Most ridiculous "TNA is in trouble/going to be sold" thread

[Sephiroth]

Scott Steiner has dismissed his lawsuit against TNA. When asked why he stated that he had seen the company checkbook and declared "They got my sympy."
Dixie Carter's latest plan to make TNA profitable: she's going to resign Matt Hardy and team him with Samoa Joe. She is then going to go to every All You Can Eat buffet she can find and tell the owners "Give me fifty bucks or I'm setting them loose!"

[Deleted]

The Dixie train is actually a matchbox car.

[Can you afford to pay me, Gah]

All the wrestlers share elbow and knee pads and reuse wrist tape.
Starting after BFG all PPV promo posters and graphics will be done with crayons and poster boards.
Company wide swear jar to make money.
Soon there will be down one referee for the whole show.
All fights will be broken on by on security guard.
Everyone reference Daniel Bryan plan picture because that replaces the monitors at the announcers table which also was replaced by a fold up picnic table.
All new produced music will feature only kazoos

[SparkyPlugg]

TNA wrestlers are now being told to be in drag for tapings, as they get away with paying Knockouts a lot less.

[Ryushinku]

Entrance videos are to be cut down to 10 seconds of play only, with pyro replaced by Taz waving sparklers.

["Gizzark" Mike Wronglevenay]

All title belts will now be just belts, posssibly with some tinfoil. Any wrestler who can afford a replica belt will become that champion by default if he is the first one to make it to the arena.

[Reflecto]

In order to cut costs, TNA has fired their entire onscreen roster and road agents, once they found cheaper alternatives. The entirety of Impact will now be Dixie Carter holding a tea party with a load of Beanie Babies she found in her garage as all of them talk about how talented and smart and pretty and perfect she is.

[Deleted]

They are in such bad shape SOR won't defend them

[Deleted]

Oct 2, 2013 13:52:44 GMT -5 @andreeethemidget said:

They are in such bad shape SOR won't defend them

I wish I had the GIF of CM Punk hitting an imaginary home rum with a Singapore Cane against McMahon. Knockout blow right there.

[Mighty Attack Tribble]

Oct 2, 2013 13:52:44 GMT -5 @andreeethemidget said:

They are in such bad shape SOR won't defend them

Beautiful.

[percymania]

TNA is so broke, they can no longer afford outfits for the knockouts. They'll have to wrestle naked.

TNA is so strapped for cash, they recently asked to borrow money from Ric Flair.

[Deleted]

TNA: Our ring has three sides and no Angle.

[Kevin Hamilton]

TNA is in such bad shape 1990 AWA is considering giving them a loan and some talent. Next TNA champ, a time traveling Rock and Roll Buck Zumhofe

[Kevin Hamilton]

Unrelated sidenote: if you don't want to get skeeved out by the fact that apparently Zumhofe is a sexual abusing creep, don't Google how to spell the guy's name.

[Starshine]

To fight dwindling fan interest over some of the recent drastic roster cuts, they decide to put the world title on their current most over guy, Gunner.

[Joe Neglia]

TNA is in such bad shape, the next episode is just Tenay playing with action figures of Hogan and Sting.

TNA is in such bad shape, they had to cut five wrestlers from the roster after one customer called their cable provider demanding a refund for the last PPV.

TNA is in such bad shape, they don't air for an entire month because they had to burn all their equipment to keep warm in the winter.

[metylerca]

It's so dour in TNA these days, Kevin Nash doesn't feel right collecting a paycheck to do nothing.

TNA is in such bad shape, they're considering re-runs. They'll still get a 1.1, but they won't have to actually do anything.

I heard that TNA went into a restaurant, ordered all the food in the restaurant, couldn't afford to pay for it, and left the restaurant. The restaurant is still open.

[Crappler El 0 M]

Oh boy! This is sad.

TNA has now set-up special photo opportunities where you can get your picture made climbing the turnbuckles and putting your 'junk' in Christy Hemme's face. Of course fans must remain fully clothed. I personally think this is degrading and embarrassing, but I guess they are strapped for cash these days.

[Sephiroth]

With Hogan back and more cancelled shows, time to revive this thread!

TNA is so desperate to move their merchandise that they are accusing dollar stores of overpricing.
TNA is cancelling so many shows that Scott Hall doesn't know where he shouldn't be.
TNA is losing so much money the audience now has to sit on the floor to save on chairs.

[FHgrad99]

TNA is so strapped for cash, they are replacing next week's episode of Impact with a Telethon where Dixie Carter starts talking in an empty arena and she won't shut up until they raise enough to cover payroll for the next month.