WM Commentary Depreciation Station

[HMARK Center]

Honest question: could that team have been any worse last night? I know people talk about how bad they are, the times I do watch them they're pretty bad, but that was all-out painful last night.

There's a bunch of factors that keep me from watching WWE regularly, but this may have taken the cake for me, to be honest:

-IC title ladder match, Zayn gives Owens a suplex on to a ladder in what wound up being one of the sickest bumps I've seen a wrestler take in WWE. Michael Cole's voice didn't even change timbre, and even while Owens was laying there like a corpse, not moving an inch, commentary completely ignored him. Guy just took one of the meanest bumps in company history, you'd think it'd at least warrant a "GOOD GOD ALMIGHTY" or something.

-New Day entrance: Cole has to go and ruin it by saying "Yeah, we know, they look like something from Dragon Ball". Good God, stop explaining stuff like that.

-Women's Title match: Flair clearly costs Sasha the title by holding her back from breaking up the submission, and commentary...spends the post-match congratulating Charlotte. Cole and Saxton began to say something about it but left it at "that was desperation", rather than focusing on it being an injustice and potentially building toward something like a Charlotte/Sasha cage (or some other "keep Ric from interfering" gimmick) match. And while I'm glad they drove home that the women are now just as much "superstars" as the men (genuinely positive thing!), it got to the point where you could start saying "Y'know guys, you CAN just call them 'women' at some point, right?", though I'll say that was more of a Vince-demanded thing from backstage.

-Maybe the worst of them all: Shane does the huge dive off the cage, they sell it like he's nearly paralyzed himself to "save" the company, then when they come back and go to the panel team post-match...they're all dancing and smiling and talking about a bunch of other stuff that happened on the show, rather than the fact that, in storyline, the son of the owner and would-be new owner just fell 20+ feet in an attempt to destroy the legendary Undertaker and gain control of and change the direction of the company.

This is all off the top of my head after too little sleep (that overrun was atrocious and pointless), but all this stuff just served to highlight for me why WWE's ratings and general interest are falling: it's not just that the commentary was materially bad, it was that their continued glossing over of anything significant that happened that underscores WWE's elephant-sized problem: nothing that happens matters or has any iota of consequence. If it did, they would be getting over how sick the Owens bump was, they'd let an entrance or two speak for itself, they'd try to build toward future money-making matches after an unclean finish, or they'd make sure the gravity of the situation behind a match stipulation was felt.

But, nope! "IT'S WRESTLEMANIA AND WE'RE HAVIN' FUN, MAGGLE, MAKING THINGS FEEL LIKE THEY MATTER IS FOR STUPID MARKS."

[mrbananagrabber]

My wife and I both thought they weren't mentioning Owens because he was legitimately hurt. My God that was a frightening bump.

But no, it's just because they suck.

[Pushed to the Moon]

What a moment! THIS IS AN INCREDIBLE MOMENT! MOMENT MOMENT MOMENT MOMENT!



*Entrance music hits* COULD IT BE?!!?!?!? NO WAY! IT CAN'T BE!!!! THEY MUST HAVE PRESSED THE WRONG BUTTON BACKSTAGE!!!! IT HAPPENS SO OFTEN THAT I REFUSE TO BELIEVE THAT THIS PERSON IS REALLY HERE!!! COULD IT REALLY BE?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

[King Devitt]

Apr 4, 2016 5:59:57 GMT -5 HMARK Center said:

Honest question: could that team have been any worse last night? I know people talk about how bad they are, the times I do watch them they're pretty bad, but that was all-out painful last night.

There's a bunch of factors that keep me from watching WWE regularly, but this may have taken the cake for me, to be honest:

-IC title ladder match, Zayn gives Owens a suplex on to a ladder in what wound up being one of the sickest bumps I've seen a wrestler take in WWE. Michael Cole's voice didn't even change timbre, and even while Owens was laying there like a corpse, not moving an inch, commentary completely ignored him. Guy just took one of the meanest bumps in company history, you'd think it'd at least warrant a "GOOD GOD ALMIGHTY" or something.

This moment right here is why I wish Ranallo was moved up to the main announce team.
He would have sold 'the moment where I legit thought Owens paralyzed himself' like a million dollars.

Shane's dive off of the Cell would have been an amazing call for him to make.

I bet it's moments like those that JR wishes he were still calling the action and has to be annoyed at how fake it all sounds.

[FALLOUT Goldashausen #BLM]

I think Cole sold Shane's dive amazingly well. Until JBL threw out a heavy handed "Mankind" reference seconds later to nearly take me out of the moment. It was largely the type of stuff we'd expect from the Raw team.

I was having conversations with my father and friend during the show, so I didn't hear it all, but nothing really stood out.

During Brock/Dean, JBL says "it's a chair" in the most deadpan manner possible. This is at least a few seconds after Dean grabs one. A facepalm inducing moment.

There were quite a few production gaffes and questionable shots being selected, but, again, par for the course. The panelists (apart from Graves) dancing after Shane/Taker is no surprise. Most of that will be edited for Blu-ray and the Network anyway, but it hurts the overall quality of the broadcast.

[kingofthings]

The worst thing about them right now is they're completely over doing it. In trying too hard they're actually getting worse every week.

They all sound like they're sitting completely separate from each other. The commentary on the computer games sounds more coherent.

It needs to go back to a TWO person commentary team. Allow them to build chemistry.

[TWERKIN' MAGGLE]

I don't remember if it was the AJ match or ladder match, but there was a two minute period where all three announcers talked about how a different three or four second interval, "Could be a WrestleMania Moment!"

Speaking in catchphrases is lazy and they should all be fined for it.

[bearned]

I loved it when Rock was hyping the crowd showing how 'happy' they all were and when they threw to the crowd behind the announce team JBL, Cole and Saxton are just sitting there looking completely uninterested.

[PKO]

Half way through Kalisto/Ryback I became very sad that Mauro wouldn't be calling the main show. He sells the story of a match so damn well...I seriously hope he's the main commentator by next years Wrestlemania. They've found JR's successor. Get Cole in a backstage role and give Mauro his place.

Even slightly-less-clueless-now-he's-heel-but-still-pretty-clueless King from the pre-show was a tremendous improvement on JBL. I remember when I actually wanted JBL back in the commentary booth. I wish I could go back in time and slap myself silly for wishing such an evil on the world. He is terrible. Utter drivel.

Byron Saxton is so vanilla, and I can't believe he got the main gig, but even he was better on the pre-show...at least he was given a chance to talk by the others, not shouted down or ignored.

As for the panel, for the most part I thought it was good but overlooking Shane's fall was a bit bizarre. Renee Young is great in her role, Lita did a really good job, Corey Graves is ready for a main announcing gig already, but Booker needs to stop. He's endearing but the guy is hopeless when he's talking.

[HMARK Center]

I didn't see the preshow, but I don't have to think hard to imagine how much of a better job Ranallo would do, assuming he didn't have instructions screamed into his ears the entire night. Going by his NJPW work and what little I've heard of him on WWE, the guy is committed to what seems to be wrestling presentation 101: every wrestler on your roster is a potential star and should be put over (even if you're a heel commentator insulting a face, you should be able to manage that), and things that happen that the audience sees should matter.

[Deleted]

If I hear JBL scream one more time about "Shane's legacy"...

Listen here, drunk-ass Foghorn, Shane's legacy is falling off of shit. That's what he does. That's his legacy. Highlight reel worthy bumps. That's it.

And shitty punches. He punches like a heel manager who thinks he's hurting the other guy. Kinda like how Joel Gertner would hit somebody with a chairshot that makes Lance Storm look brutal in comparison. Joel taps the guy, then jiggles his body in dance mode, acting like he killed the other guy.

[ERON]

I gave up on the current commentary team after they completely missed Sheamus rigging his cell at last year's Elimination Chamber. As for last night, I was more put off by the way they kept abruptly cutting away from things like Zack Ryder's surprise victory celebration and Brie Bella's last hurrah to move on to the next hype package, giving the Wrestlemania moments no time to sink in.

[edgehead]

"FOR THE LOVE OF MANKIND" is one of the best calls Cole has ever had.

[Deleted]

Cole is so fake sounding it distracts from the show. I'm a casual fan at this point and don't watch week to week so whether he's better or worse on other shows I don't know, but man, he was awful last night. JBL and Byron were awful as well. When they are not selling something as much as they should, they are hamming it up to the point where it sounds phony. JR was able to mix the two nicely to at least come off like genuine emotion. Cole is a freakin' robot. A bored, doing-it-for-the-check robot.

[cool]

I think I'll start calling JBL Drunk ass Foghorn.

Anyway I can't really blame the guys when Vince is the one getting in their ears and telling them to do this shit.

[kidkamikaze10]

Ranallo should just take over. And they should ban Vince from talking to them midshow.

[Andy Martin]

Apr 4, 2016 9:25:55 GMT -5 kidkamikaze10 said:

Ranallo should just take over. And they should ban Vince from talking to them midshow.

And also take away Mauro's phone.

[spagett]

I don't watch the TV anymore but is Lawlers new thing that he mocks Ranallo every time he mentions something he doesn't understand? He was doing it constantly on the pre-show.

How can he not not know what a Michinoku Driver is? Thought he was pretty disrespectful to Hayabusa too.

["Gizzark" Mike Wronglevenay]

Mauro was sooooooo f***ing good though. Knowledge of holds, selling the history. Why is he allowed to be good when we know Cole is capable of better but doesn't achieve it? Because Mauro only commentates on shows nobody watches?

[Captain Stud Muffin (BLM)]

In regards Mauro, it's only a matter of time before he gets the main gig because he has stated himself Cole is his biggest backer and supporter. I can see Cole fully going into backstage role within the next 2 years or so.

The Main commentary was no where near good which is a shame. I did like the for the love of mankind line but other then that it was a extended edition of raw with annoying commentary. Cole has shown he can be good, JBL has fallen off a cliff and Byron is to vanilla for this role.