Times commentators made you laugh

[Just Jay]

I know decent jokes or funny lines from commentators in this day and age are very scarce, but anyone have any hilarious lines from commentators, intentional and unintentional from over the years to even currently?

Last Friday on SD!, JBL said something that really got my laughing, and I was inspired to make this thread. During a Chuck Palumbo Kenny Dykstra match, he went on saying something, though I"m paraphrasing, something like this...

JBL: And wow! Michelle McCool! She is smokin' HOT! The Next Mrs. Layfield! Hoo-boy!

Cole: Well Victoria out there too, and she's looking pretty good right? I don't see you talkin all about her?

JBL: Well she's got some issues. I love all the SD! divas!

Cole: Well she looks like she's enjoying herself.

JBL:.............................my hypocrisies have bounced.

Any distinct memories?

[Push R Truth]

Lita is jerking Edge off



The Ladder

[Jiren]

Bobby Heenan full stop

[BayleyTiffyCodyCenaJudyHopps]

When Kurt Angle joined the ECW brand:

JR: This is awesome!
King: (higher pitched than usual) THIS SUCKS!

Vince, SSeries 93, Boston Garden: "Bobby Heenan..you're a bad man. And you owe the entire Hart family an apology, as well as our audience."

[Steveweiser]

Any time Heenan opened his mouth.

[Sad sack ass fruitbooty]

Bubba Ray Dudley to a fan- Come on you fat, bald, mothersmurfer!

Cyrus- How did he know his name?

[rra]

Heenan was always money. Remember him laughing throughout a Hacksaw Duggan taped match at WCW?

Weeks back on SMACKDOWN!

Cole: "Hornswoggle thinks he's a wrestler!"
JBL: "And you think you're a commentator!"

Anyone remember that insult?

[wwod]

After Virgil won the Million Dollar belt from DiBiase, Heenan said something about it hanging off the rearview mirror of a Buick.


Brilliant.

[Desi]

The entire dueling commentators throughout the WWE vs ECW special last year.

[kass]

Stevie Ray talking about Reno on a Nitro. In botched promo.
"sucka look lost"
It was funny because reno literally looked lost.

Of course Heenan.
Joel Gertner commenting on Kid Cash's ability to hit a hurricaranna
"He is just like me. Hitting it from any angle,from any posisition"

[primetime110]

During Pipers-Hart IC title match at Wrestlemania, Piper spit in Harts face.

Monsoon : I think Pipier stepped over the line

Heenan : I would have poked him in the eye, Thats what I did when I was Champion

Monsoon : Champion? Champion of what?

Heenan :Champion of my neighborhood.

It just came out nowhere and to this day I laugh my ass off listening to that.

[Just Jay]

rra said:

Heenan was always money. Remember him laughing throughout a Hacksaw Duggan taped match at WCW?

Weeks back on SMACKDOWN!

Cole: "Hornswoggle thinks he's a wrestler!"
JBL: "And you think you're a commentator!"

Anyone remember that insult?

I remember that! That was hilarious. There was a nice awkward silence after that too!

[jameson34656]

craigcartonsux said:

Bubba Ray Dudley to a fan- Come on you fat, bald, mothersmurfer!

Cyrus- How did he know his name?

Heatwave 99? That was so funny!!

[Adam Pacman Khan (akkilla)]

Regal: We still have a great main event of triple H verus Umanga
Jr:and carlito

[Jiren]

Bobby Heenan Quotes

"A friend in need is a pest."

"What happened there? My monitor went out."

"You don't have to yell at me! I'm not blind!"

Gorilla: "Brain, if you keep quiet, no one will know how stupid you are."
Bobby: "You're kidding."

Heenan: " That's either the flock or the who's who of skid row."
Schiavone: " Maybe both."

(After saying something smart)
"Do you think this brain thing is a gimmick?"

"If you ever had your moon salted you'd know how painful that could be."

(after Juventud Guerrera took off his mask)
"Maybe that's Okerlund under there?" and later. . .
"Now when he delivers pizza, everyone will know who he is."

(Talking about the Narcissist Lex Luger's elbow)
"He's had more hits than Elvis."

"You know what slows down Typhoon? Twinkies--Hostess Cupcakes."

(Talking about Typhoon)
"He uses his weight advantage at dinner."

"Doink is like Jell-o: there is always room for more."

"It's a dog eat dog world, and Mr. Perfect is a Milk Bone."

(When Bob Backlund is entering the arena)
"At 234 pounds, from Mayberry, Opie Taylor."

"North Dakota State. What do you have to do there to graduate? Milk a cow with your left hand?

Jim Ross: "Hey everybody can't be born with a silver spoon in their mouth and have a chauffeur named Jennifer, who told me she hasn't had a raise in several months."
Bobby Heenan: "She said that?"
Ross: "Yes"
Heenan: "She's fired. I'll unload her like I found her. Do you need a job on the weekends?"
Ross: "I'm a little busy on the weekend"
Heenan: "Oh that's right, you just drive pickup trucks."

"Stu Hart trained all his kids--only three of them use the litter box."

(Talking about the Guerrero family)
"Their family is watching this at home wondering if the wheels are going to get stolen off their house.

(Chris Benoit was wrestling a fake midget Rey Mysterio, Jr.)
"I know who that is. It is the chihuahua from the Taco Bell commercials."

Terry Schiavone: "I smell Jackhammer. I smell Hogan."
Bobby Heenan: "Anyone close to him does."

Heenan: "You call them Luchadores?"
Tenay: "Luchadores."
Heenan: "That sounds like the tight pants that you wear at a bullfight."

(Talking about Chavo Guerrero)
"He's the only guy I know that has a stable of stick horses."

"If you're poor and you do something stupid, you're nuts. If you're rich and do something stupid, you're eccentric."

"You know you put too many lemons in your lemonade when you pucker too much."

Tony Schiavone: "Scott Hall is looking a little better this week."
Bobby Heenan: "It's only Monday."

"There's another way to look at this: there are 153 Villanos wrestling."

(Talking about Chris Jericho)
Lee Marshall: "He is an ego maniac."
Bobby Heenan: "But he's good at it!"

Lee Marshall: "Good observation Brain."
Bobby Heenan: "That's why I'm called the Brain. And that's why I'm here on the Brain Station, TBS."

(Talking about Raven)
Bobby Heenan: "I wonder what his childhood was like: was he from wealthy parents, was he neglected, or was he spoiled?
Tony Schiavone: "Who cares?"
Heenan: "I do!"

Bobby Heenan: "Some nights the Villanos sit around the fire with popcorn and their masks on."
Tony Schiavone: "I hate you!"

(Talking about Alex Wright)
"His mother told me when he was eight months old he sat up in his crib and said 'Headlock.' "

(Talking about Koko B. Ware)
"The job is only half done. If they want to shrink his head, they already shrunk his haircut."

(Talking about Yokozuna on the day before Thanksgiving)
"505 pounds and maybe more after tomorrow."

"There is good news and bad news about Rye's shirt, The bad news is the shirt don't fit him, the good news is all the luchadores are moving in"

"There trying to say he just put the figure three on him self."

"If it wasn't for Mrs. Gurrero's chili they wouldn't have invented Rolaids."

Bobby Heenan: "That's not the first time he's been on the ground holding his stomach."
Tony Schiavone: "Huh?"
Bobby Heenan: "Obviously you've never had any of Mrs. Gurrero's chili."

"If you were smart you could have made a Duralog out of Pepe."

(crack at the Bushwhackers)
"The city of New York could legally condemn them."

Gorilla Monsoon: "The Pendulum swings."
Bobby Heenan: "Like a pendulum do."
Gorilla Monsoon: "is that a tune?"
Bobby Heenan: "Why do you hear music?"
Gorilla Monsoon: "No."

(Talking about Jim Niedhart)
"Now he's the sane one of the team?"

(Jim Niedhart looks into the camera and laughs)
"I think his headband is on too tight on the Anvil's head. I see I'm right."

"That shirt: It's like sinus infection green."

Tony Schiavone "I'm sure a liar has to make a living like everyone else."
Bobby Heenan "That's why we're here."

(Talking about Ralphus's dress)
"Obviously some cheap motel is missing a shower curtain."

"How could you not turn your attention to Ralphus; he's quite the looker."

(Talking about Chavo Guerrero, Jr.)
"He's never been the same since he lost Mr. Ed."

Bobby Heenan: "And don't forget Mickey Jay. He's a second generation, too."
Tony Schiavone: "Who's his father?"
Bobby Heenan: "He's not a wrestling referee. He ref'ed a pee-wee football league back in the '40's."

(Talking about Rey Mysterio, Jr. before he unmasks)
"I think he's ugly. What do you guys think?"

(After Rey Mysterio, Jr. unmasks)
"It's Leave it to Beaver!"

"You should just get beat up for having a last name Whipneck."

(Talking about Mikey Whipwreck)
"Do you think that when Mikey was a kid, was he his parents' little whipper-snapper?"

"Tony, it looks like your room at the Motel 3."

(Talking about Will Sasso from Mad TV)
"We're watching the illegitimate child of Alfred E. Neuman out there."

(Talking about Will Sasso's outfit)
"Do you know what the number 73 means? That's the number of double cheeseburgers he had from 4 - 5."

"I smell a title change, or is it you Tony?"

Bobby Heenan: "I figured out who the Patriot is."
Tony Schiavone: "Who?"
BH: "Where is he from?"
TS: "Washington, DC."
BH: "It's Al Gore."

Mike Tenay: "He's got Roman numerals on his trunks."
Bobby Heenan: "His numerals shouldn't be roamin'."

Mike Tenay: "What took us so long to come to Chapel Hill?"
Bobby Heenan: "We couldn't find it."

(Talking about Tony Schiavone)
"Next week I'll be on the Cartoon Network with pictures of your last date."

(Talking about Jim Duggan)
"He's has a disadvantage when he wakes up."

"What good is shaking your hands? If you want to shake something, put your hands together and wrap them around your opponent's head."

"I remembered when Tony came to WCW. He took the mask off and his career skyrocketed."

"You spend nine years in a hardcore punk band--of course you'd be deaf."

Mike Tenay: "Just who is the leader of the nWo?"
Bobby Heenan: "I'm not sure, but I wouldn't be surprised if Tony Danza comes out."

(During a hardcore match)
"These two move more furniture than Mayflower."

Tony Schiavone: "Don't try this in your backyard."
Bobby Heenan: "Do it in your living room, it is much more fun. Or maybe in Tony's living room, he'll never know."

"What has Saturn got on? Mudflaps?"

(Booker T makes his own count for the win)
"That wouldn't work. You gotta have a guy dressed like a zebra for that."

"Just the other day I was talking to Cal Ripken, Jr. and he asked me 'Do they pay Tony?' "

"And for those of you that dropped out of high school, remember the famous phrase: 'Do you want fries with that?' "

"I don't have el zippo, I don't even smoke or have a lighter!"

(Talking about Hulk Hogan and pyrotechnics)
"At least he doesn't have to worry about his hair catching on fire."

Jim Ross: "Tremendous ovation for Hacksaw Jim Duggan."
Bobby Heenan: "I don't know why!"

"Kidman's like a broken drum: hard to beat."

"You don't need a vacuum cleaner out here: he's cleaning house himself."

(If Kidman lost the hair vs. mask match)
"What a great new tag team: The Okerlunds"

(Referring to the First Family, who were wearing masks, at Halloween Havoc)
"Jimmy Hart told me they would be wearing masks to the ring. I'm wondering why aren't they."

Tony Schiavone: "I never even knew Evan Karagias was here."
Bobby Heenan: "I never know where he is and don't care."

"Is everyone from Texas nuts, or are we just lucky to see the ones we do?"

Tony Schiavone: "Pardon me."
Bobby Heenan: "I'm not the governor."

Gorilla Monsoon: "He might have some relatives here. He's looking around."
Bobby Heenan: "He's looking for the exit: the quick way out."

Gorilla Monsoon: "The Texas Tornado could sustain permanent brain damage if it's kept on for much longer."
Bobby Heenan: "Then again it could increase his IQ by 9 points. That would make an even 10."

Gorilla Monsoon: "The corner of the steps hit him in the trapezius."
Bobby Heenan: "That's what they use in the circus."

(Bobby Heenan commenting on Hogan's entrance music)
Heenan: That's my second favorite song.
Monsoon: I'm almost afraid to ask. Whats your favorite?
Heenan: All the rest are tied.

(Bobby Heenan on some Jobber)
"I once asked him what came at the end of the sentance...and he said "parole"."

(Bobby H & Gorilla on Tito Santana)
Bobby H: Did you know Tito holds a place in Guiness' Book of World Records?
Gorilla: Yeah? For what?
Bobby H: He picked 1,600 heads of lettuce in 1/2 an hour.
Gorilla: Will you stop...

Tito Santana is like a cue-ball. The more you strike him, the more english you get out of him

"What the hell, Use a Bell"

[leemir]

At WM17 I think it was. The gimmick battle royal, when Repo Man comes out

Heenan-"Last week he repo'd his own car!"

[Shy Guy]

jbl- i wish you would get drafted to ovw, cole. then i could call smackdown by myself.

[Metalheadbanger Man]

Cherry comes down to the ring with D & D.

JBL: "Give her a skateboard and half a brain, and she could be Head of Talent Relations.'

Genius.

[Dr. Marzvon Zombie M.D.]

One of my favorites was when Gorilla Monsoon used to say "Not one person is in their seat!" and then the camera would pan out and we'd see that almost everyone was sitting down.

Or when Patterson and brisco were doing the tag matches in the late 90's and patterson would be dancing in his underware and jr would say.

Jr - AND REMEMBER GUYS HE SINGLE! or something to that effect.

[drjayphd (feat. Pitbull)]

I can't remember it offhand, but in the 1992 Royal Rumble, when Heenan immediately reversed course on Ric Flair's strategy after Gorilla Monsoon clarified the rules.

EDIT: This wasn't it, but it was great:
(Rowdy Roddy Piper has just pulled Jake "The Snake" Roberts off of Ric Flair)
Heenan: I never thought I'd say this, but thank you Piper. It's a kilt. It's not a skirt, it's a kilt.
(Piper then nails Flair)
Heenan: You no good creep! You skirt-wearing freak! It's not a kilt, it's a skirt.