Change MeTenay: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to night one of TNA’s Double Impact! I’m Mike Tenay, joined tonight, not by Hermie Sadler, but by TNA road agent Simon Diamond!
Diamond: Thank you Michael. Ladies and gentlemen…
*Simon stands up from his position with a microphone in hand. He enters the ring…*
Diamond: Simon has a problem.
You see, for far too long, TNA has shown me disrespect. A man of my considerable acumen should be in the spotlight, guiding today’s talent as they strive to reach their full potential. But instead, I’m stuck backstage, working a nine to five desk job in a cubicle that I have to share with D’Lo Brown! And that’s not right!
Therefore, I spoke with Kurt Angle and he has agreed to give me a tryout this week, as the new color commentator of TNA Impact! So home viewers, prepare to be shocked, stunned, swerved and left in amazement! Simon Diamond has returned with all the answers!
*Diamond exit’s the ring and returns to his post.*
Diamond: How was that, Tenay?
Tenay: Well, this should be interesting to say the least.
Diamond: Oh you’ve got that right, Michael! We are a mere thirteen days away from the spectacle to end all spectacles, TNA Bound For Glory! And the road to that event will take us through two consecutive nights of wall to wall, corner to post and coast to coast action!
Tenay: I couldn’t have said it any better myself, Simon! Kicking things off tonight is a special six woman tag team contest pitting the TNA Women’s Champion and the TNA Women’s Tag Team Champions against their Bound For Glory challengers.
Diamond: Yes Michael! Melanie Crank teams with The Beautiful People to face Akayo Hamada and Mickie James and Gail Kim!
Borash: The following contest is a six woman tag team attraction! It is set for one fall, with a ten minute time limit.
Angel On My ShoulderBorash: Introducing first, they are the TNA Women’s Tag Team Champions, Angelina Love and Velvet Sky, The Beautiful People!
*The Beautiful People make their way to the ring. As they enter, Velvet takes the microphone from Borash.*
First of all, we would like to thank TNA Management Director Kurt Angle for finally doing something about the ugliness of the ringside area. Needless to say, Simon Diamond, you are a huge improvement over Hermie Sadler.Diamond: I’m so touched, I fear I may even lose composure right here at ringside…
Now then, on to official BP business! Last week, I was utterly humiliated! What was supposed to be a crowning achievement for us, teaming with the TNA World Tag Team Champions, turned into a full-blown disaster!
Doug Williams, how dare you?! We were supposed to kick butt last week! We were supposed to make Daniels and Mickie regret that they earned those title shots! But instead, my “partner” couldn’t carry his end of the bargain! And I was the one left flat on her back with Mickie on top of me for the count of three!*The crowd gasps.*
Tenay: Does she realize what she just said?
*The crowd starts laughing as a look of realization crosses Velvet’s face.*
Diamond: I think she does now.
No no! I didn’t mean… That’s not…“NOW THAT‘S HOT! NOW THAT‘S HOT! NOW THAT‘S HOT!”
NO!*Angelina quickly covers Velvet’s ears. Velvet holds up the microphone allowing Angelina to speak.*
SHUT UP!
How dare you?! Velvet Sky is a woman of dignity and class! And you dare make insinuations like that?! Why-Coming UndoneMickie James and Gail Kim walk out onstage. Mickie has a microphone.
So Velvet. Just one little question for you.
Was it good for you too?The crowd roars in approval as Velvet screams and drops to the mat in fury.
I think she wants some more, Mickie.*Angelina steps forward, one hand on her hip.*
Do you two think you’re funny or something? Are we supposed to be laughing? Because I’m not. Poor Velvet’s not. And Mr. Diamond isn’t laughing either!*As if on cue, Simon Diamond stands up from the announce table.*
Diamond: It is a sad world we live in, when a young lady, in the middle of an impassioned speech, cannot get even a little overzealous without an entire arena full of leeches getting on her about it.
Velvet Sky is a beautiful, sweet and intelligent woman who should be treated far better than this! So Velvet, on behalf of everyone of these simpletons…
You are NOT a bimbo lesbo!
*This unfortunately just gets the crowd on Velvet’s case more.*
“BIMBO LESBO! BIMBO LESBO! BIMBO LESBO!”
*Angelina throws down her microphone in anger as Velvet is near tears.
Mickie has to hold back her laughter as she raises the mic to speak…
Velvet, it’s OK hon. Really. I guess I kinda always knew you went that way. That’s why last week, when I slowly rolled on top of you, my chest touching your sweaty, heaving chest…
And when my love box brushed against your naval…SHUT UP! JUST STOP!*Velvet is on her knees now.*
Please Mickie! I’m on my knees here…Whoa now! Whoa!
Just because I’m not afraid to experiment doesn’t mean that I’m willing to go all the way! But if you like that, maybe Angelina wouldn’t mind obliging…*Now it’s Angelina’s turn to act outraged.*
Why you-Easy now, Angie. Before you go and blow your load too soon, check out this PHOTOGRAPHIC EVIDENCE…A large poster suddenly falls from the ceiling. It depicts Angelina and Velvet entering the ring.
But it’s been photoshopped to depict the two as kissing.
*Velvet, still on her knees, starts pounding the mat in rage, as Angelina throws the microphone at Mickie and Gail, missing by several feet.*
Oops. I guess we weren’t supposed to show that.Oh well. Now that we’ve outed them, let’s give them something to REALLY cry about.Mickie and Gail make their way down the ramp.
Tenay: Folks, Mickie and Gail aren't waiting for Hamada or Melanie! They're on their way to the ring and we will have this match when we return!