ededdneddy
Hank Scorpio
ededdandembed
Posts: 5,697
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Post by ededdneddy on Aug 28, 2014 22:45:33 GMT -5
*at WWE Fan Axcess before it opens Ryder sees a statue of Triple H with a shovel and a speech box next to it. Ryder presses the button*
Triple H: Only who can prevent buring your career? [Ryder chooses the "You" button over the "Me"] You pressed "you," referring to me. That is incorrect. The correct answer is "you".
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ededdneddy
Hank Scorpio
ededdandembed
Posts: 5,697
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Post by ededdneddy on Aug 29, 2014 12:23:57 GMT -5
Orton: So, Triple H is gonna make us all go on a stupid corporate retreat up in the mountains to learn about teamwork. Which means we'll have to cancel our plans to hang around here.
Seth Rollins: Teamwork is overrated.
Orton: Huh?
Seth Rollins: Think about it. I mean, what team was The Rock on? Who knows.
Stephanie & Kane: The Nation of Domination.
Seth Rollins: Sharing is a bunch of bull, too. And helping others. And what's all this crap I've been hearing about tolerance?
Orton: Hmm. Your ideas are intriguing to me and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter. ---------------------------------------- Triple H: Each two-man team will work its way through the wilderness to a cabin hidden somewhere on this mountain. The routes are trecherous, so use your maps.
Sami Zayn: [raising hand] Uhh, I lost my map.
Triple H: You haven't been issued a map, yet. When you arrive at the cabin, there will be a congratulatory party with sandwiches and moderately-priced champagne. [the crowd applauds]
Vince: Now, as an added incentive, the second-to-last team to arrive at the cabin will receive an hilarious "world's greatest tag team." trophey.
Mojo: Hey, this sounds like fun!
Vince: And the last team to arrive will be fired.
Mojo: [chuckles] [realizing] Uh-oh.
Vince: And to show that I'm not playing favorites, both Triple H and I will be participating. Who knows? I might be the unlucky one who gets fired. [sotto voice] Not bloody likely.
Triple H: I've placed all your names in this hat.
Big E: Ooh!
Triple H: Thank you. Now pair off as I draw your names. Slater and....O'Neil.
Titus: Aw nuts! I mean, um... Aw nuts.
Triple H: *Team after team, the employees are paired off* Dallas and Truth. Rusev and Ziggler. Wyatt and Ambrose. Cena and... McMahon?!
Cena: *moans, but then realizes he's on the one possible team that can't be fired*
Triple H: Sir, this can't be right. You assured me this drawing was rigged so we'd be teammates.
Vince: Yes, well, frankly, you've been a bit of a pill lately. Like not doing things MY way.
Triple H: Why do we always fight on vacation? Well, there's only one name left. Whoever it is will be paired with me. And that person is......Zack Ryder. *sighs* Perfect. That's just perfect.
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Heartbreaker
King Koopa
Is actually Bindi Irwin
RIP Punk's media scrum, Page 54, Muffins, Biting People Bad™ (2022 - 2022)
Posts: 11,846
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Post by Heartbreaker on Sept 5, 2014 19:36:57 GMT -5
Stephanie McMahon: Hold it son. Wouldn't you rather have an exciting Diva's Championship angle? Fan: Uh, but Paige vs. AJ Lee only fits in my divas title angle. Stephanie McMahon: Ha! Are you nuts? The Bellas fit in there perfectly. *shoves the Bella Twins in the Paige and AJ Lee story* Stephanie McMahon: Look they're fitting right now! Fan: Ahhhhh! You broke my Diva's Championship angle! Stephanie McMahon: Broke or made it better?
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Post by SCCB Was Told To Do Steroids on Sept 5, 2014 21:30:58 GMT -5
Booking: [Cena has agreed to win the belt after the vacancy.] Take this object, but beware it carries a terrible curse! Cena : Ooh, that's bad. Booking: But it comes with a free frogurt! Cena:That's good. Booking: The frogurt is also cursed. Cena: That's bad. Booking: But you get your choice of toppings. Cena: That's good! Booking: The toppings contain potassium benzoate. [Cena looks puzzled] Booking: ...That's bad. Cena: Can I go now?
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ededdneddy
Hank Scorpio
ededdandembed
Posts: 5,697
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Post by ededdneddy on Sept 5, 2014 22:13:12 GMT -5
Hogan: I rounded up every jobber that ever wrestled in the WWE so I can prove to you there's nothing wrong with losing. This is your old running buddy B-2. Go ahead, B-2, tell Cena what its like to be a jobber and get some losses here and there.
B-2: I lost my job.
Hogan: Okay... uh, this is Yoshi Tatsu!
Yoshi Tatsu: Um, I got beaten up by Nexus cause I said Cena was my friend.
Hogan: [More nervously] Uh well who needs friends, right? [frantically looks for a successful jobber and spots a few guys in sweater vests smoking cigars.]
Hogan: You guys look pretty successful!
Pete Gas: Thanks! We had better gimmicks than Cena but yet nobody cared for us. [sighs defeatedly] At least, that's what it felt like for me at the 15th Anniversary of RAW. [gets moral support from Rodney & Joey Abs]
Flair: You probably should have researched this first, eh Hogan?
Hogan: What about you?
Super Crazy: Well, sir, I Am Super. I Am Crazy. I Am Super Crazy!
Tyson Kidd: I beg creative to get me a feud.
Virgil: I'm alone at conventions.
Shawn Stasiak: I don't know what Mecca means.
Zack Ryder: My legs hurt.
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Post by RI Richmark on Sept 5, 2014 22:29:50 GMT -5
Cesaro confronts Sheamus:
Cesaro: All right, Sheamus. I don't like you, and you don't like me.
Sheamus: I like you.
Cesaro: Um, all right. You do like me, but I don't like you.
Sheamus: Maybe you would like me if you got to know me.
Cesaro: What are you, a comedian?
Sheamus: Well, I'm no Margaret Cho, but I do a pretty fair Columbo impression. Eh, one more thing-- One... I should get a glass of water.
Cesaro: Aaaarrrggghh..!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Hulk Hogan talks about meeting the stars of today:
Hogan: Dean Ambrose gave me a kidney once. It wasn't his, I didn't need it, and it came with postage due, but it was a lovely gesture.
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ededdneddy
Hank Scorpio
ededdandembed
Posts: 5,697
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Post by ededdneddy on Sept 5, 2014 22:43:25 GMT -5
Dr. Shelby: Brie Bella, your husband has clearly been brainwashed by the evil and charismatic Bray Wyatt.
Brie: Are you sure you can get him back for us?
Dr. Shelby: Absolutely. I'm the one who successfully deprogrammed Audrey Marie, you know.
Brie: What about Eli Cottonwood?
Dr. Shelby: Oh, that was a heartbreaker. But I did get Scott Hall out DDPs program.
Kane: You idiot! Hes the one who needs help the most!!!
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Post by boogeyman on Sept 6, 2014 1:19:01 GMT -5
AJ: Now why would somebody become a bully? Daniel Bryan: Abuse! Dolph: Neglect Punk: i'm a cubs fan
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DawgRawx
AC Slater
One Bad Egg
Posts: 206
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Post by DawgRawx on Sept 6, 2014 2:15:23 GMT -5
Stephanie McMahon: Hold it son. Wouldn't you rather have an exciting Diva's Championship angle? Fan: Uh, but Paige vs. AJ Lee only fits in my divas title angle. Stephanie McMahon: Ha! Are you nuts? The Bellas fit in there perfectly. *shoves the Bella Twins in the Paige and AJ Lee story* Stephanie McMahon: Look they're fitting right now! Fan: Ahhhhh! You broke my Diva's Championship angle! Stephanie McMahon: Broke or made it better? *single tear*
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Post by RI Richmark on Sept 6, 2014 19:54:07 GMT -5
Triple H makes his entrance:
Kid 1: You suck Triple H, we want Daniel Bryan!
Kid 1 & 2: No! No! No! No! No!
Mother: Children please. That's not very nice.
Kid 2: Mom, he's a professional wrestler. He hears these things all the time. It rolls right down his back.
(With a close-up you see a single tear roll down Triple H's face)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Vince McMahon attends NXT tryouts:
Kevin Steen: (clears throat) My name is Kevin Steen!
Vince: Now, that's just bad. You've got no attitude, you're barely outrageous, and I don't know what you're in, but it's not my face. Next!
Steen: (angry) Oh, no attitude, eh? Not in your face, huh? Well, you can cram it with walnuts, ugly!
Vince: That's it! That's the Superstar attitude, do that again!
Steen: Huh? I can't, I don't remember what I did.
Vince: Then you don't get a contract. Next!
Steen: (sarcastically) Oh, I don't get a contract, do I? We-ell boo-hoo! I don't get to be a WWE Superstar!
Vince: That's it, you've got a contract!
Steen: (still sarcastic) Oh, now I've got a contract, huh? (quietly) Oh, thank you.
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Post by KAMALARAMBO: BOOMSHAKALAKA!!! on Sept 9, 2014 20:10:51 GMT -5
HHH: Ah, NXT. Where hard-working indie workers dream of becoming lazy, overexposed sports entertainers.
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Post by jjdash on Sept 9, 2014 21:18:46 GMT -5
Brodus Clay: So, what you in here for? Tyson Kidd: I moved here from Canada and they think I'm slow, eh. Ryder: I got pushed off the stage and when I woke up I was in here. Kane: I start fires!
....
Vince: [Talking on the phone, seeming more and more concerned as the conversation progresses] What happened?... When did that happen?... How many suplexes?... Oh my goodness, I'll be right up! [Hangs up the phone] Vince: Steph, I've gotta go, there's a problem upstairs! Somebody just beat Cena clean.
....
Colt Cabana is watching TV
Man on Video: (Video advertising WWE) WWE, where dreams come true! [Disclaimer] Man on Video: Your dreams may vary from those of WWE, its subsidiaries and shareholders.
....
Vince: By the way, Hunter, who's your least favorite superstar? Rollins or Ryder? Homer: Ryder. [Vince adjusts a giant laser cannon pointing towards the sky] Vince: Heh heh heh. Nobody ever says Rollins...
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Post by Zaq "That Guy" Buzzkill on Sept 19, 2014 10:54:02 GMT -5
Former WWE employees seminar DDP: Now, close your eyes for a moment and really listen to that inner voice inside, your inner child. Listen! What's he saying?
Mick Foley: [inside] Stay the course, baby boy. You're doing super!
Tommy Dreamer: [inside] Food goes in here! [spoken] It sure does.
Muhammad Hassan: [inside] Hey, Muhammad, what's-a-matter? You no talka with you accent no more. [spoken] Mama mia!
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Post by Ron Woodsman aka Shempaholic on Sept 19, 2014 19:53:01 GMT -5
"And that's how WWE won the Monday Night War." ***Dramatization. May not have happened.***
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Post by Ryback on a Pole! on Sept 20, 2014 3:34:57 GMT -5
The new NXT students all await their introduction to the company
Vince: [on TV] Hi guys! Welcome to NXT! Hoo huh hoo heh ha heh! I'll see you in a few weeks! Until then, I turn things over to my bestest buddy in the whole wide world, [obviously dubbed] <William Regal>. I want you to treat <William Regal> with the same respect you would give me. Now here's <William Regal>.
William Regal: Thank you, Mr McMahon, and welcome, wrestlers. I am Mr. Regal, your General Manager. For the past 15 years I was a member of the WWE. I'll take any questions you might have. You. And then, uh, one more.
Kevin Steen: Can we call you Uncle Regal?
William Regal: No. Last question.
Kenta: When do we get to see Vince?
William Regal: Ahh, he will be along eventually. In the meantime, our trainers, Bill DeMott, Robbie Brookside and Billy Gunn will be happy to handle any problems you may have.
William Regal leaves and all the students sit in silence, staring at the three trainers.
Fergal Devitt: <coughs>
Bill DeMott: Looks like we got ourselves a troublemaker.
Robbie Brookside grabs Devitt by the shirt and carries him off.
A few weeks later....
William Regal speaks before the NXT lockeroom.
Regal: Well, guys, uh, I promised you a little treat in lieu of dinner, and here it is. The man who took an abandoned mule tannery and turned it into a global wrestling compant: Mr. Vincent Kennedy McMahon.
Kenta: See, I told you Vince would come. Just like I said. He he. He's gonna bring us food and water and smite our enemies!
Scott Hall, dressed as Vince McMahon, stumbles onto stage.
William Regal: Now, I must tell you kids, uh, Vince has laryngitis and a bad back so he won't be saying anything, or doing anything.
Sami Zayn: Vince looks fat.
Bayley: He's really having trouble keeping his balance.
Mojo: He's still funny, but not "ha-ha" funny.
KENTA: That's not Vince McMahon!
Wrestlers: <gasp>
Regal: What do you think? I slapped a Vince suit on some wino? <chuckles nervously>
Scott Hall: Yeah, KENTA. I am so Lance McMahon! <belches>
KENTA: All right, that's it! I've been scorched by Vincebefore. I got a rapid heartbeat from those WWE Brand vitamins, my John Cena calculator didn't have a 7 or an 8, and Chris Jericho's autobiography was self-serving with many glaring omissions, but this time he's gone too far! We want Vince!
Wrestlers: We want Vince! We want Vince!
Scott Hall: Yeah, we want Lance! We want Lance!
Regal: I thought you said you broke their spirits.
Bill DeMott: We did.
Regal: You broke nothing!
KENTA: Let's get 'em!
Regal: To the hydrofoil!
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Sept 21, 2014 13:00:56 GMT -5
*Stone Cold has been hit by a car, and nobody knows who did it*
Mick Foley: "Heheheh, well I can't solve this mystery." *points to the camera with a straight face* "Can you?" *the shot lingers for a moment, before the camera zooms out to reveal Foley is actually pointing at Big Bossman* Bossman: *smiles nervously* "I guess I have to. That's my job, right?"
*a somber version of Stone Cold Steve Austin's theme plays*
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Post by RI Richmark on Sept 26, 2014 19:09:21 GMT -5
Vince continues to meet new talent:
Prince Devitt: (introducing himself) Prince Devitt.
Vince: Hmm. Never work on a marquee. From now on, your name is Finn Balor.
Prince/Finn: (unhappily) That is a great dishonor to my family and my fans...(brightens) but okay!
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