Stamp
Patience! Pashunz!
Posts: 4,182
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Post by JacopeX on Feb 27, 2009 13:27:38 GMT -5
After the commercial Break, we see Mike Knox in the ring......
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Push R Truth
Patti Mayonnaise
Unique and Special Snowflake, and a pants-less heathen.
Perpetually Constipated
Posts: 39,295
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Post by Push R Truth on Feb 27, 2009 13:44:00 GMT -5
....and he has since shaved off his beard.
BUT WHAT"S THIS?!?!?!
Kane comes out with Knox's ZOMBIE BEARD!!!!!
VINTAGE KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANE!
BAH GAWD THE BEARD IS CONSUMING MIKE KNOX IN THE MIDDLE OF THE RING!
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Matt Dunn
Hank Scorpio
It was inevitable.
Posts: 5,596
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Post by Matt Dunn on Feb 27, 2009 14:05:36 GMT -5
Now, with Knox being reduced to a pair of boots and blood spatter, Kane raises his arms, lowers them, and nothing happens. He tries again, nothing happens. Kane then falls to the canvas sobbing uncontrolably.
Back in the back, we see Maury continuing to be wheeled (yes, it took that long).
Maury: I will sue you! Your kids! Your grandkids! Your grandkid's grandkid's! You're through McMahon.
Vince: But baby, our child!
Cole: Oh my!
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Post by Metalheadbanger Man on Feb 27, 2009 15:52:48 GMT -5
After all this drama, the first match of the night is about to get underway. It'll be two recently re-hired guys: Highlander Rory vs Timothy Well. The match is going for about 2 minutes, when out of nowhere...
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Post by YellowJacketY2J on Feb 27, 2009 17:05:17 GMT -5
...Horswoggle makes his way down to the ring and F-5's both men. He then grabs the mic and says...
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Matt Dunn
Hank Scorpio
It was inevitable.
Posts: 5,596
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Post by Matt Dunn on Feb 27, 2009 17:58:02 GMT -5
"That's right! That's right! I'm the man...the myth...the legend...."
Someone from the audience shoots Hornswoggle in the face.
Security tackle the man to the ground and taze him.
We cut to a "technical difficulties" screen
When we come back, The Brian Kendrick is in the ring...
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Post by Metalheadbanger Man on Feb 27, 2009 18:19:18 GMT -5
eating a watermelon. Ezekiel Jackson is giving him a massage. Ezekiel grabs a mic and whispers softly...
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Matt Dunn
Hank Scorpio
It was inevitable.
Posts: 5,596
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Post by Matt Dunn on Feb 27, 2009 18:32:01 GMT -5
"Brian and I are thick to death (talking with a lisp) of the white man always taking our thpot."
Cole: Oh My!!!
Lawler: What!!!
"Thath right, Americuh!!! My bruva Brine Kendricth ith renounthin hith white herimatige. And he won't tolk til the people in the back give him a title shot!!!"
<crowd boos loudly>
"Thath right, we will thtay here all night until we get an anther!"
<Kendrick continues to eat his watermelon>
Then, Big Daddy V's music hits. He comes in and anhiliates both Kendrick and Ezekiel. He is wearing a T-shirt with the confederate flag on it.
Then, he speaks
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Post by Metalheadbanger Man on Feb 27, 2009 19:02:41 GMT -5
"I'm no longer Big Daddy V, I'm now Massive Father the 5th! And I'm doin' it for my new peoples now!". Massive Father the 5th brings out Mo and Oscar, however...
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Matt Dunn
Hank Scorpio
It was inevitable.
Posts: 5,596
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Post by Matt Dunn on Feb 27, 2009 19:11:12 GMT -5
Mark Henry and Sal E. Graziano jump them from behind...
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Post by blindfoldmatchhaha on Feb 27, 2009 19:38:16 GMT -5
and slap a mike in mo fist so that he can sing a 10 minute extended version of the men on a mission theme tune,
we cut to the back and see a limo pull up the door opens and out steps lex luger, josh mathews rushes over to try and get a comment,
"mr luger..mr luger why are you here?!!!"
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Post by Metalheadbanger Man on Feb 27, 2009 19:50:14 GMT -5
"You're expecting me to say I don't knooooooooooow, aren't you? Well I do know, dammit! I'm here to take out a man who has been a thorn in my side for years now. I'm talking about...
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FHgrad99
Vegeta
Never mind that s***, here comes Mongo!
Posts: 9,024
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Post by FHgrad99 on Feb 27, 2009 19:56:48 GMT -5
Tatanka" Josh says "But Tatanka doesn't work here anymore." Luger glares at him and quietly tells him to "shut your stinking mouth you little pipsqueak." Luger then walks over and attacks......
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Post by blindfoldmatchhaha on Feb 27, 2009 20:09:43 GMT -5
the t-shirt guy shouting
"these T-shirts are too tight billy!!!"
in the back ground we see Hulk Hogan going into Vince's dressing room
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JacopeX
Dennis Stamp
Patience! Pashunz!
Posts: 4,182
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Post by JacopeX on Feb 27, 2009 20:41:47 GMT -5
and gave him the big boot. He takes off vince's shirt and spray paints CCW on Vince's back.
Cole: Vintage Hogan!
Lawler: Shut up!
Cole: Your mamma!
We cut then return from commercial break as we see Viscera, Brian Kendrick, and Ezekiel jackson........
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