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Post by Virt McGirt on Oct 29, 2006 22:53:24 GMT -5
What's the worst part about having sex with a minor? Blood in the diaper. *Blame Jackie "The Jokeman" Martling for that one* Jackie OWNS. He has a show on Howards channel on Sirius radio. Hehehe, I know. That's where I got the "don't fall in the hole" joke from earlier. Had to clean it up though, cuz, to say this place isn't as lenient with censorship as SIRIUS'd be an understatement. Not that I'm whining, just saying...
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Post by Pierre the Renaissance Man on Oct 29, 2006 22:51:55 GMT -5
Another A Rod joke.
Who bats after A Rod?
The other team
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Bill.
ALF
Miser Brothers > Rated RKO
Posts: 1,185
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Post by Bill. on Oct 29, 2006 23:29:44 GMT -5
Q: What song was playing on the radio when Princess Diana died?
A: "Detroit Rock City" by KISS
Meh.
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Post by Tonto Goldstein on Oct 29, 2006 23:46:33 GMT -5
What were Princess Di's final words?
"What the hell is everyone staring at, I'm just a bloody princess!"
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Post by Dr. Marzvon Zombie M.D. on Oct 29, 2006 23:51:49 GMT -5
What was Elvis's final word...
S*** ;D
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Post by Tonto Goldstein on Oct 29, 2006 23:55:59 GMT -5
Hey, you hear Lorena Bobbit died in a car accident?
Yeah, some dick cut her off!
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Spyke the Pacers Fan
El Dandy
Still hates himself for missing the last episode of Murder She Wrote
Go Indiana!
Posts: 8,061
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Post by Spyke the Pacers Fan on Oct 30, 2006 0:13:51 GMT -5
*sigh* I can't belive I'm about to tell a Michael Jackson joke...
So MJ is on a boat with 100 Boy Scouts and their scout master, when suddenly, the boat strikes a rock, and begins to sink. Everyone is in a panic. MJ runs up to the scout master and says "The children! We have to save the children!" The scout master, who is climbing into a lifeboat, replies, "Ahh, f*** the children!" MJ pauses for a bit and replies, "Do you think we have enough time for that?"
Ahh, fine, here's another...
Q: What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag? A: One is not safe for your kids to play with, and the other you use to carry your groceries.
I must point out... I'm surprised no one has mentioned "The Aristocrats" yet.
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Post by Mad Johnny Maxx on Oct 30, 2006 0:14:28 GMT -5
Michael J. "Bobble-head" Fox ;D Which reminds me...with all the campaigning Michael J. Fox has been doing lately, it's still a little shaky whether or not he's going to be able to make Back To The Future 4. *rimshot* But I only jest, kiddios. Lemme tell ya a story about a trip I took awhile back. I was driving through this town and wanted a beer...so I pulled into this bar on the main street and walked in. I figured something was rather odd about this place. The place was packed, but all the bar stools were upside down. Took a look outside and saw the sign said "THE STINKY SHAFT." Ah well...one beer and I was gone...what could it hurt? So I bellied up to the bar, turned the stool right side up and asked the barkeep to get me a drink. In a lisp, he said "I can only serve you a drink if you can tell me the name of your penis." This guy to my right said "mine's named Timex...takes a lickin' and keeps on tickin'." The guy to my right said "And mine's named Chevy...LIKE A ROCK." And the barkeep said "and mine's named Nike...JUST DO IT." So I ponder for a minute and say "OK...here's mine. Mine is named Secret...strong enough for a man, but made for a woman." So I got my beer and figured I'd take a look around the place. I saw the pool tables, but with signs above them. One said GAYS and the other said LESBIANS. I asked myself "OK...what's the difference?" I looked at the lesbians pool tables and sure enough...no balls. I then saw a couple of lesbian vampires walking out of the women's restroom. One said to the other "See you next month!" Me being nosy, I asked one of them what they were doing and she said "fingerpainting." My attention was then turned to the men's room door when I saw coming out...no pun intended...this guy that used to play on the football team at my high school. He played the tight end, but judging by the way he was walking, I think he became a fabulous wide receiver. So I went back to the bar and noticed behind the bar they were selling specially branded Vaseline. There was pictures of missing gerbils on the label. One guy walks up and buys one of the containers of Vaseline and starts rubbing it on his bald head. I said "what the hell ya doin' that for?" He says "Oh, someone told me that if I rub this on my head, my hair will grow back." I said to him "if that was the case, dude, wouldn't you be having a pony tail growing out of your ass?" The barkeep then threw me out. The end.
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Post by G✇JI☈A on Oct 30, 2006 0:28:37 GMT -5
Two dogs where at a vet talking one day on why they are at the Vet.
Dog 1: Well the other day my Owner was told by another owner that I got their dog pregnant. Dog 2: Well congrats on being a father. Dog 1: But now my owner is really mad at me so I'm hear have my balls cut off. Dog 2: Gee thats awful I'm so sorry. Dog 1: Well it could be worse. So anyway whats your story? Dog 2: Well the other Day the hot b***h next door was really getting me randy. And my owner who is a 26 year old blonde girl was wearing a mini skirt and no panties. And when she bent over to feed me I........ Dog 1: I can see where this is going. So you hear to have your balls chopped too? Dog 2: Hell no! I'm hear to have my claws clipped.
Thank you what a great audience.
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Post by Kevwhatshisname on Oct 30, 2006 0:38:39 GMT -5
Here's one my boy said back in highschool. In one of his classes and a woman was speaking about sexual harassment. When she was done my friend said.
"I once saved a girl from getting raped".
The class clapped
"I stopped following her."
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Post by MGH on Oct 30, 2006 0:42:13 GMT -5
What is the difference between Jesus and an oil painting?
It only takes one nail to keep the painting up.
Not mine, but offensive and tasteless none the less!
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Post by G✇JI☈A on Oct 30, 2006 0:43:02 GMT -5
One day three old Nuns where walking threw a dark alley. And then all of a sudden and Flasher jumped out and exposed his junk to the old Nuns. The thirst Nun had a stroke, The second Nun had a stroke...... And the third nun didn't touch it.
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"Hollywood" Cactus Matt
Bill S. Preston, Esq.
You couldn't ask for a better custom title!
How do you spell "Goddess"? C-H-R-I-S-T-Y!
Posts: 15,300
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Post by "Hollywood" Cactus Matt on Oct 30, 2006 1:13:19 GMT -5
A priest and a lawyer are walking down the street when they see a little boy.
The priest turns to the lawyer and says, "Wanna screw him?"
The lawyer says, "Out of what?"
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Cranjis McBasketball
Crow T. Robot
Knew what the hell that thing was supposed to be
Peace Love and Nothing But
Posts: 41,975
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Post by Cranjis McBasketball on Oct 30, 2006 2:26:29 GMT -5
The thread will be locked if I tell all the bad jokes I know.............
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Post by Timmy8271 on Oct 30, 2006 2:55:29 GMT -5
I don't think I can tell the one about Jews, an oven and pizza.
here's a long twisted one:
A little blind girl goes up to her mum and says, "Mummy, mummy, when will I be able to see?" Her mum replies "I'll tell you what, I'll take you to the chemist and get you some special cream for your eyes and you will be able to see in the morning." So off they went to the chemist, got the cream, and went home, all the while the little girl was getting more and more excited at the prospect of being able to see again. Once they got home, the mother put the cream on the little girls eyes, wrapped a bandage around her head, and took her to bed. The following morning the little girl stumbled into her mums bedroom and excitedly shouted "Quick mummy, take off the bandage so that i will be able to see again." So the mother slowly took of all the bandages, taking her time, and all the while the little girl was getting more and more excited. Once they were off the little girl said "But mummy, I still can't see." To which the mother replied, "April fool!"
OWNED
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Post by Mad Johnny Maxx on Oct 30, 2006 6:47:11 GMT -5
Why did Hitler off himself?
He got the gas bill.
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Post by careless on Oct 30, 2006 7:01:35 GMT -5
SPOILER: VERY POOR TASTE-
What did the last girl I had sex with say when we were done? Nothing, she had been dead for weeks by then. Not really a joke just a harsh necrophelia reference. That's not me btw, some creepy old dude told me this one at work one time. To this day I'm still not sure if he was really joking or not. I''m sorry if this offended anyone I just thought it fit the thread's bill.
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Post by Mad Johnny Maxx on Oct 30, 2006 7:09:51 GMT -5
I think it's in vain to apologize for your jokes on here...so far this thread seems to still be going so we haven't hit a major nerve yet.
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Post by careless on Oct 30, 2006 7:16:26 GMT -5
I think it's in vain to apologize for your jokes on here...so far this thread seems to still be going so we haven't hit a major nerve yet. just trying to keep it on the up and up while spiraling downward.
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Post by Superstar SBL on Oct 30, 2006 7:26:26 GMT -5
Q-How do you kill 15 flies in one second A-Smack an ethiopian in the face with a frying pan.
Q-whats the difference between normal sex and anal sex A- One makes your whole week the other makes your hole weak.
Q- Why didn't Kurt Cobain drink. A- One shot will go straight to his head
Q-How was Rod Hulls Funeral A- The Reception was abit crap
Q-Name 2 of Rod hull's favourite fabric softeners A- Arial and Bounce
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