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Post by psychokiller on Mar 20, 2017 11:53:27 GMT -5
How so? If all around you you see something that you wish you had constantly how can it not bother you? There's no sadistic thing behind it like you make it seem like. It's just difficult not to feel envy when you never had what so many others seem to get easily. I know it's semantics but sometimes it's best to start simple: Love isn't something you just get. It's something you give and receive. If you think people just go out there and get it, you are barking at an oak tree and hoping it drops apples. It just seems everywhere I go though there's couples. I just don't know how they are able to do it. It just can't be that everyone has a huge social circle of knowing others. And I literally never see anyone interacting with others when I'm out anywhere so I don't get where people are able to do it. |
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Post by psychokiller on Mar 20, 2017 11:55:04 GMT -5
I honestly already deleted all of online dating profiles. I just don't know if I want to go back on it. It just seems like the standards of so many women on there are out of reach. A lot of women seem to be really drawn to height on those sites & I can't compete due to that. How tall are you? I'm 5'7" which isn't tall by any means. I used to think I was your height until I measured myself & I'm only 5'6". If I tell a white lie I'm close to 5'7" with shoes on. |
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Post by MC Blowfish on Mar 20, 2017 12:12:31 GMT -5
How tall are you? I'm 5'7" which isn't tall by any means. I used to think I was your height until I measured myself & I'm only 5'6". If I tell a white lie I'm close to 5'7" with shoes on. That's not that short. I know guys shorter than that and they're married. |
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Post by psychokiller on Mar 20, 2017 12:16:39 GMT -5
I used to think I was your height until I measured myself & I'm only 5'6". If I tell a white lie I'm close to 5'7" with shoes on. That's not that short. I know guys shorter than that and they're married. It's just going to be more difficult for me though due to my personality. Being short & introverted is a horrible mix to be in terms of getting women. I can't even compensate for it with an outgoing personality that women tend to like. |
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Push R Truth
Patti Mayonnaise
Unique and Special Snowflake, and a pants-less heathen.
Perpetually Constipated
Posts: 39,372
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Post by Push R Truth on Mar 20, 2017 12:27:55 GMT -5
Being short/tall/fat/thin alone isn't much of a bother. It just happens to be the most obvious thing to pick on. Me, personally, I thought being a fat ass was my problem.I figured if I lost weight i'd be drowning in women. No, it happened to be that I was slobbish and lazy. My fat ass just made my laziness and slobbiness easier to see. I didn't loose a pound between my "slob/lazy" stage and my "I look like a give a shit" stage. And the change with how people treated me was astounding. It's almost like when I looked like I cared about myself I was capable of caring for others. It was superficial at first obviously. I only cared just enough to not look like a hobo. But overtime the I actually did begin to care about how I looked and acted. I found myself wanting to do better rather than just making it look like I was "trying". So yeah. Don't let shallow things like height/weight get you down. Sometimes blaming them is too much of a crutch for the real issue. You seem like you are figuring it out though. You, yourself said your personality doesn't help. I'm a huge introvert. It's not something I can just bottle up and set it aside forever. I attacked it in small slices. I smiled at people I didn't know. When I would buy groceries I'd tell the checker "Have a good day". Just little bullshit things like that made little cracks in my shell. Seemed like nothing at first, but over time it added up. Now people say I don't shut up  But I still live like a hermit. Don't socialize much. I like being alone. But those little cracks in the shell were the difference in my life. |
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Post by HMARK Center on Mar 20, 2017 12:36:37 GMT -5
Remind yourself: a romantic relationship isn't the end-all be-all. We've had it pounded into our heads all our lives that we're supposed to "grow up, go to school, get married, have kids", etc. etc. that people start thinking they're somehow lacking as a human being if they're not in a relationship or something, as if that's the definitive life experience that must be prioritized over all others.
The great irony, however, is that thinking that way is a surefire way to miss out on a romantic relationship. Focusing too much on one closes you off from developing yourself as a person: from focusing on your own hobbies and interests, from spending more time with platonic friends, from self-reflection and improvement, etc. Dating is inevitably something involves a lot of failure, as human chemistry is tough to put together and gel properly, so focusing on that over most other things is a recipe for bitterness.
Best advice I could think of is to pick up hobbies you feel passionately about and to maintain a few good platonic friendships you enjoy spending time in and around. For starters, many, many couples meet through mutual friends, but such relationships also help you to work on your interpersonal/"people" skills. That doesn't mean becoming a totally outgoing personality, but it can mean finding your comfort zone. Meanwhile, the new hobbies (reading books on a particular subject, trying to learn a new language, getting into cinema or other art forms, etc.) serve the purpose of self-improvement and education, give you something to talk about with others that could spark interest, and could put you in touch with people of similar interests, another place many relationships start from.
If you've got hobbies/passions/friendships/interests in life that are occupying your time and energy, you won't really have time or enough emotional energy to focus on bitterness over not being in a romantic relationship. Sure, it'll sting sometimes, but having more outlets in your life makes that sting a lot more fleeting. Eventually, those outlets serve to put you in that situation people talk about so much, how "a relationship just finds you, you don't really find it", because you'll be focused on those outlets and happen upon a friend-of-a-friend, somebody with a similar passion/hobby, somebody who just clicks with you or finds you attractive, etc. and maybe find yourself in a conversation with them.
The shorter point: have other emotional outlets in your life, because bitterness is the worst thing you can feel in this realm, it leads to destructive behavior. Use those outlets well, and you'll find it'll put you in a much better mindset and likely open the doors to meeting somebody who suits you.
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Post by MC Blowfish on Mar 20, 2017 13:08:38 GMT -5
That's not that short. I know guys shorter than that and they're married. It's just going to be more difficult for me though due to my personality. Being short & introverted is a horrible mix to be in terms of getting women. I can't even compensate for it with an outgoing personality that women tend to like. I'm an inch taller than you and I'm an introvert too. It can be done. I met my wife when I was 32 and she was 26. I won her over by being funny and I asked her questions about her. My first message to her was full of questions about what she did and what she was into. Honestly I'm not that funny. I just said the right things. IT can be done. If you go around playing the victim and blaming women for being picky. You'll never get anywhere. I'm not trying to be mean or rude. I apologize if I come across that way. Maybe you need to evaluate what you're looking for and look into your own personality to see what you can change. |
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Post by Hassan bin Sober on Mar 20, 2017 13:30:40 GMT -5
Get an old wedding ring and start wearing it. Also volunteer to watch people's babies and get a puppy. Go to the park with the whole set and a half-way decent set of clothes on and the women will flock to you.
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Juice
El Dandy
Wrong? Oh he can tell ya about being wrong.
I'm the one who raised you from perdition.
Posts: 8,172
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Post by Juice on Mar 20, 2017 13:35:18 GMT -5
Im short anti social (not intoverted tho) and make 9 an hr and im juggling women right now. I am jelous of you!
For real though. Online dating today is meant for like people who want to get married and share step kids. If youre going that route i know tons if people mostly female actually who just use tinder and swipe the id f*** you apps.
I know you said you're introverted but im always anazed by how easy it is to make some friends at a bar and girls if they don't immediately jump at you at least get to know you.
At least for me and im not fabio or anything.
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Post by psychokiller on Mar 20, 2017 13:58:30 GMT -5
Remind yourself: a romantic relationship isn't the end-all be-all. We've had it pounded into our heads all our lives that we're supposed to "grow up, go to school, get married, have kids", etc. etc. that people start thinking they're somehow lacking as a human being if they're not in a relationship or something, as if that's the definitive life experience that must be prioritized over all others. The great irony, however, is that thinking that way is a surefire way to miss out on a romantic relationship. Focusing too much on one closes you off from developing yourself as a person: from focusing on your own hobbies and interests, from spending more time with platonic friends, from self-reflection and improvement, etc. Dating is inevitably something involves a lot of failure, as human chemistry is tough to put together and gel properly, so focusing on that over most other things is a recipe for bitterness. Best advice I could think of is to pick up hobbies you feel passionately about and to maintain a few good platonic friendships you enjoy spending time in and around. For starters, many, many couples meet through mutual friends, but such relationships also help you to work on your interpersonal/"people" skills. That doesn't mean becoming a totally outgoing personality, but it can mean finding your comfort zone. Meanwhile, the new hobbies (reading books on a particular subject, trying to learn a new language, getting into cinema or other art forms, etc.) serve the purpose of self-improvement and education, give you something to talk about with others that could spark interest, and could put you in touch with people of similar interests, another place many relationships start from. If you've got hobbies/passions/friendships/interests in life that are occupying your time and energy, you won't really have time or enough emotional energy to focus on bitterness over not being in a romantic relationship. Sure, it'll sting sometimes, but having more outlets in your life makes that sting a lot more fleeting. Eventually, those outlets serve to put you in that situation people talk about so much, how "a relationship just finds you, you don't really find it", because you'll be focused on those outlets and happen upon a friend-of-a-friend, somebody with a similar passion/hobby, somebody who just clicks with you or finds you attractive, etc. and maybe find yourself in a conversation with them. The shorter point: have other emotional outlets in your life, because bitterness is the worst thing you can feel in this realm, it leads to destructive behavior. Use those outlets well, and you'll find it'll put you in a much better mindset and likely open the doors to meeting somebody who suits you. The thing is I don't have a social circle anymore. Everyone I know doesn't live near me anymore. I just talk to them through text now & that's it really. So I don't have that to meet anyone else & it's just very difficult to meet new people when older since they all have their own lives & friends already by that point. |
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Post by psychokiller on Mar 20, 2017 14:00:21 GMT -5
It's just going to be more difficult for me though due to my personality. Being short & introverted is a horrible mix to be in terms of getting women. I can't even compensate for it with an outgoing personality that women tend to like. I'm an inch taller than you and I'm an introvert too. It can be done. I met my wife when I was 32 and she was 26. I won her over by being funny and I asked her questions about her. My first message to her was full of questions about what she did and what she was into. Honestly I'm not that funny. I just said the right things. IT can be done. If you go around playing the victim and blaming women for being picky. You'll never get anywhere. I'm not trying to be mean or rude. I apologize if I come across that way. Maybe you need to evaluate what you're looking for and look into your own personality to see what you can change. True, I just don't know where & when it'll ever happen though. I'm not sure if I really have any interest in going back on online dating again. |
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Post by psychokiller on Mar 20, 2017 14:04:03 GMT -5
Im short anti social (not intoverted tho) and make 9 an hr and im juggling women right now. I am jelous of you! For real though. Online dating today is meant for like people who want to get married and share step kids. If youre going that route i know tons if people mostly female actually who just use tinder and swipe the id f*** you apps. I know you said you're introverted but im always anazed by how easy it is to make some friends at a bar and girls if they don't immediately jump at you at least get to know you. At least for me and im not fabio or anything. I know there's lots of single moms on online dating but not all. There seems to be some legitimately good women on there that I find attractive, the only issue is those women have tons of options so the odds of me being at the top of the list are slim to none when she has to weed through literally sometimes 100s of messages. Usually a lot of them just get stuck at the bottom. I would sometimes message women & they wouldn't even view my profile. Or sometimes they would like weeks later after I sent them a message, basically my implication of that is that my message was at the bottom of her message list & she only just got to it after weeks. And maybe it's a stereotype, but the odds aren't good of meeting a good woman at a bar/club. Not saying that they're all like that but more often then not from my own experience of being at bars/clubs is that a lot of those girls are not relationship material at all. |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 20, 2017 15:02:05 GMT -5
Im short anti social (not intoverted tho) and make 9 an hr and im juggling women right now. I am jelous of you! For real though. Online dating today is meant for like people who want to get married and share step kids. If youre going that route i know tons if people mostly female actually who just use tinder and swipe the id f*** you apps. I know you said you're introverted but im always anazed by how easy it is to make some friends at a bar and girls if they don't immediately jump at you at least get to know you. At least for me and im not fabio or anything. I know there's lots of single moms on online dating but not all. There seems to be some legitimately good women on there that I find attractive, the only issue is those women have tons of options so the odds of me being at the top of the list are slim to none when she has to weed through literally sometimes 100s of messages. Usually a lot of them just get stuck at the bottom. I would sometimes message women & they wouldn't even view my profile. Or sometimes they would like weeks later after I sent them a message, basically my implication of that is that my message was at the bottom of her message list & she only just got to it after weeks. And maybe it's a stereotype, but the odds aren't good of meeting a good woman at a bar/club. Not saying that they're all like that but more often then not from my own experience of being at bars/clubs is that a lot of those girls are not relationship material at all. I'll just say this. I applied for a job that wanted 5 years of experience (not a supervisory position in case anyone asks) where I had 0 experience in said field. Still got an interview and got the job even when that question was brought up extensively. Sometimes you just got to for it even if you know it's not very f***ing likely but who knows. Don't get discouraged and or mad and just keep marching. |
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Post by Hit Girl on Mar 20, 2017 15:39:31 GMT -5
Don't bother with dating sites. You're more likely to find a decent relationship with one of your brothers/sisters/cousins friends, or a friend of a friend, or something like that.
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Post by psychokiller on Mar 20, 2017 16:10:06 GMT -5
Don't bother with dating sites. You're more likely to find a decent relationship with one of your brothers/sisters/cousins friends, or a friend of a friend, or something like that. That's probably a big part of my problem since I don't have the luxury of any of that happening due to lack of social circle these days. |
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Post by Deleted on Mar 20, 2017 17:03:44 GMT -5
Focus on other things to drown out the bitterness. Doesn't matter if you have a social circle or not; just doing shit is enough to at least temporarily block out the feelings of jealousy and despair. I hit a personal low several months ago in regards to this that, without going into specifics, I plan on never hitting again, so I just threw myself into events and situations I'd normally avoid. Political rallies, improv comedy classes, driving out of state to meet a high school acquaintance I hadn't seen in 10 years - eventually you become so preoccupied by doing stuff that you genuinely aren't concerned with your loneliness. Even if you don't want to put in as much effort as those sorts of examples, you can cultivate your passions or discover new ones, whether it's music, gaming, etc. It's not a permanent fix but it's a lot better than wallowing.
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Post by HMARK Center on Mar 20, 2017 17:26:09 GMT -5
Remind yourself: a romantic relationship isn't the end-all be-all. We've had it pounded into our heads all our lives that we're supposed to "grow up, go to school, get married, have kids", etc. etc. that people start thinking they're somehow lacking as a human being if they're not in a relationship or something, as if that's the definitive life experience that must be prioritized over all others. The great irony, however, is that thinking that way is a surefire way to miss out on a romantic relationship. Focusing too much on one closes you off from developing yourself as a person: from focusing on your own hobbies and interests, from spending more time with platonic friends, from self-reflection and improvement, etc. Dating is inevitably something involves a lot of failure, as human chemistry is tough to put together and gel properly, so focusing on that over most other things is a recipe for bitterness. Best advice I could think of is to pick up hobbies you feel passionately about and to maintain a few good platonic friendships you enjoy spending time in and around. For starters, many, many couples meet through mutual friends, but such relationships also help you to work on your interpersonal/"people" skills. That doesn't mean becoming a totally outgoing personality, but it can mean finding your comfort zone. Meanwhile, the new hobbies (reading books on a particular subject, trying to learn a new language, getting into cinema or other art forms, etc.) serve the purpose of self-improvement and education, give you something to talk about with others that could spark interest, and could put you in touch with people of similar interests, another place many relationships start from. If you've got hobbies/passions/friendships/interests in life that are occupying your time and energy, you won't really have time or enough emotional energy to focus on bitterness over not being in a romantic relationship. Sure, it'll sting sometimes, but having more outlets in your life makes that sting a lot more fleeting. Eventually, those outlets serve to put you in that situation people talk about so much, how "a relationship just finds you, you don't really find it", because you'll be focused on those outlets and happen upon a friend-of-a-friend, somebody with a similar passion/hobby, somebody who just clicks with you or finds you attractive, etc. and maybe find yourself in a conversation with them. The shorter point: have other emotional outlets in your life, because bitterness is the worst thing you can feel in this realm, it leads to destructive behavior. Use those outlets well, and you'll find it'll put you in a much better mindset and likely open the doors to meeting somebody who suits you. The thing is I don't have a social circle anymore. Everyone I know doesn't live near me anymore. I just talk to them through text now & that's it really. So I don't have that to meet anyone else & it's just very difficult to meet new people when older since they all have their own lives & friends already by that point. To piggyback off Tactical Shield Man's point: don't let the social circle or distance kill you on that. For one thing, if you're reaching out to people via text, that's already great; heck, grow it and open up a group Google chat or something, Skype network, something like that. Don't be afraid to go a bit far to see somebody if you can swing it (obviously not telling you to drop a ton of money on plane tickets or something), keep those voices flying, it's already a healthy thing to stay in touch. Believe me, I know how this feels; I'm turning 32 next week, and I know that feeling of "Geez, my friends all work a lot or are married and moving around", stuff like that, but it's still important to stay in touch even if you can't see them that often, the connection is still meaningful. However, it does muck up the whole "meeting a friend of a friend" thing...but that's where the hobbies/interests/outlets come into the picture. This is the type of situation where it's worth looking into taking classes of some kind, even joining a workout/yoga studio or something, anything that opens up doors of communication and meeting people. Returns might not be immediate, but enough interaction at least grows your social circles over time, and again it lends that business that's so important to making you feel fulfilled or satisfied even if you don't have that relationship in your life just yet. There's an old story about Alfred Hitchcock, the legendary and enormously accomplished director; his daughter says that when he retired, he lost all the creative outlets he had, and essentially went to mush and died. It happens all too often to people who retire from a job or lose a spouse or something like that and just essentially curl up and waste away. Meanwhile, I just heard a radio interview with Carl Reiner and Mel Brooks, who are 95 and 90, respectively, and have each lost their wives, but both men keep busy each day and visit one another and end up staying sharp, alert, in good spirits, and healthy. Now obviously it's a bit easier for them; they're already famous and accomplished in the arts as writers, so sitting home and writing with your long time friend is a bit easier for them to use as an outlet, but that general idea is important for everybody, to have things in your life that you take not necessarily happiness out of, but satisfaction, which is even more important. I apply that to relationships, as well; again, having these things that bring satisfaction is what opens the door to meeting people, cultivating new relationships, etc. It's all much easier said than done: I have tons of Friday nights where I just crash on my couch, tired from work, and end up doing nearly nothing, and get anxious when I feel I'm out of the loop with my friends; thing is, once you take the proactive steps forward to do more, those bad times come, but you can accept them a bit more easily as something that just happens sometimes. |
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Juice
El Dandy
Wrong? Oh he can tell ya about being wrong.
I'm the one who raised you from perdition.
Posts: 8,172
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Post by Juice on Mar 20, 2017 17:29:22 GMT -5
Im short anti social (not intoverted tho) and make 9 an hr and im juggling women right now. I am jelous of you! For real though. Online dating today is meant for like people who want to get married and share step kids. If youre going that route i know tons if people mostly female actually who just use tinder and swipe the id f*** you apps. I know you said you're introverted but im always anazed by how easy it is to make some friends at a bar and girls if they don't immediately jump at you at least get to know you. At least for me and im not fabio or anything. I know there's lots of single moms on online dating but not all. There seems to be some legitimately good women on there that I find attractive, the only issue is those women have tons of options so the odds of me being at the top of the list are slim to none when she has to weed through literally sometimes 100s of messages. Usually a lot of them just get stuck at the bottom. I would sometimes message women & they wouldn't even view my profile. Or sometimes they would like weeks later after I sent them a message, basically my implication of that is that my message was at the bottom of her message list & she only just got to it after weeks. And maybe it's a stereotype, but the odds aren't good of meeting a good woman at a bar/club. Not saying that they're all like that but more often then not from my own experience of being at bars/clubs is that a lot of those girls are not relationship material at all. Yeah dude stereotypes are what they are for a reason, but people go out and have fun. And that's the environment they want to find people in. I met girls from online dating and most of them ended up just being one night stands. I married one for 5 years and have a great relationship with her, but the marriage kinda fell apart. It was't bullet proof just because we didn't meet at a bar. Some of my best friends and female acquaintances have come from just being social and going against my anti social ways at a bar. My GF was a combo of mutual friends of our friend and meeting to hang out as a group at a bar. |
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Post by HMARK Center on Mar 20, 2017 17:38:12 GMT -5
Yeah, I'll throw that in, as well; maybe I just happen to frequent my neighborhood bars more frequently than others, but the array of people you meet at bars can be enormous. Granted, I do live in a city, so maybe it's a different range of personality types and what have you, but it's best not to make assumptions like that, there's no one single "type" of person who likes to go out to bars.
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Post by Starshine on Mar 20, 2017 18:28:07 GMT -5
In my experience a lot of women tend to be more attracted to a great personality than physical traits. If you're a generally negative person, it could be why you're be struggling to find anyone interested.
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But I still live like a hermit. Don't socialize much. I like being alone. But those little cracks in the shell were the difference in my life.
