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Post by bibboid on Feb 12, 2021 11:28:35 GMT -5
I got two dogs and named them Rolex and Timex.
They are watch dogs.
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Post by EP 54 is banned from Collision on Feb 12, 2021 13:33:28 GMT -5
For Sale!
George Foreman grill and Muhammad Ali DVDs
Both boxed.
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Post by EP 54 is banned from Collision on Feb 12, 2021 13:47:39 GMT -5
How many bassists does it take to change a lightbulb? None. The keyboard player can do it with his left hand.
Two scientists walk in to a bar. The first scientist orders a drink. "Barkeep, I'll have a pint of H2O please" The second scientist then orders a drink for himself "And I'll have a pint of H2O too!" The second scientist died.
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Perd
Patti Mayonnaise
Leslie needs to butt out for fear of receiving The Bunghole Buster
Posts: 31,951
Member is Online
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Post by Perd on Mar 5, 2021 15:35:33 GMT -5
A nurse goes to fill out a check at the grocery store, she reaches into her purse and pulls out a rectal thermometer, she sighs and says “ Some asshole has got my pen”.
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Post by bibboid on Mar 26, 2021 9:03:02 GMT -5
Why was Pavlov’s hair so soft?
Because he conditioned it.
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Post by crashmatsbazz on Mar 26, 2021 9:12:53 GMT -5
two blokes are stood outside a TV shop. one says " that's the one i'd get" and a cyclops comes out and beats him up.
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Post by Main Event Mark on Mar 26, 2021 13:30:30 GMT -5
What's a fish's favorite sitcom?
TUNA HALF MEN.
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Post by bibboid on Mar 26, 2021 15:38:20 GMT -5
The police came to my house and arrested my dog.
Turns out he had unpaid barking tickets.
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Spider2024
Patti Mayonnaise
Dedicated 6,666th post to Irontyger
I believe in Joe Hendry.
Posts: 39,209
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Post by Spider2024 on Mar 26, 2021 15:43:52 GMT -5
Ate a hot dog for lunch today.
There were no condiments, so I had to go raw-doggin'.
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Spider2024
Patti Mayonnaise
Dedicated 6,666th post to Irontyger
I believe in Joe Hendry.
Posts: 39,209
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Post by Spider2024 on Mar 30, 2021 19:07:31 GMT -5
...and all of them were about that sitcom he had on Fox.
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Post by bibboid on Apr 10, 2021 0:19:24 GMT -5
Yo mama’s so fat, Thanos had to snap twice to make her disappear.
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Post by Ash Kingston on Apr 10, 2021 6:31:43 GMT -5
Okay, so a guy walks into the bank, pulls out a gun, points it at the teller and screams, “Give me all your money or you’re geography!”
The teller replies, “Don’t you mean history?”
The robber says, “Don’t change the subject!"
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No Longer a Produceman
Dennis Stamp
Will Make You an Offer You Can't Refuse
Evolving into Geckoman
Posts: 4,368
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Post by No Longer a Produceman on Apr 11, 2021 14:24:21 GMT -5
Yo mama’s so fat, Thanos had to snap twice to make her disappear. I’m so stealing this
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Post by bibboid on Apr 30, 2021 10:59:01 GMT -5
Never challenge Death to a pillow fight....
...unless you are prepared for the reaper cushions.
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Post by Feyrhausen on Apr 30, 2021 11:00:52 GMT -5
Why did Sarah fall off the swing?
Why?
Because she has no arms.
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Post by Feyrhausen on Apr 30, 2021 11:01:14 GMT -5
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not Sarah.
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ERON
Hank Scorpio
Posts: 6,773
Member is Online
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Post by ERON on Apr 30, 2021 11:21:09 GMT -5
A man went to the doctor complaining about a pain in his right ear. The doctor took a look and said, "Ah, I see the problem. You have a suppository stuck in your ear." The man replied, "Well, that explains where my hearing aid went."
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mc74
Samurai Cop
Posts: 2,410
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Post by mc74 on Apr 30, 2021 12:56:39 GMT -5
Oh sweet, a thread that features puns! Always appreciate a good pun. I'll post one that my friend once said.
At a football game, Brutus asks Julius Caesar, "O' Ceasar, what's the score?". Caesar replies "8-2, Brute.".
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mc74
Samurai Cop
Posts: 2,410
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Post by mc74 on May 7, 2021 17:35:34 GMT -5
This one's a German pun, but also works in English.
Wie nennt man eine Gruppe von Wölfen? Wolfgang.
Translation: What do you call a group of wolves? Wolfgang.
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Perd
Patti Mayonnaise
Leslie needs to butt out for fear of receiving The Bunghole Buster
Posts: 31,951
Member is Online
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Post by Perd on May 7, 2021 18:58:41 GMT -5
Why are stairs so suspicious?
Because they’re always up to something.
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