Mozenrath
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Post by Mozenrath on Aug 1, 2014 16:08:38 GMT -5
If your worry about asking a girl out has to do with the time/place where you're at (e.g. not wanting to come off like one of the creepy customers at work, wanting to respect her space when she's on the clock, etc.), then just talk to her like you would anybody else at work for awhile. If she seems to enjoy conversation with you, then what's going to be the harm in asking her out later? I think all that "friend zone" horseshit makes a lot of men confused about this sort of thing. I have never thought any sort of friendzone exists, but given the perception people have, it's not like it isn't a problem a lot of people feel anxious about. That, or the perception anything and everything will get you a sexual harrassment lawsuit. Again, I think that's VERY overblown, and that most people are reasonable and wouldn't frantically email HR because a dude asked them if they like pizza, but for people with little experience who are a little out of their depth, it probably scares the shit out of them. With some people, that's totally true, but I think most people in these situations would prefer to not be in them. They just aren't really sure what to do, exactly, since many people in general have trouble interacting with others, whether it be negative or positive. Think of how many people can't handle a simple confrontation. "I don't like how you did this and this" turns into sheepishly accepting something and slipping a post-it under their door weeks later after it festers in their head for weeks, and by then the other person has no idea what they're talking about, that sort of thing. You see it all the time, and it's because people can be so lost when it comes to social situations. Writing a lot of them off can be taking the easy way out, too, but I get that it isn't exactly like one would or could handle this on a case by case basis when it's not like most of us have any vested interest in all this.
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Post by Kevin Hamilton on Aug 1, 2014 16:20:57 GMT -5
And if quoting Paula Abdul lyrics is wrong, 1988 me don't wanna be right.
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Mozenrath
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Post by Mozenrath on Aug 1, 2014 16:32:44 GMT -5
And if quoting Paula Abdul lyrics is wrong, 1988 me don't wanna be right. 1988 me is an infant, so I have no strong opinion on it by then.
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Post by Kevin Hamilton on Aug 1, 2014 16:55:58 GMT -5
And if quoting Paula Abdul lyrics is wrong, 1988 me don't wanna be right. 1988 me is an infant, so I have no strong opinion on it by then. You missed out on Pebbles.
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Post by King Boo on Aug 1, 2014 17:21:55 GMT -5
Pebbles gave us TLC, so I think we're all forever in her debt.
Another thing I think? I think we're alone now.
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Post by Kevin Hamilton on Aug 1, 2014 17:28:04 GMT -5
In that case, go Lalalala..
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Post by King Boo on Aug 1, 2014 17:33:18 GMT -5
Legit what I have playing right now:
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Post by Kevin Hamilton on Aug 1, 2014 17:38:06 GMT -5
Went a different direction entirely.
Anyone lookin in on this thread is confused as f***, but eh.
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Post by King Boo on Aug 1, 2014 17:57:12 GMT -5
I moved on to NKOTB, personally.
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Post by Kevin Hamilton on Aug 1, 2014 18:41:23 GMT -5
Well the nice guys do need to be hangin' tough.
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Post by revolver86 on Aug 1, 2014 20:15:24 GMT -5
Thanks for derailing this thread and completely marginalizing what these guys are going through. Stay classy.
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Lila
El Dandy
Slip N Slide World Champion 1997
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Post by Lila on Aug 1, 2014 20:30:54 GMT -5
1988 me is an infant, so I have no strong opinion on it by then. You missed out on Pebbles. f*** PEBBLES AND SCREWING OVER TLC
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Lila
El Dandy
Slip N Slide World Champion 1997
Posts: 8,905
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Post by Lila on Aug 1, 2014 20:35:10 GMT -5
Thanks for derailing this thread and completely marginalizing what these guys are going through. Stay classy.
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Post by Kevin Hamilton on Aug 1, 2014 20:38:41 GMT -5
Thanks for derailing this thread and completely marginalizing what these guys are going through. Stay classy. In all honesty, what else could be said that hadn't already? The same talking points had been brought up for the last five pages. Class hasn't one thing to do with any of that. People are welcome to steer thread back to the same talking points at any point in time.
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Post by King Boo on Aug 1, 2014 20:43:55 GMT -5
Thanks for derailing this thread and completely marginalizing what these guys are going through. Stay classy. Do you know how many times there has been an iteration of this thread? I've lost count. The same things get said each time, no one listens or changes their mind. At some point someone posted a video where Gloria Estefan is, for unknown reasons, dancing with the cast of the broadway hit Cats. First off, I don't know about anyone else, but I can't *not* comment on that. Second, I've tried in the past commenting in a serious manner and absolutely NO ONE listened to me. At some point one has to assume it's because no one really wants to. So, forgive us if we had a little fun in the middle of yet another "women only like assholes"/Nice Guys thread.
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Post by Kevin Hamilton on Aug 1, 2014 20:54:06 GMT -5
Cards on the table, the Gloria Estefan song was me as well-- the song was Bad Boys; attempt at a light-hearted deal amid the same old arguments, and here we are.
But hell, legit honest advice right here-- women aren't some unfathomable mystery. They're people just like dudes are. Some are great, and some are shitty. They have a variety of interests, just like guys do. There is no magic formula, no philosopher's stone to decipher when trying to find out what they want or how to talk to them; primarily because they're individuals and each specific woman will want different things.
Part of the problem with the axiom of 'women only want bad boys' or ANYTHING like that is that it paints every member of that gender with the same brush. If you do that, well you're already putting yourself at a disadvantage because you're not actually treating a woman you want to get to know any better than the bad boys are, even as a nice guy. At best, you're creating in your mind some version of her that doesn't exist. That doesn't do you or her, any good.
Do some women want douchebags? Absolutely. But unless you are one, why would you want one of those chicks anyway?
Want to learn how to talk to women? Start talking to em. It's just like anything else, practice, and you'll get better at it. Stop overthinking this shit.
Don't fear rejection. Everyone gets shot down once in awhile. You'll likely never deal with the person again, so who gives a f***? And even if you do, they're not rejecting YOU, they're rejecting the offer to date you or whatever. They're not the final arbiter on your self worth unless you let em be. Don't do that. The person that determines your self worth should always be YOU. No one else can take that from ya; so if some chick thinks you're 'less than'? Who gives a f***?
Don't worry about 'nice guy/bad boy' shit. That's high school shit. Be a man.
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Post by Mister Pigwell on Aug 1, 2014 21:12:43 GMT -5
See and there Slim goes trying to tempt me into posting BE A MAN HOGAN by a certain Macho guy. But we've been yelled at so it would seem forced at this point, and that's a shame because it's a really fun song when you actually listen to it. And that would lead to Village People. Missing a whole train of awesomeness as somehow it could have steered to Barry Gibb. Sad face.
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Post by A Platypus Rave on Aug 1, 2014 21:13:27 GMT -5
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Post by King Boo on Aug 1, 2014 21:19:55 GMT -5
See and there Slim goes trying to tempt me into posting BE A MAN HOGAN by a certain Macho guy. But we've been yelled at so it would seem forced at this point, and that's a shame because it's a really fun song when you actually listen to it. And that would lead to Village People. Missing a whole train of awesomeness as somehow it could have steered to Barry Gibb. Sad face. Dude, I had the SAME impulse. Also, I was totally listening to Andy Gibb in the car earlier today.
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Post by revolver86 on Aug 1, 2014 22:50:31 GMT -5
Shit on me all you want, but it was an internet discussion, exactly like this one, where someone stated the right thing at the right time and woke my sad ass up and led to me picking myself up, reaching towards my goals, finding happiness within myself and meeting people. Point being, while I find the banter funny, the approach is something that is common to guys that have trouble finding love and acceptance. "Oh, you don't know how to naturally get what a large percentage of folks take for granted? Okay, you're a whiner and we're going to discuss something completely unrelated in this topic, it's TOTALLY not a way to trivialize what you're going through!!"
While I may have made huge strides and become a dating guy...23 year old me having my first kiss would be ready to die after seeing this behavior from a community that is known for being very accepting and tolerant. A lot of guys that can't get with girls suffer from the same BS as everyone else, but were cursed with a lack of social dynamics. No guy posts this stuff hoping for a paton the back, they want.concrete evidence and examples to move forward.
The worst thing you could do, to a lonely person, is trivialize they're pain. That's how sick MRA's are bred. Not to say f***ed up people are right, just saying that the power of having a strong, supportive, community around you can be the difference between someone getting their head straight and finding love, versus hanging themseleves because they, and everyone else, made it clear their life wasn't with sharing with others.
This may have started with a juvenile "nice guys vs. bad boys" discussion , but it was getting into an interesting topic because sex and the female/male dynamics are changing, in real time, and this is an important topic worth discussing.
Point being, I found the topic interesting and got a page and a half of "You guys suck, let's talk about something else to remind you that what you are feeling has no worth. If you were that enthusiastic about Paula Adule, there would be a thread for it, instead it came across as "how you feel doesn't matter!"
f***, I'm tired.
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