"Magic" Mark Hurr
Bill S. Preston, Esq.
Here, have some chili dogs
Not related to Phantasmo
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Post by "Magic" Mark Hurr on Jul 31, 2014 16:42:18 GMT -5
I hear what you're saying Orange, because I've been in that boat. My issue has always been the origin of the lack of self-confidence. I already said not having the knowledge of yourself and the world around you would be the problem people in this predicament would have to overcome.
And another thing. That doormat thing. There are some guys who don't mind aaccommodating that much because they aren't consumed that much with the chase aspect or the need to be a overly dominant. They'd rather use that energy being creative or forward what provides them the release from dealing with the world. Women may be included in that world that they deal with so when she sees she isn't his holy grail or at least the boss level the video game of bullshit she'll malfunction. A lot just aren't't built to adjust and adapt. It would change the narrative that just our relationship culture. Some dudes are just wired like that though. They aren't't without self-confidence or sense of purpose, women just aren't the yin to their yang they way things are portrayed. There can be a difference. It's not a 50/50 split, but it exist more than people acknowledge.
(And yes there are women who are like that who have evolved from how society has tried to condition women to treat rrelationshis. They are just massively out nummered by the lunatics out there.)
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Post by Kevin Hamilton on Jul 31, 2014 16:43:45 GMT -5
Though Gloria Estefan does like bad boys: why the hell is she with the cast of cats? 80's were a feline/woman free for all:
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Post by "Gentleman" AJ Powell on Jul 31, 2014 18:21:45 GMT -5
why the hell is she with the cast of cats? 80's were a feline/woman free for all: All this thread seems to be is taking two steps forward and two steps back.
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Lila
El Dandy
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Post by Lila on Jul 31, 2014 18:26:31 GMT -5
80's were a feline/woman free for all: All this thread seems to be is taking two steps forward and two steps back. Hey! Don't get mad because the thread prefers TV while you like movies.
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Post by "Gentleman" AJ Powell on Jul 31, 2014 18:30:45 GMT -5
All this thread seems to be is taking two steps forward and two steps back. Hey! Don't get mad because the thread prefers TV while you like movies. It's not my fault I take things seriously and it takes them light, whilst I go to bed early it parties all night!
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Post by HMARK Center on Jul 31, 2014 23:32:28 GMT -5
While I agree with that one post, the thing that always puzzles me is how some people say "Got to have confidence" or "Be confident" like it's so easy to get that away at the snap of a finger. Quite the opposite, really; gaining confidence in yourself is most often incredibly difficult, and it's up to each of us to put the work in to find some level of it. Young men would do well to spend awhile while we're young focusing on learning about ourselves and the world around us; learn what interests you in life, what makes you happy, indulge in some new hobbies, read a few books on subjects you don't know a lot about, travel wherever you can (even short road trips), experience things and learn what those things really mean to you. This builds confidence; you feel comfortable in what your interests are, and can show passion when discussing them, two things that lead to conversation, more social interaction, more self-assuredness. It's not easy to do, and it takes a lot of time and dedication, but it's on each of us to put some of that work in instead of just kind of hanging back and thinking somebody will, somehow, randomly feel attracted to us. Almost nobody does it perfectly, but it's still an effort that should be made.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 31, 2014 23:41:23 GMT -5
While I agree with that one post, the thing that always puzzles me is how some people say "Got to have confidence" or "Be confident" like it's so easy to get that away at the snap of a finger. Quite the opposite, really; gaining confidence in yourself is most often incredibly difficult, and it's up to each of us to put the work in to find some level of it. Young men would do well to spend awhile while we're young focusing on learning about ourselves and the world around us; learn what interests you in life, what makes you happy, indulge in some new hobbies, read a few books on subjects you don't know a lot about, travel wherever you can (even short road trips), experience things and learn what those things really mean to you. This builds confidence; you feel comfortable in what your interests are, and can show passion when discussing them, two things that lead to conversation, more social interaction, more self-assuredness. It's not easy to do, and it takes a lot of time and dedication, but it's on each of us to put some of that work in instead of just kind of hanging back and thinking somebody will, somehow, randomly feel attracted to us. Almost nobody does it perfectly, but it's still an effort that should be made. Agreed. Moving out to a different town where I didn't know anybody right after highschool was the best thing I have ever done. It's a gradual thing for sure and I didn't get a shit ton of confidence over time. You need patience, lots of it and no need to stress over it. It happens naturally through time by doing something.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 31, 2014 23:47:07 GMT -5
The Nice Guys need to ask the Bad Boys what they want, what they want, what they're gonna do?
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agent817
Fry's dog Seymour
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Post by agent817 on Jul 31, 2014 23:47:23 GMT -5
While I agree with that one post, the thing that always puzzles me is how some people say "Got to have confidence" or "Be confident" like it's so easy to get that away at the snap of a finger. Quite the opposite, really; gaining confidence in yourself is most often incredibly difficult, and it's up to each of us to put the work in to find some level of it. Young men would do well to spend awhile while we're young focusing on learning about ourselves and the world around us; learn what interests you in life, what makes you happy, indulge in some new hobbies, read a few books on subjects you don't know a lot about, travel wherever you can (even short road trips), experience things and learn what those things really mean to you. This builds confidence; you feel comfortable in what your interests are, and can show passion when discussing them, two things that lead to conversation, more social interaction, more self-assuredness. It's not easy to do, and it takes a lot of time and dedication, but it's on each of us to put some of that work in instead of just kind of hanging back and thinking somebody will, somehow, randomly feel attracted to us. Almost nobody does it perfectly, but it's still an effort that should be made. I know what you're saying, but what my point was is that when people say "Be confident" or "Got to have confidence," I often feel that's a cop-out because they say it like it's so easy. When I tell people about wanting to try talking to a girl I like, and I explain the difficulties of the situation (Like seeing her at her place of work for example and being aware of how she is on the clock and how common it is to get hit on), I remember a friend of mine giving me the "Got to have confidence" line. I mean, seriously, is that the best you could do? Try giving me pointers on how NOT to look like a creepy customer. I am just using that as an example by the way. I am not going to lie, my confidence level fluctuates. I have my days when I am confident and comfortable around people. I have my other days when I am a little more insecure and not at ease about stuff. So it's hard for me to tell people about my confidence level and such.
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Derk!
Hank Scorpio
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Post by Derk! on Aug 1, 2014 0:04:55 GMT -5
Just because someone complains about their significant other a lot, it does not necessarily mean that they want out, and somewhere, the guy is just as likely to be bitching about her to his friends. Like attracts like, and on that same note, many of the women who consistently find themselves in unhealthy relationships are themselves prone to making toxic relationship decisions. They are doing you a favor by not dating you, in such a case. You are almost always better off single than in a relationship that sucks. True enough. But honestly, I'm not interested in dating these women because I see the drama in their life and want no part of it despite them being decent people. I was just speaking more along the lines of them deserving someone better rather than the scumbags they choose to be with. And while we are on the subject of confidence, it has actually improved a lot, even more than at this point last year. I could talk to people with no hesitation. I'm actually fairly talkative at work, and I'm usually the one that's the loudest. But for some reason, I just can't seem to transfer any of that energy or confidence when trying to approach a girl I may find interesting outside of work. I freeze up, can't think of shit to say or just end up not even approaching them. It boggles my mind.
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Mozenrath
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Post by Mozenrath on Aug 1, 2014 0:07:19 GMT -5
Just because someone complains about their significant other a lot, it does not necessarily mean that they want out, and somewhere, the guy is just as likely to be bitching about her to his friends. Like attracts like, and on that same note, many of the women who consistently find themselves in unhealthy relationships are themselves prone to making toxic relationship decisions. They are doing you a favor by not dating you, in such a case. You are almost always better off single than in a relationship that sucks. True enough. But honestly, I'm not interested in dating these women because I see the drama in their life and want no part of it despite them being decent people. I was just speaking more along the lines of them deserving someone better rather than the scumbags they choose to be with. And while we are on the subject of confidence, it has actually improved a lot, even more than at this point last year. I could talk to people with no hesitation. I'm actually fairly talkative at work, and I'm usually the one that's the loudest. But for some reason, I just can't seem to transfer any of that energy or confidence when trying to approach a girl I may find interesting outside of work. I freeze up, can't think of shit to say or just end up not even approaching them. It boggles my mind. Glad your confidence has improved, and I hope you figure out something that works for you.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 1, 2014 0:22:49 GMT -5
Quite the opposite, really; gaining confidence in yourself is most often incredibly difficult, and it's up to each of us to put the work in to find some level of it. Young men would do well to spend awhile while we're young focusing on learning about ourselves and the world around us; learn what interests you in life, what makes you happy, indulge in some new hobbies, read a few books on subjects you don't know a lot about, travel wherever you can (even short road trips), experience things and learn what those things really mean to you. This builds confidence; you feel comfortable in what your interests are, and can show passion when discussing them, two things that lead to conversation, more social interaction, more self-assuredness. It's not easy to do, and it takes a lot of time and dedication, but it's on each of us to put some of that work in instead of just kind of hanging back and thinking somebody will, somehow, randomly feel attracted to us. Almost nobody does it perfectly, but it's still an effort that should be made. I know what you're saying, but what my point was is that when people say "Be confident" or "Got to have confidence," I often feel that's a cop-out because they say it like it's so easy. When I tell people about wanting to try talking to a girl I like, and I explain the difficulties of the situation (Like seeing her at her place of work for example and being aware of how she is on the clock and how common it is to get hit on), I remember a friend of mine giving me the "Got to have confidence" line. I mean, seriously, is that the best you could do? Try giving me pointers on how NOT to look like a creepy customer. I am just using that as an example by the way. I am not going to lie, my confidence level fluctuates. I have my days when I am confident and comfortable around people. I have my other days when I am a little more insecure and not at ease about stuff. So it's hard for me to tell people about my confidence level and such. Because you need to have confidence, there is no other explanation. You can't teach confidence or transfer confidence to someone else. You can really only get it by being born with it or doing stuff that creates it and not to dwell on any failures if you fail. You just have to do it and work up the courage and not overthink things or think of excuses. I just find it funny you're calling out your friends for copping out by telling you to be confident but you're making excuses of why you can't talk to a girl and creating excuses for your lack of consistent confidence. So once again I'm going to say this. Be confident, it's not going to be easy, but just do it. Hell actually scrap that. Just do it. See what happens. What happens happens, don't even think of what you think is going to happen. No excuses. No cop outs.
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Post by Non Banjoble Tokens on Aug 1, 2014 0:40:49 GMT -5
The problem isn't that that hot chick would rather date a douchebag than you, a "nice guy"; no woman has ever said "gee, you know, I just hate nice peole!" It's simply that "nice guys" are frequently doormats who think that letting a woman (or anybody, for that manner, but that's too broad for this conversation) walk all over them is what being nice is about. You know the lyrics to The Offspring's "Self Esteem"? "The more you suffer, the more it shows you really care"? That's what nice guys think being nice is all about. They have no sense of confidence, and, like it or not, the "douchebags" frequently have confidence that women, and people in general, are attracted to. I know because I used to be a "nice guy". Now, I never went as far to proclaim myself to be a nice guy to people, but I had everything else down; pitiful self-confidence, horrid people skills, the ability to be a doormat etc. etc. It was all there for me. So why wasn't I getting the girl? I mean, I was nice and would do anything for a woman while asking for nothing in return; isn't that what love is all about?! It's because I didn't carry myself like somebody who deserved respect. My fashion was a pitiful mess, my body language didn't exactly exude confidence, and the quality of being a doormat isn't appealing to anybody, let alone somebody who might enter a romantic relationship with you. It wasn't until I began to work on my self-confidence that I realized this basic thing; PEOPLE LOVE CONFIDENCE. No, nice guys, it's not that you're simply too nice for these women; it's because you lack confidence that those "douchebags" have. The douchebag is secure with himself and carries himself like he couldn't give a f***, but in a good way. He's comfortable with himself and he carries himself with pride and respect. THAT'S what women, and people, are drawn to. That's the quality you need to have, period. Confidence will help you everywhere in life, and you better believe it'll help you with women. Being nice is absolutely a quality... quality to have. People like niceness; people don't like doormats because doormats don't deserve to be treated with respect. So, in closing, nice guys don't finish last; clingy, overbearing doormats finish last. Confidence is NOT easy to acquire, and I'm not some f***ing master of confidence over here, but I'm working on it. Luckily, confidence is a trait that can be learned, and if you're wondering why "bitches" are always passing by you, the "nice guy" for the "douchebag", look inward and up your confidence game. This post needs to be posted every time we have this thread I have a better idea. How about people just stop making these threads?
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agent817
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Post by agent817 on Aug 1, 2014 1:10:14 GMT -5
I know what you're saying, but what my point was is that when people say "Be confident" or "Got to have confidence," I often feel that's a cop-out because they say it like it's so easy. When I tell people about wanting to try talking to a girl I like, and I explain the difficulties of the situation (Like seeing her at her place of work for example and being aware of how she is on the clock and how common it is to get hit on), I remember a friend of mine giving me the "Got to have confidence" line. I mean, seriously, is that the best you could do? Try giving me pointers on how NOT to look like a creepy customer. I am just using that as an example by the way. I am not going to lie, my confidence level fluctuates. I have my days when I am confident and comfortable around people. I have my other days when I am a little more insecure and not at ease about stuff. So it's hard for me to tell people about my confidence level and such. Because you need to have confidence, there is no other explanation. You can't teach confidence or transfer confidence to someone else. You can really only get it by being born with it or doing stuff that creates it and not to dwell on any failures if you fail. You just have to do it and work up the courage and not overthink things or think of excuses. I just find it funny you're calling out your friends for copping out by telling you to be confident but you're making excuses of why you can't talk to a girl and creating excuses for your lack of consistent confidence. So once again I'm going to say this. Be confident, it's not going to be easy, but just do it. Hell actually scrap that. Just do it. See what happens. What happens happens, don't even think of what you think is going to happen. No excuses. No cop outs. Do you even get the point I made? This isn't about confidence and being comfortable about something. Sure, I'll admit that I am a little socially awkward, but what I was saying was that talking to a woman who WORKS AT A PLACE WHO I HAVE MY EYE ON is hard because she is on the clock and there is a good chance that she has dealt with male customers who have hit on her lots of times. Believe me, this isn't about being confident, this is about how my friends just tell me the simple two-word sentence that is no real help when someone has to face a boundary that is when one is a customer and the other person is on the job. Do you think it's worth being slapped with an accusation of harassment just because I have to use my confidence to try talking to her while she is on the job? Or asking her out while she is working? I understand it's all about taking risks, but not if one can get in trouble in the process. This is me trying to be smart in the situation. Now if I see the woman OUTSIDE OF HER WORKPLACE, then it's fair game. I wouldn't really have much of a problem talking to her if I see her when she is not working.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 1, 2014 8:05:48 GMT -5
Because you need to have confidence, there is no other explanation. You can't teach confidence or transfer confidence to someone else. You can really only get it by being born with it or doing stuff that creates it and not to dwell on any failures if you fail. You just have to do it and work up the courage and not overthink things or think of excuses. I just find it funny you're calling out your friends for copping out by telling you to be confident but you're making excuses of why you can't talk to a girl and creating excuses for your lack of consistent confidence. So once again I'm going to say this. Be confident, it's not going to be easy, but just do it. Hell actually scrap that. Just do it. See what happens. What happens happens, don't even think of what you think is going to happen. No excuses. No cop outs. Do you even get the point I made? This isn't about confidence and being comfortable about something. Sure, I'll admit that I am a little socially awkward, but what I was saying was that talking to a woman who WORKS AT A PLACE WHO I HAVE MY EYE ON is hard because she is on the clock and there is a good chance that she has dealt with male customers who have hit on her lots of times. Believe me, this isn't about being confident, this is about how my friends just tell me the simple two-word sentence that is no real help when someone has to face a boundary that is when one is a customer and the other person is on the job. Do you think it's worth being slapped with an accusation of harassment just because I have to use my confidence to try talking to her while she is on the job? Or asking her out while she is working? I understand it's all about taking risks, but not if one can get in trouble in the process. This is me trying to be smart in the situation. Now if I see the woman OUTSIDE OF HER WORKPLACE, then it's fair game. I wouldn't really have much of a problem talking to her if I see her when she is not working. She's probably going to end up going out with the guy who talked to her at work co worker or not
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Mozenrath
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Post by Mozenrath on Aug 1, 2014 8:20:42 GMT -5
This post needs to be posted every time we have this thread I have a better idea. How about people just stop making these threads? But we need to figure out what the difference is between nice guys, bad boys, jolly old chaps, new jacks, sad sacks, roughnecks, shit kickers, party animals, homeslices, peachy-keen gents, goodnicks, badnicks, mellow fellows, and dudes with attitude. There's no other way to reduce complicated problems to buzzwords and hashtags. #SorryNotSorryBeingSomethingPeopleSayAsAHelpfulReminderToNEVERTalkToPeopleWhoTalkLikeThat #EspeciallyBecauseIfYouHadAnyRemorseYouWouldBeSorryButYouDontSoYouAreBeingABitOfADoucheIfYouSayThisSorryIHadToVentThisSomehowGirlBye
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Post by Kevin Hamilton on Aug 1, 2014 9:22:42 GMT -5
I will say the sportos, motorheads, geeks, sluts, bloods, wastoids, dweebies, dickheads...they all adore ME.
They think I'm a righteous dude.
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Post by Danimal on Aug 1, 2014 9:24:28 GMT -5
Quite the opposite, really; gaining confidence in yourself is most often incredibly difficult, and it's up to each of us to put the work in to find some level of it. Young men would do well to spend awhile while we're young focusing on learning about ourselves and the world around us; learn what interests you in life, what makes you happy, indulge in some new hobbies, read a few books on subjects you don't know a lot about, travel wherever you can (even short road trips), experience things and learn what those things really mean to you. This builds confidence; you feel comfortable in what your interests are, and can show passion when discussing them, two things that lead to conversation, more social interaction, more self-assuredness. It's not easy to do, and it takes a lot of time and dedication, but it's on each of us to put some of that work in instead of just kind of hanging back and thinking somebody will, somehow, randomly feel attracted to us. Almost nobody does it perfectly, but it's still an effort that should be made. Agreed. Moving out to a different town where I didn't know anybody right after highschool was the best thing I have ever done. It's a gradual thing for sure and I didn't get a shit ton of confidence over time. You need patience, lots of it and no need to stress over it. It happens naturally through time by doing something. This You have to push yourself in life. Easiest thing in the world to do is stay in your comfort-zone and back away from a challenge, I've been there myself. As you said change won't happen overnight but if you keep making good choices it does happen.
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Post by HMARK Center on Aug 1, 2014 9:26:57 GMT -5
If your worry about asking a girl out has to do with the time/place where you're at (e.g. not wanting to come off like one of the creepy customers at work, wanting to respect her space when she's on the clock, etc.), then just talk to her like you would anybody else at work for awhile. If she seems to enjoy conversation with you, then what's going to be the harm in asking her out later?
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Post by "Gentleman" AJ Powell on Aug 1, 2014 9:28:38 GMT -5
I always wonder in these threads if some people probably could get a girlfriend or whatever, but they prefer to wallow in self pity and act like martyrs because it's easier.
Because real talk, that's how some folks are coming off here.
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