Square
Bill S. Preston, Esq.
Official Ambassador
Grand Poobah of Scavenger Hunts 2011
Square-Because he looks good at all the right angles.
Posts: 18,700
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Post by Square on Nov 13, 2007 16:36:18 GMT -5
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Post by viscera on Nov 22, 2007 14:35:54 GMT -5
LOLTEHBACKSTAEGNEWZ.com!11
After their disasterous affair of a match, both "The Planet" Jumbo Mass and "Tough Guy" Gary Deed have both had pretty much any chance possible of getting called up to the EWT Roster shot down. When asked why the hell he had thought these two were ready to do a dark match at all, EWT developmental's operator refused to comment, because he was busy playing with his money colored rubber goosey in a tub filled with gold coins.
Principal Pain has meanwhile been pretty much sacked from his referee position after blowing a gasket during this horrible horrible match. Luckily, he is close friends with most of the EWT talent, so he isn't expected to be released. He will not, however, be officiating a match anytime in the near future.
According to EWT Creative, they were very dead set behind a huge push for Jumbo Mass, thinking that he could be the biggest thing in the EWT since Flex Magnificent. After this same match, everyone who said so was personally fired by Toomi, for total and utter imcompetence. As for Tough Guy Gary Deed, well... nobody saw much potential in him really. He was most likely set to be a Zephyr Brotheresque jobber.
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Boku AKA Da Green Guy
El Dandy
WC's Resident Pirate Otaku and Official Scapegoat
Always and Forever, Hurricane.
Posts: 8,371
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Post by Boku AKA Da Green Guy on Dec 2, 2007 12:47:59 GMT -5
EWTPirates.com
WRESTLE POSSE NEWS
Given the sickening sight that was seen in the recent Coming Attraction Productions/Wrestle Posse match, it's not surprising when we found out that EWT Wrestler Jobby McJobberston was horribly injured. How bad you may ask? It would appear that his left leg has been badly broken due to CAP horribly performing a move that should have never been done. Doctors are saying that at the least, Jobby's looking at three to four months before being able to return to the ring. Surprisingly the heat fell not upon CAP, who get EWT a few stray yet unloyal viewers, but on Axel Halaway.
It would appear that after the match, Halaway had a spat in Toomi's office and was effectively suspended until Jobby returns to the ring. One source even said he was escorted out of the arena by security after being given his sentence.
It has also been said that the footage of his verbal fight with Toomi will be offered on EWT's website soon. For what reason, we have no idea. Hopefully we'll get more information on this story as more is let out.
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TJT
AC Slater
It's fun to be perfect.
Posts: 109
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Post by TJT on Dec 2, 2007 21:50:18 GMT -5
www.TJT-online.net/TJT/newsCAST IN STONE: We got some great news, people! Unfortunately, we can't tell ya just what. Here's a hint though: lots of belts and lots of gold. Keep your eyes peeled in the next week or so--we guarantee it'll captivate ya! -Jimmy Thunder
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Post by 'Foretold' Joker on Dec 6, 2007 9:11:02 GMT -5
~ JN Insider ~ ~ The Maelstrom Ratings feud is set to culminate at Seaon's Beatings, these two superstar hope to put on one final classic before moving on to other feuds. ~ The Bad Man was injured in his match with Mr. Big at the last PPV and has been taking some time off to heal. Expect the grotesque to return sooner rather than later. ~ Whilst out of action The Bad Man will be taking questions for his blog. Please send questions here ... to be answered in his own disturbing style~ The EWT creative feel Mr. Big has potential and are thinking about trying a singles push again. Mr. Big's recent promo suggests he has the motivation but can he pull it off or will he Billy Gunn it? ~ Curly Long has been sitting in on creative meetings, this has meant more scantily clad ladies and debauchery than actual storyline ideas. However expect him to return after the new year with something fresh and exciting for EWT programming. Credit - The Red Hooded Clown
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Post by The Lach is very tired on Dec 8, 2007 0:16:23 GMT -5
www.EWTnooz.comA huge buzz was created when Spaz showed up backstage at a recent EWT event. Spaz was there to visit some of his old running buddies & is still firm on the fact he is retired. He was overheard talking about the amount of rehab he still has to do on his shoulder before he is even able to play golf with it let alone wrestle. There is talk of him being offered a road agent position with EWT. This has yet to be confirmed by either party. Spaz was also seen at EWT Corporate HQ last week for the filming of some segments for upcoming EWT DVD releases. Two rumored DVD's are the best of the OX Division Championship & the best of The EWT World Heavyweight Championship.
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Exner
Mike the Goon
Posts: 16
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Post by Exner on Dec 13, 2007 1:25:57 GMT -5
MAJOR EWT TALENT RELEASED! MORE TO COME?!?!
Credit: EWTInsider ______________________ December 13th,2007
-Site contributor Eric McLain sent this tidbit in:
EWT posted the following on their official site: EWT has come to terms on the release of Superstar Exner. We wish him the best in all his future endeavors.
-Rumor has it that Andy Duke may not be long for EWT. His contract expires at the end of the year, and neither side has been too keen on reaching an agreement. EWT officials allegedly don't feel Duke has gotten as over as he should be after being given multiple pushes. Duke, on the other hand, has had a very tough year outside the ring personally, and now there are rumors of drug use. Some rumors have it that he has been suspended for the remainder of his contract, and all Cidal Squad and Tag Team Invitational activities have been kiboshed permanently.
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Tiffany
Mike the Goon
Don't ask me. I'm just a girl... aheheh, aheheh...
Posts: 39
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Post by Tiffany on Dec 13, 2007 17:26:12 GMT -5
teh1337wretslen00z!!1!!1lolWord around the campfire is that some guy that overheard a conversation between the neighbours of some distant cousins of EWT employees who are really in the know says that Tiffany botched the shot with her "loaded handbag" in her last match & that Madison exacerbated her neck injury. There's still no set date as to when Madison will return.
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The Line
Patti Mayonnaise
Real Name: Bumkiss. Stanley Bumkiss.
Peanut Butter & JAAAAAMMMM!
Posts: 36,698
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Post by The Line on Dec 13, 2007 18:35:44 GMT -5
Source: www.blogspot.com/CidalDuke.htmlDecember 13th, 2007 Rumor Has it...There's a funny thing about rumors. Nine times out of ten, they end up being false. Such is the case with the latest case of NEWZ. "Rumor has it" that my contract is expiring. FALSE! Yes, it expires January 1st....of 2010! "Rumor has it"... that I am now a drug addict. FALSE! To quote another great wrestler, my only drug is addiction. And maybe a pretty face and a nice ass, but hey, I'm human. "Rumor has it"... that I'm suspended. FALSE! Andy Duke the human, not the character, was attending a funeral. As long as Andy Duke has the stregnth within him to get out of bed each morning, Andy Duke will continue to perform in the ring at 124%. -"Rumorcidal" Andy Duke
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The Line
Patti Mayonnaise
Real Name: Bumkiss. Stanley Bumkiss.
Peanut Butter & JAAAAAMMMM!
Posts: 36,698
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Post by The Line on Dec 13, 2007 19:50:40 GMT -5
Credit: EWTinsider
-For those of you who saw EWT tonight, you saw "Insecticidal" Andy Duke suffer a severe injury. We can exclusively report that it is a work. He requested time off, and he was given it, thus the reason for the injury angle AND the attack. Expect him back in a few months, hopefully. No word on what will happen with the tag invite.
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Oak: Certified Jade Hater
Bill S. Preston, Esq.
Edgier than Wayne Brady, Harder than Chinese Arithmetic, and Higher than the ratings for Blade: The Series
TOP ROPE CATCH A VIBE YEAH I SWERVE WHEN I DRIVE
Posts: 15,391
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Post by Oak: Certified Jade Hater on Dec 13, 2007 22:30:08 GMT -5
Source: www.lolwrestling.com- After taking some much needed time off after working non-stop for thre better part of 8 months, Chad Michaels and Mike Corral have returned. They are set to return to the ring later in the week. - Jesse Nunez's conctract expires on January 3, 2008. No word on whether or not he will re-sign. - Marcus Saxton has been involved with rap during the "vacation". He will return as well. - And, unfortunately, The Aftermath were fired this week. Matthew and LA Riot did not have hard feelings, with Matthew and LA Riot competing in different feds. - And finally, during the break, Mike competed for another promotion's Heavyweight Title, almost winning. Corral is now looking for signatures to get his rematch. Experts within EWT believe that Corral will get at least 3, those being the memebers of Rated X.
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Sajoa Moe
Patti Mayonnaise
Did you get that thing I sent ya?
A man without gimmick.
Posts: 39,683
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Post by Sajoa Moe on Dec 14, 2007 14:25:52 GMT -5
credit: www.wrestlingberserkernewsletter.com- Kevin Sullivan came out with a barbed wire 2x4 and cut a silly promo about the barbed wire being like hellish scorpion tails, or something. He then attempted to light the 2x4 on fire, but couldn't. Marcus Trunk then came out and quickly squashed him, then cut a promo about how he nearly was set on fire during the match, even though Sullivan never got the darn thing lit. Well, it's not Trunk's fault that Sullivan is a bumbling moron. -- Rave Belzer, Wrestling Berserker Newsletter, December 15th, 2007
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The Line
Patti Mayonnaise
Real Name: Bumkiss. Stanley Bumkiss.
Peanut Butter & JAAAAAMMMM!
Posts: 36,698
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Post by The Line on Dec 15, 2007 23:54:28 GMT -5
www.bloggerifficblogsonfire.com/superorangeredgreenANDYDUKE.htmlOfficial Andy Duke Blog(More official than that other Andy Duke Blog)12/15/07 Hey, like you guys all saw, some hellish devil-dog decided to attack with the lights off while I was in the hospital. Before the attack, I was only projected to be laid up for a month or so. But because of the attack, I have no set date of return. But I assure you, I will be back some day. Sooner rather than later. And when I do come back, I'm going to find that sorry son of a bitch who attacked me, and his ass will be grass. Due to the NEWZ sites being on my back about "Wellness Policy" violations, I cannot say whether I would smoke said grass or not. Cheers. -Andy Duke
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Post by raftshack on Dec 16, 2007 14:08:59 GMT -5
EWT Wrestler Zeleke Ekelez arrested
We have finally figured out the reason for the recent abcense of the rather popular team known as Raft Shack. Unfortunately, on their way to one of the next EWT shows, one Zeleke Ekelez was arrested after he was caught running around the town completely nude with two ducks under his arms and wearing what appeared to be a sombrero.
Unfortunately, in the state that this took place in, running around holding more than one bird while wearing a hat is actually a very old and ridiculous law. Zeleke has thus been sentenced to as long a three months or longer in jail. His tag team partner and traveling companion, Faboon Noobaf was simply trying to explain... roughly translated, this was just a publicity stunt for the EWT and they had no intention of offending the locals.
The word is EWT is hesitant to bail the crazed man out, because they really don't want to spend good money to do so.
When reached for comment, Zeleke said the following. " You may encasen my lonesome selfling in this castastrophe of boxxy prisonings... but I shall never halt my quest to help the winged ones reach the divine heavening of my face!"
EWT was considering a singles run for Faboon in the meanwhile, but decided against it. They also vetoed his idea to let him temporarily tag with his grandmother...
Source: EWT NEWZ TEEM
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Post by DieShiguya on Dec 23, 2007 13:09:42 GMT -5
www.JRock-Love.netIt has come to our attention that Die Shiguya is not, in fact, leaving the wrestling world. The elusive rock star has given slight word that he will return in early 2008, but has decided to take the rest of 07 off in order to regain some motivation, take care of family business, and think of ideas as to how to partake in his vengeance against GhostFace. No other words were given, but he does wish a Merry Christmas, and a Happy Holidays for his supporters. -CLH
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Post by 'Foretold' Joker on Dec 23, 2007 20:23:47 GMT -5
BREAKING NEWS STORY!!!
Scientists in China may use a the Midget Legend Curly Long to teach pandas to fight after the first artificially bred panda released into the wild was apparently killed after a battle with other animals, local media reported on Saturday.
The Wolong giant panda breeding centre plans to have four pandas raised in captivity live with the EWT's lewdest and crudest Midget Superstar Curly Long, the Chengdu Daily quoted reserve officials as saying. The officials could not be reached for comment.
The pandas would learn how to protect themselves by observing Curly Long increasing their chances of survival when they were eventually released into the mountainous wilds of the far western province of Sichuan. With trademark attacks such as biting, eye poking and distracting opponents with x-rated material Chinese officials beleive curly Long to be invaluable to Panda progress in defending themselves and possibly reproducing in the wild.
The world's first artificially bred panda to be released, a 5-year-old male named Xiang Xiang, was found dead in the snow early this year after less than 12 months out of captivity. Scientists believe he fell from a high place after getting into a fight with wild pandas or other animals over food or territory.
To boost captive pandas' low fertility rates and weak sexual desire, China has even resorted to showing them videos of other pandas mating. This has could be of interest to Curly Long who's incredibly seedy lifestyle is not far from the prying eyes of the wrestling dirtsheets, and unlike most is probably true.
When asked for a comment Mr. Big said 'I don't want to know, you know I may have tagged with the guy for years but sometimes he's just very much his own man.'
Credit - Jokerjah!
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Bedlam LadyD
Samurai Cop
Is a WSX Cupcake. BOOOOOOOM!!
Posts: 2,452
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Post by Bedlam LadyD on Dec 24, 2007 16:34:54 GMT -5
EWT-Exclusive.com
It has come to the EWT-Exclusive's attention that reigning Girl Next Door Champion Synthy Eris has been told by doctors she needs to take a few weeks off to recover her body. Since joining the company earlier this year, the woman has had very little time to recuperate from injuries. Eris has only taken a few weeks off here and there when she was diagnosed as having an illness that she has yet to disclose to the public.
Synthy Eris has been told by her doctors that if she doesn't take these next few weeks leading into 2008 off, then her multiple cracked ribs and concussion will lead to some further complications regarding her health. Eris will not be back until the first week of January.
Her injuries were suffered during the match with Karma that took place over the weekend.
credit - insidergirl
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Post by Mella Drom Attoc on Dec 25, 2007 6:16:56 GMT -5
Credit: www.CelebstalkerGMiz.comBy: Georgie Martin Following the tradegic events of the EWT PPV Season's Greetings, the pitfall match between beloved vocalist Lull Songstra & Hairgo Afro, the musical theatre actor was air lifted by helicopter to the nearest emergency hosiptal. Due to the lack of TRUE specialist, this army fools failed to save the billion dollar voice box of Lull Songstra. Instead, they operated to save his life of all things. Upon returning to the states via a stretcher, Mr. Songstra was immediately rushed to REAL doctors. But I regret to report at this time that Lull's singing career is over. The quacks over in Iraq and the monsterous cavemen in EWT ruined what was a national treasure... A wonder of the world. Nothing would make this reporter happier than to see that these fools be brought to justice but OF COURSE they won't be. Something about Lull signing a release or something totally not important. Don't they know that Lull can sue no matter what? LOL. But on to sadder news... Lull has been sued for damages by his own production company and his lawyer, who is their lawyer too (makes sense, because you don't have fighting when they're only one) forced him to settle. Lull got to keep his smallest mansion, the castle somewhere in European, but has lost pretty much everything else. Sources have also told this reporter that due to Lull's failed surgery, his throat causes him so much pain that it hurts to breathe. This could go without question that his signing career is over. Apparently, Lull has whispered painfully to one close source that every sound he makes feels like a knife going into his adam's apple. And the saddest news... Lull and Mella are broken up! I blame EWT for everything and I hope Lull sues them for being so mean against him! (BTW, everyone. This is the most I had to research for a topic. So everything is totally right and they're are not any mistakes within this article! Well, time to go find out what Paris Hilton is doing right this second because goodness knows we have to know everything this woman does. Hugs and Kises. XOOXOXOOXoxoooxoxooOXOXOX!) - Georgie
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Post by Toom E. Guci on Dec 28, 2007 14:12:29 GMT -5
EWT On-line is pleased to announce the starting line up for Toom E's House Party IV. After all 20 names have been placed with in the EWT computers, the computer system has drawn which superstars will be teaming up in the first ever Tag Team Battle Royal, in which the final 2 will battle it out to see who wins the vacated Tri-State Championship. The first 3 teams are as follows:
1. Jimmy Thunder & Mahavir Abha 2. Richard Clay & Aidan Donnelly 3. Liam O'Neill & The Holy Father Stay tuned to EWT On-line for more announcements regarding House Party IV.
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Ragnal
Game Genie
Yanno what they say: All toasters toast El Dandy
Posts: 8,677,836
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Post by Ragnal on Dec 30, 2007 22:12:31 GMT -5
www.theshockingtruth.com-Joe Ragnal has officially announced that he is releasing a DVD which features the best of his exclusive FUN House match. The DVD will include every match of the eight sided humor cage that has been featured in EWT, Kapoutland Pro Wrestling, and Global Wrestling Coalition, where Joe Ragnal now resides. Joe has announced that several of the planned interviews have already been taped, but more are looking to be scheduled if the participants agree to it. Further more, there will be a documentary featuring the mind of Joe Ragnal, and how the FUN House transformed from a Raven's House of Fun parody to a Cage of Death parody. Joe has especially been trying to call on Ultimo Chocula for one, with no response yet. "It just doesn't make sense to not have the first guy I faced in EWT skip out on a memorable treasure like this." He said. "But hey, we still have time. After all, the DVD's not being released until after my GWC World title match against the champ, Kevin Hardaway." (EWT Editor's note: Wait, Joe Ragnal? World title?! I thought we made sure that ape never got anywhere near a World title! Whatever happened to MIKE?!) -Er, in other news, Mike Ragnal has finally become vocal in Dorf's time as co-owner of EWT, with Season's Beatings being the apparent straw to break the camel's back. According to Mike in his recent blog- "...I mean, c'mon, HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL?! What are we on, Nickelodeon? Cartoon Network? MTV?! Just UGH...Like I said before, Dorf hasn't made a single right move from what I've seen since he became co-owner of EWT. Let's review: -Two of EWT's toughest females were forced into a lingerie hardcore match. Thankfully, neither one actually went in with lingerie, so that worked as well as one of Joe's barbwire pies to the face. -Maxim subscription. WHY?! That crap is usually nothing but advertising and smells like the inside of a used car. And OVEREXPENSIVE. I'd rather buy the EWT magazine for seven bucks than that! -Tiffany. Enough said. -Buncha crap I didn't care to remember. -And now, teenie boppers with no talent, especially ditzy Vanessa Hudgens and 'pedosmile' Asley Tisdale! To me, it just shows that Dorf is truly out of whack with what EWT means. EWT is WRESTLING. All kinds of wrestling; technical, power, high flying, hardcore, innovative...and Dorf is still stuck in that time period where he thinks he's still World champion, and holds some kind of high power. Toomi. This is your chance to break free of Womelsdorf. EWT's no longer bankrupt, the company's running fine again...heck, in a heartbeat, I would return to EWT so I can lend a hand in throwing Dorf on his butt out the door and take over for him. Just think it over, Toomi. Think it over." Mike Ragnal is also planning to marry his fiancee Sasha Pehl sometime early in 2008. -And finally, Linda Ragnal has been working hard training the new class of WHOA, alongside EWT's Ox Division champion BR Juri Sadamoto. The two have even hosted their recent PPV, Christmas Chaos. Linda is proud to be working with the WHOA wrestlers.
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