"Lessons" we've learned from video games

[The Tank]

If there's one thing I've picked up from all the video games I've played in the 20+ years of my life, it's this:

ALL PHARMACEUTICAL COMPANIES ARE EVIL. DO NOT TRUST THEM. THEY WILL KILL YOU AND YOUR FAMILIES WITH NO REGRET, AND WILL EVEN UNLEASH THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE IF THERE'S MONEY TO BE MADE...because apparently there's a wide profit margin in zombie apocalypse....ses.....es. Apocalypsi?

Point being, pharmaceutical companies are evil.

And now, post more pieces of "important life information" you've learned from video games.

[67 more]

If you ever see a turtle, you should jump on it's back or throw fire at it.

[Clash, Never a Meter Maid]

- The stars in the sky are made of clusters of buildings. And cows, in some cases.

- When you see a mushroom, eat it. If it's red, you grow 3 times your size, If it's green, you will be resurrected right from the point where you first died.

- In the future, only bald, angry-looking marines will be sent into space.

[Krimzon]

After picking up a hooker, you can get your money back by killing her afterwards. She will eventually disappear and you won't go to jail.

Also, not only is it acceptable to capture creatures, but making them fight each other is not only encouraged, it's allowed.

[El Cokehead del Knife Fight]

Eating food is the best way to heal a bullet wound.

[Shameful_Lobsterhead]

No matter how many times you die; you will automatically wake up outside the hospital feeling good as new with half of your money gone

[EoE: Well There's Your Problem]

Do not spill blood on your belt buckle. You know, just in case it summons a giant fire beast that transports you to a strange new world.

[Cyno]

If you see a candelabra, smack it with a whip. You could get a knife, axe, holy water, or cross.

Also, smack the walls every so often and you might just find a pot roast hiding in it.

[W?Y]

Funny story: I actually learned the word "Ilex" from Pokemon Gold. I used it in a Scrabble game against my aunt, and challenged that it was a word. I was right, and I proceeded to win.

[Fundertaker]

If nothing else works, just destroy the damn thing.

[ptp2011]

Walk on something, it will automatically go into your pocket.

Eat a leaf and you grow a tail. Eat a flower, you can throw fireballs.

Onions and turnips are effective weapons.

You can eat millions of dots, fruits, ghosts, etc. and never get fat.

Even if you drive 100 MPH into a brick wall, your car won't even have a scratch.

If you take a piss, you will be stronger.

If there's a crack in the wall, shoot a missile at it, you need to get through there. Don't worry, the rest of the building, and whatever's behind the wall will stay perfectly intact.

You don't need scuba gear, there are bubble generators randomly scattered around the sea floor.

No matter what kind of machine a scientist builds, you only need to hit it 8 times to destroy it.

Any baseball player can hit lots of homeruns, you don't need to be Mark McGuire or Babe Ruth. Also, an outfielder can simply stand in one spot and raise his hands, the baseball will automatically come to him so he can catch it.

It only costs $100 to live twice as long.

Every animal wants to kill you.

An ordinary human being can jump about 15 feet into the air barely trying.

[hassanchop]

You can take someone's belongings from a treasure chest and they won't mind.

If you even touch an enemy you still get hurt.

Every civilian will say the same thing every time you talk to them.

Monsters will pop up anywhere.

[YellowJacketY2J]

Jan 20, 2011 11:26:03 GMT -5 Krimzon said:

Also, not only is it acceptable to capture creatures, but making them fight each other is not only encouraged, it's allowed.

This is "lessons" we've learned from video games, not Michael Vick's life philosophy.

[Magnus the Magnificent]

Violence is (almost) always the answer to any problem you might have.

[Methusael86]

Touching spikes will instantly kill you, no matter how well protected your body is.

[Ash Kingston]

Just because it's "dead" doesn't mean it's dead; it means that it's going to become some horrible monster, mutation, or vaguely phallic demon (THANKS, JAPAN.) This chance rises to 97% if there's a thunderstorm going on at the time.

Anyone can be the "King of Evil" if they put their mind to it and have good Public Relations.

Medical licenses are optional for treating virus outbreaks.

[minigolfhool]

The US president's bodyguards are just for show because he has a nearly unstoppable mech suit in the White House's basement.

If someone asks you to show them the way from point A to point B don't be suprised if they get stuck in corners and need to be freed.

A crowbar is all you need to fight off an interdimensional attack against the Earth.

[hassanchop]

Bullets are conveniently scattered everywhere and you can use them.

Helicopters are easy to operate.

You leave your vehicle broken and you come back where you last left it it's still there.

If a door is locked, you must find a way through strange riddles for a solution to open it rather than just breaking it down with a pipe or hammer you have with you, you can't even shoot the lock.

[76flyingeagles]

With a little bit of manual labor you will almost find gold (coins) anywhere.

[Pervy Stone Cold]

Lets say you are holding a chaingun but have 0 ammo for it. The exact SECOND you walk over a box of ammo you can begin firing the chaingun's bullets.