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Post by Lair of the Shadow MaDaBa on Jul 27, 2009 18:44:45 GMT -5
The number-one reason I'm so defeatist is because...well, I kinda earned that attitude. When I was in high school, I asked girls out, I did. Probably the nicest response I ever got was laughter. I basically learned that me even approaching a woman is downright ridiculous. I remember one girl actually told me "You don't deserve me; you don't deserve anyone." That actually became a big...I'll use the word...meme. Every day for, like, the next 100 days, a girl I've never met would come up to me at lunch and just tell me that I didn't deserve to be loved. That's how I was programmed--I don't deserve it. It's my problem, I have to live with it. I can't blame them for telling the truth and I don't. The only thing less attractive than someone who would say something like that to you is the fact that you bought into it. Again, I'm not trying to be mean but it's true. This changes everything from a matter of "why don't girls like nice guys." It really does. ANY woman, with the exception being a woman who wants a doormat to stomp all over, is going to tell you they want a man with confidence. Once again, being nice and having confidence can exist hand in hand. This nonsense - and that's exactly what it is, nonsense - that having confidence makes you bad or being nice means being weak is enraging. The fact that you didn't get mad that someone would say that to you actually says more about you than it does any woman. Rejection is a part of life. The idea isn't to let it get you down because if you do, then you'll never get anything you want. You won't get the nice woman because your attitude was too defeatist to do so and that puts the blame squarely on you and no one else. I'm sure you're a nice fellow but you're not going to meet anyone nice with that kind of attitude because even the nicest woman wants to see that a guy has confidence in himself. Those girls aren't telling the truth unless you believe it and make it the truth. .......................Yup. Pretty much.
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Post by King Boo on Jul 27, 2009 18:50:15 GMT -5
The only thing less attractive than someone who would say something like that to you is the fact that you bought into it. Again, I'm not trying to be mean but it's true. This changes everything from a matter of "why don't girls like nice guys." It really does. ANY woman, with the exception being a woman who wants a doormat to stomp all over, is going to tell you they want a man with confidence. Once again, being nice and having confidence can exist hand in hand. This nonsense - and that's exactly what it is, nonsense - that having confidence makes you bad or being nice means being weak is enraging. The fact that you didn't get mad that someone would say that to you actually says more about you than it does any woman. Rejection is a part of life. The idea isn't to let it get you down because if you do, then you'll never get anything you want. You won't get the nice woman because your attitude was too defeatist to do so and that puts the blame squarely on you and no one else. I'm sure you're a nice fellow but you're not going to meet anyone nice with that kind of attitude because even the nicest woman wants to see that a guy has confidence in himself. Those girls aren't telling the truth unless you believe it and make it the truth. .......................Yup. Pretty much. So...you're just okay with everything as they are then.
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Post by Lair of the Shadow MaDaBa on Jul 27, 2009 18:52:51 GMT -5
.......................Yup. Pretty much. So...you're just okay with everything as they are then. Well, of course I'm not OK--it's gonna hurt and it's gonna suck. I just realized that I'd have to learn to get used to it. Hell, it's not like I'm gonna be getting any better anytime soon.
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Post by King Boo on Jul 27, 2009 18:54:05 GMT -5
So...you're just okay with everything as they are then. Well, of course I'm not OK--it's gonna hurt and it's gonna suck. I just realized that I'd have to learn to get used to it. Hell, it's not like I'm gonna be getting any better anytime soon. I...don't think you understood anything I said before.
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Post by Lair of the Shadow MaDaBa on Jul 27, 2009 18:55:38 GMT -5
Not entirely, no.
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Post by King Boo on Jul 27, 2009 18:57:35 GMT -5
The whole idea was for you to NOT think of yourself that way. You need to change that about yourself to change what happens with women because at this point, it's not the women who are the problem, it's you. I hope that didn't come across as mean cause I'm not trying to be.
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bob
Salacious Crumb
The "other" Bob. FOC COURSE!
started the Madness Wars, Proudly the #1 Nana Hater on FAN
Posts: 78,486
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Post by bob on Jul 27, 2009 19:00:07 GMT -5
my girlfriend chose the nice guy ;D ;D ;D
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Post by Metalheadbanger Man on Jul 27, 2009 19:04:16 GMT -5
I heard that nice guys finish last, which works for me cos I'm not very fast.
Whoa, that could totally be a song lyric.
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Post by Non Banjoble Tokens on Jul 27, 2009 19:05:15 GMT -5
So...you're just okay with everything as they are then. Well, of course I'm not OK--it's gonna hurt and it's gonna suck. I just realized that I'd have to learn to get used to it. Hell, it's not like I'm gonna be getting any better anytime soon. You know what you need? A little comic strip called "Love Is." It's about two naked eight-year-olds who are married.
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Post by Lair of the Shadow MaDaBa on Jul 27, 2009 19:25:11 GMT -5
The whole idea was for you to NOT think of yourself that way. You need to change that about yourself to change what happens with women because at this point, it's not the women who are the problem, it's you. I hope that didn't come across as mean cause I'm not trying to be. You didn't come off as mean. I just...I have my reasons, OK? You wouldn't agree with them--I'd be willing to bet that no sane person would--but they're my reasons and I have to abide by them.
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Post by laughytaffy on Jul 27, 2009 19:53:38 GMT -5
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Post by HMARK Center on Jul 27, 2009 20:26:07 GMT -5
The whole idea was for you to NOT think of yourself that way. You need to change that about yourself to change what happens with women because at this point, it's not the women who are the problem, it's you. I hope that didn't come across as mean cause I'm not trying to be. You didn't come off as mean. I just...I have my reasons, OK? You wouldn't agree with them--I'd be willing to bet that no sane person would--but they're my reasons and I have to abide by them. No, you don't. No matter what reasoning you can give for why you do, it won't be right. Those girls did that to you in high school. It was done by a bunch of children.I understand the scarring that stuff can do, believe me; it took me a long time to overcome some of the negative experiences I had. But the idea that nothing can ever be changed is absurd. I'm STILL in the process of fixing MANY things about myself, yet I do ok with the ladies. Is it that you don't do enough things? Find a fun hobby. Find some interests you can indulge in that are also fun to bring up socially. Can't stand your body image? Work out a little, or at least go out and get some air by taking short walks. Don't like your hair? Go to a nice haircut/styling place, see what they can do. Don't like your clothes? Buy some new ones. There's almost nothing in this life that can't be changed in some way, shape, or form, and giving into the thought process that it's all static and can't change is beyond self destructive, it's delusional. You're too smart for that.
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Post by Lair of the Shadow MaDaBa on Jul 27, 2009 20:30:34 GMT -5
You didn't come off as mean. I just...I have my reasons, OK? You wouldn't agree with them--I'd be willing to bet that no sane person would--but they're my reasons and I have to abide by them. No, you don't. No matter what reasoning you can give for why you do, it won't be right. Those girls did that to you in high school. It was done by a bunch of children.I understand the scarring that stuff can do, believe me; it took me a long time to overcome some of the negative experiences I had. But the idea that nothing can ever be changed is absurd. I'm STILL in the process of fixing MANY things about myself, yet I do ok with the ladies. Is it that you don't do enough things? Find a fun hobby. Find some interests you can indulge in that are also fun to bring up socially. Can't stand your body image? Work out a little, or at least go out and get some air by taking short walks. Don't like your hair? Go to a nice haircut/styling place, see what they can do. Don't like your clothes? Buy some new ones. There's almost nothing in this life that can't be changed in some way, shape, or form, and giving into the thought process that it's all static and can't change is beyond self destructive, it's delusional. You're too smart for that. You give me far too much credit.
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Post by Macho Dude Handy Damage on Jul 27, 2009 21:30:54 GMT -5
my girlfriend chose the nice guy ;D ;D ;D Sorry to hear she's cheating on you! ;D I don't think anything any of us says to Hakuna will matter. He seems to be stuck in rut and it seems to me that in a f***ed up way, a part of him actually likes it that way. He sees it as the ultimate excuse to not change. At least that's the way I see it. If he wants to be miserable, let him. It sucked what those bitches did to you in high school but if you're never gonna allow yourself to get over that, nothing will ever change. Roxie seems to be totally right. The girls aren't the problem, you are.
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Franchise
Hank Scorpio
No you didn't.
Ronnie Garvin, you idiot! I like steak, not soup, Ronnie Garvin!
Posts: 6,879
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Post by Franchise on Jul 27, 2009 21:33:49 GMT -5
Because women who have felt some connection to you as a boyfriend or a close friend ("you" meaning all of us, no one in particular) have no idea how to handle it after you break up. So they date douchebags, because they feel "safe" and "in control".
Yeah, I got into a huge blowout with my ex-girlfriend tonight, why do you ask?
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Post by tap on Jul 27, 2009 21:46:37 GMT -5
Random relationship thoughts: I think where a lot of relationship misconceptions come from is from the language we use. I mean, in this thread, there are examples of "guys want a girl who" or "girls want a guy who." To want someone is possessive. It implies a domination of sorts. "I want you." And then that ends up being "I have you." I know people don't mean to think about love like that, but the emphasis is never about the *relation* of oneself to someone else (that in-betweenness); love as we have come to speak of it only embodies a subjective character. The very phrase "significant other" also implies something that will remain alien to understanding, something that can only be understood by conquering it (and thus killing the genuine expression of random attraction that makes it so powerful and unique to begin with). Think of it like this: the phrase "I love you." The verb "love" actually separates people. Language shapes reality. So it goes that the very thing we cherish most is that which ultimately separates us. Until we address the deficit of language, I don't think anyone really loves anyone else. I am no different or better in this case either. I'm always aware of this lack of shaping how I see love and how I do love, but I'm constricted by the very social and linguistic turns (that become further entrenched in culture). Language admittedly does not have enough words or phrases to render tangible something so wholly abstract like love. There is an irony, of course, that adding more words or phrases would only complicate our (already limited) understanding of amourous feelings. What is to be done? Exactly. We have become so focused on the saying of love (to consecrate the feelings, ultimately legitimated in the vow) that the doing of love is assumed to be a given. Love takes time, work, effort. And that is when someone is with a partner or not. Love is not a vacuum although we tend to treat it like such. We cannot render it material out of the ether. Love inherently is a violent action (informed by this video: www.youtube.com/watch?v=TJPhA9TGRls). Which was my point from earlier. There are so many people on this planet that to say love is impossible ignores the wealth of possibilities. Love also ignores biological function. It is a numbers game of male and female DNA. Monogamy is a social construction. It does exist in nature, but the fact the species has so proven how superfluous those social bonds are suggests that fidelity is not inherent. Not that it is not praise-worthy, because many positives do come out of it as well. We just need to discuss love as fully as possible, and the stricture put in place by the traditional (and rather arbitrary) demands of monogamy. So, in speaking of biology (ie. solely male and female dichotomies), we also ignore homosexual love. To reduce love to anatomical function does a disservice to the history of homosexual relationships that have existed for a very long time. One last thought: we often speak of love as a lack. "I do not have someone to love." Why can't love be something productive? Why can't love be something productive? It's not a matter of changing oneself to attract someone else. If you want to "better" yourself (a term that only means something to the person who says it, since there is no one way to better oneself), do it for you. This is why when people opine for love, why can't I, why can't they, they don't focus on what they can do for themselves. Love does not need to be considered 24/7. Pursue other goals. A boyfriend or girlfriend is not the be-all and end-all. You can make art, go to school, volunteer, start your own business, etc. Society seems to put this emphasis on relationships (most likely to keep the economy going), that if you are alone you are some kind of social leper. That's the biggest crock ever. The common denominator to all existence is that in the end all you can really rely on is your own faculty. If you are against yourself, then you only stunt your own development (as defined by you and you alone). And that doesn't benefit anyone and is probably the greatest tragedy of this thread. /end philosophizing
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Dirty Hazy
Hank Scorpio
Pictured Above: The Future Mrs. Hazy
Posts: 5,008
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Post by Dirty Hazy on Jul 28, 2009 0:12:32 GMT -5
That was an awesome read. I knew a girl like that before. That's ALL of them, thankfully I've never been in the friends spot, that I can recall offhand atm.
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Post by OblivionSorceress on Jul 28, 2009 1:20:05 GMT -5
I like nice guys. Their the ideal boyfriends/husbands. Don't worry; you'll win in the long run compared to a**hole types. ;D
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Post by Thomas Powers of Paine on Jul 28, 2009 1:23:15 GMT -5
Eventually you'll get tired of looking for a girl, give up, and then find one because you're no longer trying and women love that for some reason. Strange, majestic creatures. Discovery channel should do a special on them.
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Post by Brandon Walsh is Insane. on Jul 28, 2009 1:23:44 GMT -5
I like nice guys. Their the ideal boyfriends/husbands. Don't worry; you'll win in the long run compared to a**hole types. ;D I have a feeling that your PM box will be full by morning... Heh.
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