Kill the WWE in 5-7 Minutes

[Seth Drakin of Monster Crap]

One Gargantuan Explosion

[Baixo Astral]

The announcement: tonight, for the first time on Raw... Dirty Sanchez, Don K. Punch and the Cleveland Steamer.

The actuality: it's not a new three man stable, just Mae Young, Bastion Booger and the Gooker displaying their love for each other.

[angryfan]

veladus said:

stylesclash3029 said:

Benoit-exploitation would be a quick way to kill the WWE.

Damn. I was just gonna say step #1 would be to vacate the WWE title and permenately award it to Chris Benoit.

After that... hmm... have Cena start doing raps about raping children and eating puppy meat. Try to keep him face. Have McMahon go on a fake shoot rant about how much he hates the Iraq war and hopes all our troops die. Replace JR with Warrior. Let him say whatever he wants.

Face it, the kids would mark out and buy the "Hustle, Loyalty, Rape" t-shirts by the truckload.

I'm thinking, all it takes is five minutes, Linda McMahon, open mic, and naked, doing "things" with Grimmace.

[Aceorton]

Vince opens the show, grabs the mic.

"Why am I out here tonight, you may ask? Because quite frankly, I have some things I'd like to get off my chest. And the first thing I'd like to get off my chest is that I absolutely HATE black people like the Rev. Al Sharpton."

Except he doesn't say "black people."

[A Dubya (El Hombre Muerto)]

glacier said:

Nice ones...made me laugh while working in the computer lab...

Here's mine:

Have every male employee of the WWE come onto the entrance ramp and run a train while Chris Benoit's picture is shown on the Titan-Tron and have Vince Russo screaming "WRESTLING IS FAKE" over and over on the mic.

LMAO! ROFL!

That image is so ghastly, it has me crying with laughter. I'm sure that would definitely do the job.

[Libertine]

Superimpose Benoit having rough anal sex with Super Crazy who in a 'shocking swerve' is actually Benoit's father.

[Back to being Cenanuff]

Contract signing segment with......Vince Russo.

[Rubix Cube Johnny]

Royal Rumble Entrant number 30:-

"Bah gawd king! Benoits alive! Benoits alive!"

[chunkylover53]

During the Edsplotation angle. they could've dug his corpse out of the grave and....well I think you know where I'm going with this.

[Red 'n' Black Reggie]

the raw intro vid is replaced by a music video of gary glitter's "leader of the gang" complete with glitter... doing what got him arrested. the show starts, and the opening pyro is hoked up to a pile of dead nuns, who all explode in sync. at this point, vince mcmahon struts down to the ring, wearing nothing but an al-quaeda (sp?) t-shirt. he then gets on the mic, and announces that all wwe employees who weren't on steroids have all been killed. therefore, it's time to give all the championships to one man. "ladies and gentlemen," the naked mcmahon screams, "der fuhrer ist hier!". john cena walks to the ring ina full nazi uniform, rapping about anti-semitism and holocaust denial, in front of a shocked audience of WWII veterans. cena grabs the microphone and clears his throat "are you familiar with a 'worked shoot'?" asks cena, "well are you familiar with 'katie vick'?".

oh, it gets worse, but i don't wanna be banned. lets put it this way: if you don't know what munging is, DON'T look it up.

[Rhody Codes]

Have an entire segment where every WWE superstar on the roster are forced to kiss Vince's ass.

[wildojinx]

Gorilla Monsoon exploitation angle with jesse and festus, complete with tasteless segments featuring festus dressed as monsoon and jesse dressed as heenan and/or ventura , and capt. lou albano coming out of retirement to "Defend monsoons honor".

[Squirrel Master]

Big Dick Johnson stays in the cloning machine until there are 30 fat oily guys dancing in the ring. Our favorite promoter then appears on the Titantron saying,"This is great, I wish everyone else on the roster well in their future endeavors, because these men will now be the ones entertaining you going forward. Also I'd like to announce that we are going to three hours every Monday night!"

[bigdaddyfive]

Idea 1) Let a returning Big Show take a dump in the middle of the ring

Idea 2) Dress everyone up ala Klu Klux Klan and make all the black / asian / mexican wrestlers just suddenly disappear from tv altogether.

Idea 3) Give Cena the belt for nearly a year and make him look invincible on the way (ED: er.....)

Idea 4) Get DX to imitate The Radicalz ala The Nation Of Domination

Idea 5) Let Jake Roberts and Steve Austin have a drinking contest during a live p.p.v.

Idea 6) Fix a camera for the entire show on one of Big Daddv V's tits - and it's covered in mayonnaise.

Ok that's enough

[Topher is Human]

"BY GAWD KING! EDDIE GUERRERO AND CHRIS BENOIT ARE BACK! AND THEY'RE TAKING OVER!"

[The Thread Barbi]

Get Michael Bay to direct.

[The Peoples Elbow]

therocket said:

No Wrestling, just a camera focused on a jar of human "mayonnaise".

Even worse! ;D

[seano]

veladus said:

stylesclash3029 said:

Benoit-exploitation would be a quick way to kill the WWE.

Damn. I was just gonna say step #1 would be to vacate the WWE title and permenately award it to Chris Benoit.

After that... hmm... have Cena start doing raps about raping children and eating puppy meat. Try to keep him face. Have McMahon go on a fake shoot rant about how much he hates the Iraq war and hopes all our troops die. Replace JR with Warrior. Let him say whatever he wants.

I'd watch this and get all my friends and relatives to watch it too.

The US government would then realize that this is the PERFECT alternative to doing drugs and drinking, and thus they'll FORCE everyone to watch it.

Then the economy will crumble because people are watching non-stop WWE programming instead of buying food, products and services, going to their jobs. Those who aren't trapped by the politcomachine stage a revolution and the country is engulfed in civil war that destroys everything about our society forever.


.....oh wait, you said kill the WWE, not kill America. Whoops.

Okay then:

Vince bites off Cena's crotch, Cena screams vicious obsenities regarding gay people and African Americans, then bleeds to death in the ring. Vince deficates on his corpse and then starts molesting whoever is left in the crowd.

I'd say that would do it.

[Dolph Zalgo]

megamark said:

the raw intro vid is replaced by a music video of gary glitter's "leader of the gang" complete with glitter... doing what got him arrested. the show starts, and the opening pyro is hoked up to a pile of dead nuns, who all explode in sync. at this point, vince mcmahon struts down to the ring, wearing nothing but an al-quaeda (sp?) t-shirt. he then gets on the mic, and announces that all wwe employees who weren't on steroids have all been killed. therefore, it's time to give all the championships to one man. "ladies and gentlemen," the naked mcmahon screams, "der fuhrer ist hier!". john cena walks to the ring ina full nazi uniform, rapping about anti-semitism and holocaust denial, in front of a shocked audience of WWII veterans. cena grabs the microphone and clears his throat "are you familiar with a 'worked shoot'?" asks cena, "well are you familiar with 'katie vick'?".

oh, it gets worse, but i don't wanna be banned. lets put it this way: if you don't know what munging is, DON'T look it up.

Ok. This was about what I was gonna say.

[VeggieOverlord]

thecobbit said:

The Aristocrats.

...Then in walks Triple H dressed like Hitler wearing crotchless panties