*cracks knuckles*
I was there tonight.
Let's start from the beginning.
They run down the card, among other things, they promise us Abyss-Rhino in Barbed Wire Massacre and Beer Money-British Invasion in Full Metal Mayhem.
Steel Asylum
I'll put it like this, I firmly believe they dug a hole for themselves that made it almost impossible to pull themselves out of tonight.
Alex Shelley hangs up on the top forever waiting for someone to come after him.
He could've crawled through the hole, hit the floor, gone to the concession stand, eaten a hot dog, casually strolled to his car and been on I-4 in that amount of time.
And then you have a 8-man X division Cage Match END IN A DQ BECAUSE SOMEONE USED A STICK???!!??!?!?!?
You know how people have been saying the X Division is getting buried?
This didn't help at all.
Even the shocking return of Jeff Hardy couldn't make up for it entirely.
ODB/Tara
Short match, ODB gets her belt back, extending the feud, meh.
Hey, gang, it's Ric Flair at the Impact Zone.
And a piece of me dies.
Bobby Lashley and Krystal enter and Krystal says Lashley is leaving.
Yay?
Beautiful People play Strip Poker?
Because this worked so well in WWECW?
Here comes Hogan with a police escort.
Here comes Hogan with a police escort.
Just to reiterate, Here comes Hogan with a police escort.
WE GET IT.
Scott Hall and Sean Waltman arrive.
And I am intrigued.
Hogan Arrives
Hogan enters in all black to a watered down nWo theme, the crowd goed wild because he's still Hulk Hogan, Hogan tells us he's been backstage all day.
.
.
.
THEN WHAT WAS WITH THE MOTHERFATHER LIMO?
Hogan declares that change is coming, because when I think of change, I think of 56 year old Hulk Hogan.
Hall and Waltman confront Hogan, Hall says he grew up watching Hogan.
To repeat, 51 year old Scott Hall GREW UP watching Hulk Hogan.
Nash enters and now I'm somewhat excited.
Hogan tells them to grow up and this is a different era.
Is it?
Bischoff arrives and rips up the rundown to change the show.
Because if there's one thing people love, it's a bait and switch.
Remember those two matches I mentioned?
WE DON'T GET THEM.
AT ALL.
I was hoping those matches would make up for the lame in-ring action thus far, but no.
Wilde/Sarita Vs. Kong/Hamada
Did they ever explain why Hamada and Kong are partners now?
Wasn't she JUST fighting Eric Young for the Legends title?
And she's a heel now for no reason?
Love that Russo.
Still a decent match if once again way too short.
Meanwhile, the Guns have been taken out backstage.
sigh.
Val Venis joins the Strip Poker Game
This I liked, it was funny, and an appropriate place for him to show up.
Security won't let Foley in, again.
Nasty Boys Arrive
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Morgan and Hernandez beat Raven and Stevie in 30 SECONDS?
Hooray, A burial of two accomplished veterans.
Christy interviews Dinero and Orlando Jordan interrupts and nobody cares.
Wolfe-Dinero
Dinero wins with a rollup in like three minutes.
An opportunity to push two significant players and they blow it.
Doesn't make Wolfe look too good.
Rhino has been taken out too.
Okay . . . weird pattern emerging.
Hey it's Jarrett.
HE'LL FIX EVERYTHING!
Bischoff makes AJ Vs. Kurt for tonight.
Now I'm happy.
Jarrett arrives and puts over the homegrown talent, Beer Money, Styles, Joe, The Guns.
You know, the TNA we love.
Hogan appears on screen and tells Jarrett he's destroyed TNA.
When?
How?
Hogan tells Jarrett he has no power and has to earn his spot like everyone else.
Which would be cool if, you know, Jarrett was still a despised heel.
But now that he's sticking up for the guys?
Just rubs me the wrong way.
Hemme interviews Daniels, but Borash pushes Daniels aside to tell Christy that Foley is still trying to get in, and Foley succeeds in pushing his way in.
And they forget all about Christopher Daniels and we don't see him again for the rest of the night.
Hooray burying Daniels
Joe-Abyss
First match between the two and they get less than five minutes.
It was a decent five minutes though.
Kristal tells Bischoff that she wants to talk to Hogan, but Bischoff totally shuts her down.
Me likey Bischoff now.
Beer Money is laid out backstage.
OH GOOD, WE DON"T GET BEER MONEY EITHER.
Various and sundry promos with the Nastys, Angle and Hardy.
The Nastys destroy Team 3D's locker room.
This . . . I want to see, although it requires Team 3D to turn face AGAIN and destroy the last couple months of plot.
Love that Russo
Styles-Angle
WOW
That was a fantastic match.
I loved the masked figure getting thrown out by Kurt and them not revealing who it was yet.
I liked Flair standing on the stage as Angle applied the figure four.
It was a classic, simple as that.
And then. . .
Hall, Nash, and Pac jump Foley as Bischoff taunts him.
Hogan walks in andTHE END
Overall, I would give it a D-, but AJ-Kurt singlehandedly brings it back up to a C+
I think it was a mistake to blow their wad on the surprise front.
You simply don't bring Jeff Hardy and Ric Flair out on the same night you're debuting Hogan.
Let alone in the first hour when it doesn't help you as much as it would if you brought them in DURING RAW SO PEOPLE MIGHT CHANGE THE CHANNEL.
I go to TNA a lot, I'm a fan, but this was a missed opportunity.
You can't put on mostly crappy matches and crappy Hogan promos and expect "ZOMG IT'S HARDY AND FLAIR!!!!!!!" to make up for it.
They either ignored or embarrassed just about everyone that the TNA fans love and made TNA what it is.
Or was.
I don't think I can bring myself to go tomorrow.
But I still have hope.
Just not as much as I did at 7pm.