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Post by Rick Raskall on Mar 23, 2007 13:50:15 GMT -5
Howard Finkel: The following contest is scheduled for ONE fall! Makinghis way to the ring, from Charlotte, North Carolina, weighing in at 280 pounds, The Junk Yard Dog!
The Junkyard Dog enters the EWT Arena to a good-sized nostalgic pop, with the chain around his neck. He climbs up to the ring apron and does his patented Junkyard Shuffle, howling all the way.
Gorilla Monsoon: Hello once again everybody, and welcome to another evening of EWT action! I am your host, Gorilla Monsoon, and as always, by my side is the legendary Jesse "The Body" Ventura, and Jesse, what do you think of this upcoming matchup?
Jesse Ventura: I'll tell ya Gorilla, I am really looking forward to seeing another Rick Raskall match. Ever since he broke off his team with Marcus Trunk, it's been nothing but success ever since. Last week he defeated the legendary Jerry Lawler, and he's gonna continue his winning ways tonight against the Junkyard Dog.
Monsoon: I wouldn't be too sure about that, Jesse. Junkyard Dog is about as tough a customer as they come, and you've always got to watch out for that big powerslam, the Thump.
Ventura: The Dog had better watch out, or he's gonna get "thumped" himself!
With that, "Put Your Hands Where My Eyes Can See" begins as Rick Raskall's carriage enters the arena.
Howard Finkel: And his opponent, being carried to the ring by his Plebians of Servitude, from Los Angeles, California, weighing 209 pounds, Rick Raskall!
Gorilla: The Dog has quite the weight advantage on Rick Raskall, nearly 70 pounds!
Ventura: Size means nothing when you're dealing with Rick Raskall, Gorilla. Rick Raskall's game is speed, and a guy with the speed and endurance of Rick Raskall can easily wear down someone as oafish as the Junkyard Dog.
Gorilla: Cut that out, Jesse! The Junkyard Dog is as fine of an athlete as they come.
Raskall enters the ring as his servant girls remove his velour robe. They exit as JYD paces about the ring, waiting for the bell to ring.
DING DING DING!
JYD goes for a test of strength. Raskall takes JYD's left hand, but then tries to turn it into an arm wrench, but he can't muscle JYD's arm over. JYD counters with an arm wrench of his own, then turns it into a hammerlock. Raskall manages to wriggle out of the hold, and turns around as JYD howls to the amusement of the crowd.
Monsoon: That's why the crowd loves him, Jesse!
Ventura: Give me a break, Gorilla. He's just wasting time.
JYD comes at Raskall with a clothesline. Raskall ducks, and hits JYD with a jumping crescent kick. He mockingly howls at JYD.
Monsoon: Now that's uncalled for. Mocking the Junkyard Dog in that fashion!
Raskall gets JYD to his feet, but JYD comes back with punches. JYD hits a clubbing blow to the shoulder, knocking Raskall down. JYD gets down on all fours and waits for Raskall to get up. He then hits Raskall with his patented Junkyard Headbutt. He goes over and makes a cover.
1...2...kickout.
JYD sets up for an other Junkyard Headbutt, but this time Raskall pokes him in the eye. As JYD gets to his feet, Raskall hits him with a gamengiri to the side of the head, dropping JYD to one knee. Raskall runs off the ropes and hits a basement dropkick to JYD's face.
Monsoon: Both feet right in the face of the Dog! And Raskall is looking to finish this one off!
Raskall climbs to the top rope to deliver the Raskall House Special.
Ventura: This is it, Gorilla! It's all over...wait, who's that?
Out of the audience comes Marcus Trunk with a chair!
Gorilla: That's Marcus Trunk! Rick Raskall's former tag team partner! What's he doing out here?
With Raskall still perched on the top rope and oblivious to Trunk's presence, Trunk comes from behind and whacks Raskall in the back with the chair, in full view of the referee, who calls for a disqualification.
DING DING DING!
Howard Finkel: Here is your winner, as a result of a disqualification, Rick Raskall!
Raskall has flopped down to the mat after taking the shot to the back. Trunk enters the ring, menacingly wielding the chair. Raskall is crawling backwards on his hands, then scrambles out of the ring. Trunk drops the chair and leans over the rope, daring Raskall to come back in the ring. The referee is outside, trying to hold Raskall back.
Monsoon: Marcus Trunk is back and is he ever in a sour mood! This can only get more interesting, as we are a few short days from...Wait a minute! What's this?
George "The Animal" Steele enters the ring and picks up the chair! Trunk doesn't see him!
Monsoon: That's George Steele! His match with Marcus Trunk isn't supposed to be until later!
Steele cracks Trunk in the back with the chair! He motions for the referee to enter the ring. The referee makes the count.
1...
2...
...3!
DING DING DING!
Howard Finkel: Here is your winner, George "The Animal" Steele!
Monsoon: What? Did that even count as a match? I didn't even hear a bell!
Ventura: I heard the bell loud and clear, Gorilla! The bell that announced that Marcus Trunk lost the match, and that he was indeed the weak link in the Raskall and Trunk tag team!
Monsoon: I meant the opening bell, Jesse! I should go to Toom E. Dangerously's office right now and have this match stricken from the record!
Trunk gets to his feet, enraged at the decision. He glares at Steele, whose eyes bug out at the sight of Trunk, and he scrambles out of the ring. But while Trunk is chasing Steele away, he is jumped from behind by the Plebians of Servitude. They club away at Trunk, but they don't hold the advantage for long, as Trunk fights back, knocking each of them down with punches. Three of the them roll out of the ring, while the fourth is left to face Trunk's wrath.
Ventura: He needs to get outta there, Gorilla!
Trunk brings the unlucky Plebe to his feet, and whips him right into a Trunk Buster!
Monsoon: Trunk Buster for the unfortunate servant of Rick Raskall!
Trunk brings the Plebe back to his feet, and presses him over his head. He walks over to the ropes, and tosses the Plebe onto the other three standing at ringside. The Plebes scramble to their feet and hightail it out of the arena along with the servant girls. That only leaves Marcus Trunk, and Raskall's golden carriage.
Monsoon: Trunk is eyeing Rick Raskall's golden carriage.
Ventura: It's a fine piece of workmanship, Gorilla. He has a right to be impressed.
After looking at the carriage for a moment, Trunk lifts up one end, and with an incredible effort, hoists the carriage onto his broad shoulders!
Monsoon: He's got the carriage up in the air! That thing must weigh over six hundred pounds!
Ventura: What are you doing?! Put that down!
With a mighty heave, Trunk tosses the carriage off his shoulders, sending it toppling to the floor with a thud, and breaking it into several pieces! Trunk raises his arms and roars as the crowd bursts into wild cheers!
Monsoon: I can't believe what we've just seen, Jesse! The awesome strength of Marcus Trunk is truly a sight to behold!
Ventura: This is awful, Monsoon! Rick Raskall's golden carriage is wrecked! How will he get to the ring now?
Monsoon: He's gonna walk down the aisle, just like every other superstar in the EWT! He's not above every wrestler in this company, like he seems to think he is. And with that, we've got more EWT action, coming up next!
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Post by Ultimo Chocula on Mar 23, 2007 13:52:27 GMT -5
"And now a message from His Royal Highness, The King of EWT, Ultimo Chocula...." (The shot is UC behind a podium, wearing his neon crown and cape over a pair of beat up jeans and a Red Sparowes t-shirt. Behind him is his crown logo and on the front of the podium is the EWT logo. PsyToni Tennille and The Daryl Dragon are on either side of him as UC begins to do that thing he likes to do, which is blab.) UC: "Good morning all my fine EWT enthusiasts! Sunday draws near and with it comes another opportunity for the collective of mightiness of the Ultimo Dragon three to show the world what's up! The Dragon and I, we are about to face our biggest challenge yet! And by biggest I don't mean challenge wise, for our opponents couldn't scare a six year old! No sir, we mean biggest as in they're *BEEP!*ing fat!" Tennille: (in her usual corny manner) "Looks like SOME body has been having seconds..............and thirds...............and twenty fourths!" UC: "And infinitieths, if such a thing exists! Yes peoples, we are facing two freaks of nature! Monstrosities! Abominations in the face of our lord, ME!" Tennille: "And they're not too pretty, either!" UC: "In fact they're downright fugly! But we can't distract ourselves with the unfortunate circumstances surrounding their visual appearance! We have to focus on how exactly we're going to put the bidness to their oversized hams! And in order to that we had to some research, which meant....." Tennille: "We went to the movies! Hit it Daryl!" (Daryl walks over to his keyboard and starts playing a tune as Tennille sings her movie song) Tennille: "Let's all go to the lobby! Let's all go to the lobby! Let's all go to the lobby! And have ourselves some snacks!" (Daryl finishes the tune and stands back at his place next to the podium, a cheesy smile plastered on his face.) UC: "Well done. Now then, we knew that our opponents had recently starred in a flick that was released not too long ago so we thought we'd see what they were capable of. What we found was not too surprising. Our opponents this Sunday, the unholy combo of Mr. Fat and The Umberhulk, were victims of the dreaded...............TYPE CASTING!" Tennille: "I like to think it was the parts they were born to play." UC: "At any rate, when they hit the screen we knew exactly what we were in for, which is fifteen different types of UGLY! First up, we have our old friend The Umberhulk who needed very little make up to make him look like this....." UC: "Yes, there he is, growling and clumsily attacking anything that comes near him. In fact, you can even see him do his lame ass choke slam if you look for it." Tennille: "It's true! He does!" UC: "That he does. But as we watched him swing his over sized limbs around looking for something to hit, it occurred to us that he's not doing anything that we haven't seen before. Which brings us to a few scenes later when his tag team partner Mr. Fat shows up as Xerxes Executioner." Tennille: "And believe me, that's a picture you DON'T want to see! Yeesh!" UC: (under his breath) "It's also impossible to find in a Google search" (back to normal) "Now Mr. Fat has a very demanding role. You see, he raises his arm up over his head. That's quite the vigorous workout for him as he's only used to raising his arm to the mouth level. And once he has his arm up all he does is let gravity do it's job and his arm falls down. End scene." Tennille: "Yucky! There was far too much blood for me! Next time, I pick the movie! When does that delightful Doris Day come out with a new picture?" UC: "Beats me but one thing's for certain, she would prove to be a more formidable foe than two men who get movie roles because they're gruesome to look at! Hatcha! So end the end, what have we learned? We learned that The Umberhulk & Mr. Fat are only good at lookin' ugly and basic thuggery! Which is hardly enough to take on the combined awesomeness that is the Ultimo Dragon! We are a veritable cornucopia of wrestling goodness! We can kick! We can fly! We can lock your joints in a painful manner! We can drop you on your head! We can do pretty much anything, for we are Ultimo Dragon! The grand royal tag team of the future! We got the skills to pay the bills! Bet on it!" Tennille: "Don't do that! Gambling is illegal!" UC: "Daryl, is there anything you'd like to say about the two malformed freakazots?" Daryl: "What sits on your head and has an elevator? A twelve story hat!" UC: "Oh no you didn't!" "The preceding was brought to you by his Royal Highness, The King Ultimo Choculon. We now continue with your broadcast day."
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Post by The Bad Man on Mar 23, 2007 18:09:41 GMT -5
Backstage and Mr. Bad is wobbling back and forth like a beached whale on heroin. Sitting behind this hideous sight is Mr. Big who's face is looking angrier and angrier as he read a magazine. Mr. Big is so furious he shreds the magazine in his hands untill all that is left is the cover which flops to the table.
MR. BIG: I'm going to beat him ...
MR. BAD (Raspy gurgling voice): Yeash
MR. BIG: I'm going to hurt him ...
MR. BAD (Raspy gurgling Voice): Certainly
MR. BIG: I'm going to crack his back vertebrae open ...
MR. BAD (Raspy gurgling voice): Can I do that?
MR. BIG: No you can not! Hurt the other one ... leave him to me ...
Mr. Bad goes to grab the remains of the magazine but Mr. Big stops him with one of his immense arms
MR. BIG: I said leave him to me!!
Mr. Big seems to have some leverage here his eyes almost bloodshot. Mr. Bad just sickeningly grins his dried up face creating more wrinkles than a prune in a desert. Big & Bad walk off out of the room as the camera focuses on the remains of the magazine cover. It is a picture of King Ultimo Chocula and it rests next to a framed photo of The Midget King Curly Long.
(cut to next scene)
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Bedlam LadyD
Samurai Cop
Is a WSX Cupcake. BOOOOOOOM!!
Posts: 2,452
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Post by Bedlam LadyD on Mar 23, 2007 21:11:44 GMT -5
Synthy is simply wondering around backstage, taking in random people. Hoping no one saw her 'attire' a while ago, she's now fully dressed in her wrestling gear, although she doesn't have a match scheduled for tonight. You never know though, right? She's feeling slightly off beat, but thoughtful. Candy Girl catches up to her, video camera drone guy standing right behind her. "Hi-ya! This is Candy Girl here getting any interview with someone as sooon as ..OOH! I'm Candy Girl and this is an interview with newbie Sinny Erisi!" "SynTHy EriS. Mein Gott in Himmel.....who the feck are you?" "I'm Candy Girl! And God Bless you!" It's apparent the woman thought she sneezed. "No thanks." "Erm anyway, as the newest female of EWT, care to hang out after the show?" "Excusi? Why?" "'Cuz you seem interesting! Plus, I wanna know something." "What?" "Why were you running around in a bathing suit a little ago? You looked kinda chunky. Can I say solid colors would work better?" "Dummes Küken. Die Hölle sah ich stämmig aus! Ich sprach auf Deutsch und nieste früher nicht... "Erm...I don't speak Spanish! Anyway, ...." ".....Go on.... ... ?" There is a really long pause as Synthy stares down the other woman. She lifted a dyed blue eyebrow. "WHOA! Your eyebrows are blue! Wait'll I tell my bunny, Sum! He loves weird colored eyebrows!" "What the- girly, are you actually going to attempt an interview or not?" "Yes." ".........Well?" "Well what?" "INTERVIEW OR NOT?" "You can't give me an interview silly! I do that!..........HEY! Your eyebrows are blue!" "Holy- forget it. Chickadee, and I -by all means possible- mean offense by this, but you seriously have the attention span and mental capabilities as a chicken nugget. So get out of my way before I kick your sugar-coated, caramelized, Twinkie behind." Synthy shook her head, stuck her hand on the camera's lens and walked away. "Her hips are kinda swishy! Swish swish swoosh..."Candy Girl stated as her voice faded from Synthy's ears.
She rubbed her hands through her hair, wishing to the stars that she had a an alcoholic beverage of some sort. She walked through the hallways. As Synthy's brain pondered the complexities of several more demented wrestlers than herself(( and keeping a mental note that she had already been mentioned in an upper level guy's promo-SWEET.)) she ran across exactly what she was looking for. Obviously the Green -Irish flag?- decorated cooler belonged to someone, but as no one was around...there was no harm in peeking. Inside she saw not one potent drink mixture. She saw more then several and decided two wouldn't be missed. She quickly lifts them out, glances around and walks away as if nothing had happened. Her sunglasses were pulled down, so she didn't have to worry about 'shifty eye syndrome'. She steps into an abandoned storage closet. Synthy, who wasn't used to drinking all that much, tried the first drink. It was impossible to miss the strong under-taste, but the fruity overkill of the first sip hooked her anyway. Synthy finished it off within fifteen minutes. She did the same thing with the next, this time recognizing the vodka taste. A goofy grin, crazy-looking with the beautiful ruby lipstick, spread across her devilish pixie face. She stood up, stumbled, and walked back out into the arena, not sure if she wanted to fight or hug somebody. Her brain was befuddled, and it was obvious the drinks had been incredibly strong. Seriously hoping not to run into Mr. Toomi or CM Punk, she sunk down low outside of someone's dressing room. She then wondered if she'd wind up doing the same thing that happened last time she had drunk something she wasn't supposed to. Synthy highly doubted it. She hadn't seen any High Voltage signs after all. Her eyes turned to the monitor watching the current action.
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Mar 23, 2007 21:28:38 GMT -5
*Camera cuts to what must be the inside of a house. It is presumably the mansion of Terina, as she is talking to a butler within a hallway, tapestries, paintings and ornaments littering the walls in the sides of the cream-colored corridors.*
Terina: Listen, Paul. I know it's your day off, but I need you to get the desserts set up. My parents are due back here tomorrow evening. Call a caterer, call the chefs here, I don't care. But get a lot of stuff set up and fast. This is their return from their spring business trip, and they need to look and feel their best at the party. I cannot come obviously. Tomorrow and Sunday will be very taxing to me. Alright, you may go now.
*The butler departs as Thunder and Jupiter walk out onto the scene, wearing nothing more than a towel around each of their waists.*
Jupiter: Who was that overdressed slob?
Thunder: And why do you have us in towels?
Terina: That was Paul, Jason. He's not a slob, either. He's been around since before I was born. He busts his ass night in and night out to make sure things run smoothly here.
Jupiter: Hmmm. Most staff don't last that long in my house.
Terina: And Jim, it's part of your resiliency training.
Thunder: Resiliency training?
Terina: Well sure. Go into the sauna in the bathroom...
*She points down the hall, and the camera follows, pointing down to a room with steam billowing out into vents inside a white marble and tile interior, as evidenced by a crack between the door and doorway.*
Terina: ...and sit in there for 3 hours. The heat will be swealtering and uncomfortable after about half an hour, but will not kill you. That's a guarantee.
Jupiter: And sit in the heat for 3 hours, being on the verge of death. We'll listen to most things you say, but I'm not buyin' this one.
Thunder: Besides, how is sitting in a steaming oxygen tent supposed to help us?
Jupiter: It's not an oxygen tent, Jim.
Thunder: I mean it figuratively, Jason. Think I'm dumb?
Jupiter: ...
Thunder: Exactly!
Jupiter: I'm still not going in.
Terina(seductively): This is important training, guys. It seems dumb, but a number of spiritualist and ancient-technique doctors say it really works. Now if you two go in and stay for the three hours, and you win your match, I'll give you a bit of a reward when all is said and done.
Jupiter: Hot damn, I'm--
*Footsteps can be heard as Jack Jupiter runs up the stairs and into the bathroom, tossing off his shirt and grabbing a towel off a rack in the bathroom.*
Thunder: Mmmmkay...
Jupiter: Sad boy. Anyway I'm going in. You coming with, Jim?
Thunder: Sure. I might gain a few things from this all.
*Thunder has a bit of a daydream:
Newscaster: Thunder scandal update--Jimmy sleeps in an oxygen tent, which he believes gives him straaaaange sexual powers.
Thunder shudders for a moment.*
Thunder: HEY! THAT'S A HALF TRUTH!
Jupiter: Whuh?
Thunder: Er.....I'm in!
*Thunder and Jupiter walk into the room, and shut the door. Terina smiles for a moment, and pulls out a notepad.*
Terina: Alright, now for the party supplies...
*She walks out of view as the camera cuts to our next segment.*
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Post by Spankymac is sick of the swiss on Mar 24, 2007 0:02:31 GMT -5
*Scene enters on an italian eatery, with only one man sitting inside at a table. He begins to speak* Hello, my name is Chucky Gambino, and I go by the nickname "One Man Mafia". Pretty soon, the wrestlers of the EWT are gonna be getting an offer, an offer that they can't refuse. See ya soon *Scene fades to black*
COMING SOON: "The One Man Mafia" Chucky Gambino
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The Line
Patti Mayonnaise
Real Name: Bumkiss. Stanley Bumkiss.
Peanut Butter & JAAAAAMMMM!
Posts: 36,698
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Post by The Line on Mar 24, 2007 14:02:14 GMT -5
The Bulldogs are already in the ring, and "No Quarter" by Led Zepplin plays
RA: Being accompanied by Mike Ragnal, weighing it at a combined 460 lbs, "Sinnercidal" Jonathan Doe and "Insecticidal" Andy Duke, THE CIDAL SQUAD.
The bell rings, and here we go. The Squad obviously wants to make this match quick, just because the bulldogs are tough, but also so they can focus on Mike's World Title Match for tomorrow. I am interested to see what Duke does. Lately, he has been quite upset about not being booked on Tomorrow's PPV.
Doe and Davey start it out. Lock up in the center of the ring, and Doe hits Davey Boy with a huge backbreaker. He gets Davey in a choke.
1 2 3 4
Doe breaks up the choke before the count of 5. Davey Boy with a dropkick to Doe's knee, and tags Dynamite Kid. Stereo punches by the Bulldogs, and it looks like the Bulldogs now have control over this match. A dropkick by the Bulldogs, and Doe falls back into his own corner, tagging in Duke, who looks quite pissed off.
Duke comes into the ring, and he is on fire. Firing shots on both Bulldogs. Knocks Dynamite down, and big LARIAT on Davey, knocking him out of the ring. He know focuses on Dynamite, and hits him with a LARIAT! He might be out cold!
Duke now gets on top of Dynamite, and is firing elbows into the eye and nose area of Dynamite! This is insane. Blood is just pouring out of Dynamite's nose! He now switches to an armbar. Normally, you'd tap out to this move, but Dynamite is knocked out cold! The ref goes to check on Dynamite, and calls for the bell!
RA: Your winners, by referees discretion, THE CIDAL SQUAD!
Duke doesn't even wait for his hand to be raised. He just leaves. I have never seen him quite like this, in the 4 or 5 months he has been here in EWT. You better to believe that he sent a message to EWT management.
Winners: Cidal Squad
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Post by teamireland on Mar 24, 2007 15:42:05 GMT -5
*Don "The Rock" Muraco is in the ring awaiting the arrival of his opponent for the evening.*
*"I'm Shipping Up To Boston" by Dropkick Murphys starts playing & the crowd heartily boos the arrival of Shane Malone* David Penzer: The following contest is scheduled for one fall with a 20 minute time limit. Making his way to the ring, being accompanied by Coach O'Hare, weighing in at 297lbs, from Galway, Ireland, "The Celtic Giant", SHANE... MALONE!
*Team Ireland's pyro explodes on the stage behind them. Malone looks on, focussed, as O'Hare struts about, smirking a wee bit.*
DING-DING!
*Malone gets into the ring as he & "The Rock" start to square up. Muraco whips big Shane to the ropes & catches him with a shoulder block upon his return. Shane immediately sits back up & whips Muraco to the ropes. Shane levels Muraco with a Spinebuster, but doesn't cover. Shane whips "The Rock" into a corner & follows up with a splash. Or at least he tries to. Muraco dodges Shane's splash attempt. Don follows up with a clothesline, but it doesn't take the big man down. Muraco goes to clothesline Shane again, but the "Celtic Giant" catches him.*
*Shane knees Muraco in the gut & picks him up for a suplex. Shane holds Muraco in the air for an age before switching him around to his shoulder & dropping Muraco with a Powerslam. Shane still doesn't pin Muraco yet. He drags the Hawaiian to his feet & hefts him up for an "Irish Car Bomb". But before Malone can get it doen. Muraco slips down Shane's back & attempts a schoolboy...*
1...
2...
KICKOUT!
*That was a bit too close for O'Hare's liking & he lets Shane know it. O'Hare gets on the apron & starts yelling. The ref is trying to get him away. Muraco is distracted by all this commotion & turns his back on Shane Malone... Big Mistake! Malone destroys Muraco with a "Dragon Slayer"! & covers...*
1...
2...
3!
DING-DING-DING! *"I'm Shipping Up To Boston" starts again as Malone & O'Hare make their way to the back.*
*Malone & O'Hare return to the locker room where Aidan & Sean await them.* O'Hare: Aaah, lads. Isn't it great to be us. Our matches from this week are all sorted... Sean: What about Liam? O'Hare: OUR matches for this week are all sorted & the Tag-Team titles will remain in our possession for quite some time yet. Now to have a little pre-PPV celebration. Aidan, get the booze there...
*Aidan goes to a table near the door.*
Aidan: Hould on... SOME OF THE DRINKS ARE MISSING HERE! O'Hare: WHAT?! I'll bet it was that feckin' Liam gobs***e! THAT'S IT!!! THIS ENDS NOW!
*O'Hare leaves, grasping his hurley & with a face like thunder as we cut to the next segment.*
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Post by Hulkshi Tanahashi on Mar 24, 2007 20:58:23 GMT -5
Howard Finkel: Our next match is scheduled for one fall. Coming down to the ring, at 6 foot 7 inches, and weighting 275 lbs, from Mud Lick, KY: HILLBILLY JIM. *Hillbilly Jim walks to the rings as the fans cheer loudly for him. He enters the ring.* Gorilla Monsoon: Well, this should be an interesting bout as Hillbilly Jim will take on that crazy comic, “The Comedian” Bobby Riggs. Bobby Heenan: He’s not crazy, Monsoon. He just has a peculiar sense of humor. Monsoon: PECULIAR SENSE OF HUMOR. He has attacked two announcers. Heenan: But he did it in a funny way. Monsoon: WILL YOU STOP!!!!? *The Comedian's music plays.* www.youtube.com/watch?v=2a423fqOrpAFinkel: And, his opponent, coming down to the ring, at 6 foot 6 inches, and weighing 290 lbs, from Los Angeles, CA: “THE COMEDIAN” BOBBY RIGGS. *The crowd boos loudly as Comedian walks to the ring, while holding a bag in one had and a box with holes on the top. He ignores them, puts the back and box next to Finkel, and enters the ring.* Monsoon: What is in that bag and box Riggs brought out? Heenan: I don’t know. Maybe he’s a prop comic. *The bell rings, and Hillbilly Jim and Comedian lock up. Jim pushes Comedian down, but the Comedian gets back up. Jim punches him several times into the ropes, Irish whips him across the ring, and hits a clothesline. The Comedian gets up, but Jim takes him down with another clothesline.* Monsoon: Looks like Hillbilly Jim is getting the better of the Comedian. Heenan: Right now he is, but I have a feeling the Comedian will have the last laugh. *Jim puts the Comedian into a corner and goes for a bulldog. However, the Comedian catches him and rams Hillbilly Jim into the adjacent corner.* Monsoon: What a counter from “The Comedian” Bobby Riggs. Heenan: I betcha Hillbilly Jim was in the comforting arms of his wife/sister. Monsoon: WILL YOU STOP!!!! *With Hillbilly Jim still straddling the second turnbuckle, the Comedian grabs Jim’s hair, pulls him down, and drops his other elbow onto Jim’s throat. The Comedian hooks Jim’s leg and goes for the pin.* *1…2…Hillbilly Jim puts his foot on the bottom rope.* *The Comedian picks up Hillbilly Jim, leans him against the ropes, and Irish whips him across the ring. He then catches Jim into an inverted atomic drop and hits him with a discus punch.* Monsoon: Inverted atomic drop, followed by a discus punch. He calls that “The Setup and the Punchline.” *Heenan laughs* Monsoon: Why are you laughing? Heenan: It was a punchline. *Monsoon rolls his eyes.* Heenan: You know, to a joke. Monsoon: Why do you encourage this? Heenan: Why DON’T you encourage this? *The discus punch knocks Hillbilly Jim to the far ropes. The Comedian runs over to Jim and hits him with a lariat.* Monsoon: Comedian hits Jim with a lariat, which he calls “The Funny Bone,” though I highly doubt Jim found it funny. Heenan: I did. Monsoon: You WOULD. *The Comedian runs across the ring, runs back to where he was, jumps over the top rope, and hits Hillbilly Jim with a suicide dive. He then Irish whips Jim into the steel steps and throws Jim back into the ring. The Comedian climbs onto the apron and waits for Jim to get up. Jim does, and the Comedian hits Jim with a shoulder thrust.* Monsoon: The Comedian is really giving it to Hillbilly Jim. Heenan: Yeah, The Comedian is really killing out there. Monsoon: WILL YOU STOP. *The Comedian picks up Hillbilly Jim and hits with a brainbuster. Then, he picks Jim up into an powerbomb position, drops him throat-first across the top rope, and then rolls Hillbilly Jim into a pin.* *1…2…3.* Monsoon: Mercifully, this one is over. Finkel: The winner of the match by pinfall: “THE COMEDIAN” BOBBY RIGGS. *The Comedian leaves the ring and grabs the mic from Finkel along with the bag and box he brought out. He gets back in the ring and puts the bag and box down. Hillbilly Jim gets back up, but the Comedian takes him down again with another brainbuster.* Comedian: You know, when I was a comedian, I use to tour the South. And, I HATED IT. Those freaking dumbass hicks never got my jokes. Then, I came up with my new act. *The Comedian smiles, evilly.* When I came up with, I was in the South; and I figured they would love this new act. I mean, hell, they have the education of mildly retarded child; and I wasn’t spouting out great social commentary and biting satire. I was just beating the crap out of people; they would get this. But, they still HATED me. I didn’t get it. They must have been on moonshine or something. *He walks over to the bag and pulls out a jug with the word moonshine on it. He then walks over to the unconscious Hillbilly Jim.* Comedian: Like this guy, for example. He probably only wants to *begins to talk with a Southern accent* drink moonshine and watch Larry the Cable Guy say “GET-R-DONE!” Isn’t that right? You want some of this White Lightning!!!! *He opens the jug and begins to pour moonshine down Hillbilly Jim’s throat. He then walks over to the box.* Comedian, still speaking with a Southern accent: You probably think I’m crazier than a pet ‘coon!!!! *speaking normally* Well, to be honest with you people, I never understood what the hell that means…until I found one!!!! *The Comedian opens the box and pulls out a rabid-looking raccoon. He then throws the raccoon onto Hillbilly Jim, who immediately struggles with the wild animal as it attacks him. The referee goes to help Jim, while the Comedian leaves the ring, laughing the whole time.* Comedian: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Monsoon: What is wrong with this guy? Heenan: Nothing! He’s hilarious! Monsoon: YOU FOUND THAT FUNNY!!!!? Heenan: Yeah. DIDN’T YOU!!!!?
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Ass Dan
King Koopa
Curious about extra lines
Have you seen me?
Posts: 12,259
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Post by Ass Dan on Mar 24, 2007 22:10:44 GMT -5
The sounds of Klepacki's 'Hell March' plays. Joe One comes out to boos.
WE WANT WAR! WAKE UP!
Announcer: The following contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, from Airstrip One, weighing in at 234 lbs., Joe One!
More boos from the peanut gallery.
Announcer: And, already in the ring, from Kansas City, Missouri, weighing in at 245 lbs., "The King", Harley Race!
The crowd applaudes Race as One enters the ring. The referree checks both men and calls for the bell.
*ding ding ding*
One and Race stare each other down. They lock up, and Joe hits an elbow to the gut. One lands a European uppercut, and then another European uppercut. He Irish whips Race into the ropes and picks up Race in the fireman's position. However, instead of going for a Michinoku Driver II, he instead gives Race an airplane spin.
After 10 seconds of airplane spinning, One lands a sick DVD on Race. One quickly locks in the Sleeper Hold, which Race soon taps out to.
*ding ding ding*
Announcer: Here is your winner, Joe One!
One’s hand gets raised as he gives the ‘V’ sign with his arms. He demands a microphone, which he is given.
One: After this Sunday, I will never have to fight any more washed-up proles or false icons.
The crowd boos from this comment.
One: Because I guarentee a victory over Rated X. It is impossible for me to lose. And with Mr. Ragnal taking care of that Duckspeaker Merc. It is how the Nine Orders will be done. Resistance is irrelivant.
One drops the microphone and goes to the back as we...
*CUT TO COMMERCIAL*
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Post by Tha Kid Joker on Mar 25, 2007 1:04:19 GMT -5
Fade into the arena where Sam Houston is already in the ring, stretching. In the ring with him is the announcer, who is prepared to announce Sam's opponent.
Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, this next match-up is scheduled for one fall, and is for the EWT Ox-Division Championship! Already standing in the ring, weighing in at 222 lbs... of course, part of this weight is the pressure of envy that he'll never be nearly as famous as his half-brother, Jake "The Snake" Roberts... he hails from Tampa, Florida... Sam Houston!
Sam Houston gets a few slow claps from the crowd, but nothing too loud. He awaits his opponent patiently, before...
"You and me baby, Ain't nothin' but mammals, So let's do it like they do, on the Discovery Channel..."
"Bad Touch" by The Bloodhound Gang starts up, and the crowd is kind of confused. Having never heard this music used as a theme before, they don't really know what to expect, but eventually Crauswell stumbles out from the back. He stops for a moment, and a few gasps are heard from the fans once they realize that he is wearing his suit once more.
Joey Styles: Welcome back to EWT folks, and check it out: Crauswell has found his Gryphon suit!
JBL: It appears that he has. Sucks, because I was hoping for some more hilarious backstage segments from Cassinova featuring that costume. I wonder how he got it back, and did he figure out that it was Cass that took it?
Joey Styles: I'm not sure, but he's got it, and I bet he's overjoyed that he can now focus on his match with Cassinova this Sunday.
JBL: I've gotta hand it to him, he does what needs to be done to get what he wants. And look, he's so confident that he's going to win this one, he didn't even bring his title to the ring tonight!
The crowd boos heavily when Crauswell walks out, partly because of Crauswell himself and partly because of the wretched (and incredibly goofy) theme music that he's using tonight. Crauswell adjusts the mask and brushes off his costume for a few seconds, before walking down to the ring and climbing inside.
Announcer: Introducing the champion, weighing in at 272 lbs... he is the EWT Ox-Division Champion... Crauswell!
Crauswell gets into the ring as his music fades out, and Sam Houston walks around the ring, preparing to fight. The referee calls for the bell, and Sam Houston immediately rushes Crauswell. Crauswell simply holds his hand out to him, telling him to halt, which Houston complies to. Crauswell follows this up by backing away from Houston, and...
Dancing? Apparently so, as Crauswell begins to break-dance (B-Boy style) in the middle of the ring. He does it all: The moonwalk, the helicopter spin, and finishes it all off with one of those "spin-on-your-back-multiple-times-and-end-it-with-a-spiffy-stance" moves. The crowd gives a "Holy S***!" chant as Crauswell stands up and folds his arms in a B-Boy stance, staring at Sam Houston. The crowd's chants slowly form into a "You Got Served!" chant, and Sam Houston is confused to say the least.
JBL: What... was that...?
Styles: I... I'm speechless....
Crauswell then walks over to Houston, gives him a very affectionate hug, and lays down on the mat to be pinned. Craus awaits his impending defeat, but Houston just stands there and glares at him. It seems as if Houston has had it with the antics, and stomps on Crauswell's stomach!
Styles: Did Crauswell just attempt to throw the fight?
JBL: I am so very confused right now...
Houston stomps him a few more times as Crauswell attempts to stand up. He eventually makes it to his feet, and Houston attempts a punch to the face. Crauswell blocks it, and delivers a hard punch of his own! He throws another one, and another, before absolutely leveling him with a lariat! Houston falls on his neck and rolls around in pain, as Crauswell climbs to the turnbuckle.
JBL: I think Houston was better off accepting the easy win!
Crauswell sizes up Houston, before leaping off of the turnbuckle with a corkscrew version of Taking Flight! Following the headbutt, Crauswell pins...
1...
2...
Houston kicks out. Crauswell is unscathed and picks Houston back up. Houston attempts to fight back with elbows, but Crauswell knees him in the stomach and sends him to the mat with a Rocker Dropper! Crauswell follows this up by lifting up Houston and backing up before nailing him in the throat with a leg lariat! Houston falls and Crauswell stays on top of him for a pin...
1...
2...
Houston once again kicks out. This fight is becoming more and more one-sided, as it appears that Crauswell is absolutely pissed now. Craus picks Houston up, but Houston surprises him with an uppercut to the beak! Crauswell isn't hurt, but the force of the punch sends him sprawling backwards into the turnbuckle. Houston runs towards Crauswell and attempts a splash, but Crauswell moves out of the way, causing Houston to bang his chest against the turnbuckle pretty hard. Houston holds his chest and stumbles backwards, before Crauswell grabs him from behind and flips him with a German suplex! Houston once again lands on his neck and rolls out of the ring in pain. Crauswell wastes no time before running towards the ropes nearest to Houston, stepping on the bottom rope, followed by the middle rope, and finally the top rope. He then springboards and performs a shooting star press onto Houston!
JBL: Woah! I've never seen Crauswell do that!
Styles: Neither have I! But I do know someone I've seen do that a few times before, though...
Crauswell stands up and rolls Houston back into the ring. He climbs in after him and stomps on him a few times, before giving a cut throat motion. He picks Houston up and grabs him by the throat before attempting to give him the Beak Buster! Houston desperately kicks at Crauswell until he lets him go, and headbutts him in the beak. This backfires, as the beak pokes Houston in the eye, causing him to fall to the ground and yell out in pain. Crauswell seems unaffected, and gives the motion once more. This time he picks him up and puts him in the DDT position, before...
Delivering The California DreamDriver?!
Styles: Flip DDT by Crauswell!
JBL: Hey, that's my man Cassinova's move! He can't do that, can he?
Crauswell gives a very awkward version of his signature taunt, before spreading his arms like Randy Orton: Cassinova's main taunt. "Crauswell" then goes over to make the pin on Houston...
Before "HUBOON Stomp" by Devo begins to play, and a man wearing deep red wrestling attire, black boots, a Pikachu mask (with his body painted to match the mask), and the Ox-Division title runs out from the back! "Crauswell" bails, and this man slides into the ring.
JBL: Is that... Crauswell?
Styles: Yeah, the actual Crauswell!
JBL: So you mean, the person in the mask is... is...
The real Crauswell glares at the impostor backing up the ramp, before turning his attention to Sam Houston. He stares at him for a while, before picking him up and applying the Cross Face Gryphon Wing! It's not long before the referee figures out that Houston has been rendered unconscious, and decides to not even think about the situation too hard and calls for the bell.
Announcer: Here's your winner... and still EWT Ox-Division Champion... uh... Crauswell! I think...
Crauswell immediately jumps out of the ring and stalks the impostor, who begins to back up more quickly now. The fake Craus gets about halfway up the ramp, before tripping and hitting the ground hard. The mask falls off of him and rolls off to the side, and to the surprise of no one (except of course, Crauswell), Cassinova is revealed to be inside.
JBL: It's Cass!
Styles: Cassinova has been the one mocking Crauswell in the suit that he stole from him? I apologize for my sarcasm, but what a surprise...
Crauswell is absolutely livid, and once again begins to stalk Cass. Cassinova immediately stands and slowly begins to take off Craus's costume. Crauswell watches in interest as Cass lays it on the ground as a declaration of peace. This seems to put Crauswell at ease, and Cass backs off as Crauswell collects the items making up his Gryphon costume and puts them on. He seems very content, and Cassinova salutes him before beginning to back up the ramp once more. To his chagrin, Crauswell begins to stalk him once more. He figures he can get to the back and make it into his awaiting limosine before Crauswell can get to him, so he doesn't panic much. As he makes his way to the back, the crowd begins to cheer wildly for seemingly no reason. Cass ignores them as he keeps his eyes on Crauswell...
...Right before he backs right into Spaz.
JBL: Uh oh...
Spaz is backed by his teammates: Eddie Omega, Marcus Trunk, Mysth and Aaron Chamblis. Cassinova sighs and knows that his impending doom stands behind him, and turns around to face them. Spaz and his team crack their knuckles and prepare to attack, while Cassinova attempts to fast-talk them into not beating him to a pulp.
Styles: Things aren't looking good for young Cassinova here...
No. No they aren't. With Crauswell behind him, and Team Spaz in front of him, Cass is in between a rock and a hard place. He sighs and ponders to himself for a moment, before yelling "F*** the world!" and punching Aaron Chamblis in the face! Chamblis recoils back before giving Cass a haymaker that knocks him to the ground! It's not long before the entire Team Spaz (along with Crauswell) jumps Cassinova, much to the crowd's delight. Cass is attempting to block the stomps and punches, before Team Ratings spills out from the back!
JBL: Here comes the cavalry!
Tutor Tyreese, Rick Raskall, and of course, Ratings all run out from behind the curtain. Spyke Johannson walks slowly behind and watches the ongoings from on top of the ramp, and Principal Pain is screaming for Tyreese to choke Eddie Omega out. The whole thing turns into a huge brawl, and everything turns into chaos. Marcus Trunk and Rick Raskall scrap, Tutor Tyreese and Eddie Omega brawl with eachother, Crauswell and Aaron Chamblis double-team Cassinova, Ratings and Spaz trade punches, and Mysth has even picked a fight with Spyke Johannson at the top of the ramp. After a while of this, tons and tons of referees and security run out from the back and attempt to separate the huge brawl--to no avail.
Styles: Nitro brawl!
JBL: Oh man, these guys are going to steal the show at Dead Man Walking!
Fists are flying everywhere as the entire scene becomes really thick all of a sudden. More backstage officials spill out from the back, as well as wrestlers, managers, concession stand workers, and anyone else they can get to come attempt to break everything up. The brawl continues with no real winner, and the officials continue to attempt to break everything up as we...
FADE TO COMMERCIAL
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Post by dorf on Mar 25, 2007 1:05:42 GMT -5
*Camera is lit to a dark place. A character turns on some lights, but is still dark enough to give the character a silouette. A candle is now lit and dorf walks into the briefly, dark light.*
Dorf: Tomorrow....I have a shot with that
*normal voice*
dirty
disgustng
brutal
bottom-feeding
trash-bag
idiot son of a b**** ape love. Somebody has got to get some sense into him and bah gawd, even if I have to...I will kick his ass. For what you have done to me, you have this strange bond that not only violates 9/10ths of everything I do not stand for, but this also factors in what you did to the Cheese Sandwich freak...Heiden-Dorf.
But....this 1/10th of everything says just screw it, he's my partner for this tag-match tomorrow and I have not received a shot since Symphony of Destruction which was held in EWTs second-ever Megadeth. In fact, having a Triple Crown Champion such as Ape Love would cement this victory over him.
Our past experiences in EWT fear nothing whatsoever and what tomorrow brings is something that I can be one of the selected few of Triple Crown champions....and I did mention right before Symphony of Destruction that I would DO ANYTHING to get a shot with them titles.
Well...I did deserve it. I team with that lice ridden ass*** and face against Irelands toughest competitors....Aidan Donnelly and Sean McCann. Their coach will probably accomplice them to the ring.
*door knocks*
Now, I wonder who is this?
*opens door*
Yes?
*It is EWTs offical telegram messenger*
Messenger: This was brought in by EWT General Manager stop. Toomi Bischoff stop. Do you want me to read it? stop.
Dorf: No...I'm not illiterate. *grabs letter*
Dorf:
Just to let you know that you're match with Ape Love against Team Ireland w/Coach is now a hardcore match.
Toodles,
Toom EWT GM
Dorf: *to messenger* Why are you still here?
Messenger: You have another message stop. This one is from Ape Love stop. Do yo-
Dorf: GIMMIE THAT! *snatches it and shoves the messenger out of the way, slams door before messenger could regain himself.*
dearest dorfy:
OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!! i hope you are having a groovy day...because tea man, is awesome!
anyways, this is not why i made this letter....i wrote this to tell you our team name....we are team TURKEY & CHEESE.....OW! who knew that cheese can be so good to turkey? not me....hehe....that is why you are a genius dorf....well, i got to get going....i'll be at the ppv tomorrow and i know you will be there with open arms.
because if my arms aren't open....I'D KILL YOU.....oooh...look at me....i shouldn't be angry.
eat turkey & cheese,
ape love
*blood is smeared all over "I'd Kill You" line*
.....s***.
*loses focus*
I'm not scared, I'm not scared, I'm not scared, I'm not scared, I'M NOT SCARED!
I'm not scared. NO, INDEEDY NOT! TOMORROW NIGHT, TEAM IRELAND...DORF & APE LOVE WILL COME OUT ON TOP WHETHER OR NOT YOU LIKE IT, YOU WILL GET YOUR....JUST DO!
AS A RESULT, AS A result, YOU WILL KNOW YER SOUL AND SHUT YER TRAP!
*blows candle out and turns the light off at the same time to fade to black.*
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Mar 25, 2007 7:48:53 GMT -5
*The camera fades into the locker room of TJT. Each one of the members of TJT have their back turned to the camera. But each of them look to have some what of a bad hair day.*
Thunder: Gentle men and women!
Jupiter: Peasants of the world!
Terina: This is JAJ...Fires Back!
*Jupiter turns, but it's really Axel in a bad wig, a fake mid-length sideburns, and a really fake Van Dyke goatee.*
Jupiter: I'm AXSON JUPITER!
*Thunder turns, but it's really Jobby in a cheap wig and headband.*
Thunder: I'm JOBMY THUNDER!
*Terina turns, and it's really Juri in a highly cheap wig. It looks like a mix between yarn and a old fashion mop.*
Terina: And I think that my make up gives me super powers. That's the sole reason why I, Jurina, will make Juri tap out at Dead Man Walking!
Jupiter: GREAT BURN! Oh my, that's totally twisted!
Thunder: WHAT DID YOU SAY ABOUT HER?! SHE'S TOTALLY STRAIGHT!
Jupiter: No I mean, twisted as in funny.
Thunder: Oh. I know that.
Jupiter: Knew that.
Thunder: Knew you too.
Jupiter: What?
Thunder: Exactly.
Jurina: Anyways, back to what we are here for!
Jupiter: That is a good question. Why are we here? Are we simply many different species trying to survive on a mud ball called Earth? Or simply servants under a greater being?
Jurina: What are you talking about?
Jupiter: I have no idea. But if I say crap like that all the time, I appear to be smart than I actually am.
Jurina: You're clueless.
Thunder: HOW DARE YOU MOCK HIM! HE TEACHES ME TO SPOKE GOOD!
Jupiter: It's speak well.
Thunder: Well.... Your mom goes to college.
Jupiter: What?
Thunder: Ha, that's right. Suck on that.
Jurina: Beauty is trying to talk here!
Thunder: What? I thought I finished what I needed to say.
Jurina: Me, you idiot.
Thunder: Oh.
Jurina: We all know just who's going to win at the DMV.
Jupiter: Nobody wins at the DMV.
Jurina: Correct! And we also know who's going to win at DMW.
Thunder: Not those zombie dudes for sure.
Jupiter: Zombies? More like... Gothbies.
Thunder: Dude, that is the most awesomest thing ever said in the last five seconds in this room.
Jupiter: Totally.
Jurina: And especially not those lame-os, the Sports Entertainment Gang.
Jupiter: Oh yeah, totally.
Thunder: Wait, who's going to win then?
Jurina: Us of course!
Thunder: Oh yeah.
Jupiter: Yeah, come on. Neither of these teams know what really matters in this business... And that's cheating while looking like damn fine gender benders!
Jurina: I bet they don't even get manicures or body waxing like you two.
Thunder: Yeah!
Jupiter: Totally. Just look back at what happened at the last PPV.
Thunder: Yeah!
Jupiter: I took out Jobby, easily!
Thunder: Yeah, after he made me look like a 70s disco guy in a 80s mosh pit!
Jupiter: Jurina, you took out Juri single handedly.
Thunder: Yeah, after Juri totally took you out and I had to cheat to save her!
Jupiter: ... That didn't happen. I simply let Juri beat me because that's the only way I can get a real woman to touch me. Oh and, not to mention Jurina, how you pinned Axel!
Thunder: Yeah, after I was totally defeated by one of Axel's weakest moves and you had to cheat on a guy going easy on you.
Jupiter: Dude, just look at that track record. We're sure to crush EVERYONE in our path!
Jurina: And just remember... If either of you guys do well, I just may give you guys a “special surprise”.
Jupiter: Oh man, that's just vague enough to imply dirty thoughts.
Jurina: AH! As if! I'm a virginal and pure athlete!
*Thunder and Jupiter all pause then look at each other. They start laughing.*
Jupiter: Oh my, that was rich!
Thunder: Yeah!
Jurina: WHAT YOU DO MEAN BY THAT?! I'M SEROUS!
Jupiter: Oh gawd, stop! Stop! My sides are killing me!
Thunder: YEAH!
Jurina: I'M THE BEST DIVA.... FEMALE WRESTLER THAT THE ETW... EWT HAS TO OFFER!
Jupiter: That's not saying much.
Thunder: What about Oceanic?
Jupiter: Hawaiian chicks don't count.
Jurina: I think we can all agree on that.
Thunder: Naturally.
Jurina: Now, on to my match.
Jupiter: Which you will win. Look at Juri's scars and horrible hair, she can't win. She's just so... Beastly.... Like a Tiger... A sexy red hot, Tiger...
Jurina: Yeeaaaah....
Thunder: That's my line!
Jupiter: Hey, I'm going to get a “high class” beverage... Does anyone want five?
Thunder: Yeah! I'll take six wine coolers!
Jupiter: Do you want your crazy straw?
Thunder: You know it!
Jurina: I'm talking about my match right now!
Jupiter: Pfft, that means this is the piss break of the segment.
*He walks out of the picture.*
Jurina: As a lady I should be offended, but I going to ignore that.
Thunder: If you're a lady, then Axson and me are drunks.
Jurina: Thank you Jobmy.
Thunder: ...Wait what?
Jurina: It should be heavily obvious to everyone that I won't be able to beat Juri cleanly. I mean come on, she's lost more pints of blood that I have money. But with the aid of a few “toys” and “assistance” I will have no problem making her tap out. Even though she never has in her career.
Thunder: So you are going to cheat then? Isn't that against the rules?
Jurina: SCREW THE RULES, I HAVE MONEY!
Thunder: Yeah!
*Jupiter staggers back in, acting heavily drunk. His wig is off center.*
Jupiter: Well lookee who I found in your room looking through your underwear drawer.
Jurina: Okay, which sick freak is going to die!?
Jupiter: Not yours.
*Jupiter's eyes lean hers to Thunder, who looks shocked.*
Thunder: ...Yeah?
Jupiter: Jack, you got some explaining to do!
*In walks in Simon Scurvy in a very cheap Jack Sparrow costume with comedic amounts of eye shadow on. He speaks in a decent but not great Jack Sparrow voice*
Jack: ARRRrrroooooh, sorry mates... You see, I was liberating some of your knickers Thunder for some... Deeds.
Thunder: WHAT?!
Jack: Pirate!
Jurina: He has a point.
*Jack looks openly nervous as Jurina looks at him.*
Jupiter: Yeah, you can't argue with that logic.
Thunder: Damn!
Jurina: So Jack, are you ready for your match with one of our nameless bodyguards...
Jupiter: By that, she means are you going to screw up less than usual.
Jack: Arr!
Thunder: Works for me. Who's his partner again? Beau Two, was it?
Jupiter: Close enough.
*Jack looks uncomfortable.*
Jurina: What's wrong, Jack?
Jack: Arr... I um.... Have some sort of mast growing in my breeches...
Jurina: ...
Jack: Sorry, bonny lass... But your over make-up beauty leaves me with a wooden leg... If you catch my wind at the sails...
*Jurina looks over at Jupiter.*
Jurina: ....How are you related again?
Jupiter: Not sure.
Jack: Well, I best be going mates... I got untalented stuff to do.
Jupiter: Don't go near any Krakens.
Jack: Sure thing, Savvy! ARRRR!
*Jack leaves and JAJ look back into the camera.*
Jurina: And now we reach the climax of our little promo, where the message is made known.
Thunder: We have a theme to this?!
*Axel takes off his fake facial hair and wig.*
Axel: I think we have proven that talk is cheap, and that means YOU, Thunder and Jupiter. You can make all these promos that you want, but that will never guarantee you endless victories. You were lucky last time.
*Jobby takes off his wig.*
Jobby: Yeah! Come Sunday, you're looking at the two best friends that will win when we hit our Execution on you guys! It will be totally awesome!
*Juri pulls off her wig slowly*
Juri: I've said it before and I'll say it again, Terina... You just don't know what I'm capable of. You just don't understand how far I will go to get a victory. And I will die before I tap out.
Axel: And THAT is IT folks, THAT is JAJ Shoots Back! Where you'll see the kayfabe!
Jobby: You'll see the colors!
Juri: And you'll see less talk... And more action!
*All three of them leave out of frame of the camera. Yet Axel walks back in, turns his back to the camera, and slashing is heard. He turns to show his handy work the words, “The WP & Juri were here,” craved into the fine couch. He smiles, pulls his shades out of his pocket, and puts them on as he smiles very sinisterly. The camera fades out.*
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Mar 25, 2007 8:48:51 GMT -5
*We cut to a commercial break, including an ad for Dead Man Walking...TONIGHT, on Pay Per View! But returning from commercial, the camera cuts to the outside area of TJT's locker room, the door wide open, as Thunder, Jupiter and Terina are outside, in a torrid state of mind.*
Thunder: AAAGGHHH!
Jupiter: Dammit who let them in?!
Staff Member #1: I don't know. They must have had a key!
Terina: That promo of theirs....was disgusting!
*Thunder grabs the man by the collar, and slams him against the wall.*
Thunder: THAT WAS SICK! NOW YOU TELL ME HOW THE f*** THEY GOT HERE!
Terina: If you don't, we're going to make you pay every cent you have for this!
Jupiter: Tell us now, you jackass!
Staff Member #1: I don't know! I don't know! Don't hurt me! PLEASE!
Jupiter: f*** YOU! That's it! You're outta here!
*Thunder and Jupiter double suplex him through a stack of crates, knocking him unconscious. Thunder walks inside TJT's room while Jupiter and Terina go to Jack's, which is next door. As the sound of Thunder throwing stuff around can be heard, they open the door, finding Jack reading a newspaper.*
Jack: I'm not betting on--oh, hey guys.
Jupiter: What happened?!
Jack: Huh?
Terina: That damn WP got into our room. Most disgusting promo I've ever seen!
Jack: I don't know. I didn't even hear anything! Honest.
Jupiter: You better be, cousin. Otherwise I'd have to hurt you.
Jack: Yikes. How bad was it?
*Jason doesn't say anything, he simply lowers his head and shakes it in disgust while Terina places her hands on her hips and rolls her eyes.*
Terina: I REALLY don't want to say.
Jack: Eh, whatever you say...
*Thunder walks in, a little bloodied.*
Thunder: Hey guys, we're gonna need some nw furniture...
*The camera fades out, leaving the four, especially TJT proper in total indignancy.*
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jzbadblood
Unicron
Christ, man. Can't you see what's happening? Can't you read between the lines?
Posts: 3,052
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Post by jzbadblood on Mar 25, 2007 10:26:04 GMT -5
Honky Tonk Man is backstage in his locker room getting ready for the match with JZ tonight. He slicks his hair back and walks out the door only to get planted with a guitar!
JZ: How's that taste, *****?
Joey Styles: I guess this match won't be happening tonight! What a shame huh?
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Post by teamireland on Mar 25, 2007 10:40:57 GMT -5
*Hercules Hernandez stands in the middle of the ring with his big goofy looking chain around his neck, awaiting the arrival of his opponent. "Sweden" by The Divine Comedy starts playing & Liam O'Neill emerges from behind the curtain to a decent fan response. He looks a little disoriented as he gets in the ring & faces off with Herc.* David Penzer: The following contest is scheduled for one fall with a 20-minute time limit. Introducing first, from Tampa Florida, weighing in at 275lbs, HERCULES... HERNANDEZ! And his opponent, from Cork, Ireland, weighing in at 209lbs, LIAM... O'NEILL! DING-DING! Tony Schiavone: Good eveninf EWT fans, I'm Tony Schiavone, joined by my broadcast collague, Scott Hudson. Scott, a bit of a mis-match this evening, wouldn't you say? Scott Hudson: No kidding, Schiavone. Liam O'Neill gives up more than 60lbs to Hercules, not to mention the clashing styles they have. And given Coach O'Hare's recent decision to abandon Liam, he's at even more of a disadvantage than he would be under normal circumstances. *Hercules charges at Liam & attempts a shoulder block. Liam deftly side-steps the move & Hercules winds up bounding off the ropes. Herc gives chase to Liam & O'Neill darts outside the ring, trying to avoid the strongman at all costs. Liam makes a desperate dash to the top of the entrance ramp & gets clobbered by Coach O'Hare's Hurley. The ref calls for the bell & the match is thrown out. O'Hare has a mic in his hand. The audience notices this & groans audibly. Hernandez heads on backstage a little confused.* O'Hare: Liam, I've just about had it with you, son! Firstly you lose to a friggin' Frenchie, not once, but twice! Your antics are making a mockery of Team Ireland! And now... you're stealing drink from your own team's locker room?! Liam: I don't... know... any...thing... about... *O'Hare stamps very forcefully on Liam's chest.* O'Hare:There was a time when the name O'Neill was a proud name to have. It can be traced back to Hugh O'Neill, one of the High Kings of Ireland. Now the name O'Neill is worthless! You have made that name into a punchline! You need to shape up, seriously. You've got one last chance, that's all I'm giving you! As of now, consider yourself on probation with Team Ireland. If you f*** up THIS time... you will be FIRED! *O'Hare slams the microphone onto Liam's chest & makes his way back to the locker room as "I'm Shipping Up To Boston" plays on the PA system. The camera follows him. He meets Aidan & Sean backstage.* Sean: Coach, don't you think that's a wee bit harsh? Aidan: Aye, I mean, the fella's had his problems & all but he's still part of the team... O'Hare: Look lads, How many times has he f***ed up in the past few months? I needed to lay down the law out there. I know, we came here as a team & all, but Liam's starting to become an embarassment. If you lads want him to stay on the team, then you better help him to get back to the top, okay? 'Cause frankly, I'm at the end of my tether with him! *O'Hare walks on past as Aidan & Sean look at eachother slightly worried.* *Cut to the next segment.*
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Bedlam LadyD
Samurai Cop
Is a WSX Cupcake. BOOOOOOOM!!
Posts: 2,452
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Post by Bedlam LadyD on Mar 25, 2007 11:50:48 GMT -5
Synthy, noticeably de-toxed, is backstage, her eyes are on the monitor across from her. She smacks herself in the forehead when she hears O-Hare's comment. Professionally, she liked the guy, but now she reminded herself not to meet up with him as she had a rough tendency to blurt things out that she shouldn't. She definitely wasn't scared of facing off with him, but one thing was for certain: You don't mess with an Irishman's drink. It was just wrong. Cringing to herself, she realized she was essentially going against her nature. Synthy tried to do the just, always, but this could land her in some serious problems, and, being the new girl, she didn't want to get the wrong kind of attention. She had immediately regretted the decision when she sobered up. Luckily, her cell rings, stopping any further mind games with herself. However, when she realizes whose on the end of the line, her eyes scrunch into violent little beads. "What the hell are you thinking? You can't just-" She pauses, having just been interrupted by a squirrelly voice on the phone."Fine! Get bubby to drive you to his house. You need to stop going to those things, sis. Get yourself bandaged up and go relax. I'm working right now!" Not really, as, yet again, she didn't have a match. Her fault really. She screams in frustration ((causing numerous faceless production people to go into hiding)) "Aw, did someone finally look in a mirror?"
"Say what?" Synthy turns around. It's one of the girls from the other night. Blond hair, snakebites, and a very wannabe-punk look. Dear lord. Ashley.
"I mean jeez, look at yourself woman! You wanna be famous, but you have no figure. Correction, I suppose 'round' is a shape, as you've got a huge ass."
"And that's supposed to be clever how? Also, how exactly did you keep your job? You've got one of the most ridiculously low IQs I've ever noticed, not to mention unoriginal look, low talent reserve, and softballs glued to your chest.."
"Aw, someone get up on the wrong side of the cage this morning? "
"People clap when they see you -- as in their hands over their eyes or ears. You're one of the most arrogant women I have ever met."
Ashley smirks. "Me? You're the one who keeps praising herself for her skills, but I've yet to see you do anything I couldn't do better."
"Chick, if I wanted you to open your mouth, I would have called Vince McMahon. Not to mention, to pull off some of my moves, you need good legs. You must have the knees of an eighty-year old by now. That is after all, how you've kept your job this long, right?"
"You cheap bitch!" Ashley swings at her.
Candy Girl and her camera man come back just in time to see the fight. Ashley's swing goes over Synthy's head. She's completely off guard when Synthy's left leg kicks her in the back. She steps back and shakes her head. "You're pathetic. Even worse than your 'insults', is the fact you claim to be a wrestler. You're nothing more then a prima-donna wanna-be. I find it annoying that your ego's as huge as Hulk Hogan's, and for what, winning a rigged contest in a company that sees woman as nothing more then Divas? Oh, wait, you posed in Playboy. That's such a HUGE honor. It's so noble to spread your legs for every hetero male in the world to yank over." Ashley stands up, her face stuck in a hideous snarl. "Catch." Synthy throws a Pepsi in Ashley's direction, a few feet above her head. A mere reaction, Ashley jumps to catch it, getting the full, brutal impact of a Synthy Spear. To add insult to injury, Synthy then opens the Pepsi, and lets it flow over Ashley's face. "What the-" Ashley's snakebites had fallen off, revealing they were nothing more then clip-ons. Synthy just laughs, and leaves Candy Girl to pick up. "Ew, she's so sticky!" The phrase comes from Candy girl, right before the camera shuts off.
It then cues the next segment.
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Post by Toom E. Guci on Mar 25, 2007 22:50:12 GMT -5
*Toom E dangerously is sitting in his office, watching the replay of the Dead Man Walking main event. A smile comes across his face.*
Excellent.
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Post by Spankymac is sick of the swiss on Mar 26, 2007 0:23:27 GMT -5
*camera fades in on a car, with Chucky stuffing something into the trunk of the car. He slams the hood and turns around* YO! Once again, it's the "One Man Mafia" Chucky Gambino, just out takin' care of some business, if ya follow what I'm sayin'. *Banging and muffled shouting can be heard from the trunk, the camera pans over, but gets stopped by Chucky* HEY! What's in there is none of your business. So you stay out, capisce? You don't need to know about that. All you need to know, is what's gonna happen when I come to EWT. Some asses are gonna be kicked, and whoever gets in my way, they're gonna get WHACKED! *Camera fades out*
COMING SOON: "The One Man Mafia" Chucky Gambino.
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Post by Oceanic on Mar 26, 2007 1:33:00 GMT -5
Dead Man Walking is over. The crowd has all gone home, the wrestlers are all showering, and the janitors are cleaning up. And Sum Guy? He's playing solitaire with a deck of tarot cards. As he's playing he hears a door slam loudly behind him. He turns around in surprise and sees Oceanic storming down the hallway with her suitcase in hand and covered up in a large coat. She's angrily stomping down the hall when Sum Guy asks what's up by saying:
Sum Guy: "Hey Oceanic! What's up?"
Oceanic stops and addresses him.
Oceanic: "What does it look like? I'm getting out of this stinking dump!"
Sum Guy: "You're leaving? As in..............leaving leaving?
Oceanic: "I'm not hanging around here! Not after what just happened!"
Sum Guy: "You mean Virus stripping you down to your unmentionables in front of everybody? That?"
Oceanic: "Yes, that! I have had it with this place! Nobody here gives me the respect that I deserve! I'm the Tri State Champion! I'm the best athlete in this entire federation! Virus is nobody! He's done absolutely nothing! He's less than nothing! Why does everybody cheer on that loser?"
Sum Guy: "Maybe because he's not a b****!"
Oceanic gets very pissed off while Sum Guy laughs his head off.
Sum Guy: "Do you remember when Virus said that to you! Do you? Man, that was funny! Do you remember that?"
Oceanic: (through her teeth) "I was standing right there, Sum."
Sum Guy: (still laughing) "Good times, good times...."
Oceanic can't hold her anger in any more and suddenly, and violently, super kicks Sum Guy squarely in the face, tipping him over back wards in his chair and sending him splatting on the floor. Quicker than a cat Oceanic jumps on top of him and places her forearm across his throat, choking him pretty badly. Looks like Oceanic has joined the "Beat The Tar Out Of Sum Guy" club.
Oceanic: "Listen you braying donkey! Nobody calls me that! Nobody! Not you! Not Virus! Nobody! I'm getting the f*** out of here and going back home to Hawaii! And when I come back you had better believe that there's going to be hell to pay! You hear me you piss ant! And just to show you I'm not joking...."
Oceanic suddenly gets back up to her feet and kicks Sum directly across the face, sending a spray of blood across the floor like a noir film. Sum goes limp, knocked out, as Oceanic grabs her luggage and storms out the door.
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