The Unconquered Sun
King Koopa
He has no pants! What a heathen!
Lord of Storms and Kittens!
Posts: 11,528 
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Post by The Unconquered Sun on Jan 17, 2020 13:21:20 GMT -5
What a day. I’m trying to get to work and I get stuck behind this slow car. I couldn’t get around the car for a couples of miles and when I did I looked at the driver. The driver and the passenger were having sex.
Yeah having sex, while driving!
I mean here it was the speed limit was 70 and I’m stuck behind these two doing 69!
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Perd
Patti Mayonnaise
Leslie needs to butt out for fear of receiving The Bunghole Buster
Posts: 31,307
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Post by Perd on Jan 17, 2020 13:49:12 GMT -5
Did you hear about the corduroy pillow?
It’s making headlines.
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Post by DASH 243✅ on Jan 17, 2020 20:25:25 GMT -5
Why was the snow man smiling
He heard the snowblower coming down the street.
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Post by bibboid on Jan 24, 2020 19:07:16 GMT -5
When does red mean “go” and green mean “stop”?
When you are eating a watermelon.
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Spiderfab '84
Patti Mayonnaise
Dedicated 6,666th post to Irontyger
Eight arms to FAN you
Posts: 37,396
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Post by Spiderfab '84 on Feb 1, 2020 22:05:30 GMT -5
I hear they have a new name for the pull-out method: Prexit.
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Post by bibboid on Feb 2, 2020 13:50:45 GMT -5
The kids and I had popsicles today. I had the following joke on my popsicle stick:
What do you call a bear that likes rain?
A drizzly bear.
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Post by bibboid on Feb 9, 2020 0:22:39 GMT -5
What is a scarecrow's favorite food?
Straw-berries
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Post by jimmyjackezekiel on Feb 9, 2020 0:48:21 GMT -5
What do you call a wrestler touching the rope to escape a pin or hold when the ropes are made of hemp?
A dope break!
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Post by DASH 243✅ on Feb 9, 2020 0:50:17 GMT -5
I went to a book store and asked the saleswoman where the Self Help section was, she said if she told me it would defeat the purpose.
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Spiderfab '84
Patti Mayonnaise
Dedicated 6,666th post to Irontyger
Eight arms to FAN you
Posts: 37,396
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Post by Spiderfab '84 on Feb 11, 2020 19:10:57 GMT -5
Q: What would you do with 5 minutes to kill & a smartphone?
A: Aim for the head.
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Post by Father Dougal McGuire on Mar 13, 2020 23:26:51 GMT -5
How many fireflies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
2. How did they got in there is another question
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Mar 13, 2020 23:41:30 GMT -5
I have an artistic friend who once worked at the mint. She was fired because no one could make heads or tails of her drawings.
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Post by bibboid on Mar 14, 2020 11:24:49 GMT -5
Why do Scotsmen march when they play the bagpipes?
Because even they want to get away from the sound of them.
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Post by bibboid on Mar 29, 2020 0:04:23 GMT -5
The World Health Organization has determined that dogs cannot transmit the Corona virus because of their higher than human body temperatures. Therefore all dogs currently held in quarantine can be released immediately. In other words....
...WHO let the dogs out.
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Spiderfab '84
Patti Mayonnaise
Dedicated 6,666th post to Irontyger
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Posts: 37,396
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Post by Spiderfab '84 on Mar 29, 2020 8:22:25 GMT -5
It actually did rain on Alanis Morissette's wedding day.
She and her husband had to cut the wedding cake using 10,000 spoons.
The groom's Chardonnay glass had a black fly in it.
The pastor that officiated the wedding died the next day.
He was on his very first place flight at the time of his death.
The governor was 2 minutes away from saving him, too.
Also there was a no-smoking sign at the reception hall.
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Spiderfab '84
Patti Mayonnaise
Dedicated 6,666th post to Irontyger
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Posts: 37,396
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Post by Spiderfab '84 on May 15, 2020 2:10:29 GMT -5
Just in case anyone missed the final episode of How To Get Away With Murder, here's the big twist at the end:  |
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Perd
Patti Mayonnaise
Leslie needs to butt out for fear of receiving The Bunghole Buster
Posts: 31,307
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Post by Perd on May 22, 2020 14:58:15 GMT -5
There’s a family of moles. A papa mole, a mamma mole, and a baby mole. Papa mole pops his head out of the hole and says “I smell sausage.” Mama mole pops her head out and says “J smell pancakes.” Baby mole isn’t big enough to get his head out and says “All I smell is mole asses.”
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Spiderfab '84
Patti Mayonnaise
Dedicated 6,666th post to Irontyger
Eight arms to FAN you
Posts: 37,396
Member is Online
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Post by Spiderfab '84 on Jun 13, 2020 21:24:09 GMT -5
"I'm Larry, and I lost 200 pounds!"  |
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Post by bibboid on Jun 19, 2020 17:11:49 GMT -5
What did 50 Cent do when he got hungry?
58
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J. Hova
Don Corleone
Emotionally exhausted and morally bankrupt
Posts: 1,580
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Post by J. Hova on Jun 20, 2020 3:53:10 GMT -5
If COVID has caused you to wear a mask and glasses, you may be entitled to condensation.
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