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Post by thegatewaydrug on Mar 3, 2011 23:54:37 GMT -5
...Will Smith and DJ Jazzy Jeff because- contrary to their hit song- Parents DO, in fact, understand. This prompts Superfly Jimmy Snuka to jump off the balcony, land in the ring, and...
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Post by HMARK Center on Mar 4, 2011 9:49:52 GMT -5
...go "TA DA!".
Sim gives his father a hug, and the two begin a rousing rendition of the classic Broadway song "Friendship", from Anything Goes, a move that draws the attention backstage of one Samoa Joe.
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bob
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Post by bob on Mar 4, 2011 11:48:38 GMT -5
He runs to ring side and starts throwing rotten tomatoes at them.
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Toates Madhackrviper
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This avatar is so far out of date I might as well stick with it forever now.
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Post by Toates Madhackrviper on Mar 4, 2011 15:30:55 GMT -5
Domino bursts out through the ring canvas, dressed in Sailor Moon cosplay. He challenges Jimmy, Sim, annd Joe to a cosplay battle royale.
'PREPARE. YOUR. OUTFITS.'
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bob
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Post by bob on Mar 4, 2011 18:13:04 GMT -5
Joe gives Domino a quizzical look and gives him a muscle buster.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 4, 2011 19:44:36 GMT -5
Domino no-sells the Muscle Buster and throws a handful of powder at Samoa Joe. Joe looks annoyed instead of blinded. Then he starts scratching like crazy because it was itching powder. Jimmy Snuka offers to draw Domino's portrait on a sketch pad, but when the camera shows the finished product, it looks to actually be a picture of Babe Ruth holding a laundry basket. Undeterred, Domino takes the "portrait" to put up for auction on ebay.
We cut back stage, where we see Brody Lee and Grizzly Redwood texting nude pictures of each other to each other while sitting at the same table. Grizzly gets pissed, though when instead of texting him a nude picture of Grizzly, Brody texts him a picture of...
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bob
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Post by bob on Mar 4, 2011 21:10:55 GMT -5
Big Daddy V!
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edgedge
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asdf
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Post by edgedge on Mar 4, 2011 22:24:04 GMT -5
Grizzly punches Brodie, sending him flying across the room at the speed of sound. Suddenly, naked Big Daddy V comes out of the cell phone and starts making sexual motions towards Sting. Sting points the bat at him and-*CENSORED*
Sting gets up off of the ground, covered in blood. He wipes the sweat off of his forehead, and then commands Jim Duggan to clean up what's left of Big Daddy V, which is just a hand. The camera pans out to reveal that they were playing checkers.
We go back to ringside, where Ric Flair is carrying Erik Watts to a **1/4 match. The match has a shocking finish when...
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Post by DSR on Mar 4, 2011 23:09:06 GMT -5
Grizzly punches Brodie, sending him flying across the room at the speed of sound. Suddenly, naked Big Daddy V comes out of the cell phone and starts making sexual motions towards Sting. Sting points the bat at him and-*CENSORED* Sting gets up off of the ground, covered in blood. He wipes the sweat off of his forehead, and then commands Jim Duggan to clean up what's left of Big Daddy V, which is just a hand. The camera pans out to reveal that they were playing checkers. We go back to ringside, where Ric Flair is carrying Erik Watts to a **1/4 match. The match has a shocking finish when... ...Flair and Watts decide to stop fighting, and sing "A Whole New World" from ALLADIN! Seth MacFarlane shows up, and says that if everyone in TNA is gonna start singing, then he's gonna start singing too! But then, Todd McFarlane shows up and sells Seth MacFarlane an original drawing of his comic book character Spawn! But the drawing comes to life and attacks Seth, so the camera cuts to Ric Flair who is just blatantly blading his own forehead for no reason whatsoever. Then we cut backstage, where Abe Vigoda is playing SIMON TM. Suddenly...
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bob
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Post by bob on Mar 4, 2011 23:24:38 GMT -5
The Kool-Aid crashes through the wall and offers Abe a glass of Kool-Aid. Abe drinks it and dies and the Kool aid man put PCP in it.
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Raging_Demons
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Post by Raging_Demons on Mar 5, 2011 13:49:57 GMT -5
Unfortunately the Kool-Aid Man killed the band "Abe Vigoda", the real Abe is somewhere planted in Conan O' Brien's house watching Impact saying "Who writes this crap?!"
MEANWHILE...
While Dude Love is looking around to see if anybody will jump him for his TNA World Title, Samoa Joe finds Seth MacFarlane's copy of the DeLorean from "Back To The Future". It turns out it's an actual working time machine.
So Samoa Joe punches in the co-ordinates (not seen by the fans) & hits 88 miles per hour to travel to...
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 5, 2011 14:08:28 GMT -5
Unfortunately the Kool-Aid Man killed the band "Abe Vigoda", the real Abe is somewhere planted in Conan O' Brien's house watching Impact saying "Who writes this crap?!" MEANWHILE... While Dude Love is looking around to see if anybody will jump him for his TNA World Title, Samoa Joe finds Seth MacFarlane's copy of the DeLorean from "Back To The Future". It turns out it's an actual working time machine. So Samoa Joe punches in the co-ordinates (not seen by the fans) & hits 88 miles per hour to travel to... 2005, to warn himself not to continue signing contracts with TNA. 2005 Samoa Joe kicks 2011 Samoa Joe in the nads, and starts touching himself while looking at pictures of Dixie Carter. 2011 Samoa Joe resigns to his fate, and returns to the iMPACT zone circa 2011. Somehow, his trip back in time has damaged the present day, as TNA is now run by Bill Watts, who married Dixie Carter. It doesn't really make any sense, but if TNA booking doesn't have to, then neither does my post. Joe looks over the past month's booking sheet, as written by Dusty Rhodes(again, no need to explain), only to see that every title match now ends in a Dusty finish involving Watts' over the top rope DQ rule. Horrified by what he has done to TNA, Joe decides to...
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bob
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Post by bob on Mar 5, 2011 15:11:33 GMT -5
go back in time with Bela Lugosi. They arrive in in New York in 1983. Bela tells Joe that if he pulls a string there's no telling how it could affect the future. Joe doesn't care and tells Bela to pull the string. He does. They both go back to present day TNA. Where.....
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Post by yapappi4life on Mar 5, 2011 16:47:15 GMT -5
DAVID YOUNG returns to spinebuster FAT Matt Hardy approximately 187 times in a row to the fans' delight. David and Eric team up as the Young Brothers and team up with Alex Wright to tar and feather Hogan, Bischoff, Dixie and Russo. They then mention that the new booker will be Mike Quackenbush and every show will be introduced with singing telegraphs. Also, Sarita and Rosita are seen in the backstage area giving an explicit fellatio to the GIANT Hernandez, who manages to injure their necks in the process, exploding his manjuice deep down their throats.
Meanwhile, Jay Lethal makes his best Paul Roma impression while Max Buck is crying his heart out over his absurd stupidity level and Twittering his thoughts on TNA. Suddenly...
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Raging_Demons
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Post by Raging_Demons on Mar 5, 2011 19:39:22 GMT -5
Jeremy Buck appears, now Roided up to absurd levels & squashed Max Buck calling him puny.
Samoa Joe & Bela Lugosi watches as Hulk Hogan walks out to the TNA ring holding ALL the titles (even the Knockout's Single & Tag Team Titles).
Hogan applies "Fingerpoke of Doom" on all of his current challengers: Abyss for the TV Title (Abyss now looks like normal Mick Foley with flannel & jogging pants), AJ Styles for the X-Division Title (Styles now looks like an even fatter tattooed version of Umaga), The Ultimate Warrior for the TNA World Title (same Warrior only he's carrying a bible, saying "TESTIFY" with his "brother" Sting.), ODB for the Knockout's Title (ODB is now a post-op transexual), & The Beautiful People for the Knockout's Tag Team Titles (Angelina Love & Velvet Sky are now 400 pounds each while still dressed in the "Beautiful People" gimmick).
Joe & Bella see Hogan's post-match ritual where Hogan is about to bend over & go anal on a very skinny alternate time-line Samoa Joe!
Joe & Bella horrified by this goes back to the DeLorean, power up the Mr. Fusion, & travel back 15 minutes earlier in 1983 New York before the moment Joe pulls the string.
Joe & Bella...
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bob
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Post by bob on Mar 5, 2011 19:49:26 GMT -5
meet zombie Boris Karloff, Howard Finkel, S.D. Jones, and Little Beaver.
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Post by HMARK Center on Mar 5, 2011 20:18:36 GMT -5
(btw, Samoa Joe and Bela Lugosi time traveling in a DeLorean might be the angle that would save TNA as a company)
Howard Finkel, it turns out, has his own time machine fashioned out of a phone booth, and has brought S.D. Jones, Little Beaver, and zombie Boris Karloff together to help CM Punk on his history presentation.
Joe and Punk meet up and decide to put their time traveling talents together, booking a show in San Diemas, CA, where TNA will be hosting a house show. Eric Bischoff, who happens to moonlight as CM Punk's history teacher, gets wind of their plan through as he stares through a space/time wormhole rift he has open inside Vince Russo's office.
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Raging_Demons
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Post by Raging_Demons on Mar 5, 2011 22:37:17 GMT -5
So Samoa Joe & CM Punk set up a House Show in San Dimas, CA to get CM Punk pass his history assignment. Unfortunately this is 1983 so everybody in the audience is snickering whenever "TNA" is announced.
1st Match/speech: SD Jones loses to CM Punk to teach the audience about the Civil War. 2nd Match/Speech: Zombie Boris Karloff is chasing around Little Beaver to teach about Oppression. 3rd match/Speech: Howard Finkel reenacts the Assassination of JFK using Bela Lugosi's strings for the special effects. Final Match: Samoa Joe "kills" an audience member threatening the teacher to pass CM Punk's history assignment ...or else!
CM Punk gets an A for the class. Samoa Joe & Bela get back in the DeLorean to travel back to the present TNA.
The Present TNA looks the same except for a 50-foot Christy Hemme & the owner of TNA for years is...
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Post by HMARK Center on Mar 5, 2011 23:10:58 GMT -5
Charlie Sheen, who, in this timeline, has a goatee.
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bob
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Post by bob on Mar 6, 2011 0:58:40 GMT -5
He's all about winning and as is the TNA World champion.
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