"Hollywood" Cactus Matt
Bill S. Preston, Esq.
You couldn't ask for a better custom title!
How do you spell "Goddess"? C-H-R-I-S-T-Y!
Posts: 15,300
|
Post by "Hollywood" Cactus Matt on Oct 29, 2006 18:11:28 GMT -5
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all go to the OB/Gyn for pregnancy exams. The doctor asks the brunette, "When your baby was conceived, were you on top or on bottom?"
"I was on top," she replied.
"You will have a boy," the doctor told her matter-of-factly.
The redhead gets asked the same question, and answers, "I was on bottom."
"You will have a girl," the doctor responds.
Finally figuring out what's going on, the blonde asks, "So, does that mean I'm going to have puppies?"
Eh, not quite "tasteless," but I always appreciate a good "dumb blonde" joke.
|
|
|
Post by Superstar SBL on Oct 29, 2006 19:45:18 GMT -5
Q- What Happened when Jesus went to Mount Olive?
A- Popeye beat the shit out of him.
|
|
polexia
Don Corleone
keep bleeding love...
Posts: 1,760
|
Post by polexia on Oct 29, 2006 19:53:31 GMT -5
how do u drowned a blond
tell her there a stratch sniff sticker at the bottom of the pool
|
|
|
Post by Virt McGirt on Oct 29, 2006 20:15:33 GMT -5
Q- What Happened when Jesus went to Mount Olive? A- Popeye beat the crap out of him. hehehe, Butt-Head tried to say that one on "Beavis & Butt-Head", but kept messing it up. Thanks for posting the real version. ![;)](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/wink.png)
|
|
MolotovMocktail
Grimlock
Home of the 5-time, 5-time, 5-time, 5-time 5-time Super Bowl Champion 49ers-and Wrestlemania 31
Posts: 13,997
|
Post by MolotovMocktail on Oct 29, 2006 20:22:27 GMT -5
Q: What do Princess Di and Pink Floyd have in common? A: Their last big hit was The Wall.
Q: What do Princess Di and Freddie Mercury have in common? A: Both had to die to get away from Queen.
Q: What did the Queen buy Fergie for her birthday? A: A black Mercedes and a trip to Paris.
Q: Why did Dodi al-Fayed want his bodyguard driving? A: He was afraid someone might try to kill them.
Q: Why was Di's car going so fast? A: She was late for her flying lesson with John Denver.
Q: What do TLC and Sammy Davis Jr. have in common? A: Both lost a Left Eye in a car crash.
Q: What was the most tragic thing about Left Eye's death? A: The rest of the band wasn't in the car with her.
Q: What did Andre Rison say the morning of Left Eye's death? A: Why has my insurance suddenly gone down?
Q: What's 8 inches long and makes a woman scream? A: Stillbirth.
Q: What's red and crawls up your leg? A: An abortion with homesickness.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Oct 29, 2006 20:27:11 GMT -5
Whats the difference between Christopher Reeve and Superman? Chrsitopher Walken (Yep were all goin 2 hell 4 postin these) That's terrible. ![:(](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/sad.png) I mean, I hear Christopher Reeves used to be a real stand up guy.
|
|
|
Post by Shy Guy on Oct 29, 2006 20:28:50 GMT -5
what do you call burn remains on top of the stairs?
christopher reeves in a house fire
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Oct 29, 2006 20:35:23 GMT -5
That's the last time i'll have sex with a girl in the morgue. I mean, talk about a dead lay.
|
|
|
Post by Virt McGirt on Oct 29, 2006 20:39:16 GMT -5
This joke was written like 10 or 11 years ago (or at least that's about how long ago I heard it ![;)](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/wink.png) ), so it wasn't in bad taste at the time, but might be considered so now: "So I was walking down the street, and some guy said, 'Lady Di'! So I said, 'Oh that's sweet, most people say I look more like Sandy Duncan. Turns out he was just giving me instructions." - Wendy Liebman
|
|
|
Post by Pierre the Renaissance Man on Oct 29, 2006 20:39:42 GMT -5
How do they know it wasnt A Rod that crashed into a building? Cuz he cant hit anything in october. i second the "winner" motion. or notion. whatev. Thank you Thank you ill be here all night. By the way I mean I knew the Yankee pitchers have no control, but that was a little ridiculous.
|
|
|
Post by Pierre the Renaissance Man on Oct 29, 2006 20:51:10 GMT -5
A ____ guy and a ___ guy jump off a cliff. Who wins? Society (Just put in any group to satisfy your needs.)
What do you say if you see your tv moving in the middle of the nite? Put that down Cryme Tyme.
A little blind girl goes up to her mum and says, "Mummy, mummy, when will I be able to see?" Her mum replies "I'll tell you what, I'll take you to the chemist and get you some special cream for your eyes and you will be able to see in the morning." So off they went to the chemist, got the cream, and went home, all the while the little girl was getting more and more excited at the prospect of being able to see again. Once they got home, the mother put the cream on the little girls eyes, wrapped a bandage around her head, and took her to bed. The following morning the little girl stumbled into her mums bedroom and excitedly shouted "Quick mummy, take off the bandage so that i will be able to see again." So the mother slowly took of all the bandages, taking her time, and all the while the little girl was getting more and more excited. Once they were off the little girl said "But mummy, I still can't see." To which the mother replied, "April fool!"
|
|
Lord Rahl
Dennis Stamp
O-H-I-O!!
Posts: 4,753
|
Post by Lord Rahl on Oct 29, 2006 21:16:33 GMT -5
3 blondes walk through the woods and come across some tracks.
"Oh look, rabbit tracks," says the first blonde.
"Those aren't rabbit tracks," says the second blonde, "those are Bear tracks."
"You're both wrong," said the third blonde," those are..." right as a train smacks into them.
|
|
Doomrider
Hank Scorpio
I wanna bang Marla.
Posts: 6,058
|
Post by Doomrider on Oct 29, 2006 21:50:22 GMT -5
Q: What do you call Freddie Mercury in a wheelchair? A: Rollaids
Q: What did Jesus say as he was being nailed to the cross? A: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!!!
|
|
|
Post by mcclanahan on Oct 29, 2006 21:58:28 GMT -5
Why didn't they crucify baby Jesus? I don't know why they didn't either.
What's blue and flies around the room at high speeds? A baby with a punctured lung.
What's red and goes round and round? A baby in a garbage disposal.
What's the difference between a dead baby and a peanut butter cup? The dead baby won't stick to the roof of your mouth.
What's the difference between a truck full of bowling balls and a truck full of dead babies? You can't unload a truck full of bowling balls with a pitchfork.
Why do you unload a truck full of babies with a pitchfork? So you can tell which ones are still alive.
What's present do you get for a dead baby? A dead puppy.
How many dead babies does it take to make a bottle of baby oil? It depends on how hard you squeeze them.
What's worse than a dead baby in a trashcan lid? A trashcan lid in a dead baby.
Why did the dead baby cross the road? It was chained to a bumper
What is pink and red and sits in a corner? A baby chewing on razor blades.
What's red, screams and goes around in circles? A baby with its foot nailed to the floor.
What does a blind, deaf, quadriplegic baby can get for Christmas ? Cancer.
What's red and lies in all four corners of the room? A baby that's been playing with a chainsaw.
How are babies and the elderly alike? Both are fun to throw out of moving cars.
What bounces up and down at 100mph? A baby tied to the back of a truck
|
|
|
Post by Pierre the Renaissance Man on Oct 29, 2006 22:00:23 GMT -5
What did the INRI sign above Jesus satnd for?
Im Nailed Right In
|
|
PSJ
Don Corleone
If I could wake up in a different place, at a different time, could I wake up as a different person?
Posts: 1,657
|
Post by PSJ on Oct 29, 2006 22:16:28 GMT -5
Q)What did the tanning woman say to Michael Jackson at the beach?
A)Excuse me sir, would you please get out of my son?
My buddy bought a new sound system for his truck. Damn technology is gettin outta control. We're drivin down the road, hes tellin me all about the thing, how its 100% voice activated and all. Im not buyin' the story so he says "ON"... and the damn thing comes on. Im kinda laughin, thinkin he just used the remote. He says "Metal" and viola, Atreyu comes on. He says "Rap" and wouldnt you know it.... rap music starts playin. Hes all "ha ha ha I told ya it worked!" About that time a kid on a bike comes out in front of us and I say "f***IN KIDS!".... and blam, were jammin to Michael Jackson.
Q)How many mexicans does it take to screw in a light bulb? A) At least two ya moron, theyd have to be small though.
Q)How do you get a Michigan grad off your porch? A)Pay for the pizza.
|
|
|
Post by G✇JI☈A on Oct 29, 2006 22:19:18 GMT -5
The Hilton sisters where walking past a morgue one day. And Paris turns to Nikki and says 'Hey lets stop here and suck down a cold one'.
|
|
|
Post by Andrew is Good on Oct 29, 2006 22:38:15 GMT -5
Why did Michael Jackson go to Wal-mart?
He heard boys pants were half off.
|
|
|
Post by Virt McGirt on Oct 29, 2006 22:40:14 GMT -5
What's the worst part about having sex with a minor?
Blood in the diaper.
*Blame Jackie "The Jokeman" Martling for that one*
|
|
Lord Rahl
Dennis Stamp
O-H-I-O!!
Posts: 4,753
|
Post by Lord Rahl on Oct 29, 2006 22:47:51 GMT -5
What's the worst part about having sex with a minor? Blood in the diaper. *Blame Jackie "The Jokeman" Martling for that one* Jackie OWNS. He has a show on Howards channel on Sirius radio.
|
|