ededdneddy
Hank Scorpio
ededdandembed
Posts: 5,697
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Post by ededdneddy on Jul 31, 2014 17:56:20 GMT -5
Triple H: And once again, tithing is 10% off the top. That's gross income, not net. Please, people, don't force us to audit. [The roster murmurs] Now, I'm going to pass this around a second time. John Cena, if you'll do the honors.
Heyman: I wouldn't do that, Mr. COO. You see, ''Saint Cena'' is as crooked as you or me. That's right. It's my sad duty to rat out this man for defrauding a car wash. How, you ask? With a phony wrestling-discount card.
Roster: [Murmuring]
Cena: Well, that's not quite true.
Heyman: Did you or did you not use a wrestlers discount card at said car wash?
Cena: Well, I did, but.....
Heyman: Now, I'm not a fancy, big-city lawyer. [ All Gasp ] But it seems to me that an actual wrestler has to be able to use more than 5 moves. Isn't that so?
Cena: Well, yes.
Heyman: And you have how many?
Cena: [Sighs] I suppose, if you must know, I, Well I....I have 6.
Rusev: God, he's so good.
Del Rio: He' s unbelievable.
Rollins: What's your secret for all this success Cena? Goat placenta? Monkey sweat?
Otunga: Some kind of electric hat?
Ambrose: Holy water? It's holy water, right? [throws holy water onto his face] Aah! It burns!
Cena: Listen, folks.There's no magic formula. I just follow the three steps- Hustle, Loyalty, and Respect [Roster starts Groaning] And, of course, I resist all the major urges.
Slater: All of them?
Summer Rae: You mean you've never splurged and, say, eaten an entire birthday cake then blamed it on your friend?
Layla: Oh?
Renee: You've never licked maple syrup off your lover's stomach? [Reigns quietly groans in a bit of an embrassed way]
Hunico: You've never snuck out during a taping to break into cars?
Cena: No, no and double no. I haven't done any of those things, folks. You name it, I haven't done it.
Heyman: Geez, Cena, you're a 16 time World Champion and you haven't lived a day in your life.
Kofi: Yeah, even the boy in the bubble had a deck of cards. [Roster chatters amoungst themselves]
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MiLB Fan
Fry's dog Seymour
Posts: 20,374
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Post by MiLB Fan on Jul 31, 2014 18:01:51 GMT -5
Vince McMahon calls a stock hotline for the latest update on his company's performance:
Phone Voice: For current stock price, please state company name.
Vince: WWE.
Phone Voice: WWE. Up one dollar.
Vince: Yahoo!
Phone Voice: Yahoo. Up sixty-three cents.
Vince: Huh? What is this crap?
Phone Voice: Impact Wrestling. Down eight.
(Yes, I know TNA isn't a publicly-traded company. But really, is there anything more appropriate?)
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ededdneddy
Hank Scorpio
ededdandembed
Posts: 5,697
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Post by ededdneddy on Jul 31, 2014 21:02:14 GMT -5
Naomi: Titus, didn't Darren seem a little "festive" to you?
Titus: Couldn't agree more, happy as a clam.
Naomi: He prefers the company of men!
Titus: Who doesn't?
Naomi: Titus, listen carefully. Darren is a Ho - mo...
Titus: Right.
Naomi: ...Sexual.
Titus: AAAAHHH!
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Post by Pipe_Bomb2k13 on Aug 1, 2014 5:10:04 GMT -5
Vince: Someday you'll thank me for this, son. Shane: Not bloody likely. Vince: No, it's true. When I was a boy, I wanted to own the whole wrestling, but my dad wouldn't get it for me. So I held my breath until I passed and hit my head on the coffee table. The doctor thought I might have brain damage. Shane: Dad, what's the point of this story? Vince: I like stories. Shane: Look, can I please go to New Japan? Vince: I know my punishment may seem a little harsh, but I can't go back on it. You're welcome to watch anything you want on the WWE Network. Shane: WWE Network sucks. Vince: I know you're upset right now, so I'll pretend you didn't say that.
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ededdneddy
Hank Scorpio
ededdandembed
Posts: 5,697
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Post by ededdneddy on Aug 1, 2014 16:12:03 GMT -5
Del Rio: As hard as it is to believe, some people don't care for me, neither.
Slater: (shakes head) No, I won't accept that.
Del Rio: No, it's true. I got their names written down right here, in what I call my, uh, "enemies list".
Ricardo: (takes the list from Del Rio and reads it) John Cena, Daniel Bryan, Big Show... Hey, this is Triple H's enemies list! You just crossed out his name and put yours.
Del Rio: Oh okay, (writes down) Ricardo.
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FHgrad99
Vegeta
Never mind that s***, here comes Mongo!
Posts: 9,018
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Post by FHgrad99 on Aug 1, 2014 18:02:22 GMT -5
Reporter: Could Rusev be a communist? His spokesperson, Lana spoke out on his behalf. Lana: My Rusev is not a communist. He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a communist, but he is *not* a porn star!
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Post by KAMALARAMBO: BOOMSHAKALAKA!!! on Aug 8, 2014 13:58:50 GMT -5
*Royal Rumble 2000*
Jim Ross: Hey King, TAKA's really hurt. I think he broke his shoulder. Jerry Lawler: I said, "Ha ha."
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Sc
Don Corleone
Must think of something witty to put here...
Posts: 1,417
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Post by Sc on Aug 22, 2014 0:27:48 GMT -5
Bumping this up during The Simpsons marathon.
Dave: "Watch this, Bryan. You can actually pinpoint the second when his career gets destroyed." Xavier Woods (on video): "It's... morphin'... time!"
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Post by RI Richmark on Aug 23, 2014 18:48:11 GMT -5
At Night of Champions, Hulk Hogan has a chat with John Cena.
Hogan: All right, John, I'm not gonna lie to you. There's a good chance you can beat Lesnar. But you gotta visualize how you're gonna win, okay?
Cena: Gotcha. [dreams on about his victory]
Michael Cole: A congenital heart defect has apparently felled Lesnar moments before he could step into the ring.
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Post by EvenBaldobombHasAJob on Aug 23, 2014 19:44:27 GMT -5
Triple H: Sami Zayn, the president of WWE would like to see you. Vince: Nasty business, that botch. Naturally, WWE's doors are now closed to you, but I'll pass your file along to (snickers) TNA. Triple H: Mmmm, TNA. Heckuva school. Weren't you at TNA, Xavier Woods? Woods: Yep. Almost got their world title, too. Zayne: No! Not TNA, TNA, TNA... (continues repeating "TNA" as the scene fades back into reality) William Regal: Sami, you're saying "BTNA" an awful lot. Are you okay?
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Kevin Steen: Mr. Nash! Mr. McMahon! Come on! Kevin Nash: Who are you? Steen: Kevin Steen, smark buster! And I'm getting you outta here! Nash: (clutching his leg) Gaah! I can't, Kevin! I pulled my quad! You guys go on without me! Steen: Never! (picks Nash and Vince up) Follow me! (Steen kicks nerds aside as he brings Nash and Vince into a rented limo Nash was in moments ago. He shuts the ship's door, then opens it a couple seconds later). How was I supposed to know it's not a real limo?
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Ric Flair: Better put on the old Flair charm! *he starts to walk towards the group of women, moving and humming like he's had a few drinks beforehand* Linda McMahon: *Gasps, then shrieks* PERVERT!!!!!! Flair: Oh boy, that sounded bad...
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Vince: So, you're never going to eat any animal again? What about bacon? Daniel Bryan: No. Vince: Ham? Bryan: No. Vince: Pork chops? Bryan: Boss, those all come from the same animal! Vince: (sarcastically) Yeah right, Daniel, a wonderful, magical animal!
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DjZonk
Don Corleone
Where's my cat?
Posts: 1,325
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Post by DjZonk on Aug 24, 2014 10:33:13 GMT -5
Emma is basically Dancing Homer when you look at her transition from NXT to Raw. Capitol City Goofball she ain't!
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Post by KAMALARAMBO: BOOMSHAKALAKA!!! on Aug 24, 2014 12:27:08 GMT -5
JBL, Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler at SummerSlam: Go Cena he's our man if he can't do it no one can!
*16 suplexes later*
JBL: I guess no one can!
*Lesnar glances over at commentary*
Lawler: Run for it! He's not through feeding!
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ededdneddy
Hank Scorpio
ededdandembed
Posts: 5,697
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Post by ededdneddy on Aug 24, 2014 12:40:31 GMT -5
Vince McMahon: Okay, maybe I did steal from the other territories. But so what? Wrestling is built on plagiarism. If it weren’t for someone plagiarizing Jack Sparrow we wouldn’t have Pirate Paul Burchill. If someone hadn’t ripped off Superman, there’d be no John Cena. Scarface, Razor Ramon. (Scott Hall stares at Vince), Cults, hah! The Ministry, The Wyatt Family, The Ascension. Your Honor, you take away our right to steal ideas, where are they gonna come from? (points to Eva): Her? Eva: How about.....Stone Cold ET?
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ededdneddy
Hank Scorpio
ededdandembed
Posts: 5,697
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Post by ededdneddy on Aug 25, 2014 18:19:11 GMT -5
[Finlay and Noble interrogate Tyson Kidd with a lie detector.] Finlay: Do you hold a grudge against Triple H?
Kidd: No. [buzz, red light] All right, maybe I did. But I didn't bury him! [ding, green light]
Noble: Checks out. Okay, sir, you're free to go.
Kidd: Good, 'cause I got a WWE World Heavyweight Championship Match tonight. [buzz] A Main Event Match. [buzz] Tag Team Match on Smackdown. [buzz] A Match on NXT.[buzz] A Dark Match. [buzz] All right! I'm going to sit at home and watch my wife model Victoria's Secret underwear for me! [buzz] Watch old wrestling tapes. [ding] Now, would you unhook this already, please?! I don't deserve this kind of shabby treatment! [buzz]
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FHgrad99
Vegeta
Never mind that s***, here comes Mongo!
Posts: 9,018
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Post by FHgrad99 on Aug 25, 2014 21:33:28 GMT -5
Referee: I'm sorry Sabu, no weapons. Sabu: A steel chair is not a weapon, ref. It's a tool. Like a butcher knife, or a harpoon, or...uh, a...an alligator.
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Post by KAMALARAMBO: BOOMSHAKALAKA!!! on Aug 27, 2014 20:54:41 GMT -5
Indie Wrestling Fan: But why? Why did you sign the wrestlers we love and ruin them?
Vince McMahon: Because you need me, wrestling fans. Your guilty conscience may force you to watch indie wrestling, but deep down, you secretly long for a cold-hearted businessman to lower complex storytelling, brutalize wrestler's move sets and rule you like a king. That's why I did it...to save you from yourselves.
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Post by RI Richmark on Aug 28, 2014 1:06:33 GMT -5
Triple H: Scott, you cannot miss Hulk's birthday. And you have to come sober!
Scott Hall: American sober or Irish sober?
Triple H: .08 sober!
Hall: .15.
Triple H: .09!
Hall: .10 with a stomach full of bread. My final offer.
Triple H (groans): Deal.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I know, it's TNA but it fits:
Dixie Carter (looks over her books): Well, there's only one way to recoup my losses. (pours some gasoline over the Impact Zone and sets it on fire with a match stick)
Rockstar Spud: Oh, whoa, wait a minute. Don't you have to buy insurance first?
Dixie: Oh, crap.
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MrElijah
Crow T. Robot
Posts: 42,886
Member is Online
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Post by MrElijah on Aug 28, 2014 17:49:01 GMT -5
*A Huge brawl is happening outside the simpsons house between WWE & New Japan Pro Wrestling*
Homer: Look at him Marge *Points to Shinsuke Nakamura* You know he's gonna do something cool!
Marge: Come on, Homer *Drags him in & locks the door*
Nakamura: YYYYYEEEEAAAOOOWWWWW!! *Hits the Bomba Ye* NJPW Announcer: Bomba Yeeeeee!!!!!! Michael Cole: To the skull! JBL: I LOVE IT MAGGLE
Homer: Ohhhhhhh....
Lisa: [yawning] What's going on outside?
Marge: Oh it's just a interpromotional wrestling war. Go back to sleep,honey.
*Kazuchika Okada get thrown in the kitchen window. Gets up*
Okada: Forgiveness, please! *Does Rainmaker Pose. And runs back outside*
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FHgrad99
Vegeta
Never mind that s***, here comes Mongo!
Posts: 9,018
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Post by FHgrad99 on Aug 28, 2014 18:26:17 GMT -5
Stephanie: There must be a website that can help you deal with poor ratings.
Vince: Oh, I don’t want to bother the internet with my problem.
Triple H.: Aw, come on, Vince. We’ll help you surf.(Vince sits down at the computer, grabs the mouse and starts clicking away)
Triple H.: Click that one, Vince.
Stephanie: No, go up.
Triple H.: Keep going--up, up, up!
Stephanie: The blue ones are ads.
Triple H.: That’s the toolbar.
Stephanie: No you’ve opened Word; close it!
Triple H.: Close it. Do-don’t save it!
Stephanie: Stop clicking.
Triple H.: Don’t go there!
Stephanie: Why are you buying a freezer?!
Triple H.: Don’t click the cart or you’ve bought it!
Stephanie: Aw, you clicked the cart!
Vince: (Upset) If you’re so smart, you do it!(Triple H. pushes one button and finds a TV ratings website)
Vince: (Groans)
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Post by RI Richmark on Aug 28, 2014 20:41:55 GMT -5
Vince is trying to find a guest star for RAW:
Vince: Kofi, do you know LeBron James?
Kofi Kingston: What, you think just because I'm black I know all other black people?!
Vince: uh...um, well, uh
Kofi: Actually, LeBron and I are very good friends. We met through Denzel Washington at a party at Jay-Z's house. -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Zack Ryder tells the story of his push:
Zack: I was the happiest Broski in the world, but fate likes to play a little game called 'Up Yours, Ryder.' ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Triple H is talking with Seth Rollins
Triple H: I keep my friends close...
Seth: But your enemies closer?
Triple H: No! Why would I do that? If I kept my enemies close, they would hurt me!
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And some more TNA fun:
Bob Carter: I just think you should saving your money.
Dixie Carter: Way ahead of you, Dad. I just ordered a series of tapes on saving money. They should get here soon. I paid a bundle for overnight delivery.
Bob: I have a book from the library with the same information!
Dixie: Okay, I'll just hire a haulage firm to haul them away... at my expense! [she picks up the phone and dials 4-1-1] Directory assistance?
Bob: No more directory assistance! It's not free.
Dixie: Well, I'll get a lawyer on that. No, a whole team of lawyers, who will dine on mustard flown in from the Orient.
Bob: No more Oriental mustard!
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